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“There is a Reaper gaining speed behind us, Jeff.”
“I see it, EDI.”
“If there’s one behind us, does that mean Shepard failed?” Liara asked. “I thought this light meant she did something.”
“Listen, I’m going to concentrate on not crashing the Normandy on a strange planet,” Joker said, “let’s theorize after we know for sure we’re going to survive. Liara, you’re going to want to buckle in.”
“The Reaper is almost on top of us,” EDI replied.
Liara leaned over Joker’s controls to get a better look.
“It appears to be reaching out towards us,” EDI said.
“I see it, EDI.”
“Is it inside the light?” Liara asked.
“It appears so,” EDI replied.
“Liara, I’d feel a lot better if you were strapped in somewhere. I don’t want Asari blood all over my controls. They’re more used to having human blood on them.”
“Let it catch us,” Liara said.
“What?” Joker almost turning around to look at her. “Liara, we haven’t crashed yet. You can’t have brain damage.”
“What if it’s trying to save us?” Liara asked. “It’s in the light. It’s going to catch us anyway, right?”
Joker thinned his lips, and he noticed EDI watching him out of the corner of his eye. “All right Liara, but if this kills me, I’m going to be so mad at you.”
Joker maneuvered the Normandy so the ship would fall into the Reaper’s grip. The light overtook them first, and Liara grabbed Joker’s chair to keep herself steady through the shock wave. But the ship steadied almost instantly, and a sickening sound of metal against metal ripped through the ship.
“Liara, I’m not buying you a drink in the afterlife,” Joker said. “I’m not even going to speak to you for the first few centuries.”
“Nothing’s happening,” Liara said.
“We are descending onto a nearby planet,” EDI said. “There are several closer ones, but this planet has breathable air.”
“It’s Shepard,” Liara said.
“The Reaper?” Joker asked, disbelievingly.
“Well, no, but she has to be doing this. Maybe she bartered with them. Maybe she demanded our survival.”
Liara and Joker watched the scenery change around them, and Joker tried not to look at the piece of black metal that was a Reaper limb blocking one angle of his view.
“We’re seeing minimal damages,” EDI said. “The ship will be able to fly with some minor repairs.”
“Looks like the shockwave did more damage than the Reaper.”
The Normandy lurched forward as the Reaper placed it on the ground. Joker hit the intercom and said, “Everyone okay in the Med Bay?”
“I really appreciate the smooth landing,” Garrus said. “Really. You’re a wonderful pilot.”
Joker flicked off the intercom. EDI said, “The Reaper is simply standing beside the ship.”
All three of them got up to look out the window. They could see the Reaper standing next to the ship. Its interior lights had changed from a red to a blue. It appeared to look around the landscape.
“Is it waiting for us to thank it?” Joker asked. “Or did it just want to feel us getting squished beneath its limbs?”
Liara thinned her lips. “I’m going out there.”
“I do not recommend that course of action,” EDI said. “We know nothing about this particular Reaper, and we haven’t listened in to reports of what is happening on other planets.”
Liara said, “It could have let us crash land. It could have crushed us at any moment.”
Regardless, the three stayed looking out the window. The Reaper raised a gigantic limb and then gently touched a leaf on a tree.
It blinked.
It withdrew its touch.
“Can we get an explanation of what’s going on?” Garrus asked, turning on the intercom.
Kaidan said, “I would really like to know if it’s worth trying to heal or not.”
Joker said, “There’s a Reaper standing outside of our ship touching leaves and shit. Maybe it’s calibrating something, Garrus.”
“I’m going to go try to communicate with it,” Liara said. “I’ll report back.”
“If you’re not killed instantly,” Joker said. “Come on, Liara.”
“I may have better luck trying to communicate,” EDI said. “Maybe it will let me hack into it.”
“EDI, not you too.”
From the intercom in the Med Bay, Tali said, “Is EDI considering hacking a Reaper? She may require my assistance.”
“So we’re just going to go out there and let it kill us,” Joker said.
“You don’t have to come,” Liara said.
“If EDI’s going, I’m going.”
“What’s so special about this Reaper?” Garrus asked. “Aside from it touching leaves.”
“It latched onto us when we were going to be hit by a shockwave,” Liara said, “and it placed us down onto a planet we can breathe on. I think Shepard’s behind it.”
“I’m going out too then,” Garrus said.
Doctor Chakwas protested, and Garrus argued with her with the comm on. Liara walked away, and EDI followed her. “So we’re just going to willingly march to our deaths, okay,” Joker said to no one in particular.
Liara opened the ship’s door and hopped down. The Reaper focussed on the leaf. EDI hopped down next, and the pair helped Joker onto the ground. Liara walked up to it first. “Hello,” she said.
The Reaper swiftly turned towards her, and all three of them took a step back away from it. It loomed over them.
“I think you startled it,” Joker said. “How do you startle a Reaper?”
“If one was adapting to the technology, it may not mean an instantaneous understanding,” EDI said. “We were very close to the beginning of the wave - it may still be spreading through the galaxy.”
“Shepard?” Liara asked.
The Reaper held out its limb to Liara. She took a step towards it, and the Reaper lightly touched her.
“What happened to you?” Liara asked.
The Reaper let out a haunting howl, and Joker took a step back. Liara lightly touched the limb and felt it press back against her. Liara asked, “Can you understand her, EDI?”
“It does not seem clear,” EDI replied. “Of course, I do not know the Reaper language, and its technology is far beyond mine.”
“So this Reaper has Shepard inside it?” Joker asked, taking a step towards it. “Shep, how are you controlling it?”
The Reaper didn’t reply.
“If you’re inside it, you can come out anytime,” Joker said.
“Perhaps she is still in the Citadel, trying to control all the Reapers at the same moment.”
“You know, if she was controlling all of them at once, I’d be a little worried why she was spending so much time on that leaf.”
“What do you suggest then?” Liara asked.
EDI rubbed her chin as Kaidan, Garrus, Tali, and James stepped off the Normandy. “Is it really Shepard’s doing?” Garrus asked. “Will it tell us where she is?”
The Reaper pulled away from Liara and reached out towards Garrus.
“Should I be worried?” Garrus asked.
“No, I was just touching it a moment ago,” Liara said.
Garrus took several steps forward, and the Reaper followed suit. It reached down to Garrus and then goosed him.
Liara laughed and then covered her mouth. “Did I just get sexually harassed by a Reaper?” Garrus asked. “Shepard, this isn’t funny. Where are you?”
“It’s a little funny,” Joker said.
The Reaper held out its limb for Garrus, but Garrus didn’t touch it like Liara had. It returned its limb to Liara, and Liara returned to gently stroking it.
Tali said, “What do we know about this particular Reaper?”
“Just that it tried to save us,” Joker said.
“And it responded to Shepard’s name,” Liara said. “It also is particularly fond of Garrus.”
“Yes, but I attract all of the dangerous species,” Garrus said.
“We have reports of all the Reaper attacks stopping,” Kaidan said, flipping through a data pad. “They’re just up and leaving the planets. There are some reports of them trying to rebuild the Mass Relays that were damaged when the shockwave went through. Mostly though, they’re packing up and leaving.”
“Does this one seem distracted at all?” Tali asked. “Could Shepard be controlling them from the Citadel?”
“It spent ten minutes staring at a leaf,” Joker said. “I don’t think Shepard would put saving the galaxy on hold to see what a leaf looked like from Reaper cams.”
“In addition,” EDI said, “we found no evidence of a command center.”
“The Citadel has lots of unknown corners,” Garrus said, eying up the Reaper. The pupil of the Reaper’s eye grew larger as it looked at Garrus. “Is it zooming in on me?”
Tali said, “When Legion tried to upgrade his people, he needed to sacrifice himself to spread the code.”
“Shepard isn’t dead,” Garrus said, firmly.
“Maybe it was the only way she could take control,” Tali said. “Maybe she had to leave her physical form and upload her consciousness into the Reapers. So there’s a little bit of her inside each one, and she made sure we would be taken care of.”
“Shepard isn’t dead,” Garrus repeated.
“Technically she wouldn’t be dead,” EDI said.
The Reaper raised its limb away from Liara and pointed to Tali. It stepped forward and pointed again.
“Shepard, you’re not dead,” Garrus said to the Reaper. “You’re coming home to me. We’re going to get drunk and adopt a Krogan baby. And we’re going to fight about what to name it.”
The Reaper withdrew its limb and used it to stand again.
Garrus stepped closer to the Reaper and pointed at it, “You’re not going to leave me behind! It’s Vakarian and Shepard. What’s the point of one without the other?”
The Reaper’s pupil grew smaller as it darted around its companions. Kaidan put his hand on Garrus’ shoulder, but Garrus brushed it off. “Shepard, you can’t do this to me!”
“Maybe it was her only option,” James said. “And she’s here, isn’t she? You loved her as a human.”
“She’s in a robot designed for destruction,” Garrus snarled. “She’s twenty stories high!”
“I’m just saying, if the love of my life was in there, we’d make it work.”
Garrus raised his hands in defeat and walked back into the Normandy. “Should someone go talk to him?” James asked.
“Whoever goes to talk to him is either going to be a literal or verbal punching bag,” Kaidan said. “We’ll let him blow off some steam.” Kaidan said to the Reaper, “Don’t take what he said to heart, Shepard. This is just, uh, this is just a very big change.”
EDI said, “Maybe it doesn’t have to be. The Reapers constructed other life, correct? Perhaps it could create a smaller shell we can communicate with.”
“Please don’t tell me you want us to harvest humans for this,” Joker said.
“Perhaps it could construct something purely synthetic,” EDI said. “The news reports say they are repairing the mass relays, correct?”
“Yeah,” Kaidan said, “but they’re not putting consciousness into it. And are husks even conscious? I mean, by definition they’re just husks. This Reaper is definitely better than a husk. It can communicate with us to a certain degree, and it isn’t completely repulsive. Vakarian’s sex life shouldn’t be a priority here.”
“It’s not even sex,” James said, “could you imagine Shepard walking around and being able to brawl with her? I mean, I can’t exactly train with this Reaper.”
The Reaper reached over and gave James a weak push. “Yeah, yeah, I know you’ve got more than that behind you,” James said, laughing.
Its limb moved back to Liara, and Liara hugged it. “We appreciate the sacrifice you’ve made, Shepard,” Liara said, “but if there’s any way to get you back, we’re going to want to try it.”
“As long as she’s not a husk,” Kaidan said.
“And as long as we don’t have to harvest humans to make it,” Joker said.
EDI said to the Reaper, “If we build something, could you duplicate your consciousness into it?”
The Reaper pointed to Joker before returning to Liara’s arms.
The others hesitated as they calculated what it meant. “Oh shit,” Joker said. “She needs human sacrifices. Gross. Shepard, I respect you, but we’re not doing that.”
“I don’t think she wants us to do that,” Liara said.
“What if we recover your body and rebuild it?” EDI said. “We could bring Miranda in to help reconstruct her again.”
The Reaper didn’t respond.
“Are there any remains?” Tali asked.
“I think when she doesn’t respond, she doesn’t know,” Liara said, stroking the limb.
“If there are remains,” Kaidan said, “couldn’t we just bring her back again?”
“That may be possible,” EDI replied, “though Cerberus had a lot of funding.”
“I think the Alliance can shell some out to bring back their hero - or, uh, put her into a more accessible form.”
“Harbinger could possess organic life,” Tali said. “Perhaps that is an option for her to communicate with us in the meantime.”
“Yeah, but does anyone want to be a puppet for Shepard?”
“I will,” Liara replied, turning away from the Reaper. “Shepard and I have connected our consciousness before. It should be a painless experience for me.”
The Reaper visibly shook its head side to side, and Liara cooed and rubbed its limb. “It would be my honor, Shepard. Just don’t goose Garrus while in my body, please.”
The Reaper didn’t respond, and Joker said, “I don’t think she’s buying it.”
“She will when she realizes it’s the easiest option,” Liara said. “We should work on contacting Miranda and making sure Shepard’s body is searched for when they go into the Citadel. I will use what contacts I have on my end to see if I can track it down quicker.”
She released the Reaper and followed the others as they walked inside the Normandy. The Reaper followed suit and then hunkered down at the entrance, peering in.
*
Throughout the day, most of the crew watched the Reaper with curiosity, and several of them greeted it as Shepard and talked to it for a few moments. Joker wrote out two pieces of paper, one that said “YES” and the other that said “NO” so that it could at least partially communicate with the people around it. He also wrote out a “JOKER IS THE GREATEST” piece of paper, and the Reaper humoured him by pointing to it a lot. Sometimes it would stop people to point at the paper, and Joker would laugh from wherever he was.
As the sun set, the Reaper moved away from the entranceway and relaxed to watch the sky change. Garrus leaned in the frame of the entranceway to watch it, folding his arms across his chest. Earlier in the day, he blew off steam by shooting in the surrounding forest, and he noticed the Reaper checked on him several times. It didn’t intrude or linger, and Garrus didn’t speak to it. Shepard always respected when he needed distance, too, but she wasn’t the type to waste time watching a sunset.
Though he supposed now she had all the time in the world.
With a sigh, he grabbed the “YES” and “NO” papers and hopped down out of the Normandy. He approached it and sat down next to it. It didn’t turn its head to look at him. “I’m sorry for snapping earlier. I was just so angry about how things turned out. About being alive, I guess,” Garrus said. He leaned back with his hands propping himself up as he continued, “I had this fantasy that we died together trying to get to the Citadel. Sometimes we got crushed together, and I grabbed you to my chest as the tank smothered and destroyed us. Sometimes we shot at the husks and brutes until they tore us apart. Sometimes we died in an explosion, and I grabbed your hand just before it went.
“When you pushed me into the Normandy and left me, I thought I had died. I thought I had been crushed and this was my afterlife - my personal hell. Watching you leave me to die while I had to live in this hellhole without you.”
Garrus rubbed his face before saying, “It’s strange not being able to hear you talk back. I’m used to us bouncing ideas off of each other.”
The Reaper pointed to the page that said, “YES.”
“Shepard, I don’t know if I can do this,” Garrus said. “I don’t know if I can make this work if you’re a Reaper. It’s so strange. And you’re, you know, not humanoid. Being inside of you has a completely different context now.”
The Reaper pointed at “YES” several times.
“You thought that was funny?” Garrus said with a smile.
The Reaper pointed at “YES” again.
“I’m glad,” Garrus said. “But you’ll forgive me if I move on, right? I’m not going to have to worry about Reaper eyes prying into my bedroom window.”
The Reaper pointed at “YES” again.
“I don’t think it’s going to happen anytime soon, especially not with you being here and trying to make things work. I can’t let you go, not yet, but if you’re going to live forever, there’s always the chance I’ll meet someone else.”
The Reaper pointed at “YES” again.
Garrus closed his eyes and thought of Shepard laughing as he kissed down her neck. He still remembered the way her skin felt between his fingers.
“Hell, Shepard, I doubt I’ll ever get over you.”
The Reaper pointed at “NO.”
“Shepard, there’s going to be a hole in all of us - I don’t know if anything will fill it.”
The Reaper pointed at “NO” again.
Garrus grabbed the Reaper’s limb and it moved as he pulled it next to him. He hugged it before wrapping his arm around what he could. Resting his head against the Reaper’s limb, he said, “We can argue about it later.”
It was strange to feel the Reaper relax under his grip. He looked up to see its blue eye watching him. He was angry that Shepard had to sacrifice herself to stop the Reapers. He was angry because she was the type of person who deserved to live. He was angry because she was the only god damn thing in his life that made it worth living.
But he was tired of talking into dead air.
“I’ve figured out how we can spar-” James hesitated as he saw Garrus sitting with the Reaper. “Oh, sorry. I didn’t realize anyone was out here.”
James carried a mat and some rope. Garrus said, “It’s fine, we were just talking.”
The Reaper pulled away from Garrus’ grasp to point at the mat. James glanced at Garrus and then said to the Reaper, “I thought I could tie it around you and I could punch the mat. You could parry or try to hit me with it - lightly, I am not invincible.”
The Reaper put its limb directly in front of James, and he said, “I don’t want to interrupt.”
“We’re done,” Garrus said, getting up off the ground. “Just don’t embarrass her too much, okay?”
“No promises,” James replied with a laugh.
Garrus stepped back onto the Normandy, but he lingered in the doorway to watch James trying to spar with the Reaper. Tali peeked over his shoulder and said, “What is Vega doing?”
“Punching a machine responsible for millions of years of destruction.”
“Hopefully there is no defense programming that overrides Shepard’s consciousness,” Tali said, “though I suppose a few punches likely wouldn’t set it off.” She paused and said, “You have to admire him.”
“I don’t.”
“He may be a bit thick, but his heart is in the right place.”
“Are you considering attempting a cross-species relationship?”
Tali scoffed. “Hardly. Though his physical form is worth looking at. I will wait to see if he removes his shirt.”
“He always takes off his shirt.”
“And that is why I know it is worth waiting,” she said.
Tali and Garrus waited, watching James punching the mat on the Reaper’s limb. The Reaper moved and pressed back against him. One time it moved completely when James threw a punch, causing James to face plant into the grass. “That’s not fair,” he yelled. “You’re fucking with me, Shepard.”
The Reaper put its limb on James’ chest.
“You didn’t pin me!” James yelled. “I demand a rematch because you’re a big cheater!”
The Reaper returned to its original position, and James took off his shirt before returning to punch it. Garrus said, “It’s strange.”
“The drastic differences in human anatomy?”
“No, how everyone just adapted to Shepard’s consciousness being in the Reapers. James is out there sparring with it. Joker and it already has inside jokes. It and Liara already have their special moments together. No one missed a beat,” Garrus said.
“None of us were ready to bury Shepard,” Tali said. “I’ll take her in whatever form she comes in, and I think most of us feel that way. We’re not ready to let her go, so we’re not going to.”
“Are you trying to say I already buried her?”
“You have different expectations of her,” Tali said. “I will miss hugging Shepard, but I can live without the hugs if it means keeping her. You may have to sacrifice your romantic attachments to her if we can’t manufacture another form for her to reside in, and you were not ready to face that.”
Garrus hesitated. “We haven’t been romantic for long.”
Tali scoffed. “You haven’t been intimate for long,” she said. “You’ve been head-over-heels for her since she came back to life the first time, maybe before that. You can’t tell me that when you looked at her fighting through your sniper rifle, you weren’t so relieved to see her that you just wanted to kiss her.”
“You can’t tell me that you didn’t want to kiss her too,” Garrus said.
“It’s different with me,” Tali said. “Plus, I was angry to see her. She was with Cerberus. I didn’t trust her.” When Garrus didn’t reply, Tali continued, “No one is going to hold it against you if you’re tense with this change in Shepard. She’s sacrificed a lot. She’s putting the galaxy first. We’ve hunted the Reapers for so long, there’s confusion when you look at her now. You’re not less loyal to her for hesitating.”
“I’m just so angry, Tali.”
“What else is new?”
Garrus shook his head and walked away. He appreciated what Tali tried to do, but he didn’t care what the others thought of him. Hell, he didn’t care what Shepard thought of how he reacted. He hated that Shepard had been taken away from him. He hated that she returned in an insulting form that he couldn’t embrace. He hated that everyone just acted like everything was normal.
They had the problem - not him.
*
Liara stood at the head of the table. Tali, EDI, and a hologram of Miranda were positioned closest to her. Miranda couldn’t reach them because the Mass Relays were still being repaired, so they made do with what they could. Garrus, Kaidan, James, and Joker were present more out of curiosity, and they sat at the other end of the table.
Liara said, “As you know, Shepard will be possessing my body shortly. It is my understanding that the Reapers need a willing vessel to possess and that vessel does not need to be a product of the Reaper. I suppose we’ll find out if nothing happens. If I am unresponsive when Shepard leaves my body, take me to the Med Bay. I should be fine in an hour or so, but it would be best to have Doctor Chakwas overlook me regardless.”
“Yeah yeah we’ll try to save you, just let Shepard take control already,” Joker said.
Liara thinned her lips. “Your patience is appreciated in the matter. Shepard is going to focus on drawing up plans for the unit she can move into, but she will try to answer any questions in the process.”
“Yeah, got it,” Joker said. “Take control already.”
Liara rolled her eyes and then relaxed. She took a deep breath, and her eyes turned black. Shepard’s voice said, “Assuming direct control.”
Liara’s form suddenly straightened. She picked up the pen and began to draw up the plans on a screen without saying a word. Her movements were quick, mechanical, determined.
“Shepard,” EDI said, “is there anything we should know about building this machine?”
“It needs Reaper parts,” Shepard’s voice poured out Liara’s lips. “Use the unit outside of your ship. When it can no longer function, other Reapers will retrieve it. If the device is not completed, a new one will take its place.”
“Wait, what?” James said. “We’ve gotten used to that one. I like that one.”
Shepard flippantly replied, “They all look the same. I am not certain you would tell the difference.”
James muttered, “I would.”
“Does it need your body?” Miranda asked. “We haven’t been able to recover it.”
“My body likely disintegrated,” Shepard said. “I believe I remember my flesh breaking apart. It does not need my old body, but it will need a source of organic matter. However, that matter does not need to be intelligent. I would recommend using the earth. I came from it. I thought I would return to it.”
Tali got up to overlook Shepard’s plans for construction. Joker asked, “So, like, where are you?”
“Everywhere.”
“I mean, is your consciousness spread across all the Reapers, or does each Reaper have a duplicate of your consciousness.”
“Yes.”
“She sounds like Legion,” Tali said.
Joke continued, “So you mean to tell me that there’s part of you that just floats through every unit, and every unit also has you inside of it?”
“It is a complicated process and you would get bored of hearing me explain it,” Shepard said, “but, yes, essentially.”
“That doesn’t make sense,” Joker said. “What’s the unit going to be like? Is it going to be like having you back?”
“I do not know,” Shepard replied. “It will likely be similar to the Reaper here.”
“Okay, that’s ridiculous, because the Reaper here watches sunsets and stares at leaves.”
“Each Reaper had its own personality on top of its original programming, similar to the Geth. When my essence was put into it, it did not displace that personality, it enhanced it while we merged. Neither Shepard nor the Reaper took the time to appreciate the small, beautiful things of life before, but now that our combined entity had the opportunity to watch a sunset, it watched a sunset.”
“And you’re willing to kill it to try to build the device?” James asked.
“You are talking to that unit right now, and it is willing to be sacrificed. It is touched by your concern though.”
“I don’t think you’re really Shepard,” Garrus said, standing up. “Your movements are too mechanical. You didn’t want to kill Geth before, and now you’d sacrifice a Reaper just to have a body our size?”
Liara’s body looked up for the first time. Her black eyes locked onto Garrus. “Would you like me to disclose personal details to assure you that my consciousness exists inside this Reaper?”
Garrus hesitated. If it wasn’t Shepard, it wouldn’t know anything embarrassing. If it was Shepard, she’d know not to disclose anything too personal for his sake. He thought of how she talked him out of killing Sidonis. He wouldn’t want the whole crew to know that, but, even if she was pissed at him, he doubted she’d go too far.
She said, “When I told you I wanted a relationship with you, you wanted to see who was the better shot.”
“Yeah, and?”
“I missed on purpose.”
“It’s not Shepard,” Garrus said.
Liara’s body smiled.
“You’re just saying that because you’re mad that I’m a better shot,” Garrus said.
Shepard returned to working on the places. “So it’s really Shepard then?” Kaidan asked. “Not that I had any doubts.”
“Yeah,” Garrus said. “Or, it has her memories at least.”
The meeting turned technical as EDI, Miranda, and Tali discussed what the device would require and how they would transfer Shepard’s consciousness into it. James, Joker, Kaidan, and Garrus didn’t have much to say, and their comments and jokes were mostly ignored. “The Reaper is kind of a bore in Liara’s body,” James said to Garrus.
“I believe it will be detrimental to Liara’s health if I possess her for too long,” Shepard said. “I want to get as much information out as efficiently as possible so not to harm her. I think that covers everything. Do you have any further questions?”
“Yeah,” Joker said, “like how did your consciousness get absorbed into the Reapers? What happened with the Catalyst?”
“I will have to discuss it another time,” Shepard said. “Releasing Control.”
Liara gripped the table, steady herself as her eyes returned to their natural state. She sat down, but smiled weakly at her companions. Joker said, “What was it like?”
“It was like — it was like there was a lounge in my mind, and I could finally rest and stay there. The entire time Shepard held me and whispered to me while I watched her control my body through my eyes. It wasn’t scary. It was comforting. I could feel her with me. I thought I could smell her.”
She paused, considering her thoughts, and then added, “It must be extremely dangerous. Part of me wants her to return, which is likely how Harbinger possessed the Collectors. You want him with you, so you let him in and do what he wants. I fear it will be like indoctrination - the more you listen, the less capable you are, and the closer you are to a husk. We must be careful when communicating with Shepard this way. I may lose myself.”
“Couldn’t we take turns?” James asked.
“It could risk all of us losing ourselves,” Kaidan said. “Liara’s mind is already familiar with dealing with other consciousnesses, so we have no idea how it will affect our non-Asari minds. If she already worries at this stage, we may be gone immediately.”
“I think it will still be gradual,” Liara said, “but I fear it will become an addiction quickly for everyone. I will be Shepard’s only vessel, and we’ll communicate with her as much as possible while she’s a Reaper and create a list of questions so we can limit the amount of times she has to possess me.”
Garrus stopped listening as they started to discuss the project. He thought of what Liara said, having Shepard in her mind. Feeling her again. Smelling her again. He wanted it already. Could one time hurt?
He excused himself and found the Reaper outside, watching the sky. “Shouldn’t you help the other Reapers repair the Mass Relays in your downtime?” he asked.
The Reaper’s pupil grew larger. He wasn’t sure what that meant.
He lowered his voice and continued, “I wanted to talk to you about something.” He touched one of the Reaper’s limbs and leaned against it. “I want you to take control of me - just for a few minutes.”
The Reaper used another limb to write “NO” in the earth. It then pointed at the word.
“Shepard, I need you.”
It pointed to “NO” again.
He hugged its limb and propped his forehead against it. “Okay, I’ll drop it. I just miss you so much. I’m glad you have you back, but it’s different when you’re inside a huge monster.”
It wrote “I MISS YOU” in the earth.
Garrus smiled, and part of its limb lightly wrapped around Garrus’ back. He closed his eyes and tried to drift into a memory of them laying into bed together. He thought of Shepard’s soft arm around him. He thought of her smile and her laugh. The Reaper hardly felt like that. He thought the Reaper could crush him at any moment. He remembered watching the Reaper getting torn apart by the Thresher maw. He remembered Shepard standing in front of one - targeting it for the Normandy. He remembered the beam only missing her by a hair. He remembered fearing he’d see her disintegrated in front of his eyes.
He pulled away and said, “Sorry.”
It pointed to the “NO” again.
Garrus pointed to “I MISS YOU”.
*
When Garrus slept in the main battery, Shepard came into his dream. She kissed him, tracing her hands down his plated chest. The vision smelt like her. It felt like her too - for a moment. Her skin turned black and bumpy as she kissed him deeper, twisting her legs with his own. He wasn’t afraid of the change in her. It was a comfort to feel her in her new form.
Her lips didn’t move as he heard her say, “I love you Garrus Vakarian.”
He rubbed his chest and then his stomach as the sheets of his bed tightened around him. A comfort washed over him as he realized she had control of his body. It wasn’t his responsibility anymore. He could relax.
“You did it,” he said.
“You think I didn’t want to feel you again?” she asked. “I tried to be strong, but I’m not.”
He cupped her cheeks in his hand. Her eyes were black when they looked at him. “You’re the strongest person I know,” he said.
Holding her, he focussed on the feeling of her breaths against his neck. He traced his fingers down her back while she kissed his neck softly. “I can’t stay,” she replied. “You’ll lose yourself.”
“Thank you,” Garrus said. “Truly.”
She straddled his waist and kissed him before releasing control. An emptiness washed over him. He felt like he was missing a piece of himself. He wanted her back. An empty ache echoed inside of him, and he stood up out of bed. He comforted himself with the thought that she was alone in the Reaper as well. She was just as separated from him as he was her.
She was just humouring everyone. Being a Reaper was totally different from being the Commander of the Normandy. Maybe how everyone adapted was more like salt in the wounds, a constant reminder of what she lost for the safety of the galaxy.
He threw on some clothes and left the ship, staring up at the stars that loomed overhead. The Reaper sat, staring up at them as well. Garrus sat down beside it and wrapped his arm around one of its limbs.
He sat with it for a moment, trying to think of what he could say. His arm around it wasn’t a comfort to either of them - not when he could still remember her touch. “Do you want to do some target practice with me?” he asked.
The Reaper looked at him.
“It doesn’t matter how big you are, Shepard. I’ll always be the better shot,” he said. “Raise that limb for yes.”
The Reaper raised its limb.
“I’ll go get something for target practice.”
*
Several weeks later, Garrus stood outside, leaning against the Normandy and watching James box with the Reaper. The Reaper had an assortment of its front panels missing, with its interior wires clearly visible. Some of those were missing as well, but it was less noticeable. Joker stood in the entranceway, and, when Garrus noticed, he helped him step down. “Thanks,” he said.
Garrus just smiled before returning to watch.
“James really loves that thing,” Joker said.
“Yeah, he’s spending more time with it now that the unit is getting closer to its completion,” Garrus said. “It’s strange how we grow attached and used to certain things.”
“You’re going to miss her as a Reaper?”
“I don’t think so,” Garrus said with a chuckle, “but I have to say, I’ve grown used to her like this. I don’t want it to last forever, but these past few weeks haven’t been a living hell like I thought they’d be.”
“You haven’t watched much of the construction.”
“I don’t really want to think about the in-progress shots while I’m with her,” Garrus said. “It’s not really going to look like her, is it?”
“We’ve got the face shape pretty close and the body shape is similar, but it’ll be Reaper coloured. It won’t have the same hairstyle, though EDI made sure Shepard approved it. We’re working with what we’ve got. She’s anatomically correct, you know.”
Garrus turned to look at Joker. “I’m not sure how I feel about that.”
“You can thank me later,” Joker replied.
Garrus said, “The Mass Relays are taking a while to repair.”
“Yeah, you’d think Shepard would pick up the pace knowing how much quicker this would get done if we could just fly out and get the parts we need,” Joker said. “We don’t even have enough fuel to travel to another system, and the Reapers trashed most of the depots.”
“I suppose it doesn’t matter how many Reapers she has working, there’s only so much that can get done.”
“Yeah, I guess,” Joker said, taking off his hat to scratch his head. “What’re we going to do when she gets back? Do you think she’ll want to keep trying to keep the galaxy safe? Or are we finally going to get some downtime?”
“I have no idea,” Garrus replied. “Maybe she considers this her vacation.”
“Yeah, but what about ours?” Joker asked with a laugh. “I better be getting back in there. See you.”
“See you.”
*
They took the new unit out into the grass with the Reaper looming over it. The unit’s hair was made up of wires, and Tali hooked up those wires from the unit into the Reaper. Garrus looked at its black, plated flesh, and EDI had dressed it in some of Shepard’s clothes. Several of the others surrounded it, waiting. “Let’s hope this works,” Tali said. “Anytime you’re ready, Shepard.”
The Reaper released a single note of its sirens, and the blue lights inside of it illuminated until they turned white. Suddenly, the Reaper’s eye burst apart, shattering glass across them. Shepard’s body sat bolt upright and it made sounds similar to the way the Geth speak. Its eyes turned black, rolling back in its skull as it lay back down in the grass.
The Reaper didn’t move. Neither did the unit.
They waited as if any simple movement they made could tear either of them apart. Shepard sat bolt upright again, and when her eyes opened, they were a white-blue. “Commander Shepard reporting for duty, sir.”
“At ease, soldier,” Kaidan said with a laugh.
Tali asked, “Is it really you, Shepard?”
They all took a step back as the Reaper moved. It raised itself off the ground before collapsing several feet away. It let out a melancholy screech.
“We need its eye repaired,” Shepard said, stiffly standing up. “Do we have materials for it? Yes. Yes. We think we do. But where?”
She turned to the group. The Reaper stopped stumbling and sat down again.
“Shepard?” Liara asked.
“How is she moving if the Reaper is still moving?” James asked Tali.
Before Tali could respond, Shepard said, “We duplicated our consciousness rather than transferred it. We thought it would be safer in case data became corrupt in the transfer.”
“Was any data corrupt?” EDI asked.
“The transfer was 98% successful.”
“What 2% is missing?” Kaidan asked.
“It would take us approximately two hours to recite that information,” Shepard replied. “It is mostly childhood memories and colour theory. Nothing beneficial to this unit, and we can retrieve that information at a later date.”
“I’m a little worried about how much you sound like a machine, Shepard,” Garrus said. “Are you sure you didn’t lose more than that?”
“We are a duplicate,” Shepard replied. “We were created several moments earlier. Data is still settling in this unit. We recommend repairing the Reaper’s eye.”
“Top of my to-do list,” Tali replied. “Can you try getting up and moving around? I’d like to see if you’re missing any motor functions.”
Her companions waited as Tali and EDI ran some routine tests on the body and asked Shepard various questions to reflect not only her cognitive ability, but also Shepard’s memory. Her responses were short, efficient, and stiff. Garrus thought he might have preferred she stayed in the Reaper.
James tried sparring with the unit, asking her questions as he tested her reaction times. When she moved too swiftly, earth spilled out from her joints. She explained that this would lessen the more time she spent in the body, and it would not need to be replaced. During this explanation, she got a good punch into James’ gut, and he hugged the spot and hunched over. “She forgot to hold back,” he gasped.
“That is a positive sign,” EDI responded. “She forgets she is in a synthetic form and is remembering her human experiences.”
“Wish I had known that before,” James said through clenched teeth.
“We are truly sorry,” Shepard said.
“You can apologize by saying ‘I’ instead of ‘we’,” James said. “It’s creeping me out.”
“Are you counting separate programs like Legion did?” Tali asked, “Or are you counting you and the Reaper’s original personality?”
“The latter.”
“So you and the original Reaper’s personality haven’t synthesized completely?”
“No, we are one entity.”
“Then why do you keep saying we?” Tali asked.
“Because a part of us has little memories of who of any of you are,” Shepard said. “A part of us sees all the flaws and frustrations inside of you and thinks death would be mercy. It seems dangerous to hide this contrast in us.”
“So, uh, you still want to kill us?” Joker asked.
“A part of us sees it as an efficient solution to the problem,” Shepard replied. “Though it is interesting how the species united to defeat us. They were successful.”
“So you’re not going to kill us then?” Joker asked.
“Shepard has the primary controls and tells us to resist those urges. She shows us images of peace and progress. We will watch how this progresses and raise the suggestion again when war rages.”
“But Shepard still has the final say,” Garrus said.
“That is correct.”
“And you have access to all of Shepard’s memories and experiences, right?” Liara asked. “So you know how much potential we all have.”
“We also know how many hurdles have been put in Shepard’s way. How much doubt and disbelief fills your species’ minds. Please do not let fear frighten you. We accept Shepard’s judgment as our own. We cannot assume control. We will not destroy your races.”
“Gee, they’re considerate,” Joker said.
“It sounds like Shepard’s in an uphill battle,” Liara said.
“Are there more tests?” Shepard asked. “We hoped to speak with Admiral Hackett to discuss past events and what direction we should head in as a united force.”
“I will connect you to him on the comm,” EDI replied. “Please follow me.”
Garrus watched as Shepard followed EDI onto the ship. He expected more excitement. More embraces of joy. “Straight to business,” Joker said. “Did she lose her organic personality, do you think?”
Tali replied, “She said things were still settling inside her. Perhaps she’s using her most basic processes as she starts out, and we’ll see more of her before time passes.”
“I hope so,” Joker said. “I made a mistake calling her a robot before. She’s much more serious and stiff now.”
“What about the Reaper?” James asked. “It’s still alive.”
“I’ll repair its eye,” Tali said. “Maybe it plans to stick around as Shepard’s guardian.”
James said, “But Shepard’s still inside it, right? It duplicated its identity.”
“Shepard’s inside all of the Reapers,” Kaidan said. “I suppose we should be thankful they can’t all communicate with us or we might never stop getting phone calls.”
“It doesn’t sound like Shepard’s hold over the Reapers is separate,” Tali said. “While each Reaper is a separate entity, Shepard is not. So Shepard is at all times inside every unit, thus spreading her current experiences through all of them. That’s why only one Reaper came to our aid - she didn’t see the need to send another.”
“But are we going to have other Reapers approaching us just to see us?” Kaidan asked. “Or will Shepard keep them working and avoiding us?”
“And what about us?” James asked. “I like that Reaper. I don’t want to see it fly away to its buddies.”
“I don’t know,” Tali said. “I think that Reaper will stay us as a protector and to oversee the new unit.”
“Will the new unit create distance between Shepard and the Reapers?” Garrus asked. “If Shepard sacrificed herself to be a part of them, she’s already distancing herself from them by having that unit.”
“Didn’t you want that unit to get into her business?” James asked.
“I wanted Shepard back,” Garrus said, firmly.
“And we got her back with the Reapers,” Kaidan said. “But this unit gives the Reapers a voice to speak for them - a very familiar and impressionable voice to the rest of the galaxy. If anything it will give them inroads to becoming an accepted race rather than a threat. As much as I wanted Shepard back too, I understand why the Reapers would want this unit.”
“And if it travels with us, the Normandy crew, as a Spectre, well, it adds a certain authority to the Reapers. They are no longer a threat. They have a familiar face for people to recognize and trust. They are our guardians,” Tali said.
“Which is all Shepard wanted to be,” Liara said, quietly.
“Yeah,” Joker said, offering Liara a smile.
“What do you think of all this?” Garrus asked Liara. “You’ve been quiet.”
Liara hugged herself and shrugged. “It’s not quite the Shepard I remember,” she said, “but the Shepard inside me was very different from that unit. I think Tali may be right - it’s just taking time for Shepard’s personality to be settled. The Reaper is affectionate and caring. The unit - Shepard - will likely be too.”
“And if it’s not?” James asked.
“Is it selfish of me to say I’ll take what I can get?” Liara asked.
“I guess we should accept that there’s a possibility that this unit will be strictly business,” Kaidan said. “The Reaper is affectionate because it has no other jobs to do. Shepard told it to protect us. Its job is to take care of us. The unit is Shepard again. And how much downtime did Shepard give us?”
“In her defence,” Liara said, “all of our missions with her have been extremely time-sensitive.”
“And she took time to bone you on the job, Kaidan,” Joker said. “And Garrus too. There had to be some research involved for that one.”
“I did most of the research,” Garrus said. “Mordin helped some too.”
“She took time to get to know us,” Tali said, “and she took time to help us. Even if it felt like we were constantly on the go, she still took time for her crew. It’s likely she will again.”
James said, “But what if she is just a figurehead for the Reapers?”
“Then she should have her humanity,” Liara said. “She should have her personality. If she comes across as an AI, her place in the Reapers will be questioned. If she’s herself, then everyone will know she’s in charge.”
“And this ‘we’ stuff?” Joker said. “Let’s not forget that the Reapers still think we’d be better off dead. Shepard must be having a real thrill inside of Harbinger’s mind.”
“I’d think she’d know when to hold her tongue,” Garrus said. “She wanted to be honest with us. Let’s face it, that Reaper likes us, even if it thinks we’re better off dead. It will likely hide under the gaze of Hackett.”
“I really should fix his eye,” Tali said.
“I suppose we won’t know what will happen with Shepard until time passes,” Liara replied. “It might not even take that much time.”
“I’m going to go inside and see what she’s saying to Hackett,” Joker said.
“Could you use a hand fixing the Reaper’s eye, Tali?” James asked.
“I’d love the help,” Tali replied. “Come on.”
Joker, James, and Tali returned to the ship. Liara, Kaidan, and Garrus lingered outside. Garrus was afraid to go inside. He didn’t want to be ignored by Shepard. He didn’t want her inhuman blue eyes to gaze through him. He wondered if Liara and Kaidan feared the same thing.
“We’ll get used to her, right?” Kaidan asked. “We got used to the Reaper. We’ll get used to her like this too.”
“And we’ll always have the Reaper,” Liara said.
Garrus contributed nothing. Kaidan said, “I’ll see if Tali needs an extra hand,” and returned to the ship.
Liara lightly touched Garrus’ arm and said, “Are you all right?”
“Yeah. You?”
“I’m still processing,” Liara said. “I’m trying not to lose hope.”
“Every time she comes back, it’s like another piece of her is missing.”
“Except for the first time,” Liara said. “When Cerberus brought her back.”
“She lost some patience then,” Garrus said. He smirked at her and added, “And restraint.”
“We’re not going to lose her - not completely,” Liara said. “We both know Shepard is complete somewhere.”
“Why do you think I know?”
Liara smiled. “Shepard opened her mind to me every time she took control of me. I know you asked her. I know she didn’t want to. I know she missed you too much to ignore what was right.”
“Not one of my proudest moments.”
“I understand,” Liara said. “I won’t tell anyone.”
“I appreciate it,” Garrus said. “I’m sorry you saw it.”
“I’m not,” she said. “I just want her to be happy.”
“I just want her back,” Garrus said.
Liara smiled weakly and said, “I should get back in there.”
Garrus nodded, and Liara returned to the ship. He hesitated and then walked to the blind Reaper. “It’s just me,” he said as it turned to the source of the noise.
It tentatively outstretched one of its limbs, and Garrus lightly touched it before wrapping his arm around it. “I guess target practice is out of the question,” Garrus said.
The Reaper gently pressed back against him. “Do you want me to stay here until Tali and the others come back?” Garrus asked. “Stay still for yes. Point to the ground for no.”
The Reaper stayed still.
“It must be terrifying to be in complete darkness when you’re not used to it,” Garrus said. “Although I guess I don’t know if you’re in complete darkness or not. Either way, I’m here. I always want to help you through your darkest moments, Shepard.”
*
Garrus stood at the main panel of the main battery, trying to see how much of the weapons systems he lost while repairing the Reaper and developing Shepard’s unit. He supposed weapon systems were hardly important when you had a Reaper on your side.
Tali and the others helped fix the Reaper’s eye with its guidance, but the repair sacrificed some of the Normandy’s non-mandatory parts. Joker hardly approved, but everyone had accepted the Reaper as part of the crew. That, and they were unsure of how to transport the Reaper when it didn’t seem capable of getting off the ground without its vision.
As Garrus made a list of the parts that needed to be replaced, Shepard walked in. “Hey,” Garrus said, not looking up from his data pad. “How are you feeling?”
Shepard closed the doors. “More like myself.”
“No more ‘we’?” Garrus asked.
“The Reaper part of, well, us, wants to be seen as me,” Shepard replied. “I guess because you all treated the Reaper as me, it saw the benefit of just flat-out being me. It’s accepted me completely, though I still hear it, but it’s more like another train of thought inside of me.”
He turned to face her. It was strange, hearing Shepard, but seeing this manufactured object that was extremely similar to her, but with her flesh a metallic black and her eyes an illuminated blue. Her facial features were spot-on, and the unit wore Shepard’s smile perfectly. The unit looked natural in Shepard’s old clothes too.
“Did duplicating your identity disconnect you from the Reaper?” Garrus asked. “Or do you exist in both places?”
“I exist inside every Reaper,” Shepard said. “So my memories and thoughts are transferred throughout them. I could likely try to hide things from them if I wanted, but I don’t really see the point of it. The Reaper here, the Reaper inside of this vessel, it exists in both places with its consciousness shared. Memories and information are not transmitted instantaneously, but quickly. We recovered all lost data. When the Reaper outside couldn’t see, it both saw through this unit’s eyes and the darkness of its original unit.”
She approached Garrus with a familiar determination. He wasn’t sure how he felt about it. He wanted her against him for so long, but now, in this strange new body, he wasn’t sure he still did.
“Do you know the interesting thing about that, Garrus Vakarian?” Shepard asked. “When the Reaper lost its vision, it focussed on what the new unit was doing until you came to visit. When you sat down beside it, it dropped all of its processes in this body. It sacrificed its sight and the new thrills of this body, just to hear you and feel your touch.”
“So you’re telling me the Reaper has a crush on me?” Garrus asked with a chuckle.
“I’m telling you that the Reaper appreciates the kindness you and the rest of the crew show it,” Shepard said. “That’s interesting, isn’t it? That this Reaper appreciates any alien contact at all. That this Reaper desires it, even.”
“Isn’t that your doing?” Garrus asked. “Your influence over them.”
“If it is,” Shepard replied, “then we can see how much my control will change them over time, but we can’t ignore the importance of the crew’s role in this. It’s happening in other places too, where the Reapers are working alongside humans to repair the Mass Relays. When they’re treated as part of the team, they want to continue being part of the team. They seek out acceptance and approval.”
“That’s interesting and all, but I’m more than a little disappointed the Reaper doesn’t have a crush on me.”
“Well, I thought it went without saying,” Shepard replied with a smile. “I just didn’t know if - if things were different.”
“Things are definitely different,” Garrus said.
Shepard avoided his eyes, busying themselves with the ground. “I can accept if you want to just be friends,” Shepard said. “We can still be Shepard and Vakarian until the end. We can still fight our battles united.”
Garrus cupped her cheeks in his hands. “Did you hear me when you forced me back onto the Normandy when you went ahead?”
She didn’t respond and continued to avoid his eyes.
“I said I love you.”
“You can love me platonically,” Shepard said. “It doesn’t need to be romantic if you don’t want it to be.”
“I want it to be,” Garrus said. “It might take some getting used to, but I still love you. And I really like the Reaper inside of you. It’s a better shot than you.”
“It wasn’t so kind as to let you win,” Shepard said.
“Still a liar, I see,” Garrus replied.
Shepard raised herself to kiss him, and he wrapped his arms around her, drawing out the kiss. She smelt of earth. It reminded him of the nights he sat with the Reaper, just watching the stars together. She propped her forehead against his and hugged him tightly. “Well, we already have one problem, Shepard.”
“What’s that?”
“We can no longer find out what a Turian-Human hybrid looks like. Adoption will be our only option,” he said with a sigh. “We’re probably going to face a lot of prejudice too, what with you controlling an army of reformed killer robots.”
“Hey, I’m also the saviour,” Shepard said.
“Yeah, but the adoption agency is going to say, can she really handle a child when she has to take care of hundreds of Reapers?” Garrus asked. “Luckily, you’ll have me to fall back down on. An upstanding Turian citizen. What would you do without me, Shepard? Other than sacrifice everything to take control of all the Reapers.”
“I’d do the same thing you’d do without me.”
“And what’s that?”
“I’d find any way to get back to you,” Shepard said.
Garrus smiled and hugged her again. She kissed him.