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Virgil was never one to open up to others so easily. But ever since Patton walked in on him chatting softly with his tarantula in his more… natural form, there had been another level of confidential trust in their friendship.
(It definitely helped that he only screamed a little bit, seeing his dark, strange, son being one with the spiders he feared so much)
So it’s what led them there, Virgil skittering along the walls in his room in flustered agitation as Patton swung back-and-forth on a web swing. That wasn’t the first time Patton found himself in that situation. Not that he minds at all; it made his heart squeal with joy knowing that Virgil trusts him, not to mention that Virgil’s crush was the cutest thing ever!
“And, and, he dabbed! But he somehow did it backwards and oh my god, he’s such a dweeb.” Virgil let his arms dangle down, looking at Patton helplessly from the ceiling. “I got it bad, don’t I?”
Patton chuckled and swung his legs about. “Oh I dunno, kiddo. I personally think this is pretty good!”
Virgil groans and drops down, landing on his bottom spindly legs. “Ugh, this is hopeless,” he gripes, “just look at me. He’s so cool and smart, and I’m a disaster on eight fricking legs.”
“Aw, Virgil, don’t say that!” Patton dangles down a bit from his swing, patting him supportively on the back. “Take it from me, even though I’m super scared right now, you’re still my best friend.”
Virgil sighs. Yeah, that helps a little.
“You’re a great guy, Patton,” Virgil murmurs. He hesitates for a moment before shifting back into his more humanoid form, ducking his head as he opens his arms for a hug.
Patton gasps and lights up like the sun, hopping off his swing to tackle Virgil into a hug.
—
Logan was never the type to engage it needless interaction. But ever since Patton locked him and Roman in the study until they stopped bickering, there has been… something between them. Neither would call it a ‘friendship,’ but it was definitely something like that. Friends that still bicker and snark to the point that no one is ever sure what’s going on.
(It definitely helped that Logan didn’t throttle Roman after he narrowly beat him in a heated game of Chess 2. If anything, it made Logan develop a newly-found sense of respect for Roman.)
It’s what led them there, back on either side of the battered old chess set, with Logan idly twirling a white bishop between his fingers while Roman listens to his raving. For someone so smart, Roman thinks, Logan is pretty clueless sometimes. It was kind of funny at first, but he’s starting to feel sorry for that nerd.
“I just don’t understand why it would cause palpitations,” he continues, “Sure, physical contact is proven to produce serotonin, but something as brief as hands brushing is not enough to count.”
“Maybe you have a crush on our friendly neighborhood Spider-Gay,” Roman murmurs, capturing a Pawn with Gun from Logan’s side. “Check.”
Logan frowns and grouses in frustration, quickly moving his Nonbinary Royalty out of harm’s way. “Don’t be ridiculous. Crushing someone may yield more physical contact, but the pain would cancel out any effects from the neurotransmitters it may otherwise produce.”
Roman stares at him, the light leaving his eyes. He takes a moment to let his soul return to his body before sighing deeply. Clueless. Clueless genius.
“Right. Of course. My mistake.” Roman grins, a little strained. He’s gonna need help with bringing those two together.
—
Patton sighs and plops down on the big chaise in Roman’s room, right beside where the prince is sitting looking absolutely bedraggled.
“Talked to Logan?” Patton asks.
“Mhm. Talked to Virgil?”
“Uh huh. How’d it go?”
Roman groans, long and loud, sinking deep into the cushions. That was, as the kids say, a big mood.
“I just don’t understand how someone can be so dense!” Roman throws his hands up, “They’re both clearly in love; how can neither of them see it?”
“Oh, you know how hard it is for them to admit that emotions exist, Roman,” Patton said, leaning his head against Roman’s shoulder. “Besides, remember how long it took for you to realize your crush—”
“Shhh, okay okay, you’ve made your point!” Roman huffs and rubs a hand over his reddened face before rising to his feet suddenly, “What we need is a plan. A plan truly befitting the name of the Kings of Hearts!”
Patton sits up and adjusts his glasses. “I thought you said we were the Smooches Squad?”
“We’ll workshop the name later!” Roman snaps his fingers and behind him pops up a whiteboard. He slaps his foam sword on the top of the board, where ‘OPERATION: GET THESE NERDS TO KISS’ are written in big, red letters in Roman’s looping script. “For now, we have two idiots to help.”
---
The first part of the plan is simple enough, and it is put to action on their next Disney movie night.
Logan frowns at his closet, staring at the empty gap where his precious unicorn onesie once sat. He knows for a fact that he hung it there right after his nap earlier that afternoon, unless he was mistaken. Which of course is impossible because he is never wrong. Conclusion: Patton had taken it to the dryer, something he often did to make them warmer for movie night.
He huffs softly and opts to slip his polo shirt on, deft fingers tying his tie as he makes his way to the living room. Strangely enough, the air feels a bit chilly. But perhaps it’s just because he’s accustomed to wearing his warmed-up onesie during movie night and didn’t realise that the living room was always this cold.
“Ah, Patton,” Logan pipes up, intercepting Patton as he entered wrapped up in his cat onesie. “Are the onesies done their round in the dryer?”
“You bet! They should be in the laundry basket.” Patton pauses to take a long sip of hot cocoa, “I thought you said they were too childish?”
“…The living room is cold. That is all. Excuse me—”
Logan steps aside and heads for the laundry room. Still no onesie.
“Patton, where is the unicorn?”
Patton looks up from his spot on the couch and shrugs. Logan frowns at that, taking another look at the basket. There’s Virgil’s skeleton onesie, and Roman’s Beast onesie. No unicorn.
Virgil pops his head in the laundry room, momentarily making Logan jolt.
“Sorry, L. Mind tossing me my thing?”
“Ah, yes. Of course.” Logan sighs softly and hands Virgil the skeleton onesie.
“Thanks.” Virgil slips it on and hums happily as the soft fabric warms him up. Once he opens his eyes again, he momentarily catches Logan turning away and back into the singular remaining onesie in the basket. “…Hey, you okay?”
Logan snaps out of his thoughts, shaking his head and offering a small smile. “Yes, um.. my onesie seems to have been misplaced. It’s fine, truly.”
“Oh, that sucks.” Virgil looks at Logan for a long moment, then coughs to break the silence. “Well, I’m gonna go. See you in the living room?”
Logan nods and watches as Virgil disappears past the doorway.
---
It’s definitely a lot colder than usual. Or again, maybe it’s just because he’s not swaddled in the fluffy embrace of his precious unicorn onesie. It might also have something to do with Patton and Roman off in the corner of the other couch, with Virgil on the same couch as Logan but further away. After all, closer proximity induces more production of body heat. Logan tries to ignore the soft ache in his chest as he takes a long sip of his iced coffee. He should really stop drinking it.
Virgil, on the other hand, has been casting glances towards Logan since they got settled down. The other two haven’t noticed, but Logan looks a little miserable as he tries to draw his legs up closer to his body, proper posture be damned. He seems pretty upset that he couldn’t find his onesie, and Virgil doesn’t blame him. He remembers those days where he couldn’t find his hoodie and just how snappy he got with the others until it turned up again. It probably doesn’t help that it’s colder than his soul in the living room.
Logan blinks as he feels the couch shift, watching as Virgil crawls over the top of the backrest and disappear somewhere, ignoring the soft ‘ooh, harder!’ as he accidentally steps on Remus. His confusion only grows with the heat blossoming in his body as Virgil reappears with his patchwork hoodie, draping it over Logan’s shoulders and returning to his seat without a word.
Virgil watches from the corner of his eye as Logan almost carefully wraps it tighter around him, and the barely-there smile that tugs at the corner of his lips. He clears his throat and looks back at the screen, ignoring the gross, sappy thoughts that seem to have suddenly plagued his mind.
And unbeknownst to either of them, Roman and Patton discreetly fist-bump under their shared blanket.
--
The second part is also simple enough. In theory. And it’s put into action during an excursion into the dense forest of Roman’s kingdom. They have decided to meet in a clearing, where Roman was apparently already waiting.
“Why am I here again?” Virgil grumbles, huddled up inside his hoodie-turned-cloak. He’s thankful that Logan gave it back before they left; he’s already nervous about the trip enough with it on.
“In my understanding, Roman wanted a ‘bonding experience.’ Although, I am skeptical that this is your ‘scene’ Virgil.”
“Yeah, no kidding.” A sudden noise to his left has Virgil jumping back, fangs bared in a startled hiss.
Before Virgil could fight or run off, Logan gently places a hand over his arm and places a finger to his lips, nodding towards the rustling foliage. A moment later, a jackalope sticks its head out, along with three of its children. Both sides watch quietly as the little family cross the path and into the other side of trees.
Virgil breathes out an incredulous laugh and sags a little, leaning against Logan. “That’s a lot cuter than what I’m used to.”
“Ah, I suppose you are accustomed to Remus’s nightmare creatures.” Logan smiles and gently coaxes him back into the path, keeping Virgil close. “Worry not. Nothing in here is particularly malicious. Even the manticore-chimeras seem to only want to fight if Roman’s particularly itching for a spar.”
Virgil swallows and looks down as they walk. “Yeah.. So how did, um, that happen, anyways?”
“Well, I’d imagine that a manticore and a chimera loved each other very much, and--”
“Not that!” Virgil hisses, giving Logan a light punch on the arm. “I meant.. You and Roman. How did that happen?”
Logan hums to himself and thinks for a long moment. It’s true that Roman and Logan clash pretty often. But they’re pretty close friends. Perhaps not as close as Roman and Patton seem to be, but he digresses.
“Someone has to keep that fanciful fool in line. And as much as he is loud and boorish, he does have his moments. I greatly appreciate his company.”
“Oh..” Virgil nods and swallows the lump in his throat. So he’s right about his assumptions. He guesses that if anyone were to get anyone as amazing as Logan, it would have been the literal epitome of romance. “That’s good. Glad you two are happy.”
Logan gives him a strange look, before looking back at the path ahead. “Indeed.”
Unbeknownst to them, in the distance, Roman is face-palming so hard that he falls out of a tree.
---
“It was going so well!! They were holding hands and everything!!” Roman wails in despair, flopping down on his bed and knocking Patton to his side in the process. “What on earth was Virgil thinking? Of course Logan would see that as platonic!!”
“Aw, well, there’s still hope!” Patton rolls over to where Roman is yelling into a pillow. “C’mon, slugger. What’s the third part of that super cool plan?”
Roman is silent for a long moment, then he turns his head and gives Patton puppy-eyes. “Do you really think it’s super cool?”
“Of course I do.”
“...Am I super cool?”
Patton chuckles and gives Roman’s hair a good fluffing. “You’re super cool too.”
That seems to cheer him up a bit. Roman sits up and smooths his hair back down. “Okay, there’s one more thing we can do. But for this,” his eyes hardened to near steel, “We’ll need a bit of help from them.”
---
“This will totally work.” Deceit deadpans, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “There is definitely nothing that can possibly go wrong with this plan.”
“You’re right and you should say it!” Remus crows as he flops a very unconscious Logan onto the cot. “Who knew this dork slept so deeply!”
Deceit ignores how Remus kicks his morning star out of the way and just rubs his gloved hands over his face. Even though they didn’t really exist, Deceit can still feel his lifespan shortening. Even more so when Remus cackles and starts placing some of his pet bone rats on top of Logan’s sleeping form.
“Put those away, you sentient compost bin!” Deceit hissed.
“But how else are they gonna get skin?”
“Not like that--”
As the two quabble amongst themselves, Logan sighs and sits up. He summons a pair of glasses to his face and wills the bump on his head away. It takes him a second to process his surroundings, then the two sides, then the bone rats gnawing on his clothes. He frowns and nudges them off. It’s too early for all this.
“Alright, what’s all this then?” He’s almost afraid to ask.
The sudden voice snaps both of them out of it, and they turn to see the very cranky logical side very much awake on the cot. Remus is the first one to jump into action.
“Aha! You have fallen into our trap!” Remus exclaims, “No one can save you now!”
Logan blinks, still sleepy but incredulous. “I’m meant to cook breakfast today. Did you really have to kidnap me now?”
Logan is still unamused. “What is this all about?”
“We’re going to photograph you naked and leave you tied up for the rats!!”
“That’s from Heathers, try again.”
Deceit shoves Remus aside and clears his throat. “You will be serving as bait today.”
“Bait,” Logan says, “For what, exactly?”
Deceit smiles, fangs bared. “For a very special meal.”
---
Virgil frowns as he looks at the empty coffee pot. Logan always gets up early to set the coffee machine for everyone. Ever since they were old enough to need coffee to function, Logan has never skipped that part of his morning routine.
He puts his mug down and heads up to a familiar door, engraved with Logan’s insignia. His knocking seems to echo, as did the ominous creak when his knocking causes the door to swing open. The room is empty, bed still unmade, with Logan’s tie lying on top of the rumpled sheets. Virgil frowns and picks up the card lying on top of it, all four eyes suddenly wide and enranged.
The black card flutters to the ground, snake-side up, as the skittering of six spindly legs advanced towards the hall of the dark sides.
---
"He's coming~!" Remus sing-songs, prancing back into the room with unrestrained glee. "Oh, it's been forever since we had Virgil over for brunch. It'll be just like old times!"
"Too bad he's not here for us," Deceit runs his knife across a whetstone. "Hopefully he kept the key to the place."
The door skids across the floor, splintered into two pieces.
"...Nevermind."
"Virgie, you're just in time!" Remus claps, hopping over the debris. "Oh goodness, are you really gonna be wearing that? You'll scare the guests--"
A string of web wraps around Remus and he's hoisted up in the air, coming face-to-face with Virgil's mandibles dripping venom. "Where's Logan!?"
"Ooh, bondage on the first date? Didn't know you were so spicy like that, Virgil~" Remus coos, eyebrows waggling. "Logan's a lucky guy."
Deceit sighs and puts his knife down, not even flinching as he's also wrapped up and tossed in the air. He really should have expected that this would happen. Now he would have to replace the door again.
"Virgil?"
All three look over to the entryway leading to the dining room. Logan, slightly ruffled but unharmed, stares at the scene with wide eyes. Suddenly, Deceit and Remus are dropped to the ground in a heap and Virgil is running towards Logan, looking more human with every step until he has his arms wrapped around him in a tight hug.
"Hello to you as well," Logan murmurs, returning the embrace albeit hesitantly. "What is all the fuss?"
Virgil looks up and furrows his eyebrows, nodding towards the two bound sides on the floor. "Didn't these clowns kidnap you?"
Logan is silent for a moment, then he takes Virgil by the hand and leads him into the dining room. Upon the table, an entire brunch spread is laid out, along with the plate settings for two people. Virgil stares, taking a while to process the juxtaposition between his expectations and the reality.
"I do admit that it was a.. strange invitation. But I figured you lot just had a knack for the dramatics." Logan huffs out a short laugh. "Apparently, this is a date. For the both of us."
Again, Virgil needs a second to process that. "A date? But you and Roman are together."
"Me and Roman?" Logan repeats, incredulous, "Goodness, no. We are friends, sure. But I would not say that it was a romantic attraction."
"Oh.." Virgil looks at the table, his face slowly paling in horror. "Crap, you saw me like that. You probably think I'm a freak or something, and now you won't want to hang out with me-"
"Virgil!" Logan says firmly, giving his hand a squeeze. "Focus on my voice, follow my breathing."
Virgil stares at Logan and tries to follow his exaggerated breaths, and soon the tension drains from his body before it crested too high. Logan gently coaxes him into one of the chairs and pours him a glass of water, sitting across from him without letting go of his hand.
"While I do admit that your.. alternate form was startling, I do not think you are a freak, as you say.” Logan looks down and blushes. “To me, you are still the same side that has induced strange and new feelings.”
Virgil looks up, eyes wide. “Feelings?”
Logan clears his throat and stands, his face a healthy shade of red. “We can discuss it over brunch.”
--
Bonus
“Did it work?”
Deceit brushes the leftover web from his cloak and scowls, even more so when Remus eats it off the ground like the nasty rat that he is. He points his gloved finger at the two right-brain sides. “You two owe me a boon after that,” he hisses.
Patton and Roman look at each other for a moment, then back at the other two with sheepish smiles.
“How about some flapjacks and we’ll call it even?” Patton offers.
Deceit stares for a long moment.
“…Make it waffles and I’ll think about it.”
In the end, none of them were ever sure if those two nerds kissed that day. But Logan and Virgil definitely kissed a lot after that.