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There was no sound except the crinkle of the water bottles in Steven’s backpack and the soft shift of sand under his flip-flops. He wore ragged shorts, the first time in months, and one of his dad’s old tank tops. He felt self-conscious showing off the signature Universe tan lines, but at least there was nobody around to gawk.
He brought the hem of his shirt up and wiped the sweat from his face. Black hadn’t been the smartest choice for the desert. Still, the heat of the baking sun withered in comparison to the boiling emotions inside him.
Something was deeply wrong with him and he didn’t know what to do about it.
That’s why he came here.
He’d always liked deserts despite their relative lack of life. As a kid, he loved them for their potential. Shifting sands held buried treasure and endless opportunities, limitless material blasted by the sun, just waiting for someone to come along and shape it. He dreamed of building the biggest sandcastle Earth had ever seen.
He got bored quickly back then. The sand slipped through his hands and refused his guidance. It would always return and reclaim, true to itself. Instead of getting frustrated, little Steven just gave the desert a friendly pat and ran off to play with bugs.
Now, though, he took comfort in the dead, formless expanse.
This was the best place for him to brood on his own, away from anything or anyone he could hurt. He had considered the moon, but one wrong move could pop his bubble and suffocate him. Besides, he felt wrong defiling an icon of serenity with his temper tantrums. The moon felt sacred, peaceful. He needed somewhere to be alone, to vent, without feeling guilty.
He couldn’t trust the plants not to talk, and still, they were alive. He felt bad taking his frustrations out on them. He liked to think he was better than that... at least he hoped he was.
He trudged on, the sand burning his feet.
There was a slight breeze, washing burning air across his face. The noon sun criticized the timing of his little journey.
Steven dropped his backpack on the blistering sand and pulled out his fourth water bottle of the trip, then sat down on the bag. He got about halfway through the bottle before he heard shouting in the distance.
“Are you kidding me.”
Steven groaned, stood and peered into the distance, shielding his eyes with his hand. He could barely make out a broad figure in the heat shimmer.
The faint voice reached him again, indistinct. He sighed, shoved his bottle back in his bag and started making his way to the person. They might be lost or dehydrated. They might need help, and what was he if not helpful?
He didn’t have an answer for that.
The figure got bigger as he approached, far larger than a normal human. Sunlight glinted off their wild white hair, bright enough to hurt his eyes. The voice got more distinct, familiar, though he still couldn’t make out the words.
Soon he was in earshot. He wasn’t even surprised anymore.
“Hi Jasper.”
She flinched and whirled around, hunched in a defensive stance. “Steven?!”
“What are you doing out here,” he asked with an utter lack of enthusiasm, hands shoved in his pockets.
Jasper flicked her hair behind her shoulder, arms up for a fight. “I’m sick of earthlings infringing on my territory. I’m taking a break from EVERYTHING. What are YOU doing out here, huh?”
Steven shrugged, deadpan. “The same.”
Jasper frowned, momentarily lowering her arms. “That’s… not like you.”
Steven grunted. “Yeah. Well, if you need anything lemme know. I’ll be… over there, somewhere. Have fun.”
“Wait!”
Steven waved over his shoulder. She could take care of herself. “Bye Jasper.”
A shadow passed over him. He felt his soul leave his body with the force of his eyeroll. Jasper thudded in the earth in front of him, spraying him with sand.
“Look, I’m really not in the mood.”
“Oh-ho, so you beg me for lessons-“
“I never begged.”
“- and now you’re just going to walk away? When I have all this energy to burn off?!”
Steven drug his hand down his face and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Jasper, I appreciate that but I really can’t right now.”
“What could possibly get you in such a hissy fit that you’re not gonna fight me?”
“Oh I don’t know,” he said, gesturing and tense. “Maybe that my mom hurt everyone I ever cared about? Maybe that I get more and more like her the older I get?!”
“You mean Rose Quartz?”
Steven threw his hands up and pulled his hair. “Rose, Pink Diamond, whatever you want to call her, I don’t care.”
Jasper scowled. Steven wasn’t sure why exactly he was talking to her, but he didn’t feel like stopping.
“I keep… I keep throwing these temper tantrums like she would! I can’t keep it together! I wanted to come out to the desert to be alone and maybe get a grip but I can’t even do that!”
Jasper’s expression softened while he ranted and paced, kicking sand and gesturing wildly. After minutes of raging, she interrupted him.
“Enough monologuing. Let’s fight it out.”
Steven froze, looking up at her sidelong from his hunched rant. “What?”
“C’mon,” she said and threw a halfhearted punch. Steven sidestepped it. “You’ve got a lot of crap bottled up. A good fight should get all that out.”
“Were you even listening? I just said I don’t want to hurt anyone!”
Jasper punched him again, this time forcing him to block. She leaned in close, putting all her weight on his shield. “Yeah? Well you’re not gonna hurt me.”
He looked scared, but not the kind of scared that made her feel powerful, not the fear of a competitor losing a fair fight. It was the fear of indecision, of feeling like he wasn’t allowed to do something.
“C’mon,” she snarled. “I’m giving you an opportunity here. Let loose for once in your life.”
“…Are you sure?”
She groaned dramatically, raised both arms over her head and brought them down hard on his shield.
His demeanor changed back into that cool, confident, collected warrior she grudgingly admired. Steven hopped out of the way of her strike, took his shield in one hand, then flung it in her face. It caught her in the jaw. She growled and turned to face him once more, just in time to meet his bubbled fist.
She flew backwards, landed hard and was on her feet in an instant. She wiped the spit from her jaw and dropped into a crouch.
“So?! You were saying about your mother?!”
Steven lowered his shield, one eyebrow raised. “What?”
Jasper summoned her helmet and charged him. “KEEP TALKING ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS.”
He hid behind his shield, skidding backwards as she plowed into him.
“Well, uh,” he blocked a flurry of punches. “I’ve spent my entire life looking up to her just to find out she was actually horrible.”
Jasper grabbed the lip of his shield and yanked it away, her free hand cocked back. “Amen to that.”
Steven ducked out of the way and kicked at her shins, then darted to her side. She followed him with a backhand that sent him reeling.
“My Diamond lied to us. She had us kill each other fornothing.”
“It wasn’t for nothing,” Steven snarled. “It was for Earth.”
Jasper snorted and grabbed his arm. “Your ‘mother,’ my Diamond, was a coward. She sent someone weaker to fight in her stead!”
Steven didn’t argue. “I think that’s why she had me. I was her ‘get out of intergalactic war free’ card.”
His face hardened. His entire disposition changed as pink tinged his cheeks. He lifted himself off the ground by her arm and kicked both feet into her chest. Before Jasper could stand, Steven slammed his shield hard across her back. “I WAS FOURTEEN!”
He brought it back and hit again and again. “They kidnapped my dad! They almost killed my friends! They did kill Lars! They were going to execute me!”
Jasper blocked his last shield blow and got to her feet.
“Oh, and that’s not even the worst! Did you know my mother left Spinel in a garden, alone, for six thousand years? Did you know she wiped all my friend’s memories, nearly killed all my friends and sent me back to being like a little kid? A useless little kid?! Do you know what White Diamond did to the others, to my friends? Do you know what she did to me?” He absently clutched at his stomach as he took a step forward.
“And I,” he punched. “Had to,” he kicked. “FIX IT!”
Jasper skidded back in the sand, leaving a deep furrow.
“Because that’s what I do,” he said as he advanced. “I was Steven Universe, the boy that was always smiling and loving and made everyone get along. I liked being that person!”
Jasper caught him in the face mid-speech, misjudging his reaction time. Steven squawked and fell hard on his back, cradling his broken nose as blood trickled through his fingers. He groaned and rolled onto his shoulder, knees drawn protectively to his chest. Jasper paused with both arms over her head for a hammer strike.
“Uh, you ok?”
“Yeah, yeah, I think you broke my nose,” he muttered and staggered to his feet. He tipped his head back, then coughed as blood drained into his throat. He quickly spit on his hand and smeared it around to fix the mess.
“You good now?”
Steven waved her off, wrinkling his nose to make sure it still worked right. “S’fine. I’m not sure if this is such a good idea anymore.”
Jasper hunched down to get on eye level with him. “Oh no, we’re just starting here.”
She jabbed him in the chest with one massive finger. “Get ready.”
Steven sighed and blocked her comparatively gentle punches.
“Yeah, so, I was happy with that. Maybe I didn’t… handle it, as well as I thought I did, but whatever. That’s fine. But now I’m, what, fighting you in a desert? How is this supposed to help anything?”
Steven threw three halfhearted punches, each easily deflected. “Violence for violence’s sake is stupid.”
Jasper yanked him upright by the front of his shirt, shocking him out of his pity party. “Fighting is about MORE than violence!”
She turned and flung him across a dune. He softened his fall, but not enough to keep from getting the wind knocked from his lungs. Jasper jumped after him.
“Fighting is about DISCIPLINE!” Her fist came down inches from his head.
“Fighting is about LOYALTY!” He narrowly rolled away from her backhand.
“Fighting is WHO I AM!” she roared.
Steven shook off the sand and charged her. His shield rebounded off her helmet, knocking him off balance. She grabbed him by the collar and hauled him up. “Now, little man, who are YOU?”
“I don’t know!”
Jasper sneered. “That’s not an answer.”
Steven bubbled himself, knocking her back. He took a moment to wipe away the sweat dripping into his eyes.
“So I ask again, who are you? Are you Pink Diamond?”
“No!”
“Are you Rose Quartz?”
“NO!”
“Then who?”
“I don’t know anymore!” Steven kicked himself free, pink flushing brighter in his cheeks. He took a few shaky steps backwards.
“Being helpful is the only thing I know how to do, but,” his voice broke. “Nobody needs me anymore.”
Jasper paused her assault, not sure what to say to that.
“Everyone’s moving on. Everyone’s growing up. Everyone, everything’s changing and that’s what I was supposed to do! That, that’s why mom said she wanted me. I was supposed to grow, and change, but I don’t know how.”
“So, if nobody needs me,” he whispered, biting his lip. “…and if I can’t figure out how to grow…” The pink glow spread from his cheeks down the rest of his body.
“There,” his fists balled at his sides. “Is no reason,” he stomped his foot.
“FOR ME TO EXIST!”
He screamed. The sound echoed out far across the horizon. The sand shifted as the sandstone cracked deep, deep beneath the dunes. The energy launched Jasper like a ragdoll, bouncing over the landscape until she eventually rolled to a stop.
Steven immediately clapped his hands to his mouth, eyes wide, pupils shrunken. Jasper pushed herself to her elbows from where she had been flung. She groaned and forced herself upright, ears ringing. She barely heard Steven’s stammered apologies.
Steven watched, trembling, trying to see Jasper’s gem under her messy hair. She stood for a moment, rolling her shoulders, before she looked up with… the biggest grin he’d ever seen and an undamaged gem.
She closed the distance in three bounding strides, eyes shining. “THAT WAS AWESOME! Do it again!”
She manhandled him by the shoulders, stopping short when she knocked a tear loose. Genuine concern flickered across her face.
“Wait, what? Are you crying? The hell is wrong with you? You just pulled off the strongest move I’ve ever seen!”
Steven blubbered nonsense about not wanting to hurt her, about how sorry he was. He scrubbed his face with his sleeve, not caring about the sand that scratched his face.
“Do I look hurt to you?” Jasper gently, for a quartz, cuffed him across the side of the head. He blinked hard, offended out of his tears.
“Look kid, you have GOT to stop holding back.”
“But I don’t want to hurt you! You’ve been hurt enough! Look at you!” Steven gestured at the corruption scars scattered across her skin.
Jasper scoffed. “These? These are nothing! I am thousands of years old, one of the greatest gem warriors to ever exist! I’m not made of glass, and I’m getting pretty damn insulted that you keep holding back.”
“But-“
“But if you poof me? What then, are you gonna shatter me while I’m out?”
Steven looked stricken. “N-no, of course no-“
“Then there’s nothing for you to be so upset about!”
“But she left you too!”
Jasper sighed and, at length, put a hand on his shoulder. “You’re right, she did. And? What does that have to do with you?”
“…Something?”
Jasper pinched her gem. “Kid, no. No.” She sighed and, in a strained voice, said, “I’m sorry I kept calling you Rose Quartz.”
“It’s ok. I’m, heh, I’m used to it.”
They stood in uncomfortable silence for a few moments. Eventually, Jasper broke the silence.
“Look, kid. I know what you’re going through. I’m a soldier with no war to fight, you’re a weakling with nobody to hug.”
“Thanks?”
“And you might not have an enemy right now, but you better stop making one out of yourself.”
Steven went quiet. Jasper continued.
“You are an immensely powerful gem and you need to get out of your own way.”
Steven wrung the hem of his shirt and refused to look her in the eyes. “What if I hurt someone? What if I… what if I end up like my mom?”
“Steven, I don’t care about her. WE are sparring, not you and your human friends, not you and the crystal gems, it’s just you, and me. I can take it.”
Very slowly, Steven nodded.
“This is…” she made a pained face. “…Fun.”
Steven glanced up at her, then looked away. He nodded once more.
Jasper shook herself off and shoved him into the sand. “Great. We’re still not done yet, though. We’re not done until you give up or I poof. Get ready.”
He nodded and hopped into a battle stance, looking somewhat hopeful for the first time in months.
They fought, covered in sand and sweat. The sun blistered Steven’s skin but he didn’t care, letting his mind go blank as he and Jasper fell into a rhythm of blocks, parries and strikes. Their brutal, formless spar took the shape of a deadly dance, each mirroring and learning the other’s moves. Their breathing synced and soon, without realizing, they blinked with four eyes.
They paused to look over their arms and hands, flexing their fingers. Bands of tan and rust brown crisscrossed their skin.
“Who am I?” the fusion asked.
They waited a moment as the sand whipped around their feet. Their hair lay in fluffy beige leaflets, rustling in the breeze.
“Selenite.” The desert rose.
They scowled, eyebrows drawn together, teeth grinding.
“Whatever.” They groaned, stretching their muscles and pawing at the ground. They arched their serpentine body. “Let’s go mess some stuff up. We’ll forget her. We’ll be ok.”
They dropped onto six legs and took off, miniature dust storms spawning in their wake. They screamed together, a furious howl of pain, abandonment and confusion.
They ran themselves ragged. The sun died, overtaken by the moon that haunted their directionless charge. The desolation gave way before them, a blank canvas for their fury. They howled and clawed at the endless sand until they collapsed, splitting into their exhausted components. Steven lay facedown in the long-cooled sand, the grains sticking to his sweat-slicked skin.
“That… that was nice,” Steven said after some time.
“Mmm,” Jasper agreed, spread eagle on her back. She tracked the stars’ imperceptible movements as they lay together, panting. “You gotta get that stuff out. It’ll eat you up otherwise.”
“Dunno if that was the… healthiest thing in the world,” Steven mumbled.
“Eh, sometimes you gotta do stupid stuff or else you’ll go crazy. Don’t overthink it.”
“Since when are you full of emotional wisdom?”
Jasper wordlessly flung a handful of sand at him. He laughed. She growled. “I’ve had a lot of time to think.”
“…Want to go home?”
“Yeah.”
They walked to the warp pad together. Before parting ways, Steven shoved his hands in his pockets and kicked some sand away from the pad.
“Thanks.”
Jasper shrugged and massaged the back of her head. “Don’t mention it. You’re… welcome to my cave whenever you want to punch it out.”
Steven couldn’t help but smile.
“This doesn’t mean we’re friends,” she spat.
“Alright Jasper,” he said and snapped some finger guns at her. She rolled her eyes and shoved him onto the warp pad.
“Go home, twerp. I’ll see you later.”
He disappeared in the light, beaming. Once he was gone, Jasper cracked a smile of her own.