Chapter Text
It started with Skate 3. Just hanging out on the living room couch, each of them trying to take up as much space as possible and push the other off as they spent their morning eating junk, playing video games, and insulting each other as much as possible.. Normal shit. That’s probably why it escalated so quickly.
Leaning hard to the left as he clutched the controller, Mista could feel his knuckles turning white as he desperately smashed buttons to try and glitch the game out as much as possible. He and Narancia had been doing everything they could in order to fuck with the system, jumping off insanely high buildings, running into bike racks, pushing people over and trying to run without the skateboard for as long as possible before they hit a wall. Safe to say, it had been a fantastic Saturday morning.
Taking a quick breather from all the tomfoolery they’d been having, Mista tried to do a basic kickflip, as the Lord intended for this game. Carefully pressing the buttons in their correct order, he was pleased to see his character perform the action...and promptly dislocate his entire leg as he landed on a curb. Promptly replaying the action in slow motion revealed how much damage had been done to SkateMan Junior, displaying at least one broken bone and three malformations so intense that the leg now more closely resembled the aftermath of a game of Jenga. Mista and Narancia both wheezed with laughter as they scrubbed through the frames from different angles.
“Bro, it’s a puh’terodactyl!” Narancia wiped tears from his eyes as he sprawled over Mista’s shoulders. “It’s a fucking dino-bird, man!”
Mista held up a palmful of popcorn to his right shoulder, laughing as Narancia ate directly out of his hand like a wild foal being tamed by a plucky 10 year old girl in a Hallmark movie.
Footsteps crept up behind the couch they were sprawled across, the sound of expensive leather and distinctly pretentious heel-clicking echoing through the first floor.
“The ‘P’ in pterodactyl is silent, unlike you two. Why not spend your well-earned money on a game that actually functions?” Fugo probed, voice dripping with poorly concealed snark.
“You just don’t know what it’s like to be a pro-skater, Fugo. This is the most accurate depiction of skater-boy life there’s ever been, and you’re just jealous because you can’t do a kickflip.” Mista shot back, leaning back to the right this time and bumping into Narancia’s leg.
Narancia piped up, supporting Mista like usual, “Yeah, Fugo! You don’t understand what it’s like to be cool like us, you’re too busy being a nerd with your trigonometry and geolo-graphy.”
Cackling as he pulled off a difficult series of moves, Mista switched his target to Narancia, saying “You’re not involved in the cool kids’ circle.” Mista groaned in disappointment as Narancia punched him on the shoulder, turning his attention back to his best friend as they sat together. If Narancia wants to fight, so be it.
“Boy, you look like if Hot Topic had a baby clothes section!”
Narancia gasped in mock offense and wrapped his arms around Mista’s neck in a weak attempt at a chokehold. “At least I know how to use a shower! You smell like my foot after a long day of kickin’ ass.”
“Yeah? Well, you smell like a girl!”
“What, you sniff my hair or something, stinkboy?” He leaned in closer to Mista’s ear, smushing his cheek against the side of Mista’s head. “That’s pretty gay, Mista.”
“It is not! I’m not saying you smell sexy, I’m saying girls smell sexy -”
“But you said I smell like a girl, so I must smell sexy.”
“Correct,” Fugo interrupted, “Good use of the transitive property, Narancia.”
“I’m not transitive, I just smell like a girl. Mista’s the gay one.”
Mista sputtered, dropping the controller before starting, “First of all, as a Man Who Had a Vagina for 20 Minutes, that’s transphobic.”
“And second of all,” he continued, “If anyone’s gay, it’s you.”
“And that is my cue to leave you two idiots to your… whatever-this-is.” Fugo turned on his heel and exited the room.
Mista turned around on the couch, raising his hand to his mouth and cried out, “You’re gay, too!” at Fugo, who flipped him off as he continued walking upstairs to his room.
“Don’t change the subject, gay-boy.” Narancia squeezed his arms, still clinging to Mista’s torso and burying his chin into Mista’s scalp painfully.
“Ow, what the fuck Narancia?”
“So how many boys you been kissing, huh?” Narancia lifted his head off Mista’s and started making kissy noises directly into Mista’s ear, who leaned away and shoved him off.
“Fuck off, man. You’re the gay one, because you’re trying to kiss boys!” Mista bit back, as Narancia stuck his tongue out at him and fell backwards onto the couch with a satisfying thump..
“Wait,” Narancia’s eyes widened as a dangerously wide grin spread across his features. “So it’s only gay if you START the kissing?” he asked as he clambered back onto Mista’s back.
Mista crossed his arms and smugly grinned, claiming “Yeah, and if anything you’re more likely to kiss me and be gay because of my rugged good looks and manly charm!”
“Oh, yeah? You wanna bet?” Narancia leaned to the side, releasing Mista from the hold he’d been in, head tilted and chin lifting backwards in a clear challenge.
“What’re the conditions?”
“Okay, so whoever starts the kiss is gay, but anything building up to that is fair game. , That’s just bro stuff.” Narancia grinned, eyes glinting with mischief.
“So what you’re saying is, we’re gonna enter a Cold War race of trying to seduce each other?”
“There’s nothing cold about this because I’m super hot.” Even without turning around Mista heard the tellate snapping of finger guns as Narancia congratulated himself. “Ooh! And if I win, you have to buy me whatever I want from the grocery store!”
“Fine, great, whatever. Do we have a deal or not?” Mista was starting to get agitated with all the back-and-forth. Couldn’t they just reach a conclusion already? Skate 3 was waiting for them.
“Yeah, sure.”
Leaning back onto Mista, Narancia began mentally preparing a list of snacks and candy he was going to make Mista buy for him. He had months worth of Mista knowledge that nobody else had, and if the probably thousands of rounds of truth or dare they’d shared were anything to go off of, he knew all of Mista’s preferences with girls already. It should be easy to emulate that, given that he apparently already smelled the part. Maybe Mista knew more about dates and stuff than he did, but Narancia knew more about Mista than Mista knew about dates, so there wasn’t really anything to worry about. If he was feeling merciful, he’d limit his shopping list to things that were cheap or on sale. But he knew deep down he was going to run with this opportunity as far as it would take him...
With the slight weight of his newfound competitor against his back again, Mista began conjuring up date ideas in his head because, dammit, Narancia had a way of getting into his head and making him want to do stupid things! Mista knew better than anyone how to win people over. He’d seen enough romance movies to know every trick in the book as far as courtship goes. And Narancia, despite watching almost all of them with him, never had the attention span to really absorb any of it. Mista had the home-field advantage in this bet, despite all of the jokes from the rest of the team about how he’s never had a girlfriend. All of that teasing had gotten under his skin and brought out his competitive side. For now, he could funnel that energy back into video games, as he turned his attention back to the screen in front of him, still frozen on the ‘puh-terydactyl’ that started this whole mess.