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Chapter Text

Slowly Magnus blinks himself back to reality, concerned that he may have got to the stage of full-blown hallucinations from over exertion and lack of food. Had Alec just really stopped him on the street, asked him to meet for drinks and taken his phone number? He does the only thing he can in this situation, puts his ear buds in and breaks into a jog. 

“Look feel free to say no, no pressure but...How do you feel about going for a drink sometime?”

He recalls the nervous look on Alec’s face, worried as if he were going to cause upset by breaking the boundaries set in place by their unspoken arrangement. But what did Alec mean by go for a drink? Magnus chews on his bottom lip as his feet beat harder into the pavement, his lungs on fire as he pushes his body harder. Does he want to properly become friends? Dare I hope that he may want something more? He feels a flutter in his stomach at that idea before getting angry with himself. How dare he believe that someone as kind and caring as Alec could be interested in him in that way. He was not worthy of the precious few moments that they had already stolen. He couldn’t comprehend why Alec would even want to be friends. And once again his mind circles back to believing that he had imagined the whole interaction. 

He stops at his front door and composes himself, removing all emotion from his face and bracing for whatever mood his father is in. His body trembling and mind fuzzy where his body is burning itself out, Magnus half stumbles through the door and staggers to the kitchen. He pulls out a glass and fills it with water, almost dropping it as Asmodeus’ booming voice fills the kitchen. “Have you eaten?” it sounds more like an accusation than a question. 

Magnus gulps as he pivots to face his father standing in the doorway. His mind races as he tries to find the correct, appeasing answer. If he said that he had eaten only to find out that Asmodeus has left him something to eat he was sure to be faced with anger at his ungratefulness. However, if he said no he hadn’t eaten that too could enrage his father and bring on a lecture about how he needs to look after his body right if he is ever going to achieve anything in his miserable life. Both were equally likely and unlikely, the turmoil in Magnus’ head had caused too much of a delay in replying. 

“It’s a simple enough question boy. Have you eaten?” His voice is harsh and patronising. 

“I…” Magnus clears his throat, refusing with the last of his strength to show weakness. “I had something small a few hours ago.” It wasn’t a lie as he had managed to swallow down some of the homemade soup given to him by Tessa. 

Asmodeus strides over to the fridge, he removes a small bowl and thrusts it towards Magnus. “Eat this, I can see you’ve worked hard today,” his eyes flick down to Magnus’ trembling legs. Magnus takes the offered bowl as his father continues. “And I will not have it said that I let my son starve and burn out. As you know my reputation is important and I can do without people whispering that I don’t provide for my only son. Am I clear?”

“Yes father.” His face is emotionless as he watches Asmodeus retreat. This was the worst of all the moods from his father. The feigning concern only to really be caring about how things could look from the outside. It also signalled the beginning of another rough patch. The anticipation was precedent now, that over the next few days his father would be getting progressively worse. The cruel mind tricks and gruelling scrutiny. He reluctantly sits at the table to swallow down the food given to him by his father. Each bite tastes like ash and he can feel the bile rise in his throat. But still he perseveres knowing better than to refuse food from Asmodeus. With the last mouthful down, he quickly washes up before dashing to the bathroom where his stomach proceeds to empty itself. 

Magnus allows his body to sag, head falling back against the tiled bathroom wall as his eyes close. He could taste the acid in his mouth, the fire down his throat more of a comfort than it ever had any right to be. He concentrates on steadying his breathing, with a lot of effort he manages to pull himself up from the floor and onto shaky legs. Flushing the toilet, he uses the sink tap to rinse his mouth and quickly brush his teeth before retreating to his room. 

He pulls off his clothes and collapses onto the bed, no energy to put on any pyjamas; he feels totally drained. A buzzing next to him cuts through the dark haze. Face a contortion of confusion he reaches for his phone and opens a text from an unknown number. 

Hey, it’s Alec. Sorry that it’s so late, I have only just got chance to message you. Thank you for letting me have your number. Does tomorrow at 7pm work for you? If not let me know when does. Sorry again, Alec. 

Magnus smiles as he reads the message, relieved that he hadn’t hallucinated after all. He bites down on his bottom lip as he tries to word a reply, worried that he may write something wrong, or word it wrong and ruin things before they even had a chance to start. With a message written out he feels anxiety rise about how long it has taken him to reply. Before he could delay any longer or talk himself out of replying at all he presses send. 

Hey Alec, you have no reason to apologise. 7pm should be fine for me, where shall I meet you? Magnus

He saves the number and fiddles with his phone as he waits for a reply. The minutes drag on, the brief flicker of light that had sparked within him upon receiving Alec’s text quickly vanishes. He stares up at the ceiling, a dull burning in his stomach barely surpasses the numbness in his mind. He swallows as tears fill his eyes, he could not recall a time that he had felt so truly lost and detached. Before a tear has a chance to fall, his phone buzzes softly against his skin on his chest. It takes his mind a moment to register the vibration. 

With a deep breath Magnus opens the message, unable to stop the twinge at the edge of his lips as he sees Alec’s name. 

Is the Hunter’s Moon okay for you?

Before Magnus has a chance to even click to reply, let alone write a message another text comes through. 

Also, I know it’s not my place so forgive me. But you seemed pretty upset when I saw you earlier, is everything okay? I get that you probably don’t want to talk but the offer is there if you need to. 

The message feels like he has taken a blow to the gut and heart simultaneously. It throws him off balance and causes a release of everything he had desperately been trying to keep hold of. He draws his legs up and sobs into his knees; mindful even in this state to keep the noise down as to not alert his father to his weakness. Alec cared and that hurt. It hurts because Alec had no reason to care, not with everything Magnus had previously shared with him. It hurts because he had known for a very long time that he did not deserve for someone to care so much for him. And it hurts because it ignited that one tiny shred of a spark of hope that Alec could be interested in him. That maybe Alec felt their connection too. But, as always, his mind knew better. 

With some shaky breaths he turns back to his phone, how on Earth was he meant to answer the latter message? He couldn’t burden Alec with the truth, what the hell even was the truth? But he also didn't want to lie to Alec, not an outright lie at any rate. Most importantly he didn’t want to screw up and scare Alec off. 

Hunters moon sounds perfect.

And I’m sorry to have you worried, thank you for the offer but it’s getting late and I really need to get some sleep before training in the morning. Just having an off day. Look forward to seeing you tomorrow. Goodnight Alec. 

He neglected to mention just how many ‘off days’ he had been having lately, but nothing in the message was a lie and that was what mattered; despite some details being omitted. 

Look forward to seeing you tomorrow too. Goodnight Magnus, sleep well x

Magnus feels his heart flicker as his eyes linger on the little ‘x’ at the end of the message. Had he meant to send that to him? Was it merely an accident of habit, probably from texting his sister? He curses himself for ever even slightly believing that it was intentional. With one last look at the message he puts his phone on charge and turns off his lamp. Pulling up the covers he closes his eyes and pleads for his mind to go blank enough to allow for sleep take over. After what feels like an eternity of staring at blackness, his body’s exhaustion finally overcomes his mind. In reality it was just shy of two hours, but each minute of that time was agonisingly long, especially with his mind tormenting him each second. 

***

The alarm blaring at him causes great panic to arise in his chest, he hastily silences his phone hoping that it had not awoken Asmodeus. He takes deep breaths to calm his fear and brings himself back to reality. It was only a dream, it’s not real. Magnus swallows, his mind unhelpfully adding ‘but it was real’. 

He swings his legs over the edge of the bed and takes a moment, head in hands with his elbows resting on his knees. Eyes screwed shut he finds it almost impossible to motivate himself to begin the day. But the alternative, he shudders, the alternative is so much worse. He forces himself up and into his running gear. 

As quietly as possible Magnus makes his way out of the house. Not feeling in the mood for anything in particular he puts his music on shuffle as he begins to jog. With an established rhythm he lets go of all the thoughts plaguing his mind and focuses instead on the beat of the music and burn in his body. 

His muscles feel on fire as he neglects to turn the corner that marks his usual route. He wasn’t ready to turn back and so he just keeps running. He runs until his vision goes blurry and he has no choice but to slow down. He feels the nausea rising as he changes down into and fast walk and reluctantly points himself in the direction of home. Every breath is pain, every step his stomach threatens to violently bring up some acid. But he feels calm, calmer than he has for a while. His mind is at peace while his screaming body drowns his thoughts. 

A couple of blocks from home and the dizziness reaches a new high. He stumbles and ends up collapsing against a wall, body trembling and legs buckling, barely able to support his weight. He closes his eyes tight and rests his forehead on the brick work, body spasming as he retches. 

He knows he’s walking a thin line with how far he is pushing his body, he understands that one day something is going to give. But he doesn’t care, he has no space in his mind for any thoughts of self-care. 

He grits his teeth against the bile and focuses on his breathing. After a moment he feels able to begin moving again. His mind determined, Magnus uses every ounce of strength he can gather into forcing his body forwards. He refused to allow himself to stop again, the fact that he had even had to stop at all was a sign of weakness. There was no excuse for weakness and it would not be tolerated in the Bane household, Asmodeus was always crystal clear about that. 

Magnus’ hand shakes violently as he reaches for the door handle, the door feels like he’s trying to move a metal container. The edges of his vision are spotty and he cannot recall a time ever feeling so weak, he simply cannot show even the slightest glimmer of it. He has to be better than that, its expected. The short walk to the kitchen feels like a mile but with a small sliver of accomplishment he makes it there. 

Grabbing a cup of coffee, he carefully lowers his body onto a chair at his place at the table. His muscles scream as he sits, and he has to really fight the urge to sag backwards in the seat. Knowing better than to have anything but perfect posture with his father in the house. 

He slowly sips his coffee, thankful as his trembling begins to ease off. He eyes the oatmeal and fruit provided for him. With a sigh he brings the bowl of oatmeal closer and allows his hands to have a moment of comfort from the heat coming off of the bowl. Tentatively he scoops up a small spoonful and brings it to his mouth, to his relief as he swallows the nausea begins to ebb.

He adds a little fruit, mostly banana, to the bowl and gradually swallows it all down. His vision clears and the trembling stops as he takes a moment to allow the last mouthful to reach his stomach, grateful that his stomach had settled right down. 

He quickly cleans the dishes and heads into the home gym. Not having time for his full usual workout, he settles for lifting some weights starting with dumbbells and ending with a bench press. 

He manages to sneak past his father as he heads for a quick shower. Once dressed he slips out of the house unnoticed, releasing a sigh of relief he begins his journey to college. 

Twenty minutes later he reaches campus and heads straight for the dance studios. He knows he should really check in with Raphael and Ragnor first but he simply doesn’t have the energy.

After stashing his bag, unsurprisingly Magnus is the first person into the rehearsal space. He puts on a track at random and begins a warm up, preparing his body for a hard morning of rehearsals.

As his classmates arrive they all follow his lead and join in warming up. Confident that his body was ready Magnus walks over to the side and leans against the wall, staring off into the distance. He almost jumps out of his skin when Cat appears next to him, talking in a quiet soothing voice. “Hey, how are you holding up? You don’t seem quite so tense today.”

Magnus sends her a small smile, “I’m doing okay,” he sounds sincere, “In fact…” he glances around to check that no one is eavesdropping. “You were right, about Alec…” Catarina just smiles and waits patiently for Magnus to continue on his own time. “He bumped into me on my way home last night and well…” Magnus swallows, still unsure of what to make of the next comment. “We’re meeting up for drinks this evening.”

Cat’s smile grows, “that’s great! Just don’t do anything I wouldn’t,” she winks at him. And before Magnus can find words to reply she walks away, leaving him with a slight blush and a flitter in his chest at the idea of something ever happening with Alec. 

He takes a sip of water to calm himself, getting back into the zone. As Lorenzo makes his entrance the room goes silent, all eyes in his direction. He strides with elegance and purpose to the table at the front corner of the hall next to the sound system. He drops a clipboard down onto the table and turns to address the group. “Morning seniors. As you should all be aware the dance industry is highly competitive and as such only has a place for those who are not only talented and skilled, but those who can also demonstrate: discipline, diversity and dedication. As such this semester is going to be focused on pushing you out of your comfort zones. Just focusing on street these days is not nearly enough if you can’t prove yourself to be at least passable in other disciplines.” He halts in the middle of the front of the room and claps his hands together. “The winter showcase will be comprised of eighty percent choreography by yourselves, and the majority of this choreography will be focused on other areas of dance as opposed to street.” He smiles as he takes in their daunted expressions. 

Magnus feels a spelt of anxiety but soon replaces it with excitement. There was always a part of him that wanted to be able to perfect other areas of dance, maybe being good in multiple disciplines would finally prove his worth to his father? While he wholeheartedly doubted that was even a possible achievement, he could at least hope to put his father in a good mood for a short period of time. 

Lorenzo sets them a task of choreographing 32 counts each to a track he was about to play for them. Once they had listened to the track, he dismisses them to get on with their allocated task, adding a reminder about the sign-up sheets for the workshops being at the front of the room. Magnus makes a beeline for the workshop list, his eyes scan down the list, fuck it, what have I got to lose? He puts his name down for every single one offered. He was absolutely dreading the idea of ballet, but it was only a four-hour workshop so he knew that he could easily make it through. He just prays that Lorenzo doesn’t set ballet as his style for the showcase; he shudders at the thought. 

Retreating to his usual space in the hall, it doesn’t take him long to come up with 32 counts. He plays around with some of the movements and finally settles on a sequence he is happy with. Before long Lorenzo stops them and gets them to all sit along the front, backs against the wall of mirrors. One by one they are to take it in turns to share their section. As always Lorenzo gives harsh criticism; he then gets each senior to make at least one positive, and one improvement point for each of their peers. Magnus goes third, happy to get the harsh words out of the way sooner rather than later. As Lorenzo counts him in, a facade takes over his body as he shares his sequence. He oozes confidence and fun, all the while being disciplined and in control. As the track is switched off he stands up straight, hands clasped behind his back ready to take criticism. 

Instead of choosing who to start their feedback Lorenzo turns to the class and asks one simple question. “Who can think of point for improvement?” He is met with silence and uncomfortable glances. “Anyone? No one?” he probes. Lorenzo turns his stare back to Magnus who gulps under the intensity. “This, class. This is the calibre I expect from each and every one of you. Now while to my eyes it wasn’t faultless- but that is not the fault of Magnus but of being given so few counts to choreograph.” 

Magnus doesn’t know how to feel, he had never heard such praise and it hit him like a punch to the gut. He could feel tears well in his eyes. His nails bite into his palms as he refuses to let his emotions overcome him. 

“Magnus, would you mind performing again but this time I would like you to improvise a further 16 counts.”

Magnus swallows and nods, he gets into position and waits for the cue in the track to begin. As the 32 counts end he lets his body naturally flow and carry on for a further 16 counts. As he stops there is silence in the room. The sound of Lorenzo slowly clapping breaks the silence, his peers join in and Lorenzo strides over to him and claps him on the back. “Today you have proven your potential. Today there is nothing more for me to teach you. But tomorrow is a different story. You must stay to critique your peers then I am granting you the next hour off as a reward for the commitment that you have just demonstrated. 

Magnus feels dazed, maybe his alarm didn’t go off and he’s still dreaming? He sits next to Cat who simply turns to mouth the word ‘wow’ at him before the next performer is up. At the end of all the performances Magnus finds himself still in a daze as he leaves the dance hall. Knowing that Raphael usually has a free period now he sends him a quick text to find his location and goes to meet him. 

***

Magnus enters the library and scans the room for his friend. He frowns as he spots his friend doing what could only be described as laughing. Raphael didn’t laugh often, and more to the point he didn’t recognise the person causing the unusual behaviour. He slowly makes his way over to the two men, eyeing the stranger suspiciously; taking in his appearance which could only be defined in one single word, ‘nerdy’. Especially with the Star Wars top he was wearing. 

Raphael catches sight of Magnus heading over and his usual stoic expression falls back into place as he makes eye contact. Magnus responds by raising an eyebrow and smirking; his eyes flickering briefly to the stranger as he approaches their table. “Sorry to interrupt,” Magnus pulls out a chair and takes a seat opposite Raphael. 

“You’re not interrupting, Simon here was just leaving.” He shoots Simon a look who immediately flushes, eyes wide. 

“I was?..I mean yeah I was. I totally have that thing, you know the thing with the music to be getting on with. And it’s like super important that I get to done so I really should…”

“Simon,” Raphael cuts him off with a stern but kind voice. 

Simon clamps a hand over his mouth and takes a deep breath. Magnus watches the two of them with an amused smile on his face, who knew that while he was usually working his ass off in rehearsals Raphael was hiding out in the library with a total nerd that Magnus couldn’t help but notice he was fond of. Which was very unusual and getting information out of Raphael later would be a welcome distraction from the dark hole he had dug himself into of late. 

“Sorry I kinda talk a lot. I’m Simon by the way which I guess you already got from Raphael saying it twice. But anyway…” Raphael clears his throat but Magnus is paying enough attention to his friend to notice the small hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “Nice to meet you Magnus and I guess I’ll see you around Raph.” Simon awkwardly leaves and Magnus feels a strange sensation as Simon knows his name without Magnus uttering a word 

He shrugs it off assuming Raphael must’ve told him as he returns his mind to the present. “Raph huh?”

Raphael groans and rubs his hands across his face. “I’m sorry about Simon, his mouth goes over time but he’s harmless and means well.”

Magnus smirks and quirks his eyebrow, “oh yeah?”

Raphael's eyes instantly widen at the comment from Magnus, cheeks becoming a lovely pink colour.

Magnus shakes his head, “don’t worry I’m not here to tease. I know you’ll tell me in your own time should you want me to know. You know, about how you’re turning into a nerd.”  His voice is only lightly teasing. “No but seriously, I won’t utter another word unless you want to talk about it.” Magnus looks down to his hands on the table, fingers fidgeting as exhaustion already hits from such a small interaction. He remembers back to a time when he lived to be around others and now...Now he just wanted to curl up in a dark corner and just have everything stop for a while. 

A gentle touch to his hand causes Magnus to jolt, broken out of his spirally thoughts his gaze follows from the finger up the arm and to the source of his broken reverie. “Thank you,” Raphael says sincerely. Magnus smiles weakly. “Who can I thank for actually getting some time to spend with you?” 

“Lorenzo let me off the rest of rehearsals today, it seems that I managed to do the impossible and actually impress him.”

Raphael’s eyebrows shoot up at the information, “wow that’s incredible. You must be so pleased with yourself.” Magnus shrugs, his body sagging slightly. Raphael waits patiently for Magnus to make eye contact before continuing. “I’m proud of you.”

Magnus struggles to keep control of his emotions at his friend’s words. He feels his eyes fill with tears and grits his teeth to keep them from spilling. 

Raphael stands and gestures with his head, his hand coming to rest gently on Magnus’ shoulder. “Come on, let’s go somewhere more private so that we can talk.” With a caring squeeze Raphael walks away, glancing back only briefly to ensure that Magnus was following. 

As Magnus walks behind his friend he can feel the anxiety rise in his belly. Despite initial appearances Raphael was actually the easiest of his friends to talk to, there was a deep connection between the two men- stronger than a family bond that neither could explain. Magnus tries to reassure himself that Raphael had always been there for him, with unconditional love, no matter what he had shared. But his anxiety was a plague, and oh did it like to taunt and torment him into not listening to reason or logic. 

Raphael leads Magnus to an unfamiliar part of campus. He brings him into a small, cosy room with soft lighting, comfy chairs and a computer in the corner. The room was complete with a coffee machine and Magnus wondered just how few students knew that this area existed. And how on Earth Raphael came to know of it. They make themselves comfortable and enjoy a moment of silence before it turns awkward. 

“I know that you’ve been struggling a lot lately and I’m sorry if it seemed like I haven’t been there for you much.”

“You have no reason to be sorry.”

Raphael takes a steadying breath, “it’s just that I’ve had something going on myself that I’ve tried to keep from all of you as best I could. But now I guess I just need someone to know? And there’s no one else I would rather turn to, providing that it won’t be too much for you?”

Magnus shakes his head and gently holds Raphael’s hand, “not at all. I’m here for you always.” 

“And I, you,” Raphael counters, gripping righter onto Magnus’ hand. “It’s my mom, she’s been really sick and the doctors…” his voice falters and he takes a moment to swallow down his emotions. “The doctors don’t know if there is anything more that they can do for her. She’s just started an experimental treatment as a last resort.”

“Oh Raphael, how long have you been keeping this to yourself?” Magnus rubs his thumb over the back of the other man’s hand in a comforting gesture. 

“Six months,” his grip firms on Magnus’ hand as he wipes a stray tear from his eye. “So that’s me. You ready to talk about you?” his voice is low and non-pressuring. 

Magnus hangs his head and closes his eyes; it takes a lot of effort but after a few moments of silence he manages to open up to Raphael. “You know more than most the pressure I can be under, and my father-he…” Magnus gulps. “I’ve never seen him so...unstable. His mood changes at the drop of a hat with no rhyme or reason as to why. He hates that I’m here and not pursuing a proper career, but when it was just disapproval to contend with I could cope now…” Magnus sighs. “Now it’s like he’s personally invested in me, and that I have to be better than the best otherwise-otherwise it’s his life I’m ruining and staining with my existence.”

Raphael repositions so that his arm draws Magnus closer, his hand rubbing his shoulder as Raphael listens to everything Magnus is willing to share. Showing Magnus how much he cares with an intimate embrace that with almost anyone else he would be averse to.  And Magnus recognises this, it causes his voice to die in his throat for a moment at the realisation of how much his friend truly loved and cared for him. 

After a few calming breaths he is able to speak again. “And then one day, I found myself just wandering, trying to clear my head and work out if chasing this dream of mine was even worth it. Was it even something I truly wanted to become reality?” He huffs, “Sometimes I can’t help but feel that it’s all a waste of time and energy. And then…” A small smile ghosts across Magnus’ lips. “I feel it, the euphoria and feelings of belonging. Those moments are rare now.” He frowns for a moment before getting back on track. “Anyway, I somehow managed to meet this...incredible person. Someone who just wanted to listen, share and be this positive presence in my life. And for a brief period of time I felt like I could start to get better, that one day I could walk around without this black cloud dragging me down.”

“What happened?” Raphael’s voice is soft with a strain of emotion.

“They stopped showing up, and it was then, really, that I truly realised how much our moments together meant to me. How much they helped. But…” Magnus’ sad smile turns brighter as he bites his bottom lip and pulls away from Raphael, turning to face away. His mind a turmoil of debate about really telling Raphael about Alec, or just leaving things vague. While Raphael knew about his sexuality he had never been in this position before. Never before had a man played on his mind so much, drawn him in completely. 

“It’s me, whatever it is you’re conflicted about saying remember that nothing you say to me will ever damage our friendship. You’re my best friend because of the person you are.”

Magnus smiles at him, “you’re my best friend for the same reasons.” He clears his throat as to brace himself for what he was about to say. “Long story short he found me in the street and I’m seeing him tonight.” 

“Seeing him as in seeing him ? Or just seeing him?” There was no judgment, only curiosity in Raphael’s tone. 

“I...I’m not...he asked me if I wanted to meet up for drinks…”

“Do you want it to be more than drinks?” Raphael keeps his voice neutral.

Magnus looks down at his hands resting on his lap, he can’t bring himself to speak and so elects to just nodding his head. Bracing himself for Raphael to lash out at the idea of him feeling that way for a man; as his anxiety screams at him that he had just messed up. But Raphael’s mood doesn’t change, his demeanour remains the same. “Tell me about him?”

Magnus shoots him a look, eyebrows raised, “seriously? Since when have you wanted to hear anyone talk about their crushes?”

“Since it’s you, and I can already tell that he is special to you. Besides if he hurts you I am going to need all the information I can get to make him pay.” He speaks the latter in a dead serious tone, and Magnus knew his friend was being totally sincere. 

Before long he finds himself gushing to his friend about Alexander Lightwood, sharing stories and explaining as best he could just why he felt such a strong connection with him. He feels lighter than he had for a while enjoying having such a nice, carefree moment with his best friend. A moment where he can be himself and not have to worry about filtering what he says or hide part of him. It had been years since he had experienced a time like this with just Raphael and himself. Both men not knowing how much they missed or needed this time until now. 

But it can’t last forever, soon enough they have to leave their quiet retreat and make their way back to the main campus in order to join with their other friends. It’s only on the walk back that Magnus starts to feel guilty. He had just left Catarina to face the wrath of Lorenzo on her own, what was he thinking? He mentally scolds himself for being so selfish and not thinking of the affect him getting out of rehearsals early would have on the rest of the group. 

Raphael’s quiet voice almost startles him, “you’re beating yourself up again.” It was a statement not a question. Raphael sighs and stops Magnus, gently using Magnus’ arm to steer and turn the man to face himself. “What’s wrong Magnus? Only a few moments ago you seemed so much lighter than I have seen you these past few weeks. What’s changed?” 

“I’m just worried about Cat; I left her with Lorenzo and didn’t even look back.”

“Just an idea, instead of worrying and beating yourself up. Why don’t you just go and talk to her?”

“You’re right,” Magnus admits. He wishes he could stop his mind from always jumping to the worst possible outcome. But it was futile. With the way things were for him currently he just couldn’t see a way out. No way of being able to heal his mind, build himself up and look forward to a future. 

Chapter Text

Magnus sighs as he takes off a third shirt in a row, he heads over to his wardrobe and flicks through, his fingers coming to rest on a burgundy top. With a shrug he put in on and checks out how it looks in the mirror. He didn’t want to dress as though he thought it was a date, because he knew that was just wishful thinking, but at the same time he wanted to dress to impress. With his clothing finally settled upon he finishes his look with a couple of necklaces, rings, a hint of black kohl to accentuate his eyes and styling his hair. 

Carefully putting his rejected clothing choices away, he begins to feel nervous. With a quick glimpse at the time Magnus pushes himself out of the house to begin the walk to the Hunters Moon. His mind racing, a whirlpool of emotion. He was happy and excited to be able to see Alec again, looking forward to getting to know him better. But he was also nervous and anxious. What if he said or did the wrong thing, something that upsets Alec? What if Alec feels embarrassed to be seen with him- especially with how he looked at the moment. Was it too much, should he have dialled it down? What if Alec discovers how he feels for him? He could become angry or repulsed and want nothing more to do with him.

But anger and repulsion were something Magnus struggled to see Alec being; his mind only able to conjure up images of the kind, caring and selfless Alexander that he had been blessed with the opportunity to spend time with. As Magnus thinks about Alec, he can’t help but be reminded of all the qualities that cause Magnus to be attracted to him. Everything about the man, both physical and internal, just pulls Magnus in. From his gorgeous eyes that he could stare into all day to Alec’s compassion. Damn it! How was he supposed to keep his cool?

As he reaches the Hunters Moon he feels the nerves bubble up inside his stomach. He feels a little nauseous and dizzy and could no longer separate what symptoms were caused by nerves and anxiety to those from excitement. He checks the time, 6.50pm , and heads inside straight for the bar. He perches on a bar stool, noting that the waitress serving tonight was someone he knew meaning he didn’t need to bother to get his ID ready. 

He orders a scotch on the rocks hoping for it to numb his thoughts just enough to allow Magnus to enjoy his time with Alec. Just as he swallows down the last of his drink, movement by the door catches his eye. His breath catches in his throat at the sight of Alec, his eyes unable to stop themselves from roaming and taking in Alec’s appearance and physique. He looked stunning in just a simple dark green shirt and dark jeans. 

Alec catches his eye and shoots him a shy smile that Magnus returns. As Alec strides across the room towards him, Magnus feels his heart rate quicken and mouth go dry. 

“Hey,” Alec speaks tentatively as he comes to stand beside Magnus. “I’m glad that you agreed to this, thank you,” he gazes into Magnus’ eyes for a couple of seconds before clearing his throat and looking away. 

Magnus shakes his head, “nothing to thank me for,” he can’t find the words to say anymore. 

A moment of silence passes before Alec speaks, “I’ll just grab a drink and then we can find somewhere comfortable to sit?” He suggests, not waiting for a response before adding, “can I get you one?”

“Sounds good,” Magnus smiles softly before shyly asking for a martini. Within minutes Alec has acquired their drinks and they find their way onto a worn but comfortable sofa, situated in one of the corners of the Hunters Moon. They sit beside one another so that they can both relax into the cushions as opposed to one of them being relegated to a not so comfy chair. 

Alec takes a gulp of his drink before setting it down on the table. He angles his body towards Magnus, hands clasped in his lap as he leans slightly forward. “I want to apologise to you for...” his hands motion as he tries to think of the right word. “Disappearing on you. I could easily lie and just say that it was due to family stuff. But it wasn’t just that.”

“Oh? Can I ask what else it was?”

Alec shakes his head, “it doesn’t matter,” he smiles at Magnus as his hand twitches on his lap. Magnus observes Alec as he looks away, seeming uncomfortable; Alec has his head ducked and his hands fidgeting. Magnus has to fight the urge to reach across and take hold of Alec’s hands; the desire to be able to soothe him with careful movements of his thumb across the back of his hands.

In the silence Magnus finds his voice, “I get that you don’t want to tell me, but I’m sure that whatever it was, does matter and should you ever want to tell me I’d be happy to listen.”

“Thank you,” Alec clears his throat and relaxes, turning his attention back to Magnus. “I never got the chance to congratulate you on your performance at the showcase. You were truly incredible.”

Magnus feels the heat rise in his cheeks, he averts his gaze, “thank you.”

“No seriously, I have never seen someone move as well as you, your solo at the end was just…” Alec flails his hands hopelessly as he struggles to find an accurate word. 

Magnus smiles sadly, “well I’m glad you enjoyed it. Sadly the same can’t be said for everyone.”

Alec’s brows furrow, “oh? Care to elaborate?”

“Let’s see: it was tacky, some of it seemed rushed, in some places in my extensions were lacking…” Magnus reels off a few more criticisms that he had been given by both Lorenzo and his father before snapping his mouth shut, feeling guilty and embarrassed about going off like that.

“Well I don’t know where the hell they were sitting but you looked pretty damn perfect out there to me.” Magnus blushes as Alec takes a swig of his drink before adding, “and trust me, I have seen a lot of performances. 95% couldn’t hold a torch to you.”

Magnus raises his eyebrows in question, hoping for an elaboration. After swallowing some more of his beer Alec obliges. “Izzy, my sister, in her free time she’s a member of a dance company. Has been since she was little.”

Curiosity peaks in Magnus, “which company?”

“Momentum.”

“Is that the one based in Williamsburg?” Alec nods and they fall into a light conversation surrounding Isabelle’s journey in dance and how she almost ended up pursuing a career in it but gave it up in order to pursue another passion. One which gained significantly more support from their parents. 

“Izzy’s got the right idea though,” Alec concludes. “The family business isn’t exactly a fun career. I now work two shifts a week, I’m not convinced that it’s not more trouble than it’s worth.”

“Want to talk about it?”

Alec shakes his head, “not tonight.” Alec reaches out and briefly squeezes Magnus’ hand before withdrawing his own. “Thank you, but I would rather hear about you.”

“I’m not sure there’s anything to say.”

Alec smiles sadly, “maybe not but I can still see that you’re hurting. I can see that you’re going through a struggle right now and I want you to know that you’re not alone. I am here for you, whatever you need.” 

Magnus feels himself get choked up with emotions, he manages to rasp out a thank you before having to look away. Even outside of their ‘normal’ setting Alec was proving to be the same kind, caring and considerate person.

“Have you eaten?”

Magnus gulps as dread hits his stomach at such a simple question. He fidgets nervously, his fingers twisting his rings, unable to do or say anything with his internal panic occurring. How was he meant to eat with the cocktail of emotions flooding his veins? It was hard enough when it was just the anxiety and pressure. 

“Would you like to share some fries with me? I can’t finish an entire portion myself but I’m a little hungry.” 

“Sure,” Magnus manages to send a weak smile to Alec. Sharing a portion of fries, he could do this. He just prayed that his body would agree. Alec excuses himself to place an order at the bar, when he returns with another round of drinks Magnus protests. 

“Tonight is on me, see it as my way of trying to make up for going AWOL.” 

“I don’t see how that’s fair,” Magnus pouts.

“Fine if you feel so strongly you can pay next time, that is if you want there to be a next time. I mean I don’t want to pressure you or…”

“Alexander, I would love to do this again.”

“Really?” Alec’s face lights up as he nods in confirmation. “It doesn’t have to be here, it can be whatever you want.” Alec wets his bottom lip and shifts his gaze nervously. 

This time it’s Magnus who reaches out a reassuring hand, he lets his fingers ghost over the other mans. Shooting him a warm smile, “I guess I’ll just have to surprise you then.” 

As a waiter places a bowl of fries on the table Magnus springs his hand away as if he had been burnt. Alec clears his throat and thanks the waiter. Magnus feeling guilty and ashamed with himself for how that must’ve looked to the waiter.

Alec moves the bowl so that it is now between them and squirts a little ketchup on one side. He gestures to Magnus to help himself as he takes a fry and relaxes back into the seat. Tentatively Magnus bites into a fry, he swallows the first bite of ash and takes another, thankful that by the third bite it no longer tastes like ash. Before long Magnus somehow ends up absentmindedly eating as he converses with Alec, feeling lighter and less exhausted than he had for a while. 

As it gets later the atmosphere between the pair shifts, neither wanting to admit that it was time to call it a night and part ways. It is Alec that breaks first, “I hate to admit this, but it’s getting late and I should be getting home.”

Magnus agrees that he should really get home, lie ins were not something Magnus was privy to, the latest he could ever be allowed to sleep into was 6am. And as much as he was enjoying his time with Alec, he doubted he would be able to have any chance of getting enough sleep to be prepared for the next day if he didn’t leave now. 

“Would it be okay if I walked you home?” Alec’s voice is shy and tentative. 

Magnus smiles at him, “that sounds lovely but isn’t that making you further away from your house?”

Alec shrugs, “I can get a cab once you’re home.”

Magnus felt a flush through his heart, he got the feeling that like himself, Alec was not quite ready to say goodbye. With some reluctance the pair leave the Hunters Moon and begin the short walk to Magnus’. 

Magnus has to fight the urge to walk closer to Alec to allow their fingertips to brush together. He clenches his fists at the desire to reach out and hold Alec’s hand in his own. He was being stupid and his mind was likely to ruin things if he didn’t get things under control, he knew this. His gaze drops to his feet as he retreats into himself, body becoming tense and haunched. 

Alec must’ve noticed a shift as he stops walking and turns to face Magnus; one hand coming up to rest on the top of Magnus’ arm. “Hey, is everything okay?” Alec’s voice is barely above a whisper. 

Magnus looks straight to Alec’s hand touching his arm, feeling the warmth of Alec radiating into his own body. His eyes track up Alec’s arm until they come to rest on a set of eyes filled with worry and concern. “I’m fine,” Magnus manages to force out with a weak smile. 

“No, you’re not,” Alec’s tongue flicks across his bottom lip as he puts his free hand on Magnus’ other arm. He squeezes encouragingly before he continues, “I can see that you’re hurting. And it’s okay to admit that. Admitting it doesn’t make you weak but rather shows great strength.” Magnus’ body sags at Alec’s words, eyes cast downward. “I would like to help you if you’ll let me,” Alec adds in a whisper.  

Magnus takes a shaky breath, eyes squeezing shut before he finds the strength to look back at Alec, his facial expression, for the first time in what feels like a lifetime, not hiding anything. “I just…” Magnus takes a deep breath. “I’m scared and worried that I’m going to say or do the wrong thing. That I’m going to upset or disappoint you.” Magnus fiddles with his hands nervously. “I just don’t want to scare you away.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Alec states. He gestures with his head and begins walking. “I know that the words themselves don’t mean much, but I hope that over time you’ll realise that I’m a man of my words.”

Magnus doesn’t know how to respond, so he falls in step with Alec, his head swimming with emotions and questions that his mind was unable to form any coherent sense from. 

As they near Magnus’ house he pulls Alec to a stop beside a tree, knowing that it would obscure his father’s view should he be watching from the window- he really did not want a lecture on how inappropriate it was for him to be spending time with a Lightwood. “This is me. So… uh…” Magnus clears his throat and starts again, “do you still want to do this again sometime?” 

Alec beams at magnus, “yes.” Magnus cannot help but grin back, for the first time he felt his worries and anxieties completely fade into the background, in that moment he feels truly happy. 

“When will you next be free?”

Alec thinks for a beat before answering, “Sunday morning or Tuesday/Wednesday from around 6pm.”

“Sunday morning?”

Alec smiles, “As long as it’s not before 8am, trust me you do not want to see me that early on a Sunday,” he jokes. 

Magnus forces out a laugh as his mind unhelpfully conjures up what Alec would look like when he’s just woken up; with sleep still in his eyes and his hair adorably muzzed up. “I’m sure you look adorable,” he speaks quietly without thinking. 

Before his mind has a chance to go into overdrive Alec chuckles, “that’s not the word I would use.” 

Alec rubs his hand on the back of his neck, “I uh, I guess I should let you get in. Thank you for tonight.”

“It’s me who should be thanking you.” A moment passes as they gaze into each other’s eyes. Magnus finds it difficult to breathe, his heart feels like it’s going to break out of his chest. He can feel the tension rising in his body. As the intensity grows he fights against the pull to take a step towards Alec and into his space. Before he can stop himself, Magnus’ eyes flit down to Alec’s mouth, he bites his lip to suppress a moan- wanting nothing more than to kiss Alec right there in that moment. Embarrassed Magnus looks away, hoping that the dimly lit street was enough to keep Alec from seeing how red he was getting. The idea of what it would feel like to actually kiss him playing on his mind. 

“Goodnight Magnus,” Magnus doesn’t know if it’s his imagination of if Alec really had sounded breathless. 

“Goodnight Alec.” Reluctantly they both head their separate ways. 

***

Magnus’ head snaps around at the sound of the door crashing open announcing the arrival of Lorenzo. The room immediately falls silent and huddles at the front of the hall; with purpose in his movements Lorenzo places brown envelopes across the table, spreading them out evenly. He then places a bowl on the floor a few feet in front of the group.

“Right, so here’s how this is going to work,” Lorenzo claps his hands together. “Seniors, when I say your name, I want you to come and pick an envelope. Inside you will find your assignment for the showcase. Meanwhile I want each junior to come and pick two numbers out of the bowl. These numbers correspond to a number in each of the envelopes. Once all the assignments are out each senior will reveal their number so that the juniors know who they are working with. Now there are four duplicates of each number in the bowl meaning that any of you seniors could be choreographing anything from a solo piece to a group of five. Am I making sense?” Lorenzo is met by a wave of heads nodding. 

Magnus feels the anxiety rise within him, this was it. This was the assignment that was going to dictate his semester and either make or break him in terms of his future dancing career. 

“Bala,” Lorenzo’s voice echoed around the room. 

Magnus looks down at his shaking hands, knowing his name would be called next. “Bane,” Lorenzo watched his every move as Magnus made his way to pick an envelope. There were four for him to choose from as Lorenzo had provided one assignment for each senior plus one spare. He tries his hardest to not allow his legs to shake or his hands to tremble as he picks up an envelope and walks back to his spot. 

“Loss.” Magnus shoots Cat a supportive look as she is called, and once Maia has also picked hers, they stand facing one another. After taking a deep breath they all tear open their envelopes and look at their assignments inside. 

Magnus blinks as he sees his designated style, lyrical . He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, he could do this. He allows relief to calm his anxiety that it hadn’t been strict ballet before reading more of the details regarding the assignment. Further down the sheet was a list of four tracks he could choose from:

18th Floor Balcony- Blue October

Skinny Love- Birdy

Mercury- Sleeping at Last

Bad Dream- Ruelle 

Alongside the sheet outlining the assignment was a memory stick which held each of the tracks with a few examples of well-choreographed dances in the dictated style. 

They quietly share what style each of them has: Elias would be doing Latin; Cat, ballet and Maia, jazz. 

“Seniors to the front.” Magnus squeezes Cat’s hand in reassurance as they make their way to the front of the hall. “When a number is spoken, I want you to raise a hand if you have that number. Then you each get half an hour to sort out a rehearsal schedule, at which point the seniors will be dismissed to begin their creative journeys.”

Elias ended up with a full house of having four juniors, Magnus got one, Cat had two and Maia ended up with three. It turns out that the junior paired with Magnus also had Catarina. This made it very simple for them to compromise on a rehearsal schedule as they both knew each other’s schedule and so only needed to factor in that of the juniors to come up with a plan. Once everybody had got sorted out, complete with dance hall bookings, Lorenzo called them back to attention. 

“Seniors, you need to have finalised your track choice by Monday. From there it is completely down to you to organise everything else. At the halfway point to the showcase each of you will perform with your group solely to me and two professional dance choreographers. This will be your one and only chance to get advice, support and tips. So best you are prepared by then. Seniors dismissed.”

Magnus was in a daze as he walks with the other seniors to the computer room. Each of them pulled out their headphones in order to give their song selections a listen. Magnus closes his eyes as he hits play, desperately willing creativity to spark. He knew that with lyrical it was vital he paid attention to what the song was saying, both in words and between the lines. After a few run throughs he has the track narrowed down to two choices and knew that would be as far as he would be able to get today.

He shuts down the computer and leans back into the chair, lost in thought. Not about dance. He gulps as he tries to think of what to do with Alec on Sunday. The excitement was vastly outweighed by the pressure of being the one to organise everything. 

He pulls out his phone and searches for places he could take Alec. Sure, there were plenty of great places, local enough that neither would have to worry about travel time, but none of them felt right. His forehead crinkles deepen as he searches further. He knew it wasn’t a date, but he refused not to give full effort just because of this. Alec deserves the best, and it seemed like Alec had been having a tough time lately and the only way Magnus could think of helping was to make Sunday perfect. 

“Hey Magnus,” it takes him a moment to blink out of his thoughts and turn to Cat. “I need coffee, want to join me?”

Magnus gives a small smile, “coffee sounds like a good idea.” He pauses for breath before shyly adding, “and maybe you could help me with something?” 

“Now you’ve got me intrigued,” Catarina shoots him a look before resuming gathering her things and slinging her bag onto her shoulder. 

Magnus follows suit and they make their way to a small coffee shop by campus. “So what kind of thing do you need help with?”

Magnus chews on his bottom lip, “Alec related…” Cat shoots him a smirk. “Coffee then I’ll talk,” he adds sternly. The rest of their short walk is spent in silence. Magnus finds his stomach doing somersaults about planning with Cat what he should do with Alec.

Coffee in hand they settle at a table in the front corner.  Catarina remains quiet allowing Magnus to start in his own time. “So I need some inspiration. I’m seeing Alec again Sunday morning and it’s up to me to organise it.”

Catarina smiles broadly at Magnus then leans across the table. They spend half an hour in the coffee shop talking through ideas. By the time they leave, Magnus has the perfect plan in his mind for Sunday. All that was left was preparation. 

Chapter Text

With Magnus’ mind occupied with his lyrical choreography and seeing Alec again, it soon ends up being Sunday. His father had been in an awful mood yesterday, he had even thrown a mug at Magnus’ head because he hadn’t answered quick enough when asked if he would be home for dinner at all over the weekend. Thankfully Magnus had managed to duck so he wasn’t hit by the object, but he wasn’t unscathed. As the mug collided with the wall behind him a piece had ended up embedded in his arm- Magnus dripping blood on the carpet had only angered Asmodeus further. 

The outcome was that Magnus was avoiding being at home as much as possible. He finishes his run and workout by 7am. It takes him until just after 8am to be ready to leave the house- he wanted to look good when he saw Alec without it seeming like he was trying to impress. He gathers a few items he needs then carefully sneaks out of the house. 

He makes a few stops on route but still manages to get to the place he was taking Alec before 9am. It gave Magnus plenty of time to sort out everything. After talking with Cat, Magnus had decided to bring supplies to their old meeting spot. He laid out a blanket in front of the tree and placed an array of cushions down to make it more comfortable. He had brought a selection of food to snack on- including soup made by Tessa who was more than happy to be able to help Magnus even if it was in such a small way. Magnus had been careful not to choose anything that his stomach would immediately object to- he was desperate to keep that side of him away from Alec. If Alec ever realised just how screwed up he was, he would be sure to lose him. 

Content with how everything looks Magnus settles on the blanket and pulls out his iPod. Yesterday he had finally decided on a track for his lyrical piece and so he killed the time waiting for Alec by having the track on loop and writing down notes and ideas. 

As it gets closer to when Alec was due; he can feel the nerves bubble up inside him. He can no longer focus on his dance piece, so he switches off his iPod and puts it away with his notepad. Magnus begins to pace. What if he hates it? What if it’s too much? Magnus gulps, does it seem too much like a date? Friends can have picnics too, right? It doesn’t have to be romantic. Magnus groans, suddenly regretting his entire plan. Great, well done Bane! Screwed it up already, what is wrong with you? Why do you always manage to be such a colossal disappointment? Magnus comes to a halt, his eyes screwing tightly shut, teeth clenched and fists tight enough for his nails to bite into his palms as he wills his mind to just shut up. What was done, was done; he knew he had to face the consequences of his actions however bad they were. 

Everything suddenly stops as a rustling grabs his attention and Alec appears before him. Magnus can’t breathe, his mind shuts down as his heart rate speeds up. “Morning Magnus,” Alec strides over so that he is standing close to Magnus, far enough away to not invade his personal space; but close enough that Magnus can feel his skin begin to tingle. “This looks great,” Alec gestures, “It’s not a date though is it?” Alec’s tone is neutral. 

“No!” Magnus replies a bit too quickly and defensively causing Alec’s eyebrows to raise. “Sorry,” Magnus mutters as he looks away embarrassed by his insecurities.

Alec places a gentle finger under Magnus’ chin and encourages Magnus to look at him. As Magnus lifts his head Alec’s thumb softly rubs across his cheek. “Is a date with me really such a horrible idea?” Alec’s face was unreadable as was his tone. 

Magnus shakes his head, hoping to be able to speak coherently with Alec’s fingers torturing him with their comforting. What he wouldn’t give to be able to reach out and close the small distance between them. “No, sorry I just didn’t want…” Magnus us cut off by Alec placing his thumb over his lips. 

Magnus clamps his mouth shut, biting down on his tongue as Alec wets his bottom lip. Alec’s knuckles graze over Magnus’ cheek as he slowly withdraws his hand. “Stop overthinking and I know that’s what you’re doing because my sister tells me off for the same thing all the time,” his voice is barely above a whisper. 

Just as Magnus feels as though he’s going to explode Alec moves away and settles on the blanket; patting some cushions next to him in invitation. Magnus manages to snap out of his daze in order to join Alec. 

By way of distraction and in order to give himself something to do aside from sit there feeling a little uncomfortable, Magnus pulls out each of the food items and spreads them across the space left on the blanket. He explains to Alec what each thing is, ending up on Tessa’s homemade soup. 

Alec smiles fondly at Magnus, “I would love to try some of Tessa’s soup first if that’s okay?” 

“Of course,” Magnus nods as he pours the soup out into two cups. It was still quite warm from where Tessa had made it this morning for him. He had no clue how he had ended up with such an amazing group of friends. He felt bad for seemingly not appreciating them and taking them for granted at the moment. But with the place he was currently at, he just prayed that they could understand and forgive him, as he simply lacked the mental and physical energy required to change anything. 

Alec gratefully accepts the soup, he vocalises his enjoyment as he takes his first mouthful. “This is seriously good, what’s in it?”

Magnus shrugs, flushing slightly as he admits, “I’m not actually sure.” Alec looks at him in question. “It’s Tessa’s family recipe- I’m only allowed to know a few of the things that go into it. The rest is a secret for her family.” 

“Well whatever it is, it tastes amazing and I don’t blame them for wanting to keep it a secret.” Alec tone is light, and Magnus finds himself relaxing in his company. 

However, as they finish eating Magnus cannot help but notice a shift in Alec. He studies Alec’s body language and becomes worried at the tension and quietness. With all the food and drink stuff packed back away, both men shift on the blanket to become more comfy. But Magnus’ worry only grows as Alec remains quiet, seemingly lost in his own mind. 

“Is everything okay?” Magnus ensures that he keeps his voice soft, but even then he winces slightly at the sound breaking through the silence- still feeling fragile from his father's outburst the previous day. 

“I’m fine,” Alec’s reply is weak and disproved by the look in his own eyes. 

Magnus shakes his head, “you don’t need to pretend with me. I can tell that there’s something bothering you.” 

Alec takes a shaky breath, “You’re right, there is something- I just…” He shuts off closing his eyes with a tense face. 

“It’s okay, take your time.” Tentatively Magnus puts his hand on top of Alec’s trying his best to ignore the warm tingling caused by the contact. 

After a moment Alec opens his eyes and shifts so that he is sat crossed leg facing Magnus. Following his lead, Magnus mirrors him and feels his heart rate go into overdrive as Alec takes hold of both his hands and leans forward slightly. “The reason,” Alec takes a breath and tries again. “The other reason why I stopped meeting up with you was that I was scared.” His tongue flicks across his bottom lip before he continues. “Scared about this connection between us. About how I feel for you. And before you say anything p-please know that I’m not expecting anything from you and, I understand if you don’t feel the same. If you like we can just forget I said anything at all, but I wanted- needed to be honest with you.”

Magnus feels like his brain short circuits as Alec speaks. He had never dared to believe that this could ever actually happen, Alec truly felt something for him. As his brain catches up Magnus realises that Alec is still waiting for him to respond in some way. “Alexander,” he slowly brings his hand up to rest on Alec’s cheek, “I don’t want to forget that you said anything because I feel it too.”

“Really?” there is a glimmer of hope in Alec’s eyes. 

A small smile spread across Magnus’ lips, “you’re the most incredible and beautiful person that I have ever met.” Magnus blushes at his confession but before he has a chance to feel self-conscious about it, Alec’s face lights up and they end up grinning at one another. 

“So,” Alec clears his throat, “would you like to maybe go on an actual date with me?”

“I would love to.”

“Great, that’s great.” They both lose themselves staring into each other’s eyes. 

Still not quite believing that this was real and not a dream Magnus manages to break eye contact. He shifts so that he is side on to Alec and draws his knees up, hugging his legs. Alec also moves now that the spell had been broken, sitting beside Magnus with his legs stretched out in front of him resting backwards on his hands. “So, what are you up to for the rest of the day?”

Magnus shrugs, “probably just try and do some more work on my latest dance assignment. It’s a bit different to what I’m used to.”

“How so?”

“It’s a totally different style of dance to what I’m used to, and to make things harder I have to choose a track from a list of four and choreograph the entire thing as a duet.”

“That certainly sounds challenging. What’s the genre and have you picked your track?”

“Lyrical and I believe that I know which one to pick. There’s just a few bits that I need to work out before I make certain that’s my choice.”

“Izzy loves lyrical, there has been many a time where she has forced me into helping her rehearse- and it’s almost always for lyrical pieces.”

Magnus quirks an eyebrow intrigued, “Oh? So you’re used to being used as a stand in for rehearsals?” Magnus teases. 

Alec chuckles, “trust me, I am in no way fit to be a dancer, it’s not a sight I would wish on anyone. That being said, Izzy likes coming to me when she’s having trouble with lifts. Apparently I’m better at that than anyone else in her company.” He shrugs, “I think it’s more likely that she just trusts me more for that sort of thing as I’m her brother and she knows I won’t ever hurt her.” 

“Mmm, could be,” Magnus agrees as he makes a mental note that Alec might be able to suggest some nice lifts when he gets to that stage- not that he would ever have the confidence to follow through with this thought. Nevertheless, it was now stored information. “What about you, how are you spending the rest of your day?”

“I have a delightful family dinner at 7,” Alec’s sarcasm is capped by a groan. “And they’re going to pretend that everything is all happy families when really they’ll just be picking fault with us for everything they wished could be different about us.”

“Sounds rough,” without thinking Magnus rolls his sleeves up and winces as he scrapes the bandage on his arm protecting the cut from yesterday in an attempt to help it heal quicker.

Alec’s eyes widen as he spots the bloodstained bandage, “what happened?” His voice is laced with concern.

“It’s nothing,” Magnus tries to brush it off but it’s not enough to convince Alec who springs forward and gently examines the material. 

“Doesn’t look like nothing to me. You know that you can talk to me about anything right?”

“It only looks worse because I managed to undo any healing from overnight with my workout this morning.”

“Will you tell me how it happened?” Alec’s voice is quiet and non-pressuring. 

Magnus was torn, he wanted to be open and honest with Alec, especially now that they had both admitted their feelings for one another but on the other hand the truth was hard to face, and it wasn’t something he had ever told anyone about before. A few of his friends only knew of his dad’s temper escalating into actual violence if they had witnessed it for themselves. Magnus crosses his legs and fiddles with his hands in his lap. “It’s not something I ever talk about.”

“I understand,” Alec places one hand on his knee, “but if you did want to talk to someone about it the offer is there. If not, then that’s okay too.” 

“You are always so understanding,” Magnus comments. 

“I guess that’s just who I am, especially when I’m around you.” Alec squeezes Magnus’ knee, and gently bumps their shoulders together. “Hey, I’m not like this with everyone you know. I kind of have a reputation for being an unsocial, closed-off grump.” Alec’s admission causes Magnus to look up, he couldn’t fully visualise Alec in that way. “It’s true, just ask Izzy.”

“Well I would actually have to meet her for that.” 

“True.”

Both men fall silent, Alec waiting to see whether Magnus wanted to share or not; Magnus still torn about whether to be truthful with Alec or not. 

“You’ve heard about my father, the kind of man that he is. I’ve mentioned him to you before but-but what I left out was that when his moods get worse, he begins to lash out and turn to violence.” Magnus voice drops low and comes out broken, “it’s like I’m the only thing that can be used to get his anger out. And it’s not constant; his moods, they cycle. And right now it’s really bad.”

Magnus feels strong arms wrap around him and finds himself leaning into Alec’s chest. He burrows his head into Alec’s neck. “I am so sorry that you have to live through that. I wish that there was some way that I could make things better for you.” 

Magnus takes comfort in the scent of Alec, the sound of his soft voice rumbling through his chest. “You’re already making things better for me.”

Both men take time to enjoy the closeness, neither ready to break the embrace. Alec gently coaxes Magnus into a new position so that they were both led down with Magnus’ head resting on Alec’s chest. Alec softly rubs his hand across Magnus’ back and talks in a comforting voice. “Are you hurt anywhere else?” He feels Magnus nod against him and presses his eyes shut. “Are you safe going home?”

Magnus shrugs, “I can only avoid him for so long. So far I’ve been successful. But the longer I avoid him the worse it’ll be in the end.”

“I wish I could protect you from having to endure that.”

Magnus lifts his head and smiles sadly at Alec, “some things in life you just can’t change. My father is who he is, but it doesn’t stop him from being my father.” Magnus’ eyes flicker between Alec’s eyes and lips in the end he has to pull away, clearing his throat to stop himself giving in and kissing Alec. 

Alec checks the time and sighs, “So...er...when can I take you for that date?”

“I’m free from about six everyday, except Tuesdays and Wednesdays which I have the hall booked for rehearsals until 7.30. Weekends I’m usually pretty free.”

“Great,” Alec smiles, “leave it with me.” An incessant buzzing in Alec’s pocket causes him to groan. “Sorry but my family are demanding I get home. You gonna be okay?”

Magnus nods, “I’m fine, go be with your family.” Magnus can see the conflict in Alec’s eyes as he debates leaving to go be with his family or spending more time with Magnus. In the end duty wins and Alec leaves with an apologetic goodbye. 

Magnus is alone with his thoughts, he doesn’t know how to even begin processing. Alec liked him, actually liked him. And it wasn’t as though Magnus had hidden much of his true self from Alec, he had been open and honest with him from the start. How had this happened?

Instead of dwelling on the how, Magnus channels all his emotions into planning for his lyrical piece. Within half an hour he was absolutely certain that he had selected the right song to perform.

***

Magnus sat in class, body exhausted from the morning rehearsals and mind from worry. It was Tuesday and he still hadn’t heard anything from Alec, so his mind came up with the only logical conclusion that it could- Alec had changed his mind and now didn’t want to face him. He stretches his back only to immediately regret the movement as his ribs screamed in pain. He was right about avoiding Asmodeus only making things worse- he had lasted up until this morning without seeing his father. He wasn’t quite sure exactly how he had managed to dance with severely bruised, almost definitely cracked ribs. But now his mind was less focused on other things the intensity of the pain was beginning to get to him. 

He soon realised that his efforts to try and follow the lecture were futile. He pulls out his phone to try and find some way of getting his mind off the pain only to notice that he had received two texts that morning. His heart races as he sees that they are both from Alec. 

Hey Magnus, sorry it’s taken me a couple of days but I was thinking that maybe you’d like to go on that date tonight? I could pick you up at 7.40?

That is of course so long as you still want to?

Magnus swallows, it is really going to happen. But a date tonight would mean that he wouldn’t have enough time to go home and change his clothes. That was no reason to decline though. 

Tonight sounds perfect, I will see you then.

Magnus just prayed that the spare clothes he kept on campus would be enough to make himself ready for a date. 

***

Magnus had just finished blocking out a new section when he notices his phone vibrate and light up. He walks over to the table and sips on some water as he reads and answers the text. 

Hey, just to let you know I got here a little early so I’ll be waiting for you in the car park when you are ready- no hurry though. 

Before Magnus can overthink anything, he asks Alec if he wanted to sit in on rehearsals while he finishes up. Upon hearing Alec’s affirmation Magnus sends him directions and then gets back to running things through from the top. 

Just as Magnus begins another run through the doors open behind him and he spots Alec entering the hall. He continues to dance but his eyes are tracking Alec’s movements in the mirror as he makes his way to sit at the table at the front of the hall. He tries his best to mask any pain felt and pushes himself to carry on through until he has reached the end of where he has choreographed to so far.

Panting, in part from how much effort but also from pain, Magnus makes his way over to the table Alec had settled at. He switches off the track before turning to face Alec. “I just need to do a couple of run throughs for person B’s choreography. You okay to wait?”

Alec nods, “of course. It is me that’s early after all. That looked pretty good by the way, how long have you been working on it?”

“Since Sunday.” Alec’s eyebrows shoot up causing Magnus to chuckle. “Do you mind?” He hands Alec his iPod.

“Not at all,” Alec smiles and waits for Magnus to get in position before pressing play. 

The part for person ‘B’ still felt a little off and Magnus knew that the main missing piece was lifts- but unless he had someone to work with developing the lifts he wasn’t sure exactly how to go about trying to incorporate them. 

As he signals Alec to restart the track Magnus tries harder to imagine dancing with a partner; he easily finds where a lift would fit well but is at a total loss of what lift to even contemplate. 

Feeling as though he was beginning to hit a brick wall Magnus decides to call it a day. He walks over to where Alec is to collect his things with a frown on his face. “Is everything okay?” Alec’s eyes scan his face. 

The worry in Alec’s eyes almost breaks him. “Yeah I’m just struggling a bit to come up with ideas for what lifts to put in.”

“I know this really isn’t my place, so feel free to say no, but maybe some time I could help you with that?”

“You seriously want to help?” Alec only nods donning a shy smile. “I would love that providing that it’s not too much trouble for you?”

“No trouble at all.”

“Thank you. Now I’m going to hit the shower quickly so that you can take me on that date.”

Having showered, Magnus winces as he pulls his top on, the sight of his bruising in the shower combined with nerves about the date with Alec had caused his stomach to violently empty what little food he had eaten for lunch. Thankfully alongside a change of clothes, Magnus had managed to find some painkillers. Unfortunately the lack of sustenance in his stomach meant it was pointless to take any now; but he ensured that he had them with him to take with food later. 

He was feeling guilty of how long he had already made Alec wait so he forces himself out of the room to meet Alec. 

“Wow you look…” Alec’s eyes scan over Magnus as he contemplates the end of the sentence. “Stunning,” he finally breathes. 

“Thank you,” a slight blush appears on Magnus’ cheeks. “The same could be said for you.”

Alec leads them to his car; the journey is mostly spent in silence as both men feel their nerves build. Magnus can’t help but to feel pathetic and foolish at being so nervous. After all the time he had spent with Alec, all the things he had shared; it’s like he had hit a brick wall of nervous energy the second their date had initiated. 

As Alec parks Magnus hears him take a deep, shaky breath. Magnus takes off his seat belt, wincing as the movement pulls across his rib cage and turns slightly towards Alec. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Alec smiles. “I know it’s ridiculous, but I feel really nervous; this is the first actual date I’ve been on,” he admits. 

“I feel nervous too.” They both share a look before breaking into laughter. 

Seemingly broken from his nerves Alec squeezes Magnus’ knee, “come on, it’s not really much of a date if we spend the time in my mom’s car.”

“There are worse places,” Magnus jokes. Relieved that the tension had completely dissolved and gone away. 

Alec had made a reservation at a cosy little Italian place. Magnus was slightly shocked and in awe at the preparation Alec had done. They were seated by a window with a lovely view of the city. As Magnus looks across the table at Alec, he still wasn’t convinced that this was real; but the pain screaming in his body confirmed that it was. 

Within a few minutes they had decided upon what they were having for dinner, Magnus playing it safe with a simple pasta dish while Alec chose a chicken-based dish. Conversation comes easily and remains light, Alec talking about his siblings and Magnus discussing dance. 

As the meal comes to an end, reluctantly they agree to call it a night. “Can I offer you a lift home?”

“That would be lovely,” Magnus smiles. Alec rises from his seat and stands before Magnus, offering his hand. After a brief hesitation he takes up the invitation. Alec helps Magnus to his feet then entwines their fingers; holding his hand in a warm, comforting grip. Magnus feels his heart racing as they walk to the car, a rush of exhilaration and anxiety. This was the first time he had ever properly held hands with anyone in public. 

As they reach the car Alec stops. He brings their hands up in a slow yet deliberate movement. Magnus’ brain short circuits as Alec presses his lips to his hand. He moves almost robotically unable to coherently think or speak as Alec opens the car door for him. 

“Thank you for tonight, I had fun,” Alec says as he starts the car and begins driving towards Magnus’. 

“As did I,” Magnus smiles, relaxing as best he can into the car seat with the pain in his ribs only slightly dulled by the painkillers he had hastily taken during dinner while Alec had popped to the toilet. 

“Good,” Alec quickly shoots him a dopey smile before turning his attention back to the road. 

It doesn’t take long to reach the road Magnus lives on. Alec parks the car a little before the house and Magnus appreciates the silent understanding of wanting to be out of sight of Asmodeus. They both unclip their seatbelts and turn towards one another, Magnus unable to keep the pain from shooting across his face despite his best efforts. 

Alec places a gentle hand on Magnus’ arm, “where does it hurt?”

Magnus chews on his lip in contemplation before giving in to Alec’s worried eyes. “My chest.”

“Will you show me?”

The instant reaction to that question is panic, but the feeling of warmth where Alec’s hand touches his arm calms him. He doesn’t know why he nods his head in agreement, even less why he slowly lifts his top for Alec to see. 

Alec sucks in a breath through his teeth. Maintaining eye focus with Magnus he leans in slightly hesitantly. He lightly traces along the bruising, grimacing as he realises the extent of the injury. He reaches into the pocket on the back of the passenger seat and pulls out a small medical box. “Here, it’s not much but I assume I can’t convince you to seek medical assistance.” Magnus nods in affirmation. Alec hands him some Arnica cream, “apply it four times a day. It can’t heal the damage to the ribs, but it can help with bruising and pain.”

Magnus takes the offered cream, eyes swimming with emotion, “thank you.” He looks down at his lap, fiddling with the gifted cream unsure what else he can do or say. 

“I really wish I didn’t have to let you go back in there,” Alec’s voice is a whisper, only just breaking the stillness of the car. 

Without thought Magnus grips Alec’s hand in his and smiles sadly. “It’s okay, really. Hopefully once I graduate, I can be free of him.” 

“You are such a strong, incredible person.” Alec’s eyes go wide, and Magnus immediately realises that he hadn’t meant to say that out loud. 

Magnus merely shakes his head, “I don’t know about that. Unfortunately, what I do know is that- despite how much I may want to- we can’t stay in this car all night.” Alec hums with sad agreement. “Thank you for taking me out.”

As they look into one another's eyes Alec wets his lips with his tongue causing Magnus to almost lose it. Their hands were still clasped together, and Magnus longed to lean forward and close the gap. As Magnus almost gives in, Alec looks away, body suddenly tense. Magnus furrows his brows, “everything okay?”

Alec laughs, “better than okay.” He shoots a large smile at Magnus. His look changes to shyness. “Do you think it would be okay if I kissed you?”

Magnus blushes. How did he tell Alec he wanted nothing more than to fall into his arms and kiss until the world melts away without sounding desperate or cliché? But it didn’t matter, the physiological effects of Alec’s question had stopped his ability to talk. He can only nod and lean slightly towards the other man, allowing Alec to close the gap. Magnus feels as though he can’t breathe, and his heart is about to give out at the anticipation of what was about to happen. 

Magnus’ eyes flutter shut as Alec’s lips ghost against his; he has to fight a moan as Alec brings one hand to his neck and presses their lips together. Magnus feels as though an electrical current is surging through his veins as he loses himself to Alec’s lips. He can’t help but shudder as Alec lightly runs his tongue across his bottom lip.

As they pull away, both panting, Alec leans their foreheads together. Magnus’ brain has short-circuited meaning he couldn’t begin to process how that felt or what it meant even if he wanted to. But right at that minute he was happy just being so close and in that moment with Alec. 

Alec pulls away slowly, his thumb flicking across Magnus’ jawline a couple of times before he withdraws his hand. “Can I take that as a sign you might be up for considering a second date?”

Magnus beams, “I would love to.” With a careful hug goodbye Magnus finally brings himself to leave the car. It’s only when he reaches his front door that he realises just how exhausted he is. For the first time in years Magnus is asleep mere seconds after his head hits the pillow. 

Chapter Text

Putting his bag into the locker, Magnus sighs. While he had been looking forward to the contemporary workshop all week, now that it was actually here he was scared. Fear that he was going to struggle to take to the style, that he would make a fool of himself. He had to be on top form for this, he needed it for his assignment. 

As he enters the dance hall, he immediately spots Lorenzo talking to a slightly taller blond man. Lorenzo briefly breaks from his conversation to instruct Magnus to sit at the front of the room. Magnus waits in silence as he is gradually joined by the other seniors. Once everyone is seated Lorenzo claps his hands together and strides to stand in front of them. “I am pleased that you have all seized the opportunity and attended today. Let me introduce you to your teacher for this workshop. He is a world-renowned choreographer, as such I am certain that each of you are familiar with his work. The phenomenal Andrew Underhill.”

Underhill stands next to Lorenzo and shoots them a warm smile. “Today I am going to teach you a mid-level routine that encompasses some of the more iconic moves in contemporary. But before we get into that, with the help of Lorenzo, I am going to show you the reason that I became world known. Now what I wish to perform for you is originally a seven-and-a-half-minute piece; but today you will just be seeing a two-and-a-half-minute snippet.” 

Lorenzo and Underhill move into the centre of the hall. They get into a starting position where Lorenzo is knelt on the floor with Underhill stood behind, his hands gripping Lorenzo’s shoulders. Lorenzo gestures at Elias for him to press play. As the music starts, Magnus’ breath catches in his throat as he immediately recognises the piece as one he had been studying and using for inspiration- Understanding by Evanescence. 

"You hold the answers deep within your own mind.
Consciously, you've forgotten it.
That's the way the human mind works:
whenever something is too unpleasant,
to shameful for us to entertain, we reject it.
We erase it from our memories.
But the imprint is always there."

Underhill immediately begins moving with an air of grace, elegance and purpose. As the lyrics begin Lorenzo is brought to life by the touch of Underhill. They glide across the room with a mixture of intricate movements, ornate balances and breath-taking lifts. It was clear to the students that Lorenzo was a little out of his comfort zone as Underhill raises him effortlessly off of the floor and above his head. Nonetheless, he is able to give a stunning performance. As the sections ends, they are met with applause; Magnus cannot help but to notice as the two men gaze into each other's eyes for a fraction longer than what would necessarily be deemed normal. The glimmer of hope that maybe his sexuality won’t hinder his future is instantly squashed by anxiety and his mind helpfully saying that he’s probably making it up. 

It’s one thing to watch a performance like that recorded, and another entirely different thing to have it performed right in front of you. Even without any costumes, lighting or special effects it still touched Magnus and shook him right to the core. This, this is what I want to achieve one day; I want to create this feeling in others watching my work.

Underhill wastes no time in getting them warmed up and started. Magnus was then paired up with Maia while Cat is paired with Elias for the lifts in the piece. Underhill teaches them choreography to My Immortal by Evanescence with a focus on control, lines and emotion. As the workshop nears its end they are taken to the auditorium. As the seniors enter the stage Magnus spots the choreographers from the previous workshops, alongside Lorenzo,  Underhill and a few other teachers. 

The performance wasn’t perfect, but for once criticism was something Magnus wanted. He needed to be better at the showcase, no matter how much the words stung to hear, everything was going to be taken on board and utilised. As they get dismissed Magnus manages to get one last bit of advice and leaves with his head full of ideas for his lyrical choreography. 

***

Magnus closes the door behind himself and pulls out his phone. He scrolls through his message history with Alec, a small smile gracing his lips. He stops when he finds the address of a hall that Izzy had reserved, his stomach coils with nerves as he double checks the route. Today he was going to meet Alec’s sister. He was grateful that Alec and Izzy had agreed to help him with his lyrical dance; but his anxiety was adamant that it was a bad idea. Besides, Alec was introducing him to his sister, family. Someone Alec cared more about than anything else in the world. What if Izzy made him see that Magnus isn’t good enough, not worth it? 

By the time he reaches the hall his bottom lip has started to bleed from it being worried so much by his teeth on route. He sends Alec a quick text letting him know that he has arrived and begins pacing. He’s brought to an abrupt stop when the metal door swings open and hits the wall with a crash. 

Alec winces, “Sorry, and uh..hi.” Alec runs his hand through his hair and Magnus cannot help but to be drawn in by his concern and apprehension. 

“Hi yourself,” Magnus smiles, anxiety fading at the sight of the other man. He longs to wrap Alec in his arms, hold him close and revel in the moment. 

Alec tentatively reaches for Magnus’ hand, Magnus raises his hand a little to meet Alec’s. As Alec interlocks their fingers Magnus feels his skin tingle, from his hand all the way up his arm. Alec speaks with a quiet voice as he traces his thumb across the back of Magnus’ hand. “Are you sure you’re okay to be doing lift work today?”

Magnus nods and swallows, “yeah I should be fine. The cream you gave me has really helped. I just have to make sure I don’t twist wrong.”

Alec grabs him gently by both shoulders and looks him in the eye, “you promise to tell me if it hurts and you need to stop?”

“I promise.” Alec’s gaze lingers a few seconds longer until convinced that Magnus would let him know. 

Alec’s hand slides down Magnus’ arm, he squeezes Magnus’ hand. “You ready to meet Izzy?” 

Magnus releases a breath and nods, too overcome with anxiety to speak. Alec gently tugs on his hand and leads him to the door, he breaks the hold as he closes the door. As they walk across the hall Izzy turns at the sound of their footsteps and walks to meet them. “You must be Magnus,” before he has a chance to respond he finds himself pulled into a hug. 

As he is released somehow Magnus manages to find his voice, “Isabelle, I want to thank you for agreeing to help me with this.”

She waves off his thanks and cuts straight to the chase “Now Alec has told me that you’re choreographing a lyrical piece to skinny love?”

“Yeah, that’s correct.”

“And that as street is your usual genre you would like some help with lifts in particular?”

Magnus nods, “I recorded our rehearsal yesterday so that I could show you where I’m at and hopefully give you the gist of what I’m after.” He fishes a memory stick out of his pocket as Izzy leads them over to the laptop. 

As they watch the rehearsal Magnus fiddles with his fingers, suddenly worried that they would hate what he had been working on. “Firstly, I think you’re doing great so far. And secondly I definitely have a few lift suggestions that I think would fit perfectly. Izzy turns the laptop more towards herself and accesses her performance archive. She pulls up a few videos and lays one beside the footage of Magnus’ rehearsal before turning the laptop back central so that they could all see is clearly. “So for this first bit here,” she hits play part way through Magnus’ piece, “I think that this lift, providing you can get it right, which I’m sure you can, will be perfect.” She hits play on one of her own. For a brief second Magnus’ eyes go wide as he sees the complexity of the lift, Izzy repeats the clip of the lift a few times in order to allow Magnus to properly assess the viability and suitability of it. It would involve him teaching his junior to not only trust him, but to allow their body to get lifted above his head and spun around. He images the part of song in his mind and has no doubt that he would push himself to ensure that this lift made it into the piece. 

Izzy went through a total of ten lift ideas, all of different complexities and skill levels. “So, what do you think?”

“They are all amazing, are you sure that you don’t mind teaching them all to me? Baring in mind that I will need to know how the lift works for both people as I will need to be able to instruct my junior to ensure their safety.”

Izzy grins, “great lets get to it then.” She shrugs off her jacket and moves to the centre of the space. Wordlessly Alec is at her side ready and waiting for instructions. “If we do the lift once at normal speed, then we will slow it down and talk it through step by step as many times as you need to feel confident to give it a try. We’ll start as you being the one doing the lifting and go from there if that’s okay?” 

“Sounds perfect, thank you.”

“Okay so we’ll start with the easiest and work up to the first one that I showed you.” With a nod in agreement from Magnus they effortlessly move into the first lift. 

As they repeat it a second time at half the speed Magnus is not only astounded by the strength in Alec, but also at how it was him that was explaining each step of the lift. Every little position of his hands, how he was planting his feet. 

Once Magnus was easily lifting Isabelle in each of the five techniques, they went back to Alec and Izzy demonstrating but this time it was Isabelle detailing what was needed to be done. Magnus chewed on his bottom lip anxiously as he watched them, worried about forcing Alec into lifting him; his sister was one thing, Magnus on the other hand was considerably heavier and larger, both in height and width. As Izzy takes a step away Magnus looks into Alec’s eyes, “are you sure you’re okay doing this?” he searches for even the smallest hint of doubt. 

Alec nods, “if I can lift Jace, who has as much grace and elegance as a cow on ice. Then I know that I can lift someone as capable and talented as yourself.” 

Izzy chuckles at the comment as Magnus tries to hide his blush but finds no reason to doubt that Alec was being truthful. The first time was anything but graceful, but after the first little hiccup Magnus relaxed into Alec’s hold and focused on his core.

After a couple of goes of each lift Isabelle excuses herself due to having other plans. Magnus heads over to the side to get a drink of water, as he turns back he sees Izzy walking away with a wink. He can’t help but to notice a slight blush creep over Alec’s face. Magnus smirks and raises an eyebrow at him, “seems as though I may have missed something interesting?” 

Alec groans and comes to lean against the wall by Magnus, immediately changing the subject. “We have this booked for another half hour, I am happy to stay here as long as you are. My only other plans for today aren’t until this evening.” 

“If you’re sure you don’t mind then there’s something I would like to try?” Alec nods, “I want to run through the piece and try to slot the lifts in, if you’re alright with that?”

“Sure,” Alec smiles, “just forgive me if I don’t quite get the timing right.”

“How about I say the lift number four counts before the lift is due?” 

“I can work with that,” the beam Alec gives is contagious. Magnus sets the track up with a smile on his face and has to fight it off in order to get into the mood of the song. Alec hits play for him and he begins to work through his choreography, Alec waiting patiently just off to the side ready to step forward at any moment, but not to close as to get in the way of Magnus’ movements. “Two,” Magnus states calmly but clearly, Alec takes four paced steps to meet him and they easily transition into the lift. Once back on the floor Alec steadily backs away again as Magnus continues. Magnus’ next section causes him to travel almost entirely over to the other side of the hall. 

“Ten,” Alec has to stride across the space, the momentum causing the lift to naturally hold more energy and emotion. The start of the end of the lift requires Alec to pause in lowering Magnus whilst he is still held around chest height.  Their eyes lock. Magnus feels his breath catch in his chest, it’s as if the music stills for a few seconds, nothing exists but the depths of Alec’s eyes and his strong arms holding Magnus flush against his chest. But the end of the movement involves Alec sharply letting him go, as Magnus’ feet touch the floor time reverts back to normal. This time Alec moves away with a hand still extended out, he doesn’t get chance to go far before Magnus says the next number, “three.” 

For lift three Magnus wraps his arms around Alec’s neck as he gets spun with his legs held by Alec’s right arm. Their faces are barely an inch apart as Alec stills, as Alec bends his left knee and draws Magnus lower to the ground their noses brush. Electricity shoots through Magnus and with that, the sound of the track floats away as he can resist no more; he slowly moves to close the gap, gaze steadily locked. Tentatively Magnus’ brushes his lips against the other mans, for once his chaotic mind silenced by the sound of his racing heartbeat. As Magnus’ eyes slip shut he feels Alec press his lips more firmly against his own. Carefully he feels Alec lower his legs, they wobble slightly with emotion as his body is pulled flush to Alec’s. 

By the time the kiss ends both men are breathless and clinging onto one another to stay upright. Magnus rests their foreheads together and pants with a grin. Alec breathes out a laugh before quietly speaking, “don’t think I won’t be pissed if I hear about you doing that with your actual dance partner.”

Magnus chuckles, “jealous already?” he teases with a serious look. As the look breaks both find themselves falling into laughter. As it subsides Magnus feels his anxiety bubble back, “but seriously though, you have no worries about that. There’s no one else that I want to be doing that with.” 

“Good,” Alec beams, “I would hate to have to fight someone off for your affections.” he winks. This causes them to fall back into laughter. 

Once they manage to regain composure Magnus returns to work mode, “one last run through with me?” Alec agrees. 

This time they managed to get through the content without getting distracted, the suspense wasn’t so intense now that they had shared that one special moment together. But Magnus longed to just quit practising and pin Alec against the wall. He wanted to just lose himself like that for eternity. One run through of restraint came pretty easy for Magnus though, after all he was a master of controlling himself, body and emotions alike. 

As they grab their stuff and leave the hall Magnus makes the mistake of checking his phone. Any ideas he had at spending more time with Alec diminished. Magnus reads through a string of texts he had received from Ragnor, Raphael and Cat and realised that there was no way he would be able to turn them down. Not without them causing him a headache over it for months to come. He turns to Alec with an apologetic smile, “looks like I’ve got to go. Apparently there’s some big drama happening with my friends.” he rolls his eyes theatrically. “Can I walk you anywhere first?” 

“Well that surely depends on the general direction that you are headed?” 

Magnus vaguely points towards the right, “that general direction. Yourself?”

“Alas I’m heading home which is more of that kind of direction,” he copies Magnus’ vague gesture but points more in front of their current position. “So I guess this is goodbye then.”

Magnus tries not to show his sadness at that, “thank you so much for today. You and Isabelle have been incredible. I am very lucky to have your help.”

Alec smiles, “you’re welcome, just don’t ever tell Jace about it. Can’t have him thinking that I actually enjoyed helping in a dance rehearsal.” 

Magnus lights up a little, “so you enjoyed it then?”

“Yeah it was fun,” Magnus watches as Alec’s tongue flits across his lip. “But the pleasure came more from the company than the activity. I wouldn’t want J-Jace to get the-the wrong idea.” Alec moves a step closer as he speaks, the question clear in his eyes. Magnus simply takes hold of his hand and tugs him closer. Unsure where his boldness came from, but sure as hell not complaining as he finds himself making out with Alec.

With one last peck Magnus finds the strength to say goodbye. They reluctantly head their separate ways, Magnus looking back after a few paces still not quite believing that everything between Alec and himself was truly real and happening. 

Chapter Text

Magnus stares at the running order, pre-show nerves starting to bubble up under the surface. And this time, this time he knew Alec was there, alongside his sister and brother. They had text briefly before hearing the five-minute warning before curtain up. By some cruel idea of Lorenzo’s, he would once again be closing the show, only this time he had no idea if the performance was going to come across as powerful as he had imagined it to be. It was out of his comfort zone but secretly it was the performance he was looking forward to the most. 

Winter showcase running order

We Come Alive (Jason Tarver, Lucy Underhill, Marc Williams)
Performed by: Full cast 
Choreographed by: Lorenzo Rey 
Style: Street
Shape of you (Ed Sheeran)
Performed by: Maia Roberts, Maureen Garnett, Gretel Monroe, Bat Velasquez
Choreographed by: Maia Roberts 
Style: Jazz
Invincible (Ruelle)
Performed and Choreographed by: Elias Bala, Magnus Bane, Catarina Loss, Maia Roberts
Style: Street
Straight Shooter (Skylar Gray)
Performed by: Duncan Armstrong, Floretta Camp, Maureen Garnett, Heidi McKenzie, Gretel Monroe, Bat Velasquez
Choreographed by: Catarina Loss, Elias Bala 
Style: Street
Glass House (Morgan Sain)
Performed by: Full Cast
Choreographed by: Magnus Bane, Maia Roberts 
Style: Street
In My Veins (Andrew Belle)
Performed by: Catarina Loss, Floretta Camp, Gretel Monroe 
Choreographed by: Catarina Loss 
Style: Ballet

INTERMISSION

Good Nights (Whethan)
Performed and Choreographed by: Elias Bala, Magnus Bane, Catarina Loss, Maia Roberts
Style: Street
Carry You (Ruelle)
Performed by: Elias Bala, Duncan Armstrong, Maureen Garnett, Heidi McKenzie, Bat Velasquez
Choreographed by: Elias Bala 
Style: Latin
Holding out for you (Schier & Lizzy Land)
Performed by: Full Cast 
Choreographed by: Elias Bala, Magnus Bane 
Style: Street
Hymn 21 (Colouring)
Performed by:  Duncan Armstrong, Floretta Camp, Maureen Garnett, Heidi McKenzie, Gretel Monroe, Bat Velasquez  
Choreographed by: Catarina Loss, Maia Roberts
Style: Street
Lovely (Billie Eilish & Khalid)
Performed by: Elias Bala, Magnus Bane, Catarina Loss, Maia Roberts 
Choreographed by: Andrew Underhill
Style: Contemporary
Skinny Love (Birdy)
Performed by: Magnus Bane, Floretta Camp
Choreographed by: Magnus Bane
Style: Lyrical

With a nod from Lorenzo they enter the wings and take to their starting places, Magnus alone on stage while the rest of his peers await in the wings for their time to enter. Smoke covers the bottom of the stage as the track begins, the curtain slowly rises and as the lighting illuminates the stage in a hue of blue Magnus feels all of his nerves disappear. With the lyrics kicking in he begins to move, not even having to worry about remembering the choreography as each movement feels right and easily flows into the next. As he breaks into the wing waiting for the next section that requires him to enter the stage, he reminds himself how he isn’t going to critique himself tonight. Tonight he was just going to remember what it is he loves about dance, and even though not all of the pieces were his forte he knew that he could still get immense enjoyment and a feeling of belonging as he portrays all the hard work from the past few months. 

He shoots Maia a wink at the end of the performance as he heads off for a quick costume change leaving her to perform her Jazz piece. He gets back in the wings within 30 seconds and cannot help but be in awe at how well Maia has taken to the style; her performance is full of joy and she looks totally comfortable out there with the juniors. 

As he takes to the stage for the next number, he takes a moment to look at the audience; it was packed. He had been told where Alec was sitting and so for this track, he knew exactly were to project his performance towards. A slight flitter of dread rises in him as it nears a complicated lift with Maia, but before he can dwell on the feeling the lift has come and gone, totally nailed. 

For the next performance he holds Cat tightly against his side as she beams with pride as she watches the juniors performing something she had created. But as the track nears the end, he can feel the nerves filling her body. She had been dreading closing the opening half with her ballet performance- he didn’t know the full details, but she had come out in tears after the midway performance to Lorenzo. Since then he had barely seen her as she pushed herself hard to perfect the piece and before long all the hard work would be over. “You’re going to be amazing,” he whispers in her ear and presses a kiss to her cheek. 

Cat returns the gesture, “thank you Magnus. I just wish I could stop shaking.” She holds out her hand, it trembles despite her best efforts of keeping it still. Before anymore could be said the juniors receive applause symbolising the end. 

Glass House was Maia’s and his baby. When Lorenzo had given them this song to choreograph to they initially thought that it was some sort of joke. But after a few listens they realised it was an absolute blessing. This song would allow for them to become overpowered by emotions, and the slow steady pace was a brilliant precursor to Catarina’s ballet. It was nice to dance to a different rhythm, with a different flow to the body. The contrasting movements, sharp and quick giving way to slow and delicate, that the song allowed felt even more incredible with the full lighting effects and being in front of a live audience. As they hold their ending position, Magnus genuinely believes for the first time that he is more than a one genre performer, undeniably enjoying the contemporary style. 

Magnus watches from the wings with Maia and Elias as Cat absolutely flaws the audience with her transformation. To their untrained eyes the performance looks faultless, elegant, controlled and yet so powerful. As the curtain lowers, they rush on stage to embrace Cat. She collapses into them and feels as though a weight had been lifted. They were all buzzing for the second half. 

The four seniors let loose and have fun as they fall back into street and open the second half. It’s an upbeat track that allows them all to showcase their own unique talents and show to the world how they can each own the stage. The next few numbers are over within a flash and before he knows it, it's the penultimate track. Magnus feels his legs begin to shake as the number draws closer to the end. He has no real time to prepare for his piece as he has to rush off the stage, quickly change into the correct costume and run around the back of the stage to be in place for the start of the track. 

The stage is black, Magnus takes his position in the back stage left corner. Fear floods his veins, what if he messes up? What if one of the lifts goes badly wrong? What if Alec hates it? Dread hits his stomach as he feels insecure in his costume, he was wearing linen white trousers and nothing else. His body bare and on show, made worse by Alec being in the audience- what if it was too much for him? The opening note floods the room and Magnus begins to move, two steps backwards dragging the toes of the non-leading foot before turning to face the front for two more steps as he is now joined by Floretta who mimics his walk. 

As the lyrics begin, he lets his body be driven by what they are saying; the depression and anxiety he had been feeling throughout his life is now laid bare on the surface as the room is silent aside from the gentle tones of the music. 

Come on skinny love just last the year, pour a little salt we were never here. 

As Floretta leans backwards into him, Magnus catches her with a firm hand on her back as he arches backwards with her, his left arm coming to wrap around her front only for a second before it falls back to his side as she springs away from him. As she goes into some floor work, Magnus does a couple of different leaps before meeting her at the other side of the stage. 

Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer. I tell my love to wreck it all.

Her hands planted on the floor, her right knee bent and left leg extended up into the air. This was it, the first lift. He grips her ankle and aids her up and into his arms as he spins three times. 

Cut out all the ropes and let me fall. Right in the moment this order's tall. 

Placing her on the floor in front of him, with deliberate movements he wraps each arm in turn around her waist before entering the second lift- his most dreaded. In his lift he brings her up above his head before lowering to sit across his chest, he then has to appear to drop her, letting her fall onto the floor upside down. Floretta gracefully exits the lift in a cartwheel and effortlessly flows into the next movement. Once again Floretta is doing some beautiful floor movements while he contrasts her above. 

And I told you to be patient, and I told you to be fine. I told you to be balanced, and I told you to be kind. In the morning I’ll be with you, but it will be a different kind. 

As the chorus starts, they show off a blend of partner work and carefully controlled balanced movements. They begin with an arabesque before Floretta falls back onto Magnus, both with a foot raised from the ground. They spring apart to enter the attitude position, Magnus pulling from his core as his arms and legs find the perfect lines and hold in place for a couple of beats. They come back together, her back against him as she wraps her arms around his neck. Magnus moved them both backwards as Floretta lets her feet drag. They break into another lift that ends with them being side on to the audience. Once again Magnus wraps his arms around her, body leaning over hers as her stomach sharply contracts inwards with the movement of his hands towards her abdomen.

‘Cause I’ll be holding all the tickets, and you’ll be owning all the fines. 

Magnus moves first, arms raising as he circles wide back to facing the front, holding in place as Floretta mirrors his movements. 

Come on skinny love what happened here, suckle on the hope in light brassieres. Sullen load is full so slow on the split. 

They enter into a complex sequence of lifts, the whole section he pretty much owed credit to Alec and Izzy who had been brilliant at suggesting different lifts they could try and suggesting how to transition from one breath-taking lift into another. The section ends with them each retreating to their own side of the stage, turning slowly to face one another. Emotion clear on their faces for the whole audience to see. 

Who will love you, who will fight. And who will fall far behind. 

Floretta moves first and Magnus counters a few beats after. They begin to move the same before Magnus’ movements slow to half the speed of hers. 

Come on skinny love. My-my-my my-my-my my-my. 

They enter their last lift, her body wrapped around his chest, he has one hand free as he spins them travelling across to the other side of stage. With one heart-breaking look back, she leaves the stage and Magnus is left to finish up the piece. He falls onto his knees, desperation on his face and looks out into the audience. The track stops, the stage goes dark and the curtain comes down in front of him. 

He stays on his knees panting as he hears the crowd roar with applause, he did it. He grins as he realises that he hadn’t screwed up a single lift. But the grin instantly falls from his face as he rises and walks off stage and into the dressing room, no doubt Lorenzo would have something to say about his performance and he doubted that even half of it would be positive. 

***

As Magnus leaves the door having already had constructive yet mostly positive feedback from Lorenzo and the third degree from his father he spots Alec and his sister waiting for him in the car park. They have their backs to him and so don’t see him approach. As he gets closer, he begins to catch their conversation. 

“No but seriously, your boyfriend is hot and all but you really do need to tell him to eat more.”

“Izzy!” Alec chastises, he continues through gritted teeth, “firstly, ‘boyfriend’ is not a term either of us have used yet. And secondly you can’t say something like that. You have no clue what’s going on so please, just dial it down a little.”

“Alec, I didn’t mean,” Izzy’s eyes go wide with panic, “I only said that because I had assumed that he’d lost weight from all the hard work rehearsing. If I had any idea that there was more to it, I would never have made such a comment.”

Alec shoots her a look that expresses his feelings at her callousness which causes her to look away and notice Magnus walking towards her. She grabs hold of Alec’s shoulder and spins him to face Magnus, looking like a deer in headlights clearly worried about what Magnus may have heard. 

Alec goes to step forward and embrace Magnus but at the last second, he halts and holds out his hand instead. Confused, Magnus shakes his head. Alec nods behind him where Asmodeus had just come out of the building and Magnus had never felt more relieved. 

“Magnus you were incredible!” Izzy bounces over and embraces him. Magnus chuckles as he catches her with ease, squeezing her briefly before putting her back down onto the floor. 

“Thank you,” he dares a glance behind him and sees his father shooting daggers at him. He swallows, “do you think maybe we could walk somewhere?” 

With immediate understanding Alec nods and begins walking. Magnus dreads going home now that he had been spotted with the Lightwood children, but that could be a problem for later.

As they walk down the street, Izzy looks to the floor and speaks with a voice full of remorse, “Magnus… I know you heard what I said and I just want you to know how sorry I-”

“Enough,” Magnus shakes his head. “It’s forgotten about.”

As they round a corner Izzy stops walking having received a text, “you guys okay if I split?” They both nod in agreement, secretly happy as she leaves to be able to have some time alone together. 

Their feet take them to their special place, as soon as they are through the overgrown bush and out of sight Alec takes hold of his hand and brings their bodies close together. 

“So what did you think of the showcase?” Magnus mumbles, almost scared to hear the truth. 

“I have no words to describe how… perfect you were. The way you can captivate an audience and how you come alive on that stage.” Alec places his hand on Magnus’ cheek, “and your performance of Skinny Love had me on the edge of tears. It was beautiful and raw. There’s no denying that you were born to be on stage.” 

Magnus leans in slightly, searching Alec’s eyes for a sign not to kiss him. But Alec beats him to it. He finds himself wrapping his arms around Alec, their lips dancing together as Alec lowers his hand from his cheek to his neck. Its sweet and gentle. They break apart for a split second for breath before reconnecting, the kiss more passionate and fiery than any they had exchanged before. 

As the kiss ends Magnus goes to move away, embarrassed at the stirring in his body caused by the passion. But Alec refuses to let him, he pulls him close. Magnus blushes as he feels the hardness in his trousers press against Alec’s thigh, but Alec seems unphased. He tucks his head into Magnus’ neck and presses a delicate kiss there. 

Pulling away Alec’s face is lit up with a smile, “I am so lucky to have met you.” 

Magnus shakes his head, “it’s me who’s the lucky one.”

Alec chuckles then moves to sit by the base of the tree, the sun was beginning to set and the sky was alight with beautiful reds and pinks. Magnus sits next to him and Alec automatically wraps an arm around him. He lets out a shaking breath, “I’m sorry that you had to hear Izzy say those things.”

Magnus tenses and presses his eyes closed, realistically he knew that at some point in their...relationship? Could he call it a relationship yet? That he would have to face the truth with Alec, and his issues around eating related to his anxiety. He just hoped it could have been delayed longer. He can taste bile and just wants the ground to swallow him up. 

But Alec’s arms remain around him, holding him in comfort. “I’m no expert and I never want to claim to be. I do know that with everything you’re going through, things can get complicated and simple things that people don’t even think about doing can seem almost impossible. I am never going to force you to talk about these things. But I do want you to know that I am always here should you ever need to talk, should you ever want someone to understand. No judgement, just support.” He presses a kiss to Magnus’ temple and rests his head against his. 

Magnus isn’t sure how long they stay in silence for, but he’s sure as he reopens his eyes it had definitely gotten darker. “It’s not that I don’t want to be honest with you, I just-It’s just hard to talk about it.” His gaze fixes on the floor and he begins to tremble, “there’s just this horrible, ugly side of me that I don’t want to burden you with.”

“Magnus, no part of you is horrible or ugly. You’re beautiful. And when you’re hurting, I want to know so I can help you. I don’t want you to shut me out, I want you to be able to come to me and we can face everything together.” 

One look into Alec’s eyes is all it takes for him to break down. How was Alec always like this? Always so unwaveringly supportive and understanding? He grips hold of Alec’s top and buries his face into the material, the sobs wrack through his body. He takes reassurance in the sound of Alec’s heartbeat and the soft words being whispered into his hair. A delicate hand rubs across his back and slowly Magnus manages to compose himself. As he pulls away and furiously wipes his face, he feels embarrassed for breaking down and soaking Alec’s top. 

“I know what you’re thinking and don’t. Don’t apologise. I am here for you Magnus, I want to be there through it all, good and bad. If you’ll allow me to be?”

Just when he thinks Alec can surprise him no more, he goes and says that. Taking a deep breath Magnus looks Alec in the eyes, “can we talk about the other thing I heard Izzy say?” Alec nods in response as Magnus elaborates. “I-I know that we have only been on a few dates, and that things are complicated. But I-” Magnus’ voice drops to a whisper as he feels self-conscious, “I would love to be your boyfriend.” 

Alec presses a gently kiss to his lips before pulling away, grinning, “I would love that too. But...I get that you probably want to try and keep this from your father?” 

Magnus nods, “I know it’s cowardly but I just can’t-”

Alec silences him with finger pressed to his lips, “you are not a coward,” his voice is stern leaving no room for argument. “Your father is...well he is Asmodeus Bane.” They both chuckle. “But while we’re on the subject, there’s something I would like to tell you.” Magnus takes hold of Alec’s hands and waits patiently for Alec to continue, he isn’t left waiting long. “Last night I came out to my parents.”

Magnus searches Alec’s face to try and gauge how it went, but Alec was giving nothing away. “What made you decide to do it and how did it go?”

Alec chuckles, “well my mother made a comment about how there’s this girl at work that would be great for me,” he rolls his eyes. “And so I just decided that it was my opportunity to be honest, I mean all of my friends and siblings already knew. And as for how it went…” Alec drags his tongue across his lips. “My father, never being a man of many words, didn’t really say much, he kinda just shrugged and said while he couldn’t personally understand I was still the same son. My mother…” Alec laughs through his nose, “I wish I could’ve taken a picture of her face. She was a little hostile for the rest of dinner, but about an hour later she came to speak to me; the initial shock having worn off. She hugged me and even apologised about how her reaction must’ve come across. It’s painfully obvious that she would prefer things if I were straight, but at the same time she’s not one to give up on her family.” 

Magnus pulls Alec into a hug, feeling happy that Alec had been accepted by his family, giving him a slight glimmer of hope that not everyone in the world would look at him with disgust and anger. He feels a pang of pain at the knowledge of how different his own family would take him coming out, but none of them were important. None of them truly mattered, not in the way that Alec had grown to matter to him. 

“Who are you comfortable knowing about our relationship? I don’t want to tell anyone unless I know that you’re okay with them knowing.” Alec holds up his hand as a thought hits him, “although I’m not sure how much I could convince Izzy at this point that there’s nothing going on between us.”

Magnus chuckles, “no I can imagine not. And truthfully, I am happy for you to be able to talk to your friends and family about us. Just maybe…” Magnus chews on his lip, “would you mind helping me be able to tell my friends?” 

“Magnus you can have all the time you need, I don’t want you to feel rushed into this.”

Magnus shakes his head, “I want to tell them, I want to be able to be honest with them. And for the most part I know how it will go. There’s just one really that I have no clue how he’ll take it…” Magnus begins to tremble at the idea of rejection from one of his closest friends. 

Alec holds him close and presses a kiss to his temple, “I am happy to help you. Just tell me what I can do.” 

Magnus feels guilt hit him once again, “I’m sorry that I still won’t be able to be fully out in public-my father I dread to think what he would do. Especially if I were to publicly ‘tarnish his image’.” 

“Magnus, I have met your father. And it tears me up inside that everyday I have to let you go back to him, to live under his roof. You deserve so much better. I completely understand and I would never want to do something that could put you in danger.”

Magnus takes a moment to let the words sink in before doing a double take, “hold on a minute...you never told me that you’ve met him?”

Alec groans, “well on one of my shifts at the company, he came storming in and as the highest-ranking person there at the time I had the pleasure of dealing with him.” The sarcasm was clear in Alec’s voice. “Which does explain in part why he seemed extra pissed that you were talking to me earlier.”

Magnus buries his head in Alec’s neck and gulps, “thanks for the reminder that I have to go home and explain that to him.” 

“Speaking of going home...it’s getting very late, we should both probably start making our way home soon. Are you going to be okay?”

“Well I do have something that should appease my father enough to keep him from getting to worked up…”

“Oh?”

Magnus pulls something out of his pocket and beams at Alec, “I got my first official dancing job!”

“Magnus that’s amazing! I’m so proud of you” He squeezes Magnus tightly for a moment. “What’s the job?”

“Someone in charge of a big music video company saw me tonight and has a couple of projects in mind. I have a meeting with them set up a week Friday.” 

Unfortunately, the euphoria of sharing such amazing news alongside defining their relationship cannot last forever. Reluctantly they say goodbye and head home. Magnus fully braced for whatever mood his father was in.

Chapter Text

Magnus stares at his phone, he rocks nervously from foot to foot. He focuses on the photo Alec had just sent him, a reassuring smile with a thumbs up and the caption ‘you can do this’. This was it, today he was going to come out to the remainder of his friends and tell them about Alec. He had asked them all to meet at Cat’s place having spoken to her about it the day before. He knew that everyone was inside waiting for him, Cat had alerted him when the last of the group had arrived, wanting him to have a chance to prepare as much as possible for what he was walking into. 

As far as Cat’s family were concerned he was one of them, so there was no need to knock. All he had to do was let himself in and head upstairs to his friends room, and what made it easier was that he knew her parents were away for the weekend. The hard part? Ragnor. Out of all his friends Ragnor was the most unpredictable, he couldn’t help but think the worst. He hoped that Tessa would be okay about things, but how could he be sure? What if she was like his own mother? Magnus gulps, letting his mind spiral was not doing himself any favours. 

He sends a quick text to Alec that he was ‘going in’ before forcing himself through the door. His legs tremble as he climbs the stairs, his hands clench at his sides as he takes the few steps down the hall to Cat’s door. 

The door is already ajar, with one last shaky deep breath he enters the room. He finds everyone in their usual spots, Ragnor and Raphael sharing the small couch while Tessa and Caterina share the bed. He is met with a chorus of greetings as Cat moves over on the bed to create more space. Magnus settles between the two women and politely returns their greetings. 

“Is everything okay Magnus?” Tessa places a soft hand on his knee, her face full of concern, the same concerned look he had received many a time lately from each and every one of his friends. 

Magnus surprises himself, he actually manages to smile as he returns her gaze in order to answer, “yes.” He lets out a breath before continuing, moving his head to spend time looking at each of his friends as he speaks, knowing that if he didn’t just dive right into it he would back out and maybe never find the courage to go through with it. “Things are definitely looking up for me, as you all know I have had an amazing job offer following the showcase which is incredible in itself. But that’s not why I asked for you all to meet me here today.” He feels Caterina squeeze his knee and shoots her an appreciative smile. “I have some other news, and this is not easy for me to say. Particularly because before I can tell you the news there’s something I need to...confess or rather entrust you into knowing; and I just hope that it’s not going to change anything between us”

As he looks at Raphael he has no doubt that the other man has worked out where this might be going, “Magnus, you know that we’ll stand by you no matter what.”

“Raphael is right, I know that we don’t always come off as the warmest of people, but you’re family.” Ragnor stresses the word ‘family’ and Magnus understands the deep meaning in that. None of his friends had a traditional family set up, the closeness they had with each other was more than that of simply just sharing blood but a result of shared pain and experience. 

“And family loves unconditionally,” Tessa adds with a warming smile. 

Magnus fiddles with his fingers, he takes a deep breath and closes his eyes knowing that the words he was about to say could bring his entire world crashing down. He can feel that weight pressing down on his shoulders, a noose around his neck making the room close in on him and causing every breath a struggle. He opens his eyes and stares fixedly at his hands, time to face judgement. “I’m bisexual,” the word comes out broken and full of shame. His shoulders tense and a single second of silence feels like an eternity, as if all the air has been sucked out of the room. 

He feels Tessa press a kiss to the side of his head, Caterina’s hand is rubbing comforting circles on his back. “Oh Magnus, you sharing that with us in no way is going to change things. You are who you are, and that is the person we all love. If anything I just admire your strength and bravery for being able to share that with us. So thank you for letting us in.”

Tessa’s kind words break the tension in his body, he raises his head with watery eyes and sees the sincerity in her own. He forces himself to look over to Ragnor who had thus far remain silent; his face was unreadable as it so often was. But there was a softness to his eyes that Magnus almost missed. 

Ragnor lets out a laugh and stands, “you honestly believe that in all the many years I have known you that this would be what...news to me?” He drops to his knees in front of Magnus and takes hold of his hands, “my friend, I have always known that you have a big heart capable of seeing the best in anyone. You brought the best out in me remember?” He releases Magnus’ hand and returns back to the seat, “just please god spare me all the gory details of your sordid affairs, man or woman, I do not wish to hear what any of you get up to behind closed doors!” 

Raphael's face contorts, “I agree with Ragnor, some things we do not need to hear.” The group breaks into laughter at the banter and as relief hits Magnus feels the tears leave his eyes and fall down his face. Magnus goes to speak but Raphael holds up a finger and cuts him off, “don’t you dare go and thank us. No one needs to be thanked for being able to accept someone for who they are. The haters that can’t accept are not worth the time or effort to even thing about you hear me?”

“He’s right you know, but if anyone gives you any shit you come to us okay?” Tessa gives him a stern look and in that moment he feels lighter than ever, looking around at his friends and seeing true unconditional love and acceptance. His heart can barely take it. 

“Thank you, each of you. I can’t-” Magnus breaks off as he is overcome with emotion, eyes filling up to the point of almost spilling over. He shakes his head and gets back on track, knowing that he may as well get it all out in one go. “The other thing I wanted to tell you all was that…” Magnus swallows, “I have a boyfriend.”

Magnus immediately winces from the piercing shrieks let out by Cat and Tessa. Raphael shoots him a happying knowing smile, while Ragnor groans and reiterates about not wanting to hear the carnal details. 

Once everyone has calmed from the news Raphael clears his throat, “Magnus I hope you don’t mind if I take this opportunity to also share something about myself that I have been keeping hidden.”

Magnus shakes his head, in truth glad for the attention to be taken off himself to allow a moment to regain some sense of composure. 

“I’m a lesbien,” Caterina blurts out before Raphael has the chance to say anymore. 

Before anyone else gets the chance to react Ragnor speaks. “Okay I’m just going to outright ask this, am I the only hetersexual in the room?” Ragnor is met with a series of nods that quickly turn into laughter as Ragnor mumbles good heartedly to himself about being the only straight in the room. 

Before long they learn that Raphael is asexual and that Tessa doesn’t feel comfortable with any labels as she has yet to find one that fits her but does admit to feeling attraction to multiple genders. 

By the end  of the day Magnus feels almost a sense of euphoria; his friends had all grown closer that day. The only downside was now he had both Cat and Tessa to gang up on him about when they would be meeting Alec. 

He put his headphones in and begins the walk home with a smile on his face, maybe being different wasn’t so damning after all?