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Sometimes it overwhelmed him. The feeling of emptiness. The feeling of wishing he was here and not so far out of reach. The two had been so close, that was before everything came plummeting down. That was before that fateful night. That was before Sasuke had become attuned to the ever-growing numbness that crept up on him at night. It was before the feeling that no one was there had settled.
Sasuke knew that these thoughts were only mindless ideas that his brain used to haunt him, that there was no tangible evidence behind them. But, that didn’t stop the loneliness from seeping in. It didn’t stop it from overflowing in every fissure, crack, and crevice, from crowding his lungs until he couldn’t breathe anymore. The feeling was all too much. The boy needed something to cling onto, he needed someone who would save him.
The sad truth was that he believed no one needed him. This was the terror that kept him up at night, staring at the ceiling until he grabbed a pair of headphones to blare music in a sad attempt to drown out the torments his mind created. It didn't work. His mind overpowered any sound, turning it into white noise. Creating a pounding in his head and a hole in his heart. He didn’t know how much longer he could go on with this emptiness.
The numbness he felt only led to pain. His insides churned, his heart was shattered. He only felt left behind, unable to fix the ruin and damnation that he believed to his fault.
He was supposed to protect him. He was supposed to be there to guide him and support him with simple validation. What happened to them? Why did I let us end up like this? He'd wonder. Sasuke would give anything to fix them, to grow closer again. But, everything was in pieces, he couldn't fix it. He was alone now, and nobody seemed to notice or care.
He couldn't look at the other and hope that their relationship would mend, it was already too broken. Too much time had passed since then. The boy couldn't look into the other's eyes and know that he was there for him anymore.
"It's not fixable and you're at fault," the demons that he called thoughts would whisper, dancing around in his entire being, repeating the same vicious rhythm for what seemed hours. There was nothing he could do to fix it, so he just laid there, and believed them.
The entire room was frozen still. Then, Sasuke felt the soft vibrate. It was barely there, but it was enough to cause all of his thoughts to cease.
Lethargically, he stretched his arm down. Upon grabbing his phone a bring light illuminated the otherwise pitch-black room, Sasuke grimaced. He turned in his bed to rest more comfortably and unlocked his phone to check his messages.
Itachi: how are you holding up?
Sasuke hadn’t known how much needed to see the particular message until he recognized that an animal-like sound left his throat. He shattered. His lungs emptied with a sob. Maybe everything would be ok. Maybe they could heal. Maybe they could be brothers again.