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“Will you stop moving?” Bucky huffs, the agitation clear in his voice.
“I’m trying! It fucking hurts!” You snap back, clearly just as agitated.
You breathe in deeply trying to calm down, this wasn’t a situation to be hot headed in. It was supposed to be a routine mission, get in, gather some info and get out. This was only your second mission and Tony sent you with Bucky because intel said there were minimal guards. Minimal my ass you thought. Currently you were pinned down and waiting for an evac. An evac that was going to take a couple hours to get to your location. Neither of you were in great shape after the fire fight that took place, but you were the only one that had been shot. A stray bullet had grazed your shoulder but hit deep enough that the bleeding didn’t want to stop. You both knew it would need stitches, you just hoped that they would wait and be done back at the tower.
The combination of the wound and blood loss was enough to throw you into shock. Luckily it was only minor, the only symptoms you had were being cold and shivery with an elevated heart rate. It was also possible that the panic and anxiety you felt were more of a cause of the elevated heart rate than the shock.
Bucky lifted the cloth from your shoulder and examined the wound. “I think the bleeding has slowed down, you’re going to need stitches sooner rather than later.”
You groaned and watched as he took a small first aid kit from his pocket and fished out a curved needle and some thread. He threaded the needle and cut the thread with his teeth. “I have nothing to numb the pain, bite down on this.” He handed you the cloth he took off your shoulder.
You took the cloth from him and breathed in deeply again before putting it in your mouth. Bile rose up in your throat when you tasted dirt along with your own sweat and blood. You nodded at Bucky to give him the go ahead to start the stitches. A yelp left you as the needle pierced your skin, you’d have to remember to not get shot again. Your head hung down and you bit down on the cloth, whimpering every time Bucky completed a stitch.
“You’re doing great. I’m almost done.” Bucky tried to sound encouraging, and you appreciated it. But it didn’t stop the whole process from hurting like a bitch.
The bile that rose up in your throat didn’t go down like you hoped it would. The taste and smell of the cloth and pain from your shoulder was only making it worse. You only hoped you’d be able to hold out until the stitches were done. Every stitch was agony and caused your breakfast to inch higher and higher into your throat. You thought you were about to pass out when Bucky said he was done. That was all it took for you to lunge away from him and heave your breakfast onto the floor. You felt Bucky rub your back as you threw up in the corner of the room.
“I’m sorry.” You apologized as you wiped your mouth with your sleeve. “This mission would’ve been successful if it wasn’t for me. Tony never should’ve sent me.”
The room spun and you felt yourself be pulled into Bucky’s chest. “That’s not true. The mission failed because intel was wrong. But I agree that Tony shouldn’t have sent you, but that’s because I don’t like seeing you get hurt.”
It was still strange seeing Bucky care for you like this. Your relationship was still new and when you first joined the Avengers six months ago, he wouldn’t give you a second glance. Much to your chagrin, and Bucky’s, Tony had paired you up and expected him to show you the ropes and help you train. You both begged him to pair you with someone else, but he wouldn’t relent. It started off bumpy, lots of fighting and yelling, insults constantly being thrown between the two of you.
It wasn’t clear when you started caring for the other, but all the tension came to a head during training about a month ago. What you both thought as normal, everyday tension was apparently sexual tension in disguise. You had both been goading each other to try to make the other slip up. The insults got heated and your anger got the better of you. The scuffle ended with Bucky pressing you against the wall with your arms over your head. You lost yourself in his eyes and the next thing you knew Bucky’s lips were on yours and you were kissing back.
Bucky moved to the wall and leaned against it, positioning you between his legs facing away from him. You rested your head in Bucky’s chest and listened to his heartbeat. Your anxiety was still riding incredibly high and you needed something to ground you. “How much longer?”
“Probably about another hour or so.” Bucky said kissing the top of your head. “How are you feeling darlin’?”
“Like I’ve just been shot in the shoulder.” You joke. “But seriously, not great. I lost a decent amount of blood. I’m feeling really weak and tired.”
Bucky’s arms grip you tighter, avoiding the bullet wound in your shoulder. “It’s gonna be ok. I’ve got you. I think I managed to slow down the bleeding before it got dangerous.”
The sound of Bucky’s heartbeat is doing what you wanted it to do. You’re still anxious, but you don’t feel like you’re about to launch into a panic attack any moment. “Bucky, I’m scared. What if the rest of the team doesn’t make it in time?”
“Shhh, they’ll be here.” You could feel him run his hands through your hair and kiss the top of your head. “It’s gonna get chaotic when they get here. Promise me that you’ll make it to the quinjet no matter what.”
Your eyes widen as you realize what he’s saying. Ignoring the pain that shoots through your shoulder, you turn sideways to be able to see Bucky’s face. “I’m not leaving you behind. I’m not letting them leave without you.”
Bucky cradles the side of your face with his hand. “I’m not asking you to doll. I’m going to try to grab the info we came for before leaving. If I know you’re safe it’ll be easier. Please promise me that your safety will come first. Find Steve or Tony to stick to and make it back safely. I’ll have Nat with me.”
“I promise. But if you don’t make it back, I’m going to kill you.” You smile, trying to lighten the mood a little.
“Deal,” Bucky chuckles as he wraps his arms around you again.
You both sit in silence for a while, neither one of you daring to speak. You’ve only been together for about a month, but you both have a bond that feels much older. Maybe it was the 5 months of tension and being around each other constantly, but you both fell for each other hard and quick.
Once this is over, you’re going to make sure you and Bucky get a bit of time off together. Maybe you’d even be able to get him out of the compound for a real vacation. God knows you’ll both deserve it after this.
Your thoughts are broken when you both hear a loud commotion outside of your location. Your body tenses and your fight or flight instincts start to kick in. Bucky quickly moves you behind him and grabs his gun while holding onto you. The door to the room blasts open and you hide behind Bucky from the shrapnel it creates.
“Buck! Ali! Are you both ok?” Steve stands at the door, holding off gunfire with his shield.
“About time Rogers!” Bucky stands and helps you to your feet. “Take Ali with you to the quinjet. She was shot in the shoulder, but I stitched her up as best I could.”
“You got it. What about you?” Steve asks, assuming that Bucky would be going with you.
“I’m going to try to get the info we came for. I’m sure Nat is on her way to do that now and she’ll need help.” Bucky turns to you and kisses you gently. “Go with Steve doll, he’ll keep you safe. I’ll see you at the quinjet.”
You nod sadly and watch Bucky leave the room. Steve turns to you to see you blink away the tears that are forming. You know you have to be stronger than this, you can’t cry when a mission goes wrong. Steve takes your hand and guides you back to the quinjet, you both take out any guards that get in your way with the help of Tony and the Ironman suit.
The chaos is dying down by the time you and Steve get to the quinjet. Sam is already there, ready to fly out when everyone gets back. A rush of relief hits you when you realize you’re safe, but it doesn’t stay long before being replaced by worry. You try looking outside to see if you can see Bucky. A panic attack is the last thing you need right now, but it’s the one thing that’s happening.
There’s talking going on around you, but the beating of your heart and the noise in your head drowns it out. The quicker your breathing gets, the more your anxiety gets into your head. You start to imagine that Bucky was captured or killed. A voice in your head tells you that you’ll never see him again. You slide down a wall onto the floor, the voices around you sounding muffled and far away. More than anything you want to be able to talk to him, to go out and find him, anything you can do to make the voices go away.
The stitches that Bucky gave you have torn out from the struggle to get back to the quinjet, not that you’ve noticed. You don’t even notice Steve pressing a cloth to your shoulder to stop the bleeding. Sam and Steve keep trying to get your attention only for you to stare vacantly out the window and cry.
Steve and Sam know that this panic attack tied with blood loss is just going to put you right back into shock if they don’t do something soon. Shaking you and talking to you hasn’t helped, but Steve has one last idea. He doesn’t want to do it, but he squeezes the wound on your shoulder hard. The pain is enough to snap you out of it and you fall into Steve crying. Relieved, Steve rubs your back as you cry, and he tries to guide you to breathe slower. It’s a few minutes before you’re able to talk.
“Steve, what if he doesn’t come back? What if something happened?” You start to voice your concerns but work yourself up again in the process. You’ve only been together a month, but the thought of losing Bucky kills you inside.
You hear Sam kneel down next to you and Steve. “Hey…look at me. Bucky’s going to make it back. Even if I have to go out there and get him myself.”
“I’ve known Buck a long time and I can guarantee that he’s never left a pretty girl hanging. He’ll be back for you Ali, you mean the world to him.” Something about the way Steve says it helps you to calm down a little. You and Bucky have never really told each other how much you care for each other, but you hadn’t thought of the possibility that he had talked to Steve about you.
Your head keeps telling you about all the worst case scenarios, but Steve is able to keep you breathing regularly and Sam is able to keep you from retreating back into your own head again. None of you know just how much time has passed before Nat, Bucky and Tony rush into the quinjet. Nat jumps into the pilot’s seat and starts to fly out and back to the compound.
Sam goes to check on Tony while Bucky makes a b-line to you and Steve. You jump up and grab hold of Bucky, not caring that you’re bleeding everywhere or the pain in your shoulder. Steve walks over and slaps Bucky on the back.
“Good job out there Buck. By the way, you’re going to need this. Your stitches suck.” Steve hands him the cloth he was using to put pressure on your wound.
Bucky guides you to one of the seats so he can strap you both in for the flight home. He waits to buckle himself in until he’s sure you’re secure. “Stevie was right, my stitches do suck.” He presses the cloth to your shoulder to stop the blood that’s running out.
You can’t bring yourself to laugh even though you know Bucky was trying to lighten the mood. This situation helped you to realize how much he means to you. Neither of you have used the word love yet, but you’ll be damned if anyone tries to tell you that you don’t love this man.
“Ali? Are you ok?” He touches the side of your face and you just turn your face into his hand and start to cry again. The fear and panic that Steve and Sam kept away surfacing as you think about what could’ve happened.
With your heart starting to beat out of your chest, your words won’t come out of your mouth. You sit up and take a few deep breaths and try to calm down. “I was just so scared. It was overwhelming.”
“It was only your second mission, that’s normal. Even though the mission wasn’t normal.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about.” You shake your head. “I was scared that I’d lose you before I could tell you I love you.”
A smile stretches across Bucky’s face as he leans in and kisses you. “I love you too doll.”