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“Here we go sir, a cheesecake with blueberry topping! And a double espresso for you, too”
“Oh, thank you milady. You’re doing a fine job”
“She’s only bringing us food, angel”
“Now now my dear, don’t be so rude. Excuse him, darling, he’s so uneducated”
Crowley rolled his eyes and made his tongue click in his mouth in annoyance.
“It’s seven dollars and fifty cents, thank you” the girl said, her lips curled in a weak smile. A brief silence followed.
“Well?” the angel asked, one brow furrowed.
“Well what?”
“You said you wanted to take me out this morning, so you’re paying. Just be a gentleman dear, I know you can do that” he said, then looked at the waitress and winked. “I’m trying to train him to behave”
The demon whined loudly, violently looking for something in his pocket. The waitress looked slightly scared, Aziraphale on the other hand found the scene quite amusing.
“Remember to tip darling, they do that here. Exciting, isn’t it?” he said cheerfully, taking a small bite from his cheesecake and moaning in contentment.
“Tickety boo, indeed” Crowley commented sarcastically, giving the girl ten dollars and dismissing her with a wave of his hand.
“Tickety boo!” the other agreed with a big smile.
“Well, what do you think of this whole thing, angel?” Crowley asked, finally trying to get comfortable.
Aziraphale looked around joyfully, analysing the insides of the coffee shop with his clear eyes.
“I dare to say, my dear, that this idea you had to have a little trip overseas was the best one you had in a while. Last time we were abroad together was that time in France in the eighteenth century. A real shame if you ask me”
“I agree. And I like Americans, they're so chaotic and loud. They remind me of the barbarians. Ah, the barbarians. Those were good times indeed, we used to have real fun with the tribes and stuff”
“I didn't like the barbarians, you know it. But the Americans... they're chaotic and loud, yes, but they make the best cheesecakes and waffles! I’ve heard-”
The angel suddenly froze mid sentence, lips slightly parted, tense on his seat. Crowley leaned instinctively on the table to get closer, his yellow attentive eyes examining nervously the room, safely hidden behind a thick pair of sunglasses.
“Did you jusst ssssense it?” he hissed under his breath.
“Yes, it was… painfully intense” Aziraphale whispered, then added “I… I didn't know you could sense love, too”
“I can’t. It wasn’t love angel, it was pain”
“I know love when I see one, darling. I am quite an expert on the matter. Have been for thousands of years” he said with a smirk.
“Well, I have developed a certain experience on the matter of pain. And I can assure you that was-”
The end of the sentence died on his lips when the doorbell rang and a strange pair entered the coffee shop. Two men, one the opposite of the other.
The one that opened the door and held it still to help the other get inside was the older of two. He was unsteady on his legs, the hand that wasn’t at the door was firmly holding a cane he obviously used to walk. He had big, electric blue eyes, his face unshaved, and was dressed with a pair of jeans and an over sized Led Zeppelin t-shirt.
The other one looked tired as well as severely ill. His face was shaved neatly, he was properly dressed with a white well buttoned shirt and black trousers, his face so pale it looked inhuman, and black bags under his dark brown eyes. It was clear he had lost a lot of weight in a short amount of time.
They were arguing, both with a deep frown on their foreheads, their expressions mirroring one another like only family’s or long time friends’ could.
Still mid argument, the one with the cane pulled the other’s chair almost motherly to let him sit first.
Aziraphale and Crowley looked at them with a stunned expression, sensing a flood of emotions so bright it was almost blinding.
“For the last time House, no. I don’t want to do chemo. I don’t want to die slowly, going in and out from hospitals, with an audience of people who either consider me a mere statistic or pity me”
They heard the young man say, and while Crowley looked away pretending not to listen, Aziraphale tilted his head, interested in the conversation, taking another bite of his cake.
“Why do you say you’re going to die? Chemo could heal you! It’s meant to do that”
“Listen, I’m the oncologist. I know how this ends. Chemotherapy is only giving me a year if I’m lucky. Certainly not more. I’d rather spend three months with you, doing the things the make me happy, than one year alone in an hospital bed”
“I’ll be there, too. I’ll be right next to you the whole time”
The young man shook his head and sighed. “I want to live, not to just survive. I want to wake up with you in the morning and go to sleep next to you at night. I want to eat what I want, and go where I want, and do all the crazy things I always dreamed of doing but I never did and I want to do that with you by my side. Please, don’t take it from me”
Aziraphale blinked in surprise, and Crowley looked at him concerned. He knew his angel could be over sensitive about human suffering, and he didn't want him to be sad.
In the meantime, the breath of the man with the cane hitched at the words. He looked like he was done with this, like that was the last of an endless list of fights between them.
“I’ve known you for so long I don’t even remember how I used to live without you. I don’t want it to end. You know I love you. Don’t do this to me, please”
Crowley felt guilty. That sounded like a really private conversation, but he really couldn't bring himself to stop listening. He saw Aziraphale lost in the words, and felt the urge to touch his hand. He immediately remembered it didn’t make sense to resist the urge now that everything was sorted between them, so he did.
“Enough! It’s not fair. It’s not fair, I’m the one who’s dying! How could you make even this about you?” the young man said, slightly raising his voice, although it was barely audible.
“I am dying too! What did you tell me last time I almost died? Just looking at you hurts . I can’t watch you let yourself die”
“It’s my decision, and mine only! I thought you finally accepted it!”
“I told you I accepted it because I didn’t want you to die mad at me. But I can’t pretend anymore, it’s getting worse, you’re weaker and weaker every day and it’s killing me. I love you”
“Stop saying that. Greg, for the love of God, please, stop saying that”
“Why? It’s true. I love you. I love you, I always loved you. I’m not hiding anymore, you’re dying for fuck’s sake”
“Don’t make this hard for me. We can’t, you know this”
“Why? I know you love me too! Don’t you even try to fool me”
“It’s too late. I don’t want to give you something like that and take it back a few months later. I know you, that would seriously kill you”
“Give it to me and don’t take it back, then. Give it to me, start chemo, and try to make this work for as long as you can”
“I can’t. I’m not strong enough”
“I’ll be strong for both of us”
“You go too fast for me, Greg, you always did”
Crowley tensed on his seat, frozen still. A cold feeling started filling his chest, and he realised his breath was beginning to fasten. He quickly looked away from the couple straight to the angel sat in front of him, that was looking back at him with wide, glassy, eyes.
He remembered, too. He remembered that night in the Bentley, those words directed to him.
“What the hell does this even mean? I’ve known you for ages I think we’re going slowly enough!” the older man said, exasperation in his voice.
“I could never keep up with you, you’re just… too much. You’re too fast, and too strong and too… intense. I’m sorry. I’m sick, and tired, I just can’t”
“Okay, okay, I got it. You’re tired. Forget the chemo, I promise I won’t push you on that one anymore. I still want you, still want it, please, I know you want it too. We don’t have a lot of time, I know this, but it’s still better than nothing”
The younger man shook his head. “I can’t do this to you. You won’t be able to deal with my… leaving, if we do this”
“And if we don’t you really think I am going to deal with it?”
“It’s gonna be worse, you know it”
“This is a problem that doesn't concern you. What happens after is none of your business”
“Your well being does concern me a lot”
“Really? Because it doesn’t look like it at all!”
Silence fell for a few moments, then the ill man whispered, outraged, “How dare you say such things? After everything I’ve done for you?”
The other one seemed to realise what he had just said and looked away for the first time since the beginning of the conversation, he closed his eyes clearly fighting back tears. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it”
“No, listen, I’m sorry too” the young man whispered, and reached for his friend’s hand on the table. The other tensed, but didn’t pull away. “Of course I do love you. You must have known by now. But there’s no time for this. Don’t make it hard for me to leave. Please. It’s already painful as hell as it is”
A waitress approached their table, making them both flinch.
“Excuse me sir, I’m here to take your orders”
They both cleared their throats awkwardly. “Yeah, yeah, of course. What did you have in mind, Jimmy?”
Aziraphale sighed so much Crowley feared he could deflate completely.
“You know angel, I'm not sure if it was pain and not love anymore” Crowley commented, and for the first time since the Armageddon that never happened, he looked touched.
“I think it was plenty of both, my dear” he whispered, looking at his plate like he just lost all his appetite. That was definitely a bad sign. “What if I just…”
“I know what you’re thinking. Absolutely not . No. Way”
“We can’t just sit here and do nothing!”
“You know we have to, angel”
“Come on, Crowley! Don’t they remind you of two certain someone?”
Crowley scoffed. “Of course they do. And I’m sorry. But we can’t help them and you know this”
“But they’re in love! And he is dying ! And I suspect the other is going to follow soon after”
“I’m bloody well sure the other is going to follow soon after” the demon whispered, not – so – old feelings about a bookshop on fire just about to bubble up again.
“Then why-”
“Oh, for the love of S- of Go- of someone, angel! You know why! We promised no miracles at least for a century after the Armageddon. We don’t know for how long they’ll leave us alone until they start hunting us down again. That swapping thing worked but it’s not going to last. I don’t want them to track us down with miracles, or to remind them of our existence and give them bad ideas”
“Just once! Just this time! It’s most unlikely that they will notice my small little miracle and come to see what happened”
“A small chance it’s still a chance. I can’t risk to lose you for two humans I never even met before. You can’t be seriously asking me that”
“We did what we did to protect the earth because we care. We did it for them, because we love humans, because we think they deserve to live. It was worth it then, why isn’t it now?”
“Maybe you did it for humans, angel, I did it for you”
Now it was Aziraphale’s turn to scoff. “That’s only partially true and you know it” he said, his cheeks getting slightly redder than usual. “You do like humans. And you do like those two humans in particular, I can tell”
“Nothing’s worth the risk of our own safety, to me. I have too much to lose”
“I will help them, Crowley. It hits too close to home”
“Please, don’t”
“Nobody is going to come for me”
“You can’t know that”
“I intend to do this, Crowley. That is final”
The demon looked back at the couple, they were both eating now, the argument finally set aside. Sometimes they looked up from their plates and locked eyes, smiling weakly at eachother, the smiles never reaching their eyes.
He sighed and decided to glance at his angel one last time. He loved when he was so passionate about something, his eyes on fire and his face firm.
He couldn’t lose him, not after what they went through.
But would he love him if he wasn’t like this? If he just was going to say ‘Never mind Crowley, you’re right, it isn’t worth it’ ? Probably not.
He loved him just because of that. Because at the time he didn’t go to Alpha Centauri with him to give the humans a chance. Because he had a soft spot for the lost causes, he loved them, that’s why they got along so well.
What was Crowley, the fallen angel, if not a lost cause himself?
He couldn’t let this spark of him die because of cowardice.
You go too fast for me. I can’t keep up with you. Never could.
What the hell does this even mean? I’ve known you for ages! I think we’re going slowly enough.
I’ve known you for so long I don’t even remember how I used to live without you. I don’t want it to end. You know I love you.
I’m the one who’s dying! How could you make even this about you?
I am dying too!
Just looking at you hurts.
Crowley sighed heavily. “If this one miracle makes them find us and they take you, I will never forgive you. Never. Did I make myssself clear?”
Aziraphale smiled softly at him. “I love you too, my dear”
“Nghhk. Just this time. I don’t want to hear you talking about miracles for at least a century after this”
“They’re not coming for us. I can feel it. It’s the right thing to do”
“I decided to trust you, angel. Don’t make me regret it” the demon whispered, so full of love his heart was about to rip off his chest.
By the time the two ethereal beings left the coffee shop, the young man wasn't so pale anymore.
And if Crowley kept an eye on them and one month later found them making out in a bus passing the border to Mexico, well, who was him to judge?