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Steve can admit that he was not supposed to be there.
Tony always made Steve notify him if he planned on coming over. It was a precaution Steve didn’t always understand, but he always respected it.
No, Steve was not meant to be there. At least not without warning Tony in advance that he would be coming. Steve had always respected that, he always did.
He really didn’t mean to show up unannounced. But earlier a gallery owner had approached him about one of the paintings, thanks fo his dedicated lecturer, and Steve could barely stop himself from doing cartwheels all the way to Tony’s house. He was beyond elated. All he wanted was to share the moment with Tony.
They had been dating for nine months. The day they met Steve had arrived early for his shift at the campus coffee shop. The sun was barely up and Steve ended up walking straight into a pillar when he heard a voice. The disheveled student begged him for coffee because his machine broke and he assured Steve that without his coffee he would surely combust. Apparently genius never slept. Steve was enchanted by Tony Stark the first time they met.
Steve impulsively asked him out on a date after watching him gulp down three cups of coffee in as many minutes and shove a doughnut in his mouth leaving his face an icing-covered mess. It was adorable and Steve instantly wanted to know everything about him. Tony was hyper and he was rambling on about a project he was working on and Steve just asked him. Tony grinned and said yes, he was very quick to say it and it made Steve’s heart skip a few beats.
They told each other that they loved each other a month in. It was premature and Steve was astounded when Tony returned it. He never thought he could be this lucky. They were in college and all their friends told them they were too young to know the love of their lives. But they couldn’t feel his rapid heartbeats, the way his stomach did somersaults or the way his mind always seemed to be consumed by Tony. That was why he had to come to Tony immediately.
He didn’t think as he rang the doorbell, shifting excitedly on his feet. He was ready to tell Jarvis about the news when he saw the doorknob turn. He abruptly closed his mouth as it opened.
“Rogers.” He always spoke so sternly. A permanent frown etched onto his face. His gaze narrowed disapprovingly at Steve’s appearance—paint-stained shorts, a tattered shirt and sweat glistening on his forehead.
“Mr Stark, sir. I apologize for showing up unannounced. Can I see Tony?” Steve pretended not to notice the way Howard guarded the entrance. He wasn’t the largest man, but his presence was always imposing.
“He’s busy. Another time.” His curt reply was quickly followed by an attempt to close the door. Steve stuck his hand out and pushed half of his body between the door and the frame.
“I know he’s here.” It wasn’t supposed to be intimidating. Steve wasn’t intimidating. He was muscular and tall, but Tony always went on about what a softie he was. Howard’s glare somehow managed to intensify but Steve’s grip on the door only strengthened, despite the chills running down his spine.
“Leave, now.” Steve flinched when Howard’s calloused hands wrapped themselves around his wrist in a bone-crushing grip. Steve looked down, only for a second, at his hands but he saw it.
The red that stained his nails and tried to hide underneath them. The bruising knuckles frantically cleaned leaving specks of red.
All reason vanished. Steve used his superior weight and pushed past Howard. He couldn’t even stop to enjoy the older man’s stumble and landing with a loud thud. He could barely manage a coherent thought. Tony’s room was a place he could never forget, even though this place was a labyrinth.
He burst into the room and his eyes immediately found Tony. A wave of pain washed over him as he took in the shaking ball he curled himself into in a corner of the room. His whimpers were barely audible but rang loudly in Steve’s ears—a sound he knew would haunt him for years to come. Steve spotted a few bruises on the back of his arms and saw the slight red that dotted and trailed down his face.
“Sweetheart...”
Steve would do anything to forget the way Tony flinched when he first heard the sound. Steve didn’t want to try and calculate how many times it had happened that the slightest sounds terrified him. Tony slowly looked up and his expression flitted from confusion to relief to horror.
“I never wanted you to see me like this.”
Steve could have never wanted to see him like that either. Tears stained his cheeks, but they couldn’t hide the pain inflicted on him there. His lips were cut and coated with blood. His nose looked broken. His eyes bore similar red marks, which would soon become black eyes. His cheeks were clearly battered. Steve wasn’t sure where the blood ended and Tony started.
Steve dropped to his knees and Tony turned his face away in shame. Steve gently, hesitantly took Tony’s hands in his. He half expected Tony to pull his hands away, but he squeezed Steve’s hands. It was almost as though he was making sure that Steve really was there. The defensive wounds on his arms were clear and Steve gritted his teeth.
“He only just started. He’ll be mad that you interrupted him.” Tony’s voice was small with fear but hopeless. He was warning Steve to leave but had resigned himself to the fact that his suffering would only continue.
“He will never touch you again,” Steve promised firmly with such conviction in his voice that Tony’s eyes found his for a mere second before he averted his gaze back to the floor.
Memories flashed through Steve’s mind. There were countless times when Tony had shown up with a certain bruise that he always attributed to falling (because he was clumsy and exhausted) or an incident in the workshop while he was building something. Sometimes when Steve hugged Tony, he would wince or hiss in pain as though his entire body hurt. Tony said he didn’t sleep well or his workouts were especially grueling. Steve believed him, he didn’t think Tony would lie.
Steve only wished Tony trusted him enough to tell him the truth. Steve would have protected him. The last thing he would feel was disgust or disappointment.
Howard’s footsteps were impossible to ignore. Steve’s breath lodged in his throat in trepidation and Tony’s grip tightened. Howard didn’t bother knocking. As soon as he entered, his presence seemed to fill every inch of the room. He was imposing. It was suffocating. Tony’s room was large but it was impossible to see or feel anything other than pure Howard (narcissism, cruelty, and manipulation which all seemed to be emitted from his cologne, perhaps it was natural). Steve wondered if his presence had always been this intrusive or whether the malicious glint in his eyes was the reason. Any other day Steve would be riddled with fear, but he still had Tony’s bloody hand in his.
“Step away from him and leave before you get hurt.” There was a steely edge to Howard’s voice and he walked so he stood directly above them to emphasize his power over them. Tony tried to make himself smaller and Steve’s stomach tightened.
Steve got to his feet and suddenly Howard didn’t seem so tall. Steve tried to ensure that his fear didn’t emanate from him the same way Howard’s arrogance did. He motioned for Tony to move further behind him.
“I’m not going to let you hurt him again. Let me take him and nobody gets hurt.” Steve could hardly believe the words coming out of his mouth. He’d never threatened anybody before. He didn’t want to be violent. He didn’t want to actually make his words a reality and see what his hands could do.
“Rogers, this is family business. Leave.” Howard clenched his fists, but Steve only planted his feet firmer. Tony was his family, just as much as his mother and Bucky were. Steve would put his life on the line for his family, that would never change no matter how frightening Howard appeared.
Steve tried his best not shudder. As scared as he was (he had zero fighting experience. Could he even throw a punch?), his rage was stronger. Knowing what Howard had done to Tony filled him with a burning hatred.
“No.”
Howard chuckled, hollow and cruel before he swung. Steve was thrown off by the chuckle and Howard’s fist landed hard against his cheek. Steve stumbled backward, groaning as he felt the throbbing pain in his face. Tony cried out in protest and began to struggle and pull himself up to his feet. Steve placed a hand on the wall to regain his balance and saw Tony clutching his stomach in pain as he tried to stand up. The tug at his heart that he felt reminding him of why he was doing this.
Howard swung again, seething with rage. He missed. Steve felt as though he lost control of his own body. An out-of-body experience. He was not even sure if he could have stopped himself if he wanted to at that moment. He was merely an observer of his own body as he struck Howard down with a strength he never knew he possessed. Howard landed on the ground with a thud, clearly shocked by Steve acting out on his threats and it not being a bluff. Steve instantly got on top of Howard, trapping him underneath him. Completely at his mercy.
He punched. He punched. He punched. He began to lose count as he lost the sense of what he was doing. All he could see was red. His own hands. Howard’s face. The rage. All sounds became a faint buzzing around him as continued his merciless beating.
“Steve.”
It was barely audible. A strangled plea. But it was enough. It was Tony. His voice broke through the trance. His vision no longer tunneled as everything in his mind became focused on Tony. Steve’s hand stopped in mid-air, his teeth still bared. Howard continued to flail underneath him, desperately trying to use this moment to break free.
“It’s okay.”
Somehow that was all Steve needed. His chest was still heaving. His hair haphazard, clinging to the sweat on his forehead. His fist slowly lowered and his face stopped shaking as he could feel his anger simmering down. He stood up and didn’t bother to spare a glance at the pathetic shell of a man beneath him. All of his attention turned to Tony. Tony had somehow found the strength to stand up straight and Steve immediately took his hands in his.
“I’m so sorry. I should have been there. I should have asked more questions. I was so afraid of pushing too hard that I didn’t even press at all and allowed this to continue. You never deserved this. You deserved love that I should have shown you in better ways. And I am so sorry that you’ve had to see me this way. You probably think that I am a monster. I understand if you don’t trust me anymore. Just please know that I love you.” Tony was the one in pain, but Steve was the one who could feel the burn of tears.
“Hey hey hey. It’s okay. I trust you. You saved me. You saved me.” Tony clutched Steve’s face in his hands, forcing him to look into his deep, brown eyes.
Steve’s eyes made a promise to Tony that he vowed to never break for as long as Tony would have him: to never hurt him or let anybody else do so. Somehow even after everything Tony had been through, he believed Steve. He wholeheartedly believed him. Believed in him. Steve pressed his forehead against Tony’s and they became the only people in the world. They were both in a position neither even wanted to see each other in but still found that comfort in each other.
“We should leave,” Steve said with a newfound urgency. Tony grabbed his phone and wallet and slung an arm around Steve’s shoulders, allowing Steve to carry his weight. Every movement stung with Howard having attacked every part of him.
He stopped above Howard. Tony never thought he would ever see his father in such a vulnerable position. He had been completely knocked off the high horse he was always perched upon. And it felt good. He lost a fight. He could only manage to keep one eye open and the rest of his body was still lying in an uncomfortable position. He spat out blood and winced afterward clutching his ribs. He still managed to sneer at Tony in an attempt to intimidate him. Steve left them alone and Tony began laughing. A full guffaw.
“All those years of abuse, of pain, of sitting on the cold bathroom floor in the middle of the night with a knife pressed against my wrist. All those years of your constant berating and reminders that I was not good enough and that I actually deserved what you gave me every night. And well, I believed you. I stopped hating Mom for continuing to be a bystander and even began to believe that I should appreciate the lessons you were teaching me. That’s done now. I’m done. The part of my life that you hated the most saved me and now I can eradicate you from my life. You can’t hurt me anymore. You’ve always told me I was weak and you kept trying to instill that in me, to instill your convictions. But you made me stronger. I’m stronger because of you. I’m stronger because of Steve. I’m stronger.”
Tony whispered a cold goodbye, void of any remorse. He joined Steve by the staircase and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek.
Tony tasted freedom, something completely foreign to him. The shackles that he had worn ever since he could remember were finally gone. He wondered what it would feel like to never feel that aching pain in his body again. What it would feel like to fall asleep and wake up in peace and security, feeling loved. A future he had forbidden himself from wanting was finally within his reach. He felt as though he was walking on air. Or perhaps walking into the sunset with his knight in shining armor?
Whatever it was, this indescribable feeling, Tony knew it was good. And that was all that really mattered.