Work Text:
Everybody has secrets
Some people have big ones that can be world changing. Some have little harmless ones.
And some have secrets that aren’t secrets exactly, just something that’s never come up before.
Buck has one of those.
It’s just a small little thing. Something he doesn’t even think about anymore, not since he was a teenager, since Maddie married Doug (may he not rest in peace).
It just comes out one day in May, sitting at the Diaz kitchen table, checking Christopher’s homework while he draws and colors something next to him.
“This looks like A plus work to me, buddy. Good job!” Buck grins at the boy, making a mental note to have Carla or Eddie double check for him. He will never understand common core math. Ever. Christopher grins up at him before reaching for the purple crayon.
“What are we drawing? Your dad won’t be back for at least another hour. He’s picking up pizza for us on the way.” Buck sets the math homework aside for Eddie and reaches for the paper Chris just finished folding.
“Mrs. Piper said to make Mother’s Day cards cause tomorrow’s Mother’s Day,” he said quietly. Some of his brightness dimming. “But I told her my mommy is in heaven, but she said I can still make her one, cause she’s watching me from up there, so she’ll know.”
Chris never mentions Shannon much anymore. Though Buck hears him say goodnight to her whenever he helps Eddie put him to bed. “She will absolutely know you made her an amazing card for Mother’s Day!”
Buck looks at the paper in front of Christopher now, and back at the folded card in his hand. “So, who is the other one for?”
Christopher’s smile brightens again. “Abuela! Mrs. Piper said I can make one for her too.”
There’s still more paper on the table, surrounded by a sea of crayons and markers and Buck is vividly reminded of being Chris’s age. Of sitting at a table just like this, making his own Mother’s Day card. It’s been nearly 13 years, maybe more, since he made, or even bought, a Mother’s Day card.
He reaches for a piece of paper and the blue crayon. Blue was always her favorite color.
“Do you want to know a secret, Chris?” He asks as he carefully starts to draw.
The boy’s replay is nearly instant, complete with an excited nod.
“Every Mother’s Day I used to make Maddie a card.” His voice is fond, maybe a little bittersweet.
“What about your mom?” Chris asks, picking up the yellow to make a sun.
“My mom, she… Maddie was like my mom. Did you know she basically raised me? Our mom wasn’t around very much, neither was our dad. Maddie did all the things moms do. She even went to all my schools to meet with my teachers when I was a kid.” Buck exchanges his blue crayon for a red one. He does his best to draw a firetruck, but he was never good with drawing.
“Are you making her a card?” Chris asks, folding his finished card and setting it on top of the one for his mom.
“Yeah. I haven’t made her one in a long time. I think it’s about time I started doing it again.”
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Later, after the cards are done and they’re getting out the plates for the pizza, and Christopher is talking animatedly about what he learned in school, Buck has a moment where he wonders if this is how Maddie felt, taking care of him. Full of pride, love, and a subconscious worry of what if he’s screwing something up that vanishes as soon as that kid smiles at him cause how could someone turn out so good if he was doing something wrong?
He assumed, for a while, that he was burden for her. Making her grow up too fast and that’s why she married Doug so soon after they started dating. He knows better, of course. Maddie never showed him anything but love.
Just like how he loves Christopher. How he makes sure he never has plans at night so he can be available to watch him, or to just hang out with him and Eddie. That’s all he remembers about growing up with Maddie. She was always there for him. Always. She made his lunches, taught him to ride a bike. Drove him to his first elementary school dance. Took him for ice cream after his first heartbreak…
Buck fingers the card he’d folded up and put in his pocket. “Hey buddy, I need to make a phone call. How about you watch some tv until your dad gets home with the pizza?” He waits for Chris to get settled and pulls his phone out, sitting back down at the kitchen table.
“Maddie, hi. What are you doing for lunch tomorrow?”