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Always check the calendar.
That was Phoenix’s new rule for when he got up in the morning- when the same events kept happening to you, it was important to keep track of which ones were going to happen next.
Today, apparently, was September 8th. Phoenix grinned. This one was fun.
WHAM went the door to the courtroom as Phoenix practically danced to the attorney’s bench, smiling at the sight of a very nervous-looking Richard Wellington at the witness stand.
Steady… wait for it…
Payne took a breath to begin his opening statement.
“OBJECTION!”
The courtroom looked at him, surprised into silence. The judge finally spoke up. “Er… Mr. Wright? Usually objections wait until the prosecution has at least-“
Phoenix cut him off, throwing up pieces of evidence as he spoke. “PICTURE! GLOVE! CONTRADICTION! CAN’T WRITE AFTER YOU’RE DEAD! WELLINGTON LIKES LARGE BANANAS! BITCH CAN’T SEE SHIT! DUDE’S A CON ARTIST! PHONE! BUSINESS CARD! TWO AND TWO MAKES FOUR! JUSTICE, BITCH! PHOENIX: OUT!”
He swanned out, leaving a stupefied courtroom behind.
“Ohhhhhh!” said Gumshoe, breaking the silence. “Yeah, that does make sense! Arrest the guy with the scarf!”
~~~~~~~~~
Franziska cornered him after the Max Galactica case, seizing him by the lapels and dragging him into a disused courtroom office.
“Out with it,” she snarled, shoving him up against one of the walls. “There was no way you could have known the acrobat was involved, much less that the critical piece of evidence was hidden under his blanket. You’re cheating. How?”
Phoenix remained calm, even as the prosecutor’s eye began to twitch. “I did my research, Ms. Von Karma. It was obvious upon looking at all the facts that-“
He cut off with an urk as she pressed the handle of her whip up against his throat. “Schiesse. What kind of fool do you take me for, Phoenix Wright? You had no testimony, virtually no evidence, and nowhere near enough time to think about the case, and yet you just came in and have Maximilian Galactica sweep the blanket off his legs like in one of his foolish magic tricks. Did you coerce the acrobat into hiding that piece of evidence? Did you kill the ringmaster and use him as your dupe?”
Phoenix was shocked. “No! Of course not!”
“Well then HOW?”
His mind raced as he tried to think of a plausible explanation. Franziska was one of the smartest people he knew; she would see right through any lie he could come up with, either through sheer perceptiveness or her usual incredibly rigorous fact checking. I may have been having a bit too much fun with this, he thought. Of course she was bound to notice once I got too theatrical. “Er,” he stammered, “Would you believe I’m stuck in a time loop repeating a bunch of significant cases?”
Her eyes narrowed. “I most certainly would not, Phoenix Wright. Of all the foolishly transparent lies you could have come up with, I believe that might be the single most foolish.” She pushed him harder up against the wall.
He gulped. “How about if I prove it? I could tell you something that nobody without prior experience could know.”
Her eyes narrowed. “…You have one chance, and then I will see if my whip cannot get to the truth.”
Phoenix wracked his brain. He couldn’t quote any of the upcoming murders, as she would claim that he planned them himself. There had to be something, some detail, something he couldn’t possibly affect…
“Okay, here’s something. Will you accept as a given that I have no influence on the outcome of this year’s Hero of Heroes Grand Prix?”
That eye-narrowing thing she did was really intimidating; he’d have to ask about it in another loop. “…Yes. Frankly I don’t believe you’re capable of much, but that seems especially far out of your sphere of influence.”
Phoenix’s fear subsided for a moment as an annoyed look crossed his features. “Hey, I happen to have a pretty excellent record as well… at this point, at least. Ow.” The last was coincident with an especially hard prod of the whip handle under his chin. “Okay, okay- the winner of this year’s Grand Prix will be the Nickel Samurai, the runner-up will be the Jammin’ Ninja. It’s happening March 20th.” He gave her a wry grin. “I’m sure you have ways of keeping tabs on me until then so that I don’t interfere?”
Franziska paused for a long moment, considering. Finally, she released her grip. “I find this acceptable,” she said. “We will speak again after the contest. But if you are not telling the truth, my whip will be doing the talking.” Her eyes flashed. “I will not abide being made a fool of, Phoenix Wright.”
He smoothed down the wrinkles of his suit as she stalked away. “Well,” he told the room at large, “I guess I should have… seen that one coming. Eh? Eh? Time travel jokes?” He looked at the empty desk expectantly. “No? Okay then. Maybe next time.”
~~~~~~~~
“Ohhhhh yes.”
This one was Phoenix’s absolute favorite.
“No! It’s not possible! How did you know!?”
It was satisfying to bring criminals to justice with incredible efficiency, of course.
“What can I say? I just recognized your aura of psycho-bitchitude.”
But nothing quite matched this level of catharsis.
“But… but…”
He knew that whenever he woke up in a hospital bed, it was going to be a good day.
“By the way? You’re inhabiting Maya’s body at the moment, not Pearl’s. You’re a failure, a nutcase, and you can’t even stab someone properly.”
And here it came… in three… two… one…
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!”
Phoenix took a deep breath, inhaling the sweet, sweet taste of Dahlia Hawthorne’s misery.
As the vengeful spirit left Maya’s body, he turned to the taller, bustier Pearl standing beside him. “So how was that, chief?”
Mia flashed him a grin. “Not bad. I might have added a few cracks about how she was a terrible sister, but I think you got to the heart of the matter pretty well. Now, if you want to find the real killer…” Phoenix stuck out a hand, cutting her off.
“Actually, I think I’ve got this one.” He cracked his knuckles, smiling at the laid-back prosecutor on the other side of the courtroom. “Coffee-loving son of a bitch is going down.” He glanced at her. “No offense meant to your taste in men, of course.”
Mia blinked, then looked at Godot as though seeing him for the first time. “…Hot damn. Can’t believe I didn’t notice that.” Her gaze lost focus as she drifted into memory. “Heh… the coffee, the vest, the hair… just like him to nearly die and still not change. Mmmmm… Phoenix, you would not believe the utterly filthy things I did with that man.”
That was new. Phoenix looked askance at his former boss, at a complete loss for words.
“Running my fingers through that hair as we kissed… tasted like coffee, of course, but damn did he ever know what blends I liked. He could keep me on edge for hours, getting work done was hell when he was in the office. But mmm, the feel of that tongue as it slid up my leg at the end of the day… oh, I just unraveled when he-”
”OBJECTION!” Phoenix blurted out before Mia could divulge anything more scandalous. He made a mental note to never mention that Godot was Diego in future loops.
Mia blinked, coming back to herself. She grinned playfully at Phoenix. “Sorry, Nick. I should have remembered you’re a total prude.” She looked him up and down as he made a strangled noise of protest. “Really, though, you should get back on that whole dating thing. One would think this case would wrap up any loose ends from your last relationship.” She raised an eyebrow. “It’s been what, six years now? I will totally get Maya to play wingwoman for you.”
Phoenix could only manage a series of choked noises. He was sure his face was beet red, and what was worse, he could tell Godot’s smile had widened just a little bit. Just enough to let Phoenix know that he knew exactly what they were talking about.
Phoenix finally gained control of himself and glared at Mia. “Don’t you have some afterlife stuff to take care of?”
She giggled. “I really do enjoy watching you when you’re flustered. But yes, I do need to go. Until next time: dating! Get on it! I’ll be watching!”
Phoenix rolled his eyes, shoulders sagging. “Wow, there’s an incentive. ‘Get naked because your old boss is watching!’”
Mia laughed again as her body started to revert to Pearl’s. “Glad we understand each other.”
~~~~~~~~
Franziska had insisted they meet in her office after Godot’s final trial. Phoenix stirred his tea nervously as the younger woman observed him coolly from across the desk. She had been sitting there for five solid minutes exercising the power of her icy glare. Finally, he broke the silence.
“Are you going to say something? Why am I here?”
Franziska steepled her fingers, cutting him off just as effectively as any objection. “We never got to have our discussion regarding your foolish reason for your effectiveness.”
Phoenix scratched at the back of his neck. “Er… yeah, there was that first day in court and then you were, well… indisposed… and then in Germany… and I guess we were both busy with the case when I saw you at Hazakura… and you haven’t really acted any different from the other loops.”
Her face twitched at that. “Phoenix Wright. I am, perhaps, ready to accept the idea that you are stuck in a time loop, as foolish as the idea may be.” Phoenix’s eyebrows shot up in surprise; he hadn’t honestly expected this out of the hard-edged prosecutor. “I may prove myself the greatest fool in existence,” she continued, “but it remains one of the only plausible explanations. I have been watching you.” Her eyes were doing that narrowing thing again. “I have seen how you handled yourself this entire trial. You practically finished that fool prosecutor’s sentences for him, you were distracted and tense right before the earthquake, and you saw through Dahlia Hawthorne’s ruse immediately. Your prediction of that foolish Grand Prix could have been a lucky guess, but…” she shook her head. “This is too consistent. The evidence is overwhelming.”
There was another long silence. Phoenix never thought he’d actually convince her, that his best hope would be to distract her until the next loop started. He jumped as she slammed her palms on the desk, suddenly standing.
“But that does NOT answer the most important question!” Her finger was leveled directly at him- it seemed so much more dangerous up close. “If you have had prior knowledge of these crimes, WHY have you not tried to stop them?”
“I have!” he spluttered. “The first few times around, when I figured out I was trapped, I thought maybe I had to stop the murders in the first place. But when they’re prevented, I just pass out and wake up at the start of the day.”
She continued to glare at him, obviously still angry. “Being shot was not comfortable,” she growled. Phoenix was still in the process of coming up with a response when suddenly she was seated again, flicking her hair back into place with a gloved hand. “But I suppose if you could have prevented the kidnapping of your paralegal, you absolutely would have.” She sipped her tea.
Phoenix blinked at her sudden change in attitude. “Er… yeah, absolutely. I’m not a psychopath.” He laughed, but it petered out as Franziska looked at him levelly. “You… actually considered that as an option, didn’t you?”
“It was the first option I considered,” she said, clearly unashamed.
“Harsh.”
She shrugged. “Perhaps, in hindsight.” The corner of her mouth twitched into a half-smile. “Well, I suppose this is acceptable. On the condition that you fill me in at the start of every loop and let me know when it finally breaks, so that I may crush you when you don’t have prior information.”
Phoenix chuckled. “Of course that’s what you’re most interested in.” He raised his teacup. “You have a deal.”
There was a chink of china on china, and they both drank. As Franziska drained her cup, however, a small, playful smile developed as she looked at Phoenix. “You know…”
“Hm?”
“I heard your conversation with your erstwhile mentor today. The one concerning her colorful past with Godot.” Phoenix gagged on his tea. As he struggled for breath, she leaned forward, smiling like a cat with a cornered mouse. “I was particularly fond of your face as she described his talents. You know, for a time traveler, you really should have…” Her smile was wider than Edgeworth’s cravat.
“Seen it coming.”
Phoenix choked on his tea.