Chapter Text
Eijirou knew this was a bad idea.
It was totally unmanly, sneaking around and avoiding the real issue. Bakugou would explodo-kill them all if he found out. But what Bakugou did was way, way, way less manly.
...
Bros night was a night for the bros. Eijirou spent many a sleepless night ensuring it was perfect. Crispy snacks? Check. An assortment of video games and movies? Check. Sleeping bags? Check. Friends? Che-
“Where the hell is Bakubro?”
Kaminari cackles from his spot in Shinsou’s lap. “Probably busy with his girrrrlfriend!”
Shinsou sighs with a level glare,“Nobody is dating Bakugou, Denki. But, Kirishima-kun, there is no way Bakugou is coming. I would have to brainwash him, and even then he’d probably break an arm to get out of it.”
“Yeah, Kiri, it’s not like Bakugou said he would be here. He just kinda grunted when you started singing about bros night.” Sero supplied, unhelpfully.
“But... but bros night! Bakubro has to be here!”
Sero shook his head. “He hasn’t been hanging with us in weeks Kiri.”
“Which is evidence towards him having a gir-”
Shinsou interrupts, “He doesn’t have a girlfriend.”
“How do you know, Toshi? How the hell would you know?” Kaminari shouts.
The more Eijirou thought about it, the madder he got.
“Why is he avoiding us? It doesn’t make any sense.”
“Yeah, it’s not like that hot-head has any other friends.” Shinsou adds with a sharp grin.
“Bro, that’s why it’s gotta be a girlfriend! And if you guys would just listen to me-”
Shinsou laughs, soon joined by some giggles from outside the door.
Eijirou sighs before opening the door to a crouched Uraraka trying to smother her laughter and a roaring Mina who’s rolling on the ground.
“Does nobody respect bros night? You two RSVPd no! You said you wouldn’t come if it was called bros night! Which is a super manly name!”
“Why is it always about men with you Kiri-kun?” Mina says, cheeks puffed with indignation, Uraraka shouts, “Mina-chan and I think it should be called Annoy-Baku-night! Or at least something less gender coded!”
“Manliness isn’t limited to guys! Girls can be bros too! You guys are hella manly!” Eijirou shouts, nearing the end of his patience. If only Bakugou was here, things would be going smoothly. His perfect bros night was crumbling all around him.
...
Kaminari Denki was sure of few things in life. He knew he was going to be a cool hero, it had been his dream for years. He knew Shinsou Hitoshi was the love of his life, he made Denki a better person and a better hero in a way nobody else could. And he knew, with absolute certainty, that Bakugou was in a relationship. How? It was obvious.
First, Bakugou hung out with them less and less. For a while, Denki thought Bakugou had joined a gang or something. But then, he overheard some of the second years talking about Bakugou. Their conversation went a little like this:
Girl 1: “That hero course student, Bakougou-san, is soooo hot!”
Girl 2: “But he’s a huge jerk!”
Girl 3: “Like that matters! Bakugou-san could yell at me and I would thank him.”
Girl 1: “Right? He could probably bench press me. God that would be hot. He’s got, like, a perfect bod. I think the ambitious jerk bit makes him even cuter!”
Girl 3: “Absolutely!”
Girl 2: “You’re both insane!”
So maybe new friends were out of the question, but a girl being crazy about him? Not as unlikely as you’d think.
Second, Denki was watching Bakugou closely, like a hawk scoping his prey. Bakugou was being… nicer, maybe. The rest hadn’t noticed because Bakugou was still screaming, still raring for a fight, but he had raised his hand during class. Denki almost didn’t notice, too, because he cracked a joke about Bakugou being a “model student” and then Bakugou lunged at Denki screaming “DUNCE FAAAAAACE”. But yeah, something had to be calming Bakugou down.
Third, and what made Denki absolutely certain, was a text message he happened to see while he casually glanced over Bakugou’s shoulder. It was basic and Bakugou was still being a jerk, but the contact had been: Deku <3. Denki and Toshi put a ring of salt around the dorms and threw holy water on Bakugou the next day, and sure enough, it was 100% Bakugou. Not a demon possession in sight.
Denki needed to know. Like, he already knew Bakugou was seeing someone, but he had to know who. Because the only thing that made Denki doubt himself is the question Toshi keeps asking him: who would date Bakugou Katsuki?
...
“He has a girlfriend! I’m telling you Kiri! That’s why he isn’t here, he’s with his girlfriend!”
Uraraka and Mina howl with laughter. Shinsou sighs and repeats, “but it’s not possible, Denki!”
Sero nods his head in agreement, “For real, bro. Bakugou is probably incapable of love.”
“Yeah, yeah, and it would be terrifying to meet someone Bakuogou did love!” Uraraka says around laughter.
“What a sight to behold! She’d have to be crazy buff and, like, pretty? But also smart and wild and god I can’t even imagine it actually.” Mina takes a deep breath, “Can you imagine it, Ochako?” Uraraka shakes her head and the girls share a shrug before dissolving into laughter all over again. Kaminari glares.
“He has a girlfriend! I swear you guys, he does! I can prove it! Like, we all know he hasn’t been around as much lately. And we all know he doesn’t have any other friends, because he would have told us by now or like not avoid our questions, and by extension of that, there’s no way he could have charmed someone into a relationship, right? But! People are fucked up! The other day I heard some girls talking about how attractive Bakugou is! Regular, real girls. Plus, he has a contact in his phone that ends in a heart! Deku or some shit.”
Eijirou pauses. He remembers Bakugou mentioning a Deku a while back.
“Have we been around Kaminari too long, or did what he just say actually make sense?” Sero says.
Eijirou thinks a little more and says, “I think it did.”
...
Hitoshi didn’t know how he ended up here. One second he was in Gen Ed, wishing to be a hero. The next, he is training with Aizawa-sensei, cuddling with Denki, and hanging out with the Bakusquad. Hitoshi has to admit, he hated Bakugou at first. Someone who had everything he wanted and used it to put others down. But, after getting to know everyone better, he found that the brash asshole didn’t mean to hurt everyone around him. He was actually kinda entertaining, too.
Hitoshi never passed up a chance to fuck with Bakugou. He challenges and goads Bakugou until the jackass responds then brainwashes him every chance he gets. When Uraraka slapped him and sent him flying, Hitoshi helped her tie a string around his waist. When Denki begged him to help exorcise Bakugou, Hitoshi didn’t think twice about it.
Maybe that’s why he said, “Then let’s go see if Bakugou has any pictures or presents from his girlfriend.”
...
Twenty minutes later, and bros night has officially turned into Mission: Discover Deku and Get Back at Bakubro for Ditching Them. Eijirou was mad, but he was also just a little bit guilty. He felt bad for breaking into his friends room, instead of respecting his privacy and waiting for him to be ready. If it really was a secret girlfriend, Eijirou figures Bakugou is just embarrassed. He never knows what normal human thing will embarrass Bakugou.
But it was too late. Uraraka had already floated them all onto Bakugou’s balcony (“it’s to ensure Iida-kun or Aizawa-sensei doesn’t see us breaking curfew!”) and Shinsou was picking the lock (“an underground hero has to know this sort of stuff, Denki”). And while Eijirou did feel bad, he was also curious. He wanted to meet whoever was taking up all of his bro’s time.
The room was nothing like they thought it would be.
Eijirou knew Bakugou was a perfectionist, but he didn’t think he was a neat freak too. His floor was pristine, as though Bakugou had just finished vacuuming. His walls held two rock band posters, an All Might poster, and a painting of an explosion. The bed was made, the bookshelf was organized by genre (including the entire All Might comic/movie/tv show collection), the desk looked neat, and the only things that were unique to Bakugou’s room was the stereo next to his bed and the corner of his room holding a punching bag and various weights.
The squad got right to work. Sero, Uraraka, and Mina went to inspect the bookshelf and Bakugou’s tapes. Eijirou, Shinsou, and Kaminari snooped around his desk. Uraraka was giggling again, saying something about the odd combination of anger management tapes and metal music. After ten minutes of searching, the only suspicious thing they could find was a locked desk drawer.
“There has to be something in there!” Kaminari said.
Shinsou grins like the devil, “Something he doesn’t want us to see.”
Sero looks worried despite his grin, “What if it’s something we don’t want to see?”
“Shinsou, you gotta pick the lock. Bakubro is Bakubro, so whatever he’s got in here can’t be that bad. It’s probably something manly!”
“That’s what I’m worried about,” Sero mutters.
Shinsou gets straight to work. The tension in the room is palpable, all six of them anxious to find out what is going on with their friend, ready to use whatever they find to fuck with him, too.