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“You could apply to be the Santa at Lordly Tailor’s Christmas grotto next year with a belly like that!” Maya teased, poking Phoenix in the middle.
“It’s not that bad, is it?” Phoenix asked, looking down. Maya’s finger actually sank a little bit into the pudge he’d developed during the winter months. “Uhhh, maybe it is...”
He hadn’t really noticed until Maya had exclaimed upon meeting him, ‘Wow, you’ve filled out!’ But Maya saw him rather irregularly, so she of all people would notice the consequences of his lazy takeout diet over the last few months, when it had been too cold to move far from the one room he could afford to heat in the house. Now she was ribbing him mercilessly about it, and he didn’t have a leg to stand on because it was true.
“I’m surprised you can get into your trousers, Nick!” Maya tutted, shaking her head. “Didn’t you do any exercise over the winter?”
“Who mangled my bike at the end of the summer?” Phoenix said pointedly.
“I know, I know, but I’ve almost got enough money saved up to buy you a new one-“
“Nah, I’ll get another case soon and that’ll give me enough money to buy another... uh, providing they pay.”
“But still, bikes are not the only form of exercise – lack of bike may be my fault, but you being a fatso is not!” Maya wagged a finger at him. “You should take up a sport or something, then you’ll be Saint Nick no longer.”
“Why don’t you join me then?” Phoenix retorted, folding his arms across his stomach to hide the fact that it spilled over the waistband of his trousers. “You eat enough burgers to warrant exercise.”
“Me? I keep fit enough with my training,” Maya turned around on tiptoe, arms spread out to show off her slight figure.
Phoenix made a face at her and she laughed.
“I can’t afford a gym membership, though, and there’s no way I’m joining the crazy people that jog in shorts when it’s minus three outside,” he said, flopping back onto the sofa next to the electric heater.
“Oh no you don’t, lazybones!” Maya seized him by the wrist and hauled him off the sofa with strength that belied her figure.
“Unfair!” he cried, tumbling on the floor. “I was just getting comfy.”
“You gotta fight that flab, Nick!” Maya said severely. “You should take a leaf out of Mr. Gant’s book and go swimming or something.”
Phoenix shuddered.
“No, no, and no,” he said flatly. “Not after that court case.”
“But he’s hardly going to be there, is he?” Maya said. “And it’s gonna warm up from next week, so it’s the right time for it.”
“Too hot to exercise, you mean,” Phoenix crawled back onto the sofa again.
“Hmmm, I bet Edgeworth goes swimming,” Maya said nonchalantly.
“Huh?” Phoenix was surprised by the sudden change of tack. “Edgeworth? What makes you think that?”
“Well, think about his looks - he’s very graceful, but when he’s pointing or making gestures in court there’s a lot of force behind them, isn’t there? He’s got big shoulders and a lot of arm strength, I reckon. That’s why you go ‘ACK!’, it’s the power of the point!” she flung her hand out dramatically to point at Phoenix, only to get a cushion in the face. “Oof!”
“You’ve been paying way too much attention to Edgeworth, Maya – it’s actually disturbing.”
“Well, he’s got a swimmer’s build, that’s what I’m trying to say,” she picked up the cushion. “Don’t you watch the Olympics on telly?”
“That’s sport.”
Maya threw the cushion back at him.
“Exercise is not gonna kill you, Nick,” she said exasperatedly. “And just imagine what Edgeworth will say next time you two face off in court: ‘Did you trade brain cells for a beer belly, Wright?’”
Phoenix winced at Maya’s passable imitation of Edgeworth’s lofty tones.
“Uhh, maybe I’ll be too busy wowing him with my courtroom graces for him to notice?” he said weakly.
“You sure won’t have any grace now, with that spare tire of yours,” she replied with a grin, knowing that victory was in sight.
“Alright, alright, I’ll go swimming then,” he sighed, finally giving in. “I’ll show you, my swimming shoulders will totally outclass Edgeworth’s!”
“Hooray!”
“I guess at least the pool entry is cheap with my Law Association discount,” Phoenix mused, absentmindedly prodding his stomach. “I’ll have to buy some trunks...”
“Eww, Nick, it wobbles – that’s gross!”
========
Phoenix peered around the corner of the shower block, scanning the area. The poolside was deserted, a few towels draped over the benches. It was no wonder really; the bite of winter still lingered on the spring air, and it had been a wrench to leave the warm living room, but Maya had held him to his promise and dragged him here. The pool that lay in front of him was occupied by just two swimmers, silently lapping the length of the middle lane as the hand of the big clock timer above them swept around its face.
Thank goodness there’s hardly anyone here, he thought with relief, self-consciously hitching up his blue boardshorts. They just about held in his stomach – he’d pulled the drawstrings tight – but he really didn’t want to meet anybody he knew. The pool was right next to the Courthouse and offered discounts to police and lawyers alike, but it was the only one he could afford and Maya had assured him that if Edgeworth did swim, it was unlikely to be here.
“He’s probably got a pool of his own so he doesn’t get our germs,” she had said.
He looked across at the women’s shower block. There was no sign of Maya anywhere – perhaps he could remain hidden for a little while longer.
“Nick!”
“ACK!”
Maya was standing in the doorway, looking impatient.
“You can’t hide in the showers forever, scaredycat,” she said. “I’ve already been in the pool and the water’s great – come and try it!”
She was dressed in a dark blue, full-length bathing costume, her long black hair tied back in a ponytail and dripping a stream of water on the floor. The costume clung to her figure, revealing curves Phoenix had never thought existed under her baggy medium’s clothes. It was a bit of a shock and he found himself inadvertently gawping at her.
“...What are you staring at?”
“Uhhh, that’s a huge bruise you’ve got on your leg. Did you fall over or something?”
Maya looked down at the purple bruise on her shin.
“Oh, that was from a while ago. Hey, you’re just stalling!” she exclaimed. “C’mon, slowcoach, into the pool with you,” she grabbed him by the arm and lead him out of the showers, propelling him down the steps into the shallow end of the pool.
“C-c-cold!” his teeth began to chatter and the chilly water chased thoughts of Maya’s bathing costume out of his head.
“Whinge whinge, moan moan,” Maya singsonged, completely unsympathetic. “Duck your head and you’ll warm up!”
Phoenix gave a convulsive shiver, shut his eyes and immersed himself, popping up again a few seconds later.
“Ah, that’s better,” he said, ducking back down again so only his face was out of the water.
“Wow, Nick, you look so different with wet hair. Hmmm, kinda like the cat at Fey Manor when she’s fallen into the water butt...”
“Thanks, Maya, thanks a bunch!” Phoenix splashed water at her and launched himself off in an overarm stroke down the pool before she could get him back.
He hadn’t been swimming in years and he’d forgotten how nice it was to be shed of the weight one carried around on land, to tunnel through the water and hear it crashing around his ears as his arms broke the surface with each stroke. However, by the time he reached the deep end his arms felt tired and he sat on the step of the pool ladder for a few moments, a little disappointed that he couldn’t even manage a full lap.
I really am unfit.
He had always thought cycling was sufficient exercise, but now it occurred to him that while it used his legs a lot, his arms tended to stay pretty stationary and certainly his shoulder muscles were not what they could be.
“Come on, slacko! I’ll overtake you otherwise.” Maya had caught up with him already.
“Slavedriver,” Phoenix groaned, slipping back into the water again and kicking off against the sides.
As he swam back down again, arms still aching, he could hear Maya’s strokes behind him. There was a big lake at Kurain and given her propensity for standing beneath waterfalls it was no surprise to him that she was a good swimmer. He ended up letting her overtake at the shallow end and she sped off again, completely in her element. She didn’t really belong in the slow lane – she was just keeping him company. He sighed, turning onto his back and floating, closing his eyes as he started a slow backstroke towards the deep end. This was a bit more relaxing, and less taxing on his arms.
Maybe if I do this often enough I’ll be as fast as her... nah, unlikely.
Maya seemed to have a limitless supply of energy when something caught her enthusiasm. Phoenix couldn’t keep up with her at times, and though that usually ended with her getting into trouble she always seemed to bounce back somehow. He stopped as his hand hit the wall of the deep end, grabbing the guttering and lifting his head out of the water to allow his body to right itself.
“Nick!” Maya was immediately whispering in his ear. “Edgeworth just walked past!”
“What?!” Phoenix scanned the poolside and his eyes involuntarily snapped to the figure stepping up onto the diving block that headed the fast lane. “Oh... my God...”
Miles Edgeworth wore nothing but a pair of deep-red Speedoes. Their strong colour against the paleness of his skin drew Phoenix’s eye against his will, and even when dry they left absolutely nothing to the imagination. Phoenix had to tear his eyes away, feeling his face flush. The prosecutor put on a pair of matching-colour goggles and began tightening the band around his head, completely unaware that he had an audience. Phoenix turned to Maya and hissed,
“You said he wasn’t going to be-“ he trailed off, seeing that Maya was looking past him with a rapt expression on her face. “Maya!”
“Those weeny trunks would look totally ridiculous on anybody else, but on him...” she said dreamily. “What style!”
Phoenix turned back to look, just as Edgeworth executed a perfect swallow dive into the pool, and again he could not help but stare at the crimson Speedoes as they disappeared under the surface. He barely created a splash with his disappearance, so streamlined was the dive – only a few ripples remained. A few seconds later he burst out of the water a few metres ahead, droplets flying off him as his arms circled forward and his body curved to re-enter the water again. His butterfly stroke was so swift that all Phoenix could really follow were the Speedoes – dark red flashing momentarily amongst the sprays of water. He reached the other end of the pool in less than half a minute, and Maya, now sitting on the pool ladder to get a better view, applauded wildly as the prosecutor somersaulted underwater and pushed off against the wall to return the way he’d swum.
“Just like in the Olympics!” she cheered.
“Oh, shut up and swim,” Phoenix sulked, deciding he wasn’t going to look at Edgeworth’s distracting swimwear anymore – to pull off Speedoes AND be a good swimmer, why, it just wasn’t fair.
“We should go over and say hi,” Maya began climbing up the pool ladder.
“Wait, don’t!” Phoenix paddled over to try and stop her. “If he sees you he’ll know I’m here-“
“OH!”
Maya halted on the top rung with this exclamation and Phoenix caught up with her.
“What? What’s up?” he asked.
“Oh oh oh, is that his towel? I want it!”
“Huh?”
“It’s a Steel Samurai towel, dummy!” Maya clambered out of the pool and sneaked over to the bench on which the blue-patterned towel lay, picking it up by the corners and holding it up so the picture was revealed. “It’s the limited edition print!” she gasped, turning it around to show Phoenix. “I am so jealous."
“You can’t just wave his towel around for everybody to see like that!” Phoenix looked back at the fast lane but Edgeworth was still doing laps, oblivious to his surroundings. From his higher position on the pool ladder he could see the way Edgeworth was swimming underneath the water, rippling through it with subtle undulations of his body until a powerful kick from his legs and a sweep of his arms sent him up and out of the water for the butterfly arc. He didn’t seem to be tiring at all.
“I could never afford one of these with my allowance; you can only get them in special memorabilia shops now. Hey, Nick, next time you win a big case...” Maya said hopefully.
“Next time I win a big case I’m buying a new bike, so you can forget about expensive towels. Besides, you’d never use it, you’d just frame it.”
“I can’t believe he’s using this either – maybe he’s got another one framed?”
“Does it really matter? Put that down, you shouldn’t be messing about with his towel anyway, especially as you can’t afford to buy him another.”
“Aw, stop reminding me of my poverty,” she folded the towel and put it back on the bench. She took a few paces back, standing against the wall of the shower block. “Make way, Nick, here comes the Maya Cannonball!”
Phoenix cowered against the pool ladder as she took a running jump over his head, divebombing into the water with a “YAHOOOOO!” and creating a huge splash that completely drenched him.
“MAYA!”
Edgeworth had changed to overarm stroke and happened to have his head out of the water for a breath, so he heard Phoenix’s shout. He hesitated as the significance of it sunk in and his arm movements fell behind that of his head, so he ended up breathing a mouthful of water instead of air. He grabbed the guttering and pulled himself upright, coughing and spluttering. He unsealed the goggles from around his eyes, pushing them up on top of his head and blinking as water dripped from his bangs onto his eyelashes. He looked across the pool, and spotted Maya swimming down the slow lane on her back. So he hadn’t been hearing things. As she cycled her left arm backwards he caught an eyeful of the kind of feminine attributes that one did not usually correlate with her slight physique. He frowned a little, then shrugged, looking back the way she had come for the person he knew had shouted her name.
Phoenix looked very different without his characteristic spikes, but even with dripping wet hair the strong jawline and crooked eyebrows were unmistakable. Edgeworth had never seen him here before, but he had a strong suspicion that the defense attorney wasn’t here of his own accord, given Maya’s presence and the cry of dismay he’d just heard. Edgeworth watched him begin a laborious overarm stroke down the pool. He could hear the sound of Phoenix’s limbs thrashing the water – too much force, not enough direction. He pulled his goggles back down over his eyes, applying pressure to make them airtight, and ducked under the water. Phoenix was surrounded by streams of air bubbles created by the unsynchronised movement of his arms and legs, and Edgeworth could just about make out that he was wearing a pair of blue boardshorts; everything else was distorted by the bubbles. He resurfaced as Phoenix reached the other end, noticing that in the time it’d taken him to do a single length Maya had already done two. All things considered, it was very strange they were here at this time of the year – especially as Phoenix was such a terrible swimmer. His curiosity was piqued... a little.
Twenty more laps. Then I’ll go over and inform him of his lack of pool competence.
“I’m gonna sit on the side for a while, I’m tired,” Phoenix said to Maya, wading over to the steps in the shallow end.
“You’re tired already? But you’ve only done two full laps!”
“Well, I’m not used to moving my arms like that – they get tired easily,” he sat himself on the side, dangling his legs in the water.
“Sounds like you need a Zimmer frame next year for Christmas!"
He kicked a spray of water at her by way of reply, but she ducked under the water and it missed. She popped back up again with a cheeky grin and he pulled a face at her. She laughed, setting off towards the deep end again. Phoenix looked over at the fast lane. Edgeworth was doing a fluid breaststroke now, pushing the weight of the water behind him with his arms and legs in a combined thrust, gliding along underwater for a metre or so before bobbing up to take a breath and repeat the movement. Maya was right, he had a strong pair of shoulders, and Phoenix had never noticed that before. Certainly he had a lean frame and that was to his advantage in the pool – underwater he was as agile as the new acrobats at the Berry Big Circus, able to somersault, twist and turn how he pleased. Phoenix looked down at his own legs dangling in the water. The water distorted them and made them look strange, but they still seemed like tree trunks compared to what he could see of Edgeworth’s legs as they flashed under the rippling water.
He’s like some kind of merman, almost. Slender.
He had to admit, he was a little jealous. In the past he’d just assumed that Edgeworth’s slim physique was due to overwork and skipping meals – something he didn’t fancy emulating - but now he could see what really lay beneath the magenta suit and white cravat. Edgeworth kept himself in tip-top condition and Phoenix knew he had a lot of catching up to do.
When I get a new bike I’m going to cycle at least five miles a night, he decided, slipping back into the pool and ducking under to get warm once more. And for now I will swim like no-one has ever swum before! I’ll show him...
He tried to do a somersault underwater, hugging his knees and throwing himself forward like he’d been taught back at school, but he somehow ended up sideways and he resurfaced abruptly, coughing up water. After two more attempts he felt dizzy and still hadn’t pulled one off successfully, so he gave up as Maya returned.
“Race you!” she said. “Last one to touch the wall at the other end buys lunch.”
“That’ll be me anyway – I had to pay your pool entry earlier, didn’t I?” Phoenix reminded her.
“Aw, go on anyway,” Maya begged. “You’ve had a rest so you’re fresh, and I’ve just swum 6 laps non-stop so that can be my handicap.”
“Hmmm, I guess. Alright then... ReadysteadyGO!” Phoenix lunged forward into a frenzied series of overarm strokes.
“Hey, wait up, you cheater!”
The loud splashing distracted Edgeworth mid-lap and he trod water in the centre of the lane, lifting up his goggles with one hand to watch in bemusement as Phoenix paddled his way down the pool, Maya overtaking him easily and inspiring him to even more frantic strokes, sending big waves of water slopping over the side of the pool onto the concrete flooring. Edgeworth shook his head in despair, resealing his goggles and swimming to the end of the pool, heading for the ladder on his side.
Phoenix touched the wall about half a minute after Maya.
“Tough luck, Nick!” Maya patted him on the back as he collapsed over the guttering, exhausted. “But it was a good workout, right?”
“My arms ache like you would not believe...”
“Hey, can you dive?” Maya pointed up to the diving block above their heads.
“Uh, back in high school I could,” Phoenix said slowly, looking up at it. “Dunno if I can now, mind you.”
“Try it and see!”
“Let me rest, I’m tired.”
“Gotta keep moving, Nick!” Maya chivvied him. “If you always stop after a burst of exercise you’ll never build up those muscles. C’mon, show me a dive, it’ll be great.”
“Who employed you as my personal trainer?” Phoenix grumbled, but he climbed out of the pool and walked around to the diving block, leaving wet footprints on the concrete in his wake. Maya sat on the side of the pool to watch. “Hey, I remember swimming lessons back in high school, standing on a block like this and being taught the diver’s stance.” He stepped up onto the block, bending down and attempting to touch his toes, fingers outstretched. He couldn’t quite reach.
“Your swimming teachers must have washed their hands of you if that’s your best diving stance, Wright.”
Phoenix jerked upright in response to the insult, looking behind him to see Edgeworth standing there, arms folded and a smirk on his face. His hair was darker when wet and water dripped from his bangs to cascade down his cheeks, following his neckline before pooling in the hollow of his collarbone, where it trickled under the goggles slung round his neck and down his chest in a steady stream, tracking around his nipples and branching into smaller droplets that stopped here and there, caught on the fine hairs of his chest.
“I...” Phoenix got just one word out before the Speedoes worked their alluring magic, drawing his eyes slowly down below the prosecutor’s folded arms, following the path of a water droplet down his trim stomach to where it soaked into the trunks, now waterladen and an even darker shade of red; following along the line of the waistband and scanning across the white Speedo logo; dropping down the line of a fold to where the fabric clung even more tightly to the outline of-
Sweat broke out on his forehead, and for a few moments he was hypnotised, fixated on it... God, the size of it... then rationality returned and he forced himself to look away, the spell finally broken. But it was too late – as he looked up their eyes met, and Phoenix felt his whole face begin to turn a shade of Speedo-red, because Edgeworth had a smug expression on his face that meant only one thing.
“Shall I do a twirl for you, Wright? The rear view is equally delectable, I assure you.”
...There was only one option left for Phoenix now, to save face. He turned, and threw himself off the diving block.
SMACK.
Maya and Edgeworth winced at the sound. A huge fountain of water washed over the sides of the pool, lapping at Edgeworth’s feet and surrounding Maya’s middle. There was a long silence, then Phoenix resurfaced with a long, drawn-out groan, twisting into a foetal position in the water to clutch his winded stomach. Maya and Edgeworth exchanged glances, and Maya gave a low whistle, shaking her head.
“That’s gotta be the worst bellyflop in history.”
"Most definitely," Edgeworth agreed, then he grabbed his towel and headed for the showers, leaving her to help the stricken defense attorney out of the pool.