Chapter Text
It's September again. The storm is heavy, and you're fighting tooth and nail against an invasion you're doomed to succumb to. Legionaries litter the once peaceful streets, wreaking havoc on the people of your beloved city. You watch from above a Cabal warship in terror as bodies pile up below. The comms are chaos, and you can barely make out Zavala's orders over the blood rushing in your head. The Red War is beginning again. Horror makes you freeze in place when you hear the doors behind you hiss open. It's all so vivid and familiar. You're too caught up in the thought of this can't be happening to turn towards the leader of the invasion before he knocks you towards the edge of the ship with a heavy arm. Dominus Ghaul is as tall and menacing as you remember.
His steps shake the ground. Your head is foggy, and your muscles feel heavy, but you pull your ghost close to you and try to crawl away desperately. The city is devoured in fire and ash below. Smoke rises from the desecrated streets and makes your eyes water as it seeps into your broken visor. His words reach your heart before they reach your ears, and with one push of his boot, you're teetering over the edge of the ship with your Ghost gripped tightly in your fist.
You feel the fall deep in the pit of your stomach, plummetting into the last city, now lost. The wind whistles and morphs into a cacophony of cries from the citizens below. The sounds, the sensations, the guilt rising in your throat all become too much, and you clench your eyes shut when you finally meet the ground.
You shoot up in bed with a cry right as you hear the crack of bones against concrete. The sheets tangle you up as you try to pull yourself out of them and you fall to your knees beside the bed with a labored breath. Your chest is so tight it's hard to do anything but wheeze around the guilt and shame still suffocating you.
Ghost is quick to transmat to your side, but you lift a hand towards them before they can get out a word.
"It's fine," You huff out, "I'm fine." You avoid looking up at them, but your breathing starts to settle, and they wait in silence until you've collected yourself enough to speak.
"What time is it?" You mumble.
"Three in the morning." Your ghost speaks quietly.
Sighing, you lift yourself up on weak legs and drag your feet towards the bathroom. The bright light makes you wince, and you frown at your tired reflection. Dark bags have settled under your eyes, and your skin is covered in a heavy sheen of sweat. You rinse your face off and reach blindly for a towel before your ghost brings one to you. Humming your thanks, you toss the towel on the counter and cup your hands under the running water to take a gulp and sooth your ragged throat.
For a moment, you stand hunched over the sink staring blankly into the mirror. Your room feels too quiet. It's too cold and too lonely to get back into bed only for another nightmare to wake you up hours later. Dread starts to stir in your stomach again, but you shake away the dizziness and step back into the bedroom to find a jacket and slip on some boots. Your feet move faster than your mind does and you blink dazedly when you find yourself at the entrance of the hangar.
It's mostly empty by this time of night, even with the usual hustle and bustle of the Tower, and even with the newest legendary resident settled in the back of the hangar. Saint-14 meets your eyes the moment you reach the bottom of the stairs.
It's hard not to feel even smaller than you already do under his gaze. The titan had been nothing but kind and supportive to you and the other young guardians. In fact, now that your thoughts had finally caught up with you, you realize you'd probably decided to take him up on the offer of support he'd given you soon after he'd returned to the city.
He nods his head at you to beckon you over, and you shuffle the rest of the way towards him with your eyes cast downwards.
"Guardian! What brings you to the hangar?" He's his usual joyous self, but he speaks quieter than usual.
"Couldn't sleep."
He hums gravely at your response, and you're almost afraid you've given him the wrong answer somehow. Shame and embarrassment make it difficult for you to give him the full truth, but he seems to wait for you to gather your thoughts.
"...I had a bad dream." Saying it out loud makes you feel childish.
"Would you like to talk about it?"
You nod.
He gestures to the gangway of his ship with a sweeping motion. "Sit. Take your time."
The memories still feel too potent to unravel. Your explanation is vague and littered with long pauses and far off glances. You seem stuck in a completely different time. Saint-14 can relate.
"I don't know why I stopped by," you say, leaving out the parts about you falling out of bed with a tight bundle of anxiety in your chest, "Thank you for listening, I know it's late."
"Of course." Saint places a gentle hand on your shoulder as if to ground you. You lean into the touch slightly before pulling yourself back. "I'm glad to help in any way I can."
"I should go back to my room," you say.
The walk back to your cold apartment already seems dreadful. Laying in an empty bed while you're still heavily plagued with memories feels like too much to bear.
"Will you stay the night?" Saint asks as you stare blankly ahead of yourself.
He offers as a way to save you the task of asking yourself. The difficulty you have in asking for help reminds him of his brother. When you turn to look at him with scared eyes it makes his heart ache.
Your hands twitch with the urge to reach out towards him. "I'd like that."
Saint lifts himself up with a groan and holds out his hand for you to take. "Come, my bed is yours."
Taking his hand, you let him guide you up the steps and down the narrow corridor of the Gray Pigeon into a room in the back of the ship. It's small, but his bed takes up the majority of space. To the side of the bed he has a small table with the Perfect Paradox leaning against it. He lets down your hand to pull back the royal purple comforter of his bed.
He pats the mattress and beckons you into the room from where you're standing awkwardly in the doorway. "Come, I'll help you with your boots."
You shuffle into the room fully and stare down owlishly at Saint when he leans down to untie your boots. He lifts your foot gently to slip it off and you place a hand on his pauldron to keep yourself steady. When he unlaces and pulls away the other boot, he looks up at you silently from where he's kneeling in front of you. Your hand strokes over his shoulder, barely scraping his neck. You pull away slowly and he reaches for your palm again to guide you into the bed, pulling the comforter back over you and sighing as you get settled.
You feel awkward again for a short moment as you look up at Saint. The titan reaches down and hums softly, petting your forehead and running it over your hair. The action is so tender you feel like you could melt under his touch.
He turns to leave the ship as you wiggle around in an attempt to shake off your nerves, but you shoot back up the moment his back is towards you.
"Where are you going?" Your voice holds more urgency than you'd like.
He seems surprised when he turns back around. "I was not sure if you preferred to be alone."
"Stay. Please."
Saint-14 nods at you and takes soft steps back towards the bed. You roll over, embarrassed by your own reaction. The buckles of his armor click off quietly behind you, and his helmet hisses as he unlocks it from his neck piece. He sits on the edge of the bed as he unties his boots and tucks them next to yours. With a deep sigh, he pulls off his pauldrons and places them on the table.
It's quiet for a long moment. You're practically holding your breath. Sleeping still feels like a daunting task, even with the legendary titan here to keep you company. Everything feels distant in your exhaustion, and your mind wanders across every worst case scenario it can think of. Saint-14's rumbling voice is able to break your concentration, however. He speaks softly.
"The lives we lead are...difficult. There is no shame in seeking help, guardian."
You hold your breath, waiting for him to continue.
"You've helped me in ways I do not feel I can ever fully repay you, and I am thankful to have met you. Your efforts are worth more than you believe they are."
Your eyes start to sting and you tense up slightly, still not ready to face him.
"You are stronger than you know. I am proud of you."
It's what finally breaks the high walls you'd built around yourself since the Red War. You roll over to face with a shuddered breath and he shifts from where he's seated on the edge of the bed to take you in his arms.
He's so delicate when he reaches for you that the unfamiliarity almost makes you wince. Its so much gentler than you had become used to. He handles you with a kindness that makes you ache. Every muscle in your body finally relaxes after what's felt like years, and you can feel your jaw unclench when he runs the back of his hand along your chin.
Everything they say about him is true. His light feels so bright and heroic, and for once you feel as if you could truly be at ease. The Red War left you a hero, but it also left you lost and afraid, permanently scarred in a way your Ghost couldn't fix. Weakness didn't feel like an option, especially not with everything still left to be done after the invasion, but in Saint's arms it becomes so much easier to let everything out. He understands your guilt intimately, reminded of his colony on Mercury.
Saint-14 presses his cool forehead against yours and the headache you've gained from all your sweating and crying aches a little less. You lean into him further without a second thought and allow yourself to cry openly with his arms wrapped around you, stroking your back gently as he speaks softly against your skin.
"You are safe here." He punctuates his words by patting your back. "The city still stands, guardian. You've given us all a chance to heal. You must heal as well."
"I should've done more. I should've been quicker or I should've fought harder, I don't know-" You cut yourself off with a shuddering sob and Saint-14 tucks your head against his chest.
"You did all that you could. The people here are much more resilient than you give them credit for. We will be ready for the next threat. I will be here. For the city," He bumps his mouth against the crown of your head in what you assume to be a kiss; it makes you smile weakly. "And for you. We will be alright."
Answering with words is too difficult. Instead you push your cheek against his chest and let yourself shake with cries. Your head is still plagued with doubt, but in your heart, hope begins to bloom. Saint is patient as you sob, rubbing your back and humming softly.
When you finally find your voice, you whisper a 'thank you' to him and he shifts to pull the covers of his bed over himself to lay next to you.
"I'm here whenever you need. Rest. I will stay."
Sleep overtakes you easily as you focus on the quiet whirring in the titan's chest, and for once, there are no nightmares. You enjoy a dreamless sleep in the arms of the legendary Saint-14 for the rest of the night.