Chapter Text
Pitou had stood in front of the body of their old toy. ‘Kite’ they were told was its name. They hadn’t thought it had a name. And now it was laying in front of them broken, like a doll. They had never once considered ‘Kite’ being worth fixing, or maintaining or anything of that kind. ‘Kite’ had been just a tool for them, a toy to be played with and discarded when the time came.
But now here they were, standing in front of Kite again, long white hair adorning his human body covered in the scars of their ‘playing’. Pitou had left him broken, dead, unrepairable by any means and they hadn’t thought this worth crying over. And yet, next to them, slumped on the ground was another smaller human, with green hair and golden eyes that saw fit to do so. And as odd as Pitou found it, and as alien to the concept they were, they understood. Just a bit.
The heartbreak of losing a bond, the emotional ties that humans formed. It wasn’t anything an Ant could understand, not initially anyway. Humans tended to reach out, expose themselves in lackluster ways to others and in that create fierce emotional ties. Ones that rivaled Pitou’s own devotion to the King, but it was still different. Pitou followed the King out of admiration and duty, Humans bonded over...essentially nothing. But still, Pitou could make the comparison, though perhaps their own relationship with the king wasn’t sufficient a comparison. No, Pitou knew that Humans bonded in unique ways, and in any other life they’d probably never see the extent of it. But in this life, they had been witness to the bond between a human and Ant already.
Komugi, that was her name, the king saw fit to actually refer to her by such. Had Komugi not existed, it’s highly probable that they would never had understood the extent of the bonds humans made. They still didn’t have a full idea either, only having one source to go off of and limited knowledge at that. But seeing the one they respected most, someone so unrivaled in strength and pride respect such a lowly human, it had shown them something.
Some bonds between humans, weren’t always made from strength or benefits, more often it seemed to be an alignment of interest. Piqued curiosity, a shared ground more often than not. Pitou, admitably, had a small amount of information to go off of just from reading books or watching King play games with Komugi. But they could recognize the obvious, that being that the small human, Gon they had been called, was in mourning over Kite. And it was their fault.
They imagined how hurt King would be if he lost Komugi, then they stopped imagining and started remembering Komugi being hurt and King’s scary aura. King really was, one of a kind, showing compassion for humans despite being an Ant…
Maybe, Pitou should follow his example. Maybe that could help the feeling that welled up in their heart, the burden of sadness they felt but couldn’t place the cause. The past hour had been a blur of emotions from excitement, to bewilderment to concern, fear, worry, dread, and now; whatever it was that laid heavily in their chest. The sense of responsibility came close, but also that of failure. Like they had failed Gon, or something similar. On top of it all was concern.
Gon was hurting. Anyone could see, they imagined one look at Gon was all it took to see the absence of spirit. It was scary to say the least. He was caught between mourning Kite, and throwing emotions away. Pitou knew if Gon did the latter, suffered the complete loss with no hope, he would turn all his strength on the Ants.
And yet, Pitou couldn’t stop seeing King in Gon’s shoes. They had now seen both of them at a loss, only, they couldn’t save Kite like that did Komugi. They had hurt Kite specifically. They had done this, it was their fault. Every human had emotions. King had emotions. Each one was a living breathing being, of which they formed strong bonds. And Pitou finally realized that what they felt was the crushing guilt of cutting an especially strong one for the sake of pleasure.
A million excuses flood to their mind immediately but then those thoughts are brushed off. It wasn’t like them, they made mistakes yes but they faced them.
Pitou knew, Gon was on the verge of giving everything he had and more into destroying them. They knew the smartest thing they could do as a royal guard was to give their life to crippling or killing the small human before he could do that. But seeing his face? The tears streaming from his empty, soulless eyes? The absolutely crushed spirit.
Pitou wondered then, if it was possible to fix this situation for everyone, and avoid a fight. To end the conflict so they could serve the King another day and let Gon live to make new bonds. Could that happen? Could they...be vulnerable?
What Pitou didn’t know, was that this decision they were making would change the entire outcome of several peoples lives. They had no way of knowing this was the best possible outcome for them in terms of living, many would argue it was the best outcome for everyone. Pitou, would never come to regret doing this, though they held the regret of not doing it sooner for the rest of their life.
“Gon…” They had spoken in a quiet tone. Doctor Blythe disappearing from around their arm as it finished the healing process. Their power only extending to their arm, yet nothing could be done for Kite. Gon showed no response to what they had said, but Pitou had a feeling they were processing what was being said.
They flexed their hand, seeing it worked as good as new, and found themselves at a loss of what to be said. They had nothing to give, yet were far past begging. They already explained that Kite was dead, that there was no bringing back the dead even with their ability. There was nothing to say, but something had to be done.
“...Gon I’m...sorry.” They spoke softly, flinching as Gon’s aura flared once more. It was unnerving, the darkness that enveloped him. Pitou might even compare it to that of a beast, instead of a human. It made the air around them incredibly depressing, just being close was enough to strain Pitou’s being.
“Sorry?” Gon spoke in the coldest tone Pitou could imagine, completely devoid of any life and jubilance. The sheer intensity of his manifesting rage was enough to crack the ground beneath him.
“You’re sorry!?” He shouted wildly, desperate to understand Pitou’s own words. Anyone could see how angry he was, no apology could begin to temper his emotions alone. Pitou was ready to accept that, they were ready to accept any punishment Gon might give.
Sweat started rolling down Pitou’s head. That hadn’t happened before tonight, before tonight they really thought they were something strong but in the face of Gon as he was now they knew they were so wrong.
“Fix Kite!” He roared. Pitou could no longer make out what shade of grief afflicted him. Was it pure anger? Denial? Sadness? “Fix him! Fix him fix him fix him!!!”
It was then Pitou realized...Gon was still very much a child. The concept not entirely lost on the Ant as per their studies and observations. But it only just now struck them how young and inexperienced Gon must be by any standard. The weight in their chest multiplied somehow. He might even be younger than Komugi…
Pitou was snapped out of their spiraling thoughts as Gon’s figure seemed to shutter, watching it was like seeing a switch flip inside him.
“I don’t...care anymore.” He muttered. A black aura oozing off him menacingly as he stood there, posture relaxing somewhat but still vigilant. Now it was Pitou’s turn to shutter in fear, there was no talking anymore, Gon had completely abandoned that as well as any other options. Pitou could only hope to hold out.
But in the blink of an eye they had already lost him.