Work Text:
“Have you noticed (y/n) acting strange lately?”
Emily glances up to where Spencer leans against her desk, his arms crossed over his chest and brow furrowed. She follows his pointed stare to where you sit slumped at your desk. The sight makes her own brow draw together. You look completely out of it and your desk is in complete disarray.
“Yah, she hasn’t been acting herself recently,” she hums thoughtfully.
She has noticed the subtle changes over the past few weeks. The dark circles under your eyes, the way you threw out random comments in your conversations with her about being stressed, the sometimes out-of-nowhere passive aggressive responses.
“Has she...talked to you about anything?”
Emily turns her gaze back to the brunet, a small smirk beginning to pull at her lips. It is so obvious that he was concerned about you, more so than he probably thinks.
“Yah, why?” She leans closer, raising an eyebrow at him.
Spencer feels warmth spread over his face, but plays it off with a casual shrug.
“She’s been really stressed out lately. I don’t know why, I don’t think she even knows. And she’s not sleeping well.” Spencer nods along, the second point being something he already figured out based on you practically falling asleep in a meeting with Hotch the other day. “She’s been really short with me too, but she always feels guilty afterwards. It’s weird, I’ve never seen her like this.”
Emily had known you for years, even before you both joined BAU. You had joined before her and had already formed some close bonds with the others before she got there, especially a certain tall brunet. How many nights she listened to you go on and on about the man. Strangely enough, even those talks have died down. You just seem...dead in a way. Tired, sad, stressed.
“Are you worried about her?” Emily asks quietly.
Spencer sighs softly, pursing his lips before nodding. “Yes, I am.”
~~~
Spencer spins around in his chair, curled finger pressed to his lips as he thinks.
He was actually really worried about you. For as long as he knew you, you had been a very kind-hearted, loving person. Even with how horrible your job was, even with everything you have been through, you are one of the warmest people he knows.
Something is different though. You have been acting reserved lately. The usually upbeat greetings in the mornings have turned into low grumbles, and the smile he has grown so familiar with no longer meets your eyes. As far as he knows though, there is no specific cause for all of these changes.
With an irritated sigh, Spencer turns to his computer and sets to work researching. He needs to figure out what is going on with you before it gets any worse. His eyes scan over the screen, flickering between articles and research. Nothing seems to connect with your symptoms until he stumbles upon an article explaining a certain condition, and it all clicks. Now all he needs to do is find a way to help.
~~~
Life sucks. People suck. The world sucks.
You groan, head dropping down onto your arms which rest on your desk. Everything in you is screaming for you to just close your eyes and sleep, except your mind which is persistent enough to keep you fully awake, even late into the night. It is a precarious balance that you wish would break. You have not gotten a good night’s sleep in days.
“Dumb freaking hormones,” you growl under your breath, pushing yourself back up so you can actually get some work done.
Focusing is a true feat these days for you. Usually you love your work, you love catching the bad guys and all that justice stuff, but nowadays you can’t seem to find the motivation to push yourself like you used to. Now all you can think about is getting home, wrapping up in a fluffy blanket, and watching movies. It’s so unlike you, but you honestly can’t be bothered enough to care right now.
“Good morning, (y/n).”
You jump at the sudden voice behind you and spin around in your chair. Towering above you is none other than the handsome Doctor Spencer Reid.
“Gosh Spence, don’t scare me like that,” you whine softly, pouting up at the gentle giant.
He merely laughs at your pain and gently pats your shoulder, mumbling a soft apology as he moves on to his own desk. You keep up your scowl until he dives into his work, giving you ample time to just look him over. One of your hands moves unconsciously to rest on your shoulder where he touched you, the tiniest smile tugging at your lips. That boy is something else.
With a deep breath, you turn back to your work with a fresh set of eyes. Just that simple interaction with Spencer seems to have energized you a bit, just enough to finish the paperwork from the last case. After that, you’ll see where things go.
~~~
About a week later you find yourself staring resentfully up at the top shelf where the last coffee cup sits, mocking you with its height. You swear, life is out to get you. Your morning was an absolute mess, or night considering you did not sleep, and all you have been able to think about is getting a cup of coffee at work since your coffee machine is broken. But no! No, you have to be just short enough to not be able to reach the top shelf. Curse whoever decided to steal all the cups from the lower ones.
“Need some help there?”
You stiffen as a solid form presses softly to your back, one hand resting on your shoulder as a long arm stretches up to grab the mug you were so balefully glaring at. Heat rushes to your face when the mug is brought down in front of you and you subconsciously lean back into the warm body behind you.
You already know who it is, based on the soothing voice and incredibly unfair tall stature.
“Thanks Spence,” you murmur as you reach forward to grab the cup from his hand.
“Of course.” His breath ghosts over you ear, and you swear your face cannot get any redder.
He squeezes your shoulder softly before his presence disappears. You turn around to face him, to maybe carry on a conversation about the injustices of high shelves, only to find that he has disappeared. Weird.
You set to work making your mediocre work coffee, humming happily under your breath as you do. This causes you to pause right before you fill your cup. You look down at the empty cup and purse your lips. You have been living off of caffeine lately, which cannot be healthy, and honestly you don’t feel like you need it anymore. You must have woken up a bit during that whole debacle with the shelf.
You put the cup on the lowest shelf and slip out of the break room after grabbing an orange juice from the fridge instead, sharing smiles with those you pass as you go to your desk. Time to work!
You don’t notice the sly smile that overcomes the doctor who watched you come in from his own desk. Nor do you notice the smug smirk on Emily’s face as she looks between the two of you.
~~~
It’s not until the third instance that you really notice something going on. You’re on the plane, heading out for a case when it happens.
It’s late, seeing as you took off at night due to the urgency of the case, and the sky outside it pitch black. Even the lights in the cabin are turned off, since everyone else is sleeping. Not you though. Like always, sleep evades you, so you’ve turned to your laptop to work on whatever can keep you occupied.
You’ve gotten so into the document you’re reading, that the sudden movement beside you on the seat makes you jump and almost drop the computer. With wide eyes, you whip around to catch the tired yet warm gaze of a certain brunet. He hums softly, eyes narrowing as he looks over the file you’ve been reading.
“Shouldn’t you be sleeping?” Spencer murmurs.
You cringe at the fact that he sounds like he’s just woken up. Was your screen too bright? Did you wake him somehow?
“I’m not tired,” you grumble out an answer as you look down at your lap, twisting your fingers together nervously.
Spencer turns his analytic eyes back to you. They skip over your features before he gently shakes his head with an amused smile.
“You look exhausted.”
Opening your mouth to retaliate, nothing comes out as the man scoots closer to you, so close your knees bump together. He reaches over and slowly closes your laptop, plunging you both into complete darkness. You shift anxiously since you can’t see anymore, fingers twitching though you don’t know what to do with them.
“Spence…?”
He doesn’t say anything to your hesitant call of his name, though you can still feel his presence. He’s breathing softly, and you can feel him moving, but no response.
You jump slightly when an arm wraps around your shoulders and tugs you softly towards where you assume he is. Out of confusion, you let him. You end up leaning against his side, head resting against his shoulder. His arm remains firmly around you, fingers softly brushing against your arm.
If the lights were on, you’re sure he would poke fun at you for how red your face is, but lucky for you, they’re not and you can just hide in his sweater. His sweater which is soft. Very soft. How have you never noticed how soft it is? You subconsciously press closer to him, letting out a soft sigh as you feel true exhaustion seeps through you. Maybe a little sleep wouldn’t be too bad.
The next day, when you wake up to find Spencer up and about, acting normal, you don’t feel right about asking him why he did what he did. He’s been acting different, not that it’s bad, you quite enjoy the little bits of affection he’s throwing at you, but it’s weird. You never envisioned him being so...touchy.
You leave the subject for another day and just focus on the fact you got the first decent night’s sleep that you’ve had in a while.
~~~
“Seriously though, Star Trek is so much better! The characters and the dynamics are just amazing! Not to mention just how repetitive Star Wars is. I mean seriously, it’s okay to stray from the Hero’s Journey just a little bit.”
Spencer smiles as he watches you go off. This is what he missed. The bright spark in your eye when you talk about something you are passionate about, the smile that brightens up the entire room and cheers up everyone else in it. He never realized how much you affected him or the team as a whole. Everyone had noticed the difference, and it had slowed things down, but it seemed his conclusion was correct and things are slowly getting back to where they used to be.
“Don’t you agree Spencer?”
You smirk as the doctor’s eyes widen and come in focus. He had so obviously zoned out while you were ranting, you could not resist the chance to poke a little fun at him.
“What’s up with you, huh? Got somewhere else to be?” Your legs brush as you scoot closer to him on the couch so you can lean forward to try and make him a little more flustered.
Spencer just shakes his head with a small grin, “No, I’m just glad to see you’re back to normal.”
This pulls you into a perplexed moment of silence as your brow furrows and you tilt your head in confusion. Back to normal? What is he talking about?
“What do you mean? Back to normal? Nothing’s been wrong with me.” You lean back away from him, tucking your hands between your knees as you shift your gaze over the bar.
You had decided to invite the group to a fun night out after returning from the last case. It had been a while since everyone got the chance to just relax and be around each other in a non-work environment, so you figured it might be nice to just go to a bar and hang out. Now, though, you wish you were in a slightly quieter place.
“Everyone’s been worried about you,” Spencer explains softly, “You’ve been acting strange the past few weeks. Emily says you have been stressing out over nothing and you haven’t been sleeping.”
He is not wrong, you know that, but that kind of stuff is normal. Anxiety comes with the job, as does sleep loss and a lot of stress. Why is that so weird?
“It’s just the job, you know how it is, Spencer,” you brush it aside quickly.
The brunet shakes his head, “It isn’t just the job, though. You’ve been distracted and detached, which is very unlike you.” He pauses and looks at you with those warm honey eyes, lips pursed and slanted in the way only he can. “I think I know what’s wrong too.”
This catches your attention, bringing your gaze back to him.
“And what’s that?” You ask, curiosity seeping into your words.
If he somehow figured out what is ailing you then that would be perfect. Maybe you can finally get a good night’s sleep! You have been sleeping better recently, but it is still restless at times and you find yourself waking up earlier than usual most days. You really just want to sleep in peace.
“Well, I was doing some research and I found this condition that fits most of your symptoms. Most people call it touch deprivation. It’s actually quite interesting once you get in to it. Touch from another person helps to release the neurotransmitter and hormone oxytocin in your body, which in turn reduces the reactivity of the amygdala, which is the part of your brain that functions with anxiety, fear and aggression, among other things. In other words, when you lack regular physical touch or affection, you will experience some of the things you have been, like sleep deprivation, stress, unintended aggression. It can be somewhat common in people who spend more time with work than on other aspects of their life.”
Your head spins a bit at all the information he just let loose on you. Touch deprivation? As in you’re just not getting enough contact from people? You guess it has been a while since you’ve really gone out with anyone, in any sense of the term. No friends nights, no dates, no nothing. It has all just been work. But you love your work. Maybe too much?
“How’d you figure this out?” You fidget in your seat, trying to scoot away some, but Spencer stops you by placing a hand gently on your knee.
“Well you see, I formed a hypothesis after some research based on your symptoms, then I carried out some experiments,” he begins to explain, but you interrupt him.
“Wait, experiments? What?”
Spencer smiles guiltily, “I had to see if I was right or not before bringing it up to you.”
“What kind of ‘experiments’ did you run?” You ask, eyes narrowed.
The smile widens, though remains somewhat guilty. “I gave you small doses of physical contact and then observed your behavior for a time afterwards. Each time you reacted positively, you seemed more energetic, like you usually are. After all of that, I came to the final conclusion that you are touch starved.”
Touch starved.
“Why did you do all that for me?” You look up at him, biting your lip anxiously.
That’s a lot of work to do for a colleague. He went to all that effort to try and figure out what was bothering you, all that time. Everything makes sense now. All the weird moments, like the night on the plane, make sense. But why? Why would he do that for you?
Spencer purses his lips, not sure exactly how to respond. He scratches the back of his neck, a sign of discomfort, though he doesn’t put any distance between the two of you. If anything he inches a little closer.
After a moment of silence, the brunet slowly eclipses one of your hands with his. His hand is big and warm over yours. You look down at them, blanking for a second.
Spencer Reid is holding your hand. Spencer Reid. Is holding. Your hand.
Spencer licks his lips, hesitating before saying, “We were all worried about you, but I guess you could say I was a bit more so. I realized…I realized that I missed your normal behavior. You bring so much energy to the team and it’s obvious when something’s wrong. I...didn’t like it.”
He’s not meeting your eyes anymore and you notice a bit of red creeping up his neck. You bite your lip to hide the smile that wants to break out. You want to hear the rest of what he has to say.
“I realized that perhaps...I care for you on more than a platonic level.” The words are quiet, almost shy.
You can’t help it when the smile does get past you. Who would have known that smart, pretty boy Spencer could be so self conscious. It’s cute.
“Did you just admit to liking me, Doctor Reid?” You hum teasingly as you let your fingers interweave with his.
Spencer purses his lips but nods subtly, eyes locked on your hands. A warmth blossoms in your chest. He is just too adorable. He went to all that effort to help you, all the bold moves and sweet gestures, and now he’s squirming in his seat over some hand holding.
“Hey Spence-” This causes his eyes to finally meet yours, wide and hopeful, “-I like you too, just so you know.” You nudge him softly, watching as his lips pull into a small smile of his own.
The moment is sweet and short, but honestly all you need. You lean into him, resting your head on his shoulder as a sigh escapes you. He’s so warm. His thumb traces over your knuckles softly and he lets his head rest on top of yours. Your eyes drift shut so you can just enjoy it. The feeling of just being next to him. Comfort, peace, maybe love. Love. Yah, that’s got to be it. It may be new, young, but you think it’s love. Guess you’ll have to wait and see, but you can tell it’ll be worth it.
For now, you’ll get a good night’s sleep and start the next day a new, with the handsome Doctor Spencer Reid now by your side hopefully.