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"A mans dead...a mans dead because of me!" it had been 24hrs since Callum heard Ben utter those words. How? How could Ben, kill someone? take a mans life? Why? After everything they had been through together, after all the good Callum seen in him - after all the good Kathy and Lola had seen in him.
'Ben's proper changed with you around'
'Hes with you because he sees so much good in you'
Callum just could not comprehend it. The anger inside of him, all the disappointment, he had to walk away, not because he didnt love Ben but because he couldn't cope - he didn't know how to deal with the fact that it wasnt just a few stitches here and there, or a few bruises, he had taken a mans life.
After Callum walked out of the Mitchell house he headed straight to the flat, to Rainie and Stuart, with a furious face on him. Callum just looked right at Stuart and Rainie with devilish eyes, and didnt have the capacity in him to speak.
"Everything alright Bruv?" Stuart said concerned for Callum, he had never seen him like this before, the anger on his face.
"If looks could kill eh?" Rainie said and smirked "You know what Stu, he thinks Ben Mitchell is the only boy on the planet, and he ain't! Breaking his heart like that? Ben Mitchell should just be lucky he still has air in his lungs" Rainie was determined for Callum to hear every word she was saying.
Little did Stuart and Rainie know, Callum was breaking just as much as Ben was. The first man he had ever loved, had just confessed to being a murderer. He ran into his room, the room Ben once shared with Paul, and he lay on his bed sobbing, banging his fists off his mattress in absolute despair. Callum had never felt heartbreak like this before. He was so angry with the world. He spent years upon years not being true to himself and now - now when hes finally found happiness, it's gone - ruined.
'What if I can never love anyone again? What if he broke up with me because he was plotting the murder?' Callums mind went into overdrive, as the night went on he lay looking at all the pictures of him and Ben on his phone. All the selfies, all the goofy silly faces they pulled, all the pictures they took with Lexi.
As the hours passed Callum still couldnt sleep a wink 'Hes a murderer? I can't be with a murderer. I can't be with a man that is never going to put me first, put our happiness first?' Callum was glad he walked away from Ben, he didn't want anything to do with him - but on the other hand, his heart had shattered. He loved him. He probably still does love him.
It was 9.15 am and Callum still hadn't slept, his eyes were wide open. He decided to go make himself tea, as he walked out he could hear Stuart and Rainie quickly changing the subject. They were talking about him, ofcourse.
"You alright Bruv? you looked in a right mood last night, has that Ben Mitchell said anything to you because if he has-" Ben Mitchell. Even his name, Callum simply couldnt even hear it, it was too much, Callum had built so much anger inside of him and he just snapped.
"He hasn't Stu if you must know, now if you don't mind I'm trying to make myself a tea in peace, yeah? I dont need yous two commenting on my love life!!!"
"Oh Callum we're sorry, we just dont like seeing you like this. I really think it would do you the world of good to go and meet someone, I know this great lad, yeah? around the same age as you? Look I know you're hurting but you've got to take your mind off things, even if it is for a little bit." Rainie couldn't help feel for Callum, she had been there many of times before him and she knew exactly how it felt - the anger, the heartache.
Callum stood listening to Rainie, whilst pouring his tea, he had felt guilty for snapping and quite frankly just wanted Rainie to shut up, and so he agreed. "Ahh yeah...yeah...maybe it will do me the world of good. You sort out everything and let me know, yeah?" Callum said faking his enthusiasm.
"Are you sure bruv? You dont have to?" Stuart said, whilst Rainie was more eager. "Yes Callum, I will sort everything out just you wait!!! Now you go and buy yourself a nice shirt yeah? Or catch up on some sleep, and tonight you're gonna have the night of your life" Rainie was bursting with joy, she loved the idea of playing cupid.
"Thanks yeah...I uhhh appreciate it" Callum said as he walked back to bed, holding his cup of tea, he couldnt believe what he had just agreed to, he had just spent his whole night pouring his heart out to photos of him and Ben and now hes going on a date????? He was dreading it, he didnt want to go on a date with another man.
Callum finally dozed off and caught up on his sleep, until he heard Rainies voice "Callum!!! Callum!!! 9.30!! E20!!! You better be prepared!!!"
Callum eyes opened and he moaned "Aaaahhhh" quitely to himself and then went back to sleep.
The hours passed and Callum eventually left his room with a lovely grey, chequered shirt on him, although he found it hard to look excited when his heart broke all those hrs before.
"You're looking well bruv! You're going to wow 'em I just know it" Stuart said, as Callum laughed him off "Now, Callum just know im happy you're getting yourself out there, and please dont bring him back 'ere because me and Stu are gonna have some fun of our own" Rainie said with a big smirk on her face "Didnt need to know that Rainie!' Callum said as he left the flat.
Callum wasnt nervous nor excited, he just thought he would go and chat to this man and have a few drinks, nothing special or exciting. He walked in to E20 and saw his date
"Hey you alright?" Callum said
"I'm good thanks! You must be Callum, I'm one of rainies old mates from years ago, she knows my dad - dont ask how!" His date said and continued "drink?"
'Uhhh yeah, please" Callum said
As Callum made his way down to the table, Ben walked into E20, although Callum was too busy to notice. Ben came into E20 to block his guilt with booze, Callum came into E20 to block his broken heart from his thoughts for half an hour.
As Ben instantly saw Callum, he stared at him for a few seconds and then instantly headed to the toilet to try and avoid Callum, or at least compose himself, so he was ready to face Callum and his date. Ben looked himself in the mirror and tried his best not to break down.
''Ohh sorry'' Callum said as he pushed the door towards Ben without knowing it was him. Then they set their eyes on each other and just stared. The silence. Anger. Upset. Ben didnt know what to say to Callum, and Callum didnt know what to say to Ben, not after the confession.
"You'll be pleased to know I wont be messing your date up. I uhh hope it goes well" Ben said awkwardly, he tried his best but his heart was continuing to break.
"Yeah I hope it goes well too, maybe he wont turn out to be a murderer ehh?"
Ben couldnt believe what Callum had just said - he deserved it, but it was still shocking to hear. Ben just looked at Callum with his eyes wide open.
"You know what Callum, call me a murderer, get your little police friends on me, do what you have to do, yeah? Because I've already lost everything."
"For starters I've lost You! My sisters having a breakdown...I've got a dad that I can never, ever please no matter what I do, I've got a brother who picks Sharon over his own flesh and blood and then chucks our mum out of her house, I've got a daughter that I'll only end up disappointing in life. So go ahead phone the police-"
Ben then continued to pursue a reaction out of Callum
"Phone the police Callum, just DO it" Ben shouted aggressively
"And why would I do that?" Callum said confused, as to why Ben was saying all these things sober, did he mean it? Did he genuinely want to get locked up for the murder?
"You dont love me anymore Callum, how could you? Maybe this is how my life is meant to be? Now you dont need to know the ins and outs of what happened or what I did, but I want you to have a better life than the one I have, I want you to find happiness - happiness that I cant give you, so you can go, call the police and get me locked up, and you can go back out there and enjoy your date. I wont hold it against you"
Callum could clearly see how guilty Ben was. The whole time Callum was with Ben he could see he felt like he wasn't worthy of love or being loved, now Callum could see Ben didnt feel worthy of living life when he ended one.
"I'm not going to call the police on you Ben. You of all people should know what it's like in there. Look I dont think I'll ever be able to forgive you for what you done, but I dont want you to locked inside - rotting away, Lexi without a dad."
"Maybe I deserve it?"
"I dont think you do" Callum said, and as he walked away from Ben and the E20 toilet, and for once there were no tears.