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MAY I
"No," he said, his hand firmly clasped around his glass, his eyes fixed on the last sip of whiskey in it.
„Dean, most people are gone already. “
„Cas…I'm- I’m sorry, I can’t…“ His eyes flickered briefly over Castiel. He looked ready to go, as well. He had taken off his jacket and had loosened the tight bowtie around his neck, that had been bothering him all day already. But even with his slightly tired eyes and tipsy cheeks he was still watching him attentively.
„Look around Dean. Nobody’s watching. Nobody even cares.“
But he just sat there stubbornly, staring into his glass again, fighting with himself. He felt Castiel leaning forward and tug back a stray hair, that was tingling his forehead. The light touch made him flinch. Avoiding Castiels eyes he was leaning back, glancing around the room.
His gaze wandered over his brother and his wife, still drinking Margaritas at the bar, talking in wild signing, giggling about stuff and being fully in love. Besides Eileen’s dress you couldn’t even tell that it was their wedding happening today, with them being one of the last and most drunken guests. There was just John, who might have been even more drunk, sitting alone at a corner table with an open bottle of whiskey, staring with glazed eyes to the dancefloor, where Bobby and Mary were still dancing along with some other people.
“I know they just want you to be happy. They won’t say anything, Dean. Come on.” Castiel reached out a hand, as a sign for him to take it. The back of his hand lightly touched his leg. And he had to close his eyes for a second, as he couldn’t stand the look in Cas’ sad puppy eyes. For a moment he just tried to shut down the world, his thoughts and the guilt of how many times he had already denied them. Even the sudden gratitude, that overcame him, about that Cas was still with him, couldn’t stop his struggle.
Unhappy with himself he let his jaw grind in irresolution and drum his fingers nervously against the glass.
Then, nodding to himself he set his jaw, took the last sip of his glass and then Castiel’s hand. His palms were sweaty, and his breath was short and nervous, and he could feel his heart in his throat. This was stupid.
“Just concentrate on me, Dean”, Castiel said, as they took the few steps to the dancefloor. Castiel took the lead, held his right hand in his, guided his other to Castiel’s hip and pressing their bodies together. Their eyes met and he felt his face flushing. Still embarrassed he avoided further eye contact and better concentrated on watching his feet’s and minding his steps, as they slowly started to move.
Trying to calm down, he allowed himself to be fully guided by Cas and closed his eyes. He barely noticed the music over his own heart, that was still pounding stronger than usual. There was a hint of that salted-caramel honey pie in the air, Cas had for dessert. And he could feel Cas' warm hand in his, the other heavy on his back and their bellies lightly touching. He felt his close breath over his lips, it was quiet and calm and had the soothing effect he was hoping for.
Slowly spinning he dared to take a look. He was catching his mother’s loving smile, who was still dancing tight embraced with Bobby. And Eileen’s thumbs up next to Sam’s wide grin, that made him look like a dumb moose. He huffed to himself and shook his head, before catching sight of his father. But John had sunken down on his chair, mildly snoring with his glass still in his hand. It was probably for the best. He could deal with him, when they were both sober and neither with his mother nor Bobby in the same room.
Still a bit tense he tried to lean in closer, pressing his hip more heavily against Cas. Their foreheads were touching. Castiel smiled at him reassuring and squeezed his hand tight. Looking into Cas' face, seeing the cheery crinkle on his eyes and his lips curved into a content smile, he knew that it was right. And he could just lean against him and smile back.