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Roger watched as the snow sprinkled to the ground outside. It wasn’t that dramatic type of snow that you see in the movies or even the poetic type that you read about in books. It was just snow on a chilly day. Perhaps it would be thick enough to make a snowball out of or even a snowman perhaps?
Roger used to drag his sister outside to play, their coats barely buttoned and boots nearly falling off as they would scurry through their lawn, leaving footprints behind them in the snow. Roger would twirl around and around, attempting to catch the different snowflakes on his tongue until he lost his balance and crashed back down onto the earth.
He would lay there for a moment, letting the snow gently cover his face before wiggling about, moving his arms and legs until he created his own little snow angel.
He would play outside for as long as his mother would allow him to and then hurry back in; hair wet and cheeks rosy. He was a rambunctious lad and his mother knew this well. She never tried to stop him or deter him in any way, where his father couldn’t seem to handle his particular amount of energy.
Roger couldn’t say he had calmed down much as he grew into adulthood. While he wasn’t bouncing at the seams to go out in the snow, but still found himself running amuck throughout his home.
But that’s just how Roger was. A small child or average-sized adult, he was wild at heart and he wanted to enjoy every single moment that he had, especially after everything he had been through.
The year had come and gone. The latter part of ‘76 and the former months of ‘77 had been a complete and utter roller coaster for Roger in every sense. It did a number on him emotionally and physically, and to top it off, the band put out a new album that was doing well. They were currently within the top ten, which was a win in their book even if Freddie was a selfish bastard and wanted them to be at number one.
Though, to be honest, Roger was a selfish bastard too and was right beside him, wanting the very same thing. It was Brian and John that was logical and were proud of the world they had put out. The top ten was good enough for them.
Hell! They were in the top five in America. That was a win even Roger didn’t seem coming.
They already had planned on their next album, and Roger had been working on a bit of a funk track that he was rather hopeful on. One that would feature his voice alongside Freddie’s. It was still being workshopped, but he was hopeful for it.
John had written something for it as well; another gorgeous tune that Roger was lucky enough to get a sneak peek of. It was still too early to tell how it would turn out, but by the lyrics along, Roger knew it would be good. Leave it to the love of his life to write another silly love song.
Of course, the album would be worried about in the following year. They were still enjoying the final days of 1977 and Roger didn’t want to rush anything yet. While he had fully recovered from his crash, and then recovered from the memory loss he faced, Roger still had a few moments where he feared for the worse.
He would close his eyes and find himself wondering if he opened them, would he forget all over again. Would he lay back in bed beside the man of his dreams and wake up not knowing who he was?
Roger had always been an advocate for self-care and mental health, so he didn’t bat an eye when John had suggested they see a therapist after everything that had gone down. It was helpful, being able to let it all out on someone other than his bandmates.
His post-recovery life had been another other than smooth sailing, though Roger never expected any less. After all, the life of a rockstar wasn’t meant to be simple. If he wasn’t simple, he would have been a bloody dentist like his father insisted he become. He wanted wild, and unimaginable, and unpredictable!
And being a member of Queen allowed Roger to have just yet.
John and Roger promised each other that if they were to come out, they wouldn’t allow it to affect them and for the most part, they kept that promise. They didn’t do anything out of the ordinary. Weren’t walking the streets holding hands, weren’t purposely putting themselves in the public eye to gain attention.
They went on dates. Normal couple shit. They weren’t that fond of PDA, to begin with, so it wasn’t as if they were snogging in the streets or trying to get a shag in between sets.
And if they were at parties, they were together. Sometimes John would drag Roger out onto the dance floor and if he had one too many sparkly drinks, Roger would find himself looping an arm around John and holding him close.
All the things they had been restricted to do before coming out.
People asked them about it, but they always kept their answers short and sweet. They were together and they were happy. Nothing more, nothing less. John had always been rather quiet during interviews, so speaking about his personal life was practically off-limits. Roger, on the other hand, didn’t give a damn. He was an open book and he wore his heart on his sleeve. If you wanna know him, just ask. He had nothing to hide.
At least not anymore.
If their relationship had caused their album or any of their music, or even their careers to take a hit, neither of them noticed. Or if they did, they were just blind to it.
Blind with love.
They were still engaged, having decided to wait to get married until they would figure out what exactly they wanted to do, and then they wanted to do it. Roger had always hated the idea of getting married close to a certain holiday as he wanted to keep things separated, though he found that he couldn’t imagine bringing the new year in any other way.
It took a bit of convincing, but eventually, John agreed that New Year's Eve would be their wedding date. Roger’s final insisting was that they should never spend the final day of the year without one another and that if they were to marry on said holiday, that it would be their anniversary, and only a fool would be away from their beloved on their anniversary.
And Roger Taylor might have been many things, but a fool was rarely one of them.
And if he was, in fact, a fool for anyone, it was John Deacon.
So, they would be wed on the thirty-first of December, though they had another holiday to focus on beforehand.
Their previous Christmas had been a rather torturous one. Roger celebrated it alone in the hospital, without any friends or family by his side. John had tried to visit, but Roger, having no memory of him, sent the man away.
Roger had asked him about it, about what he did and how he felt after he was focused to leave. John confessed that he sat alone in their mansion, staring down the Christmas tree and cried due to the guilt that ran through him since the moment he found out about the accident.
It broke Roger’s heart to know that this lovely man was alone at Christmas. At the time, Roger thought nothing of it. He didn’t want the pity of a stranger and decided he would rather be alone than to be welcomed by someone he barely knew.
In the end, they were both alone and sad.
Roger didn’t want this Christmas to be the same.
And it wouldn’t. Not really. For one, Roger was nowhere near any sort of hospital, which was a definite plus in his book.
Their home was decorated from top to bottom. It wasn’t overdone or tacky like some places he knew the closer to London they got, but it was still done up to the point where everyone who passed by would be able to know this particular home and this particular family loved this particular holiday.
He had gone out with John to pick out the Christmas tree and stayed home to decorate it. All previous years Roger had hired someone to do it for them, wanting to have that very chic, clean look to it, though that all went out the window this time around.
They fussed around with it, using all the ornaments they had saved. Roger had bugged Claire for some of the ones from their childhood and John had a box saved away from his own home. In the head, it was somewhat sloppy and overdone, but to Roger, it was the loveliest tree he had ever put up in his twenty-eight years of age.
There were presents stacked underneath, all neatly wrapped because John wouldn’t want anything otherwise. He had remembered the crap jobs he had done previously and the terrible eye rolls he would receive. Personally, Roger didn’t understand why the wrapping was such a big deal when all you were going to do was rip it apart, but alas, he played alone.
He and poor Crystal sat together, trying their damndest to wrap each of John’s gifts ever so properly. He refused to pay someone at the store to do it as it was just too personal for this type of thing. He wanted to show John all the effort that went into this.
He kept up the tradition of getting a specific number of gifts. X amount of little things and then one large thing for the upcoming year. This year it will be five little and then one large. Roger kept up that, going up and beyond to make sure he picked up the best gifts he possibly could for John.
The first was a new pair of headphones that were a bit more ‘state of the art’ as he had been told by the salesman. They were meant to be noise canceling and Roger hoped John would get some use out of them while they were on the tour bus and the crew and band were being a bit rowdy while John tried to sleep.
The second had been a pair of drumsticks with his name carved into them. Roger had been teaching John on and off how to play his instrument of choice and he wanted nothing more than to help him with it and he thought if he had his pair of drumsticks that it would be a bit more personal and perhaps would even give him even more incentive to learn.
After that came a car, which shouldn’t truly count as it was something that he needed to get anyway. After destroying his sports car, Roger decided to get something a little more down to earth and sensible. The gift was that the car had been issued in both their names. It was the first thing they had to use as a couple.
The previous cars had all been in Roger’s and the house was in John’s. This time, it was in both their names. Both their responsibly. Roger knew it was silly, at least to a degree, but he was sure John would appreciate it.
The fourth gift was an accounting journal with John’s initials on it. The man had taken it upon himself to check and recheck all of the band's spendings and Roger hoped this would help him ever so slightly that way he could focus on the bigger things, like playing and not worrying if they were going over budget.
And the five gifts was a new strap for his bass as he noticed John readjusting the other far too many times while on tour. He wanted his bandmate and fiance to be comfortable while he played and having a double padded strap would do that.
As for the final gift, the one that represented the future, well that was something far larger than ever Roger was ready to take on.
He had been preparing for it all day, as he and John were going about. They spent Christmas Eve with John’s sister and just a few days prior they went to Claire’s Christmas party. It was their first time there as a couple and John had been rather anxious to go as he still blamed himself and his own internalized fear for the reason Roger got hurt, to begin with.
But they went and it was wonderful. They sat together and Roger pulled John onto the dance floor for a twirl. They drank eggnog and got rightfully pissed, kissing under the mistletoe without an ounce of hesitation. Being out was terrifying, there was no denying that, but it was wonderful just the same.
Now they were home and they were spending it with each other. They had called Fred and Brian, who were celebrating with their own families. They had food prepared for them and were lazing around peacefully.
Three years ago, Roger had put a piano in the house just because he could. He loved the idea of throwing large parties and one of his many talented friends just sitting there and playing for them all. Elton John had done it a time or two, though he did snap at Roger and told him to have the damn thing tuned.
Roger sat at the piano, mainly playing as John brought them both cups of tea. He sang his rendition of Lazing, as he knew it was one of John’s personal favorites. He wasn’t that great at the piano, but if he could play anything, it was their songs.
“You’re just a smug bastard because it’s a Sunday,” John commented, flashing Roger that smile that he adored so much.
“Clever bastard is more like it,” Roger replied, slamming his fingers down onto the keys before making his way over to the brunet.
They lounged on the couch together, drinking tea and just enjoying the day. Now and then they would stop everything and open more gifts. Roger had woken John properly, with his tongue deep inside of him and his deft fingers wrapped around his cock. They took their time getting ready, with John wearing that ghastly game jumper that Roger had given him the year prior.
There was no need to rush and no reason to do anything. It was their holiday and they could spend it doing anything they liked. They shared a few kisses on the couch, though they stopped before anything got too hot and heavy.
In their early days of dating, Roger would have loved nothing more than a Christmas morning shag, but now he wanted to enjoy his time with John doing something other than getting off.
“Come on. Open your final presentation.” Roger requested, his lips trailing along John’s jawline.
John had already showered him in his gifts, which consisted of tickets to a Broadway show once they visited America in January, a new Rolex, a jade comb straight from Japan, a suede steering wheel cover for their new car, and writing book with his name on it so when he came up with new lyrics, he had somewhere other than scraps of paper to put them.
John’s biggest gift had been his support for Roger when he released “I Wanna Testify” . He had been skeptical at first, unsure if anybody would care for it, let alone the band, but John was right there with him.
John gave him the single all framed up with the promotional poster attached. He jokingly made Roger sign it and had it propped up in their home on Christmas morning. It was utterly ridiculous but so wonderful all the same. It sat alongside their other records. While this one single may not have gone platinum, Roger was proud of it.
And to know that John supported him every step of the way was just another added reason why Roger loved him so very much.
“When are you going to learn not to spoil me?” John asked, causing the blond to laugh.
“Spoil you? Darling, I couldn’t spoil you if I tried, and trust me, I have tried.” Roger commented, slipping off the couch.
It was late afternoon now. They had eaten lunch and Roger somehow convinced John to go out with him to rustle around in the snow. Two grown men, running around in the snow like a couple of school children. It was ridiculous and he loved every moment of it, especially when they settled back onto the couch to warm up.
He grabbed the final gift, a neatly wrapped up box with a great big bow on it, and placed it on John’s lap.
John opened it carefully, sending a playful glare Roger’s way. “If it’s another jumper, I’m not putting it on.” He told him, though it was quite obviously not a piece of clothing.
It was too flat and delicate. To Roger, it almost felt empty and he wondered if John felt the same.
Roger shifted on the couch, watching as John pulled up the lid and looked over the item inside. It was nothing more than the pamphlet. A bit of information on a topic that John had mentioned only once before this.
Roger had always wanted to be a rockstar, so when he was given that chance, he jumped at it. And while Roger never thought he’d never make a good husband, he jumped at the chance to do that as well. The idea of being a father never occurred to Roger, even when Brian began having little ones. He had always been Uncle Roger to Claire’s kids and Brian’s son and daughter.
A man who could be whimsical and fun, but then leave when the hard stuff came around. It had always been John that longed for that heteromorlancy. He longed to have children and it broke Roger’s heart to know that physically it wouldn’t be in the cards for them.
But Roger knew there were ways around that and also knew that money walked, so if he had to flash a bit of cash to get the love of his life the one thing he never thought he’d be able to have, then Roger was fine with that.
John looked up suddenly, the adoption agency brochure clenched tightly in his deft fingers. “Roger?”
“You don’t have to say yes,” Roger told him tentatively. “I know we have a lot to think about with the wedding just a week away, but I wanted you to know this before we started the new year.”
“And what exactly is this?”
“This is what I want. Everything with you, John.”
Roger knew it was obvious. If he hadn’t wanted a life with John, he wouldn’t have proposed. He wouldn’t have stayed by his side even when the past seven years were gone from his mind. He could have moved on and carried on with his life, but he stuck it out because even without the memory of John, there was just something about him that made Roger want to linger, want to stay.
“There will always be things holding us back. Whether it be silly laws or even the laws of physics, or my damn memory, but I don’t care about any of that.” Roger went to sit beside him then, carefully taking John’s hand in his own.
He ran his finger along the ring that he had given John just months ago. A ring he had planned on giving him over a year ago. Better late than never, that much was true, but all the time they had lost took a toll on Roger and he refused to lose any more of it.
“We don’t have to have children yet. We can wait as long as you want, but I want you to be aware that I am on your side and I am ready whenever you are.”
“Roger, if you’re just doing this too. . . to make up for something.” John muttered, shaking his head as he pushed the box back.
Leave it to his husband-to-be to not be selfish even when he is getting what he wants. Roger wanted to laugh and pull the brunet in for a kiss, though he refrained from doing so just yet.
“I am not making up for anything. There is nothing to make up for, John. All I am doing is making sure we don’t waste any more time. I want things to be clear between us. In just a week we’ll be married! We’ll be Mr. and Mr. John Deacon or Mr. and Mr. Roger Taylor.”
“We’re not exchanging names,” John muttered out swiftly.
It had been a quick conversation for them both. They worked hard and wanted to keep their professional names the very same as their legal names. Of court, Roger was very excited to call John “the other Mr. Taylor” and he would proudly proclaim himself to be Roger Deacon any chance he was given, but for now he’d stick with just calling John his husband.
“Regardless of that, I don’t want anything hanging in the air. I want to go in 1978 knowing exactly what to expect. And if that happens to be waking up the endless wails of a newborn needing to be changed or chasing after a toddler who won’t eat their vegetables, then I am all for it.”
John laughed then. So light and bubbly, with that smile so bright it warmed Roger’s heart. “You’re serious.” John proclaimed, shaking his head in disbelief. “This is happening, then.”
“We can go tomorrow if you like. Or we could go for three years from now. You lead, I follow. You follow, I lead. Side by side, John. From now until the end of time.”
They stepped out of the shadows and into the noise not even a year ago, but Roger had never been one to look back. Only forward. Always moving, always learning. He made a mistake once and he refused to live that way ever again.
They had the entire world at the palms of their hands. Nothing to lose. Nothing to fear.
Roger wanted to take every step of this life with John and he was confident that the brunet felt the same.
John moved forward then, kissing Roger soundly. He smiled brightly, because he could and because it felt right. When he pulled away, John was smiling back to him, looking as lovely as ever.
“I love you, you know that?” John whispered.
“I think I do recall you mentioning that a time or two.” Roger teased, swooping back in for another kiss.
Roger never planned on falling in love with his bandmate, but he did and it was a decision he would never regret. Queen was Roger’s destiny and John was the unexpected and wonderful thing that held Roger to this world. He was an unexplained and beautiful sight.
He was the good that always followed the bad. The light in the darkness, the nose in the silence, the roses in December.
And with John by his side, Roger was sure his life would never be the same.
And he was counting on it.