Chapter Text
Here's the deal. For the longest time I had a Fanfiction account and I posted shitty fics there, somebody actually did couple of readings on YouTube of them so that's awesome but looking back, they're real awful. I'm going to slowly work through them and make them decently readable before uploading them to here; uploads will be incredibly inconsistent but I'm working on a much juicier fic at the moment. This was just a fun little thought; usually I do much more in depth and *cough* smuttier *cough* fics.
The door clicked quietly shut as McCree entered the room; his boots were kicked off lazily. As he crossed the small stretch of hallway and rounded the corner a strange, but not entirely unamusing, sight stopped him dead in his tracks.
...Hanzo.
God damn Hanzo.
Hanzo was rolling around in the sheets naked as the day he was born.
"Hanzo?" Jesse asked warily, looking to the ceiling, the walls, the lights, anything but the stark bare man in front of him. Hanzo stopped his rolling to peer at the intruder curiously, as if not recognising him. Then, as if the cogs finally started grinding, a slow and goofy smile spread across his features like melted butter. McCree grimaced, smiling did not suit Hanzo on a good day and grinning horrendously elevated the psychopath in his features. "McCream!"
"Not my name, darlin'." McCree found it difficult to keep a straight face when Hanzo swapped his terrifying toothy smile for a dramatic, drawn in masked face of concentration. His eyes were near invisible behind tightly knitted eyebrows and his mouth resembled a tight lil' butthole, minus the tiny triangle of tongue that peeked out from between his puckered lips. McCree chuckled to himself, the thought warming him despite the really quite strange situation that unfolded.
"McCroo?"
"Try again." A thumbs up spurred the drunk on to give the simple pronounciation another go.
"McCreek?"
"Real close." A victorious cry was all the warning McCree got before Hanzo launched himself from the bed and wrapped himself securely around the cowboy's middle like a python with a happy shout of, "Jesse!" Confused, McCree called upon his knowledge of snakes and decided that pythons don't usually purr. "A'right, a'right, I'm happy to see you too, bud." McCree awkwardly patted his head, averting his gaze once again.
"How did you, uh...how did ya get in my room, Han?" The archer leaned back, arms linked behind the cowboy's head, and wiggled his eyebrows. He shushed McCree's next question and manipulated his weight until McCree's head bent down from the strain of Hanzo holding on to his neck. Their noses touched and they stayed like that for minutes, McCree sweating at Hanzo's bulk that hung off of him. Finally, Hanzo revealed his secret.
"The window," he whispered then released and fell backwards onto the bed to continue his rolling. McCree rubbed at his sore neck and cursed to himself quietly; of course he'd left the window open. It had only been a crack to let the hot summer air out. A quick scan of the room revealed that there were no clothes inside...or outside.
Had he come in...naked?
McCree sighed to himself, a million different lies zipped through his brain, each one focused on how to explain the situation to Hanzo the next day when he undoubtedly wouldn't remember.
"C'mon, we've got'a get you back t'y'ur room." Jesse rummaged through his drawers, searching for old clothes that he could make Hanzo wear and then not expect back. He settled for a pair of faded pyjama trousers and an old shirt; it would do.
"I want to stay here!" Hanzo complained childishly when McCree advanced towards him, threateningly holding clothes. A thumb rested on his chin and forefinger, tapping at his upper cheek, McCree audibly "Hmmed" loudly. Hanzo made a worrying squealing sound and thrashed in the covers.
"A'right...Y'can stay-" The response was one of sheer delight. "-but only if you get dressed." The Shimada's smile dropped instantly and he resembled a sober Hanzo for a moment. "Now I'm gon'' leave you t'get dressed," McCree chuckled at Hanzo's lost expression, he looked like a child. Jesse waggled his finger at the Shimada, "And when I'm back I wan' to see you in those clothes, y'hear me?" But, hey, seeing you out of them was a treat too. Hanzo nodded slowly, carefully, and then threw the clothes on the floor aggressively, a look of distaste crossing his features. McCree shook his head and reminded Hanzo that he couldn't stay if he remained naked. His boots were slipped back on and the door clicked quietly shut behind him.