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To put it lightly, Josuke was nervous.
He was Higashikata fucking Josuke. After all he’d been through, nothing should’ve phased him- except for this.
In the days leading up to Christmas, he had constantly been distracted by the thought of what he knew he had to do. In a way, it had always occupied a corner of his mind, but now that he’d finally steeled his nerves and decided it was time to do something about it, he was more restless than ever.
His friends knew him well- when Josuke had startled at the sound of their idle chatter for the third time in one conversation, they knew something was going on.
Despite their best efforts to coax a fidgety, unfocused, and profusely sweating Josuke to talk, their efforts had been futile.
This was something Josuke needed to do alone and unassisted.
Josuke had always worn his heart on his sleeve; he couldn’t stand the secrecy any longer.
Forget wishing, forget pining, forget the sleepless nights filled with hopeless fantasies where Rohan loved Josuke in return.
This Christmas, Josuke would tell Rohan how he felt about him.
At the risk of his pride, his heart, and his dignity, he would tell the other man just how astronomically much he meant to him.
It had been years since certain incidents had transpired, Rohan’s house was in much better shape, and the town’s safety had been restored since Kira’s defeat. Josuke had graduated along with his friends, who he was elated to find out were also home for the holiday season, and enthusiastically taken up his pursuit of a degree.
And yet sometimes, Josuke still felt like the scared kid of sixteen who’d faced off against a serial killer. There were nights where Josuke felt his old wounds flare up, and nights where he’d wake up from dreams haunted by flashes of the past.
Life had seemingly moved on, but sometimes Josuke felt as if he couldn’t move on with it.
This Christmas was a promise to that scared kid from his past- a promise that Josuke had come a long way in four years’ time, that he would continue to grow and heal, and that fear would never get the better of him.
So he was going to swallow his fear and tell Rohan how he felt.
At the thought of the artist, a wave of fondness washed over Josuke. Despite what had happened, Rohan was one good thing to come from Josuke’s past- though the other man had become so much more to him now.
What had begun as tentative tolerance and mutual respect following the events of one summer had become the kind of companionship that Josuke never realised he craved so desperately.
Rohan was still the same prickly, eccentric artist he’d always been, but over the years, Josuke had begun to see the passionate, brilliant man Rohan truly was. Rohan had let Josuke into his life, and it was something he’d be forever grateful for.
They had spent countless afternoons together in Rohan’s studio, they called so often that Josuke had practically memorised the other man’s voice, they knew each other’s coffee orders, favourite songs, first kisses and deepest regrets- hell, they had fought for each other’s lives more than once.
Rohan was bright passion and chiding warmth and hidden sweetness; his company was a place of comfort and understanding. Josuke couldn’t get enough.
So that was why, on Christmas Eve, after the most intense session of overthinking in his entire life, Josuke had steeled his nerves and called Rohan up to ask if he could pay him a visit. To Josuke’s immense relief, Rohan had said yes.
Thankfully, Josuke was staying at his mother’s for the holidays, so it wouldn’t take too long to reach Rohan’s house if he walked. Tomoko had agreed that the artist deserved some company on Christmas Eve, and ushered him out the door with cheerful words of encouragement.
Little did she know, Josuke needed the confidence now more than ever.
The walk to Rohan’s wasn’t far, but the snowfall refused to let up, and the ground was already blanketed in white. Josuke was suddenly relieved that even in his state of distractedness, he’d grabbed a pair of snow-appropriate shoes and not one of his more expensive pairs.
Whether everyone was celebrating the holiday with friends and family or just seeking shelter from the cold, it meant Josuke had the streets to himself. In a way, it made the walk strangely peaceful. The lack of noise gave Josuke some much-needed space to think as he trudged through the snow.
Before long, Josuke found himself running over part of his conversation with Rohan in his head.
“Rohan?” He’d left off the honorific in his nervousness.
“What is it?”
“I was wondering if you’d like to, uh, if you’re free of course, dunno if this is a dumb thing to ask seeing as it’s Christmas and all, but-”
He had practically heard Rohan pinch the bridge of his nose as he sighed.
“Out with it, Josuke.”
“Mind if I, uh, swing by yours tonight? I still gotta give you your present, and there’s something I gotta talk to you about.”
There had been an utterly terrifying beat of silence before Rohan had responded.
“Alright, be there at ten sharp. I shouldn’t be busy after that.” That had been that, and Rohan had trailed off onto a new topic of conversation, blissfully unaware of Josuke’s nervousness.
A few years ago, Josuke would’ve second-guessed himself in the face of Rohan’s reticence, but he’d come to understand that Rohan genuinely enjoyed the company of his friends, even if he had trouble expressing it sometimes. The artist was much better at expressing affection through means other than words, which was something Josuke found utterly endearing about him. As a result, Rohan gave pretty damn amazing gifts, which had motivated Josuke to try his absolute best to find the perfect Christmas present for the other man. He knew right off the bat that nothing material would phase Rohan. The man was absolutely loaded; anything Josuke could think to buy for him, Rohan could just go buy himself.
Josuke knew he couldn’t give Rohan something material. And so, after more perilous overthinking, he had deduced that the best gift he could give Rohan was an experience- something new and exciting and full of material for his manga.
The concert tickets he had bought were tucked safely away into his jacket pocket, which Josuke patted just to make sure. It would’ve been just like him to leave something behind in his distractedness. He tended to get that way when there was something he was particularly set on.
Josuke was drawn out of his thoughts at the sight of a house up ahead, partly covered in a layer of snow. He knew the route so well by now, he’d practically been on autopilot the entire walk to Rohan’s.
Josuke willed himself forward as he took the final steps towards Rohan’s house. The usual excitement at seeing the other man was accompanied by a nervousness that made his head spin, which prompted Josuke to stop at the top of the stairs on Rohan’s porch and take a moment to breathe.
It was now or never.
Josuke took a deep breath, and raised his hand to knock on Rohan’s door.
To Josuke’s surprise, the door promptly swung open from the inside.
Rohan stepped out from the entryway to lean on the doorframe, giving Josuke a curious once-over.
Josuke grinned once he laid eyes on Rohan, bundled up in a cosy sweater, hands tucked into the folds of his sleeves.
“Aw, Rohan, were you cold?”
Rohan huffed in response. “It’s just comfortable. My heating system works perfectly well.”
Josuke had no idea how the man could be so damn endearing about something so simple.
“Well, it’s kinda cold out here, so I’m glad to hear it.”
Rohan rolled his eyes at Josuke, but the hint of a smile on his lips betrayed his fondness for the other man. “Get in here, Higashikata.”
That show of fondness gave Josuke the confidence he needed.
Rohan deserved to know how much he meant to him.
Josuke bit his lip. He had to do this.
“Uh, actually, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about first.” Josuke made himself look Rohan in the eye.
“What is it? If it’s about that last set of prints I wanted to get done while you were over, don’t worry about it, it was better to get them done when I had the proper time for it, and they turned out so well my editor personally requested a copy-”
Rohan’s rambling cut off as Josuke surged forward and wrapped the other man in a tight hug.
Josuke spoke slowly, and willed confidence into his voice.
“Rohan, I came to tell you that I really care about you.” He took a breath. “You’re important to me, and I trust you, and I like spending time with you.”
Josuke felt Rohan go still in his arms, and glanced down in concern.
He had expected suspicion, or worse, disgust, but he wasn’t prepared for the unguarded surprise on Rohan’s face.
Or the way Rohan leant further into the warmth of his embrace and buried his face against Josuke’s chest.
“I’m glad you came,” Rohan almost whispered. “Go on.”
As the words registered, Josuke didn’t dare move.
“I love you, Rohan.”
Josuke felt Rohan shake against him, but quickly realised that he was laughing.
“You have no idea how badly I wanted to hear you say that.”
Josuke stared at Rohan in open shock.
“I love you too, Josuke.”
Rohan was almost thrown off-balance by the force of Josuke embracing him tighter once again.
He accepted defeat and wrapped his arms around Josuke in return as best he could.
“It’s getting cold out here, we should go inside.”
Josuke’s wide grin was almost audible. “Yeah. I’d like that.”