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Evie Barret hopped off the couch when someone knocked on the front door. "Is that him? Do you think that could be him?"
"Has to be. Kevin's never early." Denise grabbed her hands and made an excited sound. "Oooh, I hope he's handsome!"
She hoped? "Wait a minute. You set me up with him. I thought you'd met him?" Evie hated blind dates and only agreed to go on one because Denise had her heart set on a double-date. Kevin knew him, this GriffinRoyce, and Leon thought he was pretty good guy. Denise had talked him up, too. While normally that might have kept Evie from going anywhere near him, Stan had given her a nod and said GriffinRoyce seemed like an all right guy.
His opinion was the one that mattered most to her, so Evie had agreed. One double date with Kevin and Denise, being a good and supportive friend, and hopefully she could mark that off her list and never have to do it again.
"Well, I sort of met him," Denise said. "Just not in person. On the phone. I overheard his voice when I was talking to Kevin and--”
"Denise." Evie put her hands on her hips and wished she still wore her holster. She wouldn't fire her gun over something like this, but she was tempted to wave it around a little.
"Come on. It'll be fine." Denise grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the door. They'd opted to get picked up for their date at Denise's house, because last time Evie let a man she was dating know where she lived, she'd regretted it. The whole thing was Denise's idea, so if he turned out to be a creeper, it wouldn't be Evie's doorway he kept darkening. It'd be Stan's, and while he would complain about it at length, Evie thought he'd secretly enjoy putting the guy in his place.
Denise swung the door open and made a choked sound that would embarrass most women, but not Denise. Her unicorn-patterned socks, polka dot skirt and flowered sweater buttoned to her throat--all deliberate fashion choices and not the result of an explosion in a vintage clothing thrift outlet--proved that Denise and self-consciousness had never been introduced.
"You are handsome," Denise squealed and turned, wide-eyed and open-mouthed, to Evie. "I told you it'd be fine!"
Evie laughed, forcing her face into what she hoped looked like a smile. "Ha ha. Oh, Denise, I said it didn't matter, remember?" She held her hand out for the incredibly handsome man who seemed to be enjoying her slight embarrassment. "I'm Evie. Nice to meet you."
He was handsome, and his hand was pleasantly warm and big enough to envelop hers in the way she liked. His white teeth were fairly straight--probably not a child who had braces but was born lucky enough to not really need them--and his dark wavy hair set off his amber eyes. And that jaw. Jawline for freakin' days. He was tall, tall enough he'd have to lower his face to kiss her. Just the right amount of tall. So yeah, she could place a check next to the "Handsome" box.
"I'm GriffinRoyce. I've been looking forward to meeting you all week." Deep, smooth voice. Check that box, too. "Kevin didn't do you justice. He said you were pretty, but didn't tell me you were stunning."
Check checkity check.
"Oh." Evie felt the blush rise on her face. He didn't let go of her hand, so she lightly tugged. "Won't you come in?"
"Kevin's not here yet," Denise offered. "We can wait in the living room. My dad's--"
"About to watch TV," Stan said, coming from the kitchen with a beer in his hand. "So maybe you'd like to show your friend here around the front porch instead."
"Dad." Denise giggled nervously. "We're waiting for Kevin."
"So happens the first place Kevin will hit when he gets here is the porch so you can save him some time and meet him there."
"Sheriff Miller?" GriffinRoyce held out his hand. "GriffinRoyce Sbarro. I don't mean to intrude. I'll be happy to wait on the porch."
Stan shook his hand. "Now there's a guy who gets another guy who just wants some peace and quiet in his own home, am I right?"
"Wait." Evie pointed at Stan, GriffinRoyce, Stan again. "I thought you knew each other."
"No." GriffinRoyce looked between them. "I know of Sheriff Miller but we've never met."
"Stan?"
"Never seen him before in my life."
"Oh my god, Stan, you told me you thought he was an all right guy."
"When?"
"Two days ago, right in this very room when Denise talked me into this." She flashed a broad smile at GriffinRoyce in apology for sounding put out by that, when he'd turned out so very nice. And handsome and tall.
"No, no, no, no." Stan popped the tab on his beer and set it on the table next to his recliner, then put his hand on his hip. "You asked me if I knew a GriffinRoyce Sbarro, which I answered with a blank stare, and then you asked me a couple other questions which I think answered sure and okay. I never said he was an all right guy."
"I asked you if he was and you said sure."
"I wasn't listening. The minute I realized you were asking me about a guy I zoned out."
Evie spoke through her smile. "Thanks a lot."
GriffinRoyce cleared his throat. "I think I may turn out all right in the end, Evie. If you'll give me a chance?"
Stan shrugged and went back into the kitchen.
"Oh," Evie said, her grin wide enough it felt strange but was hard to stop. "I think there's a good chance. Very good chance."
Stan returned with a hand behind his back. "Not that I particularly care, but since you are at my house to pick up your date, and I guess I'm supposed to do the whole interested screen-for-weirdos routine, what is it you do for a living, GriffinRoyce Sbarro? Am I sayin' that right?"
GriffinRoyce's face fell. "You are."
Unemployed, Evie thought. Or self-employed with a failing business. Oh god, does he work at a different cemetery and maybe met Kevin at some gravedigger convention?
"I'm a freelance writer and photographer." Artistic. Freewheeling. Creative. Check.
Stan grunted in disapproval, no doubt hoping for a construction worker or a soldier or a deep sea diver who regularly fights sharks bare-handed. "That a pretty good living, is it?"
"Lately, it's been a little tough, but I've been writing a regular column for a magazine to fill in the gaps until a bigger assignment comes along."
"What magazine? Outdoor Life? Guns and Ammo? Somethin' like that?"
"Sensual Hobo Monthly."
Oh. Well, Evie wouldn't have wanted him to be too perfect. Had to leave a little room for improvement, right? And he only wrote for the magazine. He wasn't a model for it.
"Good circulation on that one? Big subscriber base?" Stan said, without missing a beat. Before Evie could be impressed by his restraint, the hand behind his back swung in an arc and lodged one of the silver daggers from Claire's sewing room into GriffinRoyce's chest.
"Oh my god!" Denise squealed. "Oh my God oh my--"
"Stan!" Evie grabbed his arm. "Writing for Sensual Hobo isn't a good enough reason to murder somebody!"
Stan pulled her away from GriffinRoyce. "I wholeheartedly disagree, but that's not why I stabbed him. Wait for it . . ."
GriffinRoyce laughed, black ooze bubbling from his mouth. "You got me, Constable."
Stan grabbed Evie and Denise and spun them as GriffinRoyce belched and exploded, splattering their backs and the walls and ceiling with black ooze thick as tar. It carried a sharp and unpleasant odor tinged with something sweet and familiar Evie couldn't place.
"Ugh, gross," Denise groaned, holding her arms out. "And what's that sweet smell that's a little bit like freshly baked chocolate chip cookies?"
Stan frowned at the pile of ooze that was no doubt seeping into the cracks of his hardwood floor. "Yep. Freshly baked chocolate chip cookies taken hot out of the oven by a skunk that smeared Limburger cheese all over itself then crawled into another skunk's asshole and died."
"That's it," Evie said. "That's exactly what I smell. Thanks for the clarification." She flicked her hands, sending gobs of goo to slap against the floor.
"Somebody's going to have to clean this up." Stan checked the lid of his beer and took a long drink. "And since I didn't invite him here, it ain't a gonna be me."
"How did you know?" Evie asked. What sign had she missed because she'd been so distracted by his smile and his charm and his perfect height and hands.
"Went with my gut. Finely honed from years working in law enforcement. Good instincts." He nodded smugly and took another drink.
"You stabbed a man in your living room because of a gut feeling?" Denise shouted.
"Thaaaaat, and I overheard you talking to Kevin about this whole deal a few days ago right after I'd read a prophecy in Claire's book that a wolf in sheep's clothing would invade my house on today's date and "make right what had gone undone" or some shit like that. Figured that meant somethin' evil would show up to kill me and Evie."
Evie could only manage to blink, but Denise peeled her sweater off and tried to scrape the goo from the back of it. "GriffinRoyce didn't have to be the wolf, Dad. The wolf could have come at any other time, you know."
"I could tell from your conversation with Kevin that nobody knew this guy, and it took me all of five minutes to figure out that nobody with that name lives around here, or anywhere, so he seemed as likely to be the evil as anything. And he was. So you're welcome."
Evie set aside her shock long enough to be touched. "You did a background search on my date?"
"Always a good idea," Stan said, but he'd gone from gruff to uncomfortable. "Can't be too careful. Especially with somebody called GriffinRoyce Sbarro," he said with his face screwed up. "What the hell kind of name is GriffinRoyce Sbarro? A name evil picks when it wants to use a blind date as a cover for a murder spree, that's what."
Stan clunked the beer can down on the table and sighed at the mess. He picked a glob of the stuff out of Evie's hair. "You shouldn't go on a blind date with someone you don't know."
She laughed, but didn't correct him. She took the ball of ooze from him and threw it to splat against the front of his shirt. 'I thought you did know him."
"I explained that."
"Yes, yes you did. But Denise said Kevin knew him. And Leon! Leon thought he was a pretty normal guy."
"That right there should have warned you away." Stan walked into the kitchen and motioned them to follow. "Let me show you something that might serve as a valuable life lesson when it comes to talking to men about other men. Or anything, really."
Evie and Denise rolled their eyes at each other as Stan dialed the phone.
"Hey, Kevo, getting ready for your big blind date? You didn't know about a date? That's okay since it's off anyway. By the way, how do you know that GriffinRoyce Sbarro guy? Uh huh. Uh huh. So you never told Denise you knew him? I see. Nope. Don't come over unless you're bringing a mop. Bye."
Stan turned to them, already dialing the phone again and putting it to his ear. "GriffinRoyce Sbarro showed up in the cemetery office while Denise was on the phone with Kevin. He asked about a plot, then asked about the pretty lady sheriff and suggested a double date, which Kevin didn't agree to. Denise misunderstood, because she's Denise, and then he probably took the phone and used some mojo on her or something. I'm not--Leon, hey, gotta question for you. Did you tell Evie that one GriffinRoyce Sbarro was a pretty normal guy? Mmmm. Yep, sounds about right." He hung up without saying goodbye.
"What?" Evie crossed her arms.
"You asked him if he knew the guy and he said a pretty normal guy. Then your phone rang and you must not have heard the entire sentence which was a pretty normal guy would never have a name like GriffinRoyce Sbarro and live around here unless he was using a fake name to probably do something evil like murder somebody."
Evie laughed and pressed her palms to her temples. "Why didn't he speak up?"
"You were on the phone, woman, and Leon can be stupid, but he ain't rude."
Did Evie have it all wrong and she was the crazy one in a town full of sane people? "Why would he have kept talking while I was on the phone? Why not wait until he knew I was listening to finish that sentence?"
Stan crossed his arms. "Because Leon's a man."
At the skeptical expressions on Evie's and Denise's faces, Stan added, "Well, mostly. And when men have something to say we power through and say it even though you women aren't really listening to us half the time so much as waiting for us to stop so you can wedge in there and take over the conversation."
Evie could think of nothing else to say but, "Really?"
Stan stepped up to her and took her by the shoulders, a small smile on his face, his eyes gentle in that rare way they could be when Stan was about to say something surprisingly touching and thoughtful, when he was trying to be caring and supportive.
"Yes, really. And Leon's a dipshit. You know that, Evie, come on Get with the program." He squeezed her shoulders before he let go, one corner of his mouth turning up. They held each other's gaze for a moment, longer than usual, and Evie couldn't keep the smile from her face.
Stan bumped her shoulder with his fist. "Okay, then. Chop chop." He clapped his hands. "Mop. Broom. Sandblaster, I don't know what the hell it'll take to clean this up, but let's get a move on."
Denise appeared with some rags, a mop and a bucket. "He really was handsome, though. At least there was that."
Evie laughed at Stan's longsuffering face as he shook his head and looked at the ceiling, probably aiming his gaze in the direction of where he hoped Claire might be watching from, shaking her own head at Denise and her strange and optimistic way of looking at the world.
"Yeah, he was handsome." And tall. And so many things she looked for in a man, except for the evil part. Should come as no surprise he was also too good to be true.
Evie had just finished her shift when she met Denise and Kevin walking arm in arm outside the Sheriff's office. A handsome man Evie didn't know dressed in a sportcoat and jeans and a shiny blue tie walked next to Denise, saying something that made both her and Kevin laugh.
"Hi guys." Evie waved and tried to keep walking--Stan sat in his car waiting to give her a ride home. Her squad car was in the garage with a cracked radiator, and Leon had been called to stop some kids from skateboarding in front of the Quik-Mart again.
"Evie!" Denise let go of Kevin's arm and ran to her to pull her toward Kevin and the stranger. Evie gave Stan an apologetic glance that might have also looked like a cry for help. He rolled his eyes and let his head drop back against the seat before he got out of the car.
"Dad, Evie," Denise said, "This is Joe. He's new in town, and he siiiingle."
"Jaysus," Stan mumbled.
Evie rubbed her forehead. One day she was going to have to talk to Denise about the things to share in front of people and the things to think and not say out loud. "Hi, Joe. I'm Evie Barret. Sheriff of Willard's Mill."
"Sheriff. Pleased to meet you." He held out his hand. Warm, dry. Big but not a catcher's mitt. And his voice--wait. Don't get carried away, Evie. He's with Denise and Kevin. Don't get your hopes up.
He held his hand out for Stan, who took it and shook, hard. "Stan Miller. Former Sheriff. Her father," he said, pointing at Denise. "Her friend," he said, pointing at Evie. "Anybody messes with them, I become their worst nightmare."
"What about me?" Kevin said.
Stan shrugged. "Yeah, him too."
Evie put her hand on Stan's arm, and he flashed her the tiny smile she'd grown to love, the one he so rarely showed anybody. It was a private Stan, and she enjoyed being one of the few people he shared it with.
Joe, instead of reacting defensively, merely grinned. "Not a problem, sir. I'm not here to cause trouble. Not too much, anyway."
"Good. Nice to meet ya." He turned Evie by the shoulder and leaned close. "Am I gonna have to kill this one, too?"
Evie leaned in, her cheek resting on Stan's shoulder for a minute. "Probably not. But thanks anyway."
He gave her a tight-lipped smile and headed back to the car. "Hurry up. My show starts at six."
Evie gave Denise a quick hug. "Gotta go. Nice to meet you, Joe."
"Wait, Evie, Joe's an engineer, and he's looking to meet some people in town. Like, for dates." She pulled her lips back into cross between a toothy grin and a grimace. "Know any single ladies. Like yourself. Who might be interested."
An engineer. Evie could see herself dating an engineer. "What kind of work is there for an engineer in Willard's Mill?" she asked him. "Or do you drive all the way to the city?"
"Still looking for now, but I'm sure I'll find something soon. I'd love to get to know the community a little better to make sure I want to put roots down here. Think I could talk the Sheriff into giving me a tour one day soon, maybe a rundown of the pros and cons of life in such a small town. Over dinner?"
Joe was tall. Just the right amount of tall. And an engineer. What the hell. "I think that could be arranged. My number's in the book, under Sheriff." She laughed, hating how nervous it sounded. "Very nice to meet you, Joe . . . what was your last name?"
"Fitzfarnsworth. JosephPryce Fitzfarnsworth."
"Uh huh," Evie said. Denise backed away. Damn it. Just the right amount of tall, and such lovely blue eyes.
"Stan," she shouted. "Couldya come back for just a sec and bring that shiny thing in the glove box?" Evie could shoot him, but bullets usually wouldn't do the trick, and she knew Stan kept some of Claire's weapons in the car for those times when you were running errands and ran across a murderous demon impervious to everything but silver hellbent on killing you as part of a centuries old curse. As one did.
"Jesus," Stan grumbled. A car door slammed. "Women."
JosephPryce, his eyes darkening, glanced between Evie and Stan who approached with a hand behind his back.
"So, Joe, what time tomorrow will you pick me up?" Evie asked. As he focused on her, she let go of his hand and stepped aside. Stan plunged the knife home then put an arm around Evie's back and spun her to protect her from the oncoming goo spray with his own body.
"You owe me another shirt," he said, the soft expression on his face betraying his gruff demeanor.
"I owe you more than that."
He stared into her eyes for a moment, squeezed the arm around her shoulders gently, then cleared his throat, and everyday Stan was back. "Don't get mushy, for god's sake."
Leon pulled up and got out of the car, his mouth hanging open. "What the heck happened here?"
"Some guy wanted to date Evie," Stan said, as if that should explain everything, "and things went about as expected."
Kevin turned and ran, shouting oh my god in a delayed response that seemed about right for Kevin. Denise ran after him, shouting his name.
Leon took a step back toward his car. "I'm so confused right now."
Evie helped Stan spread a couple of blankets from his trunk over the seat so they wouldn't get it dirtier than it already was. "Leon, call the city and have someone come clean this up," she said as she got into the front seat.
Evie and Stan shared a glance. He put his hand over hers. "You all right?"
"Am now." Evie smiled at him and let her feelings show, even though Stan claimed to hate the touchy-feely woman stuff. Stan was a curmudgeon. He was difficult. He was set in his ways. But he would always have her back, and if something was going to make her mushy, it was that.
"But what happened?" Leon shouted as he stood with hands on his hips surveying the blast site and the goo that ran down the front of the building.
Stan patted Evie's hand, then started the car and shook his head, laughing. "Just another beautiful day in Willard's Mill."