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“4… 3… 2...1… HAPPY NEW YEAR!!” the members shouted in unison, immediately attacking each other with warm embraces and laughing excitedly. Taehyun giggled as a few random hands started ruffling his hair.
It was the start of a new decade. All five members felt the same rush of excitement as the clock showed midnight, marking the beginning of 2020. After TXT debuted in March of 2019, their lives had been a chaotic series of adventures and new experiences. The stages, concerts, fanmeets… the five young boys were often left feeling breathless as their lives seemed to rush forward at an impossible speed. After only 10 short months, they had received over 10 rookie trophies, had monumental stages at award shows, and gained international recognition for their music, performances, and talent.
Of course, it wasn’t only their adrenaline that had fueled them throughout the year; the five kids had formed deep loving bonds with each other during their trainee days, and experiencing all these things together had only reinforced the strength of their relationships. They were truly unbreakable. Each member was essential to the well-being of the group— without all five corners, the shape of a star isn’t the shape of a star at all.
After saying their final greetings to the fans watching their broadcast, Kai pressed the button to end the stream. The members were silent for a moment, grinning quietly, absorbing each others’ happiness. Now off camera, the members laid on each other a bit more comfortably, enjoying each others’ warmth. Taehyun sighed deeply and looked around.
He looked first at his friend Kai. He was closest to him in age, but debatably the cutest and most innocent boy Taehyun had ever met. Before debuting, he had trained with Kai for years, and although the boy had certainly grown vertically (seriously, Taehyun swears he used to be taller than him), he was still the same inside. Eager, perceptive to others’ feelings, affectionate, and incredibly kind. An amazing friend. Kai was sitting on the floor next to Taehyun with a small smile on his face, his arms wrapped around one of Yeonjun’s legs, who was sitting on the couch behind him. Yeonjun, while petting Kai’s head absentmindedly, was looking across Beomgyu at Soobin, with every ounce of love he could send to their black-haired leader with just his eyes.
Taehyun cooed internally, knowing the bond between his two eldest hyungs was something beyond description. They never had to say anything out loud about it. All five members basically existed with their souls intertwined. Soobin and Yeonjun were simply locked a little tighter with each other. It was precious to see.
Beomgyu, between the two eldest, was staring at his own drumming fingers with that happy, dazed expression he gets sometimes. His head was resting on Soobin’s shoulder, and his silverish-blonde hair fanned carelessly across his forehead. Taehyun’s heart felt a familiar swell as his gaze lingered on the ends of Beomgyu’s hair, admiring where it came into contact with his long eyelashes. Admiring where his long eyelashes came into contact with his deep brown eyes. Admiring how his eyes, still staring at his own hands, seemed to outshine the starry night sky, as they crinkled subtly due to his cute cheerful expression—
Soobin, sitting on the couch behind Taehyun, finally cleared his throat gently.
“Should we go and sleep for tonight? It’s late, we should get some rest,” he nearly whispered, clearly reluctant to break free from the comfortable tangle of members’ limbs. Kai made an unhappy sound and whined something about Soobin always “killing the vibe.”
“He’s right, Huening-ah, we should rest up. Let’s at least go to our dorms,” Taehyun said. He peeled himself from Soobin and stood up, stretching his arms above his head and yawning like a kitten. “Come on, sweetie pie, you’re the sleepiest one here.”
Weak to pet names, Kai took Taehyun’s outstretched hand and got up off the floor. The rest of the members mimicked, and they all made their way to the elevator, ready to leave their company building and go home.
~~
After Soobin, Yeonjun, and Kai said goodnight and went to their respective rooms, Taehyun and Beomgyu were left sitting on opposite sides of their living room couch. They were both chronic night owls, often not sleeping until 2 or 3am if there weren’t any important schedules the next day. They each scrolled through Twitter and Weverse, reading the sweet New Year’s messages from their fans. Beomgyu was intently reading a particularly long letter on Weverse, as Taehyun focused a bit less as he had read quite a few. Instead, he let himself stare at the slightly taller boy sitting a couple feet away from him.
Taehyun knew he had a habit of staring. The members were familiar with it, and would kindly call his name to snap him out of it when they noticed him spacing out, but none of them were bothered by it.
Taehyun, for now, would just let himself stare. He knew he had been looking at Beomgyu for a long time, but the boy was just so captivating; Taehyun felt lucky to be blessed with vision to see him. Soft blonde hair, long eyelashes, bright eyes, a button nose, rosy cheeks, stunning smile… Taehyun allowed his eyes to follow the lines of his cutest hyung’s face, enjoying the warm pulling sensation in his chest. He had always thought that having a crush was a sweet feeling. Of course, it’s still pretty painful to be scared of confessing. He worried so much about losing the ease of their relationship. He didn’t want things to become awkward if he confessed and Beomgyu didn’t reciprocate his feelings. As they were now, their conversations were natural, and their touches happened casually— friendly, sweet, and familiar.
Sometimes (often), Taehyun wished it was casual to tell his close friend that he’s in love with him, to look into his honeyed eyes with pure affection and intertwine their fingers and kiss him softly.
Beomgyu noticed he was staring and giggled. The tips of his ears turned a little red, a cute reaction to being flustered that Beomgyu really had no control over.
“Everything okay, Taehyun-ah? That was quite the stare,” he chimed. Taehyun wasn’t sure what he should say.
“Oh… yeah, I’m okay. Sorry. I don’t know, you just looked kind of cute,” he muttered. Why would you say something like that? Idiot, now it’s gonna be awkward, he scolded himself, dropping eye contact with the other boy.
“Ah…,” Beomgyu said after a pause, effectively causing Taehyun to make eye contact with him again, nervous he had said something too weird. It’s not like he never called Beomgyu cute, the feeling was just obviously different. He was just sitting there and you went and called him cute, you absolute freak. You weirdo. Taehyun opened his mouth to say something else, the silence too unsettling for him.
“I hate this. I feel weird, like- I don’t know, I keep getting this frustrating feeling. I don’t know what to do,” Beomgyu confessed suddenly, pouting slightly. He tended to be blunt about his feelings like this. Taehyun had always appreciated that about him, since he was never gifted at reading emotions.
“What’s wrong, hyung? Did you read something online?” Taehyun asked, genuinely concerned. Beomgyu’s usually cheery tone of voice had changed so quickly.
“No.. ugh, it’s because of New Year’s! I wanted to do a New Year’s kiss but we were on Vlive so I couldn’t and now I’m pissed!” Beomgyu whined.
Huh? Taehyun thought. “Huh?” Taehyun said, in the same tone he thought it in. “What kind of issue is that?” he said, now laughing lightly. Beomgyu’s ears turned redder and his expression changed from a pout to one of more offense.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean? Now I’m doomed to be loveless for another year! I just wanted a kiss to get the year started! For good luck!” he whined even harder than before.
“Awww, Beomgyu-hyung is angry he didn’t get to kiss anybody at midnight… what ever will you do?” Taehyun began teasing, falling into his usual rhythm of being an evil little menace. “Maybe one of Huening’s plushies will be willing to kiss you!”
“Taehyun-aaaah, it’s not a joke! What if I get doomed to be without romance for the whole decade? It’s not just any year, it’s 2020! This could be serious!”
Still laughing, Taehyun got up off the couch. “I’m thirsty, do you want something to drink? I think we still have grape juice in the refrigerator.”
Beomgyu groaned instead of answering. Taehyun began filling his cup with water. Maybe he should just kiss Beomgyu on the cheek to calm his mind. The poor boy actually seemed genuinely distressed. It’s not like it would hurt anybody…
Taehyun’s thoughts were interrupted when Beomgyu grabbed him from behind, trapping him in a tight hug and causing some water to spill on the floor.
“Ah! Beomgyu-hyung, the water…” Taehyun was now beginning to panic. He could feel his face flush.
“I know it’s silly to be this upset about it. That’s why I’m frustrated… I can’t help but feel bothered by a stupid New Year’s kiss,” the boy mumbled. He sighed, resting his chin on Taehyun’s shoulder. His hair fell forward, lightly tickling the younger boy’s cheek.
They were so close. He smelled like new clothing mixed with nutmeg. Taehyun could feel him breathing, as well as his own heartbeat in his ears. He almost wanted to move away, but he stayed because Beomgyu was warm.
“Do you… Would you feel better if I kissed you? I don’t know if it would bring good luck or anything but...” Taehyun said, the end of the sentence turning into nothing more than a shaky whisper. He was sure Beomgyu would laugh at him and then they would move on. Still, that didn’t make him less scared to ask.
Beomgyu didn’t say anything at first. The first thing he did was hold Taehyun a little bit tighter and sigh heavily. Taehyun could feel that his breath was shaking. Is he nervous?
He was still holding his cup of water. He noticed he was gripping it harder than he needed to. He didn’t know if he should break the silence or not.
“I…” Taehyun started. He was tearing up for no reason. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable… I guess it was kind of weird to suggest—”
“It’s okay...” Beomgyu interrupted.
This felt like a rejection. Taehyun’s chest hurt for a split second.
“I mean… would you? Is that alright?” he continued.
Then his chest fluttered. God, what is this boy doing to me? “I’ll do it if it makes you feel better, hyung. You seemed really disappointed. Of course it’s okay.” Taehyun tried to sound comforting, but he knew he probably sounded as desperate as he felt. Still, the sweet boy wrapped around him seemed to let out a breath he had been holding.
“Taehyun-ah…you’re so nice to me. Really,” Beomgyu spoke.
“Because I care about you, silly,” Taehyun replied, setting his cup on the counter and taking Beomgyu’s hand to get him to loosen his hold on his waist. He didn’t let go once he had turned around.
Now facing his hyung, he couldn’t help but smile a bit at the poor boy. His face was flushed pink and he couldn’t seem to look up from their hands. He looked so nervous.
“Beomgyu-hyung… it’s okay, we don’t have to…” Taehyun trailed off once Beomgyu started adjusting their hands so their fingers interlocked. Looking down at their hands as well, he felt the warm pulling sensation come back tenfold, making his own face heat up once again. He looked back up to see Beomgyu already staring at him. He was trapped underneath the blonde boy’s eyes, sparkly and wide-open, framed perfectly by those long fluttering eyelashes. He couldn’t look away even if he wanted to. Fuck it, Taehyun decided.
The younger boy brought the hand he was holding closer to his face. Shutting his eyes for a moment, he laid the smallest, faintest little kisses onto Beomgyu’s thumb and index finger. Beomgyu’s breath hitched. He was barely breathing, afraid to burst the perfect bubble they had ended up in.
With that, his free hand came up to rest on Beomgyu’s shoulder. The faint grin on Beomgyu’s face faded into a much softer expression, and he closed his eyes as Taehyun finally, finally , closed the gap between them.
It was perfect, but didn’t last long. As the brown-haired boy pulled away, Beomgyu quickly found his arms wrapped around Taehyun’s waist again. The older boy hid his face in the space between Taehyun’s neck and shoulder. Taehyun exhaled and hugged him back just as tightly.
“Taehyun-ah.” Beomgyu said, barely above a whisper.
“Hm?”
“I like you. I like you a lot. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I was so afraid to say it out loud because I didn’t want to scare you but it’s true.”
After a few beats of silence, Taehyun finally let his tears fall. He wasn’t sad, just relieved. His breath caught in his throat repeatedly as he bowed his head and cried silently, holding onto Beomgyu’s black sweater like his life depended on it. The boy didn’t say anything, only stroked his back and hummed quietly until Taehyun calmed down soon after.
After a deep breath and another minute of silence: “I like you too, hyung.” Immediately, Beomgyu smiled like the wonderful child he is and non-discreetly planted a kiss on Taehyun’s cheek. Taehyun wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and let out an honest laugh, joy bubbling in his chest and fingertips.
Another kiss from Beomgyu, the other cheek this time. They were both giggling messes.
“Happy New Years, Beomgyu-hyung. I’m gonna go to bed. I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said, still smiling widely.
“Goodnight, Taehyun-ah.” Beomgyu beamed.
He squeezed his best friend’s hand one more time before finally turning away and heading to his room.
Taehyun slept peacefully, dreaming of blonde hair and stars.
~~
fin.