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It’s not like Billy would ever, ever admit to that, ever, but.
Max and El are his favorite people in the whole world.
He’d never admit to that, but they kinda both know it, because everybody kinda does, everyone in their stupid group, and everyone knows he’s kind of a sucker for both of them, would maybe kinda do anything they ask him to, always, so.
This is probably the reason he finds himself, on the first day of the new decade, for fuck’s sake, walking out of the Hawk, playing chaperone to Hawkins’ very own local baby feminists, because, apparently, Billy has nothing better to do, on the first day of the year, than watch the latest version of Little fuckin’ Women with his baby sister, and her crush, and Steve fuckin’ Harrington.
He promptly ignores the stupid, annoying voice in his head that informs him he doesn’t, in fact have anything better to do, that he’s spending the first day of the year with the people he - cares about the most, that this is the best first day of the year he’s had in, like. Ever, probably.
The voice sounds suspiciously like Harrington, and Billy mentally shouts at it to shut up.
It doesn’t.
—
See, the thing is, Neil has this thing about spending the holidays together, playing the perfect family, looking happy and carefree and fuckin’ lobotomized, because Hawkins is the kind of town where appearances matter, and families still make fuckin’ - holiday cards, like it’s the 1950s, or somethin’, so.
Last night, while everyone was at the Byers’ having dinner, stepping into the new year together, Billy and Max were stuck at home, munching on too dry turkey, smiling like it’s the best dinner they’ve had in their whole lives.
And everyone was at the Byers’, probably exchanging New Year’s kisses, and Harrington was there, and Nancy fuckin’ Wheeler was there, and Billy wasn’t, so.
When Max wakes him up, too fuckin’ early on the first day of the fuckin’ decade, Billy turns the other way, grumbles something that can definitely translate into go the fuck away, in at least seven languages, draws the covers over his head.
And he knows that’s not the end of it, like, Max has never, not once in her life, accepted defeat, and Billy’s notoriously known for being absolutely incapable of denying his stupid sister anything, so.
‘Billy?’
Billy grumbles in what he hopes is a threatening manner. He cracks one eye open. Max doesn’t appear threatened. Like. At all.
‘I promised El I’d take her to see the new Greta Gerwig movie,’ Max says, unfazed by Billy’s steadily rising murderous instincts.
Billy grumbles, again. Max seems furiously unaffected, again.
‘You’re coming with,’ she says, and like.
No?
‘Literally give me one reason I’d wanna do that, Maxine. ‘Cause right about now, watching some chick flick with my baby sister and her crush is like. The last thing I wanna do today.’
That seems to do the trick. Max looks shaken to the core. She actually, audibly gasps. ‘You can’t call Little Women a chick flick, Billy, like, take that back, you uncultured - ’
Billy deliberately ignores Max’s lack of objection about the whole crush thing, which Billy’s been trying to get her to admit for like, months, because -
‘You wake me up on New Year’s day to ask me to go watch Little Women with two fifteen year old girls? How much champagne did you even drink last night?’ The anger in his voice is absolutely fuckin’ justified, in Billy’s objective opinion, given the absurdity of the situation.
Having more than, like, a hundred followers on Insta has really gone to Max’s head.
‘Billy, like, come on, everyone on film twitter is losing their minds about it, and it’s not like the other versions, and I know you love those, okay, I know you have the Winona Ryder one on a solid five stars on Letterboxd, okay, so don’t do your cool macho guy routine to me.’
And. Like. Max doesn’t even follow him on Letterboxd?
And he opens his mouth to say that, but -
‘And El needs to like, educate herself, okay, ‘cause her boyfriend’s a fuckin’ misogynistic piece of shit, okay, like, Mike Wheeler would have her locked in a basement if he could, and I promised I’d take her, okay, and Little Women is like, a feministic milestone, Billy, you know that, and I promised,’ Max says in a rush, kinda breathless, and it’s -
It’s cute, okay, how much Max cares about El, and she’s this tiny, tiny flame of a human, but she’s a fuckin’ wildfire, okay, and Billy’s kinda really, really proud about her, not that he’d ever tell her that, and it’s cute, but.
He has a reputation to uphold, can’t appear weak enough to cave in after five seconds of puppy eyes, even though the prospect of enraging El’s stupid boyfriend does sound like the best way to spend the first year of the decade, so.
‘None of that sounds like my problem, Maxine,’ he drawls, grinning, knows Max will see right through him anyway. ‘You promised your girl to take her on a date, you do you. Don’t drag me into this, you bitch. Lemme live, Maxine.’
And he puts his pillow over his head, ready to drag all this for a while longer, just for the sake of it, when -
‘Steve’s coming, too.’
Billy can’t see Max, but he knows she’s grinning, the absolute piece of shit. She’s like. Way too clever for her own good, that girl.
He turns around so fast he sees stars. ‘Why d’you need me, then, if you already have a babysitter?’
Max sighs, like Billy’s being, like, intentionally obtuse. ‘Neil won’t let me go if you’re not there. ‘Sides, you know how your boy gets with Greta Gerwig. He’s been rambling about Lady Bird since, like, 2017. He’s gonna embarrass us, Billy. You gotta be there to keep him in check.’
‘Harrington’s not my boy, Max, keep your fuckin’ voice down, you piece of shit,’ Billy says, kinda frantic about it, because the door’s closed, but that’s never stopped Neil before, and.
It’s not like it’s true, either. Steve’s not Billy’s boy, okay, even if the thought makes something flutter in Billy’s chest.
Steve’s his friend, and he probably had his New Year’s kiss yesterday, with Nancy fuckin’ Wheeler, miss fuckin’ perfect, and Billy wasn’t there, so.
It’s fine. It’s all fine.
Steve’s definitely not Billy’s boy. It’s fine.
Max looks at him, kinda sad. ‘He’s not here, you asshole, just how stupid do you think I am? And, like. Steve’s not my boy. Jesus, it’s like. 2020, get over yourselves and kiss already.’
It’s really fuckin’ early to be having that conversation, not that Billy’s ever super into discussing his not-so-secret crush with his stupid, annoying baby sister, so.
‘Ugh, fine. I’ll take you to see the, like, seventh adaptation of Little Women, but I swear, Maxine, if El hasn’t broken up with her idiot boyfriend by, like, tomorrow, this whole thing’s gonna be pointless.’
And Max - she’s already half out of the room, and she’s kinda already dressed, like there was never a universe in which Billy wouldn’t take them to the movies, like, how didn't Billy notice that, and she’s already halfway to her room, but.
‘You do realize you’re spending New Year’s Day with Steve Harrington, right?’
That shuts Billy up.
—
So now, two hours and fifteen minutes of feministic propaganda later, of stealthily wiping away tears, because, sue him, Greta Gerwig can direct the fuck out of any movie, okay, of sitting next to Steve Harrington and trying to be cool about it, of fingers brushing one another’s while reaching for the popcorn bucket and absolutely failing to stay cool about it, they’re walking to the diner, because of course Max promised to get El her favorite strawberry shake after the movie, which is probably the cutest thing Billy’s ever heard, and.
‘Billy?’ Max sounds - tentative, which is. It’s new. Max is a verified tornado, marching to the beat of her own drum. She doesn’t do tentative.
Billy hums. Can’t stop stealing glances at Steve walking in front of him and Max, smiling along to whatever El’s narrating animatedly.
Okay, so maybe Max and El aren’t Billy’s only favorite people in the whole wide world.
He turns to Max, finds her looking between him and Steve. He should feel caught, but. It’s Max. Max is - she’s safe.
‘What d’you think she meant?’
‘Huh?’ Billy says, eloquently. ‘Who meant what?’
‘In the movie.’ Max has never sounded so quiet before. ‘When she gave that speech. In the end. When she said she’s so lonely.’
‘I’ll take a wild guess here and say she was probably lonely,’ Billy says, and Max gives him this look, so. ‘Jesus, Maxine, how the fuck should I know? I’m not a teenage girl, am I?’
‘You wouldn’t know it by the way you handle your crush,’ Max mutters under her breath, which, what, and then, ‘Billy, c’mon, you know what I mean. How did you - I don’t know. Interpreted that line, or whatever.’
And they’re almost at the diner now, and Steve still has this stupid, annoying grin on his face, the one that makes Billy’s heart go thump-thump-thump in his chest, the one that’s been the cause for like, at least five Spotify playlists heavily featuring Mitski, and Clairo, and like, Japanese Breakfast, Billy’s pining, okay, let him live, and Billy knows, he knows what Max means, can see the way she looks at El, knows it’s kinda the same way he looks at Harrington, knows it means the same small, sad thing, figures he owes it to Max, so.
‘I think. I think she meant.’ He takes a deep breath. Has never been one for sharing profound life advice. Max is looking at him, waits for him to - to help. It kinda gives him courage, or whatever. ‘I think she meant - sometimes it’s good to let people in. You try and try to prove to the world you’re strong, you don’t need anyone, you can do it on your own, but. I don’t know. I think she meant it gets lonely. Proving you can do it alone.’
Max’s stopped walking, keeps looking at him with those wide, wide eyes.
‘I think - sometimes you have to look around, see that there are people who want to be there for you, who want to do this whole life thing with you, and. You just gotta learn to let them in, y’know? Even when you feel like you’re being weak, or whatever, accepting help.’
He sighs. Looks at Steve and El ahead of them, so full of love and care for others, so open with it, to give it, to accept it, both of them. Like it’s that easy, that uncomplicated. Hates Neil for never teaching him how to do that, how to just - accept kindness. Hates Neil for making Max afraid of it, too.
But it’s the first day of the decade, and it’s the best day Billy’s had in a long, long time, and Steve’s been there for months, now, chipping away at Billy’s defences, creating cracks, breaking through years of conditioning and bruises and masks, and teaching Billy how to accept help, in his own ways, and maybe there’s some magic in that, finding someone you trust enough to let in, so.
‘Letting people in is a bitch, Max, I’ll be the first to tell you that. And we’re fucked up, the way we grew up, but. I don’t know. It doesn’t mean we can’t grow out of it, I don’t think.’ He steals a glance at Max, and she looks so hopeful, like maybe Billy’s saying exactly what she needs to hear, so. ‘I hope we can. ‘Cause she’s right, y’know. It gets lonely, Maxine. Trying to prove you can do it on your own all the time. It gets - it gets fuckin’ lonely. And I’m not sure it’s worth it. Keeping everyone away for the sake of proving yourself right.’
‘So you think - she was doing the right thing? Staying with that guy in the end? ‘Cause she - she always said she didn’t need a man, and she wasn’t gonna get married and everything - ’
‘Max,’ he cuts her off, shakes his head. He really isn’t the best person for that, but. He’s the only brother she’s got, or whatever, so. ‘If you find that person, that makes you feel safe, that sees you and your faults and still hangs around and wants to keep hangin’ around, I don’t know, I think - I think you should keep that. In any kind of relationship. Friends, girlfriends, boyfriends. You find that person, who sees you for what you are and wants to stay, you don’t let go. Even when you think it’s weak to let them in. I promise, okay? It’s not.’
And he’s not the best person for that, but Max looks. Peaceful, almost? Like maybe she’s got the okay now, like maybe she sees something she didn’t before.
She looks behind Billy, and when Billy turns around, he finds Steve and El, standing in front of the diner, and how did they get there, like, Billy feels like he’s been in a trance for the last few minutes, and.
And Steve’s looking at him, and he has this small, private smile on his lips, and he’s looking at him with a softness Billy isn’t sure he deserves, but he’s learning to accept it anyway, because Steve’s been offering it in every action, in every word, and Billy can’t stop that voice in his head that says maybe, maybe it’s not just you, doesn’t really want to, and.
‘I thinks he wants to be that person, for you,’ Max’s voice cuts through his thoughts, a beacon in the fog, ‘I think he wants to love you. I think you want it, too.’
And she’s - god, she’s so right. Billy wants to love Steve, wants to be loved by him, has wanted it for months now, and it’s the first day of the new decade, and they’re graduating this year, free to get out of this fuckin’ place, far away from Neil, maybe get away together, maybe, hopefully, and.
‘Max, listen, take El and go sit inside, okay? Just gimme a minute with Harrington, yeah? I need to - do somethin’,’ he says, before he can stop himself, before he can talk himself out of it, because Billy’s really good at that, he’s really good at taking the easy way, closing himself up, building up walls, keeping everyone out, keeping Steve out, and he’s -
He’s really tired of it. He’s tired, and he’s lonely, and Steve’s still looking at him softly, like he knows what Billy’s gearing up to do, like he’s waiting for him, so.
‘Go get your boy, you asshole, oh my god, finally, just go,’ Max says, and Billy knows she wants to hide the fondness in her voice, mask it with exasperation, but she hasn’t been living with Neil for so long to be really, actually good at it, not really, and the smile she gives Billy kinda gives it away, anyway.
And Billy goes, he does, he walks, and walks, and crosses the distance, stands right in front of Steve, close, closer than necessary, not even close enough. ‘Hey.’
Steve smiles, soft, knowing. ‘Hey to you, too. What was that about back there?’
‘Maxine needed some brotherly advice, or whatever the fuck she calls it,’ he says, and his heart’s about to jump out his throat, maybe jump into Steve’s hands, and it kinda belongs there, anyway. ‘She was askin’ about. The people you choose to let in, I guess. Findin’ that one special person who, like, gets you, or whatever. Finding ‘em and holdin’ onto ‘em.’
Steve takes a step closer, and they’re kinda standing face to face now, no more distance to cross. ‘And what did you tell her? About finding that person and keeping ‘em?’
Billy raises his hand, catches the lapels of Steve’s jacket between his fingers, grazes his knuckles against Steve’s neck. Feels the way Steve shivers at the touch. No turning back now, he guesses. ‘I told her - it’s fuckin’ scary, lettin’ people in. Accepting love. Learning to give it back. But it’s also - it’s kinda the best thing in the world, so. Totally worth it.’
‘Yeah?’ Steve whispers, breathless, in the space between them, looks at Billy’s eyes, look at his lips.
Billy hums. ‘Yeah, it’s - it’s the best feeling, findin’ that person.’ He touches the pads of his fingers on Steve’s cheek, marvels at the way Steve closes his eyes, the way his face turns - turns calm. ‘Fuck, Steve, I wanted - I wanted to be your New Year’s kiss so bad. Wanted to drive all the way to the other side of town and kiss the hell outta you when the ball dropped. Wanted it so bad.’
Steve opens his eyes, slowly, a princess waking up from a fairytale, and fuck, Billy’s so fuckin’ gone for him. So fuckin’ gone for his one special person.
‘You still want that? To kiss me?’ he says, and Billy huffs, because, like, he’s wanted to kiss Steve Harrington for so fuckin’ long he kinda doesn’t remember a time he didn’t.
Steve laughs a bit at that, fondly, sweetly. ‘I didn’t kiss anyone else. Didn’t want to. Wanted you there.’
‘Fuck, Steve, if I’d known - ’
‘I’d much rather be your all year round kiss, though,’ Steve cuts in, and he looks - kinda uncertain, ‘I mean. I didn’t just wanna kiss you once on like, New Year’s. Kinda wanna kiss you all the time.’
‘Baby,’ Billy says, breathless, in love, ‘I never wanna do anything else, Stevie, I never - I’m never gonna wanna stop kissin’ you,’ and he leans in, parts his lips, and he’s so close, and.
And Steve’s such a stupid, beautiful dork, so he kinda - draws back, keeps his mouth an inch away from Billy, a special kind of torture, and. ‘Billy?’
Billy kinda - he whines, okay, although he’d never, ever admit to that, not ever.
Steve smiles, and it’s not raining, and they’re not in a fuckin’ Louisa May Alcott adaptation, but. ‘Your hands are empty,’ he says, grinning as bright as the sun, and.
And Billy’s like. So fuckin’ in love with him. But he’s also Billy, a verified asshole, and he really needs Steve’s lips on his like, yesterday, and Steve’s kinda askin’ for it, anyway, so.
He winks, lowers his hands, grips Steve’s ass, squeezes, and he closes his mouth over Steve’s, swallows down the yelp it gets out of him. ‘Not empty now,’ he whispers against Steve’s lips, and Steve laughs, laughs into Billy’s mouth, and it’s the best thing Billy’s ever heard, so.
He dives in again, licks into Steve’s mouth, tastes butter and soda and fuckin’ Twizzlers, ‘cause apparently Steve’s a five year old, but he’s also Billy’s one special person in the whole world, and.
He’s not sure, because his tongue’s halfway down Steve’s throat, but the cheering he can hear behind them sounds suspiciously like his baby sister and her best friend.
—
On the second day of the decade, Billy wakes up in Steve’s arms, and to a tag on a photo of him and Steve kissing outside the diner on Max’s Insta, with the caption not lonely anymore, and to a message from his stupid, annoying sister.
‘Hey, asshole, I really hope you got laid last night for everyone’s sake. Jesus, boys are so stupid. Anyway. That photo of you and your boy got me, like, 60 new followers. You’re both so gross. We need to schedule a photoshoot, like, ASAP. Oh, oh, and guess fuckin’ what! El broke up with shitface Mike, Billy, I’m laughing so hard? The Hargrove siblings are really out there stealing everyone from the Wheelers. God, we truly are iconic. Love ya, shithead. Told ya twenty-twenty’s gonna be a good year.’
And Billy - he’s wrapped in the arms of the boy he loves, listening to his sister, who’s so much better than him at everything, and apparently giving love is part of that, but he thinks he may be learning, too, and.
Maybe this year’s gonna be good after all.