Archive of Our Own

The thing about Poe, and being around Poe, is that since almost the moment they met he’s elicited some weird feeling in the pit of Finn’s stomach. A tug, almost. Like he has his own gravitational pull. 

Finn first noticed it that day on D’Qar, when he found out Poe was alive. Like his feet had a mind of their own, he found himself running across the tarmac and straight into Poe’s arms.

That was the beginning. Since then Finn has been in a constant drift in Poe’s direction. And when they were apart while he and Rose were on Canto Bight, his stomach was a constant mess of knots, and he knew it was more than mission anxiety. It was like his insides were trying to spell out longing. It scared him. 

So he asked Rey about it, on the Falcon after Crait. They were both sore and tired, bleeding, sweating, and despite the fact both of them had almost just died, Finn couldn't help but bring it up. He missed his friend so much and he had so much to ask her, but the first thing to come out of his mouth was what is this feeling? and what does it mean?

Rey looked pensive as she pressed a Bacta-soaked strip of cloth to the fresh wound on her arm. Finn studied the bruises on her hands and face, the dark circles beneath her eyes, and wished he hadn't asked. That long-ingrained selfishness (courtesy of the First Order) is gonna be a hell of a thing to kick.

“It sounds like the Force,” she’d said, unsure but covering it up with false confidence. As if he'd judge her; she knows more about the Force than he ever will. But Finn really wished he hadn’t asked. The Force? The Force?

So he goes to Rose...for a second opinion. He barely waited an hour after she’d woken up and gotten the all-clear from Doctor Kalonia, the one who treated him after Starkiller Base, before bombarding her with the same question. 

Rose had an entirely different reaction from Rey. First she looked smug, knowing even, then her face dropped, and Finn was just about to run out and get some help when she said, “I am so sorry, Finn.”

And she hid her pale face in her hands and groaned. Finn blanched, hands hovering over her uselessly. Like most of his time since leaving the First Order, he was completely lost.

“Uh,” he said.

She dropped her hands heavily in her lap. She looked...embarrassed? 

“I’m sorry I, you know, kissed you.”

Oh.

“That’s fine?” Finn had laughed, relieved. What did that have to do with anything?

“I just—” she groaned again. “I thought we were gonna die so I wanted to thank you. Or something. But if I knew you and Poe— ” she waved her hands like she was swatting away a bug. 

And Finn grew even more confused. And then Doctor Kalonia came in and threatened him with a physical if he didn't let Rose rest, so he never got a chance to ask her. 

And he knew at that point he definitely couldn't bring it up with Poe. Whatever this was. 

Days turned into weeks turned into months, base after base after abandoned rebel base and being around Poe is no longer just a subtle tug, an itch under his skin. Finn feels like he’s grown insatiable, like breathing the same air just isn’t enough. He wants to crawl inside Poe’s pocket and be with him always. 

At first he thought he felt this way because Poe is one of the first true friends he’s ever had, and he's not dumb, so of course he feels connected to him on an almost unexplainable level. But that reassured him until he realized he doesn’t feel the same about Rey. Or Rose, for that matter. 

He’s drawn to Rey in a way entirely different from Poe. Where Rey is a spot of warmth, a handmade fire on a cold night he keeps reaching for, Poe is a tractor beam. Pulling and pulling and pulling him in. And Finn goes willingly. 

They’re always paired up for patrol, they sleep in the same bed (or if there’s no bed, side by side on the ground), they eat every meal together. They may as well be joined at the damn hip but it still isn’t enough. Rose has said before he and Rey are both touch starved, which...yeah, she’s definitely right. But that doesn’t explain it.

And Finn can’t remember exactly how it started, but now he and Poe hold hands from time to time, mostly at night when one or both of them can’t sleep, and that satisfies the gnawing in his belly just a bit. But it’s still there, and it still scares him. What more could he want? Could he need?

Rey has to be wrong. Finn doesn’t know the Force but there’s no way it can feel like this. So intense and all-encompassing, turning him into a detonator with a short countdown whenever he strays too far from Poe. There has to be an explanation.

It all comes to a head somewhere around half a year after Crait. The general finally swallowed her pride and contacted her family on Naboo, like Poe’s been trying to get her to do for weeks now, so she and Rey (and Artoo and Threepio and Chewie, of course) headed to the pastoral planet ahead of them to...talk politics. Or something. Finn doesn’t understand what they’re really doing, but he’s glad he didn’t go with them.

They pick up an old Empire-issued shuttle on a moon somewhere in the Mid Rim that Finn and Poe take upon themselves to use while the two women take the Falcon.

So now without Leia and Rey’s huge presence, and the rest of the Resistance having moved into their own ships they’ve claimed during their travels, Finn and Poe are essentially...alone. For the first time since they escaped the Finalizer. Even when they were planet-hopping they were never fully alone; while the general trusted them, she didn’t necessarily trust the places they went without the protection and company of any allies, and therefore didn’t want anyone to wander too far from the rest.

So here they are, just the two of them and BB-8, in their own ship. And Finn’s entire body is aching to do something, but he doesn't know what. They're in the cockpit together, heading away from the bright, beautiful blue-green of Naboo, and Finn feels like he could jump out of his own skin. 

“The hell you so jittery for?” Poe asks him with a laugh. He's been talking with the rest of Black Squadron over the comms since Rey and Leia made their departure, trying to come up with a place nearby they can stay while the two women get everything ready and set for them. 

Finn smiles shakily back at him. You, he wants to say. Being near you feels the same as the air before a storm. But instead: “Just tired, I guess.”

Poe switches off the comms, leaving Snap and Iolo to argue amongst themselves and turns the pilot's chair so he faces him head-on. The look on Poe’s face makes his insides throw a Bantha-sized party. 

“Why don't you go lie down for a while? I'll take the controls.”

Yeah, that actually doesn’t sound too bad. Maybe he'll feel better after some shut-eye. 

(Though he's been telling himself that for months now)

But he heads back to the sleeping quarters nonetheless in the naïve hope it'll be a cure-all. 

It isn’t of course, and by the time he ambles back into the cockpit, they’re on course to a new refuge. But not a good one.

“You’ve gotta be kidding. Poe, this isn’t a planet, this is a rock!”

“Yeah, a rock with a fully functional base.”

Finn squints at the readout on the screen before him, which he’s skimmed no less than a dozen times already. The information is still the same: Polis Massa, a barren planetoid in the Outer Rim once inhabited, then abandoned, then turned into some sort of research facility and later a safe haven for the Jedi during Order 66. Then it was abandoned again, used as a Rebel base for the Alliance to Restore the Republic, and eventually destroyed just before the Battle of Yavin. And then it was abandoned. Again.

Finn grimaces at the planetoid through the viewport they’re steadily heading towards. It was a damn asteroid!

“I think fully functional is a strong word.”

Poe presses a couple of buttons and flips a few switches on the dash, fingers too fast for Finn to really see what he’s doing, but he assumes they’re preparing to land. The shuttle shudders once and makes an alarming sound, but Poe just relaxes back in the pilot's chair and grins at him in his carefree way. He holds out a hand, palm up, demeanor warm and inviting. A familiar gesture between them.

“It’s gonna be fine, Finn. Nothing could be worse than Echo Base, right?”

Finn takes the proffered hand, and the feeling of Poe’s skin on his makes his entire body relax, like his muscles give one big sigh of relief. 

“Hopefully you didn’t just jinx us.”

Poe laughs, and the sound travels down through his fingers and up Finn’s arm. He squeezes his hand as their old shuttle breaks through Polis Massa’s atmosphere—or lack thereof.

“Initiating landing sequence. See you guys soon,” comes Snap’s voice through the comms.

“We won’t be here long, you know. Once Rey and the general return, we’re heading back to Naboo.”

“And we’re staying.”

The smile Poe gives him is knowing, and when he speaks, it’s soft. “And we’re staying.”

They touch down soon enough, and the surface is as unstable as it looked from space. They have to wait another handful of minutes while the airlocks stabilize in the domed hanger bay, and while they do they listen to Snap’s grumblings over the state of the rock over the comms and how he hates Type IV planets. It makes Poe laugh, but Finn barely even registers it, because suddenly he is overcome with such a visceral sense of anxiety he wants to hop right back in their ship and take off again. Part of him is still being pulled in Poe’s direction, but another is begging him to go the other way. It's making him feel sick. 

The base, as it turns out, is actually not so bad. It’s definitely not as wrecked as the readout made it seem, and after checking each nook and cranny for signs of weakness in the structure, they all take their oxygen masks off and breathe a collective sigh of relief.

“Well, we’re not being sucked into the vacuum of space, so I guess that’s a good sign.”

Poe claps Snap on the shoulder. “Man, all you do is complain. Have I ever steered you wrong once?”

“Do we really have to answer that one?” Jess comes around the corner with BB-8 and Rose at her heels. “But yeah. Everything seems to be in one piece. Not too sure about the medbay though.”

Rose flicks through the datapad in her hands, not looking up. “Most of the equipment seems to have been looted, and what’s left is all rusty and old,” she looks up, twisting her mouth. “It’s pretty useless.”

Well. Maybe it's not as good as Finn initially thought. A non-functioning medbay? That doesn’t help his growing anxiety.

But Poe, ever the optimist, just shrugs his shoulders easily and says, “Well, we won’t be needing it anyway.” 

Finn hopes, for the second time that day, that he hasn’t jinxed them. 

They spend the next few hours getting the base semi-habitable. Half the lights don't work, most of the walls are rotting away from excessive blaster fire and whatever else, and the sleeping quarters (if they could even be called that) are barely furnished and very, very small. But the heating is functional and they have running water after a few good tries at the pipes, so Finn really shouldn't complain. He's prone to anxiety. Everything's going to be fine. 

Poe, on the other hand, is lively as ever, cracking jokes, humming to himself as they repair a broken leg on one of the cots in their room, and acting like they’re already on Naboo. He’s usually good at looking at the bright side of less than ideal situations, but Finn wouldn’t be surprised if he slipped something into his morning caf.

But eventually the overpowering feelings become too much not to share, distracting and uncomfortable and such a stark contrast to Poe’s mood, and he stops him when he suggests they go pool their rations in the cafeteria. 

“How are you so...happy?” Finn asks him bluntly. BB-8 warbles what sounds like a question. 

The glint in Poe’s eye dims, just a bit, and Finn feels like an asshole for it. But Poe just shrugs. The smile is still there, still bright, still unfitting for the situation they're in. He was never this excited about any of the other bases they stayed at. 

“I don't know, man. Something about this place. Or maybe I'm just thinking about Naboo. My mother loved Naboo, you know.”

Oh, yeah. Finn definitely feels like an asshole. 

So he lets it go once again, lets Poe beam as much as he wants to, and tells himself it could be much worse. It could be Echo Base. 

Ugh. Perish the thought. If this place doesn't leave him with frostbitten fingertips he’ll tell the general it rivals Theed. 

The cafeteria is the same as the rest of the old base; floor littered with potholes, busted machinery, not enough places to sit. But they make it work, like they always do, and it's still so odd. After so many years of pristine living and eating spaces, Finn doesn't think he'll ever get used to this. To the dirty clothes and the not enough food and sitting on the floor. 

The only time he ever sat on the floor was when he got knocked down in training. 

But this is...it’s nice. In a different kind of way. Connix flipped a chair over and didn’t even brush it off before she sat down, and Jess has a smudge of dirt on her nose that no one has told her about. Different.

Different way of living, different company, different side. Suddenly six months feels like six hours, and he’s the odd one out at the Resistance Headquarters again. Lost, unsure, missing Rey.

And then he saw Poe climbing out of his X-wing, and suddenly he had a place, a purpose. And this whole thing started.

“I wonder if Luke Skywalker stopped here at some point after he left,” Snap comments through a mouthful of ration bar and pulling Finn from his thoughts. 

Poe hums at his side, and when Finn looks at him, he’s watching him steadily. They’re sitting on the floor against the wall, touching from thigh to shoulder. And when he talks, Finn swears he can feel it. It soothes those anxieties the littlest bit. It seems like the smallest touches between them is the antidote. Finn wishes he knew what that meant. “I wouldn't doubt it, considering.”

Poe is the reason. For everything. Including these feelings. But why? He just wants to know why, for stars’ sake. 

“Considering what?” Finn asks belatedly. Poe is still looking at him, boring into him with his eyes. Finn wishes he could convey everything inside him just like this, without even having to open his mouth.

“Him and the general were born here!” Karé tells him, throwing a protein ball across the room into Connix’s awaiting mouth. They both miss and the little brown ball goes rolling across the uneven floor. No one goes to fetch it.

Finn’s guts twist violently, and just like that he's no longer hungry.  

Poe accepts his half-eaten bowl of rehydrated soup with a question in those eyes. Finn avoids his gaze in favor of asking Karé, “They were born here?”

“Yeah, you'd think they were born on Coruscant or Naboo, or something. But,” she shudders, which is definitely out of character for her, Finn thinks. “Ugh. That whole story still gives me chills. Do you know it, Finn?”

Everyone’s eyes are on him now, and he can feel himself flushing under the attention. Something else he needs to get used to. “We learned the basics when we were young. How Vader needed the power of the Darkside to save his wife, but she died anyway so he vowed to avenge her…or something. I don't know much about her, though.” What he doesn't say is, They refused to teach us about the Republic if it didn't pertain to us.  

They return to their food, thoughtful looks on their faces. Their bites are smaller, their stirring slower, and Finn waits. 

Finally, Poe says, solemn and uncharacteristic to the way he’s been, “Vader killed her, actually. At least that's what we learned. The general doesn't talk much about her father, but her mom…she’ll tell her whole life story every chance she gets, no matter how many times you've heard it. But,” he sighs, and Finn takes his hand automatically, “she always stops before the end.”

Something in Finn’s chest clenches and he squeezes Poe’s hand with it.

“Well this is getting gloomy,” Rose interrupts loudly with a weak laugh. She's sitting cross-legged on one of the tables, braiding Connix’s blonde hair. 

“I think we should call it a night, actually,” Iolo is the first to get up, clapping his hands together like he's rounding up a bunch of school children. Everyone follows suit, chattering to themselves and yawning long and loud and just like that the previous conversation is forgotten. The atmosphere is sleepy and warm, and it should feel comforting, but Finn still feels…off. He doesn't let go of Poe’s hand. Poe doesn’t seem to mind, he never does. 

When they reach the room they've claimed, BB-8 beeps their goodnight's and settles into a corner, going into low power mode. They undress quietly, but Finn can still feel that buzzing energy coming off of Poe in waves, fully restored now. And it should be contagious, it usually is with him, but this time it’s not. His heart feels ready to beat out of his chest. Stars and skies and fucking Maker above, what is wrong with him?

Poe shuts the light off and they climb into their respective cots. The room is so small that if Finn reached his arm out he could probably touch Poe. He kind of wants to, just to see if that bright energy he’s carrying around will rub off a little on him. 

“‘Night, pal,” Poe says quietly. He has no idea of the absolute turmoil inside of Finn that’s grown from a sapling to one of those trees on Kashyyyk Chewbacca has told them about.

“‘Night.”

And Finn tries to sleep, but he feels so strung tight, and Poe feels so good, and sleep just doesn't come. 

He's about to get up and take a walk around the base when Poe says, “Hey, Finn?”

He waits a beat to answer. “Yeah?”

“You asleep?”

“No. You?”

“Nah. I just...feel weird.”

And that gnawing in his gut makes itself known again, sends a chill down his spine that leaves his still-healing muscles aching. But he feigns ignorance with, “Was it the soup?”

And Poe huffs out a soft laugh. “No, it’s—the minute we landed I felt so content, so...at ease,” the soft rustle of fabric and a few droid equivalent snores from BB-8 and, “so unlike how I’ve felt since, you know. Since Crait. And I am excited to get to Naboo, right? Their Nuna Gumbo is out of this galaxy. But I don’t think it’s that. Not all of it, at least.”

Poe falls silent then, but Finn is patient. Though he’s quiet for so long he thinks he might've fallen asleep.

Then: “There’s this swell in my chest, this—this warm feeling. And what we talked about over supper got me thinking. I’ve felt it before. Back home.”

Home. That word still throws Finn off. But it’s not as jarring as it used to be.

“I had this tree. A housewarming gift, I think. For my parents. From Luke Skywalker.”

That piques Finn’s interest. He turns onto his side to look at Poe, who's still laying on his back. In the dim room, lit only by the flickering lights in the corridor, Finn can just make out his hands folded over his stomach, the slope of his nose, his closed eyes. At the mention of this tree, Finn’s stomach jumps about a parsec and a half.

“It was a part of the Great Tree from the first Jedi temple, and it had the Force in it, or something, I don't know. It glowed blue sometimes,” Poe turns his head and catches Finn’s eye. “And I could feel it. Whenever I would sit under it…I felt exactly like this.”

His eyes are wide, glistening. Finn loves when he looks like that. Amazed, excited. Like he's never known war.

“I think it's this place, Finn. All the Jedi that have been here, the fact the general and her brother, the most powerful Jedi of all time, were born here…the Force must've, like, leached into the atmosphere.”

Could Rey have been right after all? Is this really the Force? 

But Poe says he feels good. So why does Finn feel like something bad is going to happen?

He wants to tell Poe, wants to confide in him like he's used to doing, but he also doesn't want to ruin this, doesn't want to put a damper on this Force-induced euphoria. 

So he doesn't. 

“I don't feel it,” which isn't technically a lie. 

(But still the first not-truth he’s told Poe)

Poe reaches his hand out and Finn takes it like always. His eyes are still sparkling. “I'll take you home. We'll sit under that tree together.”

Then he rolls over, dropping his hand, and puts his back to Finn.

Finn doesn’t think he slept a wink. Poe did, though. He slept like a baby all damn night. And by the time BB-8 boots themself back up and rolls to the foot of Poe’s cot to wake him up, Finn is disgruntled. All night long he thought about the Jedi and the Force and the impending sense of doom in his gut, still overshadowing that bright pull he’s just barely gotten used to. Something in him wants to lock the door to their room and not come out until Leia and Rey come fetch them. His palms are clammy, his heart hasn’t slowed at all, and his stomach is more than a mess. He feels like a live wire. 

Poe goes about his morning routine quietly, thinking Finn is asleep in his bed. Finn watches through half-lidded eyes as he stretches his arms above his head as far as they’ll go, groaning in pleasure with the exertion. Finn presses his face into the musty pillow.

Poe and BB-8 leave the room soon after, shutting the door behind them, and that’s when Finn sits up. He pulls his legs to his chest and sticks his face into his knees and just breathes.

The feeling that comes along with being around Poe sure is a nuisance, but he misses it, damn it. He'd rather feel the need to constantly have one hand in Poe's back pocket than be nervous over something unforseen that probably won't even happen. 

He really, really can’t wait to see Rey again.

Finn’s not sure how long he stays there for, but eventually there’s a pound outside of the room. He looks up, neck and spine sore from too long sitting in one position. He waits, and the sound comes again, this time against the door. There’s muffled voices, too quiet for him to discern, and then the door is opening and—

“Rose? Connix?”

The two girls jump apart, hair a mess, sleep clothes rumpled, breathing fast. Their cheeks are flushed. Rose still has her hand on Connix’s hip. He feels his mouth curve upwards.

“Breakfast wasn’t entertaining enough?”

It feels good, to catch two people fooling around and not immediately fear for them. It was a shock, though, when he first saw Snap and Karé share a kiss in the Pilots’ Commons way back when.

Rose’s eyes are as wide as saucers, but Connix just laughs, loud and unabashed and free. 

“Sorry, didn’t know this was your room,” she takes Rose’s hand and tries to drag her out, but Rose plants her heels into the floor.

“Finn?” She’s looking at him, cheeks still the color of her namesake and eyebrows drawn in concern. “Are you okay?”

He’s brought back to a moment not long after he and Rey met, when those TIE Fighters were chasing them on Jakku. He’d asked her the same thing, and the way she’d looked at him...he’s probably looking at Rose the same way right now.

“Kay, can you give us a moment?”

Connix looks between the two of them a few times. Then she drops Rose’s hand, kisses her on the cheek, and leaves the room, closing the door behind her.

Rose sits at the end of the bed and places her hand on his ankle. “Why weren’t you at breakfast? Poe was worried. But he didn’t say so, obviously.”

His stomach swoops. Kriffing hell.

Rose sits back, and there’s that look again. Like she knows something he doesn’t.

“Oh,” she says. “Oh, you guys aren’t together yet?”

“What?”

There. There's that pull again! Clawing its way through Finn's mountain of anxiety and telling him this conversation is starting out in the right direction.

Maybe he should've gone to Rose again after all.

“Together? Like together together? In a relationship?”

He can feel his heart rate picking up its pace again, and Rose’s fingers are freezing on his burning skin.

“You mean to tell me this whole time the two of you have been—pining? Finn,” she groans. “Men are useless.”

He stares at her. She slaps him in the shin.

“Finn!”

“Rose,” he says slowly. Hesitantly. The back of his neck feels hot. She’s not insinuating that—

“You’re in love with Poe.”

It’s not even a question. She says it like it’s a fact and—

And—

Oh, hell. She’s right.

His stomach drops at the same time everything seems to fall into place. It leaves him a little lightheaded, and definitely feeling sick, but suddenly Finn feels like he can breathe for the first time in—he doesn’t even know how long. A weight lifts from his chest, his shoulders. He feels like a lightbulb should be going off over his big, dumb head.

Rose throws her arms around his neck, and when he squeezes his eyes shut he realizes he’s crying.

“Oh, Finn,” she soothes, a sympathetic laugh in her voice.

“Rose,” he says. He’s probably holding onto her a bit too tight, “Rose, how could I be so stupid.”

“If it’s any consolation, you both aren’t exactly the brightest stars in the sky.

And isn’t that an understatement? All this time, all these feelings, how did it take him until now to realize?

“It’s okay,” she soothes, running her hand up and down the length of his back, right over his scar. “Emotions are weird. And you’ve been through a lot. It makes sense you didn’t know.”

“What about Poe?”

She snorts. “He has no excuse.”

Poe gave Finn a way out, a name, helped him build a life for himself, an identity. It should’ve been obvious from the get-go, and maybe then he wouldn’t be feeling like a jammed blaster.

“How do you know he feels the same?”

Finally Rose pulls back, and he’s surprised to find her eyes are a little red too. “Are you kidding? Everyone can see it. You’re both very obvious and very dumb.”

He smiles, shaky and small, but a smile nonetheless. “I love Poe.”

She mirrors his smile. “Yeah, you do.”

Finn’s chest swells. Is this what Poe has been feeling since they touched down on Polis Massa? Is this what the Force is supposed to feel like?

But—

It’s still there, that worry. It’s a little dimmer, definitely overshadowed by his sudden euphoric revelation, but there all the same.

He figures he should lay all his cards on the table now. “Why am I so scared then? I’ve got a bad feeling and I don’t know why.”

Rose’s eyes soften into that knowing look again. He definitely should’ve gone to her again sooner. “That’s just love, Finn. I’m constantly terrified for Kaydel. I just wanna make her her own personal shield generator and stick her on a planet in the Unknown Regions.”

The smile returns. Rose gets it.

“But we just have to remind ourselves they’re capable of looking after themselves and, to tell you the truth, I can bet you they’re feeling the same way about us.”

She hugs him again.

“Everything’s gonna be okay. And if you and Poe get your shit together, Naboo can be like your honeymoon.”

He sighs into her neck. Finally everything is starting to make sense, thank the Maker. “Thanks, Rose—”

The lights go out. They pull back and frown at each other, and they’re just about to get up when the emergency lights come on, red and blinding. 

That’s when the alarm starts.

Rose and Poe both jinxed them. Damn it all.

Finn wrenches the door open and looks out. The corridor is completely empty, and the alarm echoes off the walls.

Rose nudges him in the side and hands him his blaster he had hidden beneath his pillow. She’s holding Poe’s.

Force Almighty, he hopes Poe is armed, wherever he is.

Over the blaring alarm comes the sound of hurried footsteps against the floor. Finn strains his ear. It sounds like one person, but not the familiar stamp of Stormtrooper armor. The footsteps get louder, and he and Rose retreat further into the room.

And then Connix comes skidding around the corner, looking frazzled as anything.

“Kay!” Rose pushes past Finn. “What’s going on?”

“It’s the First Order. It’s just a few ‘troopers for now, but—”

A shot rings out somewhere out of their sight, but still too close for comfort.

“Fuck,” Connix says bluntly and grabs Rose’s unoccupied hand. “They ambushed the mess hall. If you didn’t think there was much of it left when we got here, you should see it now.”

There’s a question on the tip of Finn’s tongue, but Rose beats him to it.

“Where’s Poe?”

Connix looks down at her, then up at him. “He and Beebee-Ate created a diversion so the rest of his squad can get the ships ready for takeoff, I think.”

Anger and fear fill up Finn’s chest, but the look Rose gives him makes him swallow it down, for the time being. Poe can take care of himself. He’ll be fine.

Connix leads them past a control room, past a room labeled Samples, past door after locked door until finally they can hear the telltale sound of blasterfire. It’s coming from just outside the mess hall, and when they round the corner they’re met with Millham and Kuchimba finishing off a Stormtrooper together.

When the body hits the floor, they all stare at each other.

“How the hell did they find us all the way out here?” Millham asks, pushing her hair away from her face. Kuchimba toes at the fallen ‘trooper.

“We don’t have time to wonder,” Connix tells them. “We have to get off this rock before anyone else shows up. This place has no defenses anymore. We’re not safe.”

He knew it. They never should have come here. An Imperial ambush is lightyears worse than frostbite.

“Looks like we’re heading to Naboo early,” Rose takes her blaster off safety. “Hope the general doesn’t mind.”

A shot flies past their heads and they all duck on instinct. A Stormtrooper appears where they just came from, blaster held high, advancing in on them.

And behind them appears another, and another. They turn towards the mess hell. Four more are marching in from the far door. They’re surrounded.

“Drop your weapons,” the one at the forefront of the closer group commands them.

The five of them stand back to back and aim their blasters at a ‘trooper each. They’re still outnumbered, but that never seemed to matter when it came to the Resistance.

“Drop your weapons!”

Finn fires first, right at his masked face, and all hell breaks loose.

Kuchimba gets hit in the shoulder, nonfatal, and goes down hard, and Rose, who’d always rather fight dirty (she bit Hux!), kicks the closest ‘trooper to her in the stomach that earns her a hard slap across the face.

But eventually the Stormtroopers start falling as they find their groove, and by the time the last one falls in a heap of white plasteel at the end of Connix’s barrel, the lights have come back on, the alarm is deactivated, and it’s completely silent. They almost don’t hear the crackle of a comlink over their heaving, ragged breaths.

“Koo, come in. Koo, can you hear me?”

Millham pulls the comlink from the pocket of her pants and brings it to her mouth. “Yeah, yeah I’m here. Sal’s hit. Are we ready for takeoff?”

There’s the briefest moment of silence where everyone looks at each other warily.

“Almost,” says Minnau on the other end, and there’s something odd in his voice. “I’m in the hangar with the droids and Kalonia and D’Acy. Everyone went back after Dameron. I think he was in trouble.”

Finn’s stomach drops to his toes. Rose takes his hand.

Millham glances briefly up at him before pressing the comm. “Okay. We’ll be right there, Saile. Millham out.” 

Smoke in his eyes, up his nose, Finn says, “Let’s go.”

Rose tightens her grip on his hand. “No way. Kay, you go get everyone else. We’ll wait in the hangar.”

Connix nods once and kisses Rose on the mouth before jogging off out of sight. When she’s gone, Finn drops Rose’s hand.

“Rose—”

“Nope. Poe’s fine. We’ve gotta get Kuchimba onto a ship. Come on.”

“But—”

The look she gives him is severe, and he shuts his mouth at once.

They shouldn’t have come here. If Poe has so much as a scratch on him, he’s going to kill him for his brilliant idea. And then he’s going to lock him in the tallest tower on Naboo so he doesn’t have to feel like this anymore.

Now that he has a name for it, love sucks.

Millham drags Kuchimba to his feet and the four of them head in the opposite direction of the way Connix went. They pause before each corner they turn, listening just in case, but there’s nothing. Just smoldering holes in the walls that fit right in with the scars from battles past and their own stuttered breathing.

As they step over body after limp body, Finn doesn’t think about the fact he might’ve known any of these Stormtroopers at some point, or how that feeling isn’t gone. In fact, it’s worse now. It’s filling up his lungs, squeezing his throat, making his palms sweat.

Not a scratch, so help him.

Rose is saying something to him, but his head hurts. He feels like he could collapse at any damn second.

They make it to the hangar bay, the slew of old mismatched ships right there ready to go, and the naïve part of Finn hopes everyone has already boarded, and Poe is waiting for him in their crappy little shuttle. 

There are footsteps behind them. They turn, blasters held aloft.

It’s Connix. And there’s no one with her but BB-8 at her feet, and the little droid is shaking.

And Finn doesn’t know how, but he knows.

“It’s Dameron,” she says, her eyes pained, and his heart and stomach go in opposite directions. 

“Koo,” Rose says slowly, holding Connix’s stare, “you and Salaka get on board. We’ll be...we’ll be right there.”

They follow Connix and BB-8 down hallway after endless hallway, and Finn thinks they’re going in circles in this blasted, identical base when finally they reach the rest of the Resistance all crowded around the—

The doorway to the defunct medbay.

Everyone is deadly quiet, and Finn stands there staring at the back of Kin’s head until Rose grabs his arm in a vice-like grip and pushes their way through.

Finn doesn’t think about the way everyone’s looking at him.

And there Poe is. On the floor half beneath a piece of long-broken equipment, head in Jess’s lap, eyes closed. Eyes closed.

His knees buckle and he goes down hard. Snap and Karé are there, holding each other’s hand, holding Poe’s hand, holding Finn’s hand.

“Why is everyone just standing there?” He says it mostly to himself, staring at Poe’s barely-moving chest. At the sizeable scorch mark on his shirt, right over his heart.

“We were waiting for you,” Jess tells him in the most broken voice he’s ever heard come from her mouth. Finn doesn’t think he’s seen her anything other than stoney-faced and strong as iron. The hand she’s petting over Poe's hair shakes.

Someone behind him cries out, and Finn thinks it’s Rose.

“We found him here,” Snap tells him. Even he sounds a little frayed around the edges. 

So the only thing that breaks Black Squadron is the fall of their leader.

Finn is sick.

“Why is no one helping him?”

He shakes off whoever's holding onto his hand and grabs Poe’s face rougher than he means to. Poe’s eyes roll beneath their shiny, sweating lids.

Jess touches her fingertips to the back of Finn’s hand. “Like Tico said, none of the shit in here works.”

And Karé says, “And none of our medkits have anything that’ll help.”

And Snap says, “I don’t think there’s anything we can do, man.”

He looks at them each in turn. “There has to be something. We can’t just—it’s Poe! We can’t just—”

Connix grabs his left shoulder and kneels beside him. Rose grabs his right and sits on her haunches. They’re acting like he’s gone. The anger is so sudden it makes his hands shake on Poe’s face, who’s so pale and so cool. Too cool. 

“Finn.”

“There has to be something.”

“Finn—”

“No!”

His eyes burn, and tears sear trails into his cheeks, as hot as his hands. His arms shake, his shoulders, his teeth chatter. Like he’s about to combust, like he’s going to implode from the inside out. It’s what he’s been feeling since they got here, since he met Poe, multiplied by a million.

That feeling has come back full force. His muscles seize with it, his temples ache with it. What is happening to me?

This must be what death feels like. This must be what Poe is feeling.

Someone says his name through the cotton in his ears, but it’s not in the room. It’s—

“Rey.”

“Finn.”

Her voice, not lightyears away like it should be, not over a static-y comm, but right there, inside his head.

And suddenly the room is empty and it’s just him and Poe’s fluttering heartbeat in every single one of his fingertips. The floor falls away, the walls disappear, it’s just them, just them, just them. Finn can’t tell where he ends and Poe begins.

Stars burst behind his eyes (when did he close them?), and like someone flipped a switch, he stops shaking. Every inch of his previously trembling body stills. His head stops aching. The roiling in the pit of his stomach transforms into a warmth that spreads through him like rays of sunlight. He focuses that warmth into his hands, though he doesn’t know why. He tears Poe’s shirt open. Someone gasps. Someone else swears. He moves his hands from Poe’s face to his chest, covering the blackened skin, hiding the wound with his burning palms.

And he pushes. Not physically, but something inside him. It leaves him cold, weak. He feels like he's being drained like a tap. His body has a mind of its own, like it always seems to when it comes to Poe. 

And then—

Poe’s gasping like he’s been held under water, choking, retching, sucking in air hard and fast.

“Well I’ll be a son of a blaster.”

“Holy Mother of Moons.”

“What the fuck?”

Finn opens his eyes. Poe is staring up at him with wide eyes. Lucid. Completely aware. Okay. He pulls his hands away from the opening in his shirt, and Poe’s chest is smooth and tan and entirely untouched.

He did that.

And suddenly Finn remembers where they are, who they’re with, what just happened.

They stare at each other. No one speaks. Rose and Connix’s hands fall away from his shoulders. 

BB-8 shoves themself through the crowd noisily, rolling right up to Poe and cooing softly. Finally Poe pulls his eyes from Finn and looks at his droid. 

“Hey there,” his voice sounds awful. It grates through Finn.

BB-8 chirps indignantly (Finn thinks; he's still shaky when it comes to binary) and shocks Poe on the arm with his little taser thing. Karé clicks her tongue and swats at them, but Poe just laughs, the sound breathy and barely there. 

“Guess I deserved that.”

BB-8 speeds from the room, muttering to themself. 

“Uh,” someone pipes up. Finn doesn't know who; he can't stop staring at Poe. “We should probably get going.” 

Jess helps Poe sit up. His cheeks are flushed, his breaths are large and heaving, he’s so alive. And the way he’s staring at Finn, at Finn’s hands…

“I’m—I’m sorry. I don’t know what just—”

And then there are arms around his neck, squeezing him so tight. 

“Stars, Finn. You saved me. Again.”

Finn squeezes back, gentler, and presses his nose into Poe’s neck. He smells like sweat and soot and everything that shouldn’t smell good, but Finn just inhales a little deeper. He doesn’t say anything, he can’t. Just holds on and pretends every pair of eyes in the room isn’t on him. That the whispers and murmurs are just in his head.

Eventually, BB-8 whistles from the hallway. 

Poe pulls back. “Rey’s making contact.”

Rey. 

Jess helps Poe to his feet, and everyone takes a step back. But not in a “let's give him some space” way. Finn’s cheeks burn. 

Poe notices. Of course he does. Hunched over slightly, one hand on Jess’s arm, the other pressed to his bare chest, he says, “what's everyone looking at? Never seen a man come back from the dead before?”

It’s disguised as a joke, but Jess hears the all too familiar challenge in his voice. They both do. “All right,” she says, loud enough for everyone to hear. Her voice still quivers, just a bit, “we’ll be getting off this rock soon so let's clean up a bit, huh?”

The crowd disperses clumsily, like they're dreaming or sleepwalking, but Finn doesn't miss the dubious stares in his direction, so familiar to the looks he'd get when he first stepped foot on D’Qar. 

“Don't mind them,” Poe tells him after he and Jess escort him into the hallway. Finn catches a glimpse of Connix and Rose hurrying in the direction of the hangar bay, arms around each other and noses red. “They don’t understand. Hell, I don’t even think I understand.”

Join the damn club, Finn thinks. 

“I’m gonna go get ready for take-off or...something,” Jess runs worrying hands down Poe’s chest. Finn doesn’t think he’s ever seen her this way. “You good, Commander?”

She sounds like she might start crying.

Poe pats at her hip. “Yeah, yeah. You don’t gotta worry about me.”

She arches her brows and suddenly the Jess Pava Finn has come to know is back. “Oh yeah we do.”

And then she’s gone, jogging past the medbay and disappearing around the corner. Finn watches her go, watches the bustling Resistance members, looks everywhere but at Poe. All a part of him wants is to look at him and never look away, but another part, a bigger part, is terrified. 

“Hey, you with me, pal?”

Poe grabs Finn’s elbow and squeezes. Finn looks down (since he's still hunching over. Did Finn do something worse to him?) and smiles what he hopes is a reassuring smile. But it quivers and drops.

“I'm so scared, Poe.”

And Poe grins, the son of a bitch.

“Me too. But I’m alive and so are you and we’re gonna be okay, huh?” His hand travels up Finn’s arm, warm and heavy and comforting.

They’re gonna be fine, sure. Finn just healed a fatal wound with his own two hands, but it’s fine.

“How are you—” Finn stops. His knees are still weak and he’s starting to shake again. “You’re one stupid bastard, you know that?”

Poe laughs, and it comes out sounding more like a cough than anything. Maker above, Finn is terrified. “So I’ve been told.”

“How the hell are you okay?”

“I don’t know,” he says softly, truthfully. “I might spiral when we get on the shuttle.”

“Yeah. Me too.”

Finn’s looking down at his hands again. They’re cold. 

Poe takes them in his own and squeezes.

“Thank you, Finn. For saving me.”

“I could say the same to you.”

He didn’t mean to say that out loud, not really, but now it’s out there, and Poe’s got that look on his face again. He’s pale and sweaty and definitely on the verge of collapse, but he’s looking at Finn like he hung every star in the galaxy.

And Finn needs to tell him.

He takes a step forward. “Poe—”

BB-8 comes careening around the corner, beeping wildly.

“Yes, Beebee-Ate. We’ll be right there,” he tells them, though he only has a notion of what they’re really saying.

He turns back to Poe and—

Poe’s kissing him.

Finn stumbles into the wall and it hurts his back a little and Poe is pulling him down to reach his temporary height with a hard grip on his face and there’s definitely too much teeth but it’s so good.

Finn feels good. That beast inside him that’s been growing for so long and giving him so much grief for the last few months sighs happily. Or maybe that’s just Finn sighing into Poe’s mouth. He wraps Poe up in his arms as tight as he dares and pulls and pulls and pulls him in. And Poe goes willingly.

By the time they come up for air, they’re both short of breath, Poe more so than Finn.

“Stars, Poe. I feel...so much for you.”

Poe smiles at him like he knows exactly what he means.

Finn sure is one dumb pile of Bantha fodder. Rose was right. And so was Rey.

Oh shit. Rey.

He can’t hear or feel her in the back of his head anymore, but he has to talk to her as soon as possible. 

Suddenly he’s embarrassed, and he goes to pull away from Poe, to hide his hands in his pockets, what the hell has he done? what the hell is he capable of? but Poe grabs him by the wrists before he can get very far, turning his hands over and kissing his palms. A chill runs from the top of his head all the way to the tips of his toes.

Poe really does collapse then, falling to his knees and almost taking Finn down with him. BB-8, who must’ve been there the whole time, nudges their little domed head into Poe’s side. Poe braces his hand atop them and tries to stand. Finn grabs his arm and pulls him back.

Poe laughs, and it’s fainter than Finn would like. “Sorry. Still kind of weak, I guess. I’m ready to sleep for a millenia. What about you, Beebee?”

BB-8 makes a sound that’s alarmingly like a raspberry.

“Come on, we better get you checked out by Kalonia,” Finn wraps an arm around Poe’s waist.

“And you better contact Rey. I think you’ve got something you need to tell her.”

Finn swallows.

“Hey,” Poe nudges him in the side. “Everything’s fine. We’re good, huh?”

Despite everything that's happened, Finn thinks he might actually believe him this time.