Work Text:
IMALEX, tom_e, PG, dawesome, georgemills, SWOLLINS [4:31PM]
IMALEX named the group ALEX’S SHIT LIST
IMALEX
I can’t believe I ever called any
of you my friends
tom_e
what?
PG
I’m not your friend, why would
you make such a gross assumption?
IMALEX
shut up
you’re all terrible people
I should’ve framed you for murder
a long time ago
georgemills
🙁
IMALEX
you’re the only blameless one here
tom_e
why add him them?
*then
IMALEX
because we don’t have a gc and we
should have one.
I only want to yell at you for ten minutes
georgemills
but we do
THE ELITE [4:37PM]
PG
George delet that immediately
georgemills
what?
Oh crap!
ALEX’S SHIT LIST [4:38PM]
IMALEX
no we don’t
George keep up
georgemills
sorry
dawesome
can you guys change the chat title?
my mum checks my phone and
she’ll get mad :/
IMALEX named the group ALEX’S FUCK SHIT CUNT PISS LIST
dawesome has left the group
IMALEX
I’m at my fucking limit
SWOLLINS
what on god’s wide earth is
happening
PG
Alex is mad at us for no reason
And Peter is scared of his mum
tom_e
I’ve met his mum she’s lovely
IMALEX has added dawesome to the group
IMALEX named the group ALEX’S NAUGHTY LIST
dawesome
thank you
tom_e
now she’ll just think you’re in
a weird bdsm group
IMALEX
I’m not changing it again
[video4.mp4]
That’s YOU TWO, TOMMY AND PHILIPPE-
*NECKING* in the background of a video of me
completing a SICK kickflip
You have TARNISHED my achievements
SWOLLINS
UM
tom_e
it’s me!
georgemills
is that how babies are made?
PG
your kickflip wasn’t the only
thing tarnished that day
SWOLLINS
can someone deport him back to
France for me?
PG
vas te faire encule paillettes
habillé homme bâtard
tom_e
uh oh
IMALEX
‘fuck you you glitter dressed
cuck bastard man’ -translate
- Philippe Hugo Guillet, 2k20
He ain’t wrong
Thank you for yelling at Collins
for me
SWOLLINS
it’s a kilt you racist
dawesome
oh my god
georgemills
It’s so sad when mum and dad fight
PG
don’t insult my taste in men like that
IMALEX
alright moving on, this is my
time to yell not you twos
[image76.mp4]
COLLINS adjusting his STIFFY behind
me PROUDLY holding up my achievement
award for WOOD TECH
I showed this to my GRANDMOTHER
Not to mention it’s STILL ON MY FUCKING
ACCOUNT TO THIS DAY, can I not be proud of
ANYTHING?
PG
there’s a reason they call it *wood* tech
tom_e
what was the context of the boner
PG
probably Mr. Farrier walking past
dawesome
my physics teacher?
COLLINS THAT’S GROSS
georgemills
is *that* how babies are made?
tom_e
it might be if Collins had any game
SWOLLINS
hey, FUCK YOU
IMALEX
you deserve all of this Collins, you ruined
my moment
tom_e
CoLlInS RuInEd My DrEaM JoUrnAl
georgemills
I DiD NoT!
Mr FaRrIeR SeNd HiM To ThE
PriNcIpAlS OfFiCe AnD HaVe HiM
EXPELLED!!
IMALEX
if I wasn’t being the bad guy I would’ve joined
in and I hope you all know that
PG
careful Mr. Farrier, he might pop one
on the way
SWOLLINS
fuck all of you, why am I still here?
IMALEX
BECAUSE YOU’RE A SLOPPY BITCH COLLINS
YOU LIKE PAIN DON’T YOU YOU SICK BASTARD
THAT’S WHY YOURE STILL FUCKING HERE
dawesome
Alex you’re triggering my fight or
flight instinct
IMALEX
GOOD BECAUSE YOURE NEXT
[image56.jpg]
I was really feelin myself that day
PG
eww tmi
IMALEX
I have connections I can and will
deport you
I was wearing something nice, as you
can see
and WHAT HAPPENS? PETER FUCKING
OUTSHINES ME IN MY OWN PHOTO!
I don’t give a shit how cute your pose was
that was sabotage
dawesome
I’m in the background, people probably
didn’t notice
SWOLLINS
you’re being a little dramatic, aren’t
you?
IMALEX
‘damn, who’s the cutie in the bg?’ – a
comment left on that fucking post before
I WIPED IT OFF THE FACE OF MY
ACCOUNT
tom_e
yikes
georgemills
don’t worry you’ll get used to it
PG
what?
SWOLLINS
what
dawesome
what??
georgemills
I’m joking I’m way cuter than you, I
feel sorry for setting such a high bar
for you
tom_e
Alex would disagree
PG
haha gross
SWOLLINS
PARDON???
IMALEX
MOVING SWIFTLY ON- DON’T THINK
YOU FUCKERS CAN FINESSE YOUR
WAY OUT OF THIS
[image45.jpg]
I spent a whole term making a little basketball
hoop, and I did really good- so of course I want
to celebrate- pose next to my creation. And what do
I get for my effort?
PG
I think I know where this is going
IMALEX
I get PHILIPPE TRYING TO SHOVE THE HOOP WIRE
UP COLLINS ARSE IN MY FUCKING BACKGROUND
I HATE ALL OF YOU (except you George, you’re fine atm)
georgemills
😁
PG
I remember doing that
Good times
SWOLLINS
you could’ve really hurt me you
bastard
PG
not like it was getting used for any-
thing good anyway
tom_e
oh snap
dawesome
eww what the hell
georgemills
IS THAT HOW BABIES ARE MADE?
dawesome
George, as your best friend and close
confidant, I ask that you stop right now
IMALEX
Tommy! My friend since early childhood, a
brother in arms, AND A TRAITOR WHO
RUINS NICE PHOTOS OF ME
tom_e
oh Alex, you’re such a charmer, always have
been
IMALEX
[image32.jpg]
WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU TRYING TO SHOVE
FIVE TWIGLETS INTO YOUR MOUTH AT ONCE
PG
hot
SWOLLINS
hot
PG
hey pal, back off
tom_e
I wasn’t *trying* to shove five twiglets
into my mouth at once, I *did* shove
five twiglets into my mouth at once
georgemills
is that how babies are made
dawesome
GEORGE
YOU PEOPLE HAVE RUINED HIM
georgemills
ANSWER MY QUESTION COWaRD
dawesome
NO
tom_e
don’t worry Peter, Alex will help you show
him
IMALEX
shut the FUCK up
dawesome
next time I’m added to one of these things, I’m
just going to leave it, this is costing me too many
braincells
THE ELITE [7:30pm]
tom_e
do you guys still have the photos from when
we all went to the arcade for our six month?
PG
of course
georgemills
I think I have a few
SWOLLINS
I have some videos of me kicking
Philippe’s arse at dance dance
revolution
georgemills
the highly anticipated sequel to red dead
redemption- dance dance revolution
tom_e
cool cool, that’s good
SWOLLINS
why you asking?
tom_e
I’ll tell you at school tomorrow when Alex
has detention
also Peter stop lurking
**
“So, what were you getting at yesterday” Collins asked as he slid onto the bench, wiggling along so Peter and George could squeeze in beside him.
Tommy shuffled, slipping his hand into his pocket to pull out his phone, he unlocked it quickly, swiping through until he found what he was looking for. He held it up to the three boys across the table. “I was getting at this,” he said, watching as George, Collins’ and Peter’s eyes flicked over the screen, beside him he could feel Philippe looking at him, silently wondering.
“What am I looking at?” George asks with a frown, an expression Collins mirrors almost perfectly
“Yeah- just you and Phil looking grossly happy” Collins added, it was then that Peter’s eyes widened, and he sucked in a sharp breath, he’d obviously discovered what they were looking at.
“Alex, in the background- he was preaching decency in other people’s photos. Seems like he came up with that philosophy after our arcade hang.”
“Oh yea- didn’t he hassle you all afternoon?” George asked, looking sidewards to where Peter sat silently, the blond only nodded. “Ha! Yeah that was weird- is that why you kept stirring him yesterday?” the brunet asked Tommy, who smirked and nodded, the two boys breaking into giggles.
“I checked the photos I had, he’s near or with Peter in every single one- I’m pretty sure he got an inch closer with every photo- he was practically hanging off you, mate” Tommy explained, shooting a sympathetic look to the blond rolling his eyes across the table. “You know, it’s very disrespectful to act so thirsty on such a romantic occasion” Tommy pointed out, swiping to show his prime examples, Peter’s face quickly turned from pink to red.
“Just so you know, as your best friend, I consent to you pursuing a romantic relationship with one Alex Ichabod Elmslie- at your own risk of course” George announced, patting Peter on the back, the young man hissing a ‘shut up’ under his breath. “Hey, I’m just saying, the clout gain is promising if you do vibe with him” George exclaimed, sticking both hands up in self defense.
“Don’t call it ‘vibing with’ for god sake” Peter sighed, rubbing a hand over his face.
“My condolences” Philippe hummed.
“Wait- does Alex like like you?” Collins asked, squinting at the photo’s being swiped through on Tommy’s phone.
“Duh, that’s why he was trying to lay pipe when Peter agreed to play that dance game with him” Philippe almost snapped, Collins frowning at him and glaring.
“Don’t know what came over me” Peter sighed, running a hand up through his hair.
“Alex, probably” Philippe whispered, yelping as Tommy elbowed him in the side. With a grimace on his face and a hand rubbing at the sore spot on his ribs, he looked up at Peter, “like George said, you could do worse than local celebrity Alex Elmslie” Philippe mumbled, digging around in his bag for the lunch he’d been anticipating for two periods, shooting a glare at Tommy as he did. “For example, you could be dating Collins, how terrible is that?”
“I will strangle you with your own tie I swear to god” Collins growled through gritted teeth.
“So, what are you going to do with this information?” Peter asked, picking at the sticker of an apple he’d pulled from his bag, he didn’t look too bothered by the acknowledgment of Alex’s fondness for him, more so annoyed at the teasing and it being the focus of their conversation. In fact, he was perhaps the only person in their group that wouldn’t vomit at the idea of Alex liking them.
“Call him out in the group chat then drop it- hated that holier than thou shit he was pulling” Tommy explained, leaning forwards to rest against the elbows planted on the bench, his eyes were looking past Peter and George and at the tuckshop, he briefly wondered what today’s special was- other than a healthy serving of exposing hypocrisy.
**
ALEX’S NAUGHTY LIST [3:30PM]
tom_e has named the group TOMMY’S NAUGHTY LIST
IMALEX
what is the meaning of this?
PG
you’re in for it now, buckaroo
tom_e
you’re a hypocrite, Alex Ichabod Elmslie
IMALEX
what?
tom_e
THERE I WAS, THINKING I COULD HAVE A
NICE SIXTH MONTH ANNIVERSARY, AND WHAT
HAPPENS? YOU ALEX, YOU ABSOLUTE WHORE
[image21.jpg]
[image11.jpg]
[image32.jpg]
The proof is in the pudding, and your pudding was caught
red handed in the act of HYPOCRISY!
And harassing a defenceless young boy
SWOLLINS
dun dun DUN
IMALEX
I can explain
tom_e
you fell for the boyish charms of our very own
Peter Dawson and RUINED MY ANNIVERSARY
PICTURES WITH YOUR SMUTTY CANOODLING
IMALEX
yea about that
georgemills
Peter’s pregnant, isn’t he? He’s been
glowing recently, oh my Alex, this must
be so tough for you
tom_e
you disgust me Alex, after all these years, my
best friend- a hypocrite, I hope this child does not
learn of this sickening affliction of yours
SWOLLINS
as Mr. Dawson’s favourite son, I know
this news will be difficult for him to handle.
but if you hurt sweet Peter, I will go dracarys
on your arse
dawesome
shove off, he’s MY dad
and I will not confirm nor deny my pregnancy until
Jeremy Kyle has been contacted
PG
who’s that?
tom_e has kicked PG from the group
tom_e
we serve nothing but justice in this chat
IMALEX à DAWESOME [3:35PM]
IMALEX
sorry about that
dawesome
I don’t know if I can raise this
child around a hypocrite
IMALEX
is this actually Peter?
dawesome
of course it bloody is
you must not know me if you think
I’m at all weirded out about all that
Phil and Tommy kept sucking face,
kind of glad you wouldn’t leave me alone
George was too busy playing that stupid
shooter game, was ready to go home
IMALEX
guess I made your arcade experience
pretty… dawesome
dawesome
now you’re pushing it
TOMMY’S NAUGHTY LIST [3:40PM]
tom_e
PUMPKIN IS A TEXTURE, WHAT THE
FUCK ARE YOU ON ABOUT?
SWOLLINS
IT’S A FLAVOUR- HOW THE FUCK
IS IT A TEXTURE?
georgemills
my home ec teacher has never called
pumpkin a texture
tom_e has added PG to the group
tom_e
back me up here
PG
omg I lived bitch
pumpkin is a texture, nothing else
feels like pumpkin
tom_e
THANK YOU
SWOLLINS
that is a DISGUSTING conflict of
interest- Philippe is full of shite
tom_e
I’m gonna reach through your phone screen
and conflict your interest in a minute
IMALEX
pumpkin isn’t a flavour
tom_e
THANK YOU
IMALEX
it’s an emotion
SWOLLINS
what?
georgemills
um
tom_e has left the group