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Your name is Vriska Serket, and you died before you even started your suicide mission.
You hated that your plan had failed. You wanted to be the hero and kill the ultimate villain, because maybe everyone would stop hating you.
Maybe you were tired of being the Spider8itch.
But it hadn't worked and you were dead, which you guess you deserved after all the crap you'd pulled.
John was here, and though he wasn't the John you had been casually molding into a good version of yourself, he was still John, wonderful, adorable John, and you still liked him.
And he still forgave you. For being you and screwing up all the time.
You moved on a little and spent time with him. Sometimes you realized he was helping you heal, just like his other self, and you were shedding the Spider8itch. You were happy.
Your name is Vriska Serket and you had deluded yourself into believing everything was fantastic.
Sometimes you forgot who he was and asked John if he remembered when- but he was already shaking his head, because he hadn't been there and he wasn't "the real John."
He was John, but he wasn't your John, and he knew it, even though you didn't. He wasn't the one who could calm you down and been there for you and had almost permanently changed you for the better and had really been the one helping you while you had helped him along his quest.
You didn't care about that you kept trying to tell him, but he did.
Then one day, he started with your name- the whole one that he only used when he really meant it.
You, of course, dreaded whatever he was going to say.
"Vriska Serket. I'm not the John that you want. I died before we ever talked, and all those memories you have, the main reason we're together... Those aren't with me. That's someone else. I'd tell you to be with him, the real John, but I don't think you ever really loved him either. I don't think you love anyone. Which is understandable, because you don't even love yourself. You're a failure because you think you are, and no one likes you because you don't like them or yourself. To add to that, Vris, we both know that I'm just a disposable copy of a John who made a huge mistake, and I'm going to be erased by English soon. So goodbye, Serket, in every sense of the word."
You loved him and he called it a lie.
You told him to fuck off, then curled up in a ball and cried.
Your name is Vriska Serket, and you can't stop missing him.
You supposed he was better off now. After all, you were the Spider8itch, and you screwed people up. Just look at Eridan and Tavros, or Terezi, and Aradia.
You saw him three times after that. Once you screamed at him, once you were achingly cordial, and the last he died.
So maybe he wasn't saved. Still better off than with you.
You found Tav shortly after that, and fell back on him. Tavros was safe. He wouldn't hurt. Not in the way Egbuns had.
Your name is Vriska Serket, and you thought you moved on.
John showed up, and it brought all of your hurt back. You loved him, but he hadn't wanted you, and you couldn't stand him for it.
So, after thirty seconds of dysphoria, you snapped back into the Spider8itch, deciding to show him the Vriska everyone else knew and hated. You were protecting him as well as yourself. John would hate her too.
This John wouldn't be screwed up, and he wouldn't die either. You'd push him away, because those things his copy had said, they stung, and you couldn't stop hearing them. That John didn't say them, but he looked and acted exactly the same, and you couldn't face him.
When John straight up told you that you were a crappy person, that he saw why everyone hated you, it was a hollow victory. You smiled triumphantly through the blue tears pouring out of you.
You were both safer this way. One person was only a little hurt, and the other, well you knew how to deal with pain. The Spider8itch was there to protect you.
Your name is Vriska Serket, and you successfully pushed away the one person you thought could love you.
You won, but you felt defeated. It was supposed better this way, so why was it so painful?
You met your match, and he got the best of you.
Your name is Spider8itch, and John Egbert broke your heart.