Chapter Text
It was just another lonely night. Even hurt, he could not escape his duties, even hurt he couldn’t go rest early that night. Whatever powers that be were determined for Jin Guangyao to be miserable and pained, it seemed. It was only Jin Zixuan who kept an eye on him among the bustle of servants and disciples working. Sneaking him food and drink when he absolutely couldn’t go on working.
His ribs hurt. His leg hurts. His head hurts. The moment he enters his room, he has to fight the urge to collapse on the floor and just sleep forever. Instead, he waits, sitting on his bed and meditating until a servant leaves a tray of food outside his door. Poor woman, up so late just to bring food to me… Ignoring that pang of guilt, the disciple (is he truly a disciple? He doubts it, somewhere deep in his heart, which hurts more than he’d care to admit) fetches his own food, careful to carry it to the low table and setting it down. I didn’t drop it. Great.
Sitting through a bland, threadbare meal alone does nothing to soothe him. Infact, somehow he feels worse doing the same thing he always does, but hurting makes him long for something more. It reminds him of worse times… Or perhaps better times. Is this what Lan Xichen felt like when he was hiding away with him? Hurting, feeling alone, on the verge of shattering, unable to do anything. Jin Guangyao knows he isn’t incapable though. Unlike the razing of the Cloud Recesses, things can change here. Politics are prone to change, predisposed to it. He can change it.
Jin Guangshan knows not what he brought into his nest.He will see the end of his father’s career even if it is the last thing he does. Killing him would be the easy option, an easy out. Too easy. Jin Guangshan is a prideful man though, somehow more prideful than the entire sect combined. And what is worse than death itself to such a man? The loss of reputation. He knows that personally. Losing face is worse than any cut he could give his father. And…. It would upset Lan Xichen less. If his Er-ge learned he killed his own father, it would break his heart.
Meng Yao ’s heart can’t handle the disgust that would be in Xichen’s eyes at that. That thought is what dulls the pain in his leg and spurs Jin Guangyao into scheming. He will be Er-ge’s equal. He will look Lan Xichen in the eye as a sect leader. ….And hopefully see that kind respect Xichen always has for him. He will look Nie Mingjue in the eye as an equal, whether the other man likes it or not. Jin Guangyao finishes his food and gets up, leaving the dishes on the table in favor of lying in his cold lonely bed. Soon .