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You were thirteen when he wanted to be your friend.
He sat next to you in art class, only with his dark charcoal pencil as his utensil. He drew peculiar lines and shapes and sometimes portrait. Your teacher loves them but you cannot understand it.
Your teacher, once said that he would’ve made an astounding art prodigy if his arts were to be seen by the world. She said his talent is hidden in this crappy little island. But Taehyung doesn’t really mind it, he once whispered to you, “I like it here, I don’t think my arts is that big of a deal anyway”.
You laughed along because the thirteen year old you never knew nor care about a guy named Van Gogh. Taehyung used to tell you about that guy. Not wanting to look like an ignorant, you used all of your extra pocket money to get into Mr. Lee’s cyber cafe. Using the internet to find out more about the man Taehyung always talk about.
You were confused, for someone who painted in vibrant color, Van Gogh is actually a sad guy.
Unlike him. Taehyung was a vibrant kid and you noticed he only used dark colors in his paintings. You always paint everything in red and yellow. Those are you favorite, probably because of your field and track jersey. Since you keep seeing those colors, you tend to use them the most.
One day, on your practice day, Taehyung sat spreading his legs on the bench. Quite close to you but you still squint your eyes. Unsure if it’s actually him or just some other boy who wore the exact baggy beige pants that you always see on him, why is he here? Maybe he’s waiting for a friend.
You just finished a total of five set 100 meter runs before you realized that he is actually looking at you. From almost a yard away from him, you waved your hand “Taehyung?”
“Yea,” one arm on his knee, the other one is waving back at you.
“Waiting for someone?” you yelled, hoping that he can hear you.
“No one, just watching you,” Taehyung said.
You jog closer to him, because you think you misheard that he was here watching you, not waiting for someone. Wait?
“What?” you pant while wiping sweat on your forehead.
“I said, I was watching you running,” he beamed, looking up at you.
“There isn’t any particular reason. I was just nearby when I saw your team having a practice.”
“And somehow you decided to stay?” You asked.
“I am curious. I really wanted to see you in the field. I saw you in your jersey all the time after our class. I never gets to see you in action, so yea, I decided to stay and watch you,”
“Well, that’s…”
“Too weird?” Taehyung scooted to provide you some space on the bench. His big hand lightly tapping on the free spot, luring you to sit next to him.
“No, not really. We just don’t really talk in class and I was just..shocked?” you’re making sure there’s a gap in between your thighs and his because you’re conscious of your sweaty smelly self.
He chuckled and you stared at his boxy smiles. There it is, the infamous smile that swooned everyone in this little island.
“Silly, I thought we’re friends? At least I considered us friends the moment you let me borrow your yellow painting.” He turns his whole upper body, fully facing you now. He uses your yellow for the dandelion he drew and he may be purposely drew that so he can talk to you.
Crap. I’m so sweaty like a pig right now,
“To make things clear, can we be friends?” Taehyung smiles at you.
“Sure,” was your only answer. Damnit you can feel the sweat running down the valley of your nonexistent beasts and you wanted this to end before Taehyung can see it through your thin jersey.
Since that day, Taehyung never missed a day of your practice. Just sitting all by himself on the bench until it’s over, and after that you walked home together.
At seventeen, he wiped the tears and kissed the pain away.
If Taehyung was told to rate three of his hardest moments in his life, number three would be sending you off on the ferry to town. You have become a very successful athlete, number one track runner in your hometown representing your school. You were always away for running events.
Once a month, you’re cruising on the ferry, off to the big city. It pains Taehyung to watch you go out of the island where he still stuck there. But he insisted on sending you and picking you up. Because that way he can soothes his heart by sending you safely and knowing you will always come back home.
Just like any other month. Taehyung is waiting by the station on his bike. Ready to pick you up. He is imagining your silly face with gold medal on your neck. “Taetae I won! Again!” Like any other month. Taehyung can’t help it. He has grown to care about you a lot. He has become your number one supporter, always there at the finished line.
Taehyung knows by heart the schedule of the ferry. The ferry leaves at 7 am every morning and the last trip from the town is always at 5 pm, the journey took two hours and right now his watch is showing 7pm. Just like any other month, he predicted your loud scream can be heard by now.
Except, this time it was silent.
The ferry was here but he couldn’t hear your giggles, his heart was beating fast. Something is not right.
Standing up, he runs to the ferry. Calling for you. “___!”
His frantic eyes catches few people coming out but he couldn’t find you. What happened? Times like this makes him more anxious because he couldn’t call you. Promising himself to get a phone as soon as he can.
One hand on his hip and the other is rubbing his face, he broke into a cold sweat. Just before he almost turned around and grab his bike to look for your coach, he saw a solemn figure at the back side of the ferry.
His second hard moments in his life is watching you injured.
His heart beats like a drum when he saw you in crutches, one leg is wrapped and head down looking at the floor. He walks with a heavy heart to you, whispering your name as if it calling you out loud would break your already fragile state.
“Hey, look at me,” Taehyung speaks softly as he put his thumb and his forefinger on your chin. Prompting you to look up to him. He gasped after his eyes set on your face. Your lower lip is busted and red with dried blood, your eyes are swollen, which he assumes from crying.
His greatest fear, your tears.
“Taetae,” the break in your voice is stabbing Taehyung all over the place.
“Shh, It’s okay, you’re okay.” He cupped your face with his hands. Eyes frowning seeing you in pain. Taehyung wishes there are things such as transferring pain because he right now he wanted to take yours.
“I lost,” you sob, letting tears and snot rolling down your face. The sting on your lip is the least pain you can feel.
“Oh sweetheart, it’s just one lost. I’m sure you did your best.” Taehyung cooed as he wipes your tears and snot.
“No, it’s not gonna be one lost from now on. I tripped and fell so hard. It’s gonna take months to heal,” you hiccups and Taehyung swears this is the sound that breaks his heart the most and he vow to keep you away from it.
“I’m gonna miss the nationals, Tae what am I gonna do?” you wail. Breathing becomes hard. With hiccups and sobbing and blurry view because of the tears, you’re breaking down in his arms.
“Shh shh, take a deep breath for me. Come on ___, don’t scare me. Please baby, please breathe.” he puts his forehead on yours. Hoping to ground you back to him. Thumbs rubbing softly on your cheeks.
The term of endearment didn’t go unnoticed by you. “Taetae,”. You still sobbing as you leaned on him.
Taehyung is terrified, he never saw you cried this hard. He doesn’t know how to calm you and it kills him to not be able to do anything to lessen your pain. So he kissed you, softly. On your forehead, on your cheeks, on your eyelids, on your nose.
The traces of his kisses feels like a feathery touch. And your sense is following his trails. Closing your eyes you’re no longer sobbing. Only soft whimpers fill the space.
“There we go. No more, baby.” Taehyung is relieved now that he can feel you breathing at a steady pace again. “Let’s go home,” he hesitated when his eyes landed on your lips. Swollen red from the biting.
You noticed the lingering stare and with a beat of the heart you crash your lips on his. Seeking for comfort and warmth, and Taehyung is soaring high.
He piggyback you home first and come back again later to pick up his bike and your crutches. From that day onward, you both knew that you aren’t just friends anymore.
You have been itchy to get your feet back on track and once the cast was off, you swear you’re gonna spend every evening running. It wasn’t ideal since the injury was bad and you were advised to stay put until it completely healed.
But you were so determined to get back on track because your only goal is getting into nationals. You have planned it out. Since you don’t perform well academically, running is your only golden ticket out of the island. You got to join the national teams. You must.
The evening after you took off your cast accompanied with Taehyung, you asked him to drop you off at the track field.
“What are we gonna do in the field?___, you’re not planning on running aren’t you?” Taehyung speaks with a scrunched eyebrows.
“Taetae, please. I really missed the track.” You pouted and he’s a goner.
“No running!” He pointed his finger at you. You smirk before pretending to bite it.
“No running,” he flicked your forehead. “We’re just gonna take a walk, okay?” he hums, turning around to make sure you’re securely safe on the back of his bike.
“I promise.” You squeezed his waist, an answer yes I’m alright back here Taetae.
You have no idea how much you missed the track until Taehyung helped you down from the bike. The sudden gush of air fills your lungs like you’ve come up from drowning. Taehyung can sense that you’re become quite overwhelmed. His hand enveloping yours as he kissed your temple.
“Come on,” he whispered.
Rahhhh!! Rahhh!!!
The chant of the crowd broke a smile on your face. You missed it, you missed smelling the old burgundy track, feeling the burn from the sun, the sweat and the satisfying burn in your lungs when you reached the finish line.
You missed a certain someone waiting there. With his ridiculous boxy grin, and his booming cheers, muting other sound and you can hear nothing but his voice.
It is so hard to be the one sitting in the audience instead of being on the track.
Taehyung left you for a minute to buy some lemonade and you desperately need him to ground you. Otherwise you’d be a crying mess. Yearning to be on the track but your almost healing leg is holding you back.
It is an annual event, something like sports day for the people in your island. It wasn’t even a big event, unlike the ones you used to compete. But your heart hummed in a painful tone. You’re jealous of those who can run freely on the track you held dear to your heart.
A soft tap on your shoulder broke you from you wallowing in self-pity. Taehyung sat next to you, hands holding two cups of lemonade. He knows coming here is not a good idea but you woke up so early and dressed up to be here. He doesn’t have the heart to say no.
Seeing your frowning face, Taehyung started to think maybe he should’ve said no or maybe brings you somewhere else but here.
“Hey, did I tell you that Miss Choi is helping me to submit my art to National Art School?” Taehyung winced at his futile attempt to distract you. No, Taehyung, this isn’t about you. He bit the inner cheek. Handing you a cup of lemonade before he could think of anything to turn back the time.
“No way,” you gasped. Not the reaction he expected but he was glad.
“Taetae! You didn’t tell me. How could you!” you punched his shoulder. “Ah I’m so happy. Finally. Let the city people look at your arts. They gonna praise you Taetae!” You smile adoringly and Taehyung hated that he had one thought you wouldn’t be happy for him.
“Yea, but I’m not sure yet what piece should I submit. I’m not that good and nope before you can scream at me let me finish,” he raised his finger on your lips. Just managed to stop you from gasping out loud.
What an outrageous statement! Kim Taehyung’s arts are the most magnificent arts. Thought you have no clue how to appreciate arts but you would break hell if people couldn’t appreciate his art.
“It’s a tough competition, even if my piece were received and reviewed, the chances of me getting in there is thin. There are so many talented artists out there, ___. Let’s not put up a high hopes. Not to mention I haven’t had a decent piece to submit yet.” he sighed. Shoulders slumped and he emptied the lemonade in one go.
He is nervous.
Looking at him, you squished his cheeks with your hands. “Look at me,” you demanded.
“Your arts are the most breathtaking art I have ever seen Kim Taehyung. And it’s a lot coming from me, who is practically blind when it comes to looking at paintings. I have zero knowledge about art but I know for sure, yours are gonna blow some minds. There’s people out there who studied arts, they will look at yours and be amazed by them.” You said.
“And you will always have a good arts, they’re not just decent. You always said when the inspiration comes, it comes. Don’t pressure yourself,” you whispered as if it’s the only secret between you and him. And you’re selfish, not wanting to share the moment with the rest of the crowds.
Taehyung didn’t know how a heart could break until that night he received a call from your mother.
“Taehyung, she fell. Again.”
The static noise filled his ears as he ran to the jetty. It was midnight and there’s no ferry to take him to you.
Stupid, stupid girl!
He cried while banging his chest. He could’ve prevent you from going. Not even a month after you recovered, you told him you wanted to participate in a tournament. It was for the scholarship. You were hellbent on going because you knew, the moment Taehyung got accepted to art school, you will be left alone.
You wanted to be in the city with him. You were so sure Taehyung will get accepted and the only way is to get the scholarship and join him in the city.
Taehyung was unsure at first. You just got better. He was scared that one slip could jeopardize your whole dream. He hated that he was right.
Your mom was sobbing when she called him. “She can never run again Tae, her muscle was torn and there’s no way we can afford a surgery. She hasn’t woken up yet, she was under a high dose painkiller. I don’t know what to tell her Tae.”
Taehyung wished he can calm your mom but he couldn’t. Not when he was crying too.
You always tell him the same dream of yours. Joining national team, go to the Olympics. Becoming the fastest runner of the country. Run until you can never feel your legs anymore. With him always telling you he’d be on the finish line. Cheering you on and on. And now the dreams will stay as dreams.
He couldn’t control his anger and thinking about your pain, he collapses on the ground. Letting the tears touched the ground. It wasn’t until he was collected enough to ride the earliest ferry to town. To come to you.
Taehyung stays by your side nights and days. Helping your mom as you doesn’t have any male figure in your life. His parents understand it and he is thankful for that. They know how much you meant to him and they were so proud to see their son has been such a reliable shoulder especially in this trivial time for your family.
He was the one who meets up with the doctor with your mom. Discussing on the recovery plan, and just being there to be your pillar. You were so quiet on the first day he arrived. The dark circles under your eyes and the hollow stare is tearing his heart apart.
Not saying much he helped feeding you, and carries you to the bathroom. You were still quite, though Taehyung tried to engage you in small talks. He makes silly jokes, the repeated jokes you always laughed at only to be received an empty response from you now.
“Tae, I wouldn’t know what to do if you aren’t here. Thank you so much, son.” Your mom cries to him. Taehyung was so heartbroken to see your mom keep crying as he himself couldn’t do much to ease the pain.
“She’ll get better, she is strong.” has become a mantra every time Taehyung sat alone, thinking about you.
One day, when the doctor allowed you to go home, you reached for him. Mumbling, “Taetae, will I be okay?” your voice was strained, rough and broken. Eyes still staring into the void but your hands held onto him so tight. Like you’re so afraid if he let go.
“Yes, you will. You’re a strong girl, you’re my strong ___,” Taehyung replied without hesitation kissed your forehead in hopes of banishing the negative thoughts from swallowing your mind.
“But I can’t run anymore. What’s the point? I am no longer a runner.”
“Maybe there’s another opportunity for you. Maybe we can try other things, I’ll help you,”
You scoffed, he sounded silly and unrealistic. “I am nothing without running. It’s my only purpose, Kim Taehyung.”
He winced at his full name used by you. “I get it but you shouldn’t lose all hope. There are other possibilities for you out there, we just have to push harder to look for them. I believe in you.” Taehyung pleads.
“You don’t get it. All my life, one thing I am sure about is the track. I beat the time every time I’m on the track and now I am defeated with a broken leg and a stupid brain. Forget academic, you and I, we both know how terrible I am at learning. I’m not you! You’re a prodigy in everything. You have people who wanted to buy your art. I only have the track to stay valid so no, no one gets it. Not even you!” you were seething through your teeth.
All of the pent up anger and frustration were let out to the one person you cared about. It’s too late to regret now that his face shows nothing but hurt.
Taehyung feels like being punched in his gut with your words. How could you, when he himself couldn’t sleep a wink from the day he heard about your injury. When worried about you every time you were on tournament. When he can barely sit still watching you running on the track.
He couldn’t said anything after that. He knows whatever comes out from his mouth will only make it worse. You were devastated, he got to understand that. You needed time and space, and you will be okay again.
Ever since you arrived home, you refused to meet anyone. Not even Taehyung. You were angry and most of all you were just sad. You wanted to be mad at something, something to blame but you couldn’t find it.
Maybe it was yourself, maybe if you weren’t so stubborn, maybe if you waited a little longer.
Taehyung did not give up. You were pushing him away and he didn’t move a flinch. He realizes he is being a pushover but you needed someone. You were stubborn, through and through. You don’t have to come out of your room to talk to him nor him entering your room like he always does, but you know he’s around, he is home.
You went to school all by yourself but Taehyung always follows behind you quietly. You didn’t talk to anyone and yet he still comes to your locker to help you carry your book.
You forgot about his art submission, until one day he comes up to your room. Knocking softly. He didn’t speak but who else would be in your house other than your mom. You opened up to see him standing holding a big white canvas under his arm.
He turns it to you, showing you a painting of a girl in her yellow and red jersey. The girl running in a field of dandelions.
“I want to submit this but I need you to see it first. You are my muse, you are my girl. It kills me to see you in this state and I want nothing but the very best of you. I used to cheer for you on the finish line but this time let me run by your side. Let me help you. If I got accepted, I will make a lot of money and I will make the best life for you, so you can stop worrying so much. We’ll learn together, just let me in.”