Chapter Text
Hawke rested a hand on Sienna’s shoulder as they gazed down from the front porch of their tiny cabin toward the heart of SnowDancer territory.
“What’s got you looking so far away?” he asked.
“Thinking about the pack. About how I never could have imagined this when I was a child, when I barely saw my blood family and we all had to hide...everything important. Even after Judd came and got me, I couldn’t have imagined SnowDancer. Until it was real.”
Hawke grinned. He more than heard Sienna’s deep love and care for their pack, he felt it ripple through their mating bond. “And now I get to share the responsibility that goes with it,” he said, “since you didn’t have the sense to run screaming when you had a chance.”
Sienna smiled back, though her eyes were dark and serious. “I could never. Not once I knew I could stay and not destroy everything. Though”--her smile grew a little broader and more mischievous--”I do seem to recall some screaming being involved.”
“Indeed,” Hawke’s crinkled with warmth and wry laughter. Sienna leaned into his side, wrapping an arm around his waist, and they watched the sun begin to set over SnowDancer land.
After awhile, Hawke spoke again, “They’re all our family, through the pack bond, but Sienna--we haven’t had a chance to talk about starting our own.”
“It wasn't the easiest talk to have in the middle of a war, no. And now--there's still so much to do.”
“There may never be a perfect time, and Sienna—I want cubs with you. Cubs that we can share all of this with,” he gestured out over the valley. “Cubs who’ll get to know the pack at peace, who’ll never have a moment when they aren’t surrounded by love.”
The depth of passion and sincerity in his voice warmed something deep inside Sienna, and she trembled a little at the same time, not with fear but with the sense that this conversation was touching something big, a deep well of feeling that lived in both of them. She took in a breath and let it out slowly. Noticing her impulse to lighten things a bit, she teased.
“Huh, that was pretty eloquent, Mr. Wolf. And eloquence gets rewarded with kisses.” She pressed her mouth and her body into his, and they didn’t talk for awhile after that--not in words at least. Eventually they separated a little and Sienna took another deep breath.
“ I want a family with you too. I want that so much and I want to say I’m ready, let’s do it, but...the SnowDancer web is still new and I’ve just gained that control for myself, I’m still coming to terms with the fact that I’m NOT going to die and possibly take everyone I love with me, with the fact that Ming's never going to threaten us again. I’m not ready to be a mother and I’m especially not ready to be a mother to a potential X. But I,” she choked a little, “I feel weak for saying that because I don’t want it to be true. I want to give you a family, because yours was lost. I don’t want you to feel like something’s missing.”
Hawke wrapped his arms around her. “I have you, Sienna. I have you and that’s more than enough. We don’t have to rush. We have time.” He squeezed her a little tighter. “We have time, baby. And you know, someday, if we do have a child with the X gene, they’ll have the SnowDancer web to hold them and help them channel; they’ll have so much that you never had and you’re amazing. I can’t imagine anyone better to teach them.”
Sienna smiled a crooked smile. “Yeah, I get that up here.” She tapped her temple with one finger. “But I think it’s going to take some time to feel it here.” She laid her hand over her heart.
“We have time.” Hawke repeated. “And if anyone in the den tries to pressure you about it, they’ll hear from me.”
“I can handle a few inquiring maternal wolves, Hawke.” Sienna rolled her eyes just a little.
“I know you can, babe. I just don’t want anyone in the pack to get the idea that they’re somehow doing us a favor by trying to make us fit whatever ideal image of an Alpha couple they’ve got in their heads.”
“Have some faith in our pack, Hawke--they know you--know both of us--better than that.”
“You’re right. I just--changeling tradition can have a powerful hold on people’s feelings. And I’ve never fit the mold and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna start now.”
Sienna laughed again, “Truly, I don’t think we have anything to worry about.”
And indeed, it was as if the pack sensed their feelings on the matter and left the subject carefully alone. And perhaps they did exactly that. Sienna had always thought that the pack bond was not completely different from a Net, and with the formation of the SnowDancer web, everyone had been woven that much more closely together.
No one asked probing questions, no one pushed. But children were so central to the life of the pack that over the yearsahead, both Hawke and Sienna found themselves with plenty of opportunities to consider that possible future.
Naya Hunter & Ben Stone
Perhaps it was because they had been a part of her life so very early--Sienna had been present at her birth--but despite the fact that they were of SnowDancer, not DarkRiver, Hawke and Sienna were honored to be among Naya’s favorite grownups. At each and every joint pack gathering, she would rush up to them for a hug from Sienna and a (careful, lest Lucas growl) toss in the air from Hawke. Sometimes she’d even stay for a few minutes of lap snuggles before rushing off to play, though that was getting rarer as she got older and discovered the adventures that came along with trying to keep up with the “big kids.”
Still, Sienna was startled when she felt a panicked mindvoice calling Sinna, Sinna, as she walked back to the den after morning patrol. It wasn’t a stranger’s voice, but it wasn’t a familiar one either. And it was definitely a child. I’m here, she sent, who’s this?
Naya! came the response. Sinna help me!
Don’t worry, I will, she sent back, trying to fill her sending with calm and security.
What’s wrong?
We came to play with the wolves and we were ‘posed to stay all together but I wanted to go with Ben! He was going by himself and he said I was too little an I had to go back but then i slipped on a rock and he caught me but then he falled and now he’s hurt. It all came out in a rush of thought.
Where is Ben hurt, Naya? Sienna asked, trying not to let the little girl’s panic infect her.
On his leg! He can’t move!
All right, Sienna sent, I need you to help me. Take a deep breath, OK, and then make a really good picture inside your mind of where you and Ben are. Can you do that?
I can do it! Naya sent, and accompanying it with a picture of some rocks near a stream that Sienna recognized as being fairly close to the den; it wasn’t the spot that was a popular play site for the elementary kids, but another, quieter spot, a little upstream.
I’m going to get our healer, like Tammy at DarkRiver, to help Ben. And you can help by staying with him and keeping him company until we get there. You can always talk to me like this though, with your mind, if you get scared.
Okay, Sinna. I’m not scared now.
And indeed, when Sienna brushed Naya’s mind periodically, as she fetched Lara and they headed for the children’s location, she seemed concerned for her friend, but basically unworried. She had complete trust that the adults of either pack would help and protect her, would do as they’d said they would. Sienna marveled at what it would be to grow up, to be both Psy and Changeling, and have that base of trust from day one, if not before.
When they arrived, Naya was leaning against Ben’s side, and saying “I’m really sorry you got hurt I didn’t want you to be by yourself and be sad!”
“I know, Naya. And I’m sorry I got mad at you for following me. You just wanted to make me feel better. But sometimes you gotta let people deal with stuff by themselves first. Maybe you’ll understand it better when you’re older,” he said, from the height of double-digited wisdom.
Naya elbowed him lightly in the ribs.
“I don’t like it when my friends are sad; it hurts right here,” she said and patted her chest.
“Awww, Naya. I’ll try not to feel things so loud next time.”
Lara carefully palpated Ben’s injured leg. “It doesn’t look like it’s broken, which you can be glad of for several reasons, including that I won’t have to carry you out of here.” She helped him up and handed him a set of crutches, which he took gratefully.
“You look tired,” Sienna told Naya, “do you want a piggy-bank ride?” Naya set her chin obstinately,
“I’m not tired,” she insisted, “but I do want a piggy-back ride.”
Sienna knelt so the little girl could climb onto her shoulders, and they made their slow way back to the den, crossing paths with DarkRiver’s frantic assistant nursery teacher on the way.
“Don’t be too hard on her, Francie,” Sienna said. “She knew enough to call me, and she kept her head pretty well for someone her age."
Ben sighed glumly, “Walker’s gonna kill me, sorry, Sienna.”
She laughed. “He’s my uncle, I know what he’s like. And you might be surprised. Did you actually break any rules?”
“No, we can go anywhere in the Free Zone as long as we’re back by the end of recess, and I was gonna come back...but I should have put taking care of Naya first and walked back with her myself instead of trying to keep going on alone and shooing her away.”
Sienna turned to Ben. "It sounds like you’ve got some stuff going on. Want to come up and talk to Hawke about it? Between you and me, he could really use a break from those finance reports.”
Ben looked down at his shoes, but nodded.
Hawke looked up from his desk when Sienna came in.
“Brought a visitor for you, babe.” she said.
“Please tell me they’re not from Accounting.” Hawke replied, “Not because I don’t appreciate them, but I’ve had about all the graph-based presentations I can take for one morning.”
“No, we had to do a bit of a rescue this morning, Lara and I--don’t worry, nothing serious, though Lucas might growl a little on the next conference call, since Naya was involved--the cats’ nursery was visiting today,” she added by way of explanation.
“So they were. Come in, Ben,” he called, having just scented the boy in the hallway.
Ben edged in, anxiety showing the tightness of his shoulders, but he nodded decisively when Hawke said, “Explain what happened in your own words.”
Once finished, Hawke said, “well, I think you have a good grasp on how you might have handled that situation better, but hindsight is always clearest. What’s most important is how we react in the moment, and what I see is a young man who was able to stop focusing on himself to prevent a younger child from being hurt, and who retained enough presence of mind to help her use her own gifts to get you two out of a tough spot. But Ben, you still haven’t told me one thing--why was it so important to you to be alone?”
“Can’t a guy want some privacy every now and then?” Ben said, a little sullenly.
“Of course. But it sounds like something specific’s gnawing you, Ben, and I’d like you to tell me about it, since this whole situation would not have arisen otherwise.”
“This is so embarrassing, ugh,” Ben said, “I’m just really tired of some of the guys in my class, that’s all. They keep ragging me about how I like to play with the younger kids sometimes or talk to older people. One of them even called me” cough, ‘Alpha’s pet.’ “
He looked down and away from Hawke. “And Naya really wanted to be my partner, during the Big Kid/Little Kid exercises today, just walked right up and claimed me, and some of the guys were razzing me about it. And I could fight them---but, ugh, everything’s a contest with them, it’s all about who’s toughest, and I’m so bored of it! But they won’t stop pulling my tail…I culd fight them, and I probably will sometime, but, like I just don't wanna. And not because I'm scared, I just don't want to.”
Hawke put a finger under Ben’s chin, lifting it up. “First of all, you’ve learned already what I think it may take some of those hotheads awhile to absorb, which is that “toughness” is useless, no, worse than useless, if it’s not used for the purpose of helping your packmates and allies and keeping them safe. So, if you do fight them, I strongly suggest knocking them on their butts as quickly as possible. Second, it’s true that I’ve been more involved in your life than I have been in the lives of some of your classmates, but as your Alpha I care for each and every one of you. And you can trust me to be honest with you, Ben. I don’t do special treatment, so any praise or punishment you get from me, you earned. Got it?”
Ben nodded and all at once gave up his aloofness, charging into Hawke and wrapping his arms around him.
Hawke rubbed his back. “Ooof. That’s the Ben I know. Ready to head back now?"
“Yeah, I’m ready.”
And he swung out on his new crutches, calling out, “Thanks again, Sienna,” as he left.
Sienna and Hawke exchanged glances after he left and smiled. “Never a dull moment in SnowDancer, is there?” Sienna teased.
“Not with cubs around, there isn’t!” Hawke grinned back.