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Friend is simply just a word. But the power that possessed it acts like a strong barrier over different spaces. Yeosang got used with the title despite the sound of it felt bitterly awful to be spoken. He promised himself.
Though, it’s getting worser and worser each day as he spent more time with Wooyoung.
At first, he never noticed how cold his gaze him every time he saw Wooyoung hanging out with someone else instead of himself. Yeosang doesn’t feel right, especially when Hongjoong tend to snap him out whenever his brows frowned unconsciously. He was attaching a friendly look yet it fails miserably. The saying eyes never tell lies was undeniably true.
“Nothing.” Yeosang usually just brushes it off after Hongjoong asked why. Of course, it’s not nothing. Hongjoong knew by looking at Yeosang’s untouched meal and by how he sighs heavily as his eyes fixated into something in the distance. The fact that they were chilling in the canteen university but Yeosang’s mind absolutely out of the place already.
“Yunho said that you’re having a final assignment due this month,” Hongjoong stared. “Is that the cause of your frustration?”
“… Yeah. Perhaps.” An uneasiness crawls around Yeosang’s ribcage, words stuck on top of his lungs. Even telling his own feelings to his senior is considered impossible at this point.
“Oh, Seonghwa called. I’ll see you again after class!” Hongjoong puts his ringing device on his pierced ears and immediately waves a quick farewell. Before Yeosang even replied to it, his hyung was already laughing joyfully over his phone. Yeosang’s smile faded slowly. Hongjoong is very lucky to always have Seonghwa who clings and asks him every occasion.
Yeosang wonders how does it feels like. Having someone pouring their warm greetings exclusively to him without Yeosang having to mount up guilt.
“Yeosangie! Oh my god!” A sudden high-pitched voice crashes against his consciousness. The person giggled uncontrollably when his hands perching on top of Yeosang’s shoulders. Without looking up, Yeosang perfectly could describe this noisy person. “I didn’t realize you were here! I was busy talking to San. The good news is, he treated me strawberry cream buns. It’s delicious because it’s discounted and it’s from San. You should try it.”
Yeosang’s hands faintly sways the food away. Lips pursued. “I know. I was watching.” And it feels like torture.
Wooyoung turned into Yeosang once more, arms are dangling from behind. He squeezed his cheeks on Yeosang’s in a tight embrace. Which made Yeosang got taken a back for a brief seconds before he slightly pushes Wooyoung, abashed.
“We’re in public. Stop it.” No. It doesn’t matter if they hugged in public, actually. Yeosang was more than okay with the condition. It’s just that his heart said no. He knew Wooyoung did that without thinking any further, cannot be compared with his own beliefs. It sucks knowing that he’s the only one who had to fought beats skipping.
“Heee,” Wooyoung puckered his lips in disappointment. More like, sulky. And Yeosang swears he tried not to stare at his rosy plump lips because heck, he looks cute and kissable. “Fine then. Aren’t you gonna finish your lunch? We still have 10 minutes until our next class.”
“Suddenly I don’t feel hungry anymore.”
“I doubted that. You didn’t even had breakfast. For God’s sake, Kang Yeosang!” Wooyoung huffs. “Do not! Make me worried like that.”
Why should he be worried? “Haha, kinda rushed this morning. I forgot to buy breakfast because I had to chase the bus early.” Wooyoung probably has said that thousand times to everyone else. Yeosang is not a special snowflake. He knew his position and he won’t be flattered on such cheap attention.
“Yeosangie…,” Wooyoung’s tone softened. A concerned one. “I’m serious…”
“Whoops, class time,” Cutting Wooyoung’s last sentence, Yeosang quickly grabs his phone and resulting the cartoon character strap to make noises when it bumped the table. The strap was a present from Wooyoung. Yeosang loved it so much, too much even, and took care of it thoroughly. “Come on, let us not be late.
Yeosang pretends that he felt nothing. Or, he wanted to feel nothing.
It’s complicated. Yeosang hated this. He’s craving for Wooyoung’s effortless affection, Wooyoung’s endearing small laughter, Wooyoung’s harmless pranks. But he just couldn’t step any further. The boundary grew thicker. He doesn’t know anymore whether he’s wanting to keep this relationship or stating honesty that he might be catching feelings gradually.
“Yeosangie…”
“Hm?”
Yeosang felt dumb to realize that Wooyoung was still following him. His facial expression didn’t change a bit. Intonation still playful like always. How much Yeosang adored Wooyoung’s pretty features and face structure, perfectly fits between his cupped hands.
“Should I confess…?”
All of a sudden, Yeosang’s legs turned numb. His heart dropped into a deepest pit. The urge of yelling into the void never felt so tempting before.
No way.
“… To who?” Acting is tiring. This is just pure sacrifice.
“Don’t tell anyone! I’ve been crushing on San since our first semester! I’m nervous… I didn’t even tell Yunho about this. Well, Yeosangie is different because Yeosangie is my best friend, right? Ah, and about that, i mean, about San… Maybe I should gift him something on his birthday….”
Yeosang isn’t listening anymore. It hurted way more than he imagined. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Nobody ruined it, only Yeosang who dumbfoundedly being a hopeless romantic with his own best friend. Things aren’t the same like the beginning. At the end, he got disillusioned, hopes shattered.
Because of a stupid promise he made for himself.
“Don’t worry, Wooyoungie. San will love you back, I’m certain of it. Good luck.” Yeosang wears a smile in which Wooyoung responded cheerfully.
Friend is simply just a word. But acts as painful as a blade.