Work Text:
it's too quiet without you.
i hadn't realized how much i had enjoyed your presence, enjoyed the whirlwind of chaos that seemed to follow you wherever you went - one that still seems to follow you, still.
rules are important, of course. but the way that you seem to disregard every rule ever and make a place for yourself in my life and in my heart without me even realizing is something almost exhilarating. and the way that seeing you again, meeting your eyes through a crowded marketplace, feels like coming home -
well. perhaps even i can be selfish.
it's strange to me, how a cave i have never visited before in the worst parts of yiling can feel more comfortable to me than the spacious rooms and the beautiful grounds of the cloud recesses. how watching you with a-yuan and watching you endear yourself to almost every member of the wen remnants makes me feel proud of you, happy that you've found a place of your own that you're satisfied with. and it's strange to me that instead of simply feeling happy for you, i feel...empty.
we could have had this together, couldn't we? if i had stayed by your side instead of turning away?
but maybe it's for the best. they're better off with wei wuxian, former troublemaker of the jiang sect, the man that's the sole reason for uncle regularly considering adding new rules to the already extensive lan sect collection. maybe it's better that you don't think i'm right for you anymore, even though i want to stay so desperately, because i already know.
i'd only hold you back. it's not fair to you, or to the wen sect remnants that you've taken in, and the best i can do for you is promising that i won't stand in your way.
so i have to leave. the child - a-yuan - wants me to come to dinner. you look so hopeful, and i know you want the same thing. but i can't.
and i may linger, may watch as you and a-yuan walk back looking for all the world like a father and his son.
but we've said our goodbyes.