Work Text:
Dean was sick of sitting in the bunker, searching for cases and looking for any sign of Chuck. When Sam suggested that they clean and organize the place, he grumbled, but was secretly relieved to have a distraction. He'd had enough of being trapped in this small underground building with Cas. The tension was suffocating him. Cas’s refusal to look him in the eyes more than absolutely necessary was a constant reminder of how badly Dean had fucked up. He knew he wasn’t right to blame Cas for everything, that the way he treated him was a result of his unbridled anger at everything else that went wrong, but he couldn’t bring himself to fix it. He hated how hurt Cas clearly still felt, but Cas deserved better than him. Maybe after they had beaten Chuck, Cas would actually have a chance to be happy, to be away from people who only kept hurting him.
Sam insisted on organizing everything in a ridiculously detailed way, delegating Dean and Cas to go through boxes of different objects and ingredients from past hunts. Sam left Dean and Cas alone in a room together as he sat at the kitchen table, working the kinks out of his organizational system. Dean tried to ignore the unrelenting tension in the room and focused on sifting through the contents of his box. He came across the glasses burned by holy oil that allowed him to see hell hounds. Just for fun, he put his pair on. He glanced back at Cas, and froze.
He could see Cas’s wings.
Or rather, he could see what was left of his wings. They were burnt, leaving only a charred bone structure. The sight was shocking and horrifying, leaving Dean breathless, his heart pounding.
“Cas…” he whispered. Cas stopped what he was doing, but didn’t turn around or respond. Dean slowly started walking toward the angel, staring at the broken wings, barely breathing. He reached out and touched one. Cas immediately tensed up.
“Dean, what are you doing?” Dean didn’t answer, but gently stroked the wing, sending a shudder through the angel’s body. Cas hesitantly turned around, and when he saw the glasses, realization dawned on his face, quickly replaced by emotions that Dean couldn’t quite identify. Sadness? Shame?
Softly, Dean whispered, “Cas, I didn’t know. I mean, I knew they were broken, but I didn’t know they looked like this. Do they hurt?”
Refusing to meet his eyes, Cas stared at the ground, taking a moment before quietly answering, “Yes.”
“Why haven’t you ever said anything?” Dean asked incredulously.
“It wouldn’t have helped. They’re gone and there’s nothing that can be done.” Dean could hear the brokenness in Cas’s voice, and felt the walls that he tried so hard to keep up start to crash down. Despite the distance between them, he wanted nothing more than to soothe the broken angel. Guilt began to overwhelm Dean yet again as he stared at his former best friend’s downcast eyes. Cas had been through more than anyone should ever have to, and lost everything, and Dean was to blame for it. His thoughts and emotions started spiraling downward, until they were interrupted by a low, rough voice.
“Dean, I…miss them.” Cas’s eyes were wet with unshed tears as he admitted this, still staring at the ground. Dean’s heart just shattered, and without even thinking, he stepped up and wrapped him in a tight hug. Cas froze in shock, but after a few moments, he melted into Dean, grasping him tightly. They stood there for a few minutes, just reveling in the intimacy that had been gone for so long. Dean was surprised to find tears running down his own face, as he held the angel he loved close. His breath caught at that thought. He had known for years that he loved Cas, but he always kept it buried deep, thinking Cas deserved someone better than him. He never let himself entertain the thought of being together, which is why he tended to push Cas away rather than attempt to fix things. They had always had a profound bond, as Cas had put it, but he was afraid of what might come out of it. He could never be good enough for Cas.
These fears slowly faded as Cas continued to hold him tight. The thought occurred to Dean that he was witnessing the angel at his most vulnerable. Despite previously being the closest friend Cas had ever had, Dean had no idea that he was in constant pain because of his lost wings, both physically and emotionally. What really got to him though was the realization that despite the broken state of their relationship, Cas was letting Dean comfort him. This awoke the protective feelings that arose whenever someone he loved was in danger or pain. He suddenly felt resolved to fix what was wrong between them, to give any kind of help or support he could to Cas. It didn’t matter anymore that Dean was unworthy; Cas had deemed him worthy. As if he heard his thoughts, Cas’s charred wings moved to surround Dean, enveloping him more fully. Dean had never felt more loved, more accepted, more needed. He finally let the rest of his wall crumble to pieces.
“I’m sorry. I am so, so sorry, Cas,” he whispered hoarsely into his ear.
Cas pulled back, only far enough to look into his eyes. “Dean, all is forgiven.”