Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Baz

Thursday, January 5th, 2019.

+1 234 765 90 (4:34 p.m.):

+1 234 765 90 (4:34 p.m.): just got my nails done ;-)

Me (4: 36 p.m.):What the actual fuck?

+1 234 765 90 (4: 36 p.m.): sorry! wrong person! I was trying to txt my frend haha

Me (4: 41 p.m.): No offence, but who is the right person?

+1 234 765 90 (4: 43 p.m.): im not wierd I swr its just my friend we send each other werd shit we find and stuff like that

Me (4: 44 p.m.): Right.

-

+1 234 765 90 (7: 30 p.m.): sorry bout erlier am not weord I swr

Me (7: 42 p.m.): Why are you still texting me?

+1 234 765 90 (7: 45 p.m): i jst dont want somonen out there thinking am a creep

Me (7: 51 p.m.): Well, unfortunately for you, you've already failed at that.

+1 234 765 90 (7: 52 p.m.): what no!!! Plaese!!! Im not a creep I can prove it

+1 234 765 90 (7:52 p.m.): let me prove it please

+1 234 765 90 (7:52 p.m.): ill do anythign

Me (7: 53 p.m.): That doesn't sound off putting whatsoever. Besides, we're strangers. You shouldn't care what I think. Now please stop texting me.

+1 234 765 90 (7: 55 p.m.): let's not be starangers then

+1 234 765 90 (7: 55 p.m.): my name is simon

+1 234 765 90 (7: 55 p.m.): whats yours

Me (8: 00 p.m.): Are you actually twelve?

+1 234 765 90 ( 8: 04 p.m.): nooo im 18

Me (8: 16 p.m.): Stop giving out your personal information to strangers. Also, I thought I told you to stop texting me.

+1 234 765 90 ( 8: 20 p.m.): were not strangwrs you know my namme

+1 234 765 90 ( 8: 20 p.m.): you can stop texting me too you know

+1 234 765 90 ( 9: 24 p.m.): I dint mean jt!!!!

+1 234 765 90 ( 10: 02 p.m.): r you gone foreva?

+1 234 765 90 ( 10: 03 p.m.): im really not a creep...

+1 234 765 90 ( 10: 03 p.m.): ive just read stories lyk this bfor where two rondom people accdentlt txt and then they bcome friends and i just want to be frinds

+1 234 765 90 ( 10: 06 p.m.): I saw one of this old lady who acidntly invitd this guy to lyk a bbq or smth bcos she thot she was txting her grandson but she wasn't so d guy asks if he could still com ans the lady was lyk sure y not and the guy showd up nd theyve been frends for lyk three yrs and now they meet up all the tym for bbq

+1 234 765 90 ( 10: 07 p.m.): im so sorry im definitely disturbing you rn

+1 234 765 90 ( 10: 07 p.m.): or maybe not youve probs blcked me already

+1 234 765 90 ( 10: 14 p.m.): definitely blocked....

+1 234 765 90 (10: 30 p.m.): I realise now that I sound lyk a desperate friendless creep...

+1 234 765 90 ( 10: 31 p.m.): which isnt too far
off from d truth tbh

+1 234 765 90 ( 10: 31 p.m.): im gonna stop txting now

+1 234 765 90 ( 10: 32 p.m.): of you still havnent blcked me yet am sorry

-

Friday, January 6th, 2019

Me ( 11: 17 a.m.): You sent me fourteen messages. Do you just run on sheer impulse and nothing else?

+1 234 765 90 ( 11: 56 a.m.): honestly yeah prtty much

+1 234 765 90 ( 11: 57 a.m): ALSO YOU DINT BLK ME AM SO SHCKED

+1 234 765 90 ( 11:57 a.m.): deos this mean you want to b frends?

Me (12: 01 p.m.): I'm still not convinced that you aren't an actual child. You text like one.

+1 234 765 90 ( 12: 03 p.m.): hey!!! s just bcos I txt really fast

+1 234 765 90 ( 12: 03 p.m.): ure d one who txts all overly formal

+1 234 765 90 ( 12: 03 p.m.): are you lyk... 40?

+1 234 765 90 ( 12: 03 p.m.): I think ure 40

Me (12: 04 p.m.): And you would be okay with texting me if I was some random forty year old? You have a surprising lack of personal safety habits. I'm surprised you've lived this long.

+1 234 765 90 ( 12: 05 p.m.): lol my friend tells me that all d tym

Me (12: 05 p.m.): Well, your friend is right. How did you get my number anyway?

+1 234 765 90 ( 12: 06 p.m.): i found it on my phon but i dint save it with a name i saved it with a bunch of emojis

+1 234 765 90 ( 12: 06 p.m.): weve probably met bfor irl

Me( 12: 10 p.m.): If that's true, then how did you accidentally mistake me for your friend?

+1 234 765 90 ( 12: 14 p.m.): she lost her current phone nd had to start using her old numbr nd i thot this was it

+1 234 765 90 ( 12: 14 p.m.): i dont have that many numrs on my phone nd this was d only one that seemed lyk it mite be hers

Me ( 12: 17 p.m.): I don't really believe you but okay.

+1 234 765 90 ( 12: 18 p.m.): am not lying!!!! I swr!!!! i dont lie!!! take my word fr it

Me (12: 19 p.m.): I have absolutely no idea why you would believe that I would take your word for anything. But... Now that I think about it your explanation is plausible. I do happen to know an eighteen year old Simon.

+1 234 765 90 ( 12: 19 p.m.): see!!!! Told you i wasn't lting

+1 234 765 90 ( 12: 19 p.m.): maybe am your simon we probs met a party or summn which is why i dont rmbr you cus i was probs sloshed out of my mind

+1 234 765 90 ( 12: 18 p.m.): that means u arent 40!!!

+1 234 765 90 ( 12: 18 p.m.): i rlly didn't want to have to chit chat with a 40 yr old tbh

+1 234 765 90 (12: 18 p.m.): wat does your simon look lyk

Me (12: 20 p.m.): I'm not telling you that. You'll just agree to whatever I say.

+1 234 765 90 ( 12: 21 p.m.): how bout i tell you wat i look lyk then

Me (12: 22 p.m.): You do realise that I could also lie and pretend I know you right?

+1 234 765 90 (12: 22 p.m.): thats okay i trust you

+1 234 765 90 (12: 22 p.m.): wherever we met you gave me ur real numbr so that means ur nice and we probably hit it off!!!

Me (12: 24 p.m.): Or maybe the person you met gave you the wrong number, probably intentionally, and now you're texting me unprecedented. The Simon I know is probably a coincidence.

+1 234 765 90 ( 12: 26 p.m.): first of all ouch

+1 234 765 90 ( 12: 26 p.m.): secondly we could still be frienss even if that is true

Me (12: 27 p.m.): You must be really lonely if you're this desperate to make random friends through accidental messages.

+1 234 765 90 ( 12: 30 p.m.): you have no idea

Me (12: 32 p.m.): ...Fine. Describe yourself and I'll tell you if you match the Simon I know.

+1 234 765 90 ( 12: 33 p.m.): ans if i dont?

Me (12: 34 p.m.): Well... You don't seem like a serial killer. We'll see where we go from there.

+1 234 765 90 ( 12: 35 p.m.): okay!!

+1 234 765 90 ( 12: 35 p.m.): so am a guy in case you couldnnt tell

+1 234 765 90 ( 12: 35 p.m.): 18, tall ish? Am lyk 5 11 maybe

+1 234 765 90 ( 12: 35 p.m.): curly brown hair blue eyes white

+1 234 765 90 ( 12: 36 p.m.): freckles everywhereeeeeee and moles too

+1 234 765 90 ( 12: 36 p.m.): also i use glasses but i mite have not been wearing them when we met

+1 234 765 90 ( 12: 36 p.m.): does that ring any bells?

Me ( 12: 49 p.m.): Either this is a terrible coincidence or we actually do know each other and you're not a liar.

Cute Idiot ( 12: 57 p.m.): told you so!!!

Cute Idiot ( 12: 57 p.m.): so whats ur name????

Cute Idiot ( 12: 57 p.m.): and where do we know each othet from??

Cute Idiot ( 12: 57 p.m.): im actaully bursting with excitement pleae tell meeeee

Me ( 12: 59p.m.): We met at Trixie's New Year party. You probably wouldn't remember me though. We didn't talk much.

Cute Idiot ( 1: 00 p.m.): really???

Cute Idiot ( 1: 01 p.m.): tbh i was absolutely sozzled at that party i dont remember much

Cute Idiot ( 1: 01 p.m.): you were probs pretty memorable tho

Cute Idiot ( 1: 01 p.m.): since i asked for your number ;-);-);-)

Cute Idiot ( 1: 01 p.m.): id probs remember your name at least

Me ( 1: 03 p.m.): Doubtful but okay. My name is Ty.

Cute Idiot ( 1: 07 p.m.): ty.... I'm sorry i actualy dont remember

Cute Idiot ( 1: 07 p.m.): the side effects of exessive alcohol ig

Cute Idiot ( 1: 07 p.m.): but it's fine!!

Cute Idiot ( 1: 08 p.m.): we can just start our friejdship from the top right?

Cute Idiot ( 1: 08 p.m.): hi im simon

-

WhatsApp Group: ( Dev and the Devils would be such an awesome band name I-)

Members: (You, Bane of my existence and Honorary Brother.)

Me: IT'S HIM I AM FREAKING OUT!

Bane of my existence: u do realise that we have no fucking clue what ur going on about right?

Me: Of course you don't. The bloke who's been texting me. It's Simon. Like, the real Simon.

Bane of my existence: the one you've been bitching about for months now because he's a moron? the one in all ur classes? that Simon?

Bane of my existence: why are u excited to find out that random text guy is him? I though u hated Simon.

Me: ...It's moments like these that you show how truly dense you are. I need Niall.

Honorary Brother: Baz wants Simon to stick it to him I thought that was obvious?

Me: It was pretty obvious Dev is just Dev

Bane of my existence: piss off Baz

Bane of my existence: besides how was i supposed to know u like him all u do is complain about him

Bane of my existence: also u treat him like ass

Honorary Brother: Apparently that's how our dear Bazzy flirts. How did he get your number anyway?

Me: Don't fucking call me that.

Me: And I don't treat him badly intentionally. He just makes me nervous...

Bane of my existence: awwwnnn thats like the cutest thing uve ever said

Bane of my existence: bazzy has a crushhhhhh
bazzy has a crushhhh

Me: The amount of pleasure I will derive from ending you will be immeasurable.

Bane of my existence: cute

Honorary Brother: Stop bickering. Baz answer my question.

Me: He was at Trixie's party... I managed to talk to him for a bit and it seemed like we were flirting but he was drunk out of his mind and he vomited all over me. I helped him get home and he collected my number so he could say thanks later or something...

Honorary Brother: And you didn't tell us this because???

Me: Because it's fucking embarrassing.

Honorary Brother: Kind of but not really. You said he was flirting with you that means he's into you too right?

Me: He was absolutely pissed, Niall. He was flirting with everybody.

Honorary Brother: Okay then. So he didn't know who you were when he texted you but at least you guys are up to speed now and talking right? Maybe you'll hit it off for real this time.

Me: Well...

Honorary Brother: Well? What does 'well' mean? You guys are talking right?

Me: We are, kind of... But he isn't exactly up to speed.

Honorary Brother: Meaning?

Me: I kind of lied to him? I made it seem like we just met at the party and he gave me his number... I told him my name was Ty...

Bane of my existence: oh snap

Honorary Brother: Why the fuck would you do that?

Me: I panicked alright? He hates me in real life. This is like my second chance, I don't want to fuck it up again.

Honorary Brother: You can't start a relationship on a lie Baz.

Me: I'm not trying to 'start a relationship.' He's straight... We're just going to try an be friends? I'll tell him who I am eventually...

Bane of my existence: that's a horrible fucking idea

Honorary Brother: For once Dev is actually right.

Honorary Brother: Also he's straight? Why the fuck would you let yourself fall in love with a straight guy. Isn't that like Gay Rules 101?

Bane of my existence: wait, baz is in love with this guy? holy fuck.

Bane of my existence: someone send a picture of him. I want to see the guy who actually melted baz pitch's ice cold heart.

Me: I'm not a hundred percent sure he's straight but I know he had a girlfriend last year. And besides, it's not like I tried to fall in love with him.

Me: It's like that Jane Austen quote, "I was in the middle before I knew I had begun."

Bane of my existence: omg ur quoting classic literature for this bloke and i still dont know what he looks like

Bane of my existence: send me picsssss

Honorary Brother: The bloke doesn't have an Instagram so where the fuck do you want us to get his pictures from?

Me: ...His friend does though. That girl with the purple hair. Bunce.

Honorary Brother: Have you been stalking him via his friend's Instagram posts?

Me: Stalking is a tad drastic.

Bane of my existence: Let me see him.

Me: 

Bane of my existence: Dayuuum no homo but he's hot.

Me: Yes homo, he's exceedingly hot.

Honorary Brother: Just be careful Baz.

Me: I'll be fine.

Chapter Text

Simon

Friday, January 6th, 2019.

Me (1: 08 p.m.): hi im simon

😍😍😍☺ (1: 11p.m.): Are we really doing this?  

Me (1:12 p.m.): yes 

Me (1: 13 p.m.): yes we are 

😍😍😍☺ (1: 14 p.m.):  ...

Me (1: 14 p.m.): this is the part where yuo intoduce urself to me 

😍😍😍☺ (1: 15 p.m.): Right. Okay. My name is Ty. 

Me (1:16 p.m.): well ty its very nice to meet you  :)

Me (1:16 p.m.): can I get a selfie

Ty the txting guy (1: 23 p.m.): That's awfully forward of you, isn't it? We've only just met.

Me (1: 25 p.m.): well yh kind of but you already know wht I look lyk so 

Me (1: 25 p.m.): fairs fair 

Me (1: 25 p.m.): lets be on eqaul footing yh?

Ty the txting guy (1: 26 p.m.): You have a point but I can't send you a selfie right now. I don't take pictures of myself so I don't have any on my phone and where I currently am is pretty dark. 

Me (1: 27 p.m.): thats fine!!!

Me (1: 27 p.m.): you can just describ yourself to me lyk what I did bfore 

Me (1: 27 p.m.): just want to have a mental image of who im txting yk?

Me (1: 27 p.m.): rn ure just some faceless formless blob in my head

Me (1: 27 p.m.): but lyk 

Me (1: 28 p.m.): with a monocle 

Me (1: 28 p.m.): I imagine you with a monacle for some reason 

Ty the txting guy (1: 28 p.m.):  ...I have absolutely no idea how you came to that conclusion but I'm vaguely intrigued. 

Me (1: 29 p.m.): lol 

Me (1: 29 p.m.): it bcos of stuff lyk that yk?

Me (1: 29 p.m.): lyk the way you type 

Me (1: 29 p.m.): its all fromal and stuff

Me (1: 29 p.m.): you use lyk proper puntuation and capital letters 

Me (1: 29 p.m.): makes you sound all posh and proper 

Me (1: 30 p.m.): nd when I think of posh proper people I just think of lyk monocles and top hats lyk the monoply man

Monopoly man (1: 31 p.m.): You think not typing like an infant makes me posh? You set the bar extremely low, Snow.

Me (1: 31 p.m.): hey! I dont type lyk an infant

Me (1: 33 p.m.): I could use proper punctuation and capitalisation and spelling if I so wish. 

Me (1: 33 p.m.): See? Just did. 

Me (1: 33 p.m.): it just takes a lotta tym yk? Lyk im still voherent 

Monopoly Man (1: 34 p.m.): Yes, you are exceptionally 'voherent'. 

Me (1: 34 p.m.): piss off yk what I ment 

Me (1: 34 p.m.): ALSO THIS IS SO UNFIAR YOU KNOW MY LAST NAME ANS I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU LOOK LYK OR YUOR FULL NAME 

Monopoly Man (1: 36 p.m.): Fine. I'll describe myself but I'm not telling you my full name. 

Me (1: 36 p.m.): why not? 

 Me (1: 36 p.m.): omg r you runplestiliskkm 

Monopoly Man (1: 38 p.m.): ...I'm not even going to attempt an interpretation of that.

Monopoly Man (1: 36 p.m.): And I'm not telling you my full name because I dislike it. 

Me (1: 36 p.m.): why do you dislije it?

Monopoly Man (1: 36 p.m.): It's a ridiculous name. Dreadfully embarrassing.

Me (1: 37 p.m.): omg now I hvae to know 

Monopoly Man (1: 37 p.m.): Absolutely not. 

Me (1: 37 p.m.): pleaesse 

Me (1: 37 p.m.): im begginog 

Monopoly Man (1: 38 p.m.): Well since you're begginog then I have to give in, don't I?

Me (1: 38 p.m.): git 

Me (1: 39 p.m.): begginog sounds lyk eggnog 

Me (1: 39 p.m.): I had the best eggnog evr during christmas 

Me (1: 39 p.m.): was more vodka than eghnog but still twas niiice 

Monopoly Man (1: 40 p.m.): I'm starting to think you have a bit of alcohol problem.

Me (1: 40 p.m.): whatt nooo

Me (1: 40 p.m.): okay maybe 

Me (1: 40 p.m.): but I only drink ehen someond gives me alcohol

Me (1: 41 p.m.): which now that i thihk about isnt a good idae 

Me (1: 41 p.m.): im getting off topic what were we takling about again? right

Me (1: 41 p.m.): you have to tell mw your full name pleaseee 

Me (1: 41 p.m.):  pretty pleaseee

Me (1: 41 p.m.):  puppy dog faces 

Monopoly Man (1: 44 p.m.): Are you usually this annoying or is there something in the air today?

Me (1: 45 p.m.): oh im sorry 

Me (1: 46 p.m.): ill try not to bother you amymore sorry

Me (1: 46 p.m.): I just get a bit too exited when I get to meet new people haha

Me (1: 46 p.m.): sorry

Monopoly Man (1: 47 p.m.): I was just taking the piss, Snow. It's fine. 

Monopoly Man (1: 47 p.m.): My full first name is Tyrannus but if you ever call me that, I'll find you and hurt you.

Tyrannosaurus (1: 48 p.m.): I'm 18 as well. A guy. I have black hair and grey eyes. Light brown skin. 6" 1'. No monocles. 

Me (1: 48 p.m.): omg i cant beleive you sent mw 3 txts in a row i feel so special 

Me (1: 48 p.m.): also are you sure bout the no monicles thing because i was xertain that wss spot on 

Tyrannosaurus (1: 49 p.m.): My vision is 20/20, I can assure you. 

Me (1: 49 p.m.): you cloud just wear them for the aeasthetics 

Tyrannosaurus (1: 49 p.m.): *aesthetics. Do you know how hard it is not to constantly correct your grammar and spelling? 

Me (1: 49 p.m.): prat

Me (1: 49 p.m.): so yuo have black hair ans grey eys and your name is tyrsnasauraus and ur posh

Me (1: 49 p.m.): if yuo said u had pale skin id have claled you a vampire tbh 

-

-

Me (2: 01 p.m.): penny its been 12 minites i think he hates ms 

My Only Brain Cell (2: 07 p.m.): *it's, *minutes, *I, *me. 

Me (2: 08 p.m.): fuck off

Me (2: 08 p.m.): but also HELP

My Only Brain Cell (2: 09 p.m.): You do realize that his entire life probably doesn't revolve around texting you, right?

My Only Brain Cell (2: 10 p.m.): He could be busy, or distracted or tired of texting. You've been texting for the past two hours, Si. I would have stopped responding. 

Me (2: 11 p.m.): well yh but he seemed to be jsut as into the convo as i was 

Me (2: 11 p.m.): lyk he was respondidng right quick 

Me (2: 11 p.m.): and he dint say i was annoying

Me (2: 11 p.m.): he even sent me 3 txts in a rrow once! 

My Only Brain Cell (2: 13 p.m.): Him not saying you're annoying him doesn't mean much. Not that you are, but receiving several texts in a span of seconds can get on someone's nerves especially if they don't know you. He might just be nice. 

Me (2: 13 p.m.): he isnt nice oenny i can assure you  

Me (2: 13 p.m.): hes really fucking sarcatsic 

Me (2: 13 p.m.): sarcastic 

Me (2: 14 p.m.): he accused me of hvaing an alchol problem 

My Only Brain Cell (2: 14 p.m.): Well, you did completely black out in meeting him so... Also if he isn't nice then why do keep texting him? 

Me (2: 15 p.m.): hes kind of funny 

My Only Brain Cell (2: 16 p.m.): Is he being mean to you? If he is, please don't make up excuses on his behalf Simon. You don't have to text to this guy. 

Me (2: 17 p.m.): he isnt mean pen 

Me (2: 17 p.m.): ok maybe he kind if is but its lyk... not real meanness? 

Me (2: 17 p.m.): is meanness a word? 

Me (2: 17 p.m.): his mean is kind of funny?

Me (2: 18 p.m.): lyk i dont think he means it 

My Only Brain Cell (2: 18 p.m.): So he's like Baz then. 

Me (2: 19 p.m.): wdym hes lyk baz

Me (2: 19 p.m.): baz hates me

Me (2: 19 p.m.): he thinks im an idiot 

My Only Brain Cell (2: 19 p.m.): Simon, we've been over this, Baz doesn't hate you. He's into you too. 

Me (2: 20 p.m.): he really isnt pen... 

Me (2: 20 p.m.): you just think he is since tou figured out that i like him 

My Only Brain Cell (2: 20 p.m.): I've thought that he fancies you for ages, Si. Well before you realised you were into him last week. It's pretty obvious if you think about it. 

Me (2: 22 p.m.): baz wouldnt like someone like me. 

Me (2: 22 p.m.): he doesnt

My Only Brain Cell (2: 23 p.m.): Simon, Baz literally doesn't make the attempt talk to anyone in our class except for you. He goes well out of his way to antagonize you. 

Me (2: 23 p.m.): becauwe hes a snob!!! 

Me (2: 23 p.m.): and because he hates me!!!

My Only Brain Cell (2: 25 p.m.): Okay, maybe yes to the snob part but if he truly hated you, he wouldn't bother with you at all.

Me (2: 26 p.m.): ...I hate when your all logical

Me (2: 26 p.m.): he migth not hate me but that still doesnt mean he fancies mw 

My Only Brain Cell (2: 27 p.m.): Whatever you say. 

Me (2: 27 p.m.): OMG ILL TTYL TY JUST TEXTED ME

My Only Brain Cell (2: 28 p.m.): Who's Ty?

My Only Brain Cell (2: 33 p.m.): Simon?