Chapter Text
Jungeun sighed as she looked up at the clock from her desk against the window, resisting a groan when it read 3:00. Still 30 minutes left until dismissal. The first 20 minutes had dragged by so slowly that she was convinced she’d aged a year since the arrival bell had rang.
It wasn’t that she didn’t enjoy the class, chemistry was her best subject after all, she was just buzzing for the first soccer practice of the season to start. It had been postponed the past two days due to the coach being ill, and Jungeun had missed the feeling of the wind against her face as she played.
But, she had to get through her class before any of that could happen. Snapping herself out of it, she tried her best to focus on whatever Ms. Ha had been lecturing all class. However, her eyes kept drifting to the back of a familiar head covered in jet black hair.
Jinsol.
Jungeun couldn’t help it, really, it was inevitable. Her eyes seemed to have minds of their own, and their favourite target happened to sit two rows forward and three seats to the right of her. Her first week of junior year hadn’t had many positives, what with soccer continually being cancelled and her new schedule kicking her ass already, but the one silver lining was that she shared a class with Jung Jinsol for the first time since freshman year.
Jungeun could recall the day vividly. Still bright eyed and bushy tailed, ecstatic to finally be starting high school, she walked into her second period chemistry class on the first day of school with a skip in her step. Barely through the door, however, the sight of the most beautiful girl she had ever seen had stopped her dead in her tracks. The girl was sitting casually at one of the high tables, gaze focused on something out the window, and Jungeun was floored.
Jungeun had known she was gay basically since she was in the womb, but every so often she’d see a girl and be reminded just how gay she really was. This was one of those girls.
Her blonde hair seemed to flawlessly flow down to her mid-back, straightened to perfection. Her brown eyes lost in thought as she watched their classmates outside. Her black outfit, ripped jeans and a leather jacket, looked as though it was designed specifically for her to wear. Her aura was captivating yet mysterious, and Jungeun instantly wanted to know everything about her.
There was a serious dilemma in her head at that moment. Does she sit next to the gorgeous girl and risk making a fool of herself right off the get-go, or does she play it safe and sit close enough that on a day that she was feeling more courageous, she could maybe start a conversation.
Before she had a chance to decide, the teacher came up from behind her and placed a hand on her shoulder.
“Hello! Welcome to chemistry! I’m Ms. Ha, and I’ll be your teacher for this year. What is your name so I can check you off the attendance?”
“J-Jungeun. Uh, Kim Jungeun,” Jungeun stammered out, eyes still flickering over to the mysterious girl by the window.
“Jungeun… Ah! There you are, perfect. It looks like I have you at seat 13, that’s at the back table there.” The teacher pointed to the same table that Jungeun had been not-so-subtly gaping at and her heart did a backflip.
“Here is your information package. Looking forward to a great year!” Ms. Ha concluded, with a 100 megawatt smile. Jungeun returned it as best she could, before she cautiously made her way towards her assigned table.
With every step, Jungeun became even more nervous. She had never thought of herself as a shy person or one to hesitate when making friends, but even from that moment Jungeun could tell that this girl was different. The vibe she gave off just sort of hit different, so to speak. She seemed much more composed and mature than one might expect a freshman, straight out of middle school and in the midst of puberty, to be.
After exhaling a deep breath and giving herself a quick pep talk, Jungeun sat down at the table, causing the girl to finally look her in the eyes. Any self-preparation went out the window when Jungeun met the gaze. It felt as though her brain had been turned to mush at seeing the beautiful face up close, and she was so mesmerized she didn’t catch a word the blonde had said to her.
“S- sorry, do you mind repeating that?” Jungeun sheepishly asked, trying to maintain eye contact.
“I’m Jinsol, looks like we are going to be lab partners this year. I hope you’re smart because I’m not so great at this kind of stuff,” Jinsol said as she gestured to the various beakers and test tubes on the lab bench they sat at.
Jungeun blinked, still adjusting to the way the light reflecting off of the girl’s eyes made them sparkle beautifully. Jinsol. It was suddenly the most beautiful name Jungeun had ever heard.
“Oh, yeah I’m alright.” Alright was an understatement. In the fifth grade, she successfully created her own table salt as a fun, after-school project. “I’m Jungeun, by the way.”
“Nice to meet you, it sounds like we’re going to get along just fine,” Jinsol smiled. Jungeun didn’t think her heart could take anymore, that smile almost killed her.
The teacher, Ms. Ha, loudly cleared her throat at the front of the room, and Jungeun was silently thankful for the interruption.
“Hello class! I hope you are all as excited as I am about this new school year! I know you are all freshman and may be a little scared of what is to come, but don’t worry, high school isn’t as bad as it seems.
“Unfortunately, it seems as though we have a couple of students who have transferred classes, so I’ll have to move your seatmates around. Hope you didn’t get too attached to each other!”
Jungeun’s eyes widened in panic. As much as the girl beside her made her more nervous than she had ever been, she’d take that over the possibility of not being her lab partner. Jinsol seemed like someone she wanted to get to know as much as she could.
“Let’s see… Taeyong has been left without a partner. Jinsol, can you move to his table please?”
Of course. Jungeun tried her best to hide her dismay as she heard a small groan beside her. She looked over at Jinsol, who didn’t seem to be too happy about moving either.
“Guess I’ll see you around, Jungeun,” Jinsol mumbled as she passed by. Hearing Jinsol say her name made Jungeun swoon a little, but that feeling was followed by disappointment as she watched Jinsol’s retreating figure sit beside some guy with weird hair.
After more shuffling around, everyone had new partners, Jungeun being stuck with some girl who wouldn’t stop talking named Yerim, and that was the first and only time Jungeun had talked to Jinsol throughout the following two years. Unless timid waves and cordial greetings when passing each other in the hallway counted, which Jungeun didn’t think did.
The dismissal bell interrupted Jungeun’s reminiscing, jolting her back to life in time to see Jinsol pack up her things and hastily exit the room. She always seemed as though she had somewhere else to be, and Jungeun has always been curious as to where that was.
Jungeun sighed again, wondering if she’d ever have a real excuse to get to know the girl she had been drooling over since that first day of high school.
Gathering her things, she followed her classmates out of the classroom and headed towards her locker.
“Aren’t you excited!”
Jungeun jumped a foot in the air as the cheerfulness of her best friend took her by surprise.
“Jeez Yerim I’m right beside you, no need to pierce my eardrums.”
Despite being disappointed she never got to be Jinsol’s lab partner, Yerim turned out not to be a terrible replacement. The two have been inseparable ever since they bonded over their shared excitement towards chemistry, Jungeun from an academic perspective and Yerim from the perspective of wanting to blow things up. It also helped that they were the only two freshmen at the time to make the varsity soccer team. They were definitely known around the school as a package deal.
“I know I’m sorry, I’m just so happy to be practicing again. And I’m so proud that you were named captain this year!” Yerim squealed in excitement, and Jungeun had to physically slow her down as they walked towards their shared locker.
“To answer your question, yes I’m excited, but also a little nervous. I still can’t believe I’m captain.” This was the first time in years that a junior had been made captain, so Jungeun was feeling the pressure a little bit. She knew she had a lot to live up to this year if she was to stay on course for her dream scholarship.
“Jungeun!”
Jungeun turned around to see her chemistry teacher Ms. Ha trailing behind them, trying to catch up to the girls.
“I meant to grab you after class but you are so speedy! I have to ask you something regarding our tutoring program.”
“Oh thank you, but I won’t need a tutor,” Jungeun said, curious as to why her teacher would think she would need extra help.
“Yes I know that silly, I’ve had the pleasure of giving you 100 on every assignment for the past two years. I was actually wondering if you’d like to be one of our tutors. You’d be assigned someone in your grade who is still struggling from last years concepts and who would benefit from getting extra help from one of their peers. What do you say?”
Ms. Ha gave Jungeun a pleading look, making it difficult for Jungeun to say no. She knew soccer was already a big commitment, but she also knew being a peer tutor would look great on her resume.
“Alright, I’ll do it.”
“Perfect! Thank you so much Jungeun, I’m sure it’ll be great. In fact, I already know who you’ll be paired with.”
“Oh yeah? Who is it?”
“Jung Jinsol.”
-
Jungeun was sitting in a more secluded corner of the library, her leg bouncing up and down at a mile a minute. She had arrived half an hour early to make sure everything was prepared for her first tutoring session with Jinsol, and to say the nerves were getting to her would be an understatement.
Jungeun didn’t think she had been this nervous for anything in her entire life. Even soccer tryouts couldn’t compare to the big ball of anxiety nestled in her stomach, making her feel like throwing up and passing out at the same time.
After Ms. Ha had informed Jungeun that she’d be tutoring the girl who was constantly on her mind, she almost retracted her acceptance on the spot. But the more rational part of her brain told her that it wouldn’t be a big deal, and that it didn’t matter who she was tutoring, the benefits were still the same.
Plus, it was only Jinsol. Jungeun could keep herself together for an hour and a half, right?
So, she reluctantly allowed Ms. Ha to schedule their first session, not knowing it would be the very next day. Jungeun had at least expected she’d have a couple days to mentally prepare, but she wasn’t even afforded that, with the excuse being that the two girls’ schedules only lined up on that day.
How Ms. Ha knew Jungeun’s soccer schedule, Jungeun wasn’t sure, but didn’t question it too much since she was more focused on the fact that she had less than 24 hours to gear herself up for her first tutoring session with her crush.
Jungeun had bought new sets of flashcards, pens, highlighters, and anything else she could think of that might come in handy. She even almost stopped to get snacks for the two of them before realizing that might have been a bit much. She’d laid out everything they would need on the large table in front of her, and all she had to do was wait for Jinsol to show up.
Their session was supposed to start at 4:00. It was 4:10 and Jungeun was starting to get a little concerned. She wished she had asked Ms. Ha for Jinsol’s phone number or email address or something, but she would never have had the guts to do that.
As the clock approached 4:30, Jungeun looked towards the entrance to the library one final time, and resigned to the conclusion that Jinsol wasn’t going to show up. Yes, she was nervous, but this was her one chance to actually talk to Jinsol in two years, and now Jungeun was sure that fate was not on her side with this one.
Right as she began packing up, a commotion near the entrance caused Jungeun to look up.
Stumbling in, knocking over a couple of stacks of books along the way, was Jinsol.
Her hair was completely windswept, her backpack half slung over one shoulder, and by the time she reached Jungeun’s table, she was completely out of breath. Jungeun couldn’t believe her eyes.
“I am so sorry I’m late, I had an appointment right before this that ran super late and I basically sprinted the whole way back to school,” Jinsol managed to get out, taking a couple of breaks to breath.
Jungeun laughed, finding the state the girl was in completely endearing.
“Its fine, you aren’t that late.” Half an hour late was pretty late, but Jungeun was just happy she showed up altogether.
“Well that isn’t true but I appreciate it. I hope we can still get some stuff done today? I seriously need the help.” Jinsol slumped into the chair across from Jungeun, taking out her notebook and pencil case. Both were black, as was her outfit, as usual. Jungeun guessed that must be her favourite colour.
It was only when Jinsol looked back up at Jungeun that Jungeun realized the situation she was in. Sitting directly across from Jinsol. Alone. Just the two of them. For another hour. Talking about chemistry. That little exchange was the longest conversation they’d had since they met.
“Y-yeah, why don’t we start with what you find the most confusing and go from there?” Jungeun had never tutored anyone before so, as smart as she was, she was worried she wouldn’t be very good at it. The fact that her first student was Jinsol only added to the pressure she was feeling.
“Is it bad if I say I think everything is confusing?” Jinsol replied shyly, finally looking away from Jungeun and instead focusing on her hands in her lap.
“No! No, of course not, I’m sorry,” Jungeun hastily apologized. Great start. “Let’s just start from the beginning then.”
The next hour went by fairly uneventfully. Jungeun slowly started to get the hang of explaining the concepts in a way in which Jinsol understood, but it turned out to be more difficult than expected. It wasn’t that Jinsol was dumb, honestly it was quite the opposite, but it seemed to be that her mind was always elsewhere. Jungeun had to remind her to stay focused more than she would have liked to, but once Jinsol was focused, she understood things pretty well.
Jungeun surprised herself at how well she managed to keep herself together. The only dead giveaway that she was freaking out internally was her leg violently shaking under the table. Her voice only cracked once and she only caught herself admiring Jinsol for longer than socially acceptable, like, four times. Considering the situation, Jungeun was proud of herself.
The two worked tirelessly until the alarm on Jungeun’s phone indicated their time was up.
“God, I think my brain is about to explode.” Jinsol relaxed into her chair and cracked her neck, an action that Jungeun found more attractive than she probably should have.
“You did good today. I hope I helped you at least a little bit.” Jungeun isn’t sure how much Jinsol is going to retain from today’s session, or if she’ll even want another one, but she hoped she at least made things a little easier for the girl. Even based only on the past hour, Jungeun could tell that Jinsol was a lot smarter than she was letting on, and Jungeun was curious as to why her grades didn’t reflect that.
“Are you kidding? You explain things way better than Ms. Ha does. Don’t tell her I said that though.” Jinsol winks at Jungeun, causing a blush to flare up on her cheeks. “Please tell me you’re willing to have more sessions because if you help me I really think I can do well this year.”
Jungeun couldn’t believe her luck. Jinsol wanted to spend more time with her? Yes in an academic setting but she’d take anything at that point.
“Oh, yeah of course! Maybe we can meet every week at this time? And maybe next time you won’t be late...” Jungeun smiled at the offended look on Jinsol’s face that gradually turned into a smile of her own.
“Alright Miss Jungeun, I see how it is. How about I give you my number just in case? Wouldn’t want to leave you sitting here all alone again.”
Jungeun’s eyes widened and her brain short-circuited for a solid two seconds. Had Jinsol seriously just asked for her number?
The look on Jinsol’s face was hard to decipher, but something about the way their eyes met and the intensity of Jinsol’s gaze, despite the playfulness of the exchange, made Jungeun equal amounts of excited and terrified.
Without saying anything, because she knew if she tried it probably wouldn’t make any sense, Jungeun ripped a piece of paper from her notebook and started to copy her number down despite her shaking hand.
“Hey do you remember in freshman year when we were lab partners for like, 2 minutes?”
Jungeun stopped writing, frozen in place.
Of course she remembered, she’d relayed that moment in her mind more times than she could count. What was really shocking was that Jinsol remembered it. She’d never mentioned it before now, but then again any interaction between the two in the past couple years was a casual smile or a “hey” when passing each other in the hallways.
Jungeun looked up and met Jinsol’s gaze. There’s that look again.
“U-um, yeah I think I do. That was on the first day, right?”
“Yeah, it was. It’s too bad it didn’t stick though. I would have much rather stayed with you, you seem cool.”
Jungeun had to physically stop her jaw from dropping in surprise.
“And apparently I’m not the only one who thinks so. You know you are kind of the talk of the school these days, what with you becoming captain of the soccer team. To think I could have had an in with The Kim Jungeun.” Jinsol smirked as Jungeun blushed even more than earlier, which she didn’t think was possible.
“I wouldn’t go that far… Just Jungeun is fine.”
Jinsol picked up the piece of paper, folding it into her pocket before gathering up her notebooks and pencils.
“Alright Just Jungeun, I guess I’ll see you later.” Flashing another of what Jungeun labelled her signature smiles, Jinsol gave her a final salute before turning around and leaving the library.
Once her dark hair was out of sight, Jungeun let out a much needed breath, and started to wonder if any of that had actually happened.
One thing she knew for sure, though, was that she had just given Jung Jinsol her phone number.
-
Jungeun had practically been glued to her phone for the week after her first tutoring session with Jinsol. She knew that there wasn’t really a reason for Jinsol to text her, but the fact that Jinsol had her number and wasn’t doing anything with it was causing Jungeun to spiral.
Had she just asked for it to be nice? Or was it really just to let Jungeun know if she was going to be late again? Maybe to ask for notes if she missed a class? She was guilty of that sometimes, and Jungeun always felt a bit gloomy when she’d notice that Jinsol’s desk was empty.
Jungeun hoped there was an ulterior motive behind the request, that Jinsol just wanted to talk to her, but as the days wore on, Jungeun found that to be unlikely.
On the bright side, soccer had been going very well so far. The team managed to finally string a few practices together, and they had just won their first game of the season the day before.
Jungeun was buzzing. During her first game as captain she managed to score the winning goal in the last 5 minutes. The elation she felt as her teammates all crowded around her, smiles wide and patting her on the back, combined with the sound of the crowd roaring nearby was a feeling she wasn’t sure she’d ever get used to.
Jungeun also had been noticing that she seemed to be developing a bit of a status. Jinsol evidently hadn’t been lying when she said Jungeun was the talk of the school.
Jungeun wasn’t quite sure how it happened, but she was popular.
It wasn’t that she was unpopular before, but as of late it seemed everyone’s eyes were on her as she made her way from class to class. Her classmates belonging to the so-called upper class started to give her the time of day, and most of them were nice, but they were all so fake Jungeun was sure she could see right through them.
She wasn’t quite sure she was enjoying her newfound spotlight.
The day before her next tutoring session with Jinsol, not that she was counting or anything, Jungeun was walking down the hallway, minding her own business, when a boy she had never talked to before made a beeline straight towards her.
“Hi Jungeun. I’m Mingyu, not sure if you know who I am but I’m the football team captain.”
That made Jungeun recognize him. Mingyu was probably the most popular boy at her school. Everywhere she went, she’d overheard conversations about how attractive he was, how well he had played at football the other night, and whether or not he had hooked up with some girl Jungeun didn’t know.
So the fact that he even came up to talk to her threw Jungeun through a loop.
“Oh. Hi, what’s up?”
“Well I’ve kind of always thought you were really pretty but I’ve been too shy to say anything. For some reason I was feeling a bit courageous today, and I was wondering if you wanted to go to the movies with me this weekend?”
Jungeun had to physically stop herself from laughing out loud right in front of the poor boy.
To be fair, nobody outside of her family and friends knew how much of a big fat lesbian she was, but she wasn’t sure if she was ready for the whole school to know just yet.
“That’s really sweet, but I’m honestly trying to focus on my schoolwork and soccer this year. I’m sorry!”
Jungeun hoped that sounded sincere enough, she really was still trying to hold in a laugh. She also wasn’t entirely sure if he was telling the truth or not. It seemed a bit suspicious that he only now came up to her, given her newfound status.
“Oh. Yeah, no that’s cool.” Mingyu loudly cleared his throat. “I mean, you still seem pretty cool, and now that your kind of popular I figured I’d give it a shot. No worries though, I’m sure I’ll see you around sometime.”
And with that, he was gone, and finally Jungeun let out a little chuckle. Men.
Pretending that whole ordeal never happened, Jungeun made her way to the cafeteria and towards her usual table, rolling her eyes when she spotted Chaewon and Hyunjin bickering again.
“Listen, it’s not my fault that you’re terrible at Mario Kart. What do you want me to do, let you win?” Chaewon asked, clearly annoyed at Hyunjin’s antics.
Hyunjin looked at Chaewon like she was wearing a Halloween costume on Christmas morning.
“Uh, yeah? That’s exactly what I want, you beat me literally every time. God, do you even have a heart?” Hyunjin slammed her phone down onto the table in exasperation and looked around at her friends for some kind of support against Chaewon’s seemingly ludicrous behaviour.
Jungeun sat down in her spot beside Yerim, silently asking her if what the two idiots were arguing about was anything serious. Yerim shook her head.
“Its some stupid online racing game. Chaewon keeps beating Hyunjin and we all know how much Hyunjin likes to lose.”
Jungeun nodded, knowing exactly how much after a particularly nasty session of Monopoly a couple months back.
Just as Jungeun started to dig into her lunch, she felt her phone vibrate in her back pocket. As she pulled it out and read the message, her eyes widened and her phone clattered to the table.
Chaewon and Hyunjin finally stopped arguing and turned to look at Jungeun, who looked like she’d seen a ghost.
“Hello? Jungeun? What happened?” Yerim asked curiously.
Wordlessly, Jungeun slid her phone across the table to Chaewon, who gave her a weird look but opened the phone tentatively. Once she had read the message, her face morphed to mirror Jungeun’s.
hey, is this jungeun? it’s jinsol. jung jinsol, the one you are tutoring. not sure if you know of any others haha
“UM JUNGEUN WHAT THE HELL?”
Even for the cafeteria, that was a bit loud, and a couple of heads turned to give Chaewon a dirty look, but the girl was unfazed, eyes locked on Jungeun.
“Why the HELL didn’t you tell us that Jung Jinsol had your number?”
The other two at the table gasped in surprise and scrambled to read the text message off of Jungeun’s phone. They immediately followed Chaewon’s example and turned to glare at Jungeun, who still looked like she was ready to pass out.
“You gave her your number? I mean I knew you were going to be her tutor, I still can’t believe you managed that, but you never told me you gave her your number! Why not? I’m surprised you didn’t spam the group chat immediately!” Yerim couldn’t believe her best friend had kept something like this from her.
All three of them had known about Jungeun’s crush on Jinsol for a while, it only being a matter of time before Jungeun couldn’t keep her gay thoughts to herself.
They all became friends early in freshman year, Jungeun and Yerim adopting Chaewon after someone had tripped her during their grade’s five mile run. Instead of being hurt, though, Chaewon was livid since she was on track for a top ten finish, and immediately caught up with whoever had tripped her.
It was Hyunjin, which was unsurprising once they got to know her. Jungeun had to physically hold Chaewon back from punching Hyunjin in the face, but once Hyunjin questioned if she wanted a step stool so the blonde could reach her face, Chaewon stopped resisting and instead commended the other girl for her the diss. Needless to say, a mutual respect was born.
The two ended up joining the track team together, making up half of the relay team that went all the way to nationals the following season. But neither of them let the other forget about that first meeting, constantly trying to one up each other in basically everything.
Weirdly enough, it was a bonding experience for the four of them, and they’ve been inseparable ever since, which made the whole idea of Jungeun keeping something this big from them even more bizarre.
If she was being honest, Jungeun didn’t want them to get their hopes up. They’d lived through enough of Jungeun’s incessant rants about how pretty Jinsol’s eyes were or how gorgeous her smile was. They’d barely survived when Jinsol dyed her hair from blonde to black in sophmore year, Jungeun almost having an aneurysm when she saw Jinsol in the hallway.
Despite that, they encouraged her at every corner and were always willing to listen, and Jungeun couldn’t thank them enough for it. That’s why she knew if she had told them about how the tutoring session had ended, they would have been over the moon and planting false ideas in her head about her and Jinsol riding off into the sunset.
As much as Jungeun wanted to believe that was a possibility, she couldn’t.
The two of them had gone to the same school for two years now. If Jinsol was interested in her, or even interested in girls, wouldn’t she have said anything? Tried to keep in touch? They still had the same class together for the rest of that year, so the opportunity would have been there.
Jungeun had resigned herself to the fact that this crush was destined to be one-sided, and she accepted that a long time ago. The last thing she needed was her friends hyping her up only to be disappointed when nothing ever happened.
With a sigh, Jungeun finally met the gaze of her friends.
“I don’t know… I guess I just forgot about it?” That was a lame excuse, and they all knew it.
“Bullshit you forgot about it, this is Jinsol we are talking about here. When did this happen?” Hyunjin was about to enter interrogation mode.
“Um… like a week ago?”
Chaewon jumped out her seat.
“A WEEK AGO? ARE YOU INSANE?”
“Park Chaewon! Please keep your voice down!” Ms. Kim skipped over to their table, a wide grin on her face, as usual, despite the scolding words. “Everyone knows your meal won’t be as fulfilling if you are surrounded by loud noises!”
Jungeun blinked. Where on Earth did she hear that?
“Right. Sorry Ms. Kim, I’ll keep it down.” The look on Chaewon’s face as she sat down showed more restraint than Jungeun had ever seen. She had already been kicked out of the cafeteria 5 times so far this term, and it had barely been two weeks.
At the sight of Ms. Kim retreating, Jungeun instantly felt all three pairs of eyes back on her, and sighed.
“Okay fine. I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want it to be a big deal. I’m just tutoring her, nothing else.”
Hyunjin frowned. “Well it will be nothing else with that attitude. C’mon, its been how long since you’ve been fawning over her? Now is the perfect opportunity to make a move.”
Yerim and Chaewon nodded in agreement.
Jungeun sighed again. “Guys it isn’t that simple. We don’t even know if she likes girls, let alone if she’d li-”
“If you say something self-deprecating I will not hesitate to smack you across your beautiful face,” Chaewon threatened, even going as far as to ready her palm.
One look at the girl and Jungeun could tell she was serious, suspension be damned.
“Alright well before any of that happens, Jungeun, you haven’t even replied yet! I wonder why she’s texting you.” Yerim grabbed Jungeun’s phone and handed it back to her.
“You read the text, she probably just wants to make sure she has the right number or something.”
Jungeun fiddled with her phone for a moment, her shaking hands causing her minor difficulty.
hey! yes, this is jungeun!
Yerim looked over her shoulder as Jungeun pressed send.
“That’s it? Come on, put yourself out there! Try and start a conversation!”
“Relax Yerim, it was just the first-”
Jungeun was interrupted yet again by the sound of her phone buzzing on the table, causing all four of them to jump in their seats.
good good. i wanted to make sure we were still on for another session tomorrow? same place and time? well, the same time as it was supposed to be at
Jungeun smiled, remembering how adorable Jinsol looked when she was all flustered and out of breath.
yes of course! that time was 4:00 by the way, you seemed to have forgotten
“Oh my god Jungeun is that flirting? A little banter? Who is she?”
Jungeun pushed Chaewon so hard she almost fell off the seat.
jeez a girl is late ONE time and never hears the end of it. but that sounds good, i’m looking forward to it :)
Looking forward to it? Why? It was just a tutoring session? Was Jinsol that excited about learning? And the smiley face?
Jungeun decided against replying, still trying to process that she really had texted Jinsol and she wasn’t just living in some fever dream.
“Jungeun has a daaate, Jungeun has a daaate.” Jungeun’s three idiot friends started to sing quietly at their table, causing her to laugh and shake her head.
Definitely not a date, Jungeun knew that, but that didn’t stop her from cautiously letting her friend’s optimism spread to her too. Maybe the hope wasn’t entirely false.
-
The nerves had slightly subsided in Jungeun’s stomach as she made her way to the library. She could confidently say she wasn’t as nervous as she was before their last session, the nerves instead replaced with anticipation and excitement. The whole “caution” idea had kind of been disregarded at that point, with Jungeun’s hopes being higher than they ever had before.
Jungeun stopped walking and took a much needed death breath.
Nothing had really changed, despite her newfound optimism. She still didn’t know if Jinsol liked girls, if she liked Jungeun, or if she even wanted to be Jungeun’s friend. Jinsol seemed like she had much more important things to worry about than Jungeun and her stupid crush.
Jungeun knew if she had vocalized those thoughts, Chaewon would have heard, from wherever she was since the girl had a sixth sense when it came to Jungeun and her self-deprecation, and follow through on her threat of smacking Jungeun.
But Jungeun couldn’t help it, her pessimistic nature keeping her from getting too overwhelmed by the possible outcomes. At least, not until there actually was something to get overwhelmed over.
For now, she was just tutoring a pretty girl, and she desperately tried to leave it at that.
But, a girl could dream.
Picking up her pace, Jungeun entered the library at 3:50, making her way to the same table as last week. However, when that table came into view, she froze on the spot.
At least Jinsol definitely wouldn’t be late.
The girl was sitting patiently at the table, her supplies already laid out in front of her, and her foot slightly tapping on the floor. Jungeun physically felt the hopes she had pushed down spring right back up again at the sight.
As Jungeun got closer, she heard Jinsol’s faint humming, recognizing the melody from a Red Velvet song released a little while ago. Interesting.
Jungeun cautiously placed a hand on Jinsol’s shoulder once she was close enough, making Jinsol leap about a foot in the air in surprise.
“What are yo- Oh! Hi Jungeun!” The apprehensive look on Jinsol’s face was immediately replaced with a beaming smile upon her recognition of the younger girl.
“Hey, what are you doing here so early? We don’t start for 10 minutes.” Jungeun sat down at the seat across from Jinsol, smiling when she noticed Jinsol had animal crackers spewn haphazardly across her notes.
“Well I really didn’t want to be late this time, I felt bad enough without you teasing me about it. Also, I brought you some animal crackers in case you were hungry, they’re my favourite.”
Jungeun blushed as Jinsol slid over a package of animal crackers, happily accepting them.
“Thank you, I definitely didn’t bring a big enough lunch today.”
“Well that’s silly. I always have extra food so if your hungry, find me or text me or something. I’m always willing to share.”
The offer was so genuine, and coupled with the concern displayed on Jinsol’s face, Jungeun literally swooned.
“O-ok, yeah, I’d like that. Thank you.” Jungeun shyly focused her attention on her notebooks as she removed them from her backpack. “Should we get started?”
The session went by as well as the last one had, with Jungeun feeling as though Jinsol was making great progress already. However, with around 20 minutes remaining, they were interrupted.
Mingyu had suddenly appeared in front of them, he always seemed to come out of nowhere, and sat in the empty seat next to Jungeun, much to Jungeun’s surprise. She thought when he had said he’d see her around he meant like in the hallways or at a sports event, not the very next day in the library after school hours.
“Hey Jungeun. How’s it going?” Completely ignoring Jinsol’s presence, Mingyu’s eyes were firmly on Jungeun, making her feel a bit uncomfortable.
“I’m good? I’m just in the middle of a tutoring session with Jinsol, is there something you need?”
“Yeah actually. I need you to come to my party this weekend.”
The bluntness of his question, more like statement, made Jinsol choke on an animal cracker. Still, Mingyu’s gaze didn’t waiver.
“Um… why?” Jungeun had never been to a high school party, and she was fairly confident she didn’t want her first one to be at Mingyu’s house.
“Because everyone is going. Well, everyone who matters anyways, and that’s you now, remember? So, are you coming or not?”
Jungeun was going through some serious mental gymnastics. She didn’t want to go, she knew that. She honestly couldn’t think of something she’d less rather do than go to this guy’s house who she’s only talked to twice, be without any of her friends, and be forced to socialize with the “upper class” of her high school.
Despite her strange feeling of obligation to say yes, she decided against letting her newfound status influence her decision.
“Aw man, that’s terrible timing. My parents are taking me out of town this weekend to visit my grandparents. I hope it’s a good party though!” The lie was surprisingly easy to tell, and Jungeun was proud of herself that her voice didn’t crack and she didn’t stutter.
“Jeez, you seem like a fun time,” Mingyu muttered under his breath, but it evidently wasn’t as quiet as he had hoped.
“Hey, you don’t even know her asshat.”
Jungeun’s eyes widened as Jinsol spoke up for the first time during this little exchange, the words causing her heart to flutter a little.
Mingyu rolled his eyes.
“Whatever. One of these days you’ll come around, everyone usually does.” With that, and a sad attempt at a wink, he was gone.
Jungeun sighed.
“Sorry about that. He asked me out yesterday and I guess he didn’t take my rejection very well.”
Jinsol’s eyes widened.
“He asked you out? I’m surprised you said no. As much of a sleazebag as he is, most girls wouldn’t dare turn him down.”
Jungeun swallowed sharply.
“Well, he isn’t exactly my type…”
At that, Jinsol arched an eyebrow.
“Oh yeah? What is your type then Miss Jungeun?”
There it was. The Look.
Jungeun wasn’t sure if Jinsol was doing this on purpose, or if she had any idea how flirty this exchange had turned. Maybe it wasn’t flirty and she was reading too far into it, but that look. Jungeun swore there was something behind the way Jinsol looked at her.
That look caused Jungeun to muster up just the right amount of courage to say what was lingering on the tip of her tongue.
“Well, for starters, definitely a girl.”
A beat passed. Then another.
It took approximately ten seconds for the stunned look on Jinsol’s face to morph into one of acceptance, with a hint of something Jungeun couldn’t quite label, immediately easing the worries Jungeun had started to form with each passing second.
“Oh! Well that makes sense as to why you’d turn Mingyu down then. Immune to his idiotic charms, that sounds like a gift.”
Jungeun smiled, staring into Jinsol’s deep brown eyes.
“Yeah, I guess it comes with its perks.”
Jinsol looked away, suddenly finding the paling blue of the wall behind Jungeun very interesting, before clearing her throat.
“Yeah, um, we should get back to what we were doing before we were rudely interrupted.”
And so they did. They finished the tutoring session without any more hiccups, ending with Jinsol stating that she was confident she would ace their first test coming up the following week.
As Jungeun was packing up her things, Jinsol spoke again from across the table.
“Hey, I’ve been craving ice cream all day. Do you want to go get some? I know a great place not far from here.”
The casualness in Jinsol’s proposition did nothing to quell the panic that overtook Jungeun’s brain. She could barely handle being around Jinsol in an academic setting so Jungeun knew anything more was a recipe for disaster.
Get ice cream? Is she joking? First of all, it was late September, borderline too cold to even think about ice cream. Let alone the fact that they’d be basically hanging out for the first time outside of school.
But really, was she ever going to say no to Jinsol?
“Um, yeah sure! I’d love to.”
Jungeun hoped for that tiny bit of courage from earlier to flare up again soon, or else she might not make it through this outing in one piece.
Jinsol grinned in response, immediately walking towards the exit, bouncing up and down as she walked making Jungeun question if her cereal had been spiked that morning. It took serious effort on Jungeun’s part just to keep up with her.
“Great! They have, like, a million flavours and I have yet to try one that is bad so you are in for a treat!”
Jungeun shook her head, amazed at how slowly Jinsol was revealing her inner weirdo, and even more amazed at how adorable she found it. It was quite amusing that Jinsol had a relatively mysterious and outcast image around school, but the minute you exchange a few sentences with her she’d expose her undeniable charms.
“Well you better hope I don’t choose the only one that sucks or else I’ll forever hold you accountable.”
-
“What’s your favourite animal?”
Jungeun wasted no time in providing an answer. “An owl.”
Jinsol rolled her eyes.
“Why am I not surprised. The nerd loves owls. Real original there Jungeun.”
Jinsol barely managed to escape the slap, sliding along the booth so she was just out of Jungeun’s reach.
“No but seriously, why an owl? What, do you stay up super late and digest food into pellets?”
It was Jungeun’s turn to roll her eyes at that stupid comment.
“Yeah that’s why. All those bones and pelts I eat are just too much for my stomach.”
Jinsol laughed, causing the few customers in the shop to look her way. Man her laugh was loud and obnoxious, but man did Jungeun love to hear it.
“Okay, honestly, they are so majestic and are just the picture of peacefulness. Like, nothing ever really rattles them? They are so calm and collected, and kind of exist without giving a shit about anybody else. Plus, I’ve always wanted to be able to turn my head all the way around.”
Jinsol smiled at that. “Yeah that makes sense. It suits you, actually.”
“You saying I don’t give a shit about anybody?”
Jinsol’s eyes widened.
“What? No! No you are super nice and a great tutor and fun to hang around with, I’m sor-”
Jungeun laughed, a couple decibels lower than Jinsol’s, but effective enough to interrupt Jinsol mid-apology.
“I’m kidding, but I appreciate the compliments.”
They’d been at the ice cream parlour for a little over an hour. Jungeun was surprised at how easily the conversation flowed between them, as she allowed her more confident and socially-adept side take over. Every so often, Jinsol would make a comment that Jungeun still couldn’t help but blush or shyly giggle at, but she was starting to get more accustomed to Jinsol’s presence.
They were in the middle of exchanging questions, mainly about dumb, trivial things, but Jungeun enjoyed getting to know Jinsol better nonetheless.
“You know you are so much meaner than I expected Miss Kim Jungeun. You better watch out or I’ll spread so many rumors about you being a bitch you’ll never want to step foot in our school again. Not that anyone would believe them but, you know, it’s the thought that counts.”
Jungeun didn’t think Jinsol meant to strike a nerve, but that particular topic had been at the forefront of Jungeun’s mind since the beginning of the school year.
“Honestly go for it, I’m not entirely sure I would mind going back to just being Jungeun who is good at soccer and chemistry.”
Jungeun couldn’t help the sudden change in atmosphere that statement caused, but she had been keeping her feelings down for a little while, and something about Jinsol made her feel as though Jungeun could tell her anything.
People had started to look at Jungeun differently, treat her differently, expect different things from her, and she didn’t like it. As much as she enjoyed the feeling on the soccer field, off of it was a totally different story.
Jungeun suddenly felt her hand being clasped from across the table, and she looked up to meet Jinsol’s caring eyes.
“You can talk to me about it, if you want. Or we can drop it, up to you. But I can only imagine how different this year has started off for you.”
At Jinsol being so considerate, Jungeun almost poured her heart out right in the middle of that ice cream shop. However, she somehow managed to resist the initial word vomit, instead taking her time to really think about her inner turmoil. She knew it wasn’t a huge deal, and she didn’t want it to come across that way, but insecurities were insecurities.
“Honestly, I don’t really know how to feel. I guess it was kind of epitomized back when Mingyu asked me to his dumb party. Like, I knew I didn’t want to go, and I don’t regret lying to him, but even the fact that I considered going despite all the reasons not to kind of scared me, I guess.
“I don’t want to change, I like who I am, for the most part. I’m scared that I’ll become totally influenced by the throws of high school popularity that I’ll forget what really matters. I know it sounds dumb but-”
Jinsol shook her head feverently, interrupting Jungeun before she started to minimize her worries. Chaewon would like her.
“It doesn’t sound dumb, really. But the fact you are even thinking about this shows that you aren’t going to change anytime soon. As long as you know how amazing you are, especially compared to all those asshats in our grade, I don’t think you have much to worry about.”
Jungeun really tried not to cry at the sincerity in Jinsol’s words. They barely knew each other and yet somehow Jinsol knew exactly what to say.
Jinsol smiled suddenly. “Wait, you lied to Mingyu? I thought you really did have to go out of town. Damn Jungeun, you’re a terrifyingly good liar.”
Jinsol’s attempt at lightening the atmosphere worked, causing Jungeun to roll her eyes, a common occurrence when she was with Jinsol, and shake her head.
“Seriously though, it takes some real stubbornness to not succumb to society’s expectations about typical high schoolers and prioritize what you really want. You’ve already done it once, and I have no doubt you’ll do it again. I’m sure you’ll stay true to yourself despite whatever, you know, fame and fortune comes your way.”
Jungeun snorted. “You sound like one of those, like, mentors or advisors from a Disney movie who gives the main character a lesson on self-identity and not conforming to the wills of the masses or something stupid like that.”
Jinsol laughed again, another seemingly common occurrence. Was Jungeun really that funny?
“Hey, you’re the one who started sharing her feelings, I’m just here to provide support. And if that’s in the form of Disney characters than you’re just going to have to live with that.”
Jungeun smiled. She could definitely live with that.
“Ok, enough about me. You never told me your favourite animal!”
Jinsol seemed surprised at Jungeun’s sudden change of topic, but must have assumed the younger girl was done talking about her insecurities for now. That didn’t mean she retracted her hand, though.
Jungeun had been too caught up in her own inner chaos to even realize Jinsol had started holding her hand. Holding. Her. Hand.
Jungeun immediately felt her face go beet red and prayed it wasn’t too obvious in the poorly lit ice cream shop.
“Oh that’s easy. A blue betta fish.”
Jungeun raised her eyebrows. “That’s oddly specific. Any particular reason?”
Jinsol broke their easily maintained eye contact, and the contact of their hands, and turned to stare at something out the window while her hands instead tightly gripped her napkin.
“Well, they’re fighters, highly adaptable, and often spend lots of time alone. They kind of rely on themselves to survive and not anyone else. I really think they’re incredible…”
The way in which Jinsol trailed off that sentence, and the melancholic look on her face as she stared out the window, hinted to Jungeun that there was certainly a deeper meaning than just a favourite fish. Jinsol had just helped Jungeun with a few of her insecurities, maybe she could do the same?
“They sound incredible. It seems like you identify with them, at least a little bit, right?”
Jungeun was sure to be hesitant, not pressuring Jinsol too much for an answer. And she almost took back her words immediately when she recognized a sense of panic overtake Jinsol’s face. But Jinsol met Jungeun’s eyes, and with Jungeun trying to convey as much empathy and support as she could, Jinsol sighed.
“Yeah I guess you could say that.”
That wasn’t it, Jungeun could tell. So she waited patiently for Jinsol to bring herself to say what was really on her mind.
“I lied to you that first day, you know. I wasn’t late to our session because I had an appointment.”
Jungeun couldn’t hide her surprise. “Oh? What were you doing then?”
“Well usually I have a free last period, so I tried to squeeze in a job interview before our session, but it ended up going longer than I had hoped, and I honestly needed the job more than the tutoring at that point.”
Jungeun frowned at the sad smile Jinsol shot her way.
“I really felt bad about being late, but I had been laid off from my previous job a little while before and that was the first time I’d heard back from anywhere I’d applied to. It’s only a barista job but it’s all I could really get. And at least I did get it, thankfully.”
“Why do you have to work so much?” Jungeun wasn’t sure she wanted to know the answer, but knew she had to ask the question regardless.
Jinsol looked down at her lap, closing her eyes tightly.
“My dad, um, he left my mom and I when I was a baby. I barely remember him, luckily. I don’t want to. But my mom has had to work multiple jobs just to keep us afloat ever since. Honestly I don’t really see her very often, our schedules don’t really line up.”
Jungeun’s heart broke. She couldn’t imagine a life without either of her parents, or one in which she didn’t have a good relationship with them.
“Oh Jinsol, I’m so sorry.”
Jinsol shook her head, waving off any apology Jungeun could muster.
“It’s not your fault, that’s just life. You have to play the cards you’ve been dealt. So the minute I became old enough to work, I got my first job at this very ice cream shop actually, between freshman and sophomore years.”
Jungeun looked around at the store they were still sat in. She noticed how quaint it was when they arrived, definitely more of a hole in the wall than a bustling chain. There weren’t many customers, they’d been there almost an hour and a half and she could probably count the number of people who entered on one hand.
“This seems like a nice place for a first job, why did they lay you off?” Jungeun hoped she wasn’t prying too much, but every detail Jinsol revealed made her want to know more.
“As you can probably tell, this place doesn’t get a huge amount of business. They couldn’t handle the extra staff, and I understood that. The couple who run it are lovely people, and I still owe them a lot. That’s why I am still a loyal customer, despite it all.”
Junguen watched as Jinsol glanced around the store with a genuine smile, making eye contact with the worker behind the register, smile widening when he shot her a wave. Jungeun felt her chest expand with pure admiration and fondness for the girl sat across from her.
“I think you are one of the strongest, most driven and hardest-working people I’ve ever met, and I’ve known you for a week.”
The unexpected compliment drew Jinsol’s attention back to Jungeun, and Jungeun recognized the increasingly familiar look on Jinsol’s face, but this time there was a new warmth in Jinsol’s eyes that Jungeun instantly decided she wanted to see more of.
“I mean, technically we’ve known each other for two years, but still. Thank you, Jungeun.”
Jungeun hadn’t been wrong when she had thought of Jinsol as a mystery. But she was a mystery Jungeun really wanted to solve.
“By the way, you definitely weren’t lying. This ice cream slaps.”
“I told you so!”