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“Goddammit!”
Jerry paced around the kitchen, his shivering hand vibrating his coffee mug. He briefly looked over at Chad, Mickey and Doug before marching into the living room.
“Goddammit!”
Chad slurped his tea, unfazed unlike the others. “Geez, I haven’t seen anyone this mad since you when she took the kids, Doug.”
“What? No, I wasn’t upset,” retorted the elder Linus brother. “I wasn’t upset! Okay?! I wasn’t upset!”
Mickey grabbed Doug’s shoulder. “Alright, alright! We get the idea, homes. Chill... I only got enough energy this mornin’ to deal with one basket case poppin’ off-- Hey, hey, hey! Watch the mothafuckin’ carpet!”
Jerry sped past the trio and towards the balcony for one final, primal yell. “Goddam-- Achoo! Ow! Shit!”
Q.T. slunk into the kitchen, grumbling as he rubbed his eyes. “What’s wrong with you people? It’s ten in the morning... I still have about nine hours of sleep to go.”
“Do you want the short story or the long story?” asked Chad, watching Jerry clutch his hand outside.
The youth slumped onto the table with a groan. “Answers. Just answers.”
Chad crossed his legs, resting his chin on his hand. “Okay. Well, I’m gonna guess that while Jerry was having a mini rampage about Erin and ended up on the balcony, he sneezed because it’s pretty cold outside. See, that’s why I’m drinking tea today instead of fruit punch. Then, I didn’t see this, so I’m not sure, but I’m gonna bet that Jerry spilled his coffee on his hand or his chest or his crotch or--”
“Okay, okay, go back to the part about Erin. Why’s he upset about her this time?”
As if on cue, Jerry stomped back inside. “I can’t believe Erin’s a freaking lesbian now! What the hell is wrong with her?!”
His friends let out a collective, oddly harmonious “Ohhh” with different facial expressions. Mickey raised his eyebrows with a smirk while Doug cringed with every bone in his body. Chad’s face suddenly turned grim as he turned his attention back to his hot drink.
Q.T. chuckled, the gravity of the situation seemingly lost on him. “That’s hot. Not her, I mean the whole lesbian thing. I mean, I guess it makes her kinda hot now--”
“That’s enough, Q.T.,” warned Jerry. He glanced at Chad for a moment before going back on his tirade. “I don’t get it! Is this her fault? My fault? I just-- What makes her think this is okay, huh?”
Doug sighed. “I don’t know, Jer. Sometimes, women can be spiteful like that. Either that or lust, I don’t know what drives them to play for the other team. All I know is that they have to be with men to be truly happy.”
An awkward silence forced itself into the kitchen.
Q.T. shuffled his feet. “I, um... I don’t want us to have this conversation right now, okay? I think Mickey and I are just gonna go to my room and play some--”
“No. Both of you are staying here. That goes for you two, too.” Chad laughed softly for a moment at his unintentional homophones before finally looking up at the other four; they all stood dumbfounded.
“Chad, I...” Doug hesitated. “Look, I’ve always been supportive of you. I want to keep doing that, but this... I’m going to have to disagree with you on this.”
Chad continued to stir his tea, his stare unwavering.
“I-I hope you understand, little buddy. I’m an older guy and all and--”
“Whatever. Look, just because you’re my brother doesn’t mean that we have to think the same way. I just think you’re horribly wrong and you need to be more open-minded. That’s all.”
The silence returned, persisting as Chad walked to the balcony to pick up the mug that Jerry had dropped earlier. Fortunately, Jerry seemed to know that he trembled easily when consuming caffeine, so the mug he bought was made of a stronger material than usual. In fact, he had begun to tremble again as soon as Chad dropped his dumb blond act.
Jerry gingerly stepped up to him just as the wind outside picked up its pace. That along with the way Chad looked nearly made his heart stop. The grey sky was the perfect backdrop for his friend’s large baby blues, unusually but understandably narrower at that moment. It was obvious that he was hurt. Not feigning hurt as he tended to do during the group’s usual squabbles, but actual pain and betrayal.
Chad looked strangely gorgeous like this. Jerry cursed himself for wanting to hurt his feelings again, if only to further lock in that seductively heartbreaking expression within his memory.
“Chad, I’m not... I didn’t mean to... I’m so sorry, I just... Look, can I make it up to you by beating myself up right now?”
“Please, just shut up, okay? Listening to me should be enough for now,” yelled Chad.
The brunet gulped, anxious to hear what his reticent companion had to say. He shut the glass door behind him and approached Chad.
“I know you’re not homophobic on purpose, Jerry. I get it. I know that who you are and how you act are two different sides of you.”
“How I act is a mask, remember? It’s not the real me.”
“But it’s still a part of you and that’s starting to bleed into your true self. It’s hurting you, me and the guys. It’s... It’s hurting me a lot, actually.”
Jerry kept his word, letting Chad take a deep breath before continuing to speak.
“I hope you know that not everything Erin does has to be because of you. She’s just as independent as any of us here. She has her own dreams and desires. All of that can change when we don’t see it coming. That’s why it’s important for us to be alone sometimes.” Chad gently held Jerry’s arm. “Deep inside, our true selves are always fighting to change and break free... You just have to take the time to listen to your heart and accept what it wants.”
Tears pricked his eyes, but he fought as hard as he could to keep his composure. “I don’t know what your heart wants, Jerry, but I do know two things. You need to let Erin live her life in peace and you especially need to know who you really are.”
“Embarrassingly ignorant? Yeah, I figured.”
Chad shook his head, his eyes suddenly lighting up in determination. “Speaking of...”
He grabbed the resident heartthrob and dragged him back inside the penthouse, marching in long strides. With as much finesse as he’d have performing a dance routine, he slammed Jerry’s empty coffee mug on the table, downed the rest of his tea in one gulp, pushed Jerry against said table and grabbed his hair with one hand, using his other hand to support himself on the poor overworked piece of furniture.
“Oh, damn! Mickey P thinks he smells a first-degree murder in progress,” the rap fanboy snickered, nudging Q.T.’s shoulder and grinning at him in the process. He was immediately proven wrong once he heard a muffled squeak. Looking back at what he hoped would be a press-worthy brawl, he soon found himself shouting in unison with Doug.
Jerry found himself unable to close his eyes as Chad kissed him and held him in place with a stable fist in his hair. It was rough but passionate, even though he wasn’t using his tongue. In spite of this, he could faintly taste chamomile on the tip of his friend’s tongue, its gentle scent lingering in his head.
The sheer intensity of the unexpected experience took his mind for a spin and rocked his world; hell, his world right there only seemed to consist of himself and Chad. It soon became the floor he fell on face first.
Chad’s focus shifted from a breathless Jerry at his feet to the three guys he sought to shock with his own style of social sensitivity awareness; Doug was almost hyperventilating, Q.T.’s nose was gushing blood and Mickey was absentmindedly examining his young friend’s mess.
He clapped once to regain the group’s attention, a smug smile on his face. “Alright, everyone! What did we learn today?” Strolling around the table, he briefly intruded his indirect targets’ personal space by staring into their souls before going back on his merry way. “Well?”
“It’s... Oh, man... I-It’s okay to be a queer?” Q.T. smiled awkwardly before throwing up a cocktail of bodily fluids on himself. His unconscious body landed right next to Jerry, who still could not find the strength to get up.
“Holy shit, Q.T.!” Mickey snapped out of his confusion as soon as his nose started to burn.
“Not the word I would have used, but yeah! A plus for effort, Q.T. It’s okay to be gay! Or a lesbian. Or bisexual. Anyone, really! You can feel any way you believe you feel in your body and soul and you can love whoever your heart wants to love!”
Doug pinched his nose. “Um, Chadwin?”
“Hey, do you think it’s fine if we took the word ‘queer’ back? I think it’d be a lot easier if we called ourselves that without it being a bad thing. You know, really capture every itty bitty part of the rainbow.”
“Guys?” Jerry moaned nervously. “What’s that smell?”
Chad crouched next to him. “Jerry, please, I’m trying to teach you all a lesson about— Oh my god! Q.T.! Jeez, I must have shocked him by opening his third eye to the nuances of twenty-first century society…”
Jerry finally got up with a smaller nosebleed of his own. “No, Chad. Nice try, but I think it’s because you kissed me right out of the freaking blue!”
“Well, maybe he might be into more than female same-sex relationships.”
The brunet swore that he saw Chad wink at him before pretending like he had no idea what he just did for the past few minutes.
“Mickey said that Q.T.’s gonna be fine,” sighed Doug in relief after putting the phone back in its receiver. “That kid’s a real cat, I tell you. Nine lives and nothing to lose!”
Jerry laughed before wincing from the pain of his broken nose. “Scares like one, too.”
“Great, now I’m hungry for a KitKat,” joked Chad.
Doug glanced at his little brother before quietly heading to his bedroom, leaving him alone with Jerry in the living room. Chad had his head bowed as he sat on the floor.
“I really fucked up earlier, Chad. I didn’t know you were… Gay? Bi?”
“I’m not too sure yet. All I know is that I’m attracted to guys and I think, think I still like girls. Then again, there’s a lot to love about girls, right? They’re great! I like them! I--”
Jerry cupped Chad’s cheek. “You’re rambling again… Breathe. It’s okay.” He pulled him close when he noticed that he had started to cry. Chad leaned against Jerry’s chest as he felt his thumb wiping his tears away. The ensuing kiss on his forehead only made him sob when it was instead meant to soothe him. He instead immersed himself in Jerry’s touch and the sound of his pounding heartbeat.
Chad found the courage to look Jerry in the eyes through his blurry vision. “I love you so much.”
“I know, I know…” To Jerry’s own surprise, he moved his hands to Chad’s shoulders and kissed his lips. He caressed his back, embraced him and kissed him over and over again as if they were really lovers and not two emotional wrecks seeking solace in a familiar, warm body. At least, that’s how he tried to rationalize his growing feelings for that crazy Linus boy.
The two broke the kiss after a few minutes, panting. However, their faces remained mere inches away from each other.
“Do you love me or not, Jerry?”
“I think I do. No… No, I know I do. I’m just not being honest with myself.”
Chad smiled. “I can tell. I could hear it in your heart.”
Jerry's mouth was slightly agape, his cheeks flushing with blood. “You suck! That was so corny,” yelled Jerry, laughing and playfully jabbing his not quite friendzoned friend in the shoulder.
“I could definitely go for some popcorn.”
Jerry gave Chad a puzzled look. “You…? Goddamn. You’re a man of mystery, Chad Linus.”
“Funny you say that, my dear Gerald!” Chad cleared his throat after his bastardization of an English accent. “They’re playing the first Austin Powers movie on TV later tonight. You know, hence the popcorn. You’ll watch it with me, right?”
“I don’t know, Chad… I haven’t gotten the chance to work out today. I’m trying to watch what I eat, spend my time right, sleep better, get my self-esteem in check, keep my voice in top shape—”
Chad squeezed his buddy’s cheeks. “Now you’re rambling again… Again. You ramble a lot. You keep drinking coffee! Go for tea instead! You’ll feel way better.”
“Can I drink it from your mouth?” Jerry gave a flustered Chad his priceless heartthrob grin.
Chad stuck his tongue out. “Gross! But, um… I think I like the sound of that.” He then grinned right back at him. “Anyway, today’s your cheat day with me. We’re having nothing but fun today, my friend! Wait. Friend or boyfriend?”
Jerry pretended to be deep in thought. “Hmm… Is this really just another fling?”
“Jerry!”
“No, of course not! I’m just messing with you. I’m… I’m your boyfriend. Damn, I can’t believe I just said that. What does that make me now? Gay or bi?” He was almost immediately tackled into a hug by his lover.
“That makes you my boyfriend. You’ll figure out the rest later, okay?” Chad pecked Jerry on the cheek. “Come on, let’s get that corn popping… Wait a minute. I forgot something. Your nose still hurts, right?”
“It’s broken, yeah. Why?”
Chad diabolically giggled. “Guess who bought some SpongeBob Band-Aids last week?”
Defeated, Jerry dramatically fell to his knees. “Noooooo!” He was delighted to see that his pop culture reference made Chad laugh. It brought a fuzzy feeling to his stomach.
“You’re a pretty good Vader! Well, he’s pretty bad, but it’s okay if it’s you. Now… Come with me to the bathroom so I can welcome you to your doom, Jerry O’Keefe!”
Chad chased Jerry down the hall leading to the bathroom. “You’re gonna make cute cartoon bandages trendy to the youth of America whether you like it or not!”
Neither of them ever noticed that Doug had never gone back to his bedroom all along. Exhaling with a broad smile, he was happy for his brother. It would take him a while to fully accept him, but he was relieved that Chad was in good hands. Good hands belonging to an obnoxiously handsome man, but good hands nonetheless.