Chapter Text
It was Christmas, a season awaited by many people all around the world. It wasn’t any different for Izumi, who had spent almost all autumn season searching for presents and gifts to make to all his friends who had helped him so much during those hard, depressing years. Snow was abundant in the streets, it was cold, and it smelled like ash – the fireplaces were being used in almost all houses that created the many streets of the city in which they lived.
It could have been a happy season for him, but there wasn’t any further meaning than meeting up with friends for Izumi. Seeing them being happy while he wasn’t was healing, just like any other situation during the whole year in which they drank their cups of whatever alcoholic drinks those were, while he was sitting on a chair with a glass of water waiting until the hour in which he would have to drive them home. He was as simple as that – even the dirtiest, saddest job was alright if it was because of his friends, after all. And he hated to admit that, but this particular year, he had made so many of them, he simply couldn’t wait until Christmas day.
The biggest issue was his parents. While they had been suffering because of health problems and had been to the hospital several times, Izumi had nothing to do but to stress over this and to feel like a new era in his life was about to start. And he didn’t want to put himself in the worst case scenario, but… People weren’t forever. He was pretty much aware of that, and there was nothing that could be done. Leo had told him once or twice that they would get better, but he knew he only said that to put him at ease. A vague idea of what calmness was crossed his mind whenever he heard Leo say things he wanted to hear, and although he loved him so much, he sometimes wished he would be brave enough to tell him the truth, to make him fall from the cloud he had been sitting on all this time.
Izumi dropped his bags to the floor in the entrance, and got his keys out before opening the door that led to his flat. Despite having been a famous model that was paid quite a high amount of money, he had donated a big part of his savings to animal shelters, especially the ones that took care of cats. He had decided he wanted to keep his life as a normal human being, as a normal adult, ignoring his fame and living peacefully until he was old – but the reality was that he only got more and more popular and people also recognized him in his youtuber friends’ videos, when he was invited to record with them, such as Arashi and Ritsu. It was annoying, for sure, but it was also fun to have such a loyal fanbase… Even though so many of them believed the rumors and the whole scandal that took place some time ago.
As he opened the door, he noticed the light was already turned on. Right. That motherfucker was somewhere in there, wasn’t he.
Once he put the grocery bags in the kitchen, he examined the sofa – there was no trace of anyone sitting there before. That was quite the strange thing, since everytime Leo got into his house he would find him lying on the sofa as French ladies were painted. He frowned, and headed to his room. He should be there, since the door was shut and Izumi always left it opened.
And he was right. As soon as he opened it – oh.
He saw the figure of a sleeping Leo sitting down on his bed, eyes shut, lips half opened, in such a position that Izumi’s neck hurt as well by only watching. Leo was wearing a black… tuxedo? Why was he wearing a tuxedo? And why, on top of all things, was he holding a bouquet of red roses? It was Christmas, not Saint Valentines, dammit. What about poinsettias? Those were more appropriate for Christmas. Leo was an idiot, wasn’t he.
His hair wasn’t tied up as it always was, and his bangs fell on top of his face like a curtain. It would be a shame to wake him up, but Izumi needed to know what on Earth was happening, and how he got his hands on key copies. Because he refused to believe Leo had climbed up to his flat in a tuxedo.
He bent his knees to squat in front of Leo, placing his elbows on the other young man’s legs. Watching Leo sleep was always healing and somehow calming, even though he was the contrary opposite when he was awake. It was one of the few times Izumi was able to appreciate every little detail on his face. He was kind of envious of his skin, it always looked perfect, even when he didn’t seem to take care of it properly… His lips were thin and were able to create the most heartwarming smile his eyes had ever seen, and yet, he only used it to talk nonsense. Not that Izumi would complain about it, anyways, since everyone else seemed to only talk about sensical things…
Ah, he wanted to kiss him.
“Leo-kun. Wake up,” he said as he pinched Leo’s forehead with his index finger, trying to make him open his green eyes. “It’s late, but it’s not the time to sleep. Wake uuuup.”
The ginger soon showed signs of being alive, opening his eyelids slowly and blinking a couple of times, before staring at Izumi’s face for some seconds. “Oh, Sena. You.”
“Me,” he nodded, crossing his arms, still on Leo’s legs. “What are you doing here? In a tuxedo, with flowers, on top of all.”
“I—” Leo suddenly went on shock and fixated his sight in a blind point on the wall in front of him. “… No!! This can’t be!”
He got up real quick, almost making Izumi fall on his butt on the floor, and dropping the bouquet there to put his hands on his head, almost ruining his hair.
“Hey, calm down. What on Earth has gotten into you?” Izumi asked, getting up once he picked the bouquet up. It would be sad if it got damaged for whatever reason. “You could’ve just let me know if you were staying to have dinner and to sleep, by the way.”
Leo shook his head, taking his bouquet away from Izumi’s hand. His face was as red as the flowers he held and his gestures were really, really nervous. “T-that’s not it! Aaargh, I really did ruin it, huh…”
“Ruin what?” Izumi frowned, already confused by Leo’s behaviour.
“I— Forget it,” Leo sighed with a sad expression, looking right after at the bouquet. “Damn, I even tried to work seriously on this…!”
“Leo-kun, just what were you trying to do?” Izumi took a step closer, so he would stop looking down at the red roses. “Were you trying to surprise me or something?”
Leo gulped and looked away once that question was made by the other young man, squeezing the bouquet a bit between his hands. “Uhm, I… That was what I intended. But I stayed up veeery late yesterday, so I guess I… fell asleep! Wahaha!” And he scratched the back of his neck, still not looking directly at him. He felt like he had done everything for absolutely nothing. “But it’s okay, I’m just being a clown here. I probably should be in my pajamas already!”
“No— Hey, tell me what all this what about. It’s amusing, you know,” he said, as he shamelessly looked at Leo’s image, up and down. “To see you in a tuxedo. I thought you would become ash if you ever tried something like that on.”
“Hey! Actually, I’ve worn them quite a lot, hm? I’m a businessman,” and again, Leo tried to get his little ego back with this. “And… about that. Really, forget it. Just…”
He extended his arms while holding the bouquet of red roses until it touched Izumi’s chest, who looked completely puzzled by Leo’s actions. Ah, he was acting like a teenager, but maybe that wasn’t too bad… It was cute, whatever what was happening in his head.
“Here. Take them,” he insisted, to what Izumi laughed a bit, since he had already held the flowers before but they were taken away by Leo himself. “Don’t laugh at me!”
“I’m not laughing at you.” Izumi shook his head, and then doubted for some short seconds. “Well, maybe I am, but it’s not with ill intentions. Those are pretty, but I’ve told you a thousand times I don’t have any room left to put them. My house is turning into a jungle at this point.”
Leo pressed his lips against each other before complaining again and whining like a kid. “Then buy a new house!”
Izumi blinked and stayed silent to that suggestion, squeezing the gift between his arms a bit more while looking at Leo, expecting him to add something more, since he seemed so eager to keep whining.
“Buy a new house that’s bigger, bigger for the two of us and— Buy a new bed, a new sofa, isn’t this flat depressing? On top of all it’s designed for lonely people! There’s no way more than one person could live here, I don’t get it! It’s so small, no inspiration is getting into me, it never does when I’m here, and I believe—” He took a short breath to continue. “I believe you aren’t happy either, Sena. Don’t you feel like you live inside a shell?”
The grey haired young man blinked again and took his time to reply. “Are you saying all this because you want me to actually feel comfortable or because you want to live with me?”
Leo’s mind went completely blank, and his face went even more red after that question. To that reaction, Izumi’s cheeks turned pink, since the reply was more than obvious. He hated the situation, but it was actually… cute to think Leo wanted such a thing. They weren’t even boyfriends, after all… Then, why live together? The main reason he didn’t want to date Leo was the possible rumors that could break now only himself but also Leo, and he remembered that time when he fainted by only thinking about it and having an emotional breakdown.
He looked away before closing his eyes. “Well. We still can’t live together, we’re not even boyfriends.”
Leo’s blush disappeared as soon as he heard those doomed words, again. Once more. “Because you think I am as weak as I seemed back then. There’s no other reason for you to neglect me, Sena. I’ve been thinking about that too,” he made a point, lowering his head. “It’s okay to not be prepared for a relationship, but… You are. You just think I’m not able to go through criticism.”
“That’s— That’s not it. Leo-kun, you don’t—”
“Yes, I do.” He raised his chin again, squinting. “And I’ve had enough of that bullshit already, you know?”
As soon as he said that, Izumi looked down to the roses, sighing. “Then, you can have them back. If you’re gonna get angry at me, I don’t want to make it worse.”
“No, those are yours.”
“But why?” Izumi stressed on the last word, frowning. He didn’t understand Leo at all. If he was going to go hard on him that way, why was he still giving him flowers and treating him with a cotton coat? Why would he be so nice if he was angry at him?
Leo got closer to him and placed his hands on Izumi’s, feeling how warm they were in comparison to his, so they were holding the gift between the two of them. He raised his look to Izumi’s confused eyes, and whispered. “Because I love you with every single part of my body and mind. I’m not going to take away from you anything that I give you, because it wouldn’t be fair.”
“So you won’t because you don’t think it’s fair,” Izumi said in a rather tired tone of voice. “The concept was romantic but your wording was terrible.”
“Huh? And what are you going to do, Sena? Correct me, put it in better words?”
“Yup. You could’ve just erased the last part and leave it in that last ‘you’.”
“Which part?” Leo smiled playfully. He was getting an unexpected treat, and he was glad Izumi wasn’t noticing at all. He would regret later, but who cared?
“Geez. The whole ‘Because I love you with every single part of my body and mind. I’m not going to take away from you anything that I give you’. That on—Wait. No!” he screamed, face all red. “You bastard!”
“Oooh, you’re so romantic, Sena! Never thought I would hear such genuine words from your mouth!” Leo laughed, putting his hands on his stomach. “Repeat it, I didn’t hear properly!”
“I will kill you,” Izumi threatened him, frowning even more than before. Putting the bouquet on the bed, he pointed at him with one of his index fingers. “I can do it better than you, in fact, but since we’re not boyfriends, I refuse to write you a poem or anything!”
Leo got closer to him and wrapped his hands around his neck, putting them on his shoulders. “Aha. Coward.”
As Izumi furrowed, he realized it was probably not worth it to fight against Leo in any way, and absolutely not when he had brought flowers and… himself. In a tuxedo. The mere thought of how he would have struggled to come to his house in such an unusual thing made him laugh inside, but thankfully his face didn’t tell that at all. Instead, he let his forehead rest against Leo’s, still furrowing. “That might just be me.”
“Oh, you’re so sure about me being right. That you are a coward is something I can see, but maybe I’m wrong! Don’t surrender now, Sena, I thought you were playful!” Leo complained with a childish tone of voice, half smiling.
“I probably was when I wasn’t how I am now. And I lost my virginity,” he replied, bluntly.
“Sorry for the loss!” Leo exclaimed, not caring at all about the other man’s comments. He separated from him and slapped his two cheeks with both of his hands slightly, as if trying to wake Izumi up. “If you work hard enough, you might get it back.”
“Getting it back would be even sadder, especially when I already erased those memories from my mind. Can’t even remember who it was,” Izumi sighed, shaking his head once his face was touched like that. “Oh, by the way. Now you’re here, you could help me with the Christmas party preparations.”
“The what? I can’t hear you!” He had covered his ears playfully, swinging his body from right to left, as a palm tree being hit by the wind. “I can only hear party!”
“You are such a selective human being. Well, at least we’re sure that you are human,” Izumi shook his head once again, crossing his arms as he went to the kitchen. There was food he had prepared and needed to get everything done before the hour the rest would come to his house. “It’s a pity.”
“A pity?”
“I wanted to kiss you but you don’t deserve it now,” he told Leo, with a melodic touch in his voice. “You piss me off~”
“I… what?!” Leo asked full of offense, taking big and noisy steps to get closer to where Izumi was, arms lifted with anger. “Me? Me?! I deserve all your kisses! Open the kitchen! I’ll kick your butt!”
“Precisely because you will I won’t open it,” he heard him say from inside the room. “Dress the table, turn the TV on, do something. I’ll get the food prepared.”
“Sena, you… You poop! You shitty boyfriend! You bastard husband!” Leo hit the door with both of his fists, but not really wanting to take it down. Because if that was the case, the door would have actually been broken right after.
“I’m none of those.”
“Yet! You will see! You will fall earlier than you think!” Leo yelled, as a slight and kind of sad smile appeared in Izumi’s face.
* * * *
“Helloooo… Good night~” Ritsu’s voice sounded from behind the door while Leo opened it, Arashi also peeking before it was completely accessible.
“My, my. Leo-san, if you aren’t wearing Izumi-chan’s clothes…?” she said, as she covered her lips in shock. “How do they even look so good on you?”
“Well, there was an… accident! And this is how I ended up!” Leo shrugged, and invited them to come inside Izumi’s flat, scratching the back of his neck. “We’re not so different in sizes though…”
“Secchan’s chest is wider than yours, though,” Ritsu commented, as he carried a whole bag that seemed to carry food into the living room. “Secchan! Where are we having dinner?”
“Everyone here is so sure about Izumi-chan’s chest size, huh…” Arashi sighed, then looking at Ritsu. Wow, she had never heard him call for Izumi with such a loud voice. “Hey, did you drink caffeine or something, Ritsu-chan? You’re so energetic today.”
“I just get drunk before drinking. That’s my special skill,” Ritsu smiled slyly, putting a hand on her shoulder. “Last time you didn’t drink, Nacchan, you should do now.”
“I planned to… In New Years.” She looked away, feeling a bit awkward. Leo noticed this quite quickly, squinting briefly at Arashi’s gestures.
There had to be a deeper reasoning underneath the shyness. Arashi wasn’t like that, and he knew by only watching her from afar. Leo had a bad feeling from then onwards, but tried as well as he could to hide it from his friends, as Christmas was supposed to be a happy, merry holiday. He had prepared gifts, he had cooked for his friends too even if it was just a bit, and they also were going to put the unwanted Christmas tree in Izumi’s house, what could go wrong? Couldn’t they spend a whole night without crying or worrying about troublesome things?
But perhaps Arashi’s problem wasn’t just a troublesome thing, but her feelings. Leo was fully aware of the things one could say or do while drunk, that was a given…
“Alright then, we’re almost ready… Where is Kasa-kun?” Izumi asked, to what the other three looked at each other, in silence, not knowing the reply to the question.
* * * *
“Are you sure about this?” he asked, holding the present box while blinking slowly. “Is this for real? Are you sick?”
“Accept it and shut up, Tsukasa.” Tori crossed his arms, looking away while frowning. “Just say you didn’t prepare anything for me and go! I don’t care, okay! Not even a bit! I wasn’t expecting anything from you anyways, an ungrateful and irritating product of traditional thinking and business. Whatever!”
Tsukasa felt the cold hitting his expressionless face, raising his look to meet with Tori’s figure at the entrance gates of his own mansion. Well, it was smaller than Tori’s, but it wasn’t tiny either, that was for sure. And they were lucky he had some streetlights in the garden, otherwise it would be impossible to see a thing, since Tsukasa was ready to go to his friends’ party and there was no one else in the house but multiple anti-robbery alarms.
“Is it okay if I open it now?” he asked, still holding the box with both of his hands and looking at the shorter young man.
“I don’t care about what you do! Go ahead, it’s not even that special, I was just thinking— Since we are colleagues, and we knew each other since little but never got to properly talk and everything, that—”
“Oh. This looks nice,” Tsukasa said, as he dragged a long and soft scarf from the inside of the box. It was the classical type, but the colors reminded him a lot of the inside of his house – wine red, purple, indigo, reddish brown, a colder brown, and black. It was as if the house was only designed after he was born, just to match with his own physical appearance. “It’s quality fabric. Good.”
“You materialistic b—”
“I’m thankful, Tori-kun,” he interrupted the pink haired young man. Despite being quite polite and assertive around people who were older than him and even younger, he took the liberty of being more like that same bratty kid who dared tell his parents he knew what he was doing, right before falling into a pile of dirt. “For the present. I… didn’t expect you would give me anything so I didn’t prepare anything. I’m sorry.”
“Huh? What are you so formal for?” Tori shook his hand, still not looking at him. Nervousness? Embarrassment? “I just happened to come across it and thought it would be perfect for my public image.”
“… This isn’t about your public image, though. It’s between you and me.”
That last sentence, somehow, made Tori’s face go all red, and also tempted to push Tsukasa downstairs. Homicide wasn’t an option, but he felt so… angry? He was mad, he was mad at Tsukasa for acting so natural. He could have just used that bratty and mean face he always used with him when they were arguing, but he chose to be polite instead. Why? Was that his new weapon?
“What part of I don’t care do you not understand, Tsukasa?”
“The part where you try to act though, Tori-kun, after doing something as soft-hearted as giving someone a present even though you knew I wasn’t going to give you anything.”
Tori finally looked at him with wide eyes, holding his bag against his chest with his crossed arms, squeezing it even harder, lips half opened.
“Aren’t you going to say anything?” Tsukasa asked him, raising both of his eyebrows. “Fine then. I’m late to a Christmas party, so if you’d excuse me.”
Tsukasa dropped the box inside one of the bins he had in the entrance of his house, before covering his neck with the new scarf, leaving Tori upstairs, unable to say any more mean things. It wasn’t until the car door closed that he was able to react, putting a hand on the mansion’s walls and looking at the floor.
“… I was actually expecting something, you know, Tsukasa,” he whispered, closing his eyes and squeezing the bag with his free arm once again, harder, as his cheek became bright red.
* * * *
“Excuse me for being late, my friends,” he said, as he was invited into the house. Leo squinted at him.
“You’re so quick to call us friends, when you took five years to consider me as your friend!” he pointed at Tsukasa with his index finger, looking offended. But Tsukasa’s expression went blank seeing Leo’s face, ignoring him completely, and went inside. “Huh?! Hey, brat, don’t ignore me! I’ve given you life, right? Don’t ignore meee!”
He was acting like a kid, probably. But it was obvious even to him that Tsukasa had business to fix with him, and he didn’t know what it was…
Once the table was ready, everyone sat down but Izumi. He was still wearing his apron and serving the food, bringing the drinks, changing the TV channel because whatever that was airing was shitty, and a long list of things he should stop doing to sit with them. But the grey haired young man had his eyes fixated on the youngest of the people that gathered there.
He might be dumb, but he wasn’t senseless. Pretty much everyone in the house knew something was going on, but no one dared say a word.
“Tsukasa-chan, your scarf is new, right?” Arashi asked, while munching on food, covering her lips with her left hand. “Oh, those are delicious. Izumi-chan, you’re as good as ever in the kitchen.”
“It is, indeed. It was given to me right before I came here, and that’s why I was pretty late. I apologize,” Tsukasa replied, bowing down a bit with his head.
“Oh, no! It’s okay, don’t be sorry at all. We were all very excited to see you. Right?” And she looked at Leo, who had around three shrimps inside his mouth, being devoured.
“… Hmpf.” And that was all the ginger replied, before grabbing the coke bottle.
“Hey, no, no, no! Use the glass! Don’t drink from the bottle!” Izumi snatched the bottle from his hands, before taking said object and filling it with the drink. “You rude child. Have some manners and don’t much food as if you were about to spit it out.”
Leo gulped with the liquid, and let out a long sigh. “I’m sorry, they’re really good so I couldn’t help but fill my mouth with them!”
“That my cooking is good doesn’t give you the right to be disgusting around the table, you know,” Izumi moved a fork in the air, before reaching out to some food so he could put it inside his own mouth.
“And that’s enough of you too, Secchan, are you going to eat standing up? That empty chair feels lonely, actually,” Ritsu added his word to the conversation, drinking some wine from the cup. “It’s not like your ass is going to get fatter if you sit down.”
“Ritsu-san, please don’t finish the wine bottle before midnight,” Tsukasa asked him, almost shocked by the amount that he had already drunk.
“Worry not, my dear son,” Ritsu replied, sitting comfortably on the chair, as if he was at the beach, while moving the wine inside the cup elegantly. “I can resist alcohol better than anyone here~”
“What’s that ‘dear son’… I’m the son of my family, not yours,” the youngest said, grabbing a snack from a little plate.
“Kasa-kun, you’re eating too many snacks. There’s actual food over there, you know.”
“It’s—It’s fine, I know,” he replied to Izumi, blushing slightly. “I… am just weak to snacks. I’m not able to have these too often but they’re a passion of mine.”
“That’s a lie, though,” Leo said, moving his index finger in the air while pointing at Tsukasa. “You used to sit in that chair and write a lot and sometimes hit that keyboard while you ate shrimp flavored chips.”
“Oh, those are good,” Izumi commented.
“Shut up, Jesus Christ!” Tsukasa exclaimed. He had a reputation, no one could find out about the fact that he liked gaming and that he did it pretty often.
“Why are you telling the guy to shut up in his birthday? I’m sorry, Jesus!” Leo shouted, moving his hands in the air as if he was talking to the heavens. “May you rest in peace, I hope you get lotsa gifts!”
“Ufufun. Leo-san, be careful, you will hit your cup and spill the coke on the table… It would be a pity if all this got wet.” Arashi put a hand on Leo’s shoulder, but before she could massage him a bit, the ginger got up and pushed the chair behind him.
“Whatever, I’m not hungry now, so I will start with the Christmas tree!” he said, as he ran to the other corner of the living room. He heard Izumi sighing, coming with another plate of snacks.
“Be careful not to hit anything while figuring out how to put it,” he asked, but deep inside, he knew Leo was just going to do as he pleased.
Izumi finally sat down, table in front of him. And since his original chair was a bit more distant to the rest, he decided to occupy Leo’s instead, next to Arashi, who smiled at him while holding a shrimp with her fork in the air.
“Here, Izumi-chan. Say ‘aaah~’,” she told him, raising the fork to his mouth. Izumi frowned and said nothing, but opened his mouth. Whatever, she was just as playful as she had always been and that was it.
But Leo frowned.
It didn’t take long before Ritsu got up from the table to walk towards the struggling Leo, finding him not knowing how to put the branches of the tree in their place. He squat down and put the cup on the table so he could be of help, as close as to touch his shoulder with his own.
“Hey, Tsukippi. Is everything alright? You’re making a scary face,” Ritsu asked him finally, a bit worried about his friend’s state.
“I’m fine. This tree is driving me nuts, you know?” he lied, frowning even more as he separated the plastic branches aggressively. “Why did we agree to put this shit here, though…”
“You’re sulking sooo much it’s worrying.” He tried to help him taking another branch, separating it calmly. “We wanted to put a tree in Secchan’s house to bring his Christmas spirit back. When he was a kid, his house used to be full of decorations and Christmas carols were playing on loop. His parents love Christmas, you know.”
Leo stayed silent as Ritsu spoke, trying to connect that information with anything. But he kept hearing Arashi feeding Izumi, and it was driving him mad. Just… he wanted to block those thoughts, he couldn’t be like this in such an important holiday, he should be happy, right?
“I want him to feel less lonely,” Ritsu concluded, smiling slightly.
“He’s not alone,” Leo complained. “I… I’m here. Am I just not enough to make him feel accompanied, though? I thought I…”
“Tsukippi, are you jealous?”
Leo’s cheek turned a bright pink as he put the branch with a blue mark in the blue row of them, where it should go. Eventually, his eyebrows would become one, after frowning so much… But he didn’t answer for some minutes in which Ritsu understood he might not want to say yes. He knew how Leo was feeling if it was jealousy, he had those emotions as well back then when he wasn’t dating Mao yet… He remebered being nights asking himself if Mao had grown tired of him, if he simply didn’t return his feelings, and doubted himself and his own prepared love confession for weeks. It was just a matter of time he confessed, but he didn’t have it easy, and he knew Leo had already confessed.
Ah, he was… so mad at Izumi. But there was no point in pressing him to do something he didn’t want to… But he wanted to! He knew Izumi wanted to date Leo, he himself told Ritsu even if not directly. Izumi’s fears and demons would prevent him from finally accepting Leo’s love, though, and it was frustrating for him to watch, so he didn’t want to even imagine how the ginger would be feeling.
“I… don’t understand it.”
Ritsu raised his look to Leo’s face, who had his head lowered to look at the branch between his fingers.
“If I ever wanted to be half of how cheesy she is… He would reject me, and yet,” he continued, “Naru is allowed to be like that with him. Being his ex.”
A sly smile appeared on Ritsu’s face as he put a hand on Leo’s shoulder. “Believe me, Tsukippi. Because he loves you, he’s embarrassed when you do such things. Secchan is mean to everyone he loves… Nacchan is just bulletproof at this point, but she’s also feeding her own frustration with that, you get me?”
“Hm? How is that?”
“Once she drinks, you will notice,” Ritsu returned to keep putting the branches, finishing it earlier thanks to the cooperation between the two of them. “This house will become hell once alcohol is on the table. And Secchan will have to deal with it all.”
“Did I hear my name over there? Hey! I hope you two aren’t talking shit about me,” Izumi raised his voice, looking at the two young men sitting next to the Christmas tree. “Oh, you finished it?”
“Yep, it’s done. Enjoy it, Secchan,” Ritsu said as he dropped a couple of boxes below the Christmas tree.
“Oh, the presents! Wait, me too, me too, I made you guys some gifts!” Arashi exclaimed as she got up and ran for her things.
Eventually, all the gifts would be right below the tree. Leo gave everyone songs dedicated to them, somehow resembling how their personalities were, as Izumi complained about just how obvious it was that he would gift songs. Izumi made stuffed animals for everyone, hats, gloves… Arashi gifted cologne, cosmetics and the sort of stuff she got from her job as an influencer. Ritsu got everyone one of those ‘friendship bracelets’ that everyone loved except for Izumi, who thought it was ugly as fuck. But he put it on anyways. And Tsukasa bought tickets for a visit to the aquarium in the capital city, for what again, everyone was excited about except for Izumi, saying that they had to buy the train tickets and also make sure they would go in a weekend so they could stay there, complaining that they would need to close the cat café earlier, and a long list of things to point out.
But it was okay, since everyone was happy.
* * * *
It had been an hour since everyone started drinking alcohol with the annoying sound of the TV at the background. The people who weren’t sitting on the sofa were on the floor, using a cushion. And people were Ritsu and Leo.
“Izumi-chan, there’s a present under the tree that wasn’t opened, right? That paper in which it’s covered is yours.”
“Yup. But that one won’t be opened until all of you go back tonight,” he replied, holding his glass of alcohol free grape liquor. “And it’s not for you.”
“I bet it’s for Tsukippi. But why is it so big?” Ritsu asked, almost complaining, as he held his cup of wine. He had lost count of how many of those he had drunk.
“That’s none of your business. Naru-chan, stop leaning on me like that,” he said, while trying to push said girl to a side. But his strength wasn’t enough to achieve what he wanted.
“Shut up~ Let me cuddle a little, okay? It won’t hurt you!”
As time passed, Leo and Ritsu started talking together about nonsense, Arashi almost fell asleep on Izumi’s shoulder, and him and Tsukasa were the only ones that weren’t drinking at all. But the redhead was so silent it started to concern Izumi. He remembered he talked a lot in the groupchat and in the last party, so he wasn’t sure about his wellbeing.
“Um… Hey. Kasa-kun,” he tried to catch his attention, to what he only received a lazy look.
“Hm?”
“Why aren’t you drinking?” he asked. It was a normal thing to be the only one who didn’t drink in the whole group of friends, so it felt a little strange that there was someone else like this.
“Oh. I’m driving.”
“Ah… I understand,” Izumi replied, and there was a sudden silence between the two. It was almost awkward and made him feel uncomfortable, but Tsukasa seemed so calm, as if he was thinking about something else…
“Sena-san,” he called him.
“Yeah?”
“Just how close are you now… to Leo-san?” he made that question without looking at Izumi in the slightest, look fixated on the wall right in front of him. Not even the TV was ‘interesting’.
“What is that question?” Did Tsukasa ask it like that but was meaning something else? The kid was so polite his dirty and simple mind tried to guess if it had a… well, a more vulgar meaning.
“I mean romantically,” and that was what made Tsukasa gaze at him, without moving his head. His expression was serious. What was he? A brother-in-law? Well, technically…
“Well, we kissed. If that’s the information you want,” Izumi shook his hand in the air, without giving it much importance. “Nothing too deep. I guess.”
He noticed how Tsukasa’s fist strengthened on his left leg, which made him notice how his reply would go from now on. And yes, there it was.
“How… is that something ‘not too deep’? How are you taking it so slightly?” he asked, as if he was trying to repress anger with his words. But it was more than obvious, and Izumi was a dirty troublemaker. More than ever when the room stunk like alcohol did.
“Hah. What? Are you jealous?”
Tsukasa shook so much to that question he found his glass of water on the floor, completely broken. He blinked and smiled a bit. “Is that the image I give?”
Everyone in the room fell silent, before Arashi’s voice broke through the silence. “I’m pretty sure I’m the one jealous here, though…!” She squeezed Izumi in her arms, sounding almost frustrated. “And, on top of all… I’ve been so long without having sex! I’m so bored on my own, I’m sooo lonely… Ahhh…”
Arashi sighed and shed a tear, while Ritsu looked at Izumi, and Izumi looked back at Ritsu.
“Didn’t you say you weren’t jealous, though?” Leo asked, holding a whole bottle in his hand. “Did you lie?”
“She’s not the only one lying here, then,” Tsukasa interrupted in a low voice, almost impossible to hear. But Izumi did.
“Ahaha… It’s been seven months, though…” Arashi rubbed her cheek against Izumi’s shoulder. “Izumi-chan~ Why…”
Leo almost stood up, but Ritsu pulled from his sleeve to keep him sitting down. He didn’t want confrontation at all, and after all it would be a mess if they really interrupted Arashi. She never talked about her true feelings when she wasn’t drunk, so…
“Because you are going to cling to me forever as if more guys didn’t exist out there,” surprisingly, Izumi replied calmly. “More than one would date you without hesitating and yet you’re trying to hit on a gay man.”
“But you don’t get iiit. It’s impossible for me now! It’s so unfair!” Arashi almost yelled, closing her eyes. “Why are you even gay… You loved me too, so why! What did I do wrong?”
Izumi sighed. “I… didn’t—”
Tsukasa stood up. “Can I please ask what’s so great about it in the first place? You are so drunk and interested in sex no one has even noticed I broke a glass! And there it is!”
“You wouldn’t understand, Tsukasa-chan~ You’re a cherry boy, after all.” Arashi looked at the redhead that was standing up, her cheeks being pink. “And you’re sooo young~”
“I’m 25. And no one is telling you I don’t have experience with those things.”
Everyone gasped.
“… I’m not saying I did, actually.”
“Suo,” Leo stood up once Ritsu let go of his sleeve, walking towards him and pulling him from the wrist. “We have to talk, come to the bathroom with me.”
“I’m absolutely not helping you aim!” Tsukasa said with terror in his voice.
Everyone fell silent as Leo kept walking, dragging Tsukasa with him. Now everyone knew what Tsukasa meant in the groupchat, at least… Leo closed the door behind them, but Tsukasa left it half opened for some reason, and covered the switch with his back as he leaned against it.
“… Turn the light on, Suo.”
“No.”
Leo fell silent, sighing a bit at Tsukasa’s attitude. He was still a bratty kid, wasn’t he… He had always been like that deep inside.
“Well, I wanted to ask you. Are you okay?” Leo told him, with a slight concerned look on his face, as he played around with his bracelet. “You’ve been so silent, and…”
“I should be asking that to you as well.”
Oh.
“Why are you okay with Sena-san kissing you and sleeping with you if you’re not… partners? Can’t you see he is playing with you? Leo-san.”
“Sena would never do that,” Leo replied, squinting. “Suo, you’re jealous, aren’t you. Look, I know it might feel lonely, but you have to tell me things, okay! If you do, we will work together to make you feel less lonely. We’re friends, are we?”
“Fine then,” Tsukasa told him, before smiling in such a fake way it was horrifying. “That surely puts my mind at ease, yes. I missed talking to you, Leo-san.”
The other young man blinked, not being entirely sure of the reason why Tsukasa said that so suddenly.
“It’s… been so long. I’m so happy.” He lowered his head. “But… If you want me to tell you all the hard things, then why don’t you do the same?”
As Leo kept looking at Tsukasa, the boy raised his chin again to meet with his gaze, hearing how everyone started congratulating each other outside. The clock hit midnight, so it was already Christmas.
“Leo-san, if I may ask you a question now we’re alone after so long,” he started, while keeping that smile and his eyes fixated on him. “Just for how long have you been lying to your family?”
“… What? Lie? Me? Why?” What was he accusing him of? Why his family? What was happening…?
Tsukasa closed the door suddenly, so the whole room fell into darkness and silence before he started talking again, calmly. “They’re buying your silence. Monthly. You knew about this, you agreed, and even today, you’re getting money from them. From the Tenshouins. Am I wrong?”
Leo was completely unable to believe what Tsukasa was saying, what he was putting right in front of his eyes. He… he did, but he made it sound like a big crime. Why…?
“… Suo. Do you know why I did it?”
The silence invited him to continue. “It doesn’t matter how much I work, how much fame I get, Tsukinaga surname will disappear someday not too far away from now. My family means nothing to the world, you see… There will people who love me, but very few will admire me or be interested in me. It’s fine, because I’m an individual.”
“But Tenshi is sick. He’s always been of poor health, since we were in school… And his whole family is influential. It owns so many things, I don’t know examples now, but they do big things, and they donate to people… To shelters, to organizations, to those who are in need. Why would they suffer such a big stain in their career? Because one of their sons decided it… was okay to mass murder people in a fire?”
Tsukasa went silent, as an invitation to keep talking.
“He… that man. He forced me to have sex with him, to stay holed up in a room until he came back because he said I was ready to cheat on him all the time, he took photos of me in private occassions without my permission, he broke some of my materials saying I didn’t give him enough attention because I was always composing… He was the reason why I stopped making music at some point, but it didn’t last long before he commited… suicide I guess? The building… was going to fall by itself someday.”
Leo sighed again, shaking his head. “Tenshi however… He didn’t do anything wrong besides bullying people at school, but he learnt from that. He’s still a bit offensive sometimes, but he’s not like his brother in the slightest. And his parents are beautiful people who lend their hand when someone from their circle needs help… And even from outside their circle. Tenshi is also a famous model and actor, I don’t… want their lifes to be ruined just because mine was.”
And Leo stopped talking, squeezing his bracelet tightly. “I… thought. Maybe if mom was alive… She wouldn’t have wanted to ruin a whole family because of what one person did. Even though they had full responsibility of that man… He was an adult, there were things they couldn’t do, and no one expected him to just start a fire and mass murder nearly twenty people. Many of my cousins, aunts, uncles and my mom died there, some were really young… But do you think it’s fair, Suo? I didn’t have friends back then besides you and I didn’t know how to tell you. I didn’t even ask Ruka. I didn’t want to burden any of you with people whose will is no longer important besides what we can barely imagine about what they would’ve wanted. And even then, it’s useless. Then why be angry?”
“I don’t understand.”
Tsukasa made a pause, not hiding how shaky his voice was anymore.
“I don’t get why. I don’t understand why you thought you would burden us with something as important as that,” he kept talking, taking some breaks. Leo could imagine he was crying because of that. “You… made me believe for some weeks that you were a liar and that you only wanted the money. I refused to believe that you were like that and even couldn’t sleep well because I simply couldn’t… I couldn’t accept that you’d do such a thing, Leo-san. And even though this is a relief, it’s still…”
He shook his head, as Leo felt how Tsukasa’s forehead was put on his shoulder.
“It’s heavy, isn’t it? It’s okay if you share with us. Take your time, Leo-san, but don’t scare me like that. Ever again,” he asked of him, sobbing a little. “I know all this… Because Tori-kun is researching about it. He’s got the documents, he’s interested in how the Tenshouins are handling that at the moment, and we were worried about what you could be doing with all this. We were ready to expose the case if you happened to be that greedy… Even though it’s something legal, we couldn’t just let everyone continue their lives without knowing why the mass murder was erased from the investigation list from the police. You’re telling everyone no one knows what happened, but… You know. His brother was who killed everyone. It’s… not okay to lie.”
Leo put a hand on Tsukasa’s head, stroking it softly. “Look, I might never say things like these because I don’t want to let everyone know, but… I was scared and lost, okay? As you said, I will take my time. But eventually, I will tell everyone. I realized I asked you to be happy, but no one asked me so, huh…?”
“If you need someone to tell you to be happy, then I will,” Tsukasa separated from him suddenly to wipe his tears away with his sleeve. “Be happy, Leo-san. Don’t hide things from us… Those bracelets, Ritsu-san made them so you could believe in us. So we all could believe in one another. So don’t waste them, and remember everytime you see it around your wrist. I thought it was a good idea, otherwise, I wouldn’t have put it on myself.”
“You’re so cold, Suo~ Of course you would have. You’re so polite you will just accept any gift.”
“And I did. The scarf from Tori-kun…”
“Oh, about that. Tell him that he doesn’t need to burden himself with the murder case. And that I’m rooting for him.”
“Rooting for… him? Why?”
“Suo, you didn’t read the groupchat messages, did you?”
“Eh?!”
* * * *
Izumi closed the door behind Ritsu, Arashi and Tsukasa. It was late, around 4 a.m., so it was better for them to return home as soon as possible. They lived pretty far away from each other, after all.
He heard how Leo was opening his big present eagerly, before turning around and coming near him, hands behind his back.
“A box! A big box!” Leo almost shouted, opening it with such energy half of it went flying. “Ehhhh?! Another one?! Sena, you’re a devil!”
“Keep going, keep going, it takes pacience. All boxes are wrapped around gift paper so you’ll have to break your fingers to get there,” he shook his hand in the air before sitting down on the sofa, arms and legs crossed while he watched Leo breaking all the paper.
“This is… criminal,” Leo wheezed, moving his fingers after some more boxes. “How much time did you even spend on this?”
“Plenty,” Izumi answered, yawning. “If you don’t hurry up I’ll fall asleep, see.”
“Don’t act like this isn’t yours! Come here, too. Help me a bit,” Leo pointed at the place right next to him on the floor, strictly. “Here, here.”
Izumi had nothing else to do, so he obeyed and sat down next to him, watching him continuing the chore, hearing his complaints, in silence. He rested his cheek on the palm of his hand and his elbow on his leg, as Leo finally got to the last box. It was ridiculously small, blue and its material was soft. It was funny seeing how Leo’s face was impossible to describe with words, his expression was simply hilarious. Why did he seem so disappointed? He didn’t even know what was inside.
“I hope this is the last one. My fingers hurt, I’m going to start bleeding anytime!” he complained.
“Stop being a baby. Open it, okay?”
Leo squinted and did as Izumi told him, opening the little box. Inside, there was a piece of paper, bent many times. Agh, he hated him with a passion… But he thought it would be worth it, at least.
As soon as he got the whole piece of paper opened, he realized there was something written on it. Leo blinked and tried to figure out Izumi’s handwriting – it was usually beautiful and clean, but this time it was so messy…
… Oh.
He kept holding the paper, as Izumi raised both of his eyebrows, looking at him as if he was completely unamused.
“What are you so silent for? Read it outloud. I wrote it for you to read it, you know.”
Leo found himself shaking, opening his lips for a second before talking.
“Will you…”
“Yes?”
“… go out with me?”
Izumi smiled softly before leaning on Leo, to hug him tight. He let his own head rest on his shoulder, closing his eyes. “Sure, you idiot.”
“Ah—Ah. Ah?!” Leo’s whole face went bright pink as he dropped the piece of paper, looking nervously at Izumi. “So—That was it?! Is that it?! Huh?”
“I thought it would be good if we shared a Christmas present, that’s it. And you never, ever asked me to go out formally, instead you just went around complaining about me not being your boyfriend… I mean. I would probably have rejected you anyways, but it’s nice hearing it now.”
What? What in the world? Leo kept frozen while sitting on the floor, unable to pronounce any more words.
“Leo-kun, you… Are something else, you know. I noticed you were sulking today and Kasa-kun was, too. Probably because of the same thing,” he continued. “So I’m glad the past me took the decision of putting that under the Christmas tree you all bought for me. I know this is sudden and it’s shitty to have our anniversary on Christmas day, but… let me be stupid for a little longer, okay? This is a huge step, and I want you all to stop being annoying with it~ So let’s just… try.”
“… Ah.” Leo lowered his head, feeling how he was starting to cry. “Ah, no, no, no… Sniff… Sena, you idiot! I will kick your butt! I swear!” he yelled, as he tried to wipe his tears away with both of his sleeves.
“Hey, be careful with my clothes, will you? Geez… You’re so troublesome.” Izumi laughed a bit, before reaching his temple to leave a kiss there. “It’s late, let’s go to sleep. You’re not allowed to let anyone know until morning. Or afternoon. Depending on my mood.”
“Hah?! You’re—Uuuu…” Leo covered his eyes again with his sleeve, hearing how Izumi started to laugh.
“Don’t cry so much, Leo-kun. You will be able to brag about this all you want to very soon, okay?”
“Then you brag too. Brag about how great and kind your boyfriend is for putting up with all your teenage shit! Stupid Sena!” he said before trapping the grey haired man around his arms. “I will crush you with hugs!”
“Ooh, so scary. Someone save me.” But instead, he returned the hug, squeezing Leo tightly. “A giant lion is trying to kill me to eat me alive, help.”
“There’s no passion in your acting. We have to improve that,” Leo said as he smiled slightly, stroking Izumi’s hair.
“I don’t have time for that. I’m just acting like myself, something you should be doing too. If you want us to stay boyfriends, that is.”
“I’m twenty eight and I haven’t changed much since I was little, so that will be easy!” Leo leaned on him a little.
“I—What?! Hey, wait! Just what are you doing?!” he screamed as he found himself being lifted from the floor in princess style. “Let go, you dumbass! If I fall—”
“You won’t, so stop complaining! Let’s go to sleep, Sena! Let me carry you to our love bed~”
“Hah? Sure, an individual bed. So romantic,” Izumi shook his head, trying to keep himself away from falling by hugging Leo around his neck. “Be careful and don’t step on the present boxes, okay?”
“Oookay~ Merry Christmas, ho, ho ho!” Leo said happily, as he ran to Izumi’s room.
“Yeah… Merry Christmas to you as well, Leo-kun.”