Chapter Text
She can’t believe it’s over. College is over. Countless days and nights spent slouching over a computer screen, wanting to pull her hair out of her head in intense frustration and stress, all those assignments, exams, and everything in between, over. She’ll no longer have to worry about completing her degree, about passing subjects, about finding a job. She has a job. She is a lawyer. She’s done it. It’s over. It’s all over. While she’s glad it’s over (studying is far from her favourite way to spend her time) and she’s glad to no longer be surrounded by sweaty frat boys and vain girls (well, she’s sure she’ll encounter many more in her lifetime), she’s also really fucking sad.
She doesn’t want to leave her friends behind. She’s finally found her people. She finally belongs. She’s never had people that she can always count on, people that always check on her, always make sure she’s okay and are ready to hurt anyone who’s ever hurt her (see: David punching her asshole of an ex, Neal, flat in the nose and breaking it). For all those countless days and nights spent pushing her brain to the extreme, they were always there. Mary Margaret was always around to make sure she was eating enough (and eating healthy enough), talk to her about boys, talk to her about anything and everything. She’s never really gotten along with other girls, but now that she has Mary Margaret, she knows she was missing out. After all, you can’t get manicures with boys.
And then there’s David. The brother she never had. It’s odd for men to care about her without expecting something in return. But David is completely and helplessly in love with Mary Margaret, so it’s easy to see that the care he has for Emma is purely brotherly (and maybe fatherly) affection. It makes her heart swell. Sure, sometimes he can be pretty annoying with the overprotective crap, but he means well, she always reminds herself of that fact. He’s great to talk to when she doesn’t want an over the top reaction (see: Mary Margaret screaming at the top of her lungs when Emma told her she had feelings for another of their friends and grabbing the attention of everybody in the diner) or when she wants someone who can assess situations without letting their emotions get the better of them.
Of course, she can’t forget Ruby. A force of nature. She’s learnt many things from Ruby (most quite inappropriate) but the thing she admires most about Ruby is her unabashed confidence in any and every situation. She’s always herself, and unashamedly so. It’s pretty amazing, and it’s helped Emma to be more confident in herself, to realise that she can do anything (and anyone) she wants. With Ruby comes (lol) her girlfriend, Belle. Belle’s always had this quiet confidence that she also admires, but Belle’s superpower is her unconditional understanding. She seems to be able to read Emma in ways that the other three can’t. And while Emma appreciates that to no end, she also sometimes doesn’t. Like, in situations like these for example, with Belle looking at her like she can read her every thought, and she hates it.
They’re celebrating graduating. They’ve had countless rounds of jugs of beer, pims and other concoctions she unfortunately has no idea what entailed. In other words, she’s definitely on the way to being quite fucked. But she deserves it. They all deserve it. The bar they’ve settled into for the night is one they haven’t been to before. It’s quiet in the little corner they’ve inhabited, well-hidden from other members of the bar, a nice addition of a pool table that they haven’t had the chance to play yet. No time for playing pool when you’re sharing embarrassing stories about your entire college life. Without all the alcohol she’s sure she wouldn’t be able to sit through this torture, but she finds she’s buzzed enough to just not care, at all. She’s buzzed enough to only care about the way it feels with his arm tucked behind her, with her head resting on his shoulder, with their legs pressed tightly together from thigh to ankle.
He looks so damn good in the dim light of the bar. His blue eyes are sparkling with mirth and something else she’s not ready to name. And while she’s devasted to be leaving Mary Margaret and David, and Ruby and Belle, she’s not sure her heart can even handle the thought of leaving Killian. She can’t even look at him without fearing she’ll breakdown and decide to never ever leave his side for the rest of her life. She’s never been so connected to a person. She’s never felt this way before, her feelings so strong she’s afraid to even admit them (except for that one time to Mary Margaret). They’re just friends. No, he’s her best friend, the best friend she’s ever had, and she’s absolutely terrified to lose him.
But god, does he look good right now. And he smells good too. He always smells good – like sea salt and rum. She doesn’t even know how he always smells like sea-salt with the limited amount of time he’s had to get out on the sea lately (college absolutely kicking his ass), but he does. It’s such an addicting smell. She’ll always think of him when she’s near the ocean or drinking rum. He’s corrupted her for life. She wonders if he’d taste like rum as well. He would, she muses, because despite them ordering jugs of countless different drinks, the loser decided to only drink rum and coke the entire night. He’s nothing but consistent, and hot. Very, very hot.
It doesn’t make sense to her. He could have anyone he wanted, he could capture the attention of anyone (and he does) but he just doesn’t seem to notice (or he does and he doesn’t care). He hasn’t dated anyone in so long, just spends all his free time with her. I mean, she doesn’t date either, but she’s prickly, so she has an excuse. They never talk about it. In fact, the seem to talk about everything but that. She loves their conversations, so stimulating and intellectual while so weird and random at the same time. She lives for their banter. But that doesn’t stop other people from trying to talk to them about it (the amount of times that people have asked if they’re dating makes her want to scream (out of annoyance at being asked so many times, or her frustration over the fact that they aren’t dating, she’s not sure)).
It drives her insane. He’s obviously an insanely attractive man (and at first she was quite apprehensive about letting her guard down for a man that seemed too good to be true) but he’s so much more than that as well. He’s so understanding and attentive, so thoughtful and caring, so smart and funny and giving. He buys her a coffee every Wednesday morning before they both head to their 8am lectures (at completely different buildings since he studies medicine and she studies law) and brings it to her dorm room before walking her to her class. Every time she has to be at college late, or has a late night out with her friends, he picks her up and sees her home safe. Every time. But more than that, he’s a kindred spirit. He’s known so much loss, and over nights eating ice cream straight out of the tub while watching trashy rom coms, he’s shared every single detail of his past with her, and her him. They have a bond she’s so scared of breaking.
But she wants more. God, she wants more. And she thinks he does too. But making that step always seemed too far out of reach, and now it’s too late. They’re moving to different cities. That’s it. And she doesn’t know what to do. So she clings to him the entire night, but she doesn’t look him in the eyes. She ignores the pointed looks from Belle and Mary Margaret, just focuses on drinking until her heart doesn’t ache anymore. They’ve finished telling stories now, and decide to make use of the pool table they’ve been ignoring all night. She’s Killian’s partner, naturally, and they let Belle and Ruby know that they’re going to trash them (in good spirit). Mary Margaret and David are still in the corner booth, hands and lips in places she doesn’t want to think about (but she knows they’re about 5 minutes from calling it a night and going home to do things she also doesn’t want to think about).
Killian is so close to her. She can feel him everywhere, but it’s still not enough. Their hands are in places that are almost inappropriate, but not enough so for alarm bells to go off inside her head (though, considering how drunk and emotional she is, she’s not sure those alarm bells are going to come at all tonight). She still can’t look him in the eyes, but she can feel his eyes all over her, burning holes into her skin and making her feel so, so alive. She tries to focus on the game of pool, but her lack of coordination is extremely evident, causing Killian to come up behind her, cover her body with his as he leans over her, and align her shot for her. She’s never been so turned on in her life and she can’t stop herself from pushing her ass back into his groin, almost moaning herself as he lets out a low groan. She needs to stop before she can’t stop herself at all, but she’s already too far gone to care.
At some point during their interaction, not only Mary Margaret and David, but also Belle and Ruby, have left the bar and gone home. But Emma hardly notices, too caught up in this unspoken thing between her and Killian. She wants him and she’s going to have him, finally, before she says the hardest goodbye of her life in the morning. She turns around in his grip, finally gazing into his too blue eyes. He’s trying to express so much to her through them, she knows, but she just doesn’t want to think anymore, so she leans up and finally moulds their lips together. He sighs into the kiss before kissing her back intensely, their tongues quickly finding their way together, their hands finally exploring places considered inappropriate. She finally has him, and she doesn’t know how she’s ever going to let him go.