Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas treeeee!” Brass sang sweetly as he hung the last of his ornaments on the tree in his penthouse. “Oh how I do love your muscles! ”

He took a step back to admire the now adequately ripped tree. It had been a last-minute gift from Biff, but good lord what a gift it had been! He was somewhere in his mid-fifties now and he had spent the vast majority of his time on Earth utterly obsessed with lifting weights and hulking out. How in the name of Christmas had it taken this long for anyone to tell him that flexing major-muscle arm Christmas tree ornaments were a thing?!

Well, it didn’t matter now! His tree was flexin’ up a storm - just as he now was, in its reflection - and that’s all that matters. This Christmas was gonna be a blast!

Content with his mix of both admiring and showing off, he then turned back to his mini bar to prepare a drink. Just a lil somethin’ to help him wind down! It was, after all, the very night of Christmas Eve . Tomorrow would be a bright and snowy Christmas day and he would enjoy it just as much as he always had, ever since he was a small and puny boy!

Ignoring, for once, the exquisite lineup of various high-end liquor bottles adorning his cabinet, Brass instead went straight for the fridge and removed the eggnog he had prepared earlier. Perfect!

He sat down with a thud in his large and luxurious ARM-chair, overlooking the roaring fireplace, and took a sip. Mmmm! Yes, there was just something about Christmas he couldn’t help but love. Everyone gatherin’ round, being festive and friendly, and all-round just having a great time with each other? Thinga pure beauty, it was!

...A thud suddenly came from above. It shook him slightly, making his ‘nog swish around in its mug. What in the blazes was that?!

...He stood up, and looked in the general direction of the crash, tilting his head toward the ceiling. B-But... How could there have been anything up there? He was on the top floor, for Christmas’ sake!!

He set his mug down and went toward the large glass window that looked out on his rooftop pool, opening it slowly and cautiously, unsure what to expect out there. Once out, he turned back and looked up to the upper roof deck that hung above his suite. Thick snow covered it now - no surprise there, what with tonight’s snowfall - but he couldn’t quite make out anything else up there.

Had he just imagined that crash...? It was possible. Or... Or it could have been some sort of meteorite!! ...Or it could have been something truly inconsequential. Really, the list of what it could have been was quite long indeed.

...Suddenly, a yellow face popped over the edge of the roof, causing Brass to yelp and stumble back - almost damn near knockin’ him into his own pool! And on a night like this, what a frigid splash that would have been. Thank god he had caught his footing in time.

“ ...B-Biff?! ” He blinked back up at the small yellow man peering down at him. “Just what the heck are you doin’ up there?!” He yelled, immensely confused. And how did he get up there to begin with.

“...Uh oh.” Biff replied, though not to Brass. “We’ve been seen...”

S-Seen? Just what did that mean?!

...And then, defying all he had believed for the past thirty-something years, another face popped up beside Biff’s. “ Ho ho ho! ” The bearded man chuckled, causing the snow white pom pom of his cosy red hat to bounce. “My my, I’m awfully sorry to have bothered you so late!”

Brass stared, jaw-dropped, as he looked up at the heavyset old man atop his roof. “I-It...” He mumbled. “...I-It can’t be!”

“Ho ho!” He chuckled again. “I’m afraid so, my muscular friend! ‘Tis the night for such things, ay?”

“ S-SANTA CLAUS?! ” He yelped, giddily. “I can’t believe it! You’re REAL! ”

“Of course I am!” He smiled, as he carefully hopped down from the rooftop, followed closely by Biff. “And I have a present with your name on it, Max!”

Brass jumped up and down on his feet in a manner that’d make r/HumanTippyTaps proud.

“Do you mind if we...?” Santa began, motioning to the glass door from where Brass had came.

“O-Oh, no, not at all!! ” He nodded, excitedly. “Make yerself at home!!”

Santa slid the door open and stepped inside, followed by Biff behind him - who, as Brass could now make out, was wearing some sort of neatly knitted green uniform. Brass joined them and shut the door behind him, glad to be out of the cold. “Not a bad place, eh?” He grinned.

“No no, not at all!” Santa sighed comfortably. “I’ve seen it before, though! I come every year, after all.”

“ Right! ” Brass nodded wildly. “A-And thank ya so much for all these years of Christmas joy ya been bringin’ me! A-And bringin’ to everyone , at that!”

Santa chuckled, waving his hand in a dismissing manner. “The pleasure is all mine, I assure you!” He took some steps closer to the fireplace, warming himself by it. “My... It’s really quite lovely in here! We’ve been out in the cold for so long now...”

“...Uh...” Biff grumbled, seeming a little impatient. “...Shouldn’t we be getting a move on?”

“H-Huh?” Brass jumped. “ N-Nonsense! What’s the rush? Stay a lil while and relax! There’s a fire, an’ eggnog, and all sortsa comfy stuff.”

“We’ve still got houses to visit...” Biff reminded Santa, to which Brass gave something of a quiet sigh. He didn’t want to be responsible for any missed Christmases around the world, after all.

“Mmm...” Santa thought to himself, still warming by the fire. “...Did you say eggnog? ”

Brass’s eyes lit up and he began to nod wildly. “ Y-Yeah! Lemmie grab you a mug full-” He hurriedly ran back to the minibar to fix Santa Claus a drink. “...You want any too, Biff?”

“No.” Biff sighed. “...Also, I’m not Biff.”

Brass paused, blinking. “...Y-Y’aren’t?! Y’look just like him!”

“We all look kinda similar.” The small yellow fist-headed man explained. “But I live up in the North Pole and help Santa out at Christmas. My name’s Gifft. ”

“Ha!” Brass smiled widely, passing a mug full of eggnog to Santa. “ That’s real clever! I like that.”

“As much as I’m sure the fic writer likes to congratulate himself on his own writing, perhaps we should be moving on...? ” Gifft reminded Santa again.

“A-Ah, yeah...” Brass nodded, again somewhat disappointed. “I-I don’t wantcha to get too behind schedule, Mister Claus!”

Santa took a long sip of his eggnog and slowly shook his head. “Still plenty of time, I’m sure...”

Brass nervously turned back to Gifft. “H-How many houses ya still got on ya list...?”

Gifft rolled his eyes and produced a small piece of parchment, seemingly out of nowhere. “Seems... About another thirteen stops or so.”

“...Th-That all?” Brass blinked. “Y-Y’mean there’s only thirteen more stops left in the whole world?! ”

“Yep.” Gifft nodded.

“ You guys are mighty quick! ” He grinned.

“It’s a little bit of...” Santa tapped his nose, winking one eye shut. “ Christmas magic. ”

“Yes, well, we still have a job to do...” Gifft reminded again. “We can relax after we’re done.”

“Th-The night’s still young, though!” Brass intervened. “Ya got plenty of time! Don’tcha wanna rest your feet a while?”

“Well...” Santa mumbled, heading toward the nice sofa nearby. “If I could , j-just for one moment...”

“Santa...” Gifft sighed.

“Take a minute to relax, Saint Nick!” Brass grinned, eager to repay the favour of Santa’s many years of Christmas joy in any way he could. “Ya must be exhausted! ”

“It has been quite a tiring year...” Santa nodded solemnly. “...Greenhouse gases have been heating the planet like we’ve never seen before! It’s making the north pole mighty... Melty. ”

“Melty?!” Brass gasped. “ That’s no good at all! ” He, of course, referred to the melting of the polar ice caps as Santa had implied - and not the writer of this fic, whom both he and Santa would probably like quite a lot thanks.

“Yes, yes, it’s been... Quite a difficult year, I must say.”

“W-Well, there’s only thirteen more stops, so we can be over with it soon...” Gifft pushed again.

Santa sighed. “...Yes, I suppose you’re right...”

“H-Hold on there now, Nick!” Brass interrupted. “You’ve been workin’ hard all year ‘round! You deserve to take a break, a-and there’s no better place to relax, I can promise ya!”

“Brass...” Gifft grumbled.

“W-Well hold on!” He continued, turning to Gifft, then looking back and forth between them both. “What if I went an’ finished things off for ya?”

“...What?” Gifft paused, dumbfounded.

“...Hmmm...” Santa thought, taking another long sip of his eggnog as he leant back comfortably in his chair. “...That’d be a mighty kind offer there, Max.”

“I’ll do it!” He grinned. “I’ll take care of it for ya, no sweat!!”

Gifft glared at Santa. “...You want an ordinary human to fill in for you...?”

Santa shrugged slowly. “He’s got the Christmas spirit in him. I reckon’ anyone could be Santa Claus, with enough Christmas spirit... ”

“That’s a cop out, Santa.” Gifft remarked.

“Max, if you’re willing to take on these remaining thirteen homes for me...” Santa smiled warmly. “Why, you might just make an old man’s Christmas for him.”

A single tear ran down Brass’s cheek. “You can count on me, big man!”

Gifft sighed. “ ...Fine. I guess we better get going, then.”

The two turned back for the glass door, only to be stopped by Santa once again. “Oh! And don’t forget your coat now, Brass...”

“...Coat?” Brass turned back, confused, only to find Santa was now coatless himself. He looked down at his own body and found it magically draped in a beautiful red and white coat - fluffy and warm like you could never imagine! “ H-HOLY COW! ”

Santa smirked as he nodded his head. “Make me proud, son. Make me proud.”

Brass played with the pom pom of his new hat. “ Can do!! ”

With that, they turned and left out to the pool again, shutting the door behind them.

Chapter Text

Brass found, rather happily, at the coat’s joyous warmth helped immensely to keep out the bitter winter cold. Not bad at all!

“Right...” Gifft mumbled, looking upon his list once again. “...Our first stop is pretty nearby. I’ve chosen an... Easy one. Just to get you used to all this.”

Brass nodded. “Alrighty then, off we go!” He paused. “Uhh... How do we get there?” He looked back up at the rooftop again. “You guys got a sleigh or...?”

“Nah.” Gifft answered nonchalantly, clicking his fingers.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a glittery gust of snowflakes took up in a whirlwind around them... And they were suddenly somewhere entirely different.

“N-No way!!” Brass grinned, amazed.

“Shhhh!” Gifft glared. “We don’t wanna be waking anyone up, here!”

“R-Right...!!” He confirmed, far quieter. He took a good look around his new surroundings - there was a large Christmas tree, some nicely laid out sofas by a coffee table, a pretty big TV nearby... It seemed to be some sort of apartment.

“Here, take this.” Gifft motioned, passing a neatly wrapped present - blue paper with a golden bow - to Brass. “...And put it under the tree.”

“Gotcha.” He nodded, crouching beneath the tree quietly. After setting it down, he took a second to flip the small label card over, if only out of curiosity. “...Huh?” He muttered, standing again. “That’s for Spring Man?!” He looked around. “Is this Spring Man’s shindig?!”

“Yep.” Gifft nodded. “Pretty much all the remaining folk are your ARMS fighter buddies. Funny how that turned out, huh?”

“I’ll say!” He laughed. “...So what did the young man get?”

“Hmm?” Biff checked his list again. “...Ah. Pizza cutters.”

“...Pizza cutters...?” Brass repeated, bewildered.

“Yep. They’re not the rolly-wheel kind, though. They’re like huuuge scissors.” He put his fingers together then made a scissor motion with them. “...C’ept one part is flat, so you can use it for pizza. It’s kinda fun, I guess.”

Brass nodded slowly. Seemed like a fun kinda thing, and likely better than the traditional pizza roller too. “...Hey, wait a sec!” He squinted. “Doesn’t Spring usually order pizza, though? That comes pre-cut!!”

Gifft yawned, looking over his notes. “Yeah, but we’ve noted throughout the year that Spring Man wants to start making his own pizzas. Homemade.” He set the list aside again. “This is something of a push for him to start trying that out.”

“Ahhhh.” Brass smiled softly. “That’s neat! I like that.” He clapped his hands together and grinned. “Alrighty! Where we off to next?”

“Next up...” Gifft put his fingers together. “Two birds with one stone.” He then clicked them.

Chapter Text

The snow began to simmer away again, and now they stood in another apartment - this one a bit smaller, a bit messier, and a bit more... Clashing.

Brass took a deep inhale, then struck his finger out, feeling so smart. “ Min Min’s place. ” The scent of ramen, likely originating from the restaurant below, was pretty unmistakable.

“Yep.” Gifft nodded. “But Ribbon Girl lives here too. For the most part, at least.” He suddenly produced a stack of two gifts, one atop the other, in his hands. “She’s here tonight, and that’s all that matters.”

“They live together...?” Brass remarked, a little surprised, as he took the presents from Gifft. One was green with a red bow, and the other was soft pink with a hot pink bow. No guess as to who’s who’s.

“Yeah, they’re dating.” Gifft answered, pointing to the base of the rather nicely set up Christmas tree. “They’ve been dating for a while now, actually. The relationship seems to be going pretty well.”

“Huh.” Brass shrugged, getting down to put the presents beneath the tree. “Is that canon...?”

“Nah. But as far as the writer is concerned? Might as well be carved on the moon.”

“That sounds like it might turn away readers from otherwise interesting fics that they might enjoy.” Brass sighed, getting to his feet. “You think that happens?”

“I dunno, but I think that’s enough meta-talk for this chapter. Wanna know what they’re getting?” He pulled out his list again.

“Lay it on me!” Brass grinned, before suddenly jumping. “No no, wait! Can I guess? ”

Gifft shrugged. “Go for it.”

“For Ribbon Girl...” He pondered, drumming his fingers on his chin. “...Somethin’ musical? A karaoke set, or somethin’?”

“I imagine she’s already got one of those.” He shrugged. “It’s a tea set , actually.”

“Ah!” He grinned. “She gettin’ into teas and all that? That’ll give her somethin’ to bond with Twintelle over.”

“Mm.” He nodded.

“...Wait.” Brass smiled. “Are all the gifts somethin’ that pushes ‘em to try new things?!”

“Nah.” Gifft shot down. “Just Spring and Ribs. We only happened to get to them first, there’s no actual pattern to these.”

“Bummer.” Brass sighed. He might have gone on a bit longer about what a cool idea it would have been, but he had already agreed to limit the meta-talk for now. “Alright, so... Min Min. Hmmm...” He drummed his chin again. “...Somethin’ ramen, for sure! Some sorta fancy dish set, maybe?”

Gifft shook his head again. “ Dragon onesie. ”

“...What’s that?” He squinted.

“Like a big one-piece pyjama thing that makes you look like a dragon? It’s got a tail and a hood that’s got teeth and stuff... It’s pretty cool, actually. Right up her alley.”

Brass shrugged. “Sounds like something she’d like. Pretty crazy to think one of ‘em got somethin’ silly and the other got somethin’ classy...” He looked around the room, at the many clashing knick knacks nearby, all ranging from beautiful ornaments to goofy plastic action figures. Even the tree was dressed similarly. “...I guess they’re pretty different, but they work well together despite that? That’s cute.”

“Yep.” Gifft nodded. “That’s what makes their relationship so strong, and-” He sighed suddenly, shaking his head. He put his fingers together and snapped them quickly, if only to get away from me just making this chapter into justifying my ship again.

Chapter Text

Brass’s eyes instantly met with Gifft’s finger, which was pressed to his lips firmly.

Pressed to Gifft’s lips, I mean.

He was indicating to be veryyyy quiet with this particular visit, as the gift receiver... Was right beside them.

Brass looked down to the slumbering Ninjara in the bed beside them, then took a quick look around the surrounding room - it was far smaller than the two they had been to before. This was no apartment, no, this was a dorm. “...Hm.” Brass muttered quietly as he could. “No Christmas tree...?”

Gifft shook his head as he produced a small, square, and flat present from out of nowhere. “There’s one out front at the university’s plaza, but there’s not really much space in here for one. Just put the present wherever you think is best.”

Brass nodded, taking it. He then pondered for a moment and set it down on Ninjara’s pillow, right beside his sleeping head. “...What’s with all these tissues around...?” He asked, a little concerned.

Gifft frowned. “He’s just been through a break up, I’m afraid.”

“Wh-?” Brass blinked. “...Aw man, that’s awful. Poor fella.”

Gifft shrugged. “They’d only been dating a week or two. He’s a bit of a drama queen, honestly. But such is life at university, I guess.”

“...What’s his gift? It’s smaller than the others.”

“It’s a CD.” Gifft clarified. “Music from the Edge of Heaven, to be exact.”

“...That’s...” Brass squinted, recognising the name.

“A Wham! album, yes. We’ve included a little note to check out track eight on the ‘Cool Side’. It’s Last Christmas.”

“Seems appropriate...” He admitted.

“Yeah, we figured it’d help him get over his break up. We’ve always given him CDs, ever since he was a little boy. His CD player is a hand-me-down from his mother, who’s sadly no longer around.”

“Aw man...” Brass smiled sadly. “That must mean a lot to him... Hope he’ll get through this alright.” Brass then slowly bent down and lay a small kiss on Ninjara’s forehead as he slept.

“...Okay. That was a bit weird, but alright.” Gifft shrugged. “Onwards?”

“Let’s go!” Brass nodded as Gifft got his list out once again. “...Man, maybe I should set the fella up on a date myself! I’ll give him some pointers and set him on the right path. Should work a treat, eh?” He conveniently ignored his prior divorce for the time being. It was, after all, primarily due to Coyle going totally crazy - not something people usually have to account for.

“...How about Lola Pop?” Gifft answered, finally.

“...Huh?” He scratched his head. “...W-Well, yeah, I guess that could work. If you think they’d be good for each other?”

“...Huh?” Gifft blinked. “I was picking who we’d visit next...”

“O-Oh!!” Brass blushed. “Y-Yeah, that makes sense.”

Click.

Chapter Text

“ Please be careful with this one.” Gifft muttered, somewhat uncomfortable. “It’s one of Santa’s least favourite stops...”

Brass took a look around, and instantly realized why. “That’s... A lot of bike horns.” All across the floor, strewn all around like rice thrown to birds, were various forms of bike horns . One wrong step would cause one hell of a squeak - something they wanted to avoid doing.

“Tree over there, Brass.” Gifft pointed, handing him the cylindrical present.

Brass squinted off into the distance where Gifft had pointed. “I... I think I see the tree? Why’s it so far away?!”

“Because she wants you to step on the bike horns.” Gifft answered, watching as Brass began to carefully tip-toe around the traps laid out. “She always does this. She wants to get woken up so she can see Santa.”

“ Great... ” Brass grumbled, not much wanted to deal with an excited Lola right now. He continued to move as quickly yet quietly as he could.

Gifft floated by him quietly on what appeared to be a magical little snowcloud. “ Watch your step. ”

Brass paused, his face scrunching. “ N-Now hold on a second!! ” He puffed. “You can fly?! Why can’tcha make me fly?!”

“Christmas Magic only works for me, I’m afraid.” He shrugged, as Brass began to continue on. “And for Santa, too. Which is why I wanted him to be the one to- CAREFUL!! ”

Brass froze suddenly. There, beside the tree, lay Lola - sleeping soundly with a comical bubblegum bubble coming from her nose, like some sort of cartoon.

“... Careful. Set the present down by the tree and then I’ll get us the Merry Kalikimaka out of here.”

Brass nodded and leant forward with the present. “By the way, what am I delivering here...?”

“You remember Etch-a-Sketches, yeah? It’s a really small one. Like, it’s fit for a keychain or something.”

“Th-That’s all?!” He quietly berated. “Then why’s the present so big?!”

“We also put a spring-loaded pie in there. It’s part of the culture.”

“Right...” He set the present down and carefully stepped back-

HONK.

The sound struck through Brass’s heart like a steak knife in a different fic, and he quickly took his foot off of the bike horn he had stood on, in the hopes it might have saved him.

...But it didn’t. Lola’s bubblegum bubble popped with a bang and she sat upright instantly, like some sort of horrifying Halloween doorstep prank prop.

“ G-GET ME OUTTA HERE!! ” Brass screeched, backing away quickly as more honks care from the numerous horns he was no stepping on.

Gifft quickly snapped his fingers, before Lola could properly make a lunge for him.

Chapter Text

Brass panted rapidly as they escaped to the safety of some sorta of cluttered warehouse. He bent over and took a moment to catch his breath. “That was horrifying! ”

“Yeah, it’s not a fun stop...” Gifft agreed. “Quiet now, by the way. She’s sleeping. ”

Brass took a look across the room, where a tall bunk bed stood. The second bunk, from what it appeared, may just have been some sort of racecar bed. Can you imagine that? A bunk bed and racecar bed hybrid? Wild!

“She’s usually a pretty heavy sleeper, so we shouldn’t be too worried. Just take care not to knock over anything metal - that’d be loud. ”

Brass nodded. “So... This is Mechanica’s room, eh?” He looked around at the various half-finished machines and, jarringly, Ribbon Girl posters and paraphernalia. It was, in some sense, what he figured Coyle’s childhood bedroom must have been like, if Coyle had truly had that urge to build from as early on. Or, alternatively, if he and Coyle had fathered a child, then... Maybe this is what it would have been like. Maybe-

“Yo, North Pole to Brass...?” Gifft clicked his fingers a few times in Brass’s face. “Focus, please.”

Brass shook out of it, then squinted at the small yellow man. “How come you didn’t make us warp by doin’ that?!”

“...It’s something I have to want to do?” Gifft looked back, dumbfounded. “ Duh. Would be pretty annoying if I couldn't click without doing it.”

“... Alright, well, give me the present already.” Brass sighed. “I’m gonna guess this one - I feel like I might get it! ”

“Knock yourself out...” Gifft shrugged, passing him the yellow box, tied tightly with a black ribbon.

“ Hmmmmm... ” He shook it slightly. “I was kinda expecting it to be heavier... So maybe it ain’t a machine or nothin’. I’m gonna say...” He smiled. “...Somethin’ Ribbon Girl, for sure! Like a Ribbon Girl action figure, or somethin’?”

“Close!” Gifft smiled. “It’s a Min Min action figure.”

“Wh-...?” Brass paused. “ Min Min? Not Ribbon Girl? What, you fellas run outta stock at the North Pole or somethin’?!”

Gifft rolled his eyes. “She already has all the Ribbon Girl action figures.” He motioned to the back wall, where several stood on display. Some posable, some solid statues, and even a Nendroid and a Funko Pop. “...We got her a Min Min one ‘cause she likes Min Min a ton too.”

“Hmmm...” He nodded, putting the box beneath the tree. “How long ‘til she gets a Brass one, eh?” He grinned widely.

“...You’d be... Uh...” Gifft coughed, uncomfortable. “...Probably about eighth on the list.”

“EIGHTH?!” He yelped.

“ Shhhhhhhhhh!! ” Gifft urged, as they quietly watched Mechanica shift from across the room. She thankfully stayed fast asleep, however.

“...M-My bad...” Brass gulped, relieved not to have awoken the soundly sleeping young girl, who was totally safe and unharmed unlike in that one other fic.

“How about we move on, eh?” He put his fingers together. “...Nice tree, though. She really goes all out.”

“Sure does.” Brass smiled, giving it one last look. “Girl has the Christmas spirit!”

“Maybe she’ll be made to be Santa next year.” Gifft joked, but I don’t wanna commit to that for next year’s Christmas fic, so let’s just say he snapped his fingers and never speak of it again.

Chapter Text

“PHEW! ” Gifft sighed, remarkably loudly. “Breather stop. We’re almost half way there now, I think.”

“Hope Santa’s chillin’ out back home.” Brass smiled, proud of the work they had done so far. “...So why’s this a breather stop...?”

Gifft pointed at the nearby wall, where two robots were plugged in for the night, charging up their batteries.

“ Ahhhh... ” Brass waved his hang in front of Byte’s eye-cameras, but Byte gave no reaction at all. “Well that makes things easy. Kinda surprised we even bother gifting the ‘bots, though.”

Gifft shrugged. “The line between person and robot is getting blurrier every day. Freaky, eh?” He produced two items - not wrapped, this time. “Put this one around Byte’s neck and set this one on the floor in front of Barq.”

Brass took the items - a pine-scented car air freshener and a tennis ball. Hm. “Guess this really is an easy one after all.” He remarked as he looped the freshener’s string around Byte’s metallic neck. “Say, I’ve been wonderin’ -  why do you need me for all this? Or Saint Nick, I mean?” He set the ball down ahead of Barq, then turned toward Gifft. “Like, back when we were at Lola’s place, if ya couldn’t make me fly why didn’t you fly to the tree yourself and put it there for me?”

“It’s against the contract.” Gifft shrugged. “If I could do everything on my own, we wouldn’t need Santa at all. And a big man in a red coat is more marketable than a small yellow guy with a fist on his head, y’know?”

“I guess...” Brass shrugged. In actuality, it kinda begged more questions - like what the hell did he mean by marketing?! ...But he decided to let it go. “So, why the air freshener and tennis ball? I mean, Barq doesn’t even have a mouth... ”

“Byte thinks smelling better means he’s easier to talk to and Barq just likes to push the ball around. Pretty simple stuff.”

“Can’t argue with that.” He accepted. “Guess we’re ready to go to the next one then, eh?”

“Yep.” Gifft nodded. “Kinda a short chapter, but ah well.”

Click.

Chapter Text

Brass found himself in a much more comfortable setting now - one much more his style!

This was Twintelle’s suite. Different building than his own, and questionably fancier, depending on your tastes. He couldn’t really say for sure which was actually the nicer of the two - he was gonna be biased toward his own, naturally. But of all the homes they’d been through so far, this was easily the most his style.

“Right...” Gifft began, a little fidgety, as he produced a white box with a blue bow from thin air. “Let’s, uhhh, make this a quick one. She’s getting some scented candles - nothing fancy, just what you’d expect really.”

“Alright.” Brass shrugged, taking the box and setting it beneath the nearby and very beautifully decorated tree. “Glad we’ve been getting some easy ones, I-”

...The light sound of singing came from a nearby room. “ Santa babyyy~... Slip a sable under the tree~... For me!~♡”

“I-Is that...?” Brass squinted toward the open door bedroom door, where out from the darkness, Twintelle suddenly emerged.

“ I’ve been an awful good girl~...” She continued, pressing herself up against the doorway seductively, dressed only in a light dressing down and a fluffy fur scarf. “ So, Santa babyyy~... Hurry down my chimney t- ” ...She paused suddenly, then gasped and made an effort to cover herself better. “ B-Brass?! ”

“I-I-” Brass stammered. “...Uh-Uhhh...”

“ Get the hell out of here, Brass!” ” She glared, deeply disappointed.

“ S-Sorry!! ” He squealed, covering his eyes with his wrist in an effort to seem more gentleman-y.

Gifft cleared his throat. “ Yiiiiikes... ” He checked the word count, and while this chapter actually proved to be even shorter than the last, he decided it would be better to leave now, rather than to continue in this situation any longer.

Click.

Chapter Text

“Something a bit more family friendly, now.” Gifft commented as the snow began to clear.

“ Yeeeeeesh! ” Brass groaned, thankful to Silver Bells and back to be out of there. “Somehow I feel I’ve got a slap coming to me next time I see her...” He sighed, and began to assess his new surroundings.

This place was far more of a traditional home than the apartments, dorm rooms, and warehouses that he had been to so far. It didn’t seem like there was anyone too nearby,  sleeping or not, either.

“I feel like I know this place...” It was harder to recognise in the dark, but he had definitely been here before. “... Ah! Mummy?”

“Bingo.” Gifft smiled, before magically summoning three different presents. “Somethin’ for the big guy, somethin’ for his missus, and somethin’ for the kid.”

“Ah, man!” Brass grinned. “Such a lovely family, really. I should have ‘em over more often. His wife makes the best apple pie.” He blinked, then remembered the last stop, and his face fell. “H-Hey, is Mrs. Claus a real thing too or...?!”

“Nah, it’s just Santa.” Gifft shrugged, reassuringly. “Rudolph isn’t a thing either. Of the ten reindeer people usually site, only Donner is real.” He nodded. “Yep, north pole is just Santa, me, and Donner. All three hundred and sixty five days a year.”

“That’s... Weird.” Brass muttered, setting the presents down beneath the tree - an artificial tree one assembles with labelled branches, likely almost as old as Brass himself.

“Three hundred and sixty six on leap years.”

“ Yeah, I get it. ” Brass grumbled. “You wanna tell me what the Mummy family is gettin’?”

“Sure.” Gifft returned, reproducing his list again. “Let’s see... Mummy himself is getting a mug with ‘World’s Best Mummy’ on it...”

“That’s all?” Brass raised an eyebrow at the rather simple concept.

“He really wants one, and they only make ‘em in the United Kingdom.” Gifft explained. “We had to import it.” He flicked down to the list again. “Let’s see... His wife is getting some oven mitts. Real good ones, that really keep the heat out. And they don’t burn or melt or anythin’ either. They’re good .”

“Understandable. Can’t really take risks by the over when you’re ARMS are so... Flammable. ”

“Right? And for the kiddddd...” He traced his finger on the page. “ Ah! A Nintendo Switch Lite™ console, and a copy of Splatoon 2 with it.”

“That’s neat, I guess...” Brass mumbled.

“Yeah, it is! The battery life is better than on an ordinary Switch, and it’s much more portable too!” He turned the parchment around to show an advert for the Switch Lite. “It doesn’t connect to a dock, but it can play just about anything the ordinary Switch can!”

“Look, man, you don’t gotta market it to me.” Brass glared.

“I-I’m not marketing it!” He replied, defensively. “I just figured it was an interesting new gadget, and it’d be a good thing to get around the Christmas season! Most people say it’s great fun when you actually try it, and-”

“ Enough, man. ” Brass glared. “Handheld gameplay is fun an’ all, but I like playing ARMS with the motion control .”

“W-Well...” He sulked. “You could always connect another pair of Joy-Cons...”

“ I’d still have to play on the smaller screen, though. ” Brass sighed, impatient. “Look, I think it’s plenty cool for other people an’ all, I just think - for me - I wanna stick to the regular Switch. The added portability just ain’t enough of a bonus for me.”

Gifft shrugged. “I can accept that. Shall we move on?”

Click.

Chapter Text

...This new place was weird. Every wall was painted with some sort of sea-view mural, as if the homeowner really wanted to pretend they were at the beach at all times of the day. The room itself was practically empty, too. No furniture around, save for some fake palm trees and sand castles, as well as some piles of actual sand on the floor, which didn’t really count as furniture now did it?

“Uhhh...” Brass looked around, remarkably confused. “Who the heck lives here? Doesn’t really seem to match any o’ the other fighters I know...” He hadn’t forgotten anyone, had he? He was getting kinda old, sure, but he hadn’t lost his marbles yet...

“Up there.” Gifft nudged, pointing upward at the strangely high ceiling. There, in a slowly swaying hammock tied precariously to two fake palm trees, slept Biff.

“...Huh.” Brass shrugged, his brain feeling a little slow. “I guess you really aren’t him.”

“Tolda ya.” Gifft shrugged. “We’re both Biffs , but we’re different Biffs.”

“Confusing.” Brass mumbled. “So he likes the beach, eh? I didn’t know that.”

“He likes to feel like he’s always on holiday.” Gifft remarked, producing a strange sack tied with a yellow ribbon. “ Here ya go. There’s not much in here that matches a traditional Christmas tree, but we’ll say that palm trees count for this one.”

Brass took the sack, then looked it over with concerned gaze. “I don’t think I could guess this one.” He shook it around a bit. “Sounds like a whole lotta small beady things or somethin’.” His best guess would probably be loose pennies, but that didn’t seem much realistic for a Christmas gift.

“It’s a sack of three hundred lug nuts. ” Gifft answered, a little too nonchalantly. “They’re in varying sizes and metals, too. We really went all out.”

“...” Brass paused. “... Lug nuts? ”

“Mm.”

Was he missing something here? It sounded crazy to him, yet Gifft didn’t seem to think so. “...And, uh, why does he want a bag fulla lug nuts? ”

“He eats them.” Gifft answered again, looking up at Brass without an ounce of sarcasm in his expression - nor any degree of mislead or joke telling.

Brass sighed slowly, realizing he really didn’t know the small yellow man very well at all. “Whelp... He’s a weird kid, I guess.”

“He’s over ninety.” Gifft continued.

“Alright, alright, stop! ” Brass grumbled, setting the sack down beneath the palm tree. “ ...There. Palm tree present delivered! Almost feel like we should be hangin’ ‘em up on the tree, y’know?” He smiled.

“No idea what you’re on about.” Gifft mumbled, taking his list out once again.

“Eh?” Brass scratched his head. ” Like that song ‘bout Christmas on Christmas Island! Ain’tcha ever heard that one? I figured you’d know all the Christmas songs, given whatcha spend your time doin’.”

Gifft shrugged. “I pretty much listen exclusively to Katy Perry.”

Brass blinked. He had only met two Biffs so far, and before today he hadn’t even realized there was more than the one , but now he was pretty sure he didn’t want to meet any more any time soon. “...Alright. Should we get to the next one, then?”

“If that’s whatcha want.” Gifft brought his fingers together.

“ ...W-Wait! ” Brass interrupted, quickly. “...Maybe it could be a good idea to make use of this ‘breather stop’ while we still can...” He carefully sat down on the nearby sand, with a gentle sigh.

“...Alright.” Gifft shrugged, sitting down beside him. He paused, then gave a small laugh. “Good you stopped me when you did, I was just about to snap. Pretty lucky you change your mind... Like a girl changes clothes. ” He winked one eye shut, a cheeky smirk on his lips. “...Get it? Like the song?”

“...Yeahhhh...” Brass mumbled.

“ Hot n Cold. ”

“Y-Yeah, I know, I got it...” Brass rolled his eyes, unseen from Gifft.

“From the album One of the Boys. 2008.”

“Sure.” He drummed his fingertips on the sand.

“Which she followed up with Teenage Dream in 2010.”

“...”

“...You ever heard that one?” He raised his eyebrows. “One of her best, for sure. ”

“...”

“...I actually have it on my Zune, so if you wanna share the earbuds we can-”

“ Okay, ” Brass sighed, getting back to his feet at the sight of Gifft taking out his Zune. “ break over, let’s get back to work.”

“....Yep yep.” He nodded back. “...We do have time for one or two tracks, though. So-”

“ Click yer damn fingers. ”

With a sigh, Gifft complied.

Chapter Text

“A forest...?” Brass looked around. “...Wait, no, Misanga? ”

“Yep.” Gifft tucked away his list and instead produced a different piece of parchment, a little longer than the last. He began to read over it slowly, staring through the woods toward the Misangan camp.

“Didn’t realize they celebrated Christmas here.” Brass commented, following his small helper through the forest.

“ They don’t. Not traditional Christmas, at least.” Gifft sighed, a little uneasy. “A couple years back this was a pretty quick stop. We’d drop off a few fresh blankets as a courtesy and then be on our merry way.” He continued for a moment in silence, then spoke up again, somewhat quieter. “...That was before she happened.”

“S-She...?” Brass repeated uneasily.

He fell silent again, then slowly turned to face Brass over his shoulder. “ ...Lola. ”

Brass gulped. “Ah great... W-What she do?!”

“Taught them all about how Christmas is done. What kinda traditions take place, and all that.” He sighed. “But, bein’ Lola, she made up the traditions. Took us a while to figure ‘em all out, but we’ve got ‘em written down now.” He flexed the paper in his hands. “Just follow my instructions as best you can and we should be fine.”

“ Lola... ” Brass grumbled, hesitant to find out what lay in store for him up ahead.

“First things first - greet them with “Crunch-a-lunch, it’s time to munch!”. Seriously.” They came to the clearing earlier than expected, causing Gifft to gulp. “...Ah shoot, we’re here. Just take it easy, yeah?”

“W-Wha...?” Brass mumbled, suddenly stepping out into an open space with _tons_ of Misangan people sat around, all staring at them in silence.

“ ...Brass? ” Gifft mumbled quietly but quickly, after a short pause of silence. “ ...Say the line!! ”

Brass gulped. What was that line, again?! It was something so weird and quintessentially Lola that he couldn’t possibly remember it from just hearing it once... Shoot!!

“... BRASS. ” Gifft repeated, getting worried as the Misangans continued to stare.

“U-Uhhh... R-Rubba dub dub, thanks for the grub? ” Brass tried, holding his breath.

The Misangans remained silent for what felt like an eternity ... And then suddenly began to applaud. It started off as a perfect slow clap, as if from a movie or something, and then slowly began to grow and evolve, until it flooded the whole forest like a choir in a beautiful standing ovation. They all clapped... Save for Misango himself, sat at the front of the crowd. After a moment’s pause, he stood up, quieting the whole crowd instantly.

Brass sweat slightly as he looked back at the now standing Misangan chief, who still remained silent. “ ...H-Hey, Misango! ” Brass tried. “ I-It’s me, your ol’ buddy Brass! ...F-From the league...? ”

“Yo, bud...?” Gifft whispered. “ You gotta tell him to show you a trick now. But specify it’s a cool trick and not a lame trick.”

Brass gulped. “A-Alright Misango, I need you to show me a trick. A-A cool one! Not one that’s lame, y-ya hear?!”

Misango nodded, then brought his heads ahead of him, holding them before his chest. He connected his finger and thumb on both hands, creating a perfect chef-kiss ‘Ok’ form on each of them. Then, after a brief pause, he quietly moved his hands - ‘Ok’ intact - to behind his head, and out of view. Then, in one quick swoop over his head, he revealed the loops of his fingers to now be intertwined with that of the other hand. The crowd around gasped in amazement at this incredible feat.

“...Oh brother. ” Brass mumbled. “...A-Alright, very cool! Veryyyy cool.”

“ Doing good! ” Gifft hushed. “Now give him this. ”

Brass quietly moved his hand toward Gifft, who was slyly passing him some sort of small object. One firmly in hand, Brass checked it... And found it to be a pair of dice. “Uhhh...” He looked them over in his hand, then extended them to Misango. “ ...Here ya go!! ”

Misango took them, puffed out his chest, and loudly shouted out into the night. “ JOURNEY. OF. SIXES. ”

The Misangans began to applaud as two of their best monks hurried toward Misango with some sort of flat podium. Once firmly set before him, they hurried away back into the crowd and darkness, and Misango stepped forth with the dice. He shook them in his and and rolled them onto the platform, displaying a one and a three.

“ AGAIN. ” Misango shouted, taking the dice once more in hand. He rolled them and produced a four and a two . “ AGAIN .” He shouted, continuing his rolls.

“...This bit usually takes a while...” Gifft mumbled to Brass. “We tried using weighted dice a couple years back but he could tell there was something wrong with them, so we had to redo it.”

“ Just tell me what the hell I need to do next. ” Brass grunted, still sweating.

“Just-”

The crowd cheered loudly as Misango stood proud before his people, having scored two sixes in a record breaking number of rolls! The two monks from before hurried in and removed the podium, only to then be followed by a monk holding an axe, which he passed gracefully to Brass before hurrying away again.

Brass looked over the finely carved Misangan axe he had been passed. Nice craftsmanship! But just what the hell was it for...?

...His heart dropped as another two Misangans approached, towing behind them a Misangan in chains. They threw the restrained Misangan to the floor between Brass and Misango, and as Brass looked around in horror, Misango nodded. 

“ BRASS. ” Gifft sweat, as loud as he could manage without the risk of being overheard. “ DO NOT SWING THAT AXE!! ”

That was both a relief and not one at the same time. “ Just what the hell do I do, then?! ”

Misango cocked his head, as if unsure why it was taking so long this time.

“ These are Lola’s rules. ” Gifft hushed. “ You need to axe him a question. ”

Brass sighed. That was so Lola. “A-Ah, uh...” He looked down at the man in chains. “ ...Wh-What’s your favourite colour?! ”

The forest fell silent for a moment, then the chained man cheered loudly. “ PINKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!! ”

The crowd went wild, jumping and cheering at the man’s response. Misango himself smiled widely, then bent down and unlocked the man’s chains, freeing him and hugging him dearly like a proud father.

Brass, who hadn’t even realized he had been holding his breath, let out a big sigh of relief as a monk came to take the axe away from him. That was far too stressful. Did Santa really go through this kinda thing every year?!

“Alright, good job!” Gifft smiled, producing a big pink box from out of nowhere. “Just gotta hand ‘em this and we can be outta here. ”

“ Thank Charlie Brown for that. ” Brass nodded, taking the box. “Here ya go, ol’ pal!” He smiled brightly, passing the box to Misango.

Gifft put his fingers together in preparation, but waited a moment to see the reactions of the Misangan people to this year’s present. Misango opened it slowly and carefully, like a grandmother who really wants to save the wrapping paper, but before long he was able to open the box and withdraw the contents.

Misango held aloft the garden gnome above his head for all to see, as cheers and songs of praise rang through the forest once more. The gnome would go on to be placed firmly at the front gate of the Misangan settlement, as welcoming figure to all future guests to come.

Brass wiped a bead of sweat off his forehead and smiled. “Alright, glad we got that one outta the way. Not much more to go, eh?”

“Just two more stops!” Gifft smiled, clicking his fingers.

Chapter Text

“Well,” Gifft began as the snow started to clear. “I wish I could say this was another breather stop after all that, but I’m afraid this one’s always a bit tense. ”

“...Coyle.” Brass nodded, solemnly. He’d recognise the ARMS Lab any day - and he knew she’d be on the list sooner or later. Unless there really was a Naughty List, which she would almost certainly be on. Probably with Lola, actually.

“Yeah, her, but we’re also here for Helix and Springtron. Usually we do the two of them first.”

“Makes enough sense...” Brass mumbled, starting off down the hall toward Helix’s room, now leading Gifft himself rather than the other way round. “It’s... Emptier here than I expected it’d be.”

“Mm. We got real lucky this year with this particular stop.” Gifft nodded. “The whole ARMS Lab has been given time off for the holidays!”

“Really?” Brass asked, surprised. “Doesn’t sound much like something Coyle would allow.”

“You’d be surprised!” Gifft smiled back. “She’s been changing lately. Softening up a bit, you could say. Sure makes our job a heck of a lot easier!”

“Mm...” Brass thought to himself if Coyle really had been changing. He hadn’t seen her around a whole lot lately - something he was always disappointed by - but his interactions with her hadn’t entirely been all that ‘doom and gloom’ when they did meet...

The two of them walked into Helix’s ‘Containment Chamber’, which was really more of a bedroom nowadays. Helix, unsurprisingly, was still awake, and was now slamming up against his glass in intense splendor, giving off a high-pitch shriek only he could make.

“Hiya bud!” Brass grinned. “Check me out, eh? I’m Santa Claus! ” He chuckled heartily.

“Around this time each year Helix always makes this mess in the corner here...” Gifft motioned. The corner of the room, as explained, was covered in gooey Helix-slime. “Claus & I basically consider it to be a Christmas tree, so you can go ahead and drop his present off here.”

“With pleasure!” Brass smiled, really remembering now that joy of being Santa that a few of the past stops hadn’t exactly given him. He took the small green box from Gifft and set it down by the slime. “What’s he gettin’?”

“ Socks that look like sneakers. ” Gifft answered. “And yes, we’re aware he doesn’t really have ‘feet’ . It’s what he wants either way.”

Brass shrugged. “That’s Helix for ya!”

The two left for the hallway again, and Brass delivered a friendly wave as he exited. It was kinda nice to see Helix again! Yeah, he was sticky and occasionally a bit destructive, but he was a good kid once you got to know him.

“‘Tron next, eh?” Brass gulped.

“Yep.” Gifft nodded, once again following Brass down the hall. “According to my notes, he should be offline right now. Charging like Byte & Barq were.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it...” Brass muttered back, cautiously approaching the room Springtron was generally kept in for charging. “He’s usually just on standby...”

He opened the door slowly and crept inside, flicking the lights on in a slow and delicate motion, not wanting to startle the bot. “Hey...? Buddy...?” He began, not really sure if the confirmation that the intruder was him would be a positive or a negative for Springtron.

“His lights are off...” Gifft commented, cautiously, as they approached the metal man strapped to the charging unit in the wall. The usual blue gaze from Springtron’s eyes was completely missing right now, making him look far more like an empty husk than an active robot.

“Still can’t ever be sure. ” Brass mumbled, keeping an eye on him. Could it really be that Coyle felt preoccupied by the holiday enough to switch off Springtron for the time being...? He was known to cause chaos at the most inopportune times for her, after all. Maybe it wasn’t out of the question.

“No tree here.” Gifft spoke as he produced a medium sized black box. “So just leave it in the corner or something, I guess.”

Brass took the box and set it down on the nearby counter. “Do I want to know what Springtron wanted...?”

“Coal.” Gifft shrugged.

“... Ah. ” He couldn’t really disagree with that, in fairness. Springtron rarely did anything nice. “I guess that’s actually a real thing, then?”

“Oh, no - it’s not! ” Gifft glared. “You just about always get what you asked for, and Springtron specifically asked for coal.”

“Wh-Why...?!” Brass stared.

“We think it’s because burning coal kinda leads to the ice caps melting? We think it’s a threat, basically.”

Brass, again, was not surprised. “...W-Well, whatever. Let’s just get outta here before he lights up or somethin’.” He hurriedly made for the door, and passed through it with Gifft in tow - eyes locked on Springtron the entire time, just in case.

...They began on their way down to Coyle’s quarters now, rather surprised they hadn’t already been KO’d by a suddenly awake Springtron as they walked, for the last visit of this stop. 

“So...” Brass sighed. “I’m not really sure how Coyle’s gonna react if she sees me here - ‘specially dressed like this ... You sure she’s asleep?”

“Yeah, probably.” Gifft shrugged. “Doesn’t actually matter if she’s asleep or not, though. She’s not here. ”

“W-Wait, what...?” Brass remarked, dumbfounded, as they reached the door to her office. He carefully opened it and peeked inside... Only to find the place empty.

“Tola ya!” Gifft shrugged. “Our records show she stopped sleeping here - for the most part, at least - some few months ago. She pulls an all-nighter every now and then, and sometimes she crashes for an evening, but about twenty-six outta thirty days she leaves for the night.”

“Right...” Brass mumbled, running his fingertips on Coyle’s desk. “...A-And...” He scratched the back of his head. “When she ain’t here, is she...?” He paused. “...Is she goin’ to stay with someone else , orrrr...?”

“Our records show she sleeps alone in some apartment block somewhere.” Gifft answered, reassuring Brass to no end. “It’s about the same as she did back before, uh, her ‘crazy days ’ started. She even has a cat like she did back then too! It’s the only other livin’ thing sleepin’ by her.”

“Hm...” Brass chimed. He was reassured, but the whole thing seemed intensely surprising too. Could their data truly be accurate? Maybe Coyle really was changing.

“Here ya go.” Gifft produced a small dark green box with a purple ribbon wrapped tightly around it. “You wanna try guessin’ this one? You know her pretty well.”

“ Knew her, maybe...” He smiled, a tinge of sadness on his face. “Back in the day I used ta be the king of gift givin’ when it came to her, but she’s changed so much since the divorce that I doubt I could guess it much good now. I’ve got no idea what I’d get for her, nowadays.”

“Yeah, we saw her tastes change a good few years ago quite... Uh... Dramatically. ” Gifft smiled. “But... They’ve been changing lately, too.”

“Maybe...” Brass sighed, looking solemnly at the small Christmas tree display Coyle had uncharacteristically set up in her office. “Guess I just don’t know her well enough anymore to say either way...”

Gifft gave a small pat on the back to the hulking Santa-substitute. “Sorry you had to come here, Max. We can go when you’re ready.”

He nodded, and quietly set down the present beneath the tree. “...What is she gettin’?”

“Soap.” Gifft shrugged. “Hardly a death ray or time bomb, eh?”

Brass laughed. “ Yeah, I’ll say! ” He gave another small sigh. “...She used to really love soaps. I’d get her a buncha fancy ones - french milled this and coaca rose that, y’know?” He smiled. “She’d go nuts ‘bout this one plumeria typa soap. Said it smelled like wakin’ up with a good night’s sleep.”

“ French-Milled Plumeria Delicate, yeah?” Gifft chimed. “That’s the exact soap we got her.”

“W-Wait, wha-?” Brass blinked. “ That’s what she’s been askin’ for...?!”

“Yep.” He smiled. “Guess she misses the good ol’ days, eh?”

Brass snorted, then gave something of a blush. Maybe she did. Who could really say for sure, eh? “...Alright, let’s finish this up. Can’t be daudlin’ around for too long or Santa’ll wonder where we got to!”

“Sounds good!” Gifft nodded, before clicking his fingers. Tiny snowflakes glittered around his hand for a moment... But nothing seemed to happen.

“...You alright there, pal?” Brass squinted, confused.

“Yeah.” He winked. “Just takin’ care of a lil somethin’ else, is all. Let’s get to this last stop!”

The snowflakes began to whirl around them and pretty soon the room was once again left entirely as it had been moments before - save now for a fancy new green and purple present beneath the tree, signed To Coyle, From Brass .

Chapter Text

“Last stop!” Gifft commented, quietly. He put a finger to his lips and ordered Brass to keep quiet, then clicked his fingers once more.

There, on the other side of the room, lay Kid Cobra - fast asleep in his bed and sleeping sounds. But just ahead of him stood a webcam, that was streaming the entire night.

Reacting to Gifft’s click, snowflakes quietly fluttered around the webcam until they disappeared into the night. “...There.” Gifft smiled, though still somewhat quietly, given Kid Cobra still lay sleeping nearby. “The camera is muted now, so we don’t have to worry about unseen ears listening in.”

“He’s live streaming his sleep...?” Brass mumbled, confused at the modern generation’s bizarre practices.

“It’s a Christmas Eve night’s rest stream , yes. You’d be surprised how many people are actually watching it live.”

“Kids these days...” He sighed, bewildered. “...Alright, gimmie the present.”

Gifft’s smile fell. He quickly checked his list again, hurrying right to the end. “ ...A-Ah... ”

“Somethin’ wrong...?”

“Y-Yeah, uhh...” He flipped the list around, as if checking the back for some additional text, but found none. “...We never managed to secure his gift, I’m afraid. It was due to release on Christmas Day but the preorders were all full by the time we checked the site.”

“ Preorders?? Site?? ” Brass blinked. “I thought you made this stuff at the North Pole!!”

“Wha? No, man! ” Gifft scoffed. “You have any idea how much of this stuff is patented and copyrighted?? Not to mention we don’t have close to enough man power for that.” He put a hand to his hip. “And didn’t I tell you that we had to import Mummy’s cup? Pay more attention! ”

Brass sighed. “Well what the heck are we gonna do for Cobra’s gift, then?!”

Gifft frowned, then looked back at the sleeping snake man. “...I’m afraid he won’t be getting a gift this year, it seems. Poor guy... Only one in the whole wide world, too.”

“H-Huh?!” Brass gasped.

“...A-Anyway, you did great! ” Gifft nodded, trying to look on the brighter side of things. “This was the last stop, so we can return back to Santa now!”

He put his fingers together but Brass smacked his hand away before he could snap. “ Hold yer damn horses!! We are not leavin’ Cobra giftless here.” He huffed, determined to be the best Santa possible. “What was it he wanted?”

“The Sssixteen Twelve Carbon-Trifiber Snakeboarding Snakeboarder Knee Pads. ” Gifft answered, a little peeved by his hand being hit away like that. “But like I said, it’s pretty much impossible for us to get it.”

“Oh yeah? And why’s that?”

He blinked. “ Because we didn’t preorder it? I just said that, like, two seconds ago.”

“Sure, but surely somewhere outta have it in stock still, right?” Brass remarked triumphantly, despite not yet triumphing in any way.

Gifft paused for a second, then sighed and put his palm to his face. “Those knee pads are in super high demand, so I really doubt we’ll find them... But fine, if you really wanna give it a try, we can give it a try. Yeesh... ”

With a click of his fingers, they disappeared once more into the night, reappearing before a massive Snakers R Yous store that was thankfully still open. “Ah!” Brass grinned widely. “Let’s see what the sitch’ is!”

“ Sitch...? ” Gifft remarked, looking disgusted.

“It’s short for ‘situation’. All the kids are sayin’ it right now.”

“They aren’t.”

“ Yes they are. ” Brass grumbled, reassuring himself that he was still hip, as he entered into the store.

A young cashier stood at the counter inside, drumming his fingertips on its surface as he counted down the minutes to the nearing end of his shift. His eyes darted toward the door for a moment as Brass and Gifft entered, causing his expression to briefly change to one of startled, merely at the sight of any customers at all at this hour, before quickly returning back to a familiar apathetic and empty stare again once he realized he didn’t really care whether the remainder of his shift involved actual customer interaction or just silent disassociation. Such was the life of a retail worker.

“HELLO THERE!” Bellowed Brass happily, keenly aware that he was wearing Santa’s coat. “Or should I say... HO, HO, H- ”

“Yeah yeah.” The cashier sighed, rolling his eyes. “You guys aren’t here for knee pads are ya?”

Brass stopped dead in his tracks. “Uh-”

“...Because we’re fresh out.”

The Christmas cheer instantly flushed out of Brass’s whole body - he could have fallen flat on the floor then and there from that baseball bat of a line. “...W-Well... Th-Thanks anyway...” He slumped his way back out, feeling thoroughly defeated.

“Whelp.” Gifft shrugged, walking back into the cold, having enjoyed his three seconds or warm and freakishly clinical retail store heat. “At least we tried, ey?”

“...Next store.” Brass mumbled.

“...” Gifft bit his lip, annoyed. “... Really? ”

“ Yes really. ” He pouted, standing up straight. “That was one lousy store! We ain’t even close to calling it quits.”

With a very audible sigh, Gifft clicked them over to the next available store.

...And then the next.

And the one after that. And the one after that.

Within a couple hours they went through over forty stores. And not one of them had Kid Cobra’s most wanted gift in stock. Things were looking pretty dire, to say the least.

“This is crazy. ” Brass grunted, taking a seat on a nearby bench for a much needed break. “How the heck so knee pads sell out so quick?!”

“I know, right?” Gifft agreed. “It’s not like it’s a hit new Katy Perry album. You really wouldn’t think it’d be so popular.”

Brass put his face in his hands and took a moment to reflect.

“...Ready to call it quits, big man?” Gifft urged.

“ No. ”

“Brass...” He grumbled quietly. “...Look. How about we get Kid Cobra something else? I’m sure there’s tons of things he’d love!” He pulled out a flyer from his mysterious invisible document storage bag or whatever and gave it a look over. “He’s really into video games, right? How about we pick him up a game? Looks like Pokemon: Sword and Pokemon: Shield just came out. Or maybe Death Stranding? ” He flicked the flyer over to the other side. “Oh! ARMS 3: Lola’s Big Day just came out too.”

“It did...?” Brass remarked. “I thought they cancelled that one.”

“Nah, they cancelled ARMS 2: This Time With a Story Mode. I guess they wanted to skip right to the third installment?”

Brass took another big sigh. “...One more store. I wanna visit one more store for these damn knee pads.”

“...”

“ It’s Christmas. ” He continued, displeased with Gifft’s peeved expression. “It’s the least we can do for Kid Cobra.”

“...Fine. One more.” He grumbled, clicking his fingers.

...............

............

.........

......

...

“ BUT YOU GOTTA HAVE IT! ” Brass cried, hunched over the counter in disbelief.

“Sorry bud.” The cashier shrugged. “We just sold our last set.”

Brass let out a heavy grunt, which eventually simmered down into something of a deflated whistle as he fell limp over the counter.

“C’mon, Brass. We gotta know when to give in.” Gifft urged, patting Brass on his back.

“...” Brass paused for a moment, then shot up straight and leaned in toward the cashier. “ To who? ”

“E-Excuse me...?” He blinked.

“ Who did you sell the last set to?!”

The cashier turned slightly, looking over to the store’s automatic doors, which were just closing. Without another word, Brass dashed over and practically tore them apart - as waiting for them to slide open again would simply have taken too long.

Gifft hurried after him. “B-Brass, wait!”

He caught up quickly to the previous customer, slapped a hand down on his shoulder firmly, and turned him around to face him. “H-HEY!” He grunted. “DID YOU BUY THE LAST SETA’ KNEE PADS JUST NOW?!”

The man stumbled a bit before regaining his footing, bewildered at the sudden intrusion. “Wh-Who the hell are you?! ”

Brass stood tall and proud. “ I’m Santa Claus! ”

“...You aren’t. ” Gifft corrected.

“...Well, I’m being Santa Claus for tonight!! Same thing.” He shrugged, a proud smug on his face. “ And I’m ARMS League superstar and former League Champion Mas Brass. ” He grinned widely, then waved a hand around, blushing slightly. “Please - no autographs!~ ”

“Never hearda ya’.” The man grumbled, turning around again to continue on his way.

Brass blinked, shocked at such an unbelievable response. He then launched forward and turned the man around again. “L-Look, I need those knee pads!!”

“Yeah? Well so do I, bud.” The man glared.

“Wh-What?!” He looked the man up and down. He seemed scrawny and meek - something of a business man most likely, probably somewhere in his late forties, around 120lb soaking wet, and was definitely starting to bald. Hardly the picture of a legendary snakeboarder. “Why the hell would you need these knee pads?! Your knees hurt when you kneel to use the filin’ cabinet or somethin’?!”

“ They’re for my son. ” He grumped back. “He’s a snakeboarder.”

“W-Well these are super high-end knee pads - surely yer youngin’ would be fine with some basic ones, right? I-I know the other kids at the snakepark would be impressed with the more expensive stuff, but they ain’t gotta be pricey to be practical, right?”

He rolled his eyes. “My son isn’t some rookie hanging at the park after school, pal. He’s a world-class snakeboarder. The pads below these ones? He already has ‘em. These are the only ones better out on the market.”

“W-Well I’m tryin’ to buy for a snakeboarder superstar too!” Brass pleaded. “M-My guy, he’s really the best around an-” He blinked, stopping dead in his tracks. Could they be shopping for the same person here...? Could this be Kid Cobra’s father?!

“...Are we done here, bud? I gotta get goin’.” The man impatiently tapped his foot.

“ W-Wait! ” He began again. “Your son... Is he a big streamer? ”

“...You mean that live streaming stuff online?” He clarified, raising an eyebrow. “Well yes, actually. Do you know of him?”

“I-I might!” Brass grinned. If Kid Cobra was going to get his knee pads from his father anyway, then there’d really be no need to plead with this guy! “A-Alright friend, I’m sorry to have bothered ya...” He gave a major sigh of relief. “Y-You have a nice Christmas now, y’here?”

“...Sure.” The man slowly turned again and began to head off. “You too.”

“Oh, a-and-!” Brass smiled as he walked away. “ Say hey to Kid Cobra for me! ”

“ Who? ” The man questioned, starting to head away. “Is that one of Joey’s friends?”

Brass, now a confused look on his face, watched as the man gained distance into the snowy night. Joey...? But that wasn’t Kid Cobra’s name... Was it? He wasn’t entirely sure what Kid Cobra’s name was, but he was pretty sure it wasn’t Joey. It didn’t fit him, at least.

But the name was familiar - as if he’d heard it somewhere before, and in some meaningful way at that! In fact, as bet he could remember, he was pretty sure it was Kid Cobra that mentioned it. He couldn’t remember the context at all, but it could have been him bringing up his own name...? Hm.

“Alright Brass, we done here?” Gifft nudged, pulling at Brass’s Santa coat for his attention.

“...Hm? Oh, yeah, I guess we-”

...It hit him. All at once, like a ton of bricks falling from the sky, or a big log falling off the back of a truck on the highway like in those Final Destination movies.

Kid Cobra had scorned that name - he had hated the man behind it with a searing passion. “Joey ‘ The Mongoose ’ Mungus!”, he had said. It was his rival streamer/snakeboarder. His most hated of all adversaries! ...And Brass had just let his father leave with the only brand new knee caps this side of the galaxy.

”...Brass?” Gifft squeaked, concerned.

Without a moment’s hesitation, Brass dashed off into the snow. A man on a mission.

.........

......

...

“...There!” Brass smiled, placing the freshly wrapped gift under the small make-shift tree on Kid Cobra’s desk. “Now that is how you Santa!”

“ You threw a man into a river. ” Gifft glared. “In the freezing cold. On Christmas. After robbing him. ”

“It was that or check another sixty stores!” Brass shrugged, pleased with himself.

With some grumbling, Gifft clicked his fingers. They were done.

Chapter Text

Brass and Gifft reappeared before the very doors they had left at the start of all this - the door to Brass’s penthouse, where they had left Santa to rest and relax.

“ We did it! ” Brass grinned giddily. “ I saved Christmas!! ”

“I guess.” Gifft shrugged, tired from all the lunacy.

They entered into the penthouse, glad to be back in the warmth, and called out for Santa. “ Over here, boys! ” He called back.

Brass turned the corner. “S-Santa...?” He blinked. “You’re usin’ the hot tub, eh?”

“Quite right!” Santa smiled back, his arms outstretched on the back of the jacuzzi as the bubbles whirred. “You boys want to join me? The water’s great! ” He took a sip of champagne from the fancy glass he held in one hand.

“...N-Nah, I’m good for now.” Brass shrugged, though admittedly a little tempted.

“So - how’d it go? ” Santa smiled, eager to hear.

“ We got ‘em all! ” He grinned, ear-to-ear, with a hearty laugh. “Was no sweat at all!”

Gifft looked at him tiredly, but simply couldn’t be bothered to correct him. “...Yeah, all according to plan... No sweat.”

“Well that’s delightful to hear!” Santa smiled back.

“All in a night’s work.” Brass smirked pridefully.

“Well, not quite, eh?” Santa chuckled.

...A stillness fell into the air. “...What do you mean?”

“Oh? Have you not noticed, Max?” Santa questioned. “ It’s February 19th. ”

His jaw slammed to the floor, causing the whole building to shake. “ WH-WHAT?! JUST HOW THE HELL IS THAT POSSIBLE??” Could he really have taken two and a half months longer than intended...?

“I’m afraid it’s so, Max.” Santa sighed, taking another sip of his champaign. “But don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s mostly the fault of the fanfic writer - he was the one who took so long to finish writing this fic, after all.”

Brass put a hand to his face and- wait, excuse me?

“You heard me right. Couldn’t finish a silly little fic like this in a timely manner? Quite embarrassing.”

?! I’ve been busy, thanks. I’ve got other stuff to do - I can’t just write fanfics all day, as fun as that’d be!

“Sure.” Santa nodded. “But two and a half months? Really? ”

Yeah, but-

“It’s a Christmas fic. Christmas has been over for months. ”

I know, and that’s a shame but-

“You haven’t finished 2019’s Halloween fic either!”

I said I’ve been busy!

“Does watching all of Xiaolin Showdown really count as ‘busy’? I know it’s a good show, but that’s something like fifty episodes.”

...Brass?

“...Huh?” Brass mumbled, snapping back to his senses. “Uhhh, yeah, stop bein’ so hard on the guy! Writings tough when you’re not in the right headspace an’ all.”

Thank you.

“ Ugh. ” Gifft grumbled. “This is too meta - can we just end the fic now? ” He said in a stupid way, fitting of how stupid a character he is. “. ..H-Hey! ”

It’s your que, dude.

“...Oh! Right. ” Gifft produced a small wrapped present from out of nowhere. “Well, last gift is for you, Brass. We hope it’ll make your Christmas just as much as you made everyone else’s.”

Brass took it with stars in his eyes. “G-Gee, thanks!!” He smiled softly as he began to unwrap it. What he finally unveiled really - truly - made all of his effort worthwhile.

...Within the box was a Stretch Armstrong toy designed to look like The Commish himself. Yes, that’s right: it was a Max Brass Stretch ARMstrong.

“This is AMAZING!!” Brass giddly grinned as he pulled at the stretchy ARMS of his smaller shelf. “ I LOVE IT! ”

“ Ho ho ho! ” Santa chuckled. “Come on, boys! Let’s all enjoy the tub.”

“...Ah, what the hey! ” Brass smiled, stripping down and hopping in to join him.

Gifft shrugged. “Might as well.” He, too, made his way into the tub.

And that, friends and friends of friends, was the story of how Max Brass saved Christmas for all his ARMS League pals (...and also Master Mummy’s family). As they say in wherever ARMS is set,

The End.