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He sometimes wished he was blind, he desperately tried to ignore the throbbing pain in his heart. It was a gloomy Thursday, he was out for a walk, to grab a cup of warm coffee as he made his way to the town's dentist yet he decided to take a shortcut which meant he was going to pass through a market and take a turn around the corner to reach his destination. That is an odd way to hold a 'friend'. Jeongin thought to himself as he grabbed tightly onto his backpack which was carelessly slung over his shoulder, oh you mean someone who he took a liking for…say a year? His mind unhelpfully supplied. By the coffee shop that was just across the clinic were two boys, one of them pinned down against the the brick wall, clearly no signs of discomfort, while the boy who pinned him down was well Jeongin knew the boy like the back of his hand and surely, the boy was showing off his devilish grin.
The smaller boy decided to shrug it off and enter the clinic instead, going unnoticed by the two boys who were busy staring at each other.
"Hey! Listen, I know it sounds crazy but this Christmas tree just moved on its own accord and I swear it's true! You can even stay here till you see it with your own eyes!!" Changbin's voice was booming as he pointed at the outdated pine tree decorated with tinsels and a star on top of it.
"That sounds ridiculous, I go to the bathroom for a minute and you're all delusional." Woojin exclaimed as he sat down on his swivel chair, sending a wave to his younger friend who had just witnessed his friend freak out over a tree. "If the tree attacks you out of nowhere, imma just say I told you so." The boy tutted as he continued to help Woojin. He was the assistant of one of the best dentist in town and he was currently preparing the instruments and placed a topical anesthetic gel where the patient will get the injection of anesthetic from the dentist.
"Woojin-hyung!" Jeongin chirped as he placed down the meal he had prepared for his two friends, the said older boy looked at him while rummaging through some files.
"I was wondering if you were to come home earlier than usual? I just…you know…Chan-hyung just misses you a lot and he'll arrive by midnight! We could prepare the food together you know,"
Woojin chuckled at this and gently closed the drawer.
"I will arrive don't worry, but I think you shouldn't start without me just yet." Jeongin heard Changbin cackle and the younger boy immediately pouted, "I'm not a disaster!" Woojin too joined Changbin, the two seemed to be amused by the claims of their friend.
"Is Hyunjin not coming? I know he and Chan aren't that close but doesn't he just love showing off to your brother? Like how he proves himself worthy for you?"
"You make it sound like some forbidden love story, hyung!" Jeongin whined as he scrunched his nose in disgust. Changbin raised a brow and placed his hands on his hips in startlement, "Why? Is it not? Chan was so against to the idea of his wittle baby bruv dating a popular kid! He was so overprotective, I mean he still is."
"You said it, he was against the idea of me dating, he wasn't against me and Hyunjin-"
"Technically he was and just didn't show it-"
"Wait what-I thought that...was…"
"Talk about the devil…he was at the coffee shop earlier with Minho, are you okay Innie?" Changbin asked, eyes filled with concern as he stepped closer to the younger boy who visibly tensed at the sudden change of topics. "Oh, yeah. He hasn't told me anything about it…pretty sure it's nothing bad…if it is, he'll tell me when he's ready."
You're such a sucker for him, Yang Jeongin.
.•° ✿ °•.
He couldn't wait for his older brother to arrive, he missed him so much. He was the shoulder he used to cry on when he thought he had this unrequited love for Hyunjin, who is now his boyfriend. He just helped him come through so much stuff that he was so dependent on him, not until he left the country to pursue his career. Well, spending the day all alone was not what he had in mind suddenly a flood of memories with Seungmin and their late night talks surged his mind and he felt weak in the knees.
"I know you love him, or if not…you're starting to. Innie, don't you think you should distance yourself first? He just got rejected by his long-time crush, if you keep on staying by his side, offering yourself as someone to lean on, don't you think he'll just…use you? I don't really want to be mean but I have to, I'm just so so so afraid of you being used by some dumb jock."
Hyunjin wasn't a dumb jock, he was the captain of the soccer team and one of the smartest kids at school. Secondly, Jeongin is walking on eggshells by doing this and continuing to bother Hyunjin but he thinks of it as 'I'm gonna shoot my shots while I have the chance.' Which Seungmin had been disappointed with after seeing Jeongin cry his heart out because something that wasn't supposed to be revealed…got exposed.
A nosy junior named Han Jisung had accidentally posted screenshots of Hyunjin and some other girl's conversation on his private twitter account which he immediately deleted yet Seungmin saw all of that and had to tell his best friend, who was quick to ignore Hyunjin for a whole month. That's what confused the said boy to the core, Jeongin was his friend, Jeongin was the sunshine that filled the empty void, Jeongin was the boy who healed every pain Hyunjin felt after being harshly rejected, Jeongin was his haven and he didn't realise that until he lost him, or so he thought.
After four ridiculously heart breaking months, Hyunjin had made the decision to ask Jeongin out, of course, poorly dodging the punch in the face that Chan had delivered and the angry rants of Seungmin. But nonetheless, they just wanted to see the two boys happy and so they were. All secrets were revealed, confessions under an oak tree, dates at museums, cuddles and movie nights, they shared their pain with each other and carefully healed them. It was a long journey filled with ups and downs…Jeongin swore to himself that he was so ready for whatever challenge was about to come. But was he really prepared to face the fact that one day, Hyunjin may just wake up to the thought of realising that he only loved Jeongin because he was the one there for him, because he's just happy texting him, because he just loves the idea of dating the younger boy. No, he wasn't quite brave enough to embrace the future.
He didn't even notice that he was already in front of their building, he had returned home. Woojin gave him the spare keys to his apartment, but Jeongin decided to come home first. A home which he shares with Hyunjin. He unlocked the door and was greeted to the sound of soft music blaring through the turntables that the older had bought for them.
"There you are beautiful, quietly
Sleepin' on the bed we made right next to me
Feels like a dream
Only a dream"
A smile crept up into Jeongin's face as he carefully spun around the living room, softly singing along with the song he and Hyunjin both loved.
"Here we are holding on, dangerously
Dancin' on the edge of the infinity
Feels like a dream
Only a dream"
He loved all the songs that the band had wrote but this particular song was what described his relationship with the older boy. He still couldn't believe he and Hyunjin were going steady after two years, despite feeling anxious being around teenagers who didn't last long in their relationships, Hyunjin had washed all his worries away with his butterfly kisses.
"Writing all these memories
Singing all these melodies
Waiting here for centuries
I ain't perfect
I ain't perfect
Perfect for you
Perfect for you"
His mind now drifted to where he first met Hyunjin, the band was playing at the special event their school had held for the upcoming holidays, and Jeongin was busy chewing on his lip, cutting it in the process because of his stupid braces, patiently waiting for his brother to come back after buying food for them at a hotdog stall, the skies were in a pretty orange shade and he was taking his time admiring the view until he heard cries from students, cheering on the indie band performing at the stage.
"Here I am beautiful as you see
Standing on the pedestal you made for me
Feels like a dream
Only a dream
Waltzin' thru our symphonies
In our little galaxy
Waiting for our destiny"
As he made his way through the emotional teenagers, he had unconsciously bumped into a student who was a year older than him, the beautiful boy looked down at him and smiled softly, "They're my favourite band. This is the song I love the most actually." Jeongin was stupidly gawking at how good looking the boy was and let out an awkward chuckle, averting his gaze and muttering a quiet, "I have heard of them before but I had no idea how heart touching their songs were." the boy laughed at him, sending butterflies in his stomach.
"You should listen to 'Sweet Shadow' I have a strong feeling you'll relate to it."
Jeongin blushed and tried to ask him why without his voice cracking, the older boy was focusing on the boys singing on the stage but he still asked anyway, "Why do you say so?" he tilted his head in confusion while the older boy giggled.
"Because I said so,"
-
His smile fell quickly when he heard the door to their storage room open, his head snapped to where he thought a thief had sneaked its way inside their apartment.
"Calm down, it's just me."
Jeongin felt a sense of relief wash over him as he offered his boyfriend a small tired smile, the taller boy ruffled his hair and lead him to their kitchen.
"I pestered the shit out of Minho today to give me cookies for free," Okay? What is he trying to- oh…
"Hey uhh, please don't overthink the situation. I'm sorry if…I upset you, Minho saw you enter Woojin's clinic and I know that you were sad, I just know so and I'm really sorry. Please forgive me? My past feelings for him doesn't matter one bit and none of them are resurfacing. Please, baby? Say something?"
His breath hitched as he tried to avoid Hyunjin's serious gaze, if anything, Hyunjin was brutally honest and spilled everything he felt just to clear things out…he knew this yet he was so scared.
"I don't know what to say, I didn't get mad…in fact all I felt was fear…that maybe one day you might just fall out of love and leave me all of a sudden." Jeongin quietly muttered under his breath, shaking in Hyunjin's hold. The older boy was quick to caress the boy's sides and reassuring him that he's alright, "It's okay Innie, I'm here. You're safe and never in a million years would I leave you."
.•° ✿ °•.
And in a span of three months, Hyunjin kept his promise but Jeongin didn't. The younger boy had made the decision to move out of their shared apartment as he held onto his umbrella, shielding himself from the storm that Chan had warned him about,
"You're not going anywhere else, Jeongin and that's final. Think about the situation properly would you?"
Why exactly was he temporarily leaving Hyunjin? Or was it really until he felt okay and whole again? Chan had straight up told him that he was being selfish by wanting to disappear out of Hyunjin's life for a while and come back like nothing had happened, surely the older boy would've found someone else by that time, you see the problem was that Jeongin felt so insecure the last few weeks because he was letting his boyfriend's friend's actions towards the older affect him. Hyunjin too was a bit clingy and even called his friends various nicknames meanwhile the only time he would call his younger boyfriend baby would be when they were having a fight, the boy knew very well he affected Jeongin just as much as he did to him but the younger didn't think of that.
What Jeongin believed though was that he was slowly starting to drift away from the boy's life, and no he didn't want to let go but he was taught to be selfless when things get out of hand, which by the way Seungmin knows all about this sappy story and flicked Jeongin's forehead hard, erasing all the codes he learned at university. He could recall the boy's words in his head, "You're such a dumbass, but whatever. You do you, let's see how much trouble you'll cause your beloved boyfriend."
Maybe the initial problem was that Hwang Hyunjin was not very expressive of his feelings towards Yang Jeongin, and that saddened the boy very much.
.•° ✿ °•.
Weeks turned into months, it's been two months since Jeongin had left their shared apartment and tried his best to avoid Hyunjin, even stopping his frequent visits to Woojin's clinic which also upset the older boy. At first, Hyunjin understood the boy's situation after all he did choose to treat him like that, he just wasn't very…sweet or extravagant by giving the boy flowers everyday or constantly telling him he loves him. He honestly thought that they were okay yet failed to realise how disappointed the younger must've been in him. But then later on, he couldn't handle the sleepless nights, it was hard to wake up without the love of his life next to him. It was difficult to only make breakfast for one, when he was so used to the younger boy waking up earlier than him and tackling him in a hug, refusing to let go of him until Hyunjin decided to tickle him.
Unfortunately he didn't last very long.
He wasn't doing well now that it had been more than two months, all connections were cut off and Hyunjin couldn't blame the boy at first because he just wanted him to he happy but he then cried so many times wondering why Jeongin would just suddenly leave like that. Although there was a letter tucked under Hyunjin's favourite stuffed toy, he missed the boy's presence more than anything. Changbin and Felix, even Seungmin constantly visited him in their apartment, bringing foods and groceries also helping him clean their place. No matter how selfish Jeongin was, Hyunjin's anger was eventually replaced with concern. He wanted the boy back in his arms, he swore to himself he would show his love more often…if the boy just came back.
"I'm really sorry, he's dumb and both of you are looking dead and I knew damn well this is what would've happened." Seungmin sighed as he placed new tulips on the flower vase, while Woojin was at the kitchen, currently baking Hyunjin's favourite cookies. He really appreciated the effort exerted by Jeongin's friends just to cheer him up, yet he shamelessly wished for the younger boy to be with him instead.
"Do you think he'll come around now? I really fucking miss him, everything about him. Fuck! I couldn't even stay mad at him for more than two weeks, I'm an idiot for not doing anything about it earlier!"
Hyunjin snapped as he buried his face into his hands, Seungmin sat beside him and sympathetically smiled,
"Don't be too hard on yourself, I - we scolded him a hundred times but he hasn't got his shit together and not ratting out or anything but he has been starting to regret his wrong doings. Trust me, it'll all be okay soon."
Hyunjin was so confused, after that day he had caught a glimpse of his younger boyfriend in the mall. He was clueless and couldn't act right and luckily Jeongin didn't notice him as the older had hid behind a rack of trenchcoats, successfully avoiding him on that unfaithful Monday. He didn't know but he was sure he had said i love you a thousand times, though not verbally but through his actions. Like how he offers to carry the paper bags instead, opens the doors for him, respecting wherever Jeongin wanted to eat and the list could go on. It hurts so bad but Hyunjin was patient, their relationship was nowhere near perfect but he told himself he'll wait for the boy and by then he'd distract himself by being better for Jeongin.
The younger boy was filled with regret as he rode a taxi on the way home, he could barely sleep at all. He closed his eyes as he leaned on the car window, listening to the soft music blaring through the speakers as the rain pitter-pattered. He was mindlessly entering the house, even forgetting to collect his change from the taxi driver but he couldn't care less. He was so tired and all he wanted was to be at peace. Jeongin could smell the familiar scent of melted cheese in the air, mac n cheese. The boy thought to himself as a tired smile grew on his face and if Seungmin saw him right now, the older would be gobsmacked to see his friend smile after God knows how long since he ever laughed?
"I love you
But I don't really show you
I'd call you
But only if you want me too"
If anything, he knew he didn't deserve Hyunjin's love. The stupidity he showed had hurt them both so badly, he was only thinking about how ignored he felt and never thought about how he could have affected his boyfriend.
"Oh don't you let it stop
Oh I won't let it happen baby
I will never stop
But only if you listen to me"
He couldn't help but think if Hyunjin had moved out of their shared apartment, and left him permanently. The image of Hyunjin kissing someone else had made his heart sink and he couldn't stop the tears from falling down anymore, he had bottled his sadness for quite a while now. All of this had happened because he was so insecure of himself.
"Come inside of my heart if you're looking for answers
Look at the stars go a little bit faster
Ooh ooh ooh"
As he wiped the tears from his face and slowly looked around his surroundings, he just realised one thing. There were pictures hung on the wall, polaroid pictures of him and Hyunjin during university, and the music coming from the boy's turntable. Oh he was home indeed. The door to the guest bathroom opened quite loudly as Hyunjin exited, only wrapped in a towel with a speaker in hand. It felt surreal. The older boy's eyes were focused on the tear-stained face right in front of him, and they were both loss for words.
"That's my second favourite song…"
yeah well no shit.
Jeongin muttered under his breath, looking straight into Hyunjin's eyes. The older stumbled over his words and he had no idea what to feel till he realised he was naked and he was about to lose the tight grip onto his towel.
"I uhh...didn't expect you so soo-"
"I'm so fucking stupid, I'm sorry. I don't deserve you, you're too great and what I did was highly selfish of me and oh God I just wanna kill myself for hurting the person I love the most."
Hyunjin was quick to stride towards Jeongin and held both of his wrists with one hand, his serious gaze making the young boy shiver.
"Yes, you're a complete idiot for leaving me instead of confronting me but don't worry about it, you're forgiven. Just don't scare me like that, please I might fucking go insane and lose my marbles."
Jeongin engulfed the boy in a warm hug, completely forgetting that the boy was barely wearing anything. " I like this being close to you again," Hyunjin whispered as he placed a kiss on Jeongin's neck, giggling when he saw the younger shiver from the contact. "God, Jeongin promise me we'll talk about everything that troubles us okay? You make me ache in ways that I never thought was possible!"
"Yes, I promise. I'm terribly - wait were you cooking something? I think it's burning!!" Jeongin exclaimed as he shook his older boyfriend who was distracted by his boyfriend's arrival. "Oh shit, yeah. It's probably non-edible now so why don't we both get burgers and fries?"
Wendy's was the first fast food chain Hyunjin had brought him to when he got Chan's permission to take him out for dinner, it was just...wholesome.
"I don't mind, go on and get dressed jinnie." Said Jeongin as he placed his bag on the sofa, smiling warmly at his boyfriend. Hyunjin's lips were formed into a smirk as he turned around one last time before entering their shared bedroom,
"Oh innie, I have something I would tell you everyday if you didn't mind,"
Jeongin rolled his eyes at how his boyfriend sounded, Hyunjin was out to tease him and it hasn't even been an hour since he returned. The younger giggled and sat himself on the sofa, crossing his legs and giving the older boy a knowing smirk.
"I love you."