Archive of Our Own ^beta

All she wanted was for him to leave. He stood at her open door expectantly, waiting for her to say something, anything, but nothing would come. She hadn’t said a word to him since she was eleven, and he’d left her mother alone, broken, and wondering why she wasn’t good enough. Even before then, she’d said little more than a word or two here and there.

Her mother was the only person who could get a real conversation out of Beca since the time she could talk. And when they did talk, it was about everything and nothing all at the same time. Her mother was her best friend.

When she died, Beca lost the one person left in the world that she was comfortable enough to talk to. It had been breast cancer, which normally, is very curable, but they’d caught it too late. And her health went downhill fast. There was little they could, but make the most of the time they had left together. Her mother’s dying words to Beca were a wish that she would live a life full of love and friendship, a wish Beca wasn’t entirely sure was possible.

She never had the ability to really talk to other people. It just came with the territory. Selective muteness wasn’t as selective as the name implied. Her subconscious made the decisions on who she could or couldn’t talk to. The anxiety was a bitch that way. If Beca wasn’t comfortable, she couldn’t talk. And then when she couldn’t talk, she got more anxious because no one could understand her making her speech block grow. It was a vicious cycle. One she’d been working to jump out of for as long as she can remember.

Her therapist had told her that the way to get past selective muteness as an adult was to eliminate as much anxiety and stress from a scenario as possible and eventually the words would flow. Beca got the point, but as with most things, it was easier said than done. So, now she was standing there in her new dorm room on her first day at college, staring at her father who was waiting for her to say something to him, and she just couldn’t.

She watched him cautiously as thoughts flitted through his mind as he decided what to do. Eventually, he seemed to realize that Beca just wasn’t going to say anything to him—not that he wasn’t used to it. It had been almost eight full years since he heard her voice.

“Alright Beca,” he finally sighed. “I guess I’ll be heading out. Shoot me a text if you need anything.”

Beca nodded her head and waved her hand slightly. Her dad hesitated for a moment before he spoke again. “Really, if you need anything, please reach out. You don’t have to be alone here Beca.”

Beca sighed and nodded again. She knew her dad meant well. Now that she was grown, she couldn’t exactly blame him for not making the relationship with her mother work. They fought constantly. That’s not what a relationship should be—at least she assumed it shouldn’t be. She’d never had a functioning relationship to look up to while she grew up.

Her dad left the room without another word, and Beca turned back to the few bags she’d tossed on the floor when she had arrived on campus. The first thing she pulled out was her mixing equipment. It was already set up with her lap top on her desk in the corner of the room. All that was really left was some clothes and small items. She didn’t have a lot.

Her roommate had already been there and left the minute Beca entered the room without so much as a hello, which was fine with Beca because less talking meant Beca was less likely to come off as a freak for not talking. She found that being silent tended to unnerve people. She had at least developed the ability to push body language through the block so as long as no one tried to really talk to her, she would be fine.

Beca hummed softly to herself as she pulled her clothes from a torn-up, frayed duffle bag on her bunk. Mostly plaid button-downs in various dark shades, and a few pairs of jeans made up her wardrobe. Nothing fancy. Beca just wasn’t a fancy person because a; dresses and dress clothes just fucking sucked, and b; the only fancy occasions she’d gone to (forced) were family events which were basically as rare as blizzards in Atlanta, Georgia. Not that she cared, family wasn’t really a thing to her without her mother.

It only took another fifteen minutes for Beca to put the finishing touches on her unpacking. She thought about sitting down to start working on some of her unfinished projects, but decided against it when she felt her stomach rumble violently. She probably should figure out where the dining hall was. No way was she going to live off ramen.

Beca had to (begrudgingly) admit that Barden’s campus was beautiful. She grew up in the Pacific Northwest, not too far from Seattle, and wasn’t used to the amount of sunlight that came from living in the South. It was hot. Way too hot for the skinny jeans she wore, but she’d deal. She didn’t even own a pair of shorts.

According to the campus map she’d downloaded onto her phone (to avoiding looking like a lost freshman,) the dining hall was only supposed to be on the other side of the quad. The quad that was currently busting at the seams with activity fair booths and over-eager student org types. She shook her head knowing she didn’t have much of a choice, she might as well face it head on. It’s not like she actually had to pay attention to anyone. She’d just keep her head down and move quickly.

Or so was the plan—until a hand thrust a flyer in front of her face and Beca nearly fell backwards from the suddenness of it. She looked up to find the brightest pair of blue eyes she had ever seen in her life. If Beca hadn’t been so captivated by them, she probably would have thought they were kind of ridiculous, cause seriously who has eyes that blue? But, as it was, Beca was captivated. It took a second to shake herself out of her stupor in order to take in the rest of the woman who had stopped her. Her red hair was like something straight out of a magazine, falling in generous waves and framing her face.

“Would you like to join our music group?” the redhead said quickly with a voice that almost made Beca shiver with its sweetness. Her eyebrows rose as she looked down to exam the flyer in front of her. The Barden Bellas, huh?

“We’re an all women acapella group. We sing covers of songs, but do it without any instruments. It all comes from our mouths!” Beca smiles at the oversell the woman gives her. She was cute, in a crazy girl-next-door, had-too-much-sugar kind of way, but Beca had no desire to join any on-campus groups. She was only here for a year to appease her father before she went off to LA to try and make it in the music industry. If Daft Punk could make it without speaking more than a dozen words than so can she. “There are four groups on campus—the Bellas, that’s us. We’re the tits. The BU Harmonics, the High Notes, and the Treblemakers.”

The woman’s smile faltered as she looked in their direction. The group in question was standing towards the edge of the quad aggressively singing towards people as they passed by.

“I’m Chloe, by the way. I am one of the co-captains and behind me is Aubrey,” she said returning her dazzling attention to Beca. Beca glanced behind Chloe to see a blonde woman with what seemed to be a perpetual frown on her face. “Are you interested in auditioning?”

Beca quirked a smile at Chloe and laughed softly, not even realizing it. Honestly, she kind of felt bad. Chloe was friendly enough and it felt kind of like kicking a puppy to say no to her, but come on? Acapella? It was pretty lame. Beca feel another pair of eyes on her as she shook her at Chloe and tried to hand back the flier.

“Aca-scuse me?” the other woman, Aubrey, said approaching the pair from behind Chloe. She’d seen Beca laugh and shake her head at Chloe and her protective instincts flared against the tiny brunette.

“What’s wrong with synchronized lady dancing to a Mariah Carey chart topper?” Her voice was incredulous as if Beca had just insulted her god, which based on that little comment was probably Beyonce. Beca just smirked at the older woman and her eyebrows raised in silent amusement.

Sensing a building tension between the two, Chloe stepped lightly in front of Aubrey and spoke again. “We sing all over the world and compete in national championships.”

So? Beca made a face which bordered the lines of pity and amusement.

“We played the Cobb Energy Performing Arts Center you bitch,” Aubrey said. The silence of the other woman was irritating her. How could this girl rile her up without even a word? Chloe had reached out and grabbed her hand gently whispering a soft “settle” to the blonde. Beca’s eyes raised slightly at the strangely intimate exchange but didn’t have time to read too much into it before Chloe was speaking to her again.

“What Aubrey means to say is that we’re a close-knit, talented group of ladies whose dream is to return to the national finals at Lincoln Center this year.” Beca could have sworn Chloe’s eyes got bigger as she spoke, like fucking puppy-dog eyes, they were so huge. “Help us turn our dreams into a reality?”

Beca really did feel like she was kicking a puppy now. She smiled sadly at the redhead and avoided Aubrey’s eyes as she shook her head. She set the flier onto their table as she walked away, hoping to find a part-time job in the throng of tables.

Chloe was following Beca’s path curiously as she weaved through the crowds of people. “She didn’t say one word to us, did she?” Chloe suddenly realized and turned to look at Aubrey. Aubrey shook her head.

“No, she didn’t.”

“Weird,” Chloe said softly to herself.

“She’s probably one of those freak loner types,” Aubrey said with a scowl. “Definitely not Bella material.”

“She was cute though,” Chloe said gauging her girlfriend’s reaction as she said the words. “In an alternative kind of way.”

“Cute.” Aubrey scoffed. “With all those ear monstrosities, it’s hard to believe she doesn’t have a prison tattoo to go with them.”

“Aubrey,” Chloe said laughing gently.

Beca managed to find a radio station booth later that day and signed up for an internship. The details were pretty vague, but she was given a time and place to show up the next day and she was pretty excited. Excited enough that she completely forgot why she left her dorm room in the first place. It wasn’t until an hour after she got back to her room that she remembered she still needed to eat.

Her first day of classes was also the next day. She was feeling pretty conflicted about them. Since she was only planning on being at Barden for a year, she had only signed up for fluff classes—the 101s. None of them interested her though so she debated if she would even go to them. The only thing professors did on the first day of class was hand out a syllabus and let you leave, and most of her syllabi were posted online anyway.

Eventually she decided, fuck it, and went to class anyway. She would have rather stuck around her dorm and messed around with some of her mixes, but her roommate had been glaring proverbial daggers at her for two hours by the time she finally left, and it felt like a breath of fresh air to get away from Kimmy Jin. Beca didn’t think she would ever get to the point where she could say anything to her roommate anyway so she was content to let Kimmy Jin hate her.

By mid-afternoon, Beca was nearly jumping out of her skin at her proximity to other people. She could handle herself fairly well in smaller groups or large groups for short periods of times, but 101s were huge lecture hall classes spanning an hour or more. And she had multiple of them in one day. She couldn’t wait to get back her dorm so she could escape for a while.

Her excitement for the radio job had waned some in the exhaustion that came with her anxiety. It was still there, don’t misunderstand, but she knew she’d have to deal with people when she got there, and that is exactly what she didn’t want right now. Like yeah, she got that it was a part of the job, but there was only so much she could take in a day.

It hadn’t turned out as bad as she thought it would though. She was able to get across to Luke that she was nonverbal, and he seemed totally down with that—something about it making her less annoying than the other undergrads trying to get time in the booth. And Beca didn’t think the other new guy even noticed or even stopped talking from the minute he got there to the minute he left. He seemed nice enough, and the fact that he could carry on a conversation by himself without needing Beca’s response was definitely a bonus.

Life carried on like that for another week or so. Beca would get up in the morning and skip class until about four in the afternoon when she’d go in for her shift at the station. When she wasn’t at the station, her eyes were glued to her computer screen arranging, mixing, and sometimes even composing new music. She was fine with the routine. It got her through the day with minimal exposure to other people. That is until the second week of class when her father texted her at eight in the morning asking why wasn’t in her philosophy 101 class.

Beca knew she needed to answer. If she didn’t then he was just going to show up at her dorm room again, and then who knows how long it would be before she got him to leave.

How did you even know? Beca shot off the text and started gathering her stuff to go shower.

You don’t need to know. Why aren’t you there?

She snorts and sends back a response knowing it’ll likely piss him off. I’m posing an important philosophical question: If I don’t actually go to class, will that class still suck?

When he didn’t respond for another five minutes, Beca actually started to get worried that he was coming to her dorm—that is, until a massive paragraph popped up on her screen.

Beca.. I know you’re mad at me and I get it. But you need to get an education. The music industry isn’t so forgiving and someday you might need a backup. You’re missing out on so many experiences by staying in your dorm room. It’s supposed to prepare you for real life. And you’re supposed to create memories here. Do you even have any friends yet?

Okay, so that one hurt a little bit. She knew she was a loner, but he couldn’t exactly blame her. Who wants to be friends with the weird mute kid who wears too much eye liner? She’d had this fight with him at least a dozen times before she got to Barden. All she wanted to do was go to LA, and she didn’t get why he couldn’t accept that. Another message popped up on her screen:

Just try something. Anything. Put yourself out there. A job at the radio station with three weirdos doesn’t count. Just do something with real people, and if in a year, you still want to run off to be some big time music producer then I’ll help you move to LA.

Beca had to do a double take at her phone. No way was he saying that? Was he serious? It was that easy?

But you have to pass all your classes.

Beca sighed in defeat. There went her idea to just skip out on her classes until she could leave. She shot off an “okay” message to her dad then grabbed her towel and toiletries to head to the bathroom.

The bathrooms were usually pretty empty at this time of the day as everyone was off to their classes or the dining hall by now. There were the occasional stragglers like Beca who didn’t give a crap about their morning classes—or they’d won the lottery and didn’t have an early AM class. None of them were in the showers that morning though, at least that Beca noticed.

She hummed Titanium quietly to herself as she hung her towel on a peg outside of the shower curtain and tossed her soaps into the shower and set the water on hot before shutting the curtain. As soon as the curtain was closed, it felt like a wall and dropped Beca was free. The words to the song rang out loud and clear through the tiled room as Beca closed her eyes and enjoyed the feeling of the hot water against her chest. She was so absorbed into her own little world that she didn’t notice the jingle of the curtain being opened until a squealed “Oh my god” startled her from her reverie and she flew into the back wall of the shower trying to cover herself up.

“You can sing!” the excited voice shrilled. Beca glanced over her shoulder to see the red head, Chloe, from the activity fair standing behind her—completely nude. Of course, this would happen to Beca. The first time she gets to see a hot girl naked and it’s practically assault. Beca tried to hold her shampoo bottle up to cover her chest as the girl’s eyes started to roam a little bit. She reached out and tried to close the curtain but Chloe just ripped it open again. “How high does your belt go?”

Beca didn’t answer and instead tried too look anywhere but directly at Chloe, which Chloe wasn’t making any easier as she rambled on about the song Beca was singing. Beca was pleasantly surprised to know that Chloe knew who David Ghetta was even though Titanium was playing constantly on the top 40 stations.

Beca snapped out of her thoughts when she heard Chloe say something about her “lady jam” and she scowled at the girl. Said scowl intensified when Chloe asked her to sing it for her and Beca quickly shook her head.

“No, not for that reason,” Chloe said quickly. “Look, I’m not leaving here until you sing so…”

Beca shook her head again, trying to breath deeply and control the anxiety building in her stomach. After waiting for what felt like an hour, only really about thirty seconds, Beca quietly sang the first words of Titanium’s chorus. Her voice getting stronger with each passing beat. She heard Chloe’s voice join in on the harmony and she almost melted a little because it was like really good. And she hadn’t sang with anyone since her mom so it felt kind of special that this random naked girl she’d met once before was able to cause this level of comfort in Beca.

Beca smiled a little as they finished the chorus, and she almost forgot that she was completely naked until Chloe glanced down for just a second. Beca raised her eyes back to the ceiling again and looked away from Chloe.

“Yeah,” Chloe said, laughing at Beca’s shy response. “I’m pretty confident about all this.” She gestured down her body.

“Look,” Chloe said. “I get that you’re this like quiet, mysterious type, but your voice rocks. You should try out for the Bellas. Auditions are Saturday okay?”

Beca nodded, still refusing to look at Chloe even as she handed Beca her towel. This was absolutely crazy. Why in the world would she go to this audition now? Chloe had assaulted her in the shower. Who does that?

And yet, four days later, Beca found herself pushing open the exit door to the backstage of a small auditorium. She felt crazy even being here. She had never been able to sing in front of an audience before, what made her think she could now? She could feel the anxiety pushing adrenalin through her veins and she took a few calming breaths as she approached the stage.

“That was the last audition of the day,” a voice said as Beca peaked her head around the corner to look out at the groups seated in the auditorium. They were fairly easy to tell apart because they all sat separated from each other. Chloe and Aubrey were seated near the front and Aubrey had just begun shuffling a stack of papers together when Chloe caught Beca’s eye and yelled out, “Wait there’s one more.”

Chloe smiled hesitantly at Beca who took another deep breath and walked out onto the stage. She gave small smile and wave to Chloe before sitting down directly in front of the two co-captains. Beca hadn’t known she needed to prepare a song, but she knew one that her mom had taught her that she could easily sing on the fly so long as she could actually get herself to sing. She noticed a cup of pens on the desk in front of her and glanced cautious at Aubrey and reached out of it. After a second Aubrey gave a small, confused nod, and Beca grabbed the cup from the table, gently pouring the pens onto its surface in the process.

Beca sat back down against the stage and sighed heavily. She could do this. She knew she could so long as she just kept herself calm. Her therapist always told her that getting past her block was all about reducing anxiety.

She looked up to see Chloe smiling still at her and she felt her shoulders fall a bit as tension released. There was some impatient shuffling echoing towards the back of the auditorium, but Beca chose to drown it all out in exchange for keeping eye contact with Chloe. Those brilliantly blue eyes kept her focused for so long she didn’t even realize when she’d finished the song—nor did she notice the steel-melting glare Aubrey was directing towards her.

Without a word, Aubrey handed an audition application to Beca to fill out, while Chloe excitedly told Beca that she would hear from them by the end of the day and to be prepared—which Beca found cryptic as fuck.

After Beca had left the auditorium, Chloe turned to her girlfriend happily. “See, I told you we would see her again.”

Aubrey rolled her eyes, unwilling to admit that Chloe was right. Despite her outwardly hostile reaction toward Beca, the girl still intrigued her. After Chloe explained how she’d “stumbled” onto Beca singing in the shower and the girl still wouldn’t talk, Aubrey had pulled out her computer and done two hours worth of research on muteness. Chloe had teased Aubrey that she had a little crush on Beca, but Aubrey had stoically ignored her girlfriend in favor of pouring herself into rehearsal planning for the Bella’s.

“She still doesn’t look the part of a Bella,” Aubrey said not withholding the disdain she felt for Beca’s “alternative” style.

“We can cute her up,” Chloe said smiling. “She’s already tiny so she’s like half way there.”

“Those hideous earrings will have to go,” Aubrey added as she slid a stack of audition forms into her bag. 

“Newsflash Aubrey,” Chloe sighed. “Of all the girls we auditioned today, like two of them would have fit the traditional Bella look. We should be looking for good singers. That’s the part that matters.”

Aubrey sighed. Chloe had a point. And at least with Beca, reducing the girl’s eyeliner was most of the battle to make her look like a Bella. But she didn’t like Beca. She didn’t like the way she looked at Chloe and she didn’t like that Beca wore a perpetual smirk like she thought everything around her was just vaguely amusing.

Later that evening found Beca standing in a dark room with a hood over her head, Chloe’s warning echoing through her head. She could hear Aubrey talking about some oath which sounded completely ridiculous to Beca. Who even cared who slept with who, and where was Aubrey going to get these wolves to rip out their vocal cords if they did sleep with a Treble?

When Aubrey’s cult initiation was finished, Beca found herself being ushered back into the van with the other girls and driven to a spot nearby on campus where a party was already violating noise ordinances.

“Welcome to hood night,” Aubrey said as she set the van into park. She glanced back through the review mirror and caught Beca’s eye. Her facial expression was entirely neutral which made Beca uncomfortable. She could already tell the blonde didn’t particularly like her and she had a sinking feeling that it had something to do with the way Beca couldn’t take her eyes off Chloe. It’s not like she meant to do it. Chloe was just the only person in the room that seemed to ground her. Beca knew better than to get attached though so she decided to just avoid Chloe. An idea that Chloe made extremely difficult to follow.

Beca remained off to the side for most of hood night. Acapella people turned out to be a little rowdier than she would have anticipated, and even then, large crowds weren’t Beca’s thing. Chloe had attempted three separate times to get Beca to come down and join the party and each time Beca had shook her head and grimaced. Jesse’s attempts to get her to socialize were just a futile.

He approached her about an hour after she got there, already three shades to the wind, and started talking about their “aca-children.” Beca nearly trip him backwards down the stairs just to get him to shut up, but she smiled to humor him just so that he wouldn’t push the conversation too hard. Of course, he did anyway, and Beca could see Aubrey across the amphitheater glaring at the Treblemaker. Beca found it all highly amusing and decided to play into it a little and smile more at Jesse just to get a rise out of the blonde. She knew she would regret the interaction with Jesse later, but she just didn’t really care right then.

Eventually Jesse got bored of talking and moved back down into the amphitheater to dance with the other aca-people. His retreat was followed quickly by Aubrey’s arrival. The blonde came to stand next to Beca without a word and handed off a red solo cup filled with whatever backwash swill college kids consider beer.

“Parties aren’t your thing,” Aubrey stated after a few moments. Beca shook her head. Never had been and likely never would be.

“Mine either,” Aubrey continued. “But Chloe manages to drag me to a few of them every year.”

Beca watched Aubrey cautiously. She was slightly confused as to why the blonde was even talking to her. Aubrey’s eyes tracked Chloe as she socialized across the party. She never stood in one place to long because there was always someone new to talk to—ever the social butterfly, Chloe couldn’t just leave without meeting everyone.

“You don’t talk much, do you?” Aubrey blurted. Beca smiled and laughed a little. She somehow got the feeling that Aubrey wasn’t the type to blurt so Beca’s silence must have really bothered her. “What’s so funny?”

Beca pulled out her phone and gestured for Aubrey to grab hers as well before snatching it from the blonde’s hand and adding her number. She sent herself and then handed the phone back to Aubrey who took the phone cautiously, like Beca had just rigged it to explode.

Didn’t anyone ever tell you not to ask mutes about their emotional trauma? Beca sent back trying to keep a straight face.

“Th-that’s not what I meant?” Aubrey burst, and her face flushed red. “I’m sorry. That was so rude. It’s none of my business.”

Dude chill. I was joking.

Aubrey looked up and saw that Beca was smiling at her, the teasing glint evident in her eye. Aubrey scowled but then smiled slightly at the younger woman. “That was mean.”

You should have seen your face though.

Aubrey smacked her on the back of the arm lightly. “Is-is that normally how you talk to people? Through texting?” Aubrey asked. Beca could tell Aubrey had a lot of questions which made her hesitant to respond. But there was also a voice. And the voice in Beca’s mind was usually right so texted her back.

Only when they’re worth the effort. Beca winked at Aubrey when she looked back up from her phone. Aubrey’s blush returned, but she just hummed in response to Beca. She felt like she had already pushed the younger woman for information more than she should have. They just met after all. Aubrey couldn’t just dump all her questions and curiosities off on her the first time they talked. Aubrey was so distracted by her curiosity that she forgot that not twelve hours ago she was glaring holes through Beca’s skull for staring at Chloe.

Beca relaxed next to Aubrey. It seemed like the blonde wasn’t so bad after all. Maybe a little intense, but she was kind of cute when she was flustered. She could see why Chloe liked her if this is what Aubrey was like one-on-one. It hadn’t taken a genius to figure out the two were a couple. Beca could just by the way that Aubrey had reacted to her earlier that day.

Hey. I wanna apologize for earlier today. I didn’t know about you and Chloe. I just… I don’t know. I wouldn’t have been able to do that audition with out her.

Aubrey reread the text a couple times. She and Chloe weren’t exactly out on campus so that Beca had figured them out was surprising.

“You’re observant,” Aubrey said quietly. Beca just nodded her head. It was sort of obvious. When you don’t spend your time talking, you spending it listening and watching. Beca had become some what of an expert on body language.

Your secret is safe with me.

Aubrey hummed. “Chloe has a way with people,” she admitted. “She exudes calm while somehow being the most bubbly person in the room. She was able to talk me down from a panic attack less than an hour after we met.”

Beca blinked at the admission. Sure, Aubrey was intense, but Beca had figured that’s just how she was—not that it was side effect of another problem.

I get it. I haven’t sung in front of another person since I was 11… She wasn’t sure why she was telling Aubrey this. Beca didn’t do friends so why was she telling the blonde her tragic backstory. Usually Beca ran before she ever had to become personal. But if Aubrey was surprised at the admission, she didn’t show it.

“You have a beautiful voice,” Aubrey said. Beca wondered briefly if it hurt for her to admit it. “We’re… lucky to have you on our team.”

Flattery will get you everywhere Posen. Aubrey snorted as she read the text, and Beca couldn’t help but think it was cute. They stood together for another fifteen minutes before Aubrey decided to retrieve Chloe who, in the middle of her drunken dancing, had gotten a little too close to some hedges at the edge of the amphitheater and gotten her hair stuck.

Beca felt like she’d made a valiant attempt at “partying” by this time and decided to walk back to her dorm. Other than the nerd party happening behind her, campus was quiet which Beca appreciated immensely.

The following day was the first Bella’s rehearsal. Beca managed to drag her carcass out of bed in time to get to her philosophy class, but by the time she got to rehearsal she felt completely drained. Aubrey didn’t make it any easier on her either. After drop kicking two of the new freshmen, she pushed them into running laps around the rehearsal space. Exercise had never really bothered Beca, but she was so tired that day that when Chloe finally called rehearsal, Beca just dropped to her knees for a few minutes to recover her breath.

Rehearsals continued much the same way for the rest of the week. The other Bellas pushed back some on the cardio, but after exhibiting a glass-shattering high-G that lasted nearly a minute, which she attributed to their excessive cardio, Aubrey was able to hush a majority of the complaints.

Aubrey was a drill sergeant in rehearsals. She was a cold perfectionist with a failure complex, and Beca found herself growing irritated with the blonde each passing day.  They learned about Aubrey’s blunder the year previous in their second rehearsal, and Beca couldn’t help but sympathize with Aubrey—they had similar problems that manifested in different ways. But what she couldn’t sympathize with was the grueling four-hour rehearsals that left her hoarse and sore at the end of the night. Beca’s voice wasn’t used to this much exercise and she was really beginning to struggle with the rehearsals.

Aubrey finally realized Beca’s struggle when they got to the second week of rehearsals. She felt bad that she hadn’t noticed it sooner, but Beca had never made any complaints. In fact, of all the girls, Beca was the easiest to work with because she never complained, which, Aubrey conceded, was probably unfair to Beca since she didn’t talk.

“Beca, bring your phone” Aubrey called as she waved Beca over at the end of their sixth rehearsal. Chloe watched them curiously. Beca had not sounded her best that day, and she was worried at what Aubrey was about to do. But instead, what happened left Chloe utterly dumbfounded.

Beca walked over to Aubrey with her head hung slightly, fully expecting to get laid into. Aubrey put two fingers under Beca’s chin to lift her gaze from the floor. “How is your throat?” she asked softly. Beca’s eyebrows shot to her hairline. “What? I care,” Aubrey laughed at the astonishment on Beca’s face.

Beca pulled out her cell phone and tapped out a response that Chloe couldn’t see from across the rehearsal space.

“I figured as much,” Aubrey said, nodding at what she read on her phone. Aubrey turned around and ran to her bag a few feet behind her and pulled out a grocery bag. Chloe had wondered what that was earlier today. Aubrey had left it sitting on their kitchen table and Chloe had looked through it just out of curiosity. It contained some pretty typical sore throat remedies—stuff like honey, tea, and lozenges. Aubrey handed the bag straight to Beca. “These should help some. Do you have a humidifier?”

Beca shook her head while Chloe looked on like Aubrey had just picked Beca up off the ground and piledrove her into the concreate. Beca discretely smirked in Chloe’s direction before returning her attention to Aubrey who was talking about the benefits of sleeping with a humidifier.

“I have one from when Chloe had strep throat last year if you want to borrow it?” Aubrey finished. She watched Beca tap out a response and then read her phone. “Okay, I’ll drop it by later tonight. What’s your dorm number?”

Beca sent Aubrey a quick response which caused the blonde to laugh, “You wish, Mitchell.”

The laugh from Aubrey made Beca smile which made Chloe smile as well. They rarely saw a genuine smile come from Beca. It was beautiful—blindingly so to Aubrey who froze when she felt her heart skip a beat. Chloe didn’t miss that reaction, and she frowned slightly.

“So those were for Beca?” Chloe asked when she’d finally left the gymnasium. Aubrey looked a little like a deer in the headlights at being caught.

“Yes,” Aubrey said. “I realized last night that a four-hour rehearsal was more vocal activity than Beca has had in a month. I wanted to be prepared in the event that it became too much for her. Which it did. You heard how her voice cracked today.”

Chloe’s heart softened at the kindness her girlfriend was showing the younger Bella. “Who would have thought, Aubrey Posen, certified softy,” Chloe tried to joke, though the smile didn’t quite seem real to Aubrey. She could see the fear in Chloe’s eyes, and she immediately felt terrible.

“Chloe,” Aubrey said walking over to where her girlfriend stood ready to leave. She reached hand up and brushed back a few strands of hair that had fallen loose from her ponytail during rehearsals. “You know I love you right?”

Chloe nodded and smiled. Of course, she knew Aubrey loved her. “It never hurts to hear you say it,” she whispered and leaned her cheek into the hand that now rested there. Aubrey pressed a sweet kiss against Chloe’s lips and Chloe said a quiet “I love you too” before they pulled apart and left for the night.

Whatever was happening between Aubrey and Beca weighed heavily in Chloe’s mind though. She didn’t even know they had each other’s phone numbers let alone that Beca had active conversations with her girlfriend. She felt sort of left out actually. Chloe was normally the one who made friends first, not Aubrey.

After a few more days, Aubrey could sense the growing fear in Chloe as she spent more of her attention on Beca. It wasn’t on purpose, but Aubrey couldn’t help the feeling of protectiveness she developed for the small Bella. She felt a kinship with Beca over their issues with anxiety, and it was nothing against Chloe, but Aubrey was sure that Chloe had never felt that level of internal conflict. Or, at least, Chloe had never been debilitated by it. And it felt so good to finally have someone in her life that understood it, even if she and Beca never talked about it.

Aubrey didn’t realize how bad it had gotten until she received a text from Beca about “needing her” and Chloe had nearly collapsed into tears when she read it off the blonde’s home screen. Aubrey had spent the next hour reassuring her distraught girlfriend of how much she loved her and that her and Beca were just friends. Obviously, there was more they needed to talk about, but even Chloe knew that for Beca to have texted Aubrey for help, it must have been important. Important enough that Chloe tagged along out of fear for the younger Bella. While Beca hadn’t necessarily opened up to Chloe the way she had with Aubrey, Chloe had still managed to climb her way past a couple of Beca’s walls. The constant physical affection had worn her down embarrassingly quick. But Beca tried not to read too much into it because Chloe was just like that. She was affectionate with everyone. It didn’t stop the butterflies though.

Chloe and Aubrey arrived at Beca’s dorm about an hour and a half after getting her text. Aubrey felt bad that they didn’t leave sooner, but Chloe had needed that time from Aubrey, and as her girlfriend, Chloe was priority number one.

Aubrey knocked on Beca’s door and called out her name. It opened little more than a second later, and Aubrey’s arms were full of a trembling Beca.

“Beca?” Aubrey asked quietly. “What’s wrong?”

There was no response from Beca. She wasn’t going to release Aubrey even if her life depended on it. Beca had been having an extremely hard day. It was the anniversary of her mother’s death and she was having a hard time dealing. She’d done her best during rehearsal that evening to hold herself together, but the minute she was alone in her dorm room, it had all come crashing down on her. The loneliness, the doubt, the anxiety. It all hit with the force of a semi-truck.

Aubrey, sensing that it would be some time before Beca calmed enough to be responsive, walked the girl backwards until they could close her dorm room door, and then lifted the girl up onto her bed and climbed up beside her. She curled into Aubrey’s side like she was trying to disappear. Chloe was watching it all with pain in her eyes, but she realized it was the pain of jealousy. It was pain caused by seeing someone you care about in pain. The realization caused something to click in Chloe and she understood Aubrey’s concern for the girl. Even if there were feelings involved, being there for Beca was about just that—being there for a girl who didn’t really have anyone else.

Chloe hopped up onto the bed next to Beca and scooted as close as she could get before dropping a kiss onto Beca’s shoulder. They sat like that for half an hour before Beca stopped shaking and her breath evened out. Aubrey thought she must have fallen asleep until Beca sat up and jumped down off the bed to grab her phone. She tapped out a quick message and both Chloe and Aubrey pulled their phones out when they heard separate dings.

I guess I owe you guys an explanation huh? Beca couldn’t even look at them. She was staring at the floor.

“Sweetheart, you don’t owe us anything,” Chloe was the first to talk. “If you’re upset, we’ll be here for you, no strings attached, no explanations required.”

Beca went to respond, but Aubrey leaned forward and put her hand over the screen after sensing the response she was about to get from Beca. “She’s right, Becs,” Aubrey said. “You don’t owe us anything. We are here because we both care about you—so much,” she added. Aubrey linked eyes with Chloe and at that moment all the confusion they had regarding Beca cleared away, and Aubrey knew they had an understanding about the role Beca held in their life. They would need to talk about it soon, but that didn’t matter right now. What mattered right now was making sure that Beca was okay.

“But,” Aubrey continued. “If you want to talk about it, we will listen.”

Beca watched the two girls in front of her. They were having a silent conversation, and something happened between them because Beca watched the clarity that swept across Chloe’s face. It almost felt like the sunshine coming out after rain, and Beca had realized how closed off Chloe had become recently around her. Beca hesitantly reached out and grabbed Chloe’s hand to squeeze it for assurance. Surprised, Chloe met Beca’s eyes then glanced down at their joined hands. Beca had never initiated before. Beca turned her eyes to Aubrey’s and took a deep breath trying to quell the storm in her stomach. It was almost like Chloe was lending her strength, because Beca could feel her voice, ready and pushing to be free. Feeling compelled to speak was a strange feeling for Beca, one she hadn’t felt since her mother was alive.

Beca swallowed heavily. “M-my mom d-died t-today,” she stuttered and pushed her gaze to the floor feeling a blush creep up her neck. Aubrey felt like the wind was knocked out of her at the sound of Beca’s voice. Chloe, still holding Beca’s hand, pulled the girl into a crushing hug and sighed into her shoulder. She didn’t know what to say to the younger woman. She didn’t feel like it really mattered what she would say anyway. It’s not like she knew what Beca was going through. She was so overjoyed at hearing Beca speak that anything she managed to say would probably be inappropriate anyway.

Aubrey made eye contact with Beca over Chloe’s shoulder. “Thank you,” she said. “For telling us. I know how hard it must have been to share with us.”

Beca knew she wasn’t just talking about her mother, but she just nodded. The compulsion she felt to speak had waned after her utterance, and now she was left to speak silently again.

“Chloe,” Aubrey said sternly. When she didn’t get a response, she tapped her girlfriend on her head. “Let go of the poor girl, she probably needs to breathe.”

With a quiet laugh, Chloe released Beca and leaned back. There were tears in her eyes and she wiped at them quickly. “Sorry.” She smiled. “I’m a crier.”

“Somehow, I don’t think she’s surprised,” Aubrey said smiling at Beca who shook her head and tentatively returned the smile.

“Are you okay?” Aubrey asked watching the maelstrom of emotions that was swirling behind Beca’s eyes.

I think so. The response popped up on Aubrey and Chloe’s phones.

“Do you want us to stay?” Chloe asked. She could see the hesitation in Beca’s eyes. “We would like to stay anyway. We would be too worried to go home now…”

The admission seemed to surprise Beca, but she didn’t question it after seeing the sincerity in Chloe’s eyes and the barely-there nod from Aubrey.

Beca grabbed her laptop and shuffled back onto the bed. She tried to sit beside Chloe to avoid being between the couple, but Chloe promptly pulled Beca over her lap and back between her and Aubrey. Beca flushed a little bit, but didn’t argue. She opened the laptop and pulled up her Netflix account before typing into a note on the side of the screen asking what they wanted to watch. They spent the night huddled together on the twin-sized bed watching some reality tv show that Aubrey and Chloe insisted that Beca needed to see. At around midnight, both girls noticed that Beca seemed to have passed out between them, leaning heavily against Chloe, leaving them to stew in their thoughts together.

“What do you think this means?” Chloe was the first to break the silence. Aubrey just looked at her waiting for her to continue. “I mean, she spoke today Bree! That’s got to mean something right?”

“I think she trusts us,” Aubrey said quietly as she examined Beca’s face. The brunette was peaceful right now. There were no worry lines or smirks, she was just relaxed. Chloe nodded, another question on the tip of her tongue.

“What does this mean for us?” Chloe’s eyes avoided Aubrey’s, instead choosing to exam one of Kimmy Jin’s posters on the far wall. When Aubrey didn’t answer, she returned her gaze to the blonde and raised an eyebrow. Aubrey’s face was soft as she looked at Beca. Chloe could clearly see the love in her eyes, but this time she didn’t feel jealous.

“It doesn’t mean anything if you don’t want it to,” Aubrey said locking her gaze onto Chloe’s.

Chloe sighed. That didn’t really help her figure out what was going on. “You’re going to fall in love with her, Bree.”

“I already love you,” she said without missing a beat. “What about you? I’ve seen how you look at her Chlo. You get all gooey, just like you do with me.”

“I don’t know,” Chloe said. She passed a hand through Beca’s hair, and the girl hummed in her sleep causing both women to smile. They met eyes over her head and Chloe nodded. “I guess yeah, I could see myself falling for her. But she doesn’t need me the way she needs you.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” Aubrey said gesturing to Beca’s hand which had fisted Chloe’s t-shirt. In fact, Beca was only a limb movement or two away from full on koala hugging Chloe, and it made Aubrey laugh.

“So, what do we do?” Chloe asked as she laid her hand over Beca’s on her stomach. “I love you Aubrey. Nothing, no one, is ever going to change that. I’ve always planned on marrying you and spending the rest of our lives together.”

Aubrey smiled and leaned over Beca to press a kiss to Chloe’s forehead. “Nothing is going to change that,” Aubrey agreed.

“Are we willing to go for it then?” Chloe asked.

“Maybe we should clarify what you mean by go for it first?” Aubrey said, ever the thinker.

“Like, do we tell Beca that we’re sorta falling in love with her?” Chloe clarified.

“I don’t want to hurt you anymore,” Aubrey said. Her eyes were cast down and her shoulders sank as she said it. “Every time you looked at me like I was betraying you for Beca, killed me a little. I never meant to. I just have this feeling,” Aubrey said and paused. “It’s like—”

“You want to protect her,” Chloe finished. “You care about her Aubrey. It’s okay. I care about her too… I think we should just do it.”

Aubrey looked at her, not quite sure if Chloe was serious.

“I don’t want to live my life wondering Bree,” Chloe said. “If this could be something, I want to know it. And then, if it doesn’t work, we will still have each other.”

Aubrey nodded. “Okay..”

“Really?” Chloe’s face broke out into a grin and she had to keep from squealing quietly, afraid of waking the sleeping Bella. Aubrey nodded again with a smile. Chloe’s own was infectious.

The two women did their best to readjust themselves so that they all could sleep laying down on Beca’s single bed. At this point, there was no way they were leaving the younger woman alone—not that Beca would let them. The second Chloe had tried to move, Beca’s other hand caught her shirt in an equally tight grip. It was honestly the cutest thing either of them had ever seen. But it made things a little more difficult for Chloe to lay down. She took it in stride though. Eventually she was able to maneuver herself and Beca around so that she could lay straight back pull Beca onto her chest leaving enough room for Aubrey to sleep beside them. Neither of them even thought to wonder where Beca’s roommate was.

The next morning Beca woke sweating from the amount of heat surrounding her. She tried to sit up only to be caught by an arm pulling her back down. Aubrey it seemed had pulled Beca off of Chloe in her sleep and now the three were spooning with Beca in the middle. Aubrey mumbled something about it being too early and Beca glanced behind her to see that her alarm clock read 9AM.

She groaned. Her dad was going to kill her for missing class again, but the thought was soon forgotten when Aubrey pulled Beca even tighter against her and laid a sleepy kiss on her forehead. Beca blushed brightly and was thankful that neither girl was awake to witness her struggle.

After a couple more minutes of trying to escape Aubrey’s grasp, Beca gave up and settled in to wait until the girls work up. Chloe was the first one to stir about twenty minutes later. She turned in her sleep to see Beca pouting slightly at her and she had to keep from laughing at her.

“Aubrey has a death grip in the morning,” Chloe whispered. Beca rolled her eyes like that was the most obvious thing Chloe had ever said. Aubrey moved slightly in her sleep and Beca’s eyes went wide as she glanced down slightly. This time Chloe really did laugh. Aubrey had managed to slip her hand under Beca’s shirt and was resting against her stomach, just over her belly button.

“Alright Aubrey,” Chloe finally said, full volume. “Time to let poor Beca go. You’re going to give her an aneurism if you keep this up.”

Aubrey’s mouth formed a smile as she opened her eyes. She’d been awake most of the last ten or so minutes having woken during Beca’s last attempt to get away. “Sorry,” she whispered. Beca shot her a glare. Aubrey wasn’t sorry at all and grinned.

Aubrey released Beca, despite wanting to lay there forever, and sat up to run her hands through her hair. Beca jumped around Aubrey and off of the bed. She grabbed her phone before stumbling out of the room. Chloe raised her eyebrows after Beca, but turned her attention to her phone when she heard it ping.

Had to pee.

Chloe laughed. “She’ll be right back.”

“Remind me not to sleep in jeans again,” Aubrey said as she slid off the bed. Lines dented the skin across her stomach and she rubbed them with a frown.

A minute or so later Beca stepped back into the room with a small smile on her face. She scratched the back of her head before looking up at the two women who had spent the night in her bed.

Sorry you guys had to sleep on my tiny bed.

“No problem, Becs,” Chloe said practically bouncing on the mattress. “We wanted to be here.”

“Actually,” Aubrey said, eyeing Chloe on the bed and the way Beca seemed particularly fascinated with the floor. “We kind of want to talk to you.”

Terror flashed across Beca’s face and she started to type a message onto her phone. Aubrey let her finish and glanced at it before facing Beca.

“It’s nothing bad,” Aubrey said and reached out to grab her hand. “I promise. In fact, hopefully, it’ll be something pretty great.”

Beca raised an eyebrow first at Aubrey and then to Chloe, hoping she would explain.

“It’s good,” Chloe said reaching out to grab Beca’s hands from Aubrey’s. Beca nodded slowly, allowing Chloe to pull her up onto the bed. Aubrey grabbed her desk chair and pushed in front of Beca before taking a seat.

Aubrey cleared her throat and clasped her hands in front of herself. “Chloe and I,” she said glancing over to her girlfriend. “Realized something yesterday, or last night rather. We know this may seem like a shock, but you’ve come to mean a lot to us in the last three weeks.”

“Like a lot, a lot,” Chloe added. Aubrey smirked because she knew the redhead was trying so hard to keep herself from bouncing next to Beca. Then she nodded and returned to Beca’s gaze.

“You know we’re together,” Aubrey stated and Beca nodded her head. Her eyes narrowed slightly. “You’re pretty much the only person who does know,” Aubrey added. “And we were wondering how you feel about us?” Each word Aubrey spoke was long and drawn out and Chloe almost felt the need to smack the back of her head to shake the words out.

Beca tilted her head back with a sigh. She hoped they would never bring this up. She was embarrassed. She shouldn’t have feelings for one woman in a relationship, let alone two.

“Becs, just be honest with us,” Chloe said tipping Beca’s head down to meet her eyes. After a second of eye contact with Chloe, Beca reached for her phone and typed out a haste message.

I’m sorry. I never meant to feel anything for either of you. I mean, I barely know you. What kind of crazy person falls for two women in a relationship with each other?

Aubrey quirked her lips as she read the message. This could work. They had a chance. “Beca,” Aubrey said. “We don’t want you to feel guilty about anything. We wanted to know because we genuinely care about you.”

“Like, care, about you,” Chloe tried to clarify, but only succeeded in making Beca more confused.

“What she means to say,” Aubrey said after sending a sharp look Chloe’s way. “Is that we both have feelings for you—romantic feelings.”

Beca let out a heavy breath and her eyes widened as she looked at Aubrey. She wasn’t serious right? Like, that wasn’t a thing—that couldn’t be a thing could it? She breathed deeply trying to calm her over-excited heart. She could hear the blood rushing in her ears and she almost felt a little faint, but then Aubrey was there in front of her holding Beca’s hand to her chest and she felt her breaths slowing down. She gave an apologetic grimace to Aubrey as she pulled away.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Aubrey said. “We did kind of just spring this on you with no warning. We’ve had a little time to get used to the idea.”

What does it even mean if you BOTH have feelings for me? Beca typed.

“Well,” Chloe said, taking the lead and speaking a little clearer this time. “We were hoping you might like to try dating us.”

“Both of us,” Aubrey added point between them. “But we would still be dating each other as well.”

Like a three-way.

Chloe smirked and opened her mouth to say what Aubrey anticipated as a lewd comment so jumped in ahead of her.

“Yes,” she explained. “We would all be dating each other. We would make up ground rules and communicate to make sure that no one feels left out or jealous, of course.”

“We don’t want to pressure you,” Aubrey continued. “If you need time to think about it, we understand.”

Beca nodded her head. I don’t think I need time.

“Oh…” Aubrey said. Disappointment marred her facial expression as she assumed the worst.

Ask me again.

“What?” Aubrey said, staring at her phone.

Ask me again. She repeated.

“Beca,” Chloe said hopefully, catching Beca’s blue eyes with her own. “Will you be ours?”

“Okay,” she said.