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“Okay everyone,” Clarke yelled over the loud music and the sound of chattering at their girls-only New Year’s Eve party. Octavia turned down the volume on her phone so that everyone could hear what Clarke was going to say. “There’s only a few minutes left until 2020, so in our last moments of 2019 we should all come up with New Year’s Resolutions.”
The girls all cheered and gathered together to each other’s resolutions.
“I’ll start,” Clarke continued, pouring the remaining bottle of bubbly into everyone’s near empty glasses. “My resolution for 2020 is to finally get engaged!”
“Cheers!” Maya toasted, and the girls all took a sip, clapping and whistling.
“My New Year’s resolution is to finally start going to the gym,” Octavia said, raising her glass and taking another sip.
“A classic but a good one,” Clarke approved, nodding and sipping her drink. She turned to Maya. “Okay Maya, what’s yours?”
“Mine is obviously to finally apply for, and get into, nursing school,” she said, and the other girls cheered and applauded.
“Yes girl, you can do it!” Harper said encouragingly. “Mine is to get out of the country on a romantic getaway.”
“Oh please, that’s too easy,” Octavia scoffed, shaking her head.
“But it’s achievable,” Harper pointed out. “No one said they had to be hard things to accomplish.”
“Okay, okay, it’s my turn,” Raven interrupted, not realising in her drunkenness that they were still discussing the validity of Harper’s resolution. “My New Year’s Resolution… Is to stop sleeping with Murphy.” Octavia whistled excitedly as Maya patted her on the back.
“You go girl, I know you’ve got the willpower to do it,” Harper agreed. Clarke shoved a party popper into her hand and gave the rest of the group one each, keeping one for herself.
“Alright are we ready for the countdown?” Clarke said, staring intently at her phone. “Ten…”
“Nine…” the other girls joined in. “Eight… Seven… Six… Five… Four… Three… Two… One… Happy New Year!” They all pulled the party poppers, then one by one gave each other a peck on the lips.
-
Raven hadn’t been too messy on New Year’s Eve, so her New Year’s Day wasn’t overly awful. She was exhausted, though, and spent almost the whole day in bed watching Netflix, once she’d found the motivation to drive herself home from Clarke’s house. Most of the others had still been asleep when she left, so she knew she can’t have been worse than they were.
It was the day after however, that she woke up to a tapping on her window and knew exactly what was going to come next. Her stomach was tense knowing what she was about to do.
She opened her curtains and there was Murphy, as she knew he would be. She opened the window and he instinctively lifted his leg to climb in, but she quickly pushed it down again.
“We’re not doing this anymore,” Raven told him firmly, shutting her window slightly so that there wasn’t enough room for him to climb in. Murphy folded his arms and frowned in confusion.
“What’s the problem?” he asked curtly. Raven folded her arms too, mirroring him.
“I made it my New Year’s Resolution to stop sleeping with you,” she replied matter-of-factly. Murphy couldn’t help but laugh at that.
“Right, and no one’s ever broken a New Year’s Resolution before,” he said with a grin. “Come on, let me in.” Raven closed the window even more, leaving only a crack so that he could still hear her.
“I mean it, Murphy,” Raven told him. “We aren’t doing this anymore.”
“You were the one who wanted it this way to start with when I told you I wanted a relationship,” Murphy pointed out. “I don’t see what the big deal is now.”
“This whole thing is toxic,” Raven began. “You’re my drug dealer, for starters, so really we should never have even started sleeping together. For another thing, I’m going back to college soon and it really isn’t great for my reputation to keep this going.”
Murphy let out a breath in disbelief. “You really think you’re better than me,” he realised, taking a step back from her window. “Okay well just a reminder, I’m not your drug dealer, I just happen to know where to get the best weed from. At worst, I’m a middle-man. You may be going back to college but before you get on your high horse about who’s ruining whose reputation, let’s not forget that you’re the one still living with your parents going more into debt each day, meanwhile I’m living alone and already part owner in a business. Think about that when you’re lonely at night, Raven.”
With that, Murphy turned and walked away. Raven slammed her window closed the rest of the way and forcefully closed her curtains, seething at the audacity Murphy had to call her out like that and hurt at how deep the words cut. At least it seemed like her New Year’s Resolution would be pretty easy now.
-
Two weeks went by and Raven and Murphy hadn’t said a word to each other since the incident. There had been a couple of times Raven had gone to send him a text, but every time it felt stupid and she’d delete what she’d written. She tried reminding herself that this was a good thing, that she had wanted this. But she hadn’t wanted to stop seeing him altogether, and she was now realising she wanted things to go back to exactly the way they were.
Raven got her phone out and typed out a message.
Hey Murphy, any chance you could score me some more weed for the weekend?
She hit send. It seemed casual enough that he might respond to it. After all, she didn’t want to seem desperate. Not when she was the one who ended it. The response came back a minute later.
Sorry, I don’t do that shit anymore. I can give you the name of my guy, but you’ll have to get it yourself this time around.
Raven glared at the response on her phone, annoyed at the fact he wouldn’t even see her. If he was going to be like that, then she was going to have to pay him a visit.
She got on her motorbike and rode to the wine bar Murphy owned and worked at. They’d just opened for lunch so she knew he’d be there.
As Raven walked in, she saw Murphy wiping down the counters and immediately walked over to him. He rolled his eyes when he saw her and continued wiping everything down.
“Hi Murphy,” Raven said sweetly, as if their last interaction hadn’t ended with him insulting her. “How are you today?”
“What do you want, Raven?” Murphy sighed, clearly not interested in small talk. Raven’s smile vanished as she realised, he really had no interest in seeing her.
“Wow, you actually hate me, don’t you?” she wondered aloud. “I didn’t realise what I said offended you so much.”
Murphy still wouldn’t look up at her as he walked around wiping down bar stools and tables. Raven followed him as he went. “I could never hate you, Raven,” Murphy assured her, shaking his head. “And what you said didn’t offend me, but it did give me some clarity.”
Raven furrowed her brow. She had no idea what that was supposed to mean. “Anyway, the reason I really came here is to tell you I was wrong,” she stated confidently. “My New Year’s Resolution was stupid and I want to break it.”
Murphy finally stopped what he was doing and looked up at her, his eyebrow raised in intrigue. He folded his arms. “You’re kidding, right?” he said. Raven frowned.
“No, why would I be kidding?” she demanded, getting frustrated. “I just want things to go back to how they were.”
“No,” Murphy replied firmly. Raven was taken aback.
“No?” she repeated, crossing her arms.
“You were right in the first place, we were toxic,” he explained. “But not for you. I shouldn’t have agreed to a casual relationship with you at all, not when you knew I wanted more.”
Raven’s draw dropped. She was so confused. “But you did agree to it, so why is it such a big deal to go back to how it was?” she asked.
“Come on, Raven,” Murphy said exasperatedly. “I’m in love with you, haven’t you been paying attention?”
“But I…” Raven began.
“If you’re not going to buy anything, I’d appreciate if you left my store,” Murphy interrupted, clearly exhausted with this conversation, knowing it wasn’t going anywhere. Raven left the store, got back on her motorbike and rode home.
She couldn’t believe the conversation they’d just had. She’d always kind of known he’d had a crush on her, but love? There was no way.
Raven thought about the conversation all afternoon, going over each comment in her head over and over again until she almost made herself crazy. She finally decided she needed help figuring the whole thing out. She picked up her phone and called Clarke.
“Hello?” Clarke answered after a few rings.
“Hey, Clarke, I need your help,” Raven said urgently.
“Oh my god, is everything okay?” Clarke asked, panic in her voice.
“Yes, sorry, everything’s fine,” Raven assured her. “It’s just boy troubles.”
Clarke sighed in relief. “Is this to do with Murphy?” she sighed tiredly. It almost sounded like she was sick of hearing about him.
“Yeah,” Raven replied, sheepishly. She knew she’d been talking about him a little too much lately. Her friends really must be sick of it. “He told me he was in love with me.”
“Of course he is,” Clarke said obviously. “How have you not realised that before?”
“I don’t know,” Raven said defensively. “It’s not like he’s ever come out and said it until now. Anyway, he doesn’t want to start hooking up again, but I can’t just not see him. What should I do?”
“That depends on how you feel about him,” Clarke replied.
“I have no idea how I feel about him! I like him, a lot, but we’re so… different,” Raven pondered. “I don’t know if we can just be friends but I also don’t want to be strangers.”
“If you can’t imagine your life without him, then it kind of sounds like you love him, too,” Clarke pointed out. Raven sat up straight at that.
“Oh, shit. I think you’re right,” she realised. “Thanks Clarke, I have to go.”
Raven hung up the phone and rolled off her bed where she’d been sitting. She put some shoes on and hurried out the door, climbed on her motorbike and headed to Murphy’s house.
When she got there, she took a deep breath before knocking on the door, her heart racing. Murphy was the one who answered. He frowned when he saw her.
“What are you doing here?” he asked tiredly. “I thought we already went over everything earlier today.”
“I know, but just hear me out,” Raven said hurriedly, as if she was scared time would run out and she’d miss her chance. “What I said after New Year’s was a total mistake. I don’t really think I’m better than you or that we’re toxic together. I think I was just scared because, well, being in love with someone is scary, and sometimes you push them away to keep yourself safe. But the thing is, Murphy, I am in love with you and I do want to be with you.”
Murphy grinned at that. “Do you really mean that?” he asked hesitantly. Raven nodded emphatically.
“I really do,” she replied. Murphy stepped towards her and pulled her into a kiss, wrapping his arms around her waist. She melted into him, reaching her arms around his neck. It had never felt so right. They pulled away and looked at each other, their arms still locked in position and their faces almost touching.
“I love you, too,” Murphy whispered. Raven smiled.
“I know,” she said, and she pulled him back into the kiss.