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It started simple. Jaemin thinks it's weird for something that feels so big had started so easily—a smile, a morning greeting, a name being called off handedly, a simple acknowledgement. And Jaemin is whipped. Well that's nothing new there. He has been head over heels for Lee Donghyuck for an awful lot of time. It's kinda embarrassing.
Jaemin first knew Donghyuck through his advance dance classes. It was in his third semester and his heart had selfishly chosen a person to settle. The way his stomach filled with tingling feelings when he witnessed the almost shy gorgeous boy introducing himself in front of the dance studio had been a huge giveaway. The afternoon sun had then decided to shine upon the boy from the glass window and highlighted the natural glow and pink hue on the sun kissed skin. Jaemin knew he was a goner from the start.
But Donghyuck has always been far—even then, even now. He's not like Jung Jaehyun, who was Jaemin's first senior crush in college, far far . Donghyuck is far enough that Jaemin never has the courage to do something about his growing infatuation. A week after the class introduction, Jaemin realized how far from the truth he was in judging Donghyuck. He's never been shy at all. His presence is horribly loud. He's awfully witty and sassy, even to the point of borderline mean. He's the kind of boy that Jaemin's mother would look at warily, but dear God, is he handsome. No, handsome couldn't even start to describe Donghyuck.
Donghyuck is, for lack of better terms, mesmerizingly radiant.
And Jaemin, oh poor Jaemin, was not— is not —strong enough to resist the spell behind Donghyuck's charm. After all, he's just a mere mortal at the mercy of the sun.
Perhaps enchanted would be a better term for Jaemin's state.
But, as always, chasing for requited love has always proven to be futile, so Jaemin decided to drown himself within the cavity of his heart. It's lonely and Jeno always calls him stupid. Although, he only says that because his sudden drunk confession to Mark Lee, the golden boy of the music department, was successful, so Jaemin always refuses to validate Jeno's opinion.
After all, Jaemin had managed to stay afloat in the pool of his feelings for a year and a half. He can afford another semester drowning in his hidden admiration before he graduates. Staring at Donghyuck at the dance club and also their shared classes is always enough for Jaemin to move forward with his day.
Admittedly, it's a bit creepy, but no one has noticed his stolen glances or no one has called him out yet, so he figured he's been subtle enough.
Well, Jaemin's love life has been peaceful so far. That is until the object of his long term infatuation decided to acknowledge his existence and greet him good morning.
Jaemin was just walking to the direction of his 8 a.m. class with a laptop in his left arm and a tumbler of coffee in his right hand. For the record, he really should have paid more attention to his surroundings. Perhaps that way he'd be less surprised when he looked up and locked eyes with the Lee Donghyuck himself. Lee Donghyuck, who suddenly decided to dye his hair from the usual soft light brown to a very dark shade of brown—human natural shade of dark brown. Lee Donghyuck, who suddenly decided to keep Jaemin's eye contact with him. And in that split second, Jaemin knew he was doomed. His brain was too overwhelmed to produce a way to react to the situation— should he smile and walk away? That's polite enough, right? Or should he avert his eyes away and act like nothing happened? Well, nothing really happened Jaemin, it's just your crush of two years looking at you, get a grip! There are 1001 things that ran around his brain at the moment, and 0 things that would help him act normal towards his crush.
However, the next thing Jaemin knew, his mind was suddenly blank, replaced by the smile that bloomed on Donghyuck's face—first in his eyes and then his heart-shaped lips. Jaemin was not sure what would happen next, but a soft "Good morning, Jaemin," that reached his eardrums was most definitely not on his list of possible things which could happen.
Jaemin didn't dare open his mouth, lest he spilled stupid nonsense, or worse looked stupid with his mouth open without anything to say. His brain was reeling from how good Donghyuck looked today. He had looked much younger, despite Jaemin knowing they're exactly the same age. The dark locks giving him a softer, much more subtle glow than his usual blinding personality. Jaemin's heart was still beating so much faster even after a few beats had passed. The greeting is still running around his brain, accompanying him throughout his day and making him awfully giddy. He feels somewhat powerful, like tomorrow would come and he'd be ready to face it for once. He hates the way he couldn't stop feeling jittery for the rest of the day. He blames it on his absurd coffee intake, and scolds himself for the absurdly wide grin on his lips. It's sickening.
The next few days turn out to be worse of an emotional ride than what he has expected. What was once a passing greeting becomes a conscious act of acknowledging Jaemin in every corner of their college if they ever passed one another, even to the point of conversing with Jaemin in the classes that they share. Jaemin is baffled because none of the conversation really has substance or whatever, mainly about their assignments or about the dance club shenanigans—sometimes, for example this morning, Hyuck would ask him about the fucking weather. Imagine having a conversation about how heavy the rain was last night because your crush ask you about it. Imagine getting butterflies when your crush asks you about the weather? No matter how nice it feels to be noticed by Donghyuck, Jaemin can’t shake the feelings that it’s also fucking weird. He is sitting with Jeno at lunch, munching on his rice as he thinks.
“What has you thinking that hard, huh?” Jeno knocks the back of his chopsticks on Jaemin’s forehead gently. It doesn’t hurt, but Jaemin rubs the spot to Jeno’s humor.
“Nothing,” he shrugs. Truth to be told, Jaemin is scared to tell Jeno about his predicament because what if this is just him projecting his feelings into a friendly banter between acquaintances?
“Oh come on, Nana, you never think while you eat. You said it delays your body from absorbing the nutrients—which is not true, by the way. I’m the med student.”
Jaemin just rolls his eyes. “It’s a Donghyuck problem.”
Jeno’s eyes looks at him with unamused stare. “When has it been a not Donghyuck problem with you?”
Jaemin kicks his shin from under the table. “You’re the one who pries. I’m serious!”
“Okay, fine. What’s the deal with this life-long crush of yours now?”
“He has been talking with me. I mean, like, that must have sounded like a given since he has classes with me and also the dance club, but trust me when I say he’s never, ever conversed with me. I have my own circle, and he also has his; we just never crossed paths before you know? But he started talking to me, like really talking to me a week ago.” Jaemin emphasizes his words with his chopsticks, from which Jeno tries to inch away, afraid that the some of the rice would get splattered on his face.
“Okay, so? I don’t see the problem here? Your crush talks to you, finally, after six semesters of college, yay?”
“That’s exactly the problem, man. Why now? Why is he suddenly making an effort to talk to me now? Just this morning, he asked me about the weather! Who the fuck asks people about the weather anymore?! ”
Jeno just shrugs as he goes back to the chicken on his plate. “Your crush, apparently.”
“Yeah, but why? He’s making me anxious with all the spontaneity he’s throwing at me.” Jaemin tries again because Jeno is more experienced at this kind of thing than him.
“Well, I don’t really know what his intention with you is, nor does my experience in having a relationship help do anything with that.”
Jaemin sighs.
“But, I think you should just wait and see how it plays out. I believe his intentions will come out eventually, and whether it’s bad or good, I’ll be here to fight him or to congratulate him in making great decisions, such as finally taking you out on a date.”
Jaemin hates himself for not suppressing his smile well enough. “Oh shut up! You know that would never happen.”
“I mean I agree, but now he’s—you said and I quote—‘making an effort to talk to you.’ Anything could change without you knowing, Nana, just don’t think so hard about it.” Sometimes Jaemin is very grateful for Jeno’s existence in his life, especially in times like this. He’s the only one who can get him out of his own gutter.
“Okay, thank you.”
Jeno grins and quickly takes a piece of chicken from Jaemin’s plate, making the younger cry in protest. “Your payment for the sudden consoling hour.”
Jaemin just huffs in fond annoyance.
Small, insignificant conversations become longer conversations about each other. Polite nods in passing become familiar greeting smiles, even turning into grins sometimes when they found the other’s joke in class hilarious. It comes down to the day their performance study lecturer put them together in a project for their finals. Jaemin had been surprised when his name is called together with his long-life crush, but when he took a glance at Donghyuck, the smaller guy was already looking at him with a smile on his face. And Jaemin understands. He understands as he witnesses the way Hyuck’s smile transforms from something soft, and small, and filled with something happy into a more playful one when he registers that Jaemin’s looking at him.
Jaemin has a chance.
Actually, Jaemin has plenty of chances as the playful smile turns into a wide grin that matches Jaemin’s happy grin. He feels oddly giddy again. Jaemin makes space as Donghyuck easily gets up from his chair at the back of the class to where Jaemin is seated in the middle—blended and inconspicuous. It’s scarily easy—almost as easy as breathing, as easy as the first snow that falls to the earth, as if they’re puzzles that belong together, as easy as if it’s meant to be—the way Hyuck moves into Jaemin’s space. Jaemin is scared with how intense his feelings make themselves known as Donghyuck drops his bag on the floor and sits on the chair beside him. Jaemin is scared with how this doesn’t feel like an infatuation at all.
His heart clenches and the hands that are gripping the walls of his heart to stay afloat slip. He drowns further, further, further. There’s a bubbling panic that grows at the pit of his stomach, ready to consume his entire being whole.
“Hey, Jaeminnie,”
“Jaeminnie?” he asks, the grin never leaving his face.
“I hope that’s that okay?” There’s hesitation on Donghyuck’s eyes. He has a chance.
“Only if I can call you Hyuckie.” Jaemin stomps forward, squashing down the bubbling panic.
He has a chance.
The wide grin turns into a small shy smile, there’s red hue that adorns his cheeks, and the afternoon sun once again is reflected upon glowing sun kissed skin. Mesmerizingly radiant. Jaemin is reminded of the first day he saw Donghyuck.
“Be my guest,” Donghyuck grins—once again playful, and yet never less than genuine. “So may I ask for your number? You know, for project purposes.” Donghyuck shrugs nonchalantly, but his cheeks still blossoms in red.
Jaemin grins. “Be my guest. I’m gonna be waiting for your text, cutie.” He leans forward and winks playfully, while Hyuck laughs and pushes Jaemin’s out of his personal space.
Jaemin leans back again— too quick, slow down.
He drowns further and further . Perhaps he won’t be the only one who arrives at the bottom.
He has a chance.
And so he stops fighting, letting himself drowns further into the depth of his own heart.
+82-0606-2000
hi! this is donghyuck! :]
say, when are you free to discuss our project?
hi hyuckiee
how about tomorrow at lunch?
my friend abandons me for his boyfriend :<
Haechan ☀️
tomorrow it is!
can’t have you eating by urself ;)
see you, jaem!
see you! （＾ω＾）
The next day, Jaemin is surprised when he arrives at the lunch hall and finds Donghyuck already seated with a bunch of food in front of him. It’s a little too much for two people, but only enough to make them feel like they’re really full and not like gonna puke full.
“What are we celebrating again?” Jaemin asks in lieu of a greeting.
Hyuck shrugs. “Us, being friends? I don’t know, I’m feeling hungry and overly consumptive so I bought all of this for us.” He grins. “I don’t know what kind of food that you like though, so just choose from the pile.”
Jaemin isn’t sure whether to believe in Hyuck’s words as they sound very nonsensical, but Jaemin also hadn’t eaten since morning so he’s not complaining. He never has breakfast on Wednesday because the dance club practice starts at 6.30 until 9 a.m. and his first class starts at 9.30 a.m. He only has time for a second shower in the morning. Jaemin sees how Hyuck bought exactly two cups of coffee amongst the amount of food on the table. That’s intentional, he thinks while grinning and lunging for one of the cups.
“Thank you!” he sits, sipping on his coffee.
Donghyuck tuts. “You haven’t eaten anything since morning, you’re gonna ruin your stomach by drinking coffee.” There’s a stern tone underlying his voice, a tone he only tends to use as the dance club’s captain.
Jaemin smiles fondly. Donghyuck knows he hadn’t eaten anything and decided to buy him food. Jaemin makes a show of putting his coffee down and reaches for the first sandwich he sees.
“So, do we have a deadline for discussing the project? I don’t have any more classes after this until the dance club practice later.” Jaemin says after swallowing his bite of the sandwich—it's ham, his favorite.
“Not really. I don’t have a class today.”
“Lucky you, I had Mrs. Park this morning. Almost the entire class got scolded for not understanding a contemporary dance concept.”
Hyuck snickers.
Jaemin can only feel the warmth that’s blooming in his stomach. Donghyuck had agreed to come all the way to school when he has no class, bought Jaemin food and coffee because he knew Jaemin hadn’t eaten, and now he’s just sitting here in front of Jaemin while chatting and munching on food.
It feels nice. It feels grounding even, as if this whole time Jaemin had been hyper fixated on the Donghyuck that he admired from afar and now he has an invitation to know the real Donghyuck that is not distorted by his own feelings.
Donghyuck is real, and kind, and funny, and warm, and shy at times, and Jaemin is sitting in the first row to witness all of it. It feels like a privilege—like a fresh air after almost four semesters of being suffocated by his own repressed feelings—to know that his feelings are most probably reciprocated.
There’s always that nagging thought of what if , but Jaemin has decided to ignore that and enjoy what Donghyuck wants to give to him.
“You look so deliriously happy.” Jeno says from his chair beside Jaemin’s bed. “I don’t think you’re this sick, Nana, maybe we should visit the doctor?”
“It’s not—,” He’s cut off by the rattling cough that shakes his body. “It’s not me being sick, I just remembered something nice,” he finally manages to say.
“What is it?”
“Do you know that Donghyuck likes me back?” Jaemin can feel the loopy grin that blooms on his face without his permission. Yeah, perhaps he’s really sick because his face muscles feel numb.
“Okay, you’re that sick. I’m calling Mark to take us to the doctor.”
Jaemin grabs Jeno’s arm before he can moves from his place. “No…” he whines. “Donghyuck really does like me back, he said he wanted to take me out on a date once I’m healthy again.”
“What? Nana, you’re not making any sense.”
“I am, trust me!” he whines harder.
“Fine, fine. What did Hyuck say to you?”
“No, you have to know from the start! So remember when I told you about Hyuck talking to me?” Jeno nods, and Jaemin lets out a small cough. Jeno takes the damp towel on Jaemin’s forehead, rewets it, and puts it back on Jaemin. “Okay so, I thought that was weird right? But then it got weirder. Hyuck exchanged numbers with me, he bought me food, and he laughs at my jokes. Jeno, he’s soooo nice, you have no idea. He spent time talking with me through texts if we didn’t see each other on the day, and he sometimes flirts with me. Jeno, he’s so cute too, like he’ll get red if I flirt back with him. It feels like being in a courtship.” Jaemin giggles, high and airy. “It’s so weird because it’s funny to think that my crush would try to court me, but it also makes me warm to know someone care about me that much.”
“ God, you’re sick and whipped.” Jeno just laughs, to which Jaemin pouts.
“I’m serious! Just two days ago he suddenly came to me and gave me a bar of expensive chocolate. He said it’s for the great job at the dance competition, but I didn’t even do anything extraordinary. Yes, we won, but Hyuck made the choreography, it’s literally just him being talented and the rest of us being hardworking. When I asked Hyunjin if he got a chocolate bar too, he said no.”
“Okay, okay, let’s say he’s courting you. Now, where does this date come from?”
Jaemin grins again. “He came here today. He heard I was sick from Jisung, that dance prodigy kid, and said he came here to see me. He even brought me chicken soup.”
Jeno snickers at that. “He really is going big, huh?”
“Yeah, well, before going to dance practice, he said that I should get well soon, so that he can take me out on a date faster too. He had the audacity to cutely say that me being sick hindered his plan of wooing me. Like? I mean I get the hint that he’s courting me, but he doesn’t have to say it so directly like that? Does he think my heart can handle him being cute like that? No!”
Jeno is laughing properly by now. “Finally! Now I don’t have to hear your laments about your crush anymore, thank God.” Jaemin pouts again. Jeno just grins. “But I’m really happy for you. For the record, you have really looked happier these past few weeks. If only you had decided to just pursue the guy from the start instead of drowning in unrequited love like that, Nana, honestly.”
Jaemin lets out another set of coughs as an answer before abandoning Jeno to catch on his sleep. He dreams of sun-kissed skin and wide grins on heart shaped lips.
Jaemin gets better and Hyuck really takes him out on a date, albeit a few weeks after. A simple one in the gelato cafe near their college dorm. Hyuck had bought Jaemin an affogato while he enjoyed a vanilla gelato.
The final exams were just in the middle of wrapping up and the stress still needed to seep out from their system, so Hyuck thought ice cream and a date would be nice to destress. They had been chatting to their hearts’ content, about everything and anything, starting from college to the dance club business. Hyuck had arranged an end of the year showcase, which had tired Jaemin out but also excited him—especially when he got the chance to perform a collaborative dance with Hyuck. They had been working on two different choreographies with the same theme which would be performed together. Jaemin loved it.
Hyuck has looked absolutely amazing today and, honestly, Jaemin can’t take his eyes off of him. He has been charming for the entire hour they have been talking, pulling out all of his moves to make sure Jaemin has a good time. At first, Jaemin found it amusing, but right now, as he happily enjoy his gelato with his stance relaxed and eyes closed, Jaemin thinks he’s the most endearing. He has arrived at the bottom of the sea that is his feelings. All of the waiting and secret admiration has culminated into this. It feels nice to stop drowning, to just let go and embrace the feelings. Jaemin likes Donghyuck too deeply, and he’s ready to wait for the other to get to the same page as him.
“Hyuck-ah,” Jaemin calls him gently, eyes still absorbing the beauty that sits in front of him. Hyuck opens his eyes as he hums. “You know, whether this date is perfect or not, I’d still be here for the second, and the third, and the fourth, and for as many dates with you, if you ever want that. Don’t worry so much about that.”
Hyuck chuckles nervously, “What do you mean?”
“You have been absolutely perfect today, and you have been absolutely perfect for the past few months. But I want you to relax and enjoy our date too, instead of trying to charm me all the time. Trust me, I have been charmed by you for far too long, way before you knew me.” Jaemin smiles, and perhaps there’s a tinge of sadness in it but it’s mostly fondness.
“What do you mean? Jaemin, I have known you since like the first semester.” Hyuck blanches before sulkily saying, “Had been crushing on you since like a year ago, but you’d never seen me. Honestly, it’s a miracle that you actually saw me that day I greeted you first.”
Jaemin gaps at that. “Why didn’t you greet me earlier?”
Hyuck just shrugs. “You’re way out of my league.”
And Jaemin laughs at that.
“God, we’re both so stupid. Hyuckie, I’ve been infatuated with you since that first day I saw you in the dance club. I’ve been a goner ever since. I have been admiring you from afar for four semesters. God, I almost got a heart attack when you suddenly talked to me that one morning!”
Hyuck blanches before laughing as well. They are indeed idiots.
“We could have had this faster if one of us was braver,” Jaemin bravely says as he put his hand atop of Hyuck’s hand and interlaced their fingers. Hyuck looks really beautiful under the spring sun. “You look really beautiful today.”
Hyuck blushes really hard and Jaemin just giggles fondly.
“Shut up.”
“No, I’ll let out all the praises I’ve repressed for the past three years. I’ll praise you until the red is embedded on your cheeks.”
“You’re a menace!”
“So I’ve been told” Jaemin grins. Hyuck just rolls his eyes. “By the way, I won’t agree to be your boyfriend yet until you finished doing all of your courting plan. I know you have one, and I want to experience all of it.”
“That’s fine by me. The next plan on my how to woo Na Jaemin list is this.” Jaemin watches as Hyuck quickly stands up from his seat and leans forward into Jaemin’s space.
There’s a quick firm touch of lips on Jaemin’s cheek that Jaemin is sure will make his cheeks burst with red. There’s a smug glint to Hyuck’s lips, even though his fond eyes lie to no one. Jaemin feels the warmth bursting from his insides, seeping to all of his cells, making him vibrate in excitement.
Gathering all of his courage, he leans forward and steal a quick kiss from Hyuck’s lips. There’s a small sharp intake of breath and before Hyuck can do anything, Jaemin has already leaned back. Eyes to eyes, Jaemin puts a hand on Hyuck’s jaw.
“I like you, for too long, too much.”
“I’m here now, stop waiting. Let me do the rest.”