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Jeno's favorite song? It's NCT127's song NO LONGER. Why? Because the lyrics are like like daggers of truth breaking his heart again and again.
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The lover who doesn’t love you
He had always love Jaemin, way back the days Jaemin even before had a girlfriend. Or even before they realized what love means.
I’ve always been envious of her.
And whenever he will see Jaemin and his girlfriend. He will always look from afar and wish, that if only he can teach his heart whom to love. If only he can build up the muscles of his heart to focus on someone else but NA JAEMIN.
The words that come out from me, who is crying beside you, are only “It’s okay, everything is alright”
But "Jeno, who are you kidding? Even if you can teach your heart whom to love. You will always teach your heart to love Jaemin. You are a masochist. You knew from the the start that right before the battle began... indeed ...you are already defeated by your own weak heart." Jeno said to himself.
You’ve broken the gap in the middle of this season without making a sound
Jeno knew he shouldn't wallow in pain, but his season changes according to Jaemin's heart. Whenever Jaemin is happy he felt like the spring has arrived. And every time Jaemin is sad, it will be a heavy rainy season.
Don’t take a break
And despite the pain he felt whenever Jaemin is happy with her, he still wished that he continues to feel the love he always wanted. He will always smile at him and congratulate him for the love he have.
Stay here with me, always “She no longer needs me”
But, Jaemin is weeping now. His girlfriend no longer loves Jaemin. Saying that Jaemin is not the happiness that she wanted. Jeno is mad, he is angry at her for hurting Jaemin. He sacrificed his happiness for Jaemin to be with her. But she left him, hurt him. And he can't help but feel the agony of loneliness because he knew he can never see the glee on Jaemin's eyes again. Because it is not him that he wants. But despite that, he stayed. Being the second choice is better than not being with Jaemin. With the love of his life.
The more I want you
But, the more he stays. The more he wants to selfishly claim Jaemin. He wants Jaemin for himself. "I want to be with him forever, I want to be the person who makes him happy for the rest of his life."
My reality gets heavier
"However, I know that I am not the person he wants." - Jeno stayed with Jaemin, even he is just a person whom Jaemin used the shoulder to cry on. As Jaemin weeps for her he consoles Jaemin and whenever tears visits his eyes he wipes them dry. Unbeknowst to Jaemin, Jeno cries alone. Crying for the jealousy that eats him.
I guess everything will be difficult after this hasty confession
And then, Jeno confessed. "Jaemin, I am here. I will never leave you. I will always stay here for you." Jaemin looked him in the eyes, and tears began to flow again. "But, you know that being with me will pain you. You know that I can never stay here forever with you." Those words are like blades striking Jeno's heart. He knew from the start, but hearing it from Jaemin's mouth. He lost all hopes, he haven't had any from the beginning. But the pain is doubled. As clear as the sun, Jaemin will not love him.
Nevertheless, I can’t take it anymore
But Jeno knew that his heart will burst out. He needs to let Jaemin know, Jaemin deserves to know. "I know, I know that we can never be together. But I just want you to know that I love you so much. Not a love of a friend for a friend. But a love for a lover, I want to show my love for you. I want to kiss you. I want to embrace you. I want to make love with you. I want to be the person who stays in your life until death. That is the kind of love I have for you Na Jaemin." Jeno confessed. Jaemin gasps as soon as he realized what Jeno meant by staying with him forever.
I wanna run to you now Because
"I want you. I want you so much that I am hurting right now" Jeno's eyes are drowned in tears. His voice cracked. Jaemin is shocked, he never knew Jeno loves him like this.
I want you every moment of my life
"I don't need you to love me back. I just need to let you know what I feel. Because if I don't say this now. I don't know when will I ever have the courage to do so. And if you don't love me back, I beg you to let me stay by your side at least" A faint sad smile paints Jeno's face. Tears flowing like a stream of river.
All the feelings inside us
"Why are you saying this to me Jeno? " Jaemin's heart thumps fast. Too fast that a lump formed on his throat.
If I could bring all of them out
"Because, I want you to know that you are loved. That I am here for you, you don't need to love me back." Jeno gently cupped Jaemin's chin with his hands. Jaemin is beaming at Jeno with different emotions he cant describe.
There would have been no fear and misunderstanding
"Jeno, I tried so hard too." Jaemin inhaled. A spark of joy lit his eyes.
You filled my day without any fragrance
Jeno was confused. "You tried so hard to what?"
Don’t take a break
"I tried hard to stop my heart from loving you too. I love you too! I started dating because I knew that you will never feel the same way to me." Jaemin smiled with traces of tears on his cheeks.
Stay here with me, always
"I told you that we can't be together because I thought you will never love me back the way I feel for you. I am crying because, I broke up with her and I can't tell you the reason why because she told me that I can never cheat my heart and that I should face my feelings and confess to you. Jeno I love you too! Please let's love each other" Jaemin wrapped his arms around Jeno's neck
Jeno kissed Jaemin. Instead of words, his passionate kiss is enough.
I want you more
The kiss that conveys his emotions.
Even if this reality is heavy and rough I love you.
The kiss filled with all the longing and love he held for Jaemin. And the kiss that says all the I love you he should have said many times.
I love you.
And the best thing about the kiss, it conveys the love reciprocated by Jaemin. Jaemin's lips answered back.
With all my heart
With all his heart...and soul.
Share your wounds with me
The only pain now, is the regret that they should've been loving each other since the beginning.
I’m running to you now
But, they knew that from now on. When they ran, someone will be waiting towards each other.
Because I want you every moment of my life
Because they want each other in each other's life.
Believe me every moment of my life (is) Headed to you...
And then Jeno realized, NO LONGER of NCT 127 is Jaemin's favorite song as well.
-Fin-