Chapter Text
CHAP 1: SARAS NOO ANVENTOR
I was siten in my meth class and my techar Mr Sandarsan was bein reely meen. Liek jus 2day in reel lief aksed be a queston abot wy my handwritan on my homwerk is difrant frum on my furst quiz of the scole yer (wich startad thes weak) and also wy i do relly wel on homewurk but not on the quoz. I cant tel him that my parants do my homwork 4 me becuz Barak Obaba maed haven ur parrots do ur homewrok ilegal. Barak Obana prolly maed that law so id fale hi scule and hav 2 get a pore persan job and liv on welfar. But teh joaks on him becuz my parants r so ric that ican liv on inharatans 4evar and wil nevar be a lazey pore persan evan if i dont graduat hi skool (wich i wil becuz im reely smart). Also Mr Sandarsan is blak so he prolly votad 2 Oboma and wants 2 taek munny frum my famely adn otter hard-werking job craters 2 putin Obomacar so that pore pepole wil get helth car they dont deserv becuz they didant ern it.
So aneyway Mr Sandarsan was bein meen 2 me by callen on me 2 anser a queston frum the homwork that my parants did 4 me. Butthan alof a sudan the dore to the clasrom opaned. I thot it mite be God lik last tim but it wasant. It was a britesh guy with blod hare who had a majek sord caled the Morondo. It was Sholk.
"Sara u ned 2 blody cum with me!" he sed, "Lauren lerned the secrete way in2 hevan wen she wuz pretendin 2 be ur frend. And she tolled Satin and Oboma and they concurred hevan and captared God and Jesas!!! Its impassible 4 God and Jesas to turd gay becuz they cant sin but if there captared than Satin rools hevan. U ned 2 cum 2 Nentindo wrold agen to fined ot how 2 saev them."
"Ok" i sed and i gotted ot of my seet.
"SIT UR FYNE WITE A** DOWN SARA OR ILL BUSTA CAPE IN UR A**" sed Mr Sandarsan and he puled ot a gun and holded it on its sid ganestar stile.
"No u bloddy wont u wankar (I lerned that thats in insalt in the langage they speek in Briten so Sholk isant gonna cal me a wankar)" Sholk sed.
"UR KRAKEN A** BETAR GES AGEN!" Mr Sandarsan sed. He shat a ballet at Sholk but Sholk can c the futur and he dogged it.
"AW HELL NAW!!!" Mr Sandarsan shat moar ballets at Sholk butt Sholk dogged tham 2. Than we herd sirans and the polise came all over the room.
"YO F*** THE POLITE DOG!!!" Mr Sandarsan sed.
"Mr Sandarsan u hav a warant ot 4 ur arest 4 rappen wite womans and 4 sellin drug" the polaris chef sed.
"ULL NEVAR TAEK ME ALIV HOMELY!!!" Mr Sandarsan sed.
Mr Sandarsan gotted in2 a gunfite with the polise and they shat him ded. Than the polise laft the rome and the otter stoodants gotted ot boks 4 studey hal becuz we cant hav matt class if r matt teecher is ded.
"Sara u ned 2 hurray" Sholk sed "God and Jesas stil ned 2 be saev!"
"rite" i sed "also ho did u no abot God and Jesas bean captar?"
"Well im Britesh and the Queen of Briten is teeming up with Harey Potar to try to maek Amerka in2 Britesh colons agen. Also Harey Potar tot Lauren the majek that shes usen 2 try 2 tune u in2 a lesban. Butt im a gud Britesh persan who wants 2 stap the Queen and Harey Potar and Satin and Obaka and Lauren" Sholk sed "Im prolly gunna run 4 King of Briten in the nex elecshan 2 maek Briten a gud plase wer everone is Christen and we no that Amerka is betar than us. Also u can be my gurlfrend so that u can be Queen and also so everone will no ur not a lesban."
"Ok" I sed. So Me and Sholk wented back 2 teh Smahs Manshan 4 an advenitur. Wat wil hapen next? Fined ot next cahpter!!!