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Shi Qingxuan stares at the Game in motion, and the determined look in her friend’s eyes. She just knows that this isn’t going to end well.
“Your Highness,” she badgers, because usually that old nickname would buck Xie Lian out of concentration zone and calls for a thunderstorm, effectively immediately. “Your Highness, I don’t think this is a game that we should” or can “be a part of.”
The nickname falls through to Xie Lian carefully reading the mood of the game and grilling the staff on the mechanics of how it works and Shi Qingxuan sighs. They’re never going to leave. This quest is never getting completed and Ling Wen will have their heads on a silver platter and displayed in a row of Stupid Demigods Who Didn’t Complete Their Quests On Time to Prevent Worldwide Misfortunes.
“Shh,” Xie Lian waves him off, distracted. “So I just roll a die?” He asks the harassed worker who sighs for about the millionth time.
Yin Yu, the name tag reads, intones carefully but also with the vague implications of can you leave me be now. “Yes, sir.
Xie Lian is given two dies, the cubes jostling in his rough palms. He suddenly looks up, at Shi Qingxuan first, but that fervent look just tapers off to generally - and frantically looking, searching for something.
“Your Highness -” she chastises after him, as the son of Zeus suddenly lunges at a guy passing by, grabbing him by the elbow. “Don’t just do that!” She squeaks, afraid that they’ve grabbed at a god or something, who knows, and now they’ve just risked the wrath of another deity while on this quest.
Leaving no room to talk or to ask, Xie Lian simply moves to grabbing the guy with his big hands, peering up at the tall, willowy, twinky, maybe-god who flicks the visible eye not covered by an eyepatch down at Qingxuan’s dumb friend, like he’s considering which death is most befitting of this runt who dares to even breathe in his presence, let alone touch him.
“Xie -” Qingxuan only has time to bark out before Xie Lian very much demands, up at the guy -
“How lucky are you?”
Everything suddenly holds their breath - Shi Qingxuan especially - as the twink in red fluidly shifts to ease his hands out of Xie Lian’s determined bear grab, only to wrap around a wrist, an impish line that could be a smile if it wasn’t so evil, splattered all over his mouth.
“Oh?” He murmurs, leaning down. “How can I offer my services?”
Xie Lian didn’t promptly freak out and send the equivalent of a tornado through the Lotus Hotel, though a lamp did explode in the background, falling onto the nice carpet and sizzling through the overload of current feeding into it. The God in Red very much is still here, holding onto her friend like a worthy hero had sacrificed enough bulls to boost his name to become a household figure, chains and bells tinkling as he moves down, deliberately, with the grace of a predator, towards the unsuspecting friend
The friend is Xie Lian. He’s going to be eaten whole, no body to be recovered.
“I need to play a game,” Xie Lian very bravely explains, even if he’s slowly lighting up from buildup of nervous energy. “But I have terrible luck, so I was wondering if you could help.”
“And what would I gain from this, little hero?” The Twink demurs, like there is a lot of height difference between them.
Xie Lian blinks, like he hasn’t gotten to that part of his made-up plan yet. Shi Qingxuan better stop whatever dumbass promise he lets slip, otherwise it’s going to be ba-
“A favour. Something in my capacity. I will fulfil it. I swear on the Styx.”
Okay. Okay now it officially had gotten as bad as it can get.
“Acceptable,” the God declares, rising up to his full height, bells accompanying his every movement, jewellery and chains and ornaments an entire orchestra of bells. “Now, what do you need me to do?”
At that point, maybe Xie Lian’s brain started to come back into his thick, muscly head, because he looks right at Qingxuan, like he remembered something important, like their fucking quest, before he drags the god over to the casino table, Yin Yu the die tosser looking like he really should have run out the backdoor when Xie Lian was busy shortcurcuiting electrical appliances on fire.
“Honourable sir!” Xie Lian declares, hand still wrapped tight around the god’s thin wrist. Gods, this guy is so thin he could fit through an air vent. “I’m here to play the Game!”
What is this game that they’re even playing? She has to stop this mess before it deteriorates, as it does, whenever she’s with Xie Lian. The idiot duo are stuck in a literal cage. The two of them have to find the stupid key, break the idiots out, get the jade fan, and haul ass. It’s not that hard, but here they are, with His Highness, and suddenly everything is a Problem.
“A toss, hero, and we shall determine your luck,” Yin Yu informs him softly, lifting an eyebrow when he meets with the eye of the captive god, by choice, behind Xie Lian.
“Good!” Her friend declares, before yanking out his hand, closing a fist around the two dices.
Why does she feel like it’s going to go very badly from here?
“Can you blow on these dice, please?” He asks, no shame in his face, as everything again goes on distinct silence.
Xie Lian. Oh Xie Lian. What the fuck are you doing, Xie Lian?
“If the handsome demigod insists,” the god shrugs, bending to hover his lips by the battle-worn fist.
Xie Lian’s eyes are set, a determined frown on his mouth. “I insist.”
“Then it is my duty to comply,” the god smiles, touching his lips - and not blowing on the dice as per the arrangement - to the fist. Xie Lian wastes no time in hurling the dice across the casino table, all the while loading those cubes up with latent electricity - and boom, things are now on fire, there are holes in the carpet and people are running and screaming.
Everything is in pandemonium. Xie Lian jumps on a casino table, breaking free from the god and yanking the key to the cage holding half of their quest mates imprison, as Shi Qingxuan breaks into a sprint alongside him, people and things colliding away from him. Xie Lian had completely ditched all sense of heroic decorum, fending Lotus Hotel employees aside with a drinking tray sizzling with electricity while Shi Qingxuan yells at him to get down, we have to go now, Your Highness!
“Catch!” Xie Lian tosses her the key and makes some complicated hand sign for her to break the idiots out and leave. “Go get them!”
“What are you doing then?!” She demands, sending off tables and chairs in gusts of wind.
“The fan!” He yells back, swerving to the left and dodging under a billiard table, emerging with a cue stick.
She wants to swear at him. She really does. One day. One day she’ll pinch him so hard one of his cheeks will be a different colour to the other.
“You better be at the entrance, Xie Lian!”
---
Okay so let’s recap -
Idiots: Rescued, jail-broken, out
Self: intact, only psychologically stressed out
Car, means of transportation away from here: Broken into, there’s a key, she’s driving
Xie Lian: ?
Hotel: trivago
“We’re literally never leaving,” Mu Qing grumbles from the backseat, even as he straps himself in.
“Where’s the fan held in?” she asks, hands tight around the steering wheel. This is one of those automatic cars. No need to jam in keys or anything. It’s just set and go.
“Bit further in the back, in the gallery,” Mu Qing automatically answers, then frowns. Feng Xin sits up enough for his face to be visible next to Mu Qing’s knee, squinting at her.
“You’re not thinking of,” he asks from the Knee, not even bothering with sitting on the car seats. “That, are you?”
She’s very much thinking of it.
Making significant eye contact with Mu Qing, she nods, his scream barely audible with how sudden she jumps onto the gas pedal as the car takes off, crashing onto tables and doors and walls, ploughing people out of the way. They can’t get hurt. They’re immortal while they’re in the hotel. They can get over it.
"Slower, slower!" Feng Xin barks from the back as Mu Qing goes very green in the face, clutching his throat as his eyes cross over. "You're gonna kill someone!"
She slams the steering wheel to the right as the tyres bump down a set of stairs, jostling them up and down.
"They can't die anyways!" She screams, throwing all occupants of this unfortunate car ride to the left as the brightly lit corridor reveals itself.
"But we will?!" Feng Xin continues barking. "We're not immortal, mad woman."
"Nobody can die in here anyways!" She screams back, jamming her elbow out the window to blast away falling glass.
"Doesn't mean it won't hurt when we get maimed?" Feng Xin returns the sentiments, just as aggressive and paranoid.
She would care, she would give him the time of the day, but she is seeing the fan in a display cabinet, as a horde of screaming hotel lodgers scramble up the steps, Xie Lian at the forefront of it. Yelling a passing whoops more to Mu Qing than Feng Xin, she steps so hard on the pedal that the tyres lift off the ground, the car roaring at Xie Lian.
"Wait wait wait wait -!" Mu Qing puts his nausea to the backseat to start hyperventilating. "What are you doin -"
But Xie Lian is simply scooped out of the way by a familiar figure in red, bells and chains tinkling in a cascade as leather boots land on the bonnet, heels scuffing the spray job. She slams immediately on the brakes, jostling not the idiots on the bonnet but the idiots inside the car with seatbelts, swerving to a stop after smashing through one vase in a display glass cabinet. The seatbelts relent their grips on those who have the belts slashed across their chest, with Feng Xin clinging onto the front seat like a koala because he didn't heed safety precautions when she told him to do the one thing.
"Were you trying to kill him?" Feng Xin's shrill shriek comes at full force, right at her ear.
"You drive next time then!" She barks back, heart still in her throat, as the boots step off the bonnet, knocking in amusement at the driver window.
The Twink God, with Xie Lian coughing up a fit in his arm, smiles at the three in the car, mouth like a cat who just caught fresh meat for dinner and about to feast.
"Hello there," he greets pleasantly, like this is something normal. "I believe you were looking for your friend."
He says, as he hands over Xie Lian who tumbles face first into the car door if not for the god tugging him back up by his shirt collar.
"Let him go," Mu Qing hisses, sounding purple - and looking the part - in the face.
The God doesn't give him the time of the day. "So clumsy, aiya," he chides fondly. She is shuddering. She is shuddering and Feng Xin can see it. "Must I tuck you inside as well?"
Xie Lian's brain at that point must have come back to his body, because about twelve different expressions storm through his face, none of them good, before he flails out of the god's hold and nearly hits himself across the face trying to get into the front seat. The idiot duo in the back have started an entire hissing musical number, harmony and melody present, as the god steps aside, sweeping his arm grandly.
"Why are you helping us," she squints, as she shifts gear, one eye on the faintly glowing fan tucked inside Xie Lian's jumper.
"Because I wanted to," the answering grin is sharp and it could cut diamonds. "And also when pretty boys ask me to help them, I usually say yes."
Shi Qingxuan isn't going to start a fight with a god in the middle of a ploughed through gallery of previously intact artworks, choosing to instead drives slowly up the stairs to the side entry of the casino, eyeing the strolling god all the while. Dodgy or not, he did help, at the expense of Xie Lian, not that neither party is complaining, as her friend is muttering quickly under his breath, making the speedometer jolt with the nervous crackle of energy he is letting loose.
"Hey," she tells him. The feet tapping works. "Thank you for all that. You did a good job."
The god bids them a quiet goodbye as she eases out, but then a part of Xie Lian's brain also returns to the body, for he rolls down the window and twists his torso, yelling back at the god.
“Wait! That makes it two favours I owed you!"
The guy only waves back at them, a snap of the wrist. "I don't charge for things I did out of my own volition, your highness. Stay safe on your quest. I'll see you sooner or later."
Then he disappears into a silver explosion of disintegrating butterflies as the idiot entourage rolls out of the Lotus Hotel and back out into the real world.
Feng Xin waits about ten minutes - really, that's huge for him, before he pokes his head onto Xie Lian's shoulder, whispering.
"You just signed your soul to a god of death. I hope you're bloody ready for the consequences."
A streetlight flutters and the bulb shatters as Xie Lian squeaks, clasping his hands to his chest.
"A-Xin!" He chides, voice high.
Shi Qingxuan turns on the radio, lips pursed. "He did princess carry you out of danger."
"And into his arms when you die," Mu Qing points out, part of this conversation now.
Xie Lian wails hard enough to almost blow the lights out from some fancy rich people house that they drive by, with Shi Qingxuan muttering that's rough, buddy on top of Feng Xin's lecturing.
---
Back at the hotel, Yin Yu eyes the destruction the demigods wrecked with a sigh that is sheer exhaustion with a note of why wouldn't this happen today. Something lands softly by his right to peer at the fractured card table, the result of a stolen car ploughing through the gaming hall.
Hua Cheng whistles, impressed. "What a mean track."
Yin Yu doesn't look at him though his voice is piercing. "You let them escape."
"Not my quest, not my problem," he can hear the shrug. "Besides, I'll collect them later on anyways, at ge's palace, why stress now?"
"You're just going what, up to the Hotel when it suits you, help some boy cheat at a game you rigged and then let them escape with the fan you helped your brother hid," the minor god recounts, irritation bleeding into confusion as he lists out the sequence of events. "What exactly do you get out of this, my lord?"
"Nothing but decadent fun, my friend," Hua Cheng giggles, like he is 15 and not 1870, which he is nearing. "See you next week."
Yin Yu sighs, summoning a mop. "Just say you got to meet someone interesting. I'm not going to judge. You never get to have fun, my lord, who are you fooling?"
---
At the entrance to the Underworld, Shi Qingxuan turns to his friend, the dumb, lovable moron Xie Lian, to ask the Important Question.
"Why'd you pick the guy at the casino?"
Xie Lian stares back at him. "I was pulling a Helen. I don’t have luck, so I needed external intervention. You know pretty people always have the best luck."
"Helen started a ten year siege against Troy, which was then razed to the ground," Feng Xin helpfully adds in. "Not the best example to follow, Your Highness."
"Just say the guy was hot and you wanted to tap that," Mu Qing understandably chimes in, as Xie Lian goes very red in the face.
"I wasn't -"
But Feng Xin had already shoved him aside, bowing to the approaching deity, a warm torch in her grip. She bows to the bumbling band of baffled baboons (them) and gestures to a branching tunnel, spiralling away from the Styx.
"Brave," and stupid "heroes. Please, this way. The king and imperial consort await your presence."
Mu Qing seizes Xie Lian and Feng Xin by their collars, marching decisively forward.
"If we die, I'm throwing you two as human shields in front of me," he promises.
---
"Oh," is all Xie Lian says, when the five of them arrive at the hall and the Twink God Dude waves from behind the throne of the king of the underground realms, Luo Binghe.
"Ah shit," Feng Xin eloquently adds to the subdued intonation, mostly because this is a thing now. Xie Lian is going to die in the Underworld and they will have to badger for a skull back to give to Ling Wen.
"Heroes," Luo Binghe intones, tone varying from amused to downright disdain. "Your presence had been guaranteed by my good brother. I believe there is a gift to be presented to my spouse."
Shi Qingxuan, the sole brain cell in operation, presents the pristine fan, which is then snatched up and inspected so quickly he barely has time to announce its titles. The fluttering robes of the consort and soft murmurs of delight ring overhead, as he lifts up his head to cringe at the scene before him, the consort petting the underground god and a tank of a man purring into his small hands.
The Twink God peels himself, fluid and easy, down to their level, impish grin on his lips still. Suddenly, there is a protective barrier around Xie Lian, as the idiots have moved in around him, eyes on the sauntering god.
"Rest easy," he informs them. "I meant no harm."
"What if you kill him or like, keep him to yourself," Qingxuan points out reasonably.
"Would you like that?" The visible eye pins Xie Lian behind him into place, but even he felt the weight of that gaze. Gods in heaven and hell, Your Highness. You breathe and then suddenly gods and men fall at your feet. You will be struck down by love herself if you're not careful.
"We can talk," Xie Lian weakly offers.
"We will chaperone," Mu Qing's voice demands. "And that is not a request."
"It suits me just fine," the god shrugs, chains falling like a million birds yelling. "Your name, darling hero?"
"Darling?" Feng Xin balks, as Qingxuan elbows him away from the pair as they take off to the underground garden, famous for its eerie beauty.
"He's entering the blacklist as we speak," Mu Qing adds in.
"You two are too pessimistic. Let him flirt with the cute god," he fusses over them and they seemingly get too confused trying to process the sentence before they hear a soft question from their own idiot -
"What should I call you, dear god?"
"We're literally going to have to leave without him," Feng Xin sighs, knowing his fate.
Shi Qingxuan watches with a sort of horrified realisation when watching a train wreck before his eyes, zoning out Feng Xin's complaints. Nobody is leaving anyone behind. Ohana means family and family means nobody gets left behind. Even if they've entered a god's blacklist.
"I'm the third born son of my family, so call me -"
"San Lang!" Chirps Xie Lian, before a crack of lightning booms overhead as he realises what he just said, out loud, to an echoing cavern where at least five other people can hear him loud and clear. Of all the nicknames. He had to go and choose beloved.
They are not leaving because he can see another twin chronicle of The Great Wooing (Kidnapping) of Consort Shen unfolding before his eyes. They're literally in Hades. That's half the story done already. Might as well start settling in. They're in the Underworld. Who can kill them in a way that would matter?
"You okay with this?" Mu Qing demands, hand raising for his dagger.
Shi Qingxuan slaps him away, sighing, aggrieved. "As long as he's happy. Leave them alone."