Chapter Text
Persephone shrugs into her jacket and stuffs her phone in one of the pockets. A second later, the doorbell rings. She hears footsteps crossing to open the front door, followed by muffled speech. The voice of her best friend cuts through the air. “Hey Perse, Hermes is here for Ta Kalanda! Are you ready to go?”
“Be right out!” She checks her pockets one last time and slips on the gloves she'd purchased for just this occasion. It was her understanding they would be out for a fair bit of time and the night had grown much colder with the change of season. She joins her two friends in the living room. Hermes, bundled up in an over-sized puffy jacket, beams down at her.
“Heya, Perse! Haven’t seen you at work lately. You didn’t quit, did you?” the crimson god grins as he picks the flower goddess up to spin her around, his nose and cheeks darkened by the chill outside.
“No, it’s just winter break. I’ll be back in a few days,” she giggles as Hermes places her gently back on the floor.
“Alright, that’s a relief. The boss has been pretty depressed late—”
“Let’s go already, before everyone runs out of cash!! You two can catch up on the way.” Artemis cuts him off and grabs Persephone’s arm to drag her out of the house.
“What cash?” Persephone tries to interject.
“It’s cold out there. You two gonna be warm enough?” Hermes calls after them, closing the door on his way out. If looks could kill, Artemis might have sliced through his squishy winter coat with the stink eye she threw his way.
“Hermes, c’mon. I’m the goddess of the Hunt. I’m out every night. I’ll be fine, now let’s go ! If we miss out on the good houses, you’re buying me dinner!”
“Miss out on what?” Persephone tried again.
Hermes groans. “Alriiiiight Arty, alriiiight. We’ve got plenty of time. I didn’t even pass anyone on my way here.”
They trudge up the road together toward one of the bigger neighborhoods. Once they crest the hill overlooking the next few streets, they can see clusters of nymphs, satyrs, gods, & goddesses milling about. “Well, fuck. We’re gonna have to skip the small game and hit the big houses before they’re tapped.”
“Tapped from what? What is going on? I thought we were singing for people?” an exasperated Persephone blurts out, sick of waiting.
“We are—Wait. Have you never had a proper Ta Kalanda in the mortal realm?” Artemis and Hermes blink incredulously at the little pink goddess.
“For Ta Kalanda back home, my mother had me sing for all the flower nymphs...is that not right?”
“Aw, shit, Perse, I’m sorry. I forgot your mom is kind of a grinch when it comes to anything fun. Ta Kalanda is mostly singing, but people tip you for the blessings you sing in front of their house. You can really rake in the cash if you’re out early enough—”
“And if you’re scary enough,” Hermes cuts in. “Artemis over here really riles people up.”
Artemis folds her arms indignantly. “Listen, if they don’t want my blessings, I’ll just key their cars, it’s that simple,” she opens one eye, and sticks out her tongue. “You ready to get some loot, flower girl? Time to make Hestia lose her shit.” She changes the pitch of her voice, mocking the president of TGOEM. “ Is that lightweight woven charcoal broadcloth, Persephone? MUST we have ANOTHER chat? ” Persephone holds her sides as a full laugh bursts from her chest at her best friend’s impression.
“It better not be. Not if she has any fashion sense at all, unless she’s shopping for a throwaway apron,” a melodic voice cuts in from behind the trio. The three gods turn to find Eros and Ampelus not far behind.
“Eros! Ampelus! What are you two up to?” Persephone asks, running back to hug her friends.
“We just finished putting all the kids to bed,” Ampelus replies.
“And now we’re headed to grandma Hera’s for the New Year’s party. Are you headed that way?” Eros inquires, a brow quirking up at the smiling goddess.
“Might as well,” mutters Artemis. “Probably the best bang for the buck anyway. Most of the big shots will be there.”
“Perfect, we’ll walk with you.” Eros offers an arm to Ampelus and the other to Persephone. “Where are your boats? You’re out for Ta Kalanda, aren’t you? Artemis never misses a chance for free spoils ,” he adds as an aside to the women on his arms.
“I heard that, lover boy, and you’re right. Why look a gift pegasus in the mouth?” she rubs her hands together. “I have a good feeling about this year. C’mon, mama needs a new bow!”
“Oh, the boats! I have those!” Hermes digs in his pockets to procure three small wooden boats, painted in each gods’ signature colors. He hands Persephone the pink one and Artemis a deep purple, keeping the crimson craft in his grasp.
“Ok, now I’m confused. Are these for the singing? This is a boat, Hermes,” Persephone looks almost scared with bewilderment.
“IT’S TRADITION,” the other four answer in unison. Everyone looks around their group and laughs.
“Let’s high tail it over to grandma’s before Auntie Hebe has to go to bed.”
“She should be up past midnight at least or she won’t get any Kali Hera.” Artemis chimes in.
Hermes shakes his head. “That is still so weird that that little golden muffin is your aunt.”
“It gets weirder and weirder every year. Gramps can’t keep it in his pants for 45 seconds. I have aunts and uncles I’ll probably never meet. Certainly some who haven’t even been born.” Eros shrugs as they make their way across Olympus to the biggest house in the realm.
As they walk up the long driveway lined with trees, Persephone pulls her collar up.
“Are you cold, cinnamon roll?” Eros smiles down at her, a sparkle in his eyes.
“I’m ok. We’re almost there.” She tries to hide her shivers the best she can, regretting not putting on another layer.
Before the troupe reach the front steps, the door swings open, a tiny golden goddess wrapped in a shiny, red velvet dress grips the handle. “MOOOOOM, THE CAROLERS ARE HERE!!” her voice echoes off the marble foyer into the depths of the grand hall.
“For Ta Kalanda? Oh—” Hera’s slender frame appears in the doorway, one hand reaching to rest on Hebe’s tiny head, the other lifting her cigarette holder just past her lips. She turns her head back into the house, “ZEUS, DARLING, BRING EVERYONE OVER HERE. WE HAVE CAROLERS.” Turning back, she addresses the group. “Hello, everyone. Lovely to see you. Just give us one moment.” She mutters under her breath for no one to hear, “Hades is going to shit himself.”
Zeus’ head pops out from the side of the door, eyes widening at the sight of the group before him. He looks at his wife, positively glowing. “ Oh, this is going to be so good. Was this your doing? I love your wicked ways. ” he whispers throatily into his wife’s ear, nuzzling her hair.
“ This wasn’t me. I wish I could take credit for this, ” the queen of the gods leans into her king’s caress.
Zeus, like his wife before, turns back into the house, “HEY, DON’T MAKE ME COMMAND YOU ALL TO HURRY UP. BRING YOUR DRINKS OVER HERE. LET’S GO.”
Shuffling noises increase as a group of gods pour out onto the front steps, keen to guard off the ire of the god king. Amphitrite was first out the door, Poseidon close behind, his hand firmly planted on his wife’s rear. A small intake of breath hitches her throat and she turns back to whisper something in her husband’s fishy ear. His eyes twinkle and that shit-eating, idiot squad smile rips open his mouth.
Aphrodite and Ares follow them out, grinning and waving at Eros when they see him. Ares stands behind the mother of his children, wrapping his strong arms around her shapely form, pulling her tight to his chest as he presses his lips to her ear, sharing a secret with her as well.
“Alright, go on then!” Zeus commands, almost all of the guests out the door, the last one hot on Ares’ heels.
Artemis looks back at her roommate and the messenger god. “Ready? Just like we practiced, Perse. Hermes, I know you know this. 1, 2, 3, and...” Eros and Ampelus join the trio in serenading the most powerful house in Olympus.
Σ’ αυτό το σπίτι που ‘ρθαμε,
πέτρα να μη ραγίσει
κι ο νοικοκύρης του σπιτιού
χρόνια πολλά να ζήσει.
As the group sings, Hades makes his way out onto the front steps with the others, glass of scotch in his hand. “What’s going on out— Oh.” His breath hitches in his throat as he catches the pink goddess’s eye. The left corner of his mouth tugs up as he waves the fingers of his free hand at her before taking a decent pull of his beverage, shoving the empty glass at Zeus’ chest. Persephone falters in the middle of the carol, dropping her gaze down to the ground. She snaps her head back up and looks at the two closest to her to remember her place, joining back in with the others seamlessly.
When the carol is over, everyone on the steps claps and cheers as they come down to better greet the newcomers. Zeus claps Artemis on the shoulder “How is the hunt going? I hear your marksmanship has been improving incredibly as of late.” With his hand around her shoulder, he ushers her inside and everyone follows the god king’s lead. “Hades, pay the carolers, will you? How many houses have you hit, so far?” he murmurs to Artemis as they pass over the threshold.
“This is the first. We left a little late and the good neighborhoods were swamped, ” the goddess of the hunt returns in secret.
Zeus raises his voice, sure to be heard again, “And make it worth their while. Gaia knows you’ve got money to spare. ” He gives Artemis a cheeky grin that she eagerly returns. She won’t need to hit any more houses, so they might as well stay for the festivities.
Poseidon and Amphitrite bombard Hermes with questions about his latest track times, asking when he’s going to join the triathlon. “Crete is beautiful this time of year. Really, you must come train off the coast,” Amphitrite insists, taking the messenger god’s arm as they move inside.
“Ooo, yeah, the sirens and tritons are easy on the eyes too,” Poseidon adds with a grin, and a giggle from his wife.
“Mama bear, Papa bear,” Eros crows as he falls into his parent’s embrace.
“Baby bear,” the two echo into the squeeze. “You too, Ampelus,” Ares reaches out to squish the purple mortal in disguise into his grasp. “Kids all tucked in?” Ares asks after his other children, safe in their beds.
“Yup, Storge put on a puppet show with some of Mania’s toys and his hamster. The others laughed so hard, they tired themselves out. Agape is keeping an ear out. She’s watching a movie with her friend in the living room. I ordered them pizza before I left.”
“Alright, let’s get you two fed and watered. Come on,” Aphrodite tosses her hair and strides back into the mansion.
A/N: If you’re like me and like to read tradition/translation notes first, I put spoilers in italics and within || (they don’t do anything on AO3, but they’re a nice visual cue. Traditions described in order of appearance:
Ta Kalanda is a Greek caroling tradition that actually takes place on New Year's. It is meant to bring health, wealth, and prosperity to the houses the carolers visit. It's tradition to give carolers money. Carolers usually visit family and friends since they are more likely to give a good reward as they are equally more likely to be embarrassed by the thought of giving nothing.
Ta Kalanda song lyrics:
Σ’ αυτό το σπίτι που ‘ρθαμε,
πέτρα να μη ραγίσει
κι ο νοικοκύρης του σπιτιού
χρόνια πολλά να ζήσει.
Translation according to the sources listed:
In this house we have come
No stone may ever crack
And the landlord
May live for many years.