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Garrus lay in Shepard’s bed, hugging a pillow to his chest. He could still smell her on the sheets. How long had it been since he comforted EDI? Ten minutes? An hour? A day? It all blurred together. Garrus couldn’t think about the time that currently passed him by; he could only think about the time he had wasted without Shepard at his side.
He breathed into the pillow. He had always thought Shepard’s skin was too soft, but it was this pillow that was too soft. Shepard was just right. Perfect - for a human, anyway. He closed his eyes and thought of standing on the Citadel with her. He had never been good in the romance department, but somehow firing a sniper rifle with Shepard worked. He thought of tossing the container in the air for her to shoot. He remembered her eyes shifting to him before she fired.
The thought hit him suddenly. Had she missed on purpose?
He embraced her afterwards. She always touched him. His face. His hands. Whatever was uncovered by armour so she could really feel him. He spent more time hesitating. Her skin was too soft and fragile. He had seen the scars on her when they first met. He still remembered the scar through her eyebrow and chin and the scars that lingered when Cerberus rebuilt her. And would she be repulsed by his Turian touch?
Apparently not.
He could have touched her all he wanted and he hesitated like they had all the time in the world.
Garrus rolled onto his back. “My name is Garrus Vakarian and I am the sorriest fool in the galaxy.”
He saw a picture of him pushing away the camera on her nightstand. Had they taken any photos of them together? He’d have to ask Liara. Later. After Shepard’s smell had faded from the room. He wouldn’t leave until it was completely gone. It seemed like a waste otherwise.
He heard the door open, and Kaidan Alenko walked in. He took a step back when he noticed Garrus. “Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t realize anyone was in here.”
“I’m too quiet, I guess,” Garrus said, sitting upright. He was suddenly very embarrassed of hugging her pillow to his chest. It was stupid to be embarrassed, but he couldn’t push those feelings away.
He assumed Kaidan sensed it when the biotic said, “We all miss her.”
Garrus hesitated and looked away from Kaidan. “Yeah.”
“Do you want me to go?”
“No, it’s fine,” Garrus said. “I don’t know what I’m doing here.”
Kaidan sat down in the chair at Shepard’s desk. They couldn’t quite see each other, and Garrus felt better about it. “You’re mourning. It’s fine. Liara won’t leave her office. Tali is sleeping in the lounge. The others are coming to have another send-off. I don’t know if we should take down her nameplate and put it back up with everyone there.”
“That sounds a little ridiculous.”
“Yeah,” Kaidan said.
“About as ridiculous as being afraid to leave her room,” Garrus said.
Kaidan paused and added, “But if it makes them feel better, why the hell not, right?”
“Yeah,” Garrus replied with a chuckle. “Why the hell not?”
He leaned back in Shepard’s bed. When Kaidan made no motion to leave, Garrus said, “There’s a picture of you in the drawer to your left - the second from the top. It’s face-up, I guess so she can see it whenever she opens the drawer.”
“What else is in the drawer?”
“I stopped snooping when I saw your picture,” Garrus said.
He heard Kaidan open the drawer and then laugh. “It’s just a lot of booze.”
Garrus couldn’t help but laugh as well. “I guess she looked at you a lot, then.”
“Is Thane in one of these drawers?”
“I don’t know,” Garrus said. “Liara is out on the desk, though. I assume Tali’s kicking around here somewhere too. The picture with everyone is out on the desk with Liara.”
“What about the Krogans?”
“Wrex smashed her camera,” Garrus said. “She was probably too cheap to risk taking one of Grunt.”
He listened to Kaidan open and close her drawers. “She has one of Mordin and the female Krogan here,” he said. “She did get one of her and Wrex. Taken from a distance - Liara probably helped her. She and him are working on their guns together.”
“What about Grunt?”
“Still looking,” Kaidan said. After a beat he said, “Thane and Kolyat are here. I think its Thane’s though. Maybe he gave it to her, or maybe she took it after he passed.” Kaidan leaned back in his chair and said, “So much happened when Thane died. I always regret not talking to her about it.”
“I usually let her take the lead,” Garrus said. “When she stabbed Kai Leng, she said something like, ‘This is for Thane, you son of a bitch.’ I bet it felt really good. Probably better than talking to us about it.”
“If you say so.”
“You don’t think it felt good?”
“No, I do. I just - I don’t know. Shepard liked to talk these things out, and she liked to listen to you talk these things out. That’s one of the things I really loved about her. Not too many people take time to stop and really listen to their team like that. I worry I didn’t offer her the same courtesy.”
Garrus shrugged. “I don’t know about that.”
With just a hint of acid, Kaidan replied, “Well, you knew her better than me, I guess.”
Garrus smiled at that. His victory over Kaidan was still satisfying. He supposed the fact that he followed her when Kaidan doubted her helped his chances, but even so, it was satisfying to be wanted over a prime human specimen like Kaidan. Maybe he didn’t have enough scars for her.
“I’m always going to regret leaving her on Horizon, aren’t I? I’ll always look back on my life and wonder what would have happened if I followed her. Would I have died in the Collector base? Would I have contributed to the team at all?”
“Would she have chosen you instead of me?”
“Honestly, it’s not even about that. I can’t stop thinking of the time I wasted being without her. I was so mad about losing two years with her, I missed out on another one.”
Garrus sighed. “I know what you mean. All the times I spent calibrating weapons when we were first really connecting.”
“Wait, you were actually calibrating?” Kaidan said. “I always thought it was some kind of inside sex joke. Like you’d use that excuse when you went to make out with Shepard.”
“Oh no, not at all. I used to it dodge her sometimes. When I first started to, you know, care about her too much, I didn’t know what to say to her. I hardly knew what to say to her when I first saw her again. She was supposed to be dead, and now she’s back and saving my ass without missing a beat.”
“I guess she’s saved all of us at one point or another.”
“And in more ways than one,” Garrus said. “Though I suppose she lost count of how many times she saved you. I remember her lifting you over her shoulder and carrying you onto the Normandy.” Garrus laughed. “Wrex made a lot of jokes about that.”
Garrus’ laughter faded when he realized Kaidan didn’t laugh as well. Kaidan said, “That’s when she chose to save me instead of Ash.”
Garrus hesitated before saying, “We’ve lost a lot of good people.”
“Sometimes I wonder if we’ve lost the best people. Mordin sacrificed himself for the Krogans. Shepard tried to save him, but he wouldn’t hear it. Thane died fighting - and he wouldn’t let Shepard save him either. Ash told her I was the right choice to save. I tried to tell her otherwise, but she wouldn’t listen to me. I bet she wouldn’t have had to carry Ash into the Normandy.”
“And Anderson made it up to the Citadel with her. Tough sonuvabitch, that one.”
“Legion didn’t let her stop it either,” Kaidan said. “She loved that god damn robot.”
“I think he loved her too. With that armour.”
“It was creepy, right?”
“Yeah, maybe. I’d consider welding a piece of her armour to mine right now though.”
“Me too.”
They stayed in a comfortable silence together for the moment. Garrus counted the moments he missed out on touching Shepard. The times he told her “Later” or “Not now”. He doubted she was hurt by them, but now he was. He could have pulled her into his arms. He could have kissed her.
Garrus said, “Fuck it all. Maybe I should have asked about Thane too.”
“I found a picture of Grunt.”
“Oh yeah?”
“There’s a few. He’s pointing at her fish and complaining about something. They’re playing with her space ships together. There’s one of him reaching in to try to grab her hamster and her hand’s in the frame trying to pull his arm out of the tank.”
“We weren’t even sure it was a good idea to open Grunt’s tank.”
Kaidan laughed. “You knew she was going to open it though, right? She has such a soft spot for the Krogans.”
“Grunt told me when she went down to Tuchanka to help him, she actually head butted one of the Krogans that mouthed off to him. Could you imagine that? Wish I had been there, but she took Mordin. Probably wanted to convince him the genophage was wrong.”
“She really head butted a Krogan?”
“Mordin confirmed it. He thought it was fascinating. I had to listen to him talk about it and about Shepard’s affections for the Krogan.”
“I don’t think either of us would even be in the running if Wrex had been interested in her romantically.”
“Don’t put that image in my head, Alenko. I’ll never get it out.”
“You had to have thought of it before.”
“Yeah, maybe when she was with you, but not when she was with me.”
Kaidan laughed. “You never saw the way she laughed when Wrex picked her off the ground to hug her while calling her his friend? He only did that recently, if I recall correctly.”
Garrus wasn’t sure why, but that comment pissed him off. Even if Alenko had been right (and Garrus was determined he wasn’t), she still stayed with him. Maybe he was pissed off because it was true, maybe he was pissed off because Wrex wouldn’t have let being crushed by a tank stop him from following her. He stood up and said, “You’re scum, do you know that Alenko? She should have picked Liara when you confronted her about flirting with her.”
“If she picked Liara, she never would have dated you,” Kaidan said, his smile fading. “She’d have just stayed with Liara the whole time.”
Garrus approached him and said, “Liara didn’t come with us to fight the Collectors.”
“Like Liara would have let her go without her if they’d been in a relationship.”
“I bet you think Liara would have saved her from this mess too, do you Alenko?” Garrus said, standing up. “I bet you think Liara would have made it to the Citadel, and Liara would have been there for her.”
“What are you talking about?” Kaidan said, sliding away from Garrus in his chair. “If Liara had gone up with her, she’d be dead too.”
“You don’t know that!”
“Anderson went up with her,” Kaidan said. “He didn’t make it.”
Garrus grabbed the front of Kaidan’s shirt and pulled him out of the chair. “If you hadn’t held me back, I could have gone through with her. I could have saved her.”
“Garrus, if I hadn’t held you back, you’d have died before you even got to the Citadel. Even if you made it, you’d be just as dead as Anderson.”
“Maybe that’d be better!”
Both turned to look as the door to the room opened. James took a step back. “Oh, uh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize there was anyone in here.” He paused as he looked at Garrus holding Kaidan’s shirt. Garrus released it. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah,” Kaidan said.
Garrus walked back down to the bed. There it was. He had fought Saren and Sovereign with her. He had fought the Collectors with her. The plan was always to go down shooting together. He dropped back on top the bed.
James said, “Are you guys stealing something too?”
“What?” Kaidan asked.
“I mean, I don’t know, I just thought I’d take something small from her office to remember her by.”
Kaidan didn’t hide his disgust as he asked, “Like what?”
“I don’t know. Maybe one of the ships? Maybe the hamster.”
“You couldn’t take care of a hamster,” Kaidan said with a laugh.
“Yeah I could.”
“Take whatever you want,” Garrus said into the pillow.
James said, “Hey, are these pictures? Look, everyone’s here.” He paused and said, “Wait, where am I?”
Garrus raised his head from the pillow and noticed Kaidan glance his way. “I don’t know if she had much time to take pictures this time around,” Kaidan said. “You know, busy trying to save the galaxy. You’re in the group picture though.”
“She has the Geth, but she doesn’t have me,” James said.
“She knew Legion longer than you,” Garrus said.
“Hey, I was the one keeping an eye on her when she was on Earth,” James said. “I’ve known her for a while. And I know that neither of you tried to contact her while she was with me.”
“Did anyone?” Garrus asked.
“The Drell did,” James said. “He’s a cool guy. There’s gotta be a picture of me somewhere.”
“Maybe it’s just on her computer,” Kaidan said. “She might not have gotten the chance to move it into a frame.”
“Yeah, maybe,” James said. He stopped looking through the pictures, and Garrus knew he was afraid to not find himself in Shepard’s pictures. “So if you guys aren’t taking something, what are you doing?”
“Yelling at each other mostly,” Garrus said.
“Her cabin is really sound proof,” James said. “I had no idea anyone was even in here.”
“I suspect they reinforced it when they realized she had a Turian boyfriend,” Garrus said.
“Screaming because of what your naked body looks like, right?” James said with a laugh.
Kaidan covered his mouth to hide his smile. Garrus said, “I can respect that it’s a good joke, but you’ll forgive me for not really being in the mood.”
“Yeah, sorry about, you know, making jokes and stuff,” James said. “Can I take the hamster?”
“I wasn’t planning on taking care of him,” Garrus said. “Kaidan?”
“He’s all yours,” Kaidan said.
“Fuck yeah!” James said, “And I’m going to take one of the ships for good measure.”
“Hey, we said one thing,” Garrus said.
“Sorry to interrupt,” EDI said from overhead. “But I thought you might be interested in knowing that the Reapers are moving.”
“What?” Kaidan asked.
“They’ve just dropped their equipment and started walking away.”
“Are they just done with helping and are leaving?” Garrus asked.
“Maybe Shepard couldn’t control them forever,” Kaidan said. “Maybe we should have destroyed them when we had the chance.”
“They’re just walking away,” EDI said, “and only the ones in the nearby vicinity. All other Reaper activity is normal.”
“Maybe they wanted to go take a dump together or something,” James said.
“Regardless of their intentions, Jeff and I are going to follow them.”
“Well screw that, I’m going too,” James said. “Wait for me!”
James left the room, and Kaidan and Garrus exchanged glances. “One last mission?” Kaidan asked.
“Yeah, sure,” Garrus said. He got off the bed, and Kaidan waited for him in the doorway. “Sorry for earlier.”
“I was pushing your buttons.”
“You’re damn right you were,” Garrus replied, laughing.
The pair walked through the Normandy and jogged to catch up with the others. EDI gave Joker a piggyback as they walked through the grass. Liara, red-eyed and tired, walked next to them. Tali walked next to Liara, watching her carefully. James strode in front, constantly looking back to make sure the others were behind him. Even Lieutenant Cortez, Specialist Traynor, Engineer Donnelly and Engineer Daniels walked with them.
Garrus heard from the others that Engineer Adams and Dr. Chakwas stayed behind in case they needed medical care.
Kaidan walked next to Garrus. It was strange to walk together without Shepard in front of them. He wondered what Shepard saw in Kaidan. Kaidan was calm and calculated. He was modest and romantic. He was an Alliance man through-and-through. Simply put, Garrus didn’t see himself as any of those things. He abandoned C-Sec. He abandoned Specter training. He didn’t want to be a soldier obeying commands, unless they were Shepard’s. And even then, he’d question her judgement and brainstorm with her.
Fuck, he missed her. What was he supposed to do without her?
He could see the Reapers walking through the long grass in the distance. It was strange to see them walking. They looked like a giant human’s hands stepping through the grass.
“Hey, Garrus,” Kaidan said, “for what it’s worth, I’m glad we didn’t separate this time. I mean, I’m glad the team stuck together after her death. I don’t think I could have gone through this again alone.”
“If you ever need me to yell at you, just ask, Alenko.”
“No, I mean it. I’d rather have you pushing me and snapping than being alone. I know it sounds odd, but it’s a comfort knowing other people are as in as much pain as me. Sometimes I need that reminder.”
Kaidan looked at Garrus and gave him a weak smile. Garrus gave him a nod. Maybe he could see what Shepard saw in him.
The Reapers stopped and formed a circle. Garrus noticed others had followed the Reapers as well. Humans, Turians, Krogan, Asari, Geth. Everyone who had been stranded on this planet came.
And no one was armoured.
No one carried a gun.
If this was a battle, it’d be a slaughter.
Liara yelled, “Shepard!” and ran into the circle.
Tali tried to grab her, but Liara pulled away. For a split second, Garrus hated her for the hope that rose in him. And then he heard, “Careful.”
He ran through the grass and saw Liara hugging a very alive Shepard in the grass. As he stood and stared, Tali ran up to hug her as well. One of Shepard’s arms stayed wrapped around Liara, and the other hung limp at her side. She laughed and nuzzled Tali’s helmet as Liara thanked the goddess under her breath.
Her eyes rose up to Garrus. She smiled.
That was all it took. As he dropped into the grass with her, he thought of all the time he wasted not touching her. He slid underneath her and wrapped his arms around her waist, careful not to displace Tali or Liara. She kissed him and said, “I can’t feel my legs.”
Kaidan said, “Commander, maybe it’s time I returned the favour and carried you off the battlefield.”
“It’d be an honor, Major.”
When Garrus looked at him, he could almost hear Kaidan saying, “Let me have this,” to him. Garrus lifted her off the ground and handed her to Kaidan. Liara smoothed out her hair and held her hand. Garrus gave Shepard some space, as much as he hated to. They’d make up for lost time soon enough, he told himself.
He watched as the others swarmed around her, asking questions that she didn’t quite respond to. Her eyes were slightly glazed. Garrus could tell one thing - she was in a lot of pain. He looked around him and noticed the others gave them space, but they watched until the Reapers started to walk away. Then the others followed the Reapers away. He wondered what made him follow them in the first place.
Shepard asked, “What are you thinking about, EDI?”
“I am trying to process which questions I want to ask you without overwhelming you,” EDI replied. “I have a lot of questions.”
“Me too,” Shepard said. “How long was I out?”
“A week,” Kaidan said. “The Normandy crashed-landed here. We were all fine, but we’re stuck here for a little while.”
Shepard said, “It looks like the Reapers stopped fighting us.”
“They’re helping rebuild,” Tali said.
“Damndest thing,” James added.
“And are we all a mix of organics and synthetics?” Shepard said. “Did it really work?”
“It really worked, Commander,” EDI said. “You have given me a great gift.”
“You’ve given everyone one,” Liara softly said.
“Hopefully it’ll help fix my limbs,” Shepard said with a laugh.
Shepard promised to tell the entire story once she had seen Dr. Chakwas and got everything fixed up. Kaidan carried her into the Med Bay, and then everyone was kicked out. Liara waited by the window. Everyone went to the lounge to celebrate with drinks, except for EDI (who went to tell the others of Shepard’s survival) and Garrus who waited with Liara.
When it was just the two of them, Liara pulled her eyes away to smile at Garrus. She said, “I had just given up hope.”
“Same here,” Garrus said. “Almost killed Alenko.”
“What if she hadn’t come back?” Liara asked. “What would we have done?”
“Stuck together,” Garrus said. “We’re still the Normandy’s crew.”
“I don’t know if I could bear all the memories here,” Liara softly replied, looking back through the window. “She would have haunted this place.”
“My instincts would have told me to run like before,” Garrus said, “but I think I’d want to remember her wherever I turn. She told me no matter what happened, she’d always be with me.”
Liara didn’t reply.
Garrus exhaled and glanced through the window to see Dr. Chakwas laughing with Shepard. “I’m going to have a drink with the others,” Garrus said. “I know we’d all appreciate you there.”
Without pulling her eyes away, Liara smiled and replied, “Maybe later.”
Garrus walked to the lounge to find the others sitting around talking about their favourite Shepard moments. Kaidan was telling a story from before any of the others had met her. As he took a drink, he felt cheated. Some of the crew had known Shepard longer than he had. Hell, she even found Wrex before him. They all had moments and stories about her. He tried to remember moments when it was just her and him, but those moments he wanted to keep to himself.
Tali told the story of Shepard talking her people out of exiling her. Garrus sat on a barstool facing the group. He probably seemed broody, but he wasn’t terribly worried. EDI arrived and lifted Joker into her arms as she sat down on the couch. He complained under his breath until she reminded him that she couldn’t sit in his lap, so he’d have to settle with this.
James told the story from when he was first on the Normandy, and he challenged Shepard to a boxing match only to get his ass kicked. He noted how his nose always seemed a little bit crooked since then. “It’s always a mistake to challenge Shepard to anything melee,” Garrus said. “I may be a better shot than her, but she could knock me out anytime in hand to hand combat.”
“Speaking from experience, Vakarian?” Joker said.
“Do you remember the first time a brute charged at us?” James asked, pointing at Kaidan. “Shepard just braced herself and stabbed it with her omni-tool. She dodged while her shields regenerated and then stabbed the fucker again. She had a gun, but she wanted to physically tear it apart.”
“It was probably too close to get a decent shot,” Kaidan said. “I just remember trying to miss her when I shot at it.”
“I wish she had done that before I asked her to dance with me,” James said. “I wouldn’t have even considered it.”
“Did you ever hear Liara’s story of how she took down the Shadow Broker?” Tali asked. “There were moments where the Yahg wouldn’t be affected by ammo, so she had to physically fight it.”
“Is Liara not here?” Kaidan asked.
“I’ll go check on her,” Garrus said.
Relief washed over Garrus as he left the group and walked to the Med Bay. He knew it was silly to get competitive about Shepard, but he felt it anyway. He’d have to convince Shepard into a solo mission with him - one where she didn’t talk him out of killing someone. One where he wasn’t embarrassed to retell the story.
He looked through the Med Bay window to see Doctor Chakwas at her desk and Liara sleeping on the hospital bed with Shepard. Shepard wore a tank top and boybriefs. A cast sat on her leg and arm, and her other leg was in a brace. Her stomach and forehead were bandaged. Shepard was awake, but her eyes struggled to stay open. Garrus walked into the room.
“She has some heavy sedatives in her,” Doctor Chakwas said, “and I don’t think Liara’s slept at all since she was missing. If Shepard says anything that doesn’t quite make sense, that’s why.”
“But she’ll be fine?” Garrus asked.
“Oh you know her,” she replied with a smile. “She’ll be fine.”
Garrus pulled up a chair and sat next to Shepard. “Hey Garrus.”
“What’s the damage?”
“Broken arm. Couple broken ribs - not on the side Liara’s sleeping on. Broken leg. Sprained ankle. Broken toe. Stab wound to the stomach. I don’t even know how many stitches. I lost a tooth as well, but they can grow a new one.”
“So nothing that can’t be repaired.”
“Just my pride,” Shepard said.
Liara mumbled under her breath, and Shepard winced as Liara squeezed her tighter, nuzzling into her neck. Garrus gently lifted Liara’s arm off of Shepard. “Thanks,” Shepard said.
“Do you want me to take her out of here?”
“No,” Shepard said. “She needs her sleep, and she’s not doing any harm being here. You can cuddle up too, Vakarian. There’s room.”
Garrus laughed. “There’s no room. There’s barely even room for you and Liara.”
“There’s plenty of room,” Shepard said.
Garrus took Shepard’s hand and ran his fingers along the cast. He kissed the fingers that peeked through. “You said you loved me,” Shepard said. “You’re such a softy.”
“Moment of weakness.”
“Totally heads over heels in love with me,” Shepard said. “Ready to take on the galaxy with me.”
“I believe we already took on the galaxy several times.”
“Good point.”
“Should I let you rest?”
“Nope,” Shepard said, closing her eyes. “It’s probably driving you crazy not to be around me.”
“I thought maybe you hadn’t heard me say it,” Garrus said, stroking her hair. “I worried I wasn’t loud enough.”
“You could have whispered it during a hurricane and I would have heard it. Are hurricanes loud? You could have whispered it while a Reaper screamed and I would have heard it.”
“It’s strange,” Garrus said, “I don’t regret anything you did for me. I don’t regret squeezing more kisses or declarations of affection for you. I regret not kissing you enough and telling you how I feel enough. I wasted so long worrying I was making the wrong choice by blowing off steam with you and-”
“I think she’s asleep,” Doctor Chakwas said.
He watched her chest rise and fall. Her lips were slightly parted. Her grip on Liara was looser than before.
“I think you’re right,” Garrus said with a laugh. “Can I stay here?”
“Sure,” she replied, “but I’ll try to keep the others out for a while. She’ll wake pretty easily.”
Garrus nodded. Liara wrapped her arm back around Shepard, but her grip was loose. Shepard didn’t wince. Shepard turned her head to nuzzle into Liara’s hair. Doctor Chakwas said, “I’ll go read in the mess hall and stop anyone from coming in.”
“Thanks,” Garrus said. “I really appreciate it.”
“She’ll give you time alone soon,” she replied.
Garrus simply gave her a nod as the doctor left. He stayed holding her hand as she slept.
*
Garrus watched the entrance as he sat in the lounge with the others. Shepard promised to come in to explain what happened, and EDI set up the intercom so Shepard’s story would broadcast through the ship, since the lounge only had so much room. Liara stayed behind with Shepard as Doctor Chakwas ran a few additional tests, even after Garrus insisted that he could stay instead.
The others continued their stories of Shepard while they waited, only Joker and Garrus stayed quiet and listened, and Garrus didn’t waste time wondering about what went through Joker’s head. He simply sat stiffly and waited, relaxing only when Liara and Shepard came into the room. Shepard kept her good arm around Liara’s shoulders, with Liara helping her walk with the cast and brace. Several people, including Garrus, stood up to offer to help, but Shepard waved them away and said Liara could handle it.
She dropped down next to Garrus, and he felt a little foolish wrapping his arm around her shoulders when he realized that she held Liara’s hand. He released her and folded his hands together in his lap. Had she changed her mind again? Was he a complete fool and everyone noticed except for him? Liara had stolen her body. Liara worked to ensure she could be brought back to life. Liara had been around nearly as long as he had.
Shepard recounted the events after she got on the Citadel. She explained what happened with the Illusive Man and Anderson. She talked about going up to the Catalyst and the options it gave her. Garrus watched her squeeze Liara’s hand. She explained that she thought synthesis was the best option, and how she struggled to decide between taking control of the Reapers and the synthesis option.
“My head hurt so much,” she said with a laugh. “I couldn’t really think straight and make a clear judgment. I just knew destroying all synthetics was not an option. We worked too hard to save the Geth. EDI’s worked too hard to become the person she is. I feared that if I took control of the Reapers, I wouldn’t actually have full control. And, who knows, maybe being alive for billions of years would ultimately make me want to repeat the cycle. I thought maybe I’d lose myself in them and see destruction as the only solution down the road.”
“So you judged that synthesis would be the best solution that would ultimately give us all free will,” EDI said.
“Yes,” Shepard said. “Also the Catalyst said it was the best option, so I thought I’d take its word for it.” She laughed weakly. “I’m glad it was a good call.”
“So you knew you’d probably survive, at least in some capacity, with the first two options,” Kaidan said, “but you weren’t sure about the third.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t think it was worth being alive for the first two options,” Shepard said. “How long would it be until I wasn’t myself if I became a part of the Reapers? And I’m not going to sacrifice an entire species, synthetic or not, just so I can walk on Earth again. I didn’t want to die, don’t get me wrong, but - I don’t know, it just seemed like the right choice. It’s still a little foggy. Have you guys noticed the change in yourselves?”
“I think the changes have been subtle so far,” Tali said. “It hasn’t been very long.”
“EDI’s noticed the change,” Joker said.
Liara said, “I think the synthetics will notice the difference right away, but it’ll take us some time to realize we’re processing thoughts better and our memories are lasting longer. It’s possible our organic emotions are just getting in the way of noticing that change.”
“So how did you end up back here?” James asked. “Do you remember any of that?”
“I just remember stepping into the beam of light and feeling, I don’t know, good again. Next thing I knew I was opening my eyes and staring at a blue sky, and everything hurt like a bitch. I closed my eyes and when I opened them again, the Reapers were all around me. Then I heard Liara and now you’re as caught up as I am.”
“So you have no idea why you survived?” James asked.
Shepard shrugged. “None,” she said. “Did they find my body on the Citadel?”
“The Citadel is destroyed,” Tali said. “They’re going through the pieces and they found a few Keepers clinging to it.”
“Maybe it was the Keepers. I was part of the Citadel for a while, so maybe they repaired me,” Shepard said. “But what happened here?”
Garrus waited patiently as she went through listening to the others tell their versions of the events. He wasn’t about to tell her that he stayed held up in her cabin and argued with Alenko about whether or not she and Wrex would have made a good couple. James did, however, admit to being ready to take care of her hamster, and she laughed and said she was glad it was going to a good home.
Shepard nudged him with her elbow, and he struggled to read her face. “Tired?” he asked.
She nodded, and he stood up. “I think it’s time for Shepard to take another nap,” he said. “I’m sure she’ll be ready for more questions and conversion in a few hours.”
EDI turned off the comm as he helped Shepard up, relieved when she released Liara’s hand. James approached and hugged her, lifting her off the ground. “Glad you’re alive, Commander.”
“Me too,” she said, “but I’ve got a couple broken ribs, Vega,”
He released her quickly and muttered a “Sorry.”
He saluted her and left the room. Tali squeezed her shoulder and said, “I’ll get a hug from you once you’re feeling better.”
“Has the synthesis done anything for your immune system?” she asked.
“We have been testing it and, along with the Geth’s help, it looks like we’ll be ready to go much faster than originally estimated. We’re still organic, so we worry there might be some sort of supervirus that attacks both synthetic and organic strains, so we’re treading cautiously.”
“I’ll try to stay positive,” Shepard said.
Tali nodded and left. Kaidan approached next and wrapped his arms loosely around her. She cupped his cheek with her good hand, and he kissed the side of her face. “I’m relieved,” he simply replied.
“Me too.”
He released her and left.
EDI touched Shepard’s shoulder and said, “You have given me another gift, Commander.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Shepard said with a smile.
“I cannot even describe the changes in me,” she said. She shook Shepard’s hand, and her voice cracked as she replied, “I will forever be in your debt.”
“You can buy me a drink and we’ll be even.”
“I will come back for a hug when your ribs are healed,” she replied, still holding onto Shepard’s hand. She kissed her cheek before releasing it.
She took a step back and waited, and Joker shook Shepard’s hand. “You know I’m not good at this shit.”
“You don’t have to say anything.”
He hesitated and just said, “Thanks, Commander.”
EDI and Joker left together, and Liara lingered. She glanced at Garrus before taking both of Shepard’s hands in her own. “I’m so sorry again about falling asleep with you. I’ll always find a way to embarrass myself around you, won’t I?”
“Luckily, we have plenty of time left for that,” Shepard said with a smile.
“I can’t go without a hug,” Liara said. “I’ll be gentle.”
Liara hugged Shepard again, resting her head on her shoulder. Shepard rubbed her back and kissed the side of her head. “It’s going to be all right, Liara. At least this time you didn’t need to steal my body from anyone.”
“But you never make it easy on me, do you?”
Shepard laughed, “Sorry.”
Liara released her. “We’ll talk again soon.”
“We sure will.”
As Liara left, Garrus was left alone with her. She simply gave him a smile. He asked, “Do you want to go back to the Med Bay or your cabin?”
“Cabin,” she said. “The beds never feel right in the Med Bay.”
“Should I carry you?”
“I can walk.”
“I’d like to carry you, Shepard.”
“Then go ahead.”
Garrus swept Shepard into his arms, and she wrapped her arm loosely around the back of his neck while her injured arm stayed against her stomach. He kissed her forehead and carried her out of the lounge. Several of the crew saluted her as Garrus walked by them, and she breathed a sigh of relief as they entered the elevator.
“No surprises in my cabin, right?”
“No surprises. Wait, your desk might be a little messy. Kaidan and I went through it.”
“Stealing from me, I suppose.”
“Something like that,” Garrus said. “Nothing is missing though. Not even the hamster.”
He carried her into her room and set her down on the bed. She touched his face and kissed him. “It feels good to be home,” she said. “It’s been a helluva day.”
“Do you want me to stay with you?”
“Are you kidding?” Shepard said, laughing. “Get in here.”
Garrus stretched out next to her, and she curled up against him, watching him as she stroked his face. “I’d want to mess around with you if it didn’t mean resetting my ribs afterwards,” she replied.
“When has a little pain ever turned you off, Shepard?”
“All right, come here,” Shepard said, kissing him.
When she started pulling off his shirt, he stopped her. “I was just teasing you,” he said. “I’d feel uncomfortable messing around with you right now.”
“You’re certainly a tease,” Shepard said, nuzzling him. She wrapped one of his arms around her waist and said, “But you would if I insisted, right?”
“Of course.”
She smiled and kissed him gently again. Resting her forehead against his, she simply watched him through her eyelashes. He wondered briefly it was a dream. She shut her eyes and held his hand with her good arm. “I’d hate to ruin the mood, but,” his voice trailed off.
“What’s on your mind?”
“Are we okay?” Garrus asked. “If you need more time-”
“It’s Shepard and Vakarian to the end.”
“Well, I mean, you might have been dead for a few days. You sure you don’t want a fresh start?”
Opening her eyes, Shepard tilted her head to look at him. “Are you having doubts.”
“I’m not.”
“You think I’m doubting us?”
“I’m not looking for explanation or anything, I just want to make sure you’re sure. You’ve been given a second chance again, and I was watching you sleeping with Liara. Kaidan and I were talking when we thought you were dead and he thought if you hadn’t chosen him when he confronted you about Liara that maybe, you know, you and Liara would have been together forever. And seeing you together, especially as you held her hand as you retold the story, I thought maybe he was right.”
“I didn’t think you’d be interested in the mushy stuff,” Shepard said. “Did you really want to comfort me as I talked about Anderson dying?”
“Yeah I did, Shepard.”
Shepard moved her head back against the pillow. “I didn’t realize that,” she said. “You’ve never been the romantic, Garrus.”
“I don’t think that’s romantic so much as it is supporting you when you need support,” he said. “Kaidan and I were also talking about Thane-”
“I can’t imagine you having a heart to heart with Kaidan,” she said laughing.
“It ended with me about to punch him, if it makes you feel any better.”
“It does,” she said, chuckling.
“He was saying he regretted not being a shoulder when Thane died. I didn’t try to talk to you about it either. I just gave you space. I thought if you wanted to talk about it, you would have.”
Shepard shrugged. “I didn’t lose sleep over you not asking about it.”
“Shepard, I meant what I said. I’m with you to the end, and I don’t want that to mean we hold back from each other. If you need something from me, you tell me. If I can’t do it, I’ll tell you. But using Liara as some kind of emotional surrogate isn’t fair to anyone.”
“Liara and I talked about it. Everything is fine. She just wanted to feel me, you know? Hear my heart beat to remind her I was really here. We can be affectionate without making things complicated, don’t worry.” She paused and asked, “Does it make you uncomfortable?”
“I suppose not,” Garrus said. “At least, not now that I know everything is fine between us.”
“Everything is fine on my end,” she said. “It’s just Shepard and Vakarian.”
“Hey, I want to say something though. The next time you have the option to live at the expense of killing a robot race that was at war for 300 years and your pilot’s quirky robot girlfriend, do me a favour and let the robots die.”
Shepard laughed. “You really think your happiness is worth more than their lives?”
“I do,” he said, kissing her neck again. “And Joker would get over it with you around.”
“I couldn’t do it,” Shepard said. “I’d have to have someone else possess my body for it to happen.”
Garrus sighed and said, “Well I suppose I’ll love you anyway.”
“It’s a hardship, I know.”
“I have the worst luck,” Garrus said. “Worked a bunch of shitty jobs. The only person who made me feel like I could make a difference dies, and when I try to make a difference on my own, everyone else dies too. Then I start to fall in love with that person when they come back to life, but not only are they working for the bad guys, they’re also a much too squishy and much too breakable human. Then, to top it all off, the world almost ends and she dies again. When is the universe going to cut me a break?”
“I’m back now, aren’t I?”
Garrus smiled and hugged her against him. “I suppose that makes it all worthwhile. And, you know what, even if you had died - it would have all been worth it for the time I did get with you.”
“I think your species is the one that’s too squishy,” she said. “Screaming I love you on a battlefield and now this.”
“I didn’t scream it.”
“Smooching me in front of all your comrades.”
“I’d do it all again.”
Shepard simply smiled at him. He kissed her again. She said, “If you’re happy, I think I’ll finally take that nap now.”
“I am happy,” he said. “And you deserve a rest.”
“Damn right I do.”