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Lilliana Shepard ran her hand over the cool metal of the huge cannon as she struggled to keep her mind on the task at hand. It was an impressive piece of machinery which could likely make a real difference in any future military confrontations that might take place for the Citadel races. Or would take place. She was no historian but as a former Alliance soldier and decorated veteran of The War, as The Reaper War was now simply called, she knew that conflict was almost inevitable. She just hoped that the next war, whatever it was called and whatever it was about and whoever it was against, happened long after she was gone.
Even if it did happen far in the future, it was her job now to make sure that they were ready for it but that they didn't unknowingly help create the next war. It was up to the Council to approve all new applications using any kind of reaper technology and as the only councilor with any kind of military experience, her opinion would carry extra weight in this instance. But then, of the eight councilors, she knew that besides herself, only the krogan and elcor were still on the fence about this particular piece of turian hardware. She also knew that this approval was important to the turians, which was why Primarch Vakarian himself was arriving on the Citadel to help sell it to them.
Primarch Vakarian. Just thinking about the title made Shepard smile. If anyone had told them six years ago, while they were still on the Normandy together, that not only would they both survive The War, but that they would become Councilor Shepard and Primarch Vakarian, they would have laughed in their face. Shepard took a couple deep breaths. Her exalted title notwithstanding, she could feel her stomach tie itself in knots at the prospect of seeing her ex-lover again.
After the War, they had tried to make it work. They tried through years of fighting and yelling and drinking and misery to make it work. They failed. She still didn't know why it failed, only that it did. And it took her years after that to get on with her life and get over Garrus. Not that she ever would get over Garrus completely, apparently, if her stomach was any indication.
She ran her hand over the weapon again as she took a couple more deep breaths. She was so deep in her thoughts that she almost didn't hear the soft steps echoing in the hanger behind her. She turned and had to stop herself from gasping out loud when she saw none other than the Primarch himself walking towards her.
"You always did like big guns", Garrus said, his voice as warm and welcoming as an old sweater, the same as it always was to her. Her heart started beating faster, joining her stomach as it continued to do its flips. Shepard smiled.
"I think you have me confused with you."
"I think we both always liked big guns. And I also think you have to admit that this is a very nice big gun. Now, it could use some..."
"Don't say it!"
"It could use some calibrating but it's a great gun."
"You know I didn't realize that 'calibrations' were a euphemism for almost a year.” Shepard chuckled and shook her head. “And I thought we agreed that you were never going to use the words 'gun' and 'calibrating' again?"
"That was before I became primarch. Now I can use those words with every sentence if I like. Pretty impressive, huh? The CSEC officer's dim-witted son became primarch?"
"Well, it is the turians we are talking about after all. They take just about anyone as primarch."
"Very true", Garrus agreed, amiably. "They are almost as bad as the humans who let uneducated knuckle-dragging grunts become their councilor. At least there's more than one primarch so they can't screw things up too badly."
Shepard laughed.
"Well, the humans are a very young race. They have a lot to learn." Shepard studied the turian for a moment. "So, how have you been, Garrus? You look good."
"As do you. But then, I always did think you were beautiful. For a human." Garrus stepped forward and opened his arms. "Come on. We are way beyond firm handshakes."
Shepard stepped forward and stepped into the turian's arms. Despite the erratic movements made by her heart and her stomach, it felt as comfortable as ever. Like returning home after a long time away. She resisted the urge to linger there too long. She pulled away first.
"Don't think that you will be able to unduly influence me and my decision with your charms."
"I'm not worried about your vote." Garrus shrugged. "This gun sells itself. The only reason the salarians are fighting it is because they had hoped to bring something similar to market but theirs just isn't as good. This is just a delaying tactic so they have more time to try to fix its flaws."
"I can't argue with any of your points. Just let the krogan test fire it and you should have your vote."
"Right", Garrus responded. "Wrex told me that he has tried to unduly influence Councilor Preggia but she threatened extreme violence if he mentioned it again. He thinks that she is leaning towards approval anyway."
"Which just leaves the elcor councilor, Kelrun, as undecided. You will need him too. And before you ask, I have no idea how he thinks about the whole thing. Even for an elcor, he is impossible to read."
"Not that it's ridiculous that one has to have 5 out of 8 votes to get anything done with the Council. Having an even number of councilors is maybe not the best idea."
"You don't have to tell me that, Garrus! Hopefully, they vote in the quarians soon. Wrestling to get those 4 other votes for anything that Earth wants to do is now my life."
"Hopefully not literally."
"Huh?" Shepard asked simply.
"Hopefully not literally wrestling for votes?" Garrus chuckled.
"It is a near thing sometimes. And I make no promises!"
Garrus laughed. "You realize that even if the quarians get in and make it 9, you will still be chasing those 4 votes every day?"
"Of course. But there will be one more person to get it from." Shepard winked. "We both know how charming I am."
Garrus couldn't help but laugh again. "You'll get no argument from me."
A few minutes passed. The silence drew on and with it, Shepard felt the tension in the room skyrocket. She needed to remain professional. She needed to get out of there.
"Well, it's been nice seeing you Garrus. I will see you at the forum."
Shepard turned and was a few steps closer to the door when she felt her arm being tugged gently from behind. With the contact, she felt a current of electricity travel from her arm throughout her body. She mentally steeled herself before turning around.
"Actually, uh....", Garrus hesitated. He cleared his throat and then tried again. "I wanted to talk to you before the forum. I...um...I wanted to talk to you to see if maybe we could talk."
Shepard frowned. "You wanted to talk to me about talking?"
"Yes. I would like to talk to you. But I know that what I have to say...this is not the time nor the place so I was hoping to talk to you beforehand and make sure that we set a time to talk after, before you are off doing whatever and I have to go back to Palaven."
Shepard's mind was screaming at her. This was ill-advised. It was one thing to engage with Garrus on a professional level. This was something else. It took her years to get over the overwhelming pain of losing Garrus. She would not backslide now. Shepard couldn't help but think of that time six months after they broke up when she ended up in his bed one night and felt twice as bad as she ever had about herself when she ran away early the next morning. Best to let old wounds heal thoroughly before even tempting fate.
"I'm sorry, Garrus." Shepard looking into his eyes. "I just don't think that's a very good idea. It's not about you. Maybe later we can be friends but..."
"I don't want to be friends", Garrus blurted out.
"Garrus...."
"Don't answer! That's why I wanted us to talk more later. This is not something that you should decide right now. But I've changed, Lilly. I'm not the same turian that I was after The War. We both went through so much! And then we just jumped into this serious thing before we even had time to heal. Or to process. No relationship could have survived that. That's what my therapist said and it makes a lot of sense."
The last sentence hung in the air. Shepard could barely believe what she heard. She shook her head. This was insane to even be discussing this and yet...
"No!" Shepard almost shouted. "Too much has happened between us. We can't just pretend that it didn't. We can't just forget about our past." Shepard let out a bitter laugh. "I cannot fucking believe you finally went to a therapist! I begged you to go and you..."
"I know. I know. You were right. I'm sorry. I was just a stubborn old dumb soldier terrified to admit his own weaknesses. Too terrified to go talk to someone about how he feels. I was a coward. You are still the bravest person I've ever met."
"I can't do this, Garrus. The forum is in less than an hour and I don't have time for this. I need to be able to do my job."
"I'm not worried about that. If ever there was a person who can do their job while emotionally distracted, it's you." Garrus moved closer to Shepard again. "Come on. I just want to talk. And then we decide whether we want to keep talking. We take it slow. Make sure it is what we both want. No pressure."
"You are already pressuring me now." Shepard paused a beat. "You know how weak-willed I am."
Garrus laughed fully.
"Uh huh", Garrus said. "A complete pushover. And I'm not pressuring you. I'm asking you. Because I think we both deserve this. I could be wrong. But I think we both deserve to find out if I am."
"You see? You are already making it into a competition. Which one is right? How many times have I told you? It's me. I am right."
"Not about this."
"And I'm a better shot, too."
"That makes two things you are completely wrong about." Garrus rubbed his chin. "That's a good idea though. We can talk again in our old spot above the Presidium. Finally finish our shooting contest and find out who the best shot is."
"How can one man be so wrong about everything?" Shepard lifted her head to the fake sky, seemingly asking whatever gods or spirits might exist for help. "We did finish our contest. I won. You lost."
"Then you should have no problem doing it again. I've barely even touched a gun in years. You'll have the advantage."
"Yes. Because Citadel Councilors get plenty of range time in."
"If you're scared, we can meet somewhere else."
Shepard shook her head and laughed.
"I seem to remember that it was loud and windy up there and I thought you wanted to talk?"
“Well, you did say that you would meet me at the bar?”
Shepard was confused for a moment before it came back to her.
“That was a bar in the afterlife! If we both died!”
“We could pick a bar for living people. A nice place on the Presidium. Not Afterlife!”
“And again, bars tend to be loud and not very good for talking. Let’s meet at a café. Have some coffee. Probably better that we stay away from alcohol for this anyway.”
“But I hate coffee, if you’ll remember.”
“But I love it, if you’ll remember.” Shepard winked. “I thought you would try anything to give this a go?”
Garrus sighed. “Fine. But you’re the fancy councilor. You’re paying.”
“Great. Tomorrow. Apollos? 1900?”
Garrus checked his omni-tool.
“I am currently overbooked for that time. I have two vital meetings that overlap that were scheduled two and three months ago.” Garrus grinned and dramatically hit a button on his omni with a flourish. “Gone! I’m meet you there.”
“Let’s hope we don’t both regret this.”
“It’s just coffee. What’s the worst that could happen?”