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She was a fighter. She had always been one. If not, she would’ve been dead years ago. Being killed by thirst, hunger or other scavengers jealous of her findings on Jakku. She learned to be strong in order to survive. She had worked herself to the brink of collapsing multiple times in her past life.
It’s not that she wanted to. She just had no choice. Being a kid left on a unfriendly planet with nobody to support her, she had to be hard, had to fight to survive. But even her body, her mind had certain limits. This time, it had been too much for her to handle.
It felt weird, dying.
She had already been on the verge of death even before using the Force to end the Emperor once and for all. The added strain of the Force pushed her miles past her limits. Even though she hadn't sustained grave injuries, she knew what was about to happen. Every muscle in her exhausted body burned.
Usually she was capable of healing a lot of injuries, but she hadn’t have enough power left to heal this particular one. She knew she was gonna die soon. The fight left her completely burnt out, not an ounce of power left. Even breathing pained her so much she just couldn’t force herself to continue fighting. Her body had given up, her mind was following slowly but steady. What did it help trying to stay alive anyway – the Resistance won, the Emperor and Kylo Ren were dead. They didn’t need her anymore. The galaxy was better off without Force Users anyway. Every bigger conflict in the last century had been caused by their incapability of staying who they were designated to be – bringers of peace and diplomats. Thirst for power and world domination had killed billions of bystanders. Normal people who had nothing to do with the Force, who just wanted to live in peace. Billions of them slaved, torn from their families, tortured or killed.
There weren’t any other people trained in the Force except her. She should just let the Force cult die with her. The galaxy could finally know peace for more than just a few years. Finally.
Finally, letting go. She didn’t wanna live like this anyway. She had been responsible for the death of people. She had failed multiple times. If she’d been better, there would’ve been a chance to end this conflict early. To save peoples lifes. She should’ve been better.
Dying didn’t feel that bad of an idea anymore. The galaxy was better off without her anyway. She should let both the jedi and the Palpatine family die out with her.
That was when she let go. Her sight began to blur, from being a little out of focus to seeing vague shadows, barely noticable in the dark hall she’d been in.
Her consciousness started slipping in the sweet darkness of nothingness. The pain was slowly fading, being replaced by the absence of any feeling.
Then –
Nothing.
Pain in every limb.
Pain slowly fading, leaving a faint ache, the kind of ache you have after excercising a bit to excessively. Some soreness, that was all.
Then, her brain started to function again. She thought she’d surely be dead. But if she was she should neither have physical pain nor a body in general. It couldn’t –
As she reopened her eyes to explore her surroundings, the first thing she saw were Ren’s dark eyes. He held her in his arms, just like somebody mourning would hold the corpse of a loved one. She heard his heart beating rapidly in the beginning, but constantly growing weaker.
Her power came back slowly. Simultanely he continued looking more exhausted, transfering his remaining power to her, transfering the last bit of his energy.
„Stop.“ She whispered. Enough people had died because of her, because of her failure. She didn’t want anybody to add himself to the list.
She watched him closing his eyes for a heartbeat, then slowly reopening them, focusing her face. This weren’t the eyes of a cold-blooded murder anymore. They were full of regret, full of sadness. Not Kylo Ren’s anymore, but Ben Solo’s.
He moved forward, getting closer to her face, while his eyes seemed to be begging for forgiveness. He got unpleasantly close to her, until the realization of what Ben was planning to do hit her.
Having been in similar situations a multitude of times, her body reacted faster than her brain did, raising her left arm – the one that wasn’t stuck between herself and Ben – and slapping him right across the face.